Elora Canne's Blog, page 14
April 15, 2021
INTUITION
Follow your nose, it knows what to do
Rocks of Knowledge Given the fire ravaged state our small town was in at the time, our intended 5km bike ride to the beach had to be re-planned. The poor air quality and visibility would have compromised our health and safety and besides, other people had suffered far greater loss than our intended bike ride.
We hopped into our car instead and decided to ‘see where we would end up.’ Following the roads to cleaner air we found ourselves in Tuncurry and literally followed our noses to be led hand-in-hand to the Rocks of Knowledge. Firstly following our noses was both literal and figurative as we sought out clearer air to breath and quite frankly found ourselves at the Rocks of Knowledge.
If we had ridden our bikes, we certainly would have had a wonderful time, but on this occasion instead, we got to hold hands and amble into a profound wisdom to trust our instincts – this was a broader aspect of knowledge we hadn’t expected to acquire, yet we followed our own guidance right into its knowing.
To trust our instincts meant a quiet stroll, intimately connected with our interwoven fingers; this could never have occurred on our bike ride – one simply can’t hold hands while cycling.
Rocks of Knowledge certainly gave us reason for introspection. Large boulders as they were, they appeared intimidating but to walk up to them and feel their rough exterior puts us physically in touch with their alive vulnerability. Their atoms are continually being pummeled by wind, sun, spray of the ocean and are being changed constantly into something finer, smoother yet equally powerful. Sand. Rocks take eons to evolve into sand but evolve they do.
We too, can stand tall and proud while being pummeled by life and yet our rough exterior can quite easily become softer, smoother and our new lease on life can evolve into something more refined like the grains of sand that cling to our toes as we traipse our way through life together, hands fitting tightly, intertwined forever.
How though can we stand tall and proud while being pummeled? We are so often enlightened as to ‘what’ to do but not the ‘how’ of it. Well I think this little sojourn may have given me the answer, given that it was at the Rocks of Knowledge after all, it is appropriate that some wisdom be imparted onto me to broaden my awareness of enlightenment.
How then?
· Expand your understanding – a rock does not experience the thrashing of wind, sun and sea on its surface as either negative or positive, it just is. Now we are not rocks you might reason, but we too, can withstand life’s ups and downs if we can learn to accept what is without reacting impulsively. Not easy I know, but that is one ‘how’ that we can practice: just observe, learn patience if nothing else and continue being your ‘rock’ solid self.
· Find value in the evolution of your personality – a rock turns to sand slowly but surely and there is value in the sand becoming a beach, a home for crabs and other sea critters, a place to build castles, a material to create glass and its infinite possibilities. Quite right, our bodies can turn into none of those things but we can turn into compassionate, caring, empathetic, sympathetic souls as we witness the struggles of those doing the bullying.
· Stand firm – boulders do not readily budge. Yes there are devastating rock slides but for the purposes of this illustration I am referring to the solid Rocks of Knowledge. They allow the waves to crash down on them because they have to, to become something different. They withstand the blazing heat of the sun because they need it to disintegrate into particles and they tolerate the fierce wind because it blows their new particles onto new land.
There we have three ways in which to trust our intuition and know that most experiences are for our greater good.
If you have experienced the wisdom of nature, I'd love to hear about it in the comments.
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
April 8, 2021
What value can you bring to a relationship?
Image credit Tyler Nix via Unsplash
The 3 Dating Tendencies
Quite honestly, I think all relationships have a combination of Logan's 3 dating tendencies. The trick is to juggle each of them in equal measure.
The Romanticizer: The reality is that there are no perfect relationships. Period. We have to accept that there are ups and downs in every single relationship on earth. Once we can accept that fact, it is easier to move towards improving the quality of our interactions without striving for perfection.
The Maximizer: Whether it's you or your partner who has unrealistic expectations of the other, it's important to state your boundaries. That is the secret sauce to maintaining integrity in your relationships. Respectful boundaries deserve respect.
The Hesitater: If your self-doubt is based on either of the above tendencies, you need to look at your 'why'. Once you appreciate your personality for its strengths you will have a deeper understanding of what it is you can offer a partner. Then you will be in a healthier position to trust your contribution to your relationships.
(Check it out, I'm No. 50 on the list of Feedspot's Top 100 Relationship blogs - not affiliated)
https://blog.feedspot.com/relationship_blogs/
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
April 1, 2021
The nature of love
Quoted from Gretchen Rubin: My husband has to put up with me putting dirty dishes in the sink, not the dishwasher, and I have to put up with him buying more without seeing what we already have. Ask me how much soy sauce we have! And my daughter puts empty containers back in the fridge or cupboard. But love conquers all. What are your kitchen squabbles?
Below is a fabulous article from Grace Dent at The Guardian that epitomizes the nature of love and our commitment to those we love.
https://www.betterapp.us/posts/12671688
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
March 26, 2021
En Route: The best is yet to be
Something wonderful is happening so I wanted to share the excitement with you.
In 7 months I will be a published author! I have written my memoir which is an expansion of ‘Creating Sparks that Last,’ which you might already have read. If you haven’t, it’s available at the link in the top post; it will give you the backstory to my memoir. If you’re unable to access the link I’ll gladly email the ebook/pdf document to you.
Anyway, back to my memoir, ‘En Route: The best is yet to be.’ In the unraveling of my inherent people-pleasing practices I uncover a hidden dragon within. This self-empowerment helps me give voice to my opinions; to speak up in trying times and to face adversity head on. From all this self-discovery I learn new ways of engaging in all my relationship dynamics. From siblings, to offspring, in-laws, parents and partner, I find my identity and mightily so!
If you’d like the same empowerment for your life, register your interest in being the first to receive ‘En Route.’ Leave a comment or email me via our contact form at the menu. Thanks for your support, you’re the best! What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
March 18, 2021
Mental Wellbeing
Treating our mental health well like we should our physical health is a necessity. To this end, James and I indulged ourselves with a Gold Class movie night out. We went the whole hog as they say – pre-ordering snacks to be delivered to us periodically through the movie. Lounging back in our recliner chairs sipping on tannin rich merlot, the aroma swirling around my nostrils, I was basking in the sheer opulence.
These are important moments to take for ourselves, and each other. The movie we chose was Joker. In light of a recent emotional meltdown I had had regarding my career, this was a particularly sensitive story for us to follow. It was a dark storyline with uncomfortable truths to follow, but oh so necessary for us as individuals and for the greater community as a universal whole. Doing something out of the ordinary, watching a movie out of the ordinary nudges us towards growth. Understanding of others. Tolerance towards others. Compassion towards our own state or sense of being.
Thought-provoking, socially inept, mental health complexities brought to the fore, Joker was disturbingly, brutally worthwhile to watch. Incidentally Joaquin Phoenix won the Oscar that year for his role as the main actor, creating worldwide awareness of this prickly condition. Airing it to be a topic to be discussed openly.
It is time to take mental wellness seriously. James and I drew closer as a couple due to being able to speak more openly about our fragilities and vulnerabilities as a direct result of watching Joker. It’s not that we were never close enough to have those awkward conversations, it was just that we had never seen the necessity before. Now we knew that it is most definitely not healthy to store our concerns in our heads. And it is most decidedly unnecessary too. There is no shame in being emotionally fragile and the more we talk about this, the better not only do we ourselves feel, but the better our community will be with happier more stable citizens in it. And herein lies the key – talking. No-one can hear you if you don’t say anything. People are fickle and can misinterpret warning signs or silence in and from others as being antisocial or ‘disturbed’. Most people tend to shy away from those situations purely because they don’t know how to handle them. So our responsibilities as a community are two-fold then – first let’s remove the stigma towards mental unrest and let’s educate the broader society in ways to encourage uncomfortable communication regarding mental stability, thereby creating healthy, happier human beings. We all have our insecurities and when they are acknowledged, we feel valued. Mental health/unrest/instability – call it what you will – comes in many shapes and sizes. Depression, breakdown, meltdown, disorders, lack of confidence, complexes and many others that I am undoubtedly unaware of, all need to be embraced, faced and dealt with sensitively and effectively. That does not mean giving someone a pill to ‘help them get better’, that is not how mental illness works. It needs to be healed from inside one’s head as well, because that is where it starts and that is where the problem lies.
Wow, somehow this date became a passion project on mental wellbeing. James and I are more aware of each others’ sensitivities because of our growing awareness of each others’ needs, strengths and failings. When you love someone, you love the whole gamut of them. Not one of us is perfect and even when we first meet the love of our life, we often overlook their idiosyncrasies but in a long-term marriage such as ours, those idiosyncrasies can no longer be overlooked because they become an insidious part of daily routine. They have to be loved – not liked – but if you continue to love the very faults you fell in love with, you will learn to tolerate them to a greater level of growth.
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.March 4, 2021
Finding Yourself
This is the end screen of a video that I tried valiantly to upload. It’s an introduction to my first date with my husband to give you a little backstory about how we met. If you’d like to listen, it will be uploaded on my Instagram and Facebook accounts. Both are named Elora Canne. FacebookInstagram
I was 18 when I got a call from this husky voiced man who I was immediately drawn to. Mutual friends had introduced us as I was too shy to ask anyone to my Year 12 Formal.
I thought this 22 year old man epitomized the height of maturity for calling me ahead of the Year 12 Formal for a pre-date instead. This was to ensure we’d hit it off and not ruin the Formal. How considerate! How mature!
On our pre-date there were 6 of us out for dinner and we had a merry time with a few glasses of wine (it’s legal at 18 in South Africa). My date offered me another glass of wine and in my prim and proper 18 year old voice I replied with, “No thank you, I’ve had far too many wines of glass already.” Well apparently that was him smitten and we’d both decided from that first date that this was a relationship we wanted to pursue.
Fast forward through married life, parenthood and full time work, we had to reinvent ourselves time and again. We had to evolve with our changing circumstances if we were to stay together happily.
Now as empty-nesters we view each other and ourselves with new eyes all over again. It was necessary to rediscover shared interests while maintaining our individuality and our separate interests. That’s where our Date Year experiment came in and I cannot recommend it HIGHLY enough.
We added so much value to our relationship through exploring our new role as middle-aged, happily married empty-nesters. I’d love to know if you’ve found ways of reconnecting with your partner too. Let me know in the comments so we can share and grow together.What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
February 18, 2021
Gratitude
Churchill Street Trail, Hobart Tasmania
This was one of those date events that I initially really didn’t want to go on. Now before you cast
me aside, hear me out. James wanted me to go away with him. Not being ungrateful here but there is
always a lot to organize if I were to join James on our trip away.
Okay I came to my senses and off we went to Hobart in Tasmania. Because we had time on our
hands we chose to dedicate one entire day to our Date Event. Saturday morning began atop Mt Nelson.
We felt like we had lost all hope of ever getting home. The mountain was crisp with the chill
winter air. The mist surrounding us felt isolating. Wild.
Churchill Street trail plumped up all of our senses and set them to vibrating with life.
We slipped and slid down shiny slimy rocks and thick chocolatey mud, we trundled over sodden
winter leaves trampled into the ground and trod with care over bridges decayed with age. Talk
about stepping out of our comfort zone, quite literally.
A trickle of water, alluding to being a waterfall, held our gaze with sparkles of spray catching the
sunlight through lanky trees.
Our hike had left us feeling invincible with so much aliveness coursing through our veins.
Out of the woods, as it were, and back on the street, we decided to walk to the waterfront. As we made
our turn down the street we jumped up and down like excited young children to find the right stop for
the right bus to our next date exploration. Could that be chance or could it be providence? This bus was
going directly to our required stop!
Having worked up a thirst and a hunger fit for a giant we wasted no time in getting to Cascade
Brewery. Here, the express purpose was to sample a paddle of beers and ciders respectively. I
had imagined a shot glass size sample and was pumped for the four or five flavor bursts. Instead,
my paddle of ciders contained four midi’s (285ml). As I’m not customarily a big drinker, this amount of
liquid was rather daunting for me. Needless to say, lunch was going to be a languid affair. I
eventually got through the crisp, sweet, tart and cloudy ciders with the help of a stroll around the
lavender gardens and formal stairs to the private garden room. I had never realized that apple
cider could come in so many taste sensations. Once more, there I was right out of my comfort
zone.
A stroll past the original Cascade Brewery with its stark façade of moulded architecture took us
to our homeward bound bus shelter and Salamanca Pier.
We wandered the shops and waterways whiling away the mild afternoon weather, watching
ducks and people go about their day either waddling or wading as appropriate.
Our evening ended with purple lights glimmering a path towards chocolate heaven. With hot
chocolate in one hand and churro’s dripping in the other, we ambled home deeply satisfied, this
time, right into our comfort zone.
I am so grateful we had this time together to forge new ways of being and doing and creating
expanded comfort zones in the process.
February 12, 2021
Embrace Uniqueness
Image credit to Unsplash by Raissa Lara LütolfArmed with a glass of velvety smooth Merlot and James with an ice cold beer we joined the hustle of talking, laughing guests standing around bar tables with our behinds perched on wire barstools. While it was fun to blend in with the loud and raucous customers around us, James and I longed for a space to sit comfortably where we could talk to each other instead of shouting at each other, albeit kindly.
“Should we find somewhere else to have dinner?” James yelled at me.
“Sure,” I screamed back into his ear.
So much fun.
Leaving the warmth of those cozy blankets behind, James and I headed for a restaurant with a water view on Darling Harbour. One of our favourites is Bungalow 8 and to our delight, they had revamped their eatery into private booth spaces.
Ours was particularly intimate with a sign that implored, “Please, no sledding.”
Let me emphasize that the courtyard in question was no more than a two metre square paved patio. No privacy for ‘sledding,’ if that’s what they called it these days. We did get to enjoy quiet conversation without having to screech at each other to properly exchange banter.
Our thoughts were our own and reflected our sanguine comfort in each others’ presence. Sighing contentedly, James and I relaxed into each other taking in the beauty around us, thankful that, after 30 years of marriage we were still able to sigh with so much contentment and enjoy the quiet company of each other. So although we had started our date wanting it be unique, we were truly happy with just comfortable us.
What is your idea of a romantic night out?
