Gary L. Thomas's Blog, page 11

The Greatest Problem in Your Marriage

To lean into God’s design for marriage and to experience marriage as God designed it requires that we look at our own personal and spiritual problems the way God does. The fact is, most of us don’t. If we don’t, we’ll push back against God’s declared directives for marriage, but surrendering to His purpose for marriage is the best path to peace and even happiness. What do you think is the greatest problem in most marriages?

Watch this sermon HERE on Substack.

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The Best Way to Use Social Media

Social media has its upsides, though it likely has even more downsides. Just because it’s available doesn’t mean we need to be a part of it. If we do choose to engage, however, there are healthier and less healthy ways to do so. Dr. Robert Waldinger and Dr. Marc Schulz, directors of the now famous Harvard Study on Adult Development, offer four very helpful suggestions to engage more safely in what could be considered a somewhat dangerous practice. 

It’s a fact of life, isn’t it? Too much of a good thing (even eating and exercise) can become bad, or a neutral thing used the wrong way (laughter) can be harmful. A very common default position among believers is that because some stuff gets abused (think alcohol), we should become total prohibitionists.

By now we have all seen alarming studies about the damage too much social media is doing to our and our children’s brains. It’s frightening. But Dr. Robert Waldinger and Dr. Marc Schulz, directors of the now famous Harvard Study on Adult Development have a different take. Their book The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness requires a good bit of work to read, but it’s proving to be a fruitful exercise for me, so you’ll likely see a few blogposts of mine that feature insights from it.

While admitting the horror of passive use of social media, Dr. Waldinger notices a potential good: “Social media and virtual interaction are here to stay, and they are likely to evolve in unpredictable ways. As we watch the way societies all over the world cope with these technological changes, is there anything we can do in our own lives to magnify the good and mitigate the bad?

Continue reading this blog on Substack HERE.

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The Only Woman in the Bible Who Was Said to Be in Love

Our culture is infatuated with infatuation, but biblical narratives rarely mention this form of love. Let’s look at the one woman in the Bible who is described as being in love with a man and see how that worked out for her. Then we’ll look at a famous man who experienced the same thing. We can pick up a few valuable tips about how to view and manage affairs of the heart. 

Most of us grew up in a culture that is in love with being in love. And why wouldn’t we be? It’s a delicious feeling, and screenwriters, novelists, and song composers know how to bleed the sentiment out of such a transcendent emotion.

Part of being a mature believer is learning to care about what God cares about and learning to emphasize what God emphasizes. And the best place to do that is Scripture. Interestingly enough, there’s only one time in the entire Bible when a woman is said to be “in love” with someone:

Continue reading this free blog on Substack HERE.

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Cherishing Your Spouse Helps You Become More Like Christ

There are a dozen good reasons to learn how to cherish your spouse and to raise the bar in your marriage from just love to love and cherish (just like those pesky vows many of us uttered). One I haven’t written about as much, or even included in my book, is how developing the skills to cherish your spouse by default helps you more closely resemble the character of Christ. I wish I would have thought to put this in the book, but this is one of those reflections/insights that come after you’ve lived with a concept for a while. I hope you enjoy it.

Cherishing your spouse is a great school of character. Everything that is required to cherish a spouse is something that Christian spiritual formation points to and flows from.

For instance, when I surrender to the call to cherish my wife, I surrender to the call to grow in gentleness and graciousness, without which it is impossible to cherish a woman (or a man). You’re not harsh or impatient with someone you cherish. In cherishing I become ever more like the Messiah who won’t break the bruised reed or snuff out the smoldering wick (Isaiah 42:3-4), and who described himself as gentle (Matthew 11:29).

When I surrender to the call to actively cherish my wife, I surrender to the call to forgive quickly and absolutely. Jesus spoke so much about forgiveness (Matthew 6:12ff; 18:21ff; Luke 6:37; John 20:33) that, in a holy way, you could say he was almost obsessed with it. Most of us hate to forgive (though we are desperate to be forgiven), so we need to go to the spiritual gym to exercise this natural weakness away. Cherishing is the cardio machine of choice to help us forgive and to keep forgiving. When we pursue a cherishing marriage, we commit to practicing an art that was so very close to our Savior’s heart.

Continue reading on Substack HERE.

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If You Don’t Know Yourself, You Don’t Know Your Marriage

How the OCEAN Acronym Can Improve Your Relationship

During my research for an upcoming book, I came across a very helpful acronym that describes five personality traits that tend to be genetic in nature. It led to a great conversation with my wife and some friends, helping us understand ourselves, our spouses, and our relationship. I believe it could start a great conversation with your spouse, as well, and perhaps with a small group. 

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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3 Bedroom Lies That Turn Wives Against Their Husbands

Belah Rose, whose interview we posted a month ago, is back to discuss three lies women are often told about their husbands in the bedroom. Belah is vulnerable about her past in this interview, and she explains how she’s come to understand an entirely new perspective toward life and intimacy with her husband. It’s an inspiring tale of redemption and joy. This would be an excellent interview for husbands and wives to listen to together.

Watch this video HERE on Substack.

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Merciful Mothering Is Humble and Kind

When I first met Mary and Dave Gothi, they had read my blog on “A Lifelong Love” where I spoke about couples living on mission together.  In 2011, they had founded a ministry called The Significant Marriage which helps a couple protect their marriage so they can live their purpose together to make a difference in the world for God.  I was so impressed with what they were doing, I gave them my endorsement. We have stayed in touch through the years as Mary updates me on where The Significant Marriage is going around the world since they share at their seminar my message of living on mission as well as thoughts from “Sacred Marriage” and “Cherish.”

So when Mary reached out to ask me to take a look at her new parenting book, “A Mother Like Him: The Practice of Merciful Mothering–Finding the Heart of Jesus in Your Parenting,” I gladly endorsed it saying, “This is a beautiful book. Mary Gothi brilliantly applies the loveliness of God’s mercy to our own parenting. Inspiring, uplifting, and deeply moving.”  I also added her book to my Favorite Reads of 2023 list, saying, “I loved this book. Mary applies God’s mercy as the foundation of parenting. It’s a brilliant, inspiring take. This is how the book ends, which is a great explanation of what it’s all about: “If Jesus were a mom, He would have been slow to anger and quick to cuddle.  He would have laughed often, forgiven easily, and focused on the good in these little people.  Daily He would have shown humble compassion, placing Himself in the heart of a child so that He could embrace their feelings and offer understanding.  As mothers and—for some of us—grandmothers, we can look to Jesus as an example of who we can be if we are faithful to follow His example.  With every decision, every action, I want to be a mother like Him.”

Even though this book is written to moms, there is a chapter for dads and the concepts apply to all parents of all ages and stages. I hope you enjoy this excerpt from her book and will help share the message that, with His help, we can all seek to be more like Jesus in our parenting.

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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The Power of Divine Affirmation, Part 2

Hunting for Glory in all the Wrong Places

This is part two of the second chapter of a book in progress entitled The Good Enough for God Life. You can read chapter one HERE, and the part one of the chapter HERE.

When we are lifted up by divine affirmation and live in the wonder of God’s great love, we become ruined to the opinion of others. We are no longer prisoners to parents’ judgments, our children’s choices, our bosses’ evaluations, or even our spouse’s affection. “My salvation and my honor depend on God” (Psalm 62:7). We have a different well to draw from when all other wells of affirmation have gone empty—the perpetually full and eternal affirmation of our heavenly Father, guaranteed to flow our way by no less a guarantee than the death and resurrection of our Savior Jesus.

Jesus even says that when we rightly live by divine affirmation, by the Good Enough for God Life, the condemnation of others can actually make us rejoice!

Continue reading this blog HERE on Substack.

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Entitlement or Exposure? A New Dynamic to View Your Marriage

It’s always a joy for me to help Simply Sacred readers discover new authors. This week’s post is written by Dr. Corey Allan, a friend of mine and an experienced marriage counselor. He cuts to the core with an insightful perspective: the vast majority of us got married with an “entitlement” attitude, which Corey describes as seeking “companionship, security and fulfillment, viewing our spouse as the missing piece that will make us whole. It’s the notion that because we are in a relationship, we are entitled to have our needs met, our desires fulfilled, and our lives enriched.”

But what if marriage is about exposing our true selves so that we can pursue intimacy and personal growth? Of course, marriage is also about glorifying God, but this post leads us to reconsider the presuppositions with which we enter marriage and shows how an entitlement focus can lead us to misery and alienation instead of growth and intimacy.

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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How to Use the Evils Around an Election to Grow Your Soul in Christ

I don’t usually get political, but there’s one aspect of the coming election that I don’t see people talking about–the rise of evil and the aim of Satan to distract God’s church and even mislead God’s church. My goal is that, come November, you’ll be more rooted in the Lord, with a more settled mind and a more purified soul (2 Corinthians 7:1) than you have now. Recognizing the temptations of an election season, and consciously steering your way around them, can help you accomplish that.

Watch this video HERE.

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