Ila Golden's Blog, page 6

Writing and exercise

What are your daily habits?

Most days editing comes into that as well, but mostly if you want to guarantee two things I’ve done during the time I’m awake, it’s writing and exercise.

An audition

Taking a deep breath in, Echoe rolled herself up the entrance ramp and into the theatre’s foyer. She loved everything about these buildings, whether they were grand theatre houses putting on national favourites, or friendly little local theatres putting on amateur plays, she found all of them completely intoxicating. From top to bottom and filling every single one of her senses, they were a place where real theatrical magic happened. 

‘Echoe,’ a familiar voice rang through the foyer, ‘Echoe darling, please tell me you’re here to save me from this mess I’ve gotten myself into.’

The voice belonged to a Neeth Nymph, who was twenty-odd years older than Echoe, not that you could tell from looking at her. She was dressed in a flowing black pantsuit, with a shawl fashioned like a skirt around her waist the same intoxicating shade of purple as her hair. Smiling to herself, Echoe watched her race frantically over.

‘Oh Echoe darling, thank goodness you’re here. I was a fool; a complete and utter fool and I need you to tell me right now that you’re here to reoffer your services as my co-director,’ in her usually over dramatic fashion she placed her hands over her heart and stared pleadingly at Echoe. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking when I said I could direct and produce The Next Heartbeat without you; I must have been high or something because I have definitely bitten off more than I can chew. I mean, it’s such a well-known and beloved musical that if I get even one tiny detail wrong that’s it, I’m finished. Career over, just as its getting really good.’

‘Lilith,’ Echoe laughed lightly as she placed a reassuring hand on her arm, ‘you would never have been given the backing for this project if no one thought you could pull it off, and we both know it.’

‘You’re right,’ she waved her arms dramatically, ‘of course you’re right. After all, I am the Great Lilith Triumph, actor, director, producer extraordinaire,’ she struck a powerful pose, ‘if anyone can pull this off it’s me. And not only will I pull it off, but it will be the best, most talked about rendition of The Next Heartbeat ever staged,’ she let out a relieved sounding sigh. ‘Thank you Echoe darling, you always know just what to say to calm me down. But if you’re not here to offer me your assistance, then why are you here. No, don’t tell me, you’re here looking for a venue for your next big project, right? Am I right? I am right, aren’t I? I mean, we both know I’m never wrong about these things.’

‘Actually Lilith, I’m here to audition.’

‘Audition, for what? The only person holding open auditions today is me and… Wait, Echoe, are you here to audition for me?’

‘Uh…’ she shifted uncomfortably in her chair, ‘yeah.’

‘Oh but darling, I thought writing and directing were more your thing; producing too at a pinch. I didn’t think you had any interest in the whole acting thing. I mean, that’s why the two of us work so well together when we collaborate. You write, I act, you direct, I produce; it’s magic.’

‘Yes, but I am a Neeth Nymph too, you know, acting is in my blood.’

‘But darling, just because a nymph comes from a type with a particular affinity for something, doesn’t mean they’ll excel at it. I mean, look at the Neffer Nymphs, they all have dancing in their blood; it’s a way of life for them, but it doesn’t mean all of them can dance.’

‘I know, but… both my parents are actors, my Grandmur was Echoe Andrews and my Grandpatch… my Grandpatch was the great Allonzo Sweetcharm, for crying out loud, acting isn’t just in my blood, it’s in my family.’

‘Invoking his name Echoe?’ Lilith cocked an eyebrow. ‘If you felt so strongly about it, why haven’t you mentioned it before?’

‘Honestly,’ she gave a heavy sigh, ‘it all comes down to him, doesn’t it? He sabotaged every opportunity in front of me to make sure I would never act whilst he was alive. Hell, the only reason I was able to have a career in this industry at all is because you agreed to take me on. But I always told myself as soon as that old bastard’s gone I will get myself out there and do what I’ve always dreamed of.’

‘So then why didn’t you?’ Lilith studied her for a moment. ‘I mean the old curmudgeon’s been gone for two… no almost three years now; why did you continue to wait? You weren’t afraid he’d find some way to come back and stop you, were you?’

‘No, of course not, but Picco and Synth were still little, and it just didn’t feel like the right time.’

‘But it feels like the right time now?’

‘Yeah,’ a small smile pulled at her lips, ‘I think it does.’

‘Then my dear darling Echoe I shall let you audition for me. But be warned, I am a harsh critic, even to my friends; so I will be brutally honest with you.’

‘Trust me Lilith, I wouldn’t have it any other way.’

Lilith made her way around to the back of Echoe’s chair and began pushing her towards the larger of the rehearsal spaces at the back of the theatre. The two of them had known each other for a long time. They’d first met at one of the Sweetcharms’ famous celebrity parties when Echoe was in her early teens and Lilith was just in the process of producing and directing her first play. Despite the age difference between them a friendship had formed and it was one Echoe respected immensely; not just because she wouldn’t be in the position she was in now without Lilith’s help, but because of the genuine level of honesty and respect between the two of them. If Echoe could prove she was as good as she believed herself to be to the Lilith Triumph, then she knew she was good. But even so, as they got closer and closer to their destination, Echoe could feel her stomach start to knot.

‘You know you auditioning for me might be the breath of fresh air I’m looking for right now,’ Lilith twittered on behind her, ‘you have no idea the morning I’ve had. Nothing but silly little wisps auditioning for Anita, as if any of them had what it takes to be a leading lady. Honestly darling, just thinking about it is enough to waver my resolve again.’

‘I can imagine.’

‘So, tell me, what part will you be auditioning for?’

‘Chancer.’

‘Oh, finally, an actor who knows their limitations, err… no offence meant their darling. What I mean to say is, an unknown actor should always set themselves an achievable goal by auditioning for a smaller part, but at the same time not too small a part; after all, you want to show you’re realistic but confident, and, if you’re any good, then your talent will shine through and land you a bigger part anyway.’

‘Like it did for you?’

‘Yes, well, not everyone can audition for the smallest role in their first ever production and walk away with the leading part darling,’ her voice had a very matter of fact tone, ‘but I will admit I am probably the reason all these wisps try to punch above their weight.’

‘Does that mean I can blame you for the wisps at my next open audition?’ Echoe laughed, somehow put at ease by her friend’s words.

‘Darling, I thought you already did.’

By this point, they had entered the rehearsal space. It didn’t take a genius to work out why Lilith had chosen this particular practice hall over the others available to her. From her own experience Echoe knew just how amazing the acoustics were. So if you wanted to hear exactly how good your potential actors were going to sound on the main stage, you auditioned and rehearsed them in here.

‘Ah, Ms Triumph, there you are,’ an odd looking pixie with naturally blue hair, wearing a smart pair of reading glasses approached them, ‘should I call the next one in?’

‘Oh, if you must,’ Lilith rolled her eyes, ‘and whilst you’re at it Kissy, could you sort Ms Sweetcharm here out with an audition number?’

‘Sweetcharm?’ Her gaze narrowed on Echoe for a moment, then her nose turned up slightly. ‘Audition numbers are the Hollow’s department.’

‘I know that, but I’m asking you as a favour to me, to sort my dear friend here with an audition number,’ Lilith’s tone attempted to be light but was clearly edged with something.

‘Yes, but Hollow’s the one with all the forms and everything, and I really don’t want to ask her for them.’

‘And I really don’t want to remind you, you told me you were always a professional when I hired you,’ she spoke through gritted teeth. ‘I don’t know what your problem with Twigs is, but for the last time drop it already, before I’m forced to get rid of one of you. And, trust me Kissy, your childishness is doing you no favours in this one.’

‘Sorry,’ everything about her expression showed the strain she was under not to roll her eyes. ‘I’ll go ask Hollow to sort out the forms and audition number for,’ she half glanced towards Echoe, ‘Ms… Sweetcharm?’

‘Yes, Sweetcharm,’ Lilith appeared to ignore the expression on her assistant’s face, ‘it’s a well-known name so shouldn’t be too hard for you to remember. So… if you don’t mind,’ she made shooing motions with her hands.

‘Right away,’ she nodded, before hurrying along to the brown haired Tracker Fairy near the rehearsal stage.

‘New assistants?’ Echoe cocked an eyebrow.

‘Betzy’s on maternity and Lou finally had a break of his own. I was sad to see him leave darling, but one can’t stand in the way of another’s dream. I’m afraid to admit this pair will take some getting used to, that’s if they don’t kill each other in the meantime.’

‘Are they that bad?’

‘Well I definitely have my concerns about Kissy, she’s been down on Twigs since day one. Poor girl’s an absolute genius but is such a soft touch she just won’t stand up for herself. I’m sure Kissy sees that as some kind of weakness she can exploit, but I just wish she would understand I need both of them. I’ve always had a team of assistants, you know that better than anyone. And they both have so much promise too; it would be a shame to have to let either one of them go.’

By this time the Tracker Fairy Lilith called Twigs had reached them. Her large, bird-like wings were tucked timidly behind her. Everything about her, from the length of her soft brown hair to the large doe-like quality of her eyes, suggested someone too timid to start a fight and no doubt too weak to finish it. But Echoe was the first in line to tell you how deceiving looks could be, and had no doubt there was more to this timid girl than her appearance let on.

‘Here Ms Sweetcharm,’ Twigs handed Echoe a card with her audition number on it and several sheets of paper, keeping her gaze lowered and away from her as she did, ‘I’m afraid you’re pretty far down on the list, so you’ll be waiting for a while.’

‘That’s okay, I knew I would,’ Echoe smiled at her, ‘but there was no way I could have made it here any sooner; the school run can be such a nightmare in the mornings.’

‘School run…?’ Twigs’s eyes lifted towards her, fully acknowledging her for the first time. ‘You really are Echoe Sweetcharm, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, I am,’ Echoe found herself frowning, wondering if she should have more of an idea who this girl in front of her was.

‘I’m glad,’ her smile was soft, almost to the point of being creepy, ‘I’ve been hoping for this for a while, but never thought…’ She cut herself off and shook her head, apparently embarrassed by whatever it was she was about to say. ‘Sorry,’ her voice was soft, ‘you have no idea who I am and here I am saying weird things.’

‘From what I can tell Twigs, you’re always saying weird things,’ Lilith laughed as if trying to restore some sense of normality to the situation. ‘Now, show Ms Sweetcharm to where the others are waiting so she can get her forms filled in.’

‘Of course Ms Triumph,’ Twigs nodded, before half lifting her gaze back up towards Echoe, ‘this way.’

***

As the pianist began playing the lead in, Echoe couldn’t help but think back to the first time she’d heard this music. She couldn’t have been much older than five, and her murmur, Lexis Sweetcharm, had been playing the lead role of Anita. It was the first part she could clearly remember her murmur playing and the one which cemented the idea of performing in this musical into her head. Unfortunately, for her and the rest of the world, the production her murmur was involved in was the last time The Next Heartbeat had been staged; until now.

‘Take a bow it’s the end of your life,’ she began singing the final choral reprise of the opening number, ‘show us the real you from inside. Take a bow it’s the end of your life. Don’t pretend. It’s just the end. Of your li-ie-ife, of your li-ie-ie-ie-ife, of your li-ie-ife, of your li-ie-ie-ie-ie-ife.’

‘Beautiful darling,’ Lilith gave a little applause the second she’d finished, ‘you sing like your murmur. But then I already knew that, what I don’t know is whether or not you can act. Twigs it’s your turn to read lines,’ she turned towards her assistant, ‘this is a Chancer audition, so for once you’ll be the one reading for Anita.’

‘Yes, right,’ Twigs appeared to blush as she riffled through her copy of the script till she found the right part, ‘are you ready Ms Sweetcharm?’

‘As I’ll ever be,’ Echoe readjusted her position on her chair as best she could and prepared herself for what was about to come.

Chancer was probably one of her favourite characters of all time. The thought she might get to play it in an actual production of The Next Heartbeat made her palms sweat with nerves. Nerves she did her best to suppress; after all, Chancer’s part was all about the timing.

‘No, no you’ve got it wrong, this can’t be right, it isn’t my time,’ Twigs’s reading was more than a little monotone and stiff.

‘Isn’t your time?’ Echoe laughed. ‘You hear that Launce; the newbie thinks it isn’t her time. If I had a thread of yarn for every time I heard somebody say that I’d be swimming in jumpers about now.’

‘No… but I…’

‘Look, newbie, everybody thinks somebody made some mistake when they first get here, but, trust me, they don’t make mistakes when it comes to this.’

‘Are you sure? Maybe you could look in that book of yours and…’

‘Look, newbie, I mean this in the nicest possible way; you’re dead, deal with it.’

‘Thank you Echoe darling,’ Lilith smiled down at her, ‘that was a wonderful reading, you’ve certainly shown you understand the essence of the part. But I won’t say anything more right now, you will be contacted by the end of the week.’

‘Right,’ Echoe nodded as she manoeuvred her chair towards the wing of the stage she’d be exiting by, ‘thanks for the opportunity Lilith, I really appreciate it.’

‘Nonsense darling, it was my pleasure,’ her face was alight with all her usual enthusiasm. ‘Make sure you give those darling kiddies of yours big, wet kisses from me when you see them; wouldn’t want them forgetting who I am now. Toodles.’

Extract from Echoe by Ila Golden

Honestly…?

I don’t remember. I don’t tend to remember the way food tastes. I know there are some flavours I enjoy more than others. I know when I’ve enjoyed a meal. But, honestly, the taste of food doesn’t really linger around in my mind. I’ve never thought ‘that was the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten’.I’ll sometimes think something was ‘really nice’ or ‘rather tasty’ but what it was doesn’t hold much space in my brain. And it doesn’t take many hours for me to forget all about it. Food is just food. As long as it doesn’t taste bad then its alright.I have very few thoughts beyond that.Not even with my beloved chocolate.

I’m already forced to wear the same outfit over and over again…

If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

It’s called a uniform. Did this question forget uniforms exist?

Everything happens for a reason

How important is spirituality in your life?

Spirituality is not at the forefront of my existence. But I do hold space for certain thoughts and ideas that live within the spectrum of spiritual beliefs.

Everything happens for a reason

Just because nature can be explained by science, doesn’t mean it’s not magical

There is some kind of existence after death, which includes some form of reincarnation

And these are just the ones I can put words to. Like I said, it doesn’t play a huge roll in my life, but it would be wrong to say my spiritual side does not exist in the way I think, feel, and exist in the world.

Pain management as self-care

How do you practice self-care?

Keeping in top of my exercise. Keeping on top of my weight. Regular soaks in the tub. Knowing when to rest. All things I do, to manage my pain, is my self-care.

Time is never wasted

How do you waste the most time every day?

Even procrastination has a purpose. Sometimes we need the mental or physical break and our bodies and brains allow for that.

It can feel frustrating when there are things we feel we should be doing. Or like we’re getting distracted too easily. But the time is still not wasted. The idea of wasting time comes from a society that prioritises measurable productivity over well-being.

The taste of happiness

‘I see you managed to convince them to give you toast,’ I smirked after she’d left.‘Well when you can see people’s colours it’s easy to manipulate them,’ he ruffled my hair.‘Oh, is that how it is,’ I knocked his hand away. ‘I thought it was just because you were stubborn as all get out.’‘That helps…

Read More

I’m not sure I have one

Who is your favorite historical figure?

No one came to mind when seeing this question.

A sudden realisation

‘I’m just gonna go tuh the loo,’ I got up from the bit of playground wall the four of us were sat on.

It was about midway through lunchtime, which meant there was less likely to be a queue. That suited me just fine, because I hated waiting if I needed to go. I was just drying my hands when the voices of some of the girls in our class drifted in through the window. For some reason when girls wanted to go somewhere to talk privately about something, they used the space behind the bathroom block that led into a little wooded area. They weren’t supposed to be there, but I wasn’t the type to get my fellow classmates into trouble over things like that.

‘It’s true,’ the voice sounded like the other Georgina, the one who wasn’t as smart. ‘My big sister told me so, if a boy is messing with your hair, that means he fancies you.’

My insides froze, and my gaze drifted up towards the window.

‘But Tristan’s so gross,’ another voice, this one belonging to a girl named Lucy, ‘and he’s such a pain now that Martyn’s gone.

It’s more like he’s too afraid tuh pick on the boys like he used tuh, so now he’s just picking on me instead.’

‘But he’s not just picking on you, he’s messing with your hair too,’ Georgina laughed. ‘According tuh my sister, that means he definitely fancies you.’

Yuck, why couldn’t it be Simon, at least he’s nice.’

‘Lucy likes Simon,’ a third girl laughed, but I wasn’t totally sure who’s voice it was.

‘Shut up, no I don’t. I just meant it would be better if it were him.’

‘You three know you’re not supposed to be back here,’ Mrs Burgundy, who was on playground duty, apparently picked that moment to show up and break up the trio’s little gathering.

Not that I really wanted to listen to anymore of the conversation. I’d heard more than enough to get my insides twisting. If a boy messes with your hair it means he fancies you. But I didn’t mess with a girl’s hair. I messed with Rye’s hair. All the time. What was that supposed to mean? As I made my way back towards the others, I told myself I would just have to stop messing with Rye’s hair. I’d just been doing it for fun, not because I fancied him. That meant I could stop doing it any time I wanted. So, I would. And everything would be okay, because boys didn’t fancy boys.

‘Get lost?’ Jay teased as I arrived back.

‘There was just a queue,’ I lied as I sat back down.

‘Sly says when we have the sleepover, he’ll lend me one of their sleeping bags,’ Rye grinned at me, colours shifting with excitement, and I felt a little bit of warmth rise to my cheeks as I realised just how much I liked his smile.

‘We’ve got loads, coz we giants like tuh be prepared,’ Sly laughed.

‘Okay,’ I nodded, trying to focus on something other than the thought I might fancy Rye.

‘It doesn’t matter my sleeping bags a bit tatty, right?’ Jay’s colours moved in an odd manner, which was almost reflected in his shadow. ‘It used tuh…’ he stopped himself. ‘It’s old.’

‘As long as it keeps you warm, it don’t matter, right?’ Sly shrugged. ‘Ours aren’t new either.’

‘Will we need tuh keep warm if we’re sleeping inside?’ He frowned.

‘No,’ his colours swirled thoughtfully, ‘but Stuart says it helps make the floor less hard tuh lie on. So I guess as long as it does that it should be okay.’

‘Right,’ Jay nodded. ‘I guess I remember it being okay tuh lie on. It was a while ago though, we don’t go on many holidays.’

‘We don’t really either,’ Sly shook his head, ‘just a couple of nights away during the summer mostly.’

‘We usually go away for two weeks,’ I shifted my gaze away from all of my friends, suddenly feeling uncomfortable around them for a completely different reason. ‘And we don’t go camping either, we stay in a nice hotel, usually near the seaside.’

‘Well, that makes you all luckier than me,’ Rye tried to sound light-hearted, but I could hear the notes of sadness in his voice. ‘I’ve never been on holiday. Mummy’s a writer, and she earns as much as she can, but she can’t really afford very many treats. She also says you can’t really take a holiday from writing. And Neva Aton is so near Paignton anyway, we might as well just go down there for the day and have fun. When she really wants to treat me we even go to the zoo. The first time she took me is when she got me that bear keyring I used to have. I know it’s not a proper holiday, but I like spending time with mummy.’

As he spoke, my eyes turned back towards him. His colours were buzzing more than normal, and that reflected in the sad swirls moving through his colours. But even without that, I could still have seen the way he was playing with the sleeves of his shirt, and the expression on his face, so his feelings were pretty obvious. And I wanted more than anything in that moment to find a way to make him happy. Because his happiness was important to me. Really important to me.

‘It’s okay Rye,’ despite my earlier resolve, I found myself unable to resist ruffling his hair, ‘I’ll ask my parents if you can come with us next time we go on holiday.’

‘I’m not sure mummy would like that idea much,’ Rye knocked my hand away.

‘Okay, maybe we could just take you and your mum somewhere that’s not Paignton for the day. My dad has a car, so it’d be easy. Hey maybe you could come the next time we go up tuh Exeter tuh see Grandma.’

‘We used to live in Exeter,’ his colours became thoughtful, ‘before we came to Neva Aton. I don’t remember much of it though, so I guess that might be fun.’

‘No guess about it,’ I grinned at him. ‘It will be fun coz it has tuh be.’

Extract from The Colours I See by Ila Golden