Ila Golden's Blog, page 10

I prefer it mild

How do you feel about cold weather?

Hot weather expands the joints. Tires the muscles. Makes movements heavy effort.

Cold weather makes everything tighter. Turns dull aches sharper. Makes movements stiff and unyielding.

Mild weather eases most. Not so stiff. Not so tired. Movements are as normal as they can be.

Mild weather, not cold, not hot, is the weather for me.

That time I fell off a castle

Have you ever broken a bone?

I was 13. I had the choice between a Saturday at my mums’, or going to the local Lamb Fest with my friend. I’d never been to the Lamb Feast before, so it was kind of a no brainer.

I felt oddly apprehensive on the day. Jittery, like something didn’t feel quite right. I tried to push that thought aside though. I was probably just feeling a little guilty. Even though there was nothing wrong with the choice I’d made.

The feast was in the bailey part of a motte and bailey castle. Not that there was a lot of the castle left. Just wall fragments really. The highest point being about 10 feet from the top of the motte, all covered in earth and grass now.

My friends and I would often climb these walls, stare out across the veiw. Today, we were not the only ones with that idea.

After getting ourselves something to eat, my friend and I walked the path up the motte to the top. We did our usual, this time surrounded by many others. The atmosphere was high, and my enthusiasm was higher.

My friend wanted to head back down for more food. She’d climbed down sensibly, but I’d jokingly said I wanted to jump. I was on the 10 foot wall. I was also not unaccustomed to stupid stunts. That competitive nature with my brothers to prove I was the daring one.

I can’t remember now if the jump had been intentional, if I’d actually fallen, or got carried away with the momentum of pretending. It doesn’t really matter. I landed badly all the same.

The pain in my left ankle was intense. A nearby adult called an ambulance for us. Somehow my dad was also called. Not that I remember any of that clearly. I do remember being in the ambulance and getting gas and air for the pain. It made me feel light-headed, but I could still feel the ache in my ankle, I just didn’t care as much.

The team who dealt with me in the hospital were surprised by my x-rays. The state my ankle was in suggested it had been broken and dislocated. The x-rays showed neither. It would take over 6 weeks before an MRI would reveal the truth.

I finished Year 9 on crutches and getting physio. I ditched the crutches for the summer, since I figured I was healed enough. I’m not entirely sure what prompted them to send me for an MRI. Maybe my ankle was still too stiff or swollen. I do remember the MRI was before the week away with my dad. We did both horse riding and paintball that week.

We came back to a letter summing us to the hospital. There was a hairline fracture to one of the inner bones of my ankle, and it would need to go into a cast. My first 6 weeks of Year 10 were on crutches.

There was a second MRI to check the healing process. But when we went in for the results, the doctor we were meant to see was on holiday, and no one knew why we were there. So I was discharged, with no follow up.

As a teen I didn’t think anything of it. Sure the ankle continued to give me issues. Stiffness. Pain. I’ve grown into an adult who accepted that ankle has never healed right. But I had no reason to suspect just how serious it should have been taken on that visit.

I did remember the message the doctor we were supposed to see left, saying it might need surgery. I am also pretty sure my second MRI wasn’t located that day we were in. But no one, not one person. Not any of the physios I’ve seen for lower joint issues. Not the podiatrists. Not my GPs. No one except the ultrasound tech who was scanning my feet told me the fracture was to my talus.

His words ‘I see on your records a fracture to your talus, that’s a pretty serious injury’.

Balance

How do you balance work and home life?

I am routined. My work days follow one pattern. My days off another.

I enjoy what I do. I don’t overthink or over-stress. If I need to let off some of the steam I will. But work is work and home is home.

I recognise I need the rest. My body is not a machine. It aches and complains. My energy stores are low. I do what I must, when I must. Then prioritise the rest. The still. The stop.

I allow myself to be a whole made of parts. Not one only one thing or another. Productive and lazy. Focused and carefree. I can move between the states of being. Its all parts that make up me.

I am the balance. Sometimes more stable. Sometimes not. I make allowance for myself. I am human after all.

What is it to sacrifice?

What sacrifices have you made in life?

Truth, I’m not sure I’ve ever made a sacrifice. Compromised, sure. Equal exchange of give and take. But I don’t think I’ve ever completely sacrifice anything for anyone or any reason. I’ve made plenty of life adjustments for health reasons. Plenty of compromises for those I love. Plenty of times I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone to do something for others. But I would never consider any of that a sacrifice.

This is an odd question

What’s the oldest things you’re wearing today?

Anyone else think this is an odd question?

Having said that, either my blue shorts or my oversized Duck Tales t-shirt is older. I’m not sure which. I don’t keep track of when I get clothes.

It’s situational, isn’t it

Are you a leader or a follower?

We all have different skills, different strengths. We all have times where we know we’re not the best one in the room to lead the way. But that doesn’t mean we can’t lead when we’re the ones best suited.

There are also different ways to lead and follow, where the line blurs between the two. A supportive leader, using their skills to encourage others to take a more active role. The action oriented follower, who’s passion commands the attention of others.

I march to the beat of my own drum. I move with the water. I recognise when to take the wheel. When to listen. I embrace being both and neither.

Apple, cherry, plum, peach, grape

List your top 5 favorite fruits.

Not necessarily in that order. I also can no longer eat apple as I only need a small amount to play up my fructose intolerance. I miss apple .

Currently none, its all a matter of waiting

What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?

There are always little things we can do or change which can make life brighter for us. Happiness can be found in those small things. But our minds aren’t always focused on those.

Right now, for example, my partner and I find ourselves at one of life’s waystations. We sold my flat and moved as we planned to this year. Only our current place of residence is merely a stop gap in the journey to the home we’ll own together.

The one improvement in my life right now,  that I can think of off the top of my head, is living closer to the city centre again. Is starting our future together in the home we make there. We are on track for that now, its all a matter of waiting. However it is a big thing to buy a home and move into it. But, as I said, sometimes you can only be focused on the big things.

The challenge

Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.

I only made one lasting friend at uni. Over the years she has been my main sounding board for story ideas. And I hers. She writes slice of life fiction. I write magical realism and fantasy with a character focus or slice of life slant. Her writing is more focused on the positive. Mine can take much darker turns.

Still we appreciate and enjoy each others styles. We encourage and do our best to help the other grow. Which is why, several years ago now, she issued me with a challenge.

As a wheelchair user, she wanted to see a fantasy story with a wheelchair user as the lead. But the wheelchair user had to be a mother of two, and have psychic powers of some kind. This was her challenge to me. And, even though I was nearing the end of another project, within 24 hours I had the protagonist pictured and the bones of a story in mind.

Echoe.

For me getting the chance to stretch my creative muscles is always a positive thing. But my challenge went beyond the basic parameters my friend had set me. I wanted the world it was set it to be that of fairytale creatures. I wanted the plot to have a mystery, a genre I don’t usually write in. I wanted the story to remain character focused, with the mystery driving my protagonist forward.

Did I succeed? Well my friend certainly enjoyed the story, and it was written for her. So that’s the only success it really needs. But for those who are curious, you could always have a read.

Freedom is only real if everyone is free

What does freedom mean to you?