Gary L. Thomas's Blog, page 14

Why Parental Pain Is Often Worse for Christian Parents

There are overwhelming blessings of being a Christian while raising your children. We have hope, joy, and gratitude, and trust in the God we worship. I couldn’t even imagine raising children outside of faith. But let’s be honest: Christian parents often have a higher level of pain and even fear because we are Christians and we care so much about our children’s faith. This doesn’t get talked about enough, so let’s discuss it here.

On his way to the cross, Jesus foretold a time when sorrow would be greater for parents: “For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’” (Luke 23:29). When times go bad, the blessing of children can start to feel like a curse.

While Jesus warns that parenting can increase your pain, I would add that being a Christian parent can exacerbate that pain even further. Why? Our kids could be shining examples in the world’s eyes—financially successful, seemingly happy, healthy, well-employed, and living in good neighborhoods—but a Christian’s first concern is for their children’s spiritual welfare. The desire for our children’s eternal good and happiness can take over our hearts, eclipsing all else. It’s natural for Christian parents to feel this way, but it also puts us at peril.

Continue reading this post on Substack HERE.

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What Do Children Need From Their Parents?

If we spend too much time providing things for our kids that they don’t truly need, we can lose sight of what they truly do. I came across an intriguing list in one of John White’s old books and thought this could start a healthy discussion: What do our children truly need? And, by extension, what don’t they need? 

Most of us know our children don’t need a six-thousand-square-foot home with a pool and a backyard to flourish. They may not even need their own bedroom. But what do they need?

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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How Humility Serves Creativity

There’s a fascinating story behind the genesis of the crawls at the beginning of the Star Wars movies. It’s impossible for most of us to even imagine those movies without the crawls—they became almost as famous as the characters and the music—but the first version (the one the general public never saw) didn’t have one.

Robert Downey Jr. recounted a conversation with Steven Spielberg[i] about why and how these crawls were created. As was his custom, George Lucas screened the early version of the film in the Bay area in front of a bunch of accomplished filmmakers. Brian DePalma stood up and said, “This doesn’t make sense! Where am I? Is this in the future? Where is it in space?”

Lucas realized he needed to set some context, but he wanted to do so without filming something new or slowing down the beginning.

Thus, the crawl.

Apparently, Spielberg, Lucas, and Francis Ford Coppola had this open forum with their peers where they screened and commented on each other’s movies before the general public saw them.

Who knew?

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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Rescued or Entitled? How You View Yourself Makes all the Difference

There are many points in Scripture that challenge and confront the way we naturally view ourselves and God. The only way to thrive in Christ is to submit to God’s perspective; otherwise, we’ll be fighting him, and fighting God is futile. He’s always right, and He holds the reins. When I talk to people who are bitter toward God, there is almost always a sense of entitlement behind their bitterness, as if God hasn’t held up His end of the bargain. When we see what Scripture actually promises and how God has over-delivered on that, we can move to the intimacy-building and worship-producing perspective that we have been rescued. The battle over worship begins in our hearts–do we see ourselves as ones who are entitled, and thus justified in our grievance toward God, or ones who have been rescued and treated far better than we deserve?

Watch this video HERE.

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Summarizing Spiritual Formation

I recently finished The Journey Toward God by Benedict J. Groeschel, with Kevin Perotta. It’s a collection of sayings and excerpts from the three main threads of the Christian tradition: Protestantism, Roman Catholicism, and Eastern Orthodoxy. It’s similar in approach to my first book, Thirsting for God, in its pursuit of a common Christian spirituality. There’s a big difference in that I weave far more of my own points and ruminations between shorter quotes in my book; Groeschel pretty much writes an introduction and then excerpts from the Christian classics without comment.

At the end of the book, Groeschel has an epilogue summarizing the main points, which I found interesting and stimulating to think about. I don’t want to overly direct conversation here, so I’ll simply excerpt these points and would love to get your feedback. When you think about the main emphases of the Christian life, would you add anything to this list? Perhaps subtract anything? I’m interested to hear what you think. 

Be led by God and His Providence.  In no aspect of human endeavor is it more necessary to grasp the meaning of the psalmist, “The Lord is my shepherd.” (Psalm 23:1).

Model your life on Christ.  There is a way in your own individual life to be a follower of Christ.  Usually we pick and choose some aspect of the life of Christ to guide us, and then we leave out other things that we find frightening or too demanding.  Most of us avoid the Cross, and yet it is the central mystery and message of Jesus of Nazareth.  By love He transformed the worst sin ever committed into the act that redeemed the world.

Continue reading this blog on Substack HERE.

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Essential Obedience: If Our Beliefs Don’t Change Our Behavior, Our Behavior Will Change Our Beliefs

The source of Christian health, worship, zeal, and growth is twofold: right beliefs and obedience. Jesus defined discipleship as teaching others to obey everything He commands (Matt 28:20). Yet an increasing number of influencers are trying to create a faith that isn’t based on obedience to Jesus’ commands but rather some amorphous principle used to circumvent them. If we love Jesus, we love and obey His commands (1 John 5:3). I don’t suspect that this is anything new to any of those who read this blog, but it’s a necessary reminder.  

Read this free blog over on Substack HERE.

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Resetting Physical Intimacy in Your Marriage

A couple of months ago, author, speaker, and licensed counselor Debra Fileta hosted an online conference (in which I was invited to participate and share) on resetting your physical intimacy. Has the bedroom become a bit stale? Is it okay but slightly frustrating? Is it already fairly satisfying but you think it could be more? If any of these apply to your marriage, we’re offering that paid conference free to our paid Substack subscribers this week. This would be a good one to watch with your spouse. It may generate a lot of good conversation. Hope you enjoy it!

Also keep in mind: if you’re in a financially tight situation but believe the material on the paid side would be helpful to you and/or your marriage, please let us know. Though we keep the price low ($6 a month for annual subscriptions), we have “scholarships” all the way down to zero for those who could benefit and who really don’t have $6 a month to spare. We offer paid subscriptions for those who are inclined and have the means to help support what we’re doing on Substack, but if you’re in a tight time financially, we don’t want anyone to be deprived of access. You can email alli@garythomas.com. 

Watch this video over on Substack HERE.

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Toward Sexual Wholeness for the Single Christian

Confession: I’ve never really been single. I got married at 22, and am less than two months away from celebrating my 40th anniversary with Lisa. I’ve now been married almost 2/3 of my life (and I was in toddlerhood and adolescence for the other third), so I’m not one to turn to in order to discuss the sexual tension of being a believer who is single. But Dr. Carol Tanksley, author of Sexpectations (see her earlier post HERE), didn’t get married until her forties, and now is a widow. She knows and understands what it is to be sexual and single, and what that means for a believer in Jesus. I love her advice and am eager to share it with you this week. Also, please consider checking out her book; it’s one I highly recommend.

Continue reading this free post over on Substack HERE.

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The Spiritual Pandemic of Broken-Hearted Parents

I’m fleshing some thoughts and conversations into a future book that is considerably off in the future. But I’ve had so many broken-hearted parents of adult children confide in me or ask for words of comfort and advice. I don’t see this being addressed the way it needs to be. On the other hand, I don’t want the paid side of this Substack column to focus on the heartbreak of raising adult children, so we’ll plan on releasing an excerpt about once a month. Your comments will be most welcome, as this is certainly a work in progress (and one of my editors thinks there just isn’t a big enough market for a book like this anyway). 

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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An Empathetic Voice for Men

After last week’s interview with “Samson,” I asked Belah Rose, founder of Delight Your Marriage, to listen in and offer a response. What I appreciate so much about Belah’s work (apart from the compelling testimonies of healed marriages) is the way she can challenge both men and women. She empathetically helps men be more sensitive to their wives and understand their wives’ patterns of thinking, while also helping wives be more sensitive to their husbands. Plenty of podcasters take one side or the other; Belah is marked by her compassion and understanding for both. She gets what men like Samson have lived through, and also believes that even in those tough cases, men often need to take the first step (just as, in some cases, spiritually mature women will need to take the first step). 

This interview is directed toward men in a difficult marriage–what they can do to get through to their wives while also owning up to their own lack of understanding or past misdeeds. At the end, we talk about how Belah works with men in these situations. If you’re facing a situation like Samson’s, you need more than a blog post or podcast: you need a plan and a team. That’s not something I can offer, but Belah’s team has put together one that has an admirable track record. 

Watch this discussion HERE on Substack.

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