Gary L. Thomas's Blog, page 15

Resetting Physical Intimacy in Your Marriage

A couple of months ago, author, speaker, and licensed counselor Debra Fileta hosted an online conference (in which I was invited to participate and share) on resetting your physical intimacy. Has the bedroom become a bit stale? Is it okay but slightly frustrating? Is it already fairly satisfying but you think it could be more? If any of these apply to your marriage, we’re offering that paid conference free to our paid Substack subscribers this week. This would be a good one to watch with your spouse. It may generate a lot of good conversation. Hope you enjoy it!

Also keep in mind: if you’re in a financially tight situation but believe the material on the paid side would be helpful to you and/or your marriage, please let us know. Though we keep the price low ($6 a month for annual subscriptions), we have “scholarships” all the way down to zero for those who could benefit and who really don’t have $6 a month to spare. We offer paid subscriptions for those who are inclined and have the means to help support what we’re doing on Substack, but if you’re in a tight time financially, we don’t want anyone to be deprived of access. You can email alli@garythomas.com. 

Watch this video over on Substack HERE.

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Toward Sexual Wholeness for the Single Christian

Confession: I’ve never really been single. I got married at 22, and am less than two months away from celebrating my 40th anniversary with Lisa. I’ve now been married almost 2/3 of my life (and I was in toddlerhood and adolescence for the other third), so I’m not one to turn to in order to discuss the sexual tension of being a believer who is single. But Dr. Carol Tanksley, author of Sexpectations (see her earlier post HERE), didn’t get married until her forties, and now is a widow. She knows and understands what it is to be sexual and single, and what that means for a believer in Jesus. I love her advice and am eager to share it with you this week. Also, please consider checking out her book; it’s one I highly recommend.

Continue reading this free post over on Substack HERE.

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The Spiritual Pandemic of Broken-Hearted Parents

I’m fleshing some thoughts and conversations into a future book that is considerably off in the future. But I’ve had so many broken-hearted parents of adult children confide in me or ask for words of comfort and advice. I don’t see this being addressed the way it needs to be. On the other hand, I don’t want the paid side of this Substack column to focus on the heartbreak of raising adult children, so we’ll plan on releasing an excerpt about once a month. Your comments will be most welcome, as this is certainly a work in progress (and one of my editors thinks there just isn’t a big enough market for a book like this anyway). 

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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An Empathetic Voice for Men

After last week’s interview with “Samson,” I asked Belah Rose, founder of Delight Your Marriage, to listen in and offer a response. What I appreciate so much about Belah’s work (apart from the compelling testimonies of healed marriages) is the way she can challenge both men and women. She empathetically helps men be more sensitive to their wives and understand their wives’ patterns of thinking, while also helping wives be more sensitive to their husbands. Plenty of podcasters take one side or the other; Belah is marked by her compassion and understanding for both. She gets what men like Samson have lived through, and also believes that even in those tough cases, men often need to take the first step (just as, in some cases, spiritually mature women will need to take the first step). 

This interview is directed toward men in a difficult marriage–what they can do to get through to their wives while also owning up to their own lack of understanding or past misdeeds. At the end, we talk about how Belah works with men in these situations. If you’re facing a situation like Samson’s, you need more than a blog post or podcast: you need a plan and a team. That’s not something I can offer, but Belah’s team has put together one that has an admirable track record. 

Watch this discussion HERE on Substack.

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A Work of Genius: Why You Should Consider Reading Susan Howatch’s Starbridge Series

I love novels of all kinds, but for me, Susan Howatch’s books tower above all others. After writing a series of best-selling novels that might be described as sweeping family dramas, in the 1980s she began the Starbridge series, six novels that capture the growth of the Anglican Church in Europe from the 1930s until the late seventies. Three main characters float in and out of each novel–one representing the conservative wing, one the mystical wing, and one the liberal wing. In this short video, I share my passion for this work and will hopefully persuade a few of you to give it a try. And if by some miracle Susan Howatch ever sees this, will you please, please, PLEASE come out of retirement and give us more?

Watch HERE on Substack.

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A Husband Pushes Back Against Enough Is Enough: Am I Harder on Men Than Women?

Did you know that the demographic most likely to commit suicide in the United States is white men over the age of 50? That may not fit the narrative of those who have other agendas, but it should alert us to be sensitive to a growing group of men who feel like they have no advocates and little empathy from pastors. After reading my post Revisiting Enough is Enough, a husband in a difficult marriage sent a thoughtful email asking me if I’d “flip” the advice for men, and then point blank asked, are you more difficult on men than women? Historically, I think I have been, but I also think there’s a reason for that, which I explain in this interview with the husband. Still, I wanted to give him a platform to state his case, that while the majority of the time we do need to call men to account, that narrative is changing and we have to admit that some men are married to very difficult wives. I still don’t think the same “rules” necessarily apply to men who want to seek divorce–and I explain why in this interview.                                                  

I know many women are still so hurt and even traumatized from being married to truly abusive husbands. If that’s you, I’d recommend you not listen to this one. Saying some women caused the downfall of their marriage isn’t to suggest that you did, and I don’t want you to think for a second that I’m blaming or accusing you or doubting what you endured. This interview is in fact geared more toward men who want to hear another man speak up on their behalf and say, “It’s not always your fault,” as well as to ministry leaders to remind them that always blaming the husband with words like “What are you doing to cause her to act that way,” something I hope no pastor would ever say to a wife (though many have in the past), is something we need to be sensitive to when talking to men as well. 

Listen on Substack HERE.

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The Joys of a Marriage That Is Based on Holiness

When two people strive to know, love, and serve God together, they can enter a dimension of marriage unparalleled on this planet. A special blessing follows when each spouse is determined to love each other out of reverence and worship. Sadly, to some, the word “holiness” sounds like a killjoy, but listen to these testimonies from notable church figures on the joy of a truly Christian marriage built on reverence, worship, and the pursuit of holiness. They are not all easy to understand, but each is worth the mental work required to understand their message. They point to an all-too-neglected aspect of marriage: shared spiritual pursuit.

Continue reading this blog on Substack HERE.

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Fall More in Love with Your Spouse by Loving Your Spouse

Happy times in marriage are fun, and I celebrate God and thank Him for every one. But the older I get, the more I realize that often, the difficult times become the most meaningful. That’s been the kind of season Lisa and I are in now. The last two weeks have been among the most tiring of my life, but I wouldn’t give them up for what it’s done for our marriage. 

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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It’s Official: My Next Book

It’s been a long journey getting my next book–one that doesn’t focus on marriage–into the publishing assembly line. It’ll be published by Zondervan, and they’ve just signed off on the subject. While they still get to approve the actual manuscript, I’m excited for what this book represents. It took a long time to write, and thanks to Substack, I got more pre-publication, helpful feedback on this book than any book I’ve ever written. 

If you’d like to know what the book is about, this video will briefly discuss the individual chapters. We still don’t know what the final title will be–maybe one of you will think of something brilliant!

Watch this video HERE.

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Disastrous Drift

The woman on the other line exploded Diana’s life with one question: “Did you know your husband is about to meet my daughter for a rendezvous at the next NASCAR race?”

When Ken and Diana’s daughter made some horrible decisions, Diana made their teenager her number one priority. Then the computers went down at Diana’s workplace. As the IT manager, she made getting the computer network back up her second priority. She stayed at the office late and brought work home.

Ken was barely hanging in there at priority number three.

You can understand Diana’s mindset. When your child is in crisis, it’s not easy to think about marital romance. When everyone at your workplace is begging you to fix a problem because work has all but stopped until you do, it’s hard to see keeping your marriage intimate as similarly urgent.

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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