Gary L. Thomas's Blog

My Worst Shower Would Have Been Paul’s Best

If little things are making you frustrated and angry… If not so little things are seriously robbing your joy in life… you just might be holding on to a lie that needs to be exposed. 

Most every Christian worker in the West should realize how much better we have it than the vast majority of those who have gone before us. If not, we’re robbing ourselves of so much joy, and God of so much worship.

I taped a couple of shows recently at Focus on the Family on The Life You Were Reborn to Live: Dismantling 12 Lies that Rob Our Intimacy with God. I stayed in the same hotel I’ve been to probably a dozen times, but for whatever reason, the morning of the interview, the shower temperature was either scalding hot or ice cold. Even so, I realized, if this was the worst shower of my life, it was better than any shower the apostle Paul ever got to enjoy during his missionary trips. And I felt spoiled by God.

Frank Viola published a wonderful book this year, The Untold Story, that puts the New Testament in narrative form. When you read what the early church workers endured, and how simply and even sacrificially they lived, it’s nearly impossible to feel entitled. When Paul wrote, “If we have food and clothing, we will be content with that,” (1 Timothy 6:8), he was writing from experience. Having spent nights floating in the sea, he had learned to make do with even less than that.

Continue reading this free blog over on Substack HERE.

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Is it Time for You to Accept the Ministry You Never Wanted?

One of the most wonderful, glorious, and happiest realities of serving a supernatural God is that we are not in control. At times that can feel scary, but spiritual adventure is one of the best things about being a believer when we get used to it. God has an agenda, and a brilliant way of calling us forward. I’ve talked to so many satisfied servants of God who tell me the powerful ministry they are a part of is a ministry they never envisaged or even wanted. Is it possible God is calling you to something powerful, something your life experience has uniquely prepared you for? You might think your fall or hurt is disqualifying, but what if it’s the very avenue through which God will use you to bless many others?

Lisa and I get to talk to a lot of people in ministry; many are famous, while others are little known. Among the most inspiring, though, are those who have been given “the ministry I never wanted.” It’s a repeated pattern we see all the time.

I recently finished a fabulous book (Love without Exceptions) on the need for the church to welcome those with disabilities, not just in the sense of “we want to give to you and help you” but with the recognition that those with disabilities have much to teach us. It’s a chronicle of various ministries and testimonies of those God has called into this sphere. The most common message you read is, “I never saw this ministry coming, I never wanted to be a part of this ministry, but it’s where God led me.” Maybe it was because a family member became disabled; perhaps the writer herself faced a disability. In the passion to address what was going on (or not happening), voilà, a ministry was born.

My friend Darell was a great athlete, big and strong, and charismatic. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in his twenties, and it progressed somewhat rapidly. He went from being able to bench press 400 pounds to having to use a cane to walk, and then a walker, and then a scooter, and now a motorized chair. Darell was huge in youth ministry, running with and after kids, playing sports, but now he spends his time doing what he calls “the ministry of sitting around.” There was a time when he parked outside a coffee shop, on the sidewalk (there were tables and chairs all around) and made himself available. God brought people to him. Sometimes, with little kids, his chair became a point of inquiry. Others saw him sitting there day after day, sensed the deep well of wisdom and faith, and struck up a conversation. Darell never envisaged or planned a “ministry of sitting around,” but it’s a powerful one.

Continue reading this blog on Substack HERE.

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Do You Fear the Bible? The Ruin of Progressives: The Curse of Conservative Complacency

If you were to rank what you fear most, where does the Bible land? If it’s not right near the top, your soul is in peril. Where you will be ten years from now in your theology, and where your soul will be ten thousand years from now, will be governed in part by how much you fear God’s Word today. Before you dismiss this as outlandish bibliolatry, please hear me out.

To my shame, I have never been a big fan of John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress. So many greater minds than mine have praised it, benefited from it, and extolled it that I assume I’m just dense to the message, for whatever reason. I’ve read it two or three times, trying to see what I’m missing, but it just doesn’t do a lot for me.

Bunyan wrote other works, however, and one of those is called The Fear of God. In the second chapter, Bunyan reminds us that to fear God is to fear His Word, i.e., Scripture. A child who doesn’t listen to what his parents say, or who pays no attention to her parents’ directions, at root does not acknowledge her parents’ authority. It’s not that she doesn’t just fail to fear her parents’ directions; it’s that she doesn’t listen to her parents because she doesn’t respect them. The same is true for us with God and His Word. In a later chapter, Bunyan writes, “This, therefore, teaches us how to judge who fears the Lord. They are those who learn, and who stand in awe of the Word… Those do not fear God who do not love good doctrine, who give no place in their souls to the wholesome truths of the God of heaven revealed in His testament, but rather despise it and its true professors.”

Read this free post on Substack HERE.

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How to Keep the Fun (and sex!) Alive in Marriage

On the paid side, Lisa and I like to periodically give a more “personal” look behind the scenes at what’s going on in our lives and ministry. Adam Weber interviewed us recently, taking a deep dive into how we met and what our marriage has been like (including, ahem, the “spicy” side), so we thought we’d share that with all of you if you’re interested.

An interesting tidbit about Adam: when he interviewed me a few years ago, he saw in my bio that I had spoken in 49 states. He asked which one. Most people usually guessed Alaska or Hawaii, but I’ve spoken in both of those states. When I replied “South Dakota,” Adam said, “we can fix that!” because his church is in South Dakota. We had a great time at Grace Church the following year, and also loved Sioux Falls. Part of me kind of wishes we had stayed at 49 states because, as Lisa puts it, “it sounds more authentic.” But we wouldn’t give up that wonderful weekend for anything.

Listen in over on Substack HERE.

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How to Have Self-Control

In the last week of the Wisdom for Dummies series at Cherry Hills Community Church, I focused on the value of self-control as a key part of living wisely. The message highlighted how self-control helps us make thoughtful decisions, resist impulsive behavior, and stay grounded in our faith. Drawing from biblical principles, I emphasized that self-control isn’t about willpower alone, but about allowing God to shape our character through discipline and trust in Him. Practical examples encouraged listeners to reflect on areas of life—like speech, emotions, or habits—where more intentional restraint could lead to greater peace and purpose.

Watch this sermon HERE.

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Dismantling Family First: Learn the Preeminence of Father God

We’ve been given permission to release another chapter from my new book, The Life You Were Reborn to Live. This is chapter 3, focusing on ordering our loves so that we can love our families best when we prioritize loving God first. And one of the reasons we want to prioritize other relationships is so that we won’t be so dependent on one particular type of relationship (even marriage or parenting).

Human relationships, rightly ordered, with the appropriate spirit, are essential to a flourishing life of community service.

I am a foreigner to my own family, a stranger to my own mother’s children; for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.

Psalm 69:8–9

Nobody warned us what was coming. In fact, we were often promised the opposite. What we heard was that being good, pious Christians and hyperinvolved parents would create a good, pious family, all of whom would follow the Lord and raise grandchildren who would do the same. The implication is that if we are faithful in serving God, all our descendants will be as well.

I can’t count the number of times thirty or forty years ago when someone would point to Congregationalist preacher Jonathan Edwards, whose faith and life produced many impressive descendants, including fourteen college presidents, more than a hundred ministers, another hundred college professors, and so on. I wasn’t told that Jonathan Edwards owned slaves. And so the slavery issue for Edwards blew the “example” theory (be faithful and your progeny will be faithful) part to bits. Real life has a way of seriously challenging that promise.

It wasn’t until I became an empty nester myself and had friends who are empty nesters that I began hearing other stories and perspectives. One earnest father with a broken heart told me, “Gary, I can’t think of hardly any Christian parents with adult kids whose hearts haven’t been seared by their children’s lifestyle or their rejection of their faith.”

When a woman working for a major national ministry shared with me her grief over the pain of a son’s recent decision, I shared this father’s quote to encourage her. She paused and said, “Actually, none of my three boys are following the Lord.”

A counselor told me about the godliest couple he had ever known, the kind of people who bring the presence of Jesus into every room. They were beloved at their church. God used them to heal many marriages and offer counsel to many young people who sought them out. “Their faith was so genuine and powerful and inviting,” the counselor told me, “it was amazing.” Yet when the woman died, an entire year went by before her estranged son even knew it. He was that estranged. An entire church mourned his mother’s passing, and yet for her son, his mother’s funeral was just like any other day ending with y. His absence at the service was painful and shocking.

Learning the preeminence of “Father God”—who is our first, primary, and most important “family” relationship—leads to lives that are stable and secure because our acceptance in Christ is certain and cannot be lost. Putting our sense of well-being and happiness in the hands of fallen people—even people who share our bloodline—is precarious, risky, and hazardous to our peace. It’s like fool’s gold that sparkles from a distance, but when we see it up close, its lack of eternal value becomes clear. We must dismantle the desperation we feel for earthly families to fulfill us and learn instead how to be fulfilled in the spiritual family into which God adopts us.

Life in Christ will lift us up when loved ones let us down. God will draw us close when those we love the most push us away. The same psalmist who wrote, “I am a foreigner to my own family, a stranger to my own mother’s children; for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me” (69:8–9), found comfort in the God who is always there: “I pray to you, LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation. . . . Answer me, LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me” (vv. 13, 16, emphasis added). While admitting the pain of family estrangement, the psalmist bathes in God’s glorious affirmation and love.

Life in Christ hinges on the notion that Jesus claims not just our first allegiance but our entire allegiance. Our commitment to our family is a subset of our commitment to God, not vice versa. We shouldn’t try to use God to get the family we want (“we’ll pay lip service to you, God, if you just keep us all happy and united”). Rather, we put our family on the altar, along with everything else, so we can be 100 percent surrendered to our Lord, Master, and King.

Jesus doesn’t promise that faith will always bring families together. On the contrary, “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved” (Matthew 10:21–22).

Some of us must learn that God—simply God—is good enough for us, even if there is no family alongside us. It is a true blessing when we can have both God and close family relationships—heaven on earth! One of my happiest moments was sitting in a small church, glancing up during worship to see my then three teenage children worshiping God, two raising their hands in praise. Another incredibly happy moment for me was the summer all three were involved in missions opportunities. Not much can be more fulfilling than that. It is natural to want that. But what we are promised is God, and God alone; what we are warned about is putting family before God.

Job did not curse God when his children physically died, and we must not curse God if our children spiritually die. And we must never join them in their spiritual death by choosing them over God.

Continue reading this blog on Substack HERE.

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The Five Senses of Sex

I was honored to be a guest on Dr. Corey Allan’s show to discuss “The Five Senses of Sex.” Here’s how he describes it:

In this conversation, Gary Thomas joins me as we explore the intricacies of married intimacy, focusing on the importance of emotional connection and the five senses in enhancing sexual experiences.

We discuss how cultural perspectives shape our understanding of intimacy, the significance of touch, sound, taste, sight, and smell, and how these elements can be integrated to create a richer, more fulfilling experience.

Gary emphasizes the need for couples to adapt to changes in their sexual dynamics over time and to embrace new possibilities for connection.

I enjoyed my conversation with Corey (as always), and hope you enjoy it as well. Keep in mind the topic and adult audience–this podcast will border on the explicit.

Listen HERE.

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We Hope and We Love: A Passion for the Parents of Prodigals

Many parents of prodigals feel tremendous embarrassment over what their adult children are doing, but imagine if you face that challenge while living the very public life of being the daughter of the most famous evangelist in the twentieth century.

I’ve loved teaching at The Cove, the Billy Graham training center in Asheville, North Carolina. One of the fringe benefits is getting to spend time with Gigi Graham, Billy and Ruth Graham’s daughter. The stories she tells are both hilarious and moving. Over our last couple of times together, Gigi has shared the pain she felt as the mother of 7 children, two of whom had some rough times of rebellion and spiritual collapse. She graciously allowed me to include her story, and has shared a private, unpublished manuscript from which I quote.

Warning: this is a really long post. I’m thinking this will serve as one of the last chapters in the book in progress (When Christian Parents Hurt) because it encapsulates, in story form, a lot of the teaching that precedes it. I’d love to get your thoughts on this. Is it too long? Are there easy cuts to make? Do you find her spiritual journey and wisdom as helpful to reflect on as I did? Please let us know in the comments.

The daughter of one of the most influential evangelical leaders of the twentieth century wrote:

“I stood in the doorway, watching my son walk slowly down the driveway and out into the street. Then, with a heart that felt heavy as lead, I reluctantly turned away.

“I forced myself to go through the motions of fixing dinner and doing the evening chores. When I finally crawled into bed, I lay awake, crying and wondering. Where was he? Had he eaten supper? Did he have a place to sleep? Could we have done things differently? Would he ever come home again?

“I thought back over the past months. The ups and downs, the emotions, the harsh words, the frustrations, the disobedience, the dishonesty, the questions, the long nights…sitting and waiting, wondering, worrying, asking, ‘Why?’

“Why was this son choosing to rebel against all we’d offered him? A warm, loving home, physical comfort, an education, a godly heritage….

“I never expected to be awakened late at night by police officers holding large dogs on tight leashes at the front door, calls from detention centers, unsavory friends, drugs, theft, wild dress to go with even wilder behavior…

“Unable to control the tears, I thought about all the chances we had given our son…I wasn’t prepared for a prodigal. I never imagined that one night I would lie in bed wondering where my son was. But, once you love, you are never free again.

“After years of our giving all we had to this beloved child, he chose to disregard his training and reject his teaching.”[i]

Gigi Graham prefers not to be described as Billy and Ruth Graham’s oldest daughter. “Call me the daughter they loved the longest,” she says. “Not the most, but certainly the longest.”

She’s the mother of seven, grandmother of twenty-two, and soon-to-be great-grandmother of 16.

I heard her speak to a room full of military couples about how she prayed so long for a prodigal son before he returned to faith, so I requested an interview for this book. When we connected, I asked her to tell me the story of her prodigal and she responded, “Which one?” It was then I knew she was a perfect guide for us. Her wisdom runs deep, rooted in real-life experience, and she has had ample time to reflect on Christian parenting.

“Our first son, Stephan, was a model child. Our fourth child, Tullian, was our sunshine but became our prodigal at age 12.” Note, the same family structure produced two kids who responded in very different ways: “We had regular family devotions, took them to church, and had a fun family. To this day, none of our children has anything negative to say about their upbringing.

“And then, one day, one of them decided to turn into a rebel. It started with him smoking, which, nowadays, doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but back then it did. He lied about it, stayed out late, or sneaked out of the house.”

That was frustrating, to be sure, but it was an entirely different matter when he ran away from home in his early teens.

“I was so distraught when he ran away that I couldn’t sleep. In the middle of the night, I sat down on a bench by the lake, totally devastated. I didn’t know where he was, a slight child on his own in Fort Lauderdale; was he being beaten up?”

Let me say, again as a pastor, that I feel parents’ pain when they face situations like this. It’s a unique pain for a parent because children can launch such vicious cruelty against their parents. In their pain, they may not intend to be cruel or don’t even recognize what they are doing as cruel, but I can’t imagine a crueler thing to do to a loving mom than to run off at a young age and leave her sick with worry. It’s undoubtedly one of the sharpest arrows a child can shoot, however unintentionally.

Gigi prayed through the night after her son ran away. She couldn’t go to sleep, so after she got the other kids in bed she walked down by the lake and sat on a bench. “I was just totally devastated. I didn’t know where he was, and he was a slight child. He wasn’t a big, heavy child, and Fort Lauderdale was sort of crazy. I didn’t know if he was on the beach, on the street, or if someone was beating him up. I didn’t know anything.

“So I sat down on the bench and said, ‘Okay, Lord, I’m asking you for a favor. You say we have angels around us and I believe it, but I want to see one.’”

She gave God time.

“I didn’t rush him, and I never saw an angel.”

So Gigi offered a second prayer. “Okay, Lord, if that’s too much, could you just have an angel flick his wings up in that pine tree? I just want to know they’re here.”

No flick.

No angel wings.

Gigi finally went back to bed. “I had to go back to bed to get up in the morning for the other kids. But I was distraught.”

After she got the kids up and off to school the next morning, the telephone began to ring. Close friends had heard what had happened, and “so many caring friends” wanted to know what they could do.

“We’ll bring you dinner tonight.”

“We’re coming over to pray with you.”

“This went on for so long that I realized that while I didn’t see an angel, God showed me so many people who were standing with me.” The “angels” of his church! They were God’s messengers with physical bodies.

Let’s remember that God hears our prayers. He may not answer them precisely the way we want Him to, but be open to God’s provision through other methods. Recognize His works and receive them as acts of God’s great kindness and mercy.

Continue reading this blog on Substack HERE.

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Win By Losing

Did you know that in marriage, you can win a lot by losing?

You can.

I never intentionally try to anger or frustrate my wife, but I did something regularly that caused a significant amount of stress. Lisa hated it when I wore my running shoes back into the house after a run. I was careful about not tracking in mud, but this was back when we lived in Houston, and most of the time in Houston I ran on streets and sidewalks. I’d wipe my shoes carefully on the three mats she has laid out on my way into our house (two outside, one inside) and though I couldn’t see a speck of dirt on my shoes walking into the house, Lisa would point out dogs had walked and…done other things…on those sidewalks, so she still wanted me to take my shoes off at the door.

A previous bout with plantar fasciitis had led a doctor to tell me never to walk barefoot (my running shoes have orthotics), so I used a doctor’s excuse to discount Lisa’s request, but really, I just thought Lisa was being too fastidious. I give in about many things but this was doctor’s orders!

Read this blog over on Substack HERE.

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Promises, Promises

How do Christian parents with broken hearts cope with their frustration towards God when seemingly promised outcomes from Scripture fail to materialize for their families? I’ve published part of this post before, but I decided to add a crucial section I’d like your feedback on. I’ve found many parents with prodigal children who want to understand the meaning behind Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go and in the end he will not depart from it.” Some parents feel they did that, but their children went down a different path. We’ll dive deep into what this verse does and doesn’t promise. As always, all feedback is welcome. 

God promised David, “Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever’” (2 Samuel 7:16).[i] That’s a huge promise. But did all of David’s children follow God faithfully?

Did this promise keep David’s oldest son Amnon from raping David’s daughter Tamar? Did the promise keep Absalom from murdering Amnon?

Did the promise—including David’s tears, prayers, fasting and vigil—save the life of David’s first child with Bathsheba?

Did it prevent Absalom from temporarily stealing his father’s throne?

Did the promise prevent David’s son Solomon from executing David’s other son Adonijah? Did it ensure that Solomon lived his entire life faithfully following Yahweh and ridding Israel of all idol worship?

Will all of David’s children be in heaven? Has there been an earthly descendant of David on the throne of Israel in an unbroken manner for the last three thousand years?

No, no, no, no, and no. The promise in 2 Samuel points to the fulfillment of Christ’s ultimate reign, and it will be true, in that sense, through all of eternity. But God didn’t give David the satisfaction of knowing every child and every grandchild would be part of that eternal kingdom. In the same way, we mustn’t take general scriptural promises and make them apply to our individual desires for each one of our children.

Continue reading this post on Substack HERE.

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