Ila Golden's Blog, page 14

I’m not much of a foodie

What is your favorite restaurant?

I’m not that fussed about food. So long as it tastes fine, and doesn’t contain peppers, I’m fine eating pretty much anything. As such I don’t have a favourite restaurant. I trust the judgement of others about where to go or where to order from. With my parter I also trust them to order when it’s takeout. To me, food is food.

A simple dream

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

A home the feels like home.

A matching wedding ring on mine and my partner’s fingers.

Two kids playing with the family pet.

My writing career finally supplementing my income enough so we can pay the mortgage off just a little faster.

Everyone looking forward to the summer, and the holiday with the grandparents we’ll be taking.

A simple, happy life.

Everyday things that bring joy

What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?

Spending time with my partner. Seeing Zelly (the gerbil) doing pretty much anything – it’s all cute.Old Bear – my replica who gets called Oldie specifically. Writing and editing. Chocolate.

Adventures of a Non-Binary Author – Those first few steps

As soon as we’re home from the mortgage advisor, we turn our attention towards the solicitors. We have the information we need to complete the startup form now. Once done, there are some bits we need to print and send off. Then we relax for the rest of the day. Rest of the weekend for my partner. I’m working Sunday again.

First thing Monday morning, and there’s a new form for us to fill in from the solicitors. By the end of Tuesday, we have the first lot of information from the sellers. We spend over an hour after work reading through everything together. There’s also more to print off, sign, and send back. It feels like a flurry of activity, but things will slow down from here. Our mortgage application doesn’t get sent off till Wednesday. We still haven’t booked in a home buyers survey. Solicitor haven’t done their searches yet. It feels like a lot right now. But things will slow down from here. At least for a bit.

The first lot of the enquiries have also been sent to the seller’s solicitor. The list is so short. Every round of enquiries sent on our failed purchase was always three or four pages long. There were always lots of notes at the start about why these things needed to be followed up on. There was never less than 8 enquiries. Not helped by the fact the previous ones were never answered satisfactorily. The last property was also leasehold, which probably didn’t help things any. But then so was the flat I owned. The one I sold. And total amount of enquiries for both us and the freehold management company never reached double digits. At least as far as I remember. Everyone on our side was helpful and fast, and everything was really smooth. So I’m not going to blame what happened last time on the property being leasehold. It sure didn’t help, but it certainly wasn’t the only problem.

Becoming part of an unfortunate statistic doesn’t feel great. Regardless of the reason. Regardless of how much control you had over the situation. So putting yourself back into that process again is allowed to feel more stressful than it did the first time. Because you know the pitfalls now. You understand what worse case looks like… feels like. So seeing such a small list of enquiries made me laugh with amazement. My partner even noted the use of the word please. Our solicitor got a little impatient with the solicitor for the previous property. In fact a lot of the correspondences between them sounded very catty or condescending. Something I pointed out to my partner at the time. We’re dealing with a freehold property this time. And a different firm. I suspect our solicitor is feeling optimistic. Or at least doesn’t have a reason to let the professional curtsy slip.

So maybe it’s okay for us to feel a little more optimistic. Moving forward towards our future home. One step at a time. Then again the next step is kind of an important one. Wednesday, mortgage application time.

To be continued…

Bullying is only taken seriously when it disrupts a lesson

Describe something you learned in high school.

Only once the teachers can’t ignore it, because it’s affecting them, do the bullys get more than being forced to apologise.

That was the experience I had, at least. All the teasing, the tormenting I received over my arachnophobia. Turning a common fear into an uncontrollable hysteria. They get told to apologise, I get told to ignore what they’re doing. That they’ll stop if I don’t react. Fantastic way to teach a kid not to ask for help.

But an incident which causes a major disruption to a lesson, that gets taken seriously. I wasn’t the only one to get hysterical at the size of that spider, but I was the only one to be mocked for it after. The perpetrator is punished by being moved to another form. Like removing the worst element will make a big change.

Right. Another lesson. Bullys learn, best way to avoid trouble, don’t get caught.

Self-care positivity

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

It took a lot of work to reduce my chronic pain to where it is now. It took being patient with myself. It took being as consistent as I could be. Taking it one day and one step at a time. It took Self-care.

Self-care is the biggest positive change I could make. And something I’m still actively making. Self-care isn’t a singular act or change. Its a continuous work in progress.

Adventures of a Non-Binary Author – A marrying thought

Offer accepted. Check. Appointment to see Mortgage Advisor. Check. Contact solicitor. Check. Memorandum of Sale. Takes the estate agent a few times to send the right document, but Check.And that’s just the first twenty-four hours. By Friday we’ve started filling in our setup form with the solicitors. Yes we’ve been with them before, but this is a new case. We’re also living at a new address. We get as far as we can without seeing our Mortgage Advisor.

We see him on the Saturday. Since we last sat down with him, my partner and I have had some discussions and made a few decisions. Before we found the New Cottage we’d discussed various deposit options. If the property was at our top end we would put all available funds from the sale towards it. This would be on the idea the place would need very little work. Maybe a new coat of paint, but nothing substantial. If the property was towards the lower end, we could justify a smaller deposit, for any work needed. The work would still need to be reasonable. We couldn’t afford a complete fixer-upper. But there was wiggle room there none the less.

The New Cottage was only a little over our top price for taking a little out of the deposit. It’s also in a like new condition. Freshly painted throughout. New carpets throughout. New bathroom. New kitchen. Sure we’ll need to sort some white goods – something we already have vouchers towards. But the property, as is, doesn’t need any immediate attention. Maybe there are things we want to do to it, to turn it into our perfect living space. But nothing that would need to be done in the first six months.

And yet, we still want the option to take a little money from the deposit. Why? Because we want to get married. A small wedding, with just immediate family. Neither of us like being the center of attention. With the option of having a larger celebration at a later date. Or smaller celebrations with different parts of the family here and there. If we could afford to take a little out of the deposit, we could start thinking about setting a date. No matter how savvy a saver you are, saving large sums of money still takes time. And we’ve already worked out costs for our small wedding. If we threw all of our saving power at it, it would still take about a year. But we wouldn’t be throwing our full saving power at it. Not when there are other things we want or need to put money towards. Having the savings already there would just make things easier. It wouldn’t mean getting married right away either. We could still take our time. Boost our savings a little more. Decide on the best season and venue that suits our needs. But it would turn getting married from a future plan, into an actual one.

We just need to be sure we an afford to take the money out of the deposit. And that’s where our Mortgage Advisor comes in. He’s the one with the power to tell us if this is a pipe dream or an actual possibility. So we explain our decision to him. He puts the new figure in. It’s a win! We can afford to take the amount we would like out of the deposit.

But we’re still a long way off completion at this point. Our mortgage application will go in on Wednesday. Then they’ll be the anxious wait to hear back. So I guess it’s a good thing we have plenty to keep us occupied on the solicitor’s side of things…

To be continued…

Exercise is my pain management

What’s the most fun way to exercise?

Exercise is a key part of my pain management. It’s replaced the only treatment that works for me, physio. Pain killers do nothing. So exercise that focuses on my core strength is the only thing keeping my average pain levels between 2 and 4, instead of the 6 to 12 they used to be. (Yes I know the pain scale only goes up to 10, but, trust me, chronic pain sufferers know above that). I’m still in pain or discomfort everyday, but it’s livable in comparison. I can function without feeling like I want to die.

I exercise everyday. Which means it has to be enjoyable. I use Fitness Boxing on the Switch. I’ve set it for core strength routines only. The repetitive movements are more enjoyable than standard physio, so it feels like less work. I can also change up how much I’m doing each day. If I’m feeling unwell I’ll do less, if I’m able I’ll do a lot more. I can’t take a day off though. This works the same as medication, skipping a day risks a flare up.

I usually watch or listen to something whilst I’m exercising, to make the time pass faster. It’s fun, but it’s still a workout.

Exercise as pain management is hard work. But it works for me, and that’s the thing that matters. But everyone’s body works differently. What works for me might not work for someone else. So to all my chronic pain siblings out there, here’s to hoping your pain is manageable today.

Passing on the enjoyment of stories

What book could you read over and over again?

I have kept all my favourite books from childhood. Colourful, nostalgic, drops of joy. I look forward to the day when I can share those stories with my children. Bringing them joy over and over again.

Adventures of a Non-Binary Author – We hold our ground

We hear back around midday on Monday. Ours was not the offer they went with. I can tell my partner is really disappointed. We do put in another, slightly higher offer. But the vendor has already agreed to a sale, so it’s unlikely it’ll lead to anything. I accept the news with grace, and start showing my partner new places we could look at. They need more of a minute to come to terms with their disappointment.

That’s when the unexpected happens. The estate agent for the original new cottage call. The seller is willing to come a little closer to our current final offer. I shake my head, and hold my ground. The cookie cutter image of the property, with a bigger garden, has just sold for less than they’re asking. Yes the condition isn’t as good, but it’s all cosmetic. Nothing a little repaint wouldn’t solve. We speak to our mortgage advisor. He says it’s up to us. Do we see this as a long term home? If so, then the small amount extra doesn’t matter in the long run. But that’s the problem. I’m not sure if this is a long term home. Right now it could end up being either. My partner agrees; we’ll hold our ground.

Before the evening is out we’ll have spoken to the estate agent a few more times. It feels a little much. They’re no longer pushing the idea they’ve had another higher offer. Instead they mention somewhere nearby that’s sold for more. We remain firm. We know a property nearby, the cookie cutter image, has just sold for less. Between calls, I suggest to my partner that the one the agent mentioned might have a loft conversion. It might also have a bigger garden or solar panels. All things we’ve noted in the same street, never mind the same area. On the next call, my partner bluffs, that we know which one it is. Mentioning the loft conversion. From the way the estate agent flounders, we know we’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s only after this call we discover something else. The property we’ve put the offer in for, only sold to its current owner May last year. And it sold for £25,000 less than the price we’re refusing to budge from.

Their last call was seven-thirty in the evening. The information we’ve found makes it clear the property has been redecorated. Including a new kitchen. Making it obvious to us, this place was bought to flip. That’s no a bad thing. But it does mean we will not budge from the price we’ve offered.

Tuesday, my first day back at work after my week off. For the first time in a long while, it’s my alarm which wakes me up. Must be the clocks going back, changing my rhythm. Well, that and the week off. Not that I’m complaining. As long as I’m awake, and ready to move, then an alarm is almost as good as waking naturally.

As I leave for work, it would be fair to say my partner is more optimistic than I am. I pretty much believe we’re not getting the new cottage. That we’ll get another call asking if there’s any chance we’ll budge. If we do, I’ve told my partner we’re not budging. I’m also prepared for us to withdraw if we can’t move beyond this impasse. They’re at least a little hopefully our stubbornness and awareness will pay off. My partner is the one who is correct. The seller agrees to our offer.

It doesn’t quite feel real. I’m not sure when exactly it will sink in. But we go into Tuesday evening with our offer accepted. Provided nothing goes wrong, in a few months from now, we will have a house. For now we need to focus on preparing for our meeting with our mortgage advisor. And contacting our solicitor. Such a lot to do. I cross my fingers for a smooth rest of the week.

To be continued…