Elora Canne's Blog, page 8
May 19, 2022
Are You in a Conscious Relationship?
I invite you to read on...
This is what mindbodygreen.com interprets a conscious relationship to mean:
A conscious relationship is a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth.
Individual growth. Shared growth as a couple.
Collective growth that makes the world a better place.
You can read the rest of their article at the following link: The 4 Qualities of a Conscious Relationship
I would add that a conscious relationship is not limited to a romantic connection,
but also extends to family and friends as the two are intrinsically linked as I will illustrate below.
https://unsplash.com/@_visalliartI've recently had the absolute pleasure of reading a number of books related to all topics of connection in our lives.
Each one shows how irrefutably our network of relating to each other stems from our perception of connection.
≽ Quoted from Stronger Connections by Rosie Kendall: People will have different qualities with which you can connect.
Our perception of their qualities will relate to similar qualities we feel a connection to, but someone else might not value those connections at all. Therefore, it is our own perception of connection at play.
≽ Quoted from Dear Barb 2: Advice for Daily Life by Barbara Godin: Our sense of self-love and who we are, needs to be at the core of our being and unshakable by others.
Without our self-awareness firmly intact, we simply cannot connect authentically to another being. My definition of self-awareness is to know our limits, flaws and weaknesses and still appreciate and love ourselves for who we are; then we can wholeheartedly enter into a relationship with confidence which impacts our connection positively.
≽ Quoted from Midnight Calling: A Memoir of a Drug Smuggler's Daughter by Lynn Walker: But this was my chance to let him see the real me. If I shared that part of myself, I was certain we could be close again.
As the memoir title suggests, this relates to a father/daughter relationship, but the quote speaks equally to all our connections with the people in our lives. We yearn so strongly for connection that we are willing to give of ourselves with absolute abandon.
Midnight Calling cont.: But trusting someone doesn't mean they'll never hurt you. It just means if they do hurt you, you'll talk about it and try to work it out. You'll give them a chance to repair things. THAT, dear reader, is a conscious relationship!
https://unsplash.com/@bbakerr
I’ll have links to each author mentioned above, in this post.
Side note: I’ve struggled since the inception of this blog to format a user-friendly subscribe space, and thanks to a podcast from MIXTUS Media and ease-of-use by Mailchimp, I now have an easy-to-use subscribe space where you can join our tribe of happy readers! I’m so excited to finally get this right - did you see my Instagram Story about my blog news yesterday?
https://www.instagram.com/daria.mamont/Have a beautiful weekend blog fam!
Remember to subscribe for more relationship ideas that leave you happy and fulfilled.Today is a good day to succeed
May 12, 2022
Your Burning Questions Answered
Recently, I put a question to readers on my social media, asking what they wanted to know about relationships and/or personal growth. The two go hand-in-hand in my opinion.
If you'd like to contribute to this post for next week's blog, click here: Your Burning Questions Answered
Are you growing apart or tightening your connection?
https://unsplash.com/@joshhild
Every relationship has its ups and downs. It has to. For growth. You cannot grow in a stalemate standoff where conversation doesn't enter that 'difficult' realm.
If you enter into a relationship with a growth mindset it is inevitable that you will come up against resistance in your endeavour to understand yourself, and your partner, better. Because stepping out of situations that are comfortable, makes us feel insecure and if your partner is unsure of stepping onto new territory with you, you will feel restricted in your growth and expansion.
So, to overcome this situation and help both you and your partner make progress, either together or as individuals within a relationship; or potentially apart, I have a few thoughts for you to consider:
Can you have awkward conversations? Whether you are the one initiating them or the one being encouraged to participate. They're uncomfortable, they make you feel icky but that is where the real growth is. Because you enter an undiscovered dimension to yourself and/or your partner, you uncover an entire realm of understanding previously untapped. Have the awkward conversation! You'll be so glad you did.Realise that you simply cannot understand everything about someone else, otherwise you'd have to be them. For many years my mantra has been, "I don't want an apology, I want to be understood." Finally, I have been the one to understand that it is an impossibility to really know every facet of another human being. Be comfortable with not understanding or being understood, fully.Another mistake I overcame in my relationship was to expect my partner to be everything/everyone to me. Again, impossible. Humans are such varied creatures, we need different outlets for our myriad needs and interests. Release expectations of your partner being your whole world.Now to get to the part where you know whether to call it quits or not:
I'll get straight to the point:
Alternatively, click the link to find help near you: Global Mental Health Support
The shadows will always be there; you can either work through them and turn your life around to face the light, or turn your back on the shadows and walk away - but they will always follow you so my advice is to work through the shadows each time they appear.
Don't let the shadows darken your view.
https://unsplash.com/@rpnicksonReader Question #2Imperfect Date Nights
And how they give space to work on the relationship - Adapted from: Synergy Couples
I have personal experience to share in regards to working through bad date nights. Bear in mind these experiences were with my husband and he and I have been married for decades, so there is already a firm foundation of trust in our relationship. If you are actually in the dating world as a single person, please ensure your safety at all times:
Safe Dating Tips - Credit: Law Enforcement and SafetyMeet in Public During the Day. Meet in a public place with good lighting. Tell a Friend. Let at least one friend, or more if possible, know where you are going and who you are meeting. Have Your Own Transportation. Stay Sober.
Back to mine and my husband's own Disaster Date Nights:
I have had a love/hate relationship with my career on and off for many years (now retired). On this particular date we were at a very quiet restaurant for dinner with a subdued atmosphere. The space was an intimate stand of tables and chairs with other patrons close by.
Our discussion led to my then-current work situation. I was between jobs and filling the gap with part-time work, which, of course, I hated. I wanted to leave that job but didn't have a replacement elsewhere - our conversation became heated, albeit in hissing whispers!
Needless to say our date night was ruined and we couldn't continue our discussion in a satisfactory manner. As our heading in this segment suggests, not all dates are going to be a romantic interlude but they give us space to work on the relationship.
Of course, we continued our discussion once home and worked through the various issues we both had about my work situation and we both gained a deeper acknowledgement of what the other was going through. So, although our evening felt ruined in the moment, it definitely turned into a memorable moment of growth for both of us.Disaster Date #2
This one was a daytime date at a craft market. If you've read my dating diaries eBook, you'll know this scene well. (Available here)
I had dragged cajoled James to this craft market with the promise of a seaside stroll and coffee. While browsing, I spotted an anchor door stopper that I fancied. In his ever so practical way, James offered to fit a spoke-style doorstop instead. How to react? Ungrateful/grateful? I would have preferred the anchor but didn't want to refuse his offer of an alternative. We strolled silently around the market, coffees in hand. Not enjoying the ambience.
Eventually, we came to a decision and went back for the anchor doorstop. Lo and behold, the stall manager's payment gadget wasn't working for credit cards and we didn't have cash on us. In the end, we both learnt to compromise.
So once again, our disaster date proved to be a space to work on our relationship.
∞∞∞
Those were just two relatively lighthearted events that I could share with you to demonstrate the opportunity for growth in seemingly imperfect situations. I realise that there are far greater dating disasters out there and that some situations simply cannot be worked through. This is where I suggest you seek professional help to work through any struggles you might have.
https://unsplash.com/@bullterriere
Remember to add your questions in the comments. Whether they are relationship related or personal growth questions, I will do my best to provide helpful answers.
May 5, 2022
Birthday Celebrations
It's been a monumental week in the life of EN ROUTE.
She passed her 3-month mark as a self-published memoir, which, incidentally, means that Amazon no longer feels the need to prop her up for visibility. So, in real terms, she's passed to the next level of independence as a self-published book! Hooray for EN ROUTE 🎉🥳
As is fitting for any birthday party, we celebrated in style. She had a blast! No really, a real BOOK BLAST! Duffy the Writer published a beautiful Book Blast for EN ROUTE.
Or the short version here: Shortened Book Blast
Mother's Day Giveaway
Another huge celebration for EN ROUTE was a giveaway for Mother's Day and I couldn't have asked for a more deserving winner! This mum literally took time out of her busy #mumlife while her daughters were sleeping, to read EN ROUTE. That's a true Mother's Day celebration in my opinion. (Image is on my Instagram if you're curious (Celebrating Mother's Day in Style)
paige-cody-bOVZ_f3fbQM-unsplashEN ROUTE also received the gift of a truly perfect review. This reader fully appreciated the message of personal growth and relationship development, illustrating the underlying purpose and essence of EN ROUTE.
Elora’s book review of ‘En Route’ by Barbara Randell
Elora takes us on a world tour, through America, Europe, England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland, South Africa, and even parts of Australia. We visit some tourist sites, but do not see them through the glitz and glamour of the tourist brochures.
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Most of the time, we visit places that tourists never see, the homes of people just like us, but whom we have never met. Elora’s husband is her constant companion through her travels, and we learn about their mutual likes and dislikes.
Learning to accept and love each other more strongly,
despite those differences, is one of the outcomes of their travels.
Frequently they are joined by other family members, and close friends. Elora watches their interaction with each other, and draws lessons from them, which should benefit us all. She returns home, a wiser stronger woman.
During my 53 years of marriage, we too had to learn many things to keep our relationship strong. We never did a ‘gap year’ (though our daughter did), but learnt as we shared our daily lives, the problems that rose so frequently, and the solutions we found for them. Well done, Elora, for sharing your journey with us.
You can find more of Barbara's own work here:
Instagram: Barbara Randell
https://unsplash.com/@brookecagle
An amazing finale in the week of celebrations for EN ROUTE was an interview with Couples Relationship Expert, Cheri Timko. As you would have read in last week's blog post (read it here), Cheri helps individuals strengthen their connection with their current partner. Our chat was SO informative and I'm positive you will gain much clarity around the confusion of how to make your relationship extraordinary! Click the link below to listen:
Relationship Habits Chat with Cheri Timko - Follow the links in the caption for more of Cheri's amazing work.
Here’s the link for you: EN ROUTE eBook
I have free resources for you as well for date ideas that’ll spark more fun in your relationships. You can access them here:
Date Ideas Giveaway PLUS Date Night In Playlist
Which article gave you the most value from today’s blog post?
Remember to subscribe for more relationship ideas that leave you happy and fulfilled.
April 28, 2022
3 Good Relationship Habits
I am so excited to introduce our guest blogger to you today!
Cheri Timko is a Couples Relationship Expert who helps individuals strengthen their relationship with their current partner.
Quoted from Cheri’s blog:Cheri Timko: A relationship habit is something built into our lives that we do automatically. That doesn't mean thoughtlessly. We still have to show up for that event.
The benefit of making these things habits is that we don't have to work so hard to come up with new ideas in order to connect with our partner - the opportunities to connect are already built into the relationship. You still need to show up with intention and emotion, but the opportunity is already there.
Read the full article on her blog at the link below:
3 Relationship Habits for Greater Happiness
Instagram Live with Cheri Timko
Join us live on Instagram for more in-depth discussions on bringing the best out in your relationships!
Wednesday 4 May at 17.30 EDT which is
Thursday 5 May at 7.30a.m AEST
BONUS: There’s a giveaway of my memoir, EN ROUTE, on Instagram (sorry, Australian residents only)
Remember to subscribe for more relationship ideas that leave you happy and fulfilled.April 21, 2022
How do Relationships Influence our Wellbeing?
As a recovering Meltdown Survivor, this is what I’ve learnt.
No-one can love another, male or female, until you love yourself entirely. Not with the vanity of feeling that you're better than anyone else and not by exerting power over another. Self-love involves being gentle with yourself in all interactions, even when you are gently letting go of a person who no longer embraces your desire to live calmly.
No human being has the capacity to love other beings wholly until self-love is mastered.
You cannot express yourself fully to empathise with others if you aren’t aware of your own understandings of your inner workings.
Love yourself well. Not in the adjective sense, but in the verb sense. In other words, love yourself into health – physically and emotionally. Never to the detriment of another, never selfishly; but with consideration for your surroundings and those within it.
Let’s start with the very first minutes of your day:
*you may have an alarm bleating at you
*you may have youngsters, pets or an amorous partner already crowding your space
*perhaps you have woken hours before you needed to and are forced to relinquish any hopes of falling back to sleep
All of these situations are salvageable.
Every single one of them.
Even those unique to you which I have not mentioned. But take a moment. Just 30 seconds, to show yourself some love, before anyone else: don’t worry, this is not a deep breathing, meditation program, although there is a place for that if you’re into it. Instead, this is a step-by-step practical guide to 30 seconds of conscious acknowledgement of you, yourself.
♥ don’t pick up any electronic devices
♥ DON’T
♥ if you have already, put them down, right now, in this very moment
♥ on your bedside table or floor, not on your lap or stomach or chest
https://unsplash.com/@milanchLet’s begin:
♥ rub your thumbnails with your index finger. Notice any ridges on your nails; the length of your nails; feel the cuticle where nail meets nail bed. What shape does it form? Are they rough, smooth, sticking up at the edges? Feel the pleasant tickling sensation on your nails and the skin of your index fingers. How soothing does that feel?
There! You’ve just given yourself 30 seconds of total mindful love. Staying in the moment, focusing ALL your attention on yourself.
If you have a small horde clambering over you, you can still show yourself some tender loving:
♥ massage the roof of your mouth with your tongue. Never mind the morning breath you might be reeling from, this will actually help the health of your mouth and your mind. Run the tip of your tongue along the centre of your palate, feeling the line dividing the two halves; left and right. Trace the edges of your teeth with your tongue as they surround your mouth. Back to your palate; notice the contrast between soft skin and hard enamel of your teeth.
Congratulations! Once again you’ve afforded yourself a quick 30 second respite before the busy day carries you away.
If for whatever reason your day has already carried you away, fear not, there are many inconspicuous areas of your body where you can self-settle (and by inconspicuous, I don’t mean you can get frisky, alright!). Your wrists are another comforting spot to massage, as is the space behind your ears. I find a gentle massage up behind my ears particularly calming. I mention inconspicuous because if you really truly can’t spare 30 seconds before you set foot out of bed, then on the loo, in the shower, on your commute or at your workplace, are highly beneficial as well.
♥ lean your elbows on your desk, table or just rest your jaw line in your hands as you caress the soothing space behind your ears, no-one will notice, but you will benefit enormously. Taking just 30 seconds to reset your thoughts and bring your attention to your own comfort, will set you on the path to a more vibrant outlook for the moment you are encountering
♥ likewise, with your wrists; rub them softly no matter what public space you are in, this is perfectly socially acceptable behaviour. The feel of smooth skin under your fingertips works wonders in reminding you of the life force within you to cope with any situation.
∞
https://unsplash.com/@kevin_turciosOnce your day has begun, your self-love doesn’t stop:
If you’re a coffee in the morning kind of person, as am I, by all means go ahead and have your cuppa. Now I am no nutritionist so if you’re banned or simply don’t drink coffee, please don’t start now.
Mmm. Finished? Good.
♥ Now chase it down with a tall glass of water
Remember how I said ‘love yourself well’? Water is your well of health.
If you’re a fitness kind of person, hats off to you and off you go to do your thing. If you’re not, don’t worry I am not here to convert you. Although my claim to fame is one 90km grueling ultra marathon, I am actually not a fitness fanatic. I do, however, like to keep limber.
Don’t Care?
Excellent!
♥ give your shoulders 5 shrugs of disdain
Still don’t care?
Fantastic!
♥ wiggle your hands and wrists in childlike retribution
Starting to smile?
Brilliant!
♥ keeping both feet firmly on the ground, lift the heel of one foot at a time, alternating 5 times each
As before, I am not a personal trainer so this is by no means a fitness program. All you’re aiming to do here is give your circulation a little whirl to get the blood flow going, whilst taking your mind off the gargantuan tasks of the day ahead of you. Every 30 seconds of self-love you dedicate to yourself is another 30 seconds towards a brighter minute, hour, day, year, life!
∞
Your morning routine should be well underway by now, so at this point you need to be reminding yourself to focus. To be aware of your output. Is it meaningful? Is it self-deprecating? Or worse, narcissistic?
Let’s take stock:♥ what did you achieve in your first hour of work or your day? Yes home bodies, I’m talking to you too.
Congratulate yourself on even the smallest achievement, if you can’t think of anything bigger.
Sent an email? ✅
Answered a call? ✅
Completed your presentation/load of washing/cup of coffee? ✅
If those tasks are still waiting for completion, all is not lost. You simply require 30 seconds of deep self-love in whichever way you choose.
https://unsplash.com/@brookecagleLet’s have a second look:
♥ what obstacles have you overcome by mid-morning?
Cranky boss/customer/child? Kudo’s to you!
Deadlines/deliveries/rush hour? You made it!
And if you didn’t, the Earth did not collapse into itself, did it now? The hour is now, you can still overcome these obstacles. Just take 30 seconds to placate yourself with a handy massage and regroup.
∞
By now you could be reaching for morning tea or lunch. Does that include a cigarette? STOP. Are you taking steps towards loving yourself well?
♥ reach for a soothing glass of water instead of that rasping death-stick
♥ eat a healthy meal – include something green – no, not skittles or choc-mint slab!
♥ chase it down with a life-giving glass of water. If you already drink 2L of water daily – you are a Superstar.
For now, back to the busy-ness of your day. Sometimes giving back can be a form of self-love too. When we make someone feel good about themselves, it feels like a pat on the back for us too.
♥ who have you mentored by early afternoon? Maybe yourself, your children or someone vulnerable needing guidance?
♥ have you assisted anyone, or yourself, to accomplish a difficult talk? If it’s yourself you’re trying to assist – never be afraid of asking for help. Ever! You hear me? We learn by asking questions, so go on, show yourself some kindness and ask that big ass scary question.
∞
Your afternoon might be winding down or perhaps you’ve got back to back meetings. Maybe you’re hustling a sales pitch. Whatever it is that you’re in the midst of...
WAIT
https://unsplash.com/@jonecohenHave you checked in with yourself? If you’re in a public space, simply take a few uplifting breaths – don’t worry, not a meditative moment – bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Listen to the noises around you. Birds? Cars? Air-conditioner? Chatter? Tinnitus? Yup that’s what I hear when the silence engulfs my senses. Sensory overload can trigger a small dose of anxiety. Let’s use our senses to engage our clarity and drown out the anxiety.
♥ if you’re feeling frazzled, flick your fingers on one hand, or both hands if you can. Place your thumb over each fingernail one by one, flick away from your thumb one finger at a time. Spring each finger away from your thumb. Notice your skin. Is it dry? Sweaty? Are your fingertips freezing?
♥ repeat as many times as needed until you feel restful. Count each time you flick a finger forwards:
1, 2, 3, 4
Relax.
Calm.
Begin anew.
∞
What active movements have you had in the past short while? I’m not talking bowel movements here, tmi. If not, can you stand up where you are? If not, seated is fine too.
♥ hands on hips gently sway your shoulders back and forth. Feel the movement of your hips under your hands. Notice the gentle rise and fall of each hip as you sway. Bring your attention to your body.
♥ keeping both feet planted on the ground, lift your toes alternating each foot, in sync with your shoulder swaying.
If that’s too much, just do each movement separately.
Another self-love offering under your belt.
♥ smile – smiling has been proven to improve one’s positive outlook.
If you have nothing to smile about, if your day is simply too stressful to manufacture a laugh, or perhaps you’re going through a trying time, try to recall a pleasant memory. A picnic, movie, song. Even a moment of laughing at yourself doing something silly will improve your positivity – if your colleagues or fellow passengers see you smiling, that’s good too because it’s very contagious. Even momentary lightness can create a shift in your mood or frame of mind. If you have the opportunity to cheer someone else up with a Dad or Nan joke, you’re doubling the reward for yourself and for them. Shared laughter is a sure-fire elixir to self-care.
So go on, conjure up a smile – it’s good for you and it's calorie free!
https://unsplash.com/@eyeforebonyAs your day starts to wind down, let’s reflect on strategies you can implement to ease into the rest of the week more pleasurably.
♥ do you have a system to help you with your routine? Work in/work out station? Port allocations for mail, loose change, keys? Chores or delegated tasks others can share to create smoother transitions for all involved?
♥ plan for the following day before you wrap-up this day. Giving yourself clarity is a self-care tactic that takes away uncertainty. Lock in meetings or appointments to create fluid momentum and greater success.
♥ once you’re back home or settled in for the evening, remember to plate up a nutritious meal. Nutrients not only feed our physical body, but our mind as well. Healthy food equals healthy attitude.
♥ chase it down with a tall glass of purifying water
♥ as you prepare for sleep, switch off electronic devices, read a book – a real one whose pages you can actually feel in your hands, magazine or try journaling if you’re so inclined.
♥ if your sleeping partner will indulge you – no no don’t get excited – move your feet from side to side simultaneously like windscreen wipers, then toes together then heels together. Feel the sheets under you heels. Are they cold? Soft? Noisy? What does the material on your toes feel like? Smooth? Silky?
That’s another 30 seconds of mindful indulgence under wraps.
♥ curl up or stretch out into your favourite sleeping position. Feel your head heavy on your pillow.
♥It is well with your soul♥
Did you try any of these strategies? Which ones worked best for you?
How do you practice self-care?
Let’s connect on the socials:
April 13, 2022
Self-Empowerment
https://unsplash.com/@adityaries
By self-empowerment, I mean that feeling that you know without doubt you can succeed in anything that comes your way.
That confidence, knowing you can hold your head high and say ‘Oh yeah, I’ve got this.”
What strategies do you use to lift yourself out of a slump? Because, let’s face it, life is hard and we all feel deflated at times.
I found THIS ARTICLE to be super helpful. 7 Tips for Achieving Self-Empowerment
https://unsplash.com/@kalvisualsWould you be willing to share your methods of self-empowerment below?
(Anonymously or by name are both fine).
Self-Empowerment (Google Forms) See below if you'd prefer not to use Google Forms.
ICYMI 7 Tips for Achieving Self-Empowerment
Here's to a very Hoppy Happy Easter, may you and yours celebrate, enjoy and stay safe 🐰
😀 Feel free to let me know your self-empowerment strategies in the comments if you prefer, rather than the Google Forms above.
🐰 And yes, in case you're wondering, your blog post did arrive a day early in your inbox because I'm taking Good Friday off. Happy Hoppy Easter.
Remember to subscribe for more relationship ideas that leave you happy and fulfilled.
April 7, 2022
Your Body is Your Home
Whilst I can’t answer on your behalf, here’s what I know from someone who has lived in 2 countries, semi-permanently lived in a third and travelled for a year without a place to call home yet feeling ‘at home’ in each accommodation.
Self-awareness in your space:You are with yourself constantly. How do you perceive yourself? Does that align with how the world sees you? How you wish the world to see you?
I’ve noticed that the things that bring me peace are the very things that define me. They denote that eternal question of ‘Who am I?’ Not in a career or relationship perspective, just me, in my own space and not what the world sees from the outside.
So what are these things that bring me peace, and how do they relate to who I am and how I portray myself to the world?
Sight: Both introspective and visual
It’s taken a long time for me to ‘see’ myself in a positive light. I finally understand that my negative self-talk is harmful.
Externally I have learnt to focus on my positives instead of dwell on the negatives. Because we’re human, I’m not going to try and pretend the negatives don’t exist because it’s my belief that we all struggle with that from time to time and in some way or another - not necessarily in the same way as each other and not only in body image, but personality, accomplishments and the like.
What positives can you highlight about yourself?
Smell:
When I’m feeling stressed, nothing lifts me more than the aroma of my diffuser infusing my space with essential oil of my choice for that particular day.
I used to think that such things were taboo! Can you imagine? Depriving myself of such peace because I didn’t want to be considered esoteric! I’ve come a long way.
Definition of esoteric according to Merriam-Webster definition: of special, rare, or unusual interest
This is me. This is who I am. Why shouldn’t I portray myself to the world as such?
Do you have a special scent that elicits a sense of peace within?
Touch:
Warm bath water. Enough said. No bubbles, no bath salts, no extras. Just luxuriating in a warm bath brings me SO MUCH PEACE. It’s taken a very long time, but my family finally understands that this is my bliss and they are not to disturb me.
What brings you a sense of luxury in contact with your skin?
Taste:
You’ve probably realized by now that I’m going through each of our five senses. Quite simply that is what defines each one of us - every thought, and subsequent action, starts with our senses.
It’s difficult to determine a sense of peace from ‘taste’ and my first instinct was to say coffee because it’s a big love in my life. But I was intrigued by my dinner selection just last night.
I’ve not been well this week with C19 and it just so happens that I’ve spent the week alone as my husband is in iso in a hotel room in a different state from me so I’ve been feeling a little fragile.
Anyway, back to taste. As it turns out I couldn’t stomach a single sip of coffee yesterday! And come dinner time, all I felt like eating was a gem squash - a vegetable only grown in my home country. So that’s what I had and it brought me so much comfort, which, in my opinion, is pretty close to peace.
Do you have a favourite comfort food or non-alcoholic beverage? I hasten to add non-alcoholic because the sensation it brings is not akin to peace.
Sound:
Be it music, nature sounds, silence or guided meditation, what sounds bring you peace? For me, and I’m sure for most, it’s a combination of all of the above.
Depending on the circumstance; except for me it’s never silence, because, well, tinnitus…yeah not fun so I invariably have background music playing or nature sounds. Of course nothing beats the natural sound of birds chirping or leaves rustling in the wind and especially heavy rain falling on the rooftop.
I do love a guided meditation to bring me to a peaceful place as well, and again, it felt taboo for a very long time because of its spiritual connotations! Honestly, I can’t believe how many of us deprive ourselves because we think it is taboo to feel at peace our way.
Which sound best fills your soul with peaceful ambience?
So my question remains, ‘Does the way you portray yourself to the world truly align with who you really are?’
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
March 31, 2022
Friday Favourites
Happy by Turia Pitt
My favourite book has recently changed, as in this week kind of recently. Reason being, it created the tiniest of pivot’s in my thinking that has turned my outlook upside down and right way up with such an improved view on life!
Available here (I am in no way affiliated)
I used to always name, ‘Expecting Adam’ as my favourite book because it too, turned my viewpoint right around, so it kind of scaffolded me to my current favourite. ‘Expecting Adam’ had been my fave for decades and I’ve read a lot more of Martha Beck’s books which I also loved.
Available here (Not affiliated)
Pay it Forward movie
The takeaway message for me has always been that “people are too scared to try.” This has catapulted me forwards on so many occasions! But beware, if you do watch it, it is a tearjerker.
Separate Bathrooms Podcast
I only discovered this podcast late last year. It covers all aspects of relationships in a real and relatable way. Intimate, emotional, funny and realistic, it has something for everyone.
Listen to it here
Mantra
This is also a recent discovery. In a conversation with my sister, she posed the question, “What would love do?” So after our conversation I thought about it and felt it to be a bit vague, so I dug deeper. ‘What would love say?’ came to mind as something more tangible that I could put into effect. Next time you feel annoyed with your partner, consider this mantra before letting lose on a flurry of colourful words.
Now your turn:
📗 It could be a book or genre. 🎥 Movie or series.🎙 Podcast,YouTube or Clubhouse room or even a song.🗣 Mantra, quote, question or affirmation.
It’s important to have positive things that we use each of our senses for to elicit different responses in various situations. That way we always have something positive to fallback on, no matter the situation.
Remember to comment your selections below, you might inspire someone else with your choices or even BE inspired by someone else’s choices. And remember to subscribe for more motivational posts like this.
For more resources, some of which are free, click this link: Resources for you
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March 24, 2022
The Nature of Relationships
Let's Dig In
https://unsplash.com/@eliomendesMy cat is a very typical one and does things that are typically, well, cat-like. Her most annoying cat-like characteristic is to wake up at 4am, most days, on other days it's more like 2am!
This particular morning I considered myself lucky, I got an extra 20 minutes of sleep in, as the meowy alarm only went off at 4.20am! Success, kind of.
Wednesday's are walking group days for me, but on the Wednesday in question, I was without a car at home for various reasons of family travel or work or whatever. Since I'd had hours of pre-dawn reading time (which is my very favourite thing to do, so kitty is all forgiven anyway), I got particularly comfortable in bed with my book, my steaming mug of coffee and no-one in the house to disturb me. Bliss! Even kitty had gone back to sleep since her tummy was now full.
By 6.30am I remembered my resolve to go to my walking group regardless of not having a car. It's only 2.5km away to the meeting point and it is a walking group after all, you know? Reluctantly I closed my book, savoured my last sip of coffee and dragged on my walking clothes. Walking is good for you. Or so I kept telling myself.
Fast forward to the very LAST 5 minutes of my walk with the group, and I had paired up with an older lady just before I branched off to walk the 2.5km back home. People!
This was the reason for my walk today.
It happened to be her Birthday that day (no I didn't ask her age because that's just rude, right?), so I asked her what her plans for the day were, to celebrate. She told me about her favourite Black Forest Cake from the best bakery in town, and the meal of prawns her husband was going to cook for her with a candlit dinner on their best china - her words.
Stay with me here, it gets so much better that this.
This dear lady, well near 80 years of age, continued to tell me that EVERY. SINGLE. SATURDAY of their lives, she cooks a special dinner for the two of them and serves it on their best china with candles lit on the table. PEOPLE!!!
This literally stopped me in my tracks. I placed my hand on my heart and exclaimed that that was the most romantic thing I had ever heard. She went on to add that it is important for their relationship to make something special out of ordinary occasions.
Goosebumps.
I want to make it very clear here that she has no idea that I am an author of all things relationships. I don't feel the need to bring that into my walking group because it's a separate interest - at least I thought it was until now, BUT I STILL DIDN'T TELL HER - this was her moment, not mine.
So yes! Walking is good for you, in so very many ways. Not only for our health but for our social connection as well. It would have been so easy for me to stay snuggled up in bed with my book and a third, I mean, second mug of coffee, but WOW am I glad I listened to my intuition. I would have missed that absolute gem of information from a couple who know how to make a relationship. Period.
Dear readers, please go and get the special dinner service and candles out of the cupboard and put them on the table. Even if you're having pizza/macaroni and cheese/salad/sausages - I don't care what it is, just serve it on your best china. Please.
That is all.
https://unsplash.com/@montatipBONUS pics of kitty in question: Maisie Moonlight
Now for the million dollar question: Since you’ve read this far down, you get to weigh in…
😸 Cat person?🐶 Dog person?😸🐶 Or both?
Let me know in the comments and post a pic of your pet and your special dinner - hopefully not in the same pic LOL!
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
March 17, 2022
How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship
https://unsplash.com/@jeremybanksYou wake up in the same bed every morning (or the spare bed if the snoring is unbearable, am I right?), eat the same cereal for breakfast every morning and drag yourself to work either home-office or workplace and wonder to yourself, "Is this It?"
No, I can attest that 'this is not it'.
This is how I know:
If we want things to change, we have to BE the changeNow this doesn't mean that all the relationship work is up to you, it simply means that if you are the one who wants things to be different, you have to be the one to do things differently.
- Shake routines up a little, maybe cook a tasty breakfast to have together on a weekday
- Bring your partner a fruit and dip snack for morning tea if you both work from home
- Pack them a home baked (or store bought) muffin to take to work if they're in the office
Notice the surprise in their eyes when you appear in front of them with something different to enjoy.
Notice the pleasure in the small smile when they thank you for the spoils.
Notice the warm fuzzy feeling you get, knowing you've made your partner a little happier.
https://unsplash.com/@sjcbrn
- Scent from a diffuser, candle, baking or simple air freshener is known to activate memories, just make sure they're happy ones.
- Sensory input such as warm or glowing lighting, softens the harshness of bright aggravating lights: candles, lamps, salt lamps are all gentle lighting options.
https://unsplash.com/@manuelmeurisseFreshen your outlook to freshen your partner's outlook.When we see the world with new eyes we see each other with new eyes too. - Change the linen - towels, tablecloths, bedding, even the kitchen towels if you want to start small.
- Open the windows, blinds, curtains to let some fresh air and natural light in.
- Buy some fresh flowers or pick some fresh herbs for a jug on the kitchen windowsill.
There are a myriad different small touches we can do that make a BIG difference in our daily lives.It takes effort yes, but the results of a happier and healthier relationship are so worthwhile.
Share your ideas with me in the comments and let me know what changes you have made in your daily life, or which of the above ideas you might try.
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What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
