Gary L. Thomas's Blog, page 13

Four Lies Couples Hear About Marriage From Well-Meaning Teachers

If you’ve ever ridden a bike, you know that over-correcting can cause a crash. You see a potential problem, over-correct, and soon you’re scraped up and lying on your back. While it’s crucial to refine and sometimes even refute poor teaching from a prior generation (that may still be going on in some sectors), there’s always a tendency to overcorrect and thus unwittingly peddle other errors. Belah Rose from Delight Your Marriage has worked with many couples. She is passionate about pleasing and honoring God and living according to His word, while also bringing married couples to new heights of intimacy and understanding. Belah has identified four lies about marriage that result from over-correcting. I appreciate her perspective and insight and am eager to share her thoughts with you. 

Watch this conversation HERE on Substack.

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Unpopular Opinions: Eat and Drink Your Tithe

Many churches preach regular (and annual) series on tithing, using carefully (and selectively) chosen passages from the Old Testament, particularly when Malachi urges us not to “rob” God of these tithes. But I’ve never—not once—heard a sermon on tithing that uses Moses’ words in Deuteronomy 14: “Be sure to set aside a tenth of all that your fields produce each year…Exchange your tithe for silver, and take the silver with you and go to the place the Lord your God will choose. Use the silver to buy whatever you like: cattle, sheep, wine or other fermented drink, or anything you wish. Then you and your household shall eat there in the presence of the Lord your God and rejoice” (vv. 22, 25-27).

God is literally instructing the Israelites to eat and drink their tithe.

To be fair, Moses does add, “And do not neglect the Levites” (i.e., those in full-time ministry), (v. 28) as well as the poor (v. 29). For most of us living in affluence (defining “affluence” worldwide and historically, most of us are), the tithe is a good place to start, not stop. Greed and materialism are denounced throughout Scripture, and both are monstrous inhibitors of spiritual growth. Having said that, I’ve never heard a preacher tell his congregation to save even part of their tithe and use it to buy filet mignon, a fine wine, go to an expensive restaurant, and enjoy this tithe “in the presence of the Lord God,” rejoicing in his goodness to us.

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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The Power of Divine Affirmation, Part 1

This is part one of the second chapter of a book in progress entitled The Good Enough for God Life. You can read chapter one HERE.

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”

Psalm 62:5-8

The “Good Enough for God Life” that Dan is talking about assumes conversion. After we have been called, welcomed, forgiven, and redeemed by God, we don’t have to live up to any other opinion or any other judgment. The Good Enough for God Life is about living in the wonder of God’s great love. We don’t feel better about ourselves because of who we are, but because of who God is. The fact that we are, in Christ, good enough for God, is a gift, not an achievement. It’s a statement of relationship, not pride.

It’s about reminding ourselves daily that God has the final say. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

It’s not about finding our identity in ourselves.

To continue reading this blog over on Substack click HERE.

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Was I a Bad Parent? Part 2

Last week, we met Arianna, broken-hearted over her son’s rejection of Jesus (please read that post first HERE before you read this one). This week, we look at the disconnect in Scripture between parents’ faith and kids’ faithfulness by examining the “Samuel Syndrome.” And then we conclude with my final pastoral words to Arianna–three truths that I hope helped her deal with this real heartbreak. 

The Samuel Syndrome

Samuel was a seminal figure in Israel’s history and, by all accounts, a faithful servant of God (see 1 Samuel 2:35 and 12:1 – 5). Yet both his kids rebelled against God:

“When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as judges over Israel…However, his sons did not walk in his ways–they turned toward dishonest profit, took bribes, and perverted justice” (1 Samuel 8:1, 3).

Some Christian authors have put the blame for this on Samuel, assuming he failed as a father (warning that ministry can get in the way of parenting), but nowhere does Scripture even hint at this. It just says that Samuel’s sons turned out to be miserable characters. Eli — ​whom Samuel succeeded — ​is specifically charged with not restraining his sons (1 Samuel 3:13), so the fact that the Bible remains silent about Samuel’s alleged failure could mean that God doesn’t fault him for his kids’ choice to lead ungodly lives.

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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I Was Wishing for a Dad Like You

When I was asked to preach on Father’s Day, I wanted to encourage men instead of beating them up, as so many Father’s Day sermons do. I felt my prayers were answered when I got this email. 

Good evening,

My family and I have been attending CHCC for a little less than a year.  My wife and I have two girls – and I recently started serving on the worship team.

I wanted to express my appreciation for the Father’s Day message today. As the sermon progressed, sitting next to my wife and daughter, I soon found my eyes were wet with tears.  I fought back openly crying.

At first, I was confused – what exactly had done it? I’m still processing, but I think it had something to do with the unrelenting affirmation. You’re okay; you’re doing a great job; you’re valued; you’re loved. You’re enough.

Maybe it’s that it feels so easy to look down on men, and masculinity, these days. Maybe there’s just so little time spent actually allowing praise and validation for men in our culture, for any number of reasons.

Regardless, it was deeply moving. It was cathartic. And it encouraged me to be an even better dad. I’m so appreciative of Gary’s words, and the way he was able to inspire the guys of CHCC today.

Thank you.

If you’re a dad who needs encouragement; a woman or man who wants to come to grips with your dad’s own failings; or a young adult who has taken your father for granted, you might find some inspiration here. 

Watch this sermon on Substack HERE.

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Was I a Bad Parent? Part 1

When an adult child goes astray, the most common question I hear as a pastor is, “Was I a bad parent?” We tend to take responsibility for our adult children’s faith or lack thereof, even though I believe Scripture refutes any such notion. The challenge is that every one of us could have been better parents. I mean, who thinks they were perfect as parents? And how good is good enough? So guilt has many places to lodge while it condemns us, accuses us, and discourages us. This will be a two-part post, as the discussion is a long one. Today’s post seeks just to answer the question, “Was I a bad parent,” with verses that say “not necessarily.” In the coming months, we’ll need to help parents come to terms with genuine failings, but for now, let’s just do our best at answering this first and most pressing question. (Of course, the good news is that because of the love and power of Jesus, even if we were bad parents, that doesn’t put any child outside of God’s reach.)

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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Finding Freedom From Toxic People

I had a wonderful conversation with Whitney from Woven Ministry about how Jesus taught and modeled walking away from the toxic people who tear us down and impair our ministries. Six verses after Matthew 6:33 (Seek first the Kingdom of God) we read Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:6 about not throwing our pearls before swine, and warning us what will happen if we do. He tells us to play defense right after telling us to go on the offense.  Whitney and I talk about the difference between a toxic person and a difficult person, and how to handle that difference even if we suspect it’s a family member who might be toxic. While my book When to Walk Away goes into all this and much more, I realize not everyone is into books; if you’d like a 45 minute verbal synopsis, this would be a good place to start.

Listen to this podcast HERE.

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Show Me the Wonders of Your Great Love

Two truths carry me as I get older: knowing that (only in Christ, of course) I’m good enough for God, and secondly, that God is good enough for me. Divine affirmation is an essential component for someone who wants to serve God. We will be mocked, challenged and ignored, but divine affirmation lifts us to a place of courageous service and sweet peace. The second part, that God is good enough for me, is essential to avoid the allure of sin, the idolatry of family, the need for recognition, and concerns about daily provision. 

I hope to combine these two into a book someday, but perhaps you all will think this isn’t really a book. At any rate, can I try some of it out on you? Please let me know, does this resonate with you? Is it just me? I’d love to get your feedback here. I won’t run potential chapters back to back to back; rather, I’m planning on posting maybe one a month. If you enjoy this approach, there’s more to come. If you don’t, hopefully you’ll connect with other posts around it. 

If you’re reading this introduction and can’t afford to subscribe (this month it’s just $40 for an annual subscription), but you think you need to read this, please email alli@garythomas.com and we’ll set you up for a complimentary subscription. The subscription just offers an opportunity for those who are able to support the readership of all those who aren’t, but it’s not meant to be exclusionary. A huge thank you to those who support this work.

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“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.”

Psalm 63:3

Dan Carroll grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic mom who cycled him through eight elementary schools in a desperate but vain attempt to straighten him out. When he turned eight, she dropped him off at a strict military school.

To be fair, Dan’s mom was a deeply troubled woman who tried to commit suicide twice: once with her head in the oven and once by slitting her wrists. Dan’s dad was a believer, but given his troubled wife, he thought military school might be the best option to get Dan out of a dysfunctional house.

Dan hated the military school and soon fled into the surrounding foothills of California. He called his mom, begging her to let him come home. She promised Dan that if he returned home she wouldn’t take him back to the military school but that was a lie. As soon as Dan returned, she drove him back to the school.

Continue reading this post on Substack HERE.

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Walkaway Jesus

After When to Walk Away came out, a person on social media who saw the title but never read the content simply said, “Jesus never walked away from anyone, and we shouldn’t either.” That’s an understandable default reaction, and since I was so blinded myself, for so long, to walking away as sometimes a necessary strategy, I could understand her visceral rejection. But this chapter should put that notion to rest. My publisher has allowed us to print both chapter one, HERE, and this chapter, chapter 2, in its entirety, to celebrate When to Walk Away, surpassing over 100,000 copies sold.

Click HERE to read this chapter.

If you would rather listen to this chapter click HERE.

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Getting at the Core Message Behind Sacred Marriage’s, “What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?”

When I updated Sacred Marriage in 2015, Gateway Bible asked me a few questions that I appreciated receiving, as answering them helped readers get into the core message.  

Here are the questions I answer:

“What’s the real meaning behind that subtitle?” 

“What unique challenges do you think today’s younger generation face in their marriages?” 

“For Christians who are having a hard time getting along with their spouse, what is the best advice you can give that will help them find peace in their situation and see improvement?” 

“What impact has this book had on the church at large?”

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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