Elora Canne's Blog, page 7

Staycation vs Vacation

Micro Tourism: Is there value to be found in it? https://unsplash.com/@kylejglenn

This will be my last blogpost for a while, and for very good reason. I am celebrating two huge milestone birthdays with loved ones over the next couple of months. Both my mom and father-in-law will be visiting us for 3 months from overseas. This is our first post-covid-lockdown gathering, so we are all tremendously excited.
Fear not, I am leaving you in capable hands as I have lined up some incredible articles for you from guest bloggers I am well acquainted with.
You will hear from Confidence Coach and Business Wing Woman, Rebecca Laidlaw who talks us through self-care and balancing the social media scroll.
Appropriately named as 'soulhappysuccess' you will find her wise advice at the link: soulhappysuccess
Look out for her article next Friday, 29 July 2022.

In May this year, I interviewed Couples' Relationship Coach, Cheri Timko on Instagram. You can find our chat here: Relationship Habits with Cheri TimkoCheri has two articles for us over the next few weeks as she discusses personal growth within a relationship, and her second article will discuss date night arguments and how to prevent them! 
In the meantime, Cheri has a wealth of information on how to make the best of your relationships, which you can find here: synergy.couples

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I will be sure to pop in from time to time and keep you updated on our celebrations and staycation happenings with our family.
Staycation vs VacationI have written extensively about my relationship with my mom in my memoir, En Route, covering about 6 weeks of travel together on our gap year travels. 
From the perspective of being the 'baby' in the family to re-learning my adult relationship in our mature years. It is full of the wisdom of growth and appreciation within a close knit family setting, to the far flung corners of the earth. 
Our relationship was forced to grow and strengthen across the globe as James and I made the decision to leave all that was familiar behind us, and forge a new life in the Great Southern Land, Australia. Against all odds, we have managed to maintain a strong bond and a loving relationship.
Whether your relationship in the parenthood arena is one of child to maturity or parenting your own children, you will find value in the discoveries I have made in my role as both child and parent through my observations, failings and successes.
I recommend sharing the value of my findings with your own adult children or parents in this lovingly crafted memoir of road trips and relationships: EN ROUTE The Best Is Yet To Be

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Micro-Tourism: Is there value to be found in it?
In light of Cheri Timko's upcoming article on date night arguments and how to prevent them, I present to you my flounderings and outbursts and ultimately, deep understanding of mine and James' date year experiment in our dating journal, Creating Sparks that Last. 
As you might have noticed it is of the same name as my blog which you are currently reading because it was that date year experiment that sparked my interest in sharing our midlife foray into the dating world.
We would never have learnt as much as we did about each other if we had not embarked on our monthly dates to reignite our relationship. I suggest you read it together with your partner as you will gain perspective of each other from both mine and James' findings. It is a short read, taking no longer than 90 minutes: Creating Sparks That Last eBook
As relationships are constantly evolving with changing circumstances and just…life, I am always interested in learning of other people's growth within a family or relationship setting and would love to hear any tips or advice you might have picked up along the way. Drop them in a comment below and remember to subscribe so you don't miss any of our upcoming transformative articles.

Bye for now!


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Karma is a Mirror

 The Humility of the Cover Art Overlooking the hills of Tuscany at sunset from the courtyard of San GimignanoPhotograph by yours truly, Elora Canne

To continue our exploration of seeing EN ROUTE through the eyes of the author, I'm going to give you sneak peek into the humility that surrounds the cover of my memoir.

• What scene resonated with you most on a personal level? (Why? How did it make you feel?)

Let me start by saying, ouch, the fact that this photograph ended up being the cover of my memoir is beyond ironic! I had read a memoir about the Montepulciano region in Italy and really wanted to visit the area, alas we couldn't get there and visited San Gimignano instead. So to begin with, we weren't even meant to be there and that ended up being my book cover.

Secondly!!! Secondly, my husband and I both took a sunset photo through the same arch at the same time and I wholeheartedly bragged that my photo was better. (It was, despite being off-centre!) Nevertheless, once we were home I had the photograph enlarged and framed and hung it on our wall. Not only as a brag, but because I truly loved it. It fell off the wall and smashed. And smashed. And smashed. Yip, you read that right. My picture fell and smashed three times! 

Karma is a mirror you see. I had bragged so brazenly about my photo that it had to become scratched and marked for me to understand that casting myself as a better photographer did not mean a thing in the larger picture of life. Humble pie anyone?

• If the book were made into a movie, who would play each of the lead characters?

I actually asked my family this question as they feature in my book, both the young and older versions of themselves. My younger self would be Emma Watson and the 40+ version of me would be Julia Roberts.

Some of their choices (which I'll leave anonymous for their privacy) are:

Kit Harington

Saul Berenson

Justin Timberlake

Leonardo di Caprio

Sienna Miller

Kate Hudson

Jim Carrey

Diane Keaton

Jack Nicholson

Reese Witherspoon

Drew Barrymore

Rachel McAdams

Mark Ruffalo

Sean Connery

Dame Judi Dench

Charlize Theron

Salma Hayek

And this is why!

I just adore her #celebritycrush

• What were the power dynamics between the author and her companions, and how did that affect their interactions?

The people-pleaser in me drove the majority of the story, but as my personal growth unfolds through my observations of my other companions and how they interacted with each other, so my personal power started to establish itself. Self-empowerment helped me find my voice. 

• How does the way the author see herself, differ from the way others see her?

Stubborn vs Determined

Shy vs Introverted

Acquiescent vs Tolerant

• Were there times you disagreed with an authors’ actions? What would you have done differently?

As the author I would hasten to add that my actions were not always honorable. I get impatient. What can I say? I'm human.

• What solutions does the author propose? Are the author's recommendations concrete, sensible, doable? 

The entire last chapter is a journey within, offering lifestyle and relationship solutions that worked for me. So yes, I'd say they are sensible, doable and concrete, but you'll have to read the book to know what they are.

• What have you learned after reading this book? Has it broadened your perspective about a difficult issue—personal or societal? 

The critical thinking style that both my sons adopted through their studies definitely broadened my perspective on societal issues. The actual Gap Year itself is what pivoted my view on my relationship with my husband and my friends and family who travelled with us.

• Do the issues affect your life? How so—directly, on a daily basis, or more generally? Now or sometime in the future?

My near-40-year marriage has thrived/is thriving as a result of the take aways from our trip. Learning and seeing new sides to each other that would otherwise never have been exposed in the daily humdrum of life helped us tremendously.
Now that you've read my responses, I am bursting at the seams to hear yours!
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If you missed part one of potential book club questions,  CLICK HERE to find them.
To find out more about my lifestyle changes, hacks and personal growth tips, click this link for my memoir: EN ROUTE The Best Is Yet To Be Available in ebook or paperback.
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Road Trips and Relationships

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
This photo really annoyed me! But I'll tell you more about that in a minute. It was taken as we ascended our way out of the depths of Bright Angel Trail in the Grand Canyon.
As you might know, my memoir, En Route, takes us on a trip around the world. Within those travels, comes the unraveling of our relationship and a stealthy dose of personal growth, inspiration and life lessons thrown in. But this is not a review. The purpose of today's blog post is to invite the reader behind the eyes of the author. To see the unraveling take place and to understand her motivation for writing her life on the pages of a book for all to read.
Below, are a few questions you might find helpful in feeling the emotions behind the decisions that the author has made.

• What is the significance of the title?

En Route suggests moving towards a destination, and the subtitle, The Best Is Yet To Be, indicates that better things are to come. It is a line from the poem by Robert Browning, and the line that stopped me in my tracks goes like this, Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be. It's about never giving up and about getting through the hard times, for better times ahead.

• How honest do you think the author was? 

I can vouch for the author's full disclosure and open honesty, because I am she.

• What aspects of the story could you most relate to?

This one I can't answer on the reader's behalf, so I would be intrigued to hear your opinion, either from the book itself, or from the following admissions by me, in these answers.

•Why do you think the author chose to write their memoir?

In the writing of En Route, I gave my all. On some days I had to go for long walks after writing certain passages just to calm my high emotions. For this reason I can truthfully say, I wrote my memoir so that others like me, people-pleasers, reserved personalities and conformists could find their voice and the courage to speak up, speak out and speak their truth.

• How did you feel about the ending? 

As the narrator of the unfolding events, the story became about as much as my personal growth as it did about building my relationships. Not only my marriage but family and friends who joined us on our trip as well. The ending indicates the arrival of 'finding self' amidst the clamor of life and all its demands.

The Planet D

• How has the author changed by the end of the book?

Immensely. Braver, bolder, confident in my self-worth.

• Have any of your personal views changed because of this book? If so, how?

As I've bared myself above you can clearly see how my personal views have changed. If you have read En Route it would fill me with gratitude to know how it has changed your personal views as well.

• What scene would you point out as the pivotal moment in the narrative? How did it make you feel?

The Planet D

I promised to tell you more about the Bright Angel Trail photo at the beginning of the article. This was my pivotal moment in our Gap Year of insight and marital understanding. We had literally ascended the trail after a strenuous and stressful hike. I had berated myself for not being more astute about our surroundings in case of an emergency and James had voiced his irritation with my constant questioning for reassurance; are you ok, how do you feel, watch your step etc - nothing annoying about that right?

As we reached the top of Bright Angel Trail we truly felt better aligned as a couple, and I as an individual with a healthier understanding of what it means to be a wife vs a carer. So I wanted photo's that depicted our feeling of being on top of the world. This was my result! I felt knee-deep in chafe instead of victoriously on top of the world. Another life lesson - I am not in control of every situation. As the penguin caption above indicates - the certain way to be wrong is to think you control it - marriage, life, outcomes. 

This is the end of Part 1 for potential book club questions. I'd really value your feedback regarding the suitability of question choices. The reason being is that I would like to propose a book club outline to my local library who has En Route catalogued in their collection.

Next week I'll conclude Part 2 of my question list and would be thrilled to add any suggestions of your own. Leave a comment to tell me what questions you would ask if you belonged to a book club. 

Secret admission: I've never belonged to a book club. Ok wait that's a lie. I lived in Michigan for 9 months and went to one book club session - ever. It's not that I didn't enjoy it, it was that I felt intimidated by the members' knowledge, detail, descriptions and opinions of the story we had read, Little Bee, plus I hadn't had time to finish before the meeting took place because I was still so new to the area and had only just discovered them a short while before their next meeting. 

WOW have I changed now! 

I have an opinion

and I am not afraid to use it.

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Book Clubs

I'm interested to know if authors set their own questions for their book to be discussed in book clubs, or are there formal guidelines that need to be followed?

Reset Your Intentions

Are Your Goals Getting Away From You?On 2 July 2022, we'll be exactly halfway through the year. You’ve achieved some of your goals but others might not have worked out as you expected. So let’s reset our intentions for the second half of the year.
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What direction do you want the rest of your year to go in?• Do you want to take your career up a notch?• Perhaps pivot your business ventures completely?• Maybe it’s your health and well-being you want to reset?• Or perhaps you want to enhance the quality of your relationships with the myriad people in your life?
It’s not too late:Take 10 minutes right now to see yourself succeeding in your workplace: home-life, corporate or small business.
I know that you love what you have envisioned for yourself and you want it so badly. And you CAN achieve it. Whatever it might be.
The solution:Start today!
As a writer, I’ve only recently built the habit of writing regularly. Sounds obvious right? I used to only write when inspiration flowed, now I engineer my success with even as few as 100 words per day. That is my goal as a writer; to write.
All it takes is one small mindset adjustment and you will engineer your day, work, life, relationships, for success too.
Come with me as we clear the fog and forge your way ahead https://unsplash.com/@7th_verse
Mid-Year RevivalAre you ready for your mid-year revival?
Your personal goals and strategies are unique to you, but there are universal steps you can take that will steer you closer to achieving them.
First things first:Find the fire in your belly that you had in January for the start of all things new.Can you feel the urgency you had to start afresh?
Secondly:Zone into that feeling and notice the tiny spark of thought that enters your head.Did you accomplish what you set out to do?• If yes, take it one step further, bigger, to dynamite level!• If no, what can you do to achieve it now? A walk? A phone call? Research, or even a course to amplify your skills?
And lastly:Congratulate yourself for making progress towards your goals, dreams and aspirations.
I am proud of you for taking these steps to reset your intentions to fill your joyometer right up!
Share your success in the comments so we can have a cyber celebration!
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🎶 Don’t stop me now, I’m having a good time yeah! 🎶
If you want to launch your life into the stratosphere of exceeding joy and achievement join me on the socials and let’s get it done!
Find me here: Facebook

And here: Instagram
And if you really want to know how I crafted my success through tears, tantrums and hair-pulling, so you don’t have to, check it out here: EN ROUTE: The Best Is Yet To Be
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Soul in the Game

 The Art of a Meaningful Life

by Vitaliy Katsenelson
Book ReviewVitaliy Katsenelson captures the delight in living a life in learning mode. By this I mean that he demonstrates how to be curious about new subjects and how to be open to learning more about subjects we are already familiar with.
He shows us how to grow in sync with the maturity of our children, how to lead a business with a growth mindset encouraging the strengths of colleagues to shine in their role. Vitaliy also shows us the art of personal development in an ever-changing world. He draws parallels between classical music and the pain of learning through perceived failure. The wisdom of his father is woven into the fabric of his understanding of the world around him from an art vs craft perspective.
Vitaliy emigrated to America from Russia and forged a successful career in investing, ultimately starting his own business. His interest in writing began with articles on stocks and became such a passion for him that he began to include life lessons and snippets of classical music in his newsletter and reports. Thus was born his desire to write a life manual as such, for himself, his family and broader society.
Excerpts My Kindle eReader tells me that I highlighted 56 passages from the book! However, I will highlight just a few of my very favourite ones here:
On relationships:Traditions are like that. The connecting tissue (dough) of traditions are memories. We string them together when we do things together with our family. This is a part of life that really resonates with me. Time with family, whether our grandparents, parents, siblings, children, grandchildren, partner or extended family and friends is like comfort food to our soul.
On Mindfulness:Begin at once to live and count each separate day as a separate life. A life bookended by sunrise and sunset. This really struck a chord with me, since we wake up each morning with a fresh outlook, we should not mar it with the mistakes and grudges of yesterday.
On Personal Growth:Writing also rewired how I observed life around me. I started to pay attention to little things, often turning them into metaphors. This is personal to me because I am only new in the art of writing and I felt this deeply regarding the rewiring of my brain. In observation of life around me and the people in it.

Soul in the Game: The Art of a Meaningful Life ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Reading this book gave me a fresh outlook on my relationship with myself first and foremost. I learnt that I do not need to, and indeed cannot, be liked by every human on this earth and to be okay with that. In fact, Vitaliy showed me how to be comfortable with that. 
Learning about the Stoics was an interest of mine many years ago, but I didn't research the subject nearly as thoroughly as Vitaliy. The quote that I kept from my study of Stoicism is this: For the Stoics, reason meant not only using logic, but also understanding the processes of nature, the universal reason in all things. They continue: If someone is unkind, it is because they are unaware of their own universal reason, which leads to the conclusion of kindness. The solution: To examine one's own judgements and behaviour and determine where they diverge from the universal reason of nature.
This follows the gist of Soul in the Game in that we should be examining our own responses and reactions to events before we judge someone else's. To accept their reasoning is to accept that we cannot always convince someone else to agree with us.
My rating is a solid 5 stars because the book is a deep study on self and life, not only for the author but for the reader as well.
Soul in the Game releases on 21 June 2022 and is available on Amazon:
Soul in the Game: The Art of a Meaningful Life

Deeper insight and resources from Vitaliy Katsenelson are available at the link:
Soul in the Game

Highly recommended!


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Stress Busting in 2 Easy Moves

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Stress Busting in 2 Easy Moves

Have you checked in with yourself lately? If you’re in a public space, simply take a few uplifting breaths – bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Listen to the noises around you. Birds? Cars? Air-conditioner? Chatter? Sensory overload can trigger a small dose of anxiety. Let’s use our senses to engage our clarity and drown out the anxiety.

♥ if you’re feeling frazzled, flick your fingers on one hand, or both hands if you can. Place your thumb over each fingernail one by one, flick away from your thumb with one finger at a time. Spring each finger forwards, away from your thumb. Notice your skin. Is it dry? Sweaty? Are your fingertips freezing?

♥ repeat as many times as needed until you feel a gentle tingling in your fingertips. Count each time you flick a finger forwards: 

1, 2, 3, 4

Relax.

Calm.

Begin anew.

Bringing yourself back to basic awareness is an instant stress buster!

Rub your thumbnails with your index finger. Notice any ridges on your nails; the length of your nails; feel the cuticle where nail meets nail bed. What shape does it form? Are they rough, smooth, sticking up at the edges? Feel the pleasant tickling sensation on your nails and the skin of your index fingers. How soothing does that feel?

There! You’ve just given yourself 30 seconds of total mindful love. Staying in the moment, focusing ALL your attention on yourself.

**To be clear, these are not permanent fixes for stress busting but they help in the moment. As always, please see your healthcare provider if you need greater help reducing stress and anxiety.

That's all for today. Short, sweet and to the point. These were excerpts taken from THIS ARTICLE.
Have a fabulous weekend and do let me know any stress busting tricks you have up your sleeve.

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A Simmering Love

A MARITAL TUNE-UP

I am delighted to share today's blogpost with you from a reader who shares her findings on ways to 'create sparks that last' in her marriage.

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Although Stuart and I share a lot in common, we have come to learn from each other as well. From Stuart, his thoughtful and considerate ways. From me, my humor, laughter, and how to lighten up. April 15th, 2022 marked our 39th wedding anniversary. Just. That. Fast.

Both recently retired—not together; we read not to do it together—we became hyper-aware of a new phase in our lives and marriage. It was as though we were left holding a simmering love, one becoming all too familiar (Storge) instead of our once robust, romantic and physical love. Our minds and bodies were struggling with this shift: How to keep ‘us’ alive as we aged when it seemed we were on a fast track to becoming roommates. Stuart and I decided to seek counseling in order to make an immediate change in the direction of our marriage.

From my doctor, we received the name of a couple’s therapist. We enjoyed five, one-hour sessions of what Stuart and I called our Marital Tune-Up.  We gleaned much from each session, including: BEING CURIOUS. Assuming we know each other so well is not productive, it doesn’t encourage growth as a couple. ASK QUESTIONS. Do this instead of being reactionary. LISTEN. Take a moment to think about the next action. Are these difficult? You bet. But worth it.

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Also worth it, yet perhaps the most challenging? Being honest about our aging process. We are no longer in our thirties, so live our lives truthfully, honestly—one that mirrors where we both are now, and as we age. This means re-defining our intimacy, including but not limited to taking time with each other, without distraction. Holding hands when walking. Touching when passing each other during the day. A kiss here and there. Stuart and I are putting these new and different manners of intimacy into practice, and by doing so we are bringing ourselves back to ’us.’ Here’s to the next 39 years. Okay, maybe a year at a time? (Stuart laughed at this.)
L
~ I love her honesty about midlife marriage being about keeping ‘us alive as we aged.’ It certainly is an all too familiar scenario with later-in-life relationships.
Let us know which of L’s Marital Tune-Ups you found helpful. Or perhaps you’d like to add your own in the comments.
If you’re looking for ways to keep the spark in your marriage alive, I have a fun Date Ideas freebie and a romantic date-night-in playlist for you to enjoy:
Date Ideas Booklet

Date Night In Playlist

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Are You a Prisoner of Your Thoughts?

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy? 

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Deep questions for sure.

Let me start by asking you how often you find yourself having a heated discussion in your thoughts?

How often do you find yourself defending your actions internally, in your mind?

Okay, enough with the questions, I'm sure you get the picture. It happens in a millisecond. We do or think something that we feel someone will criticize and we immediately prepare our defense.

Crazy right? I've caught myself doing this countless times and am more aware than ever to stop my thoughts in their tracks and remind myself that it's simply not true and there is no reason for defense.

Just as importantly, I've started reminding myself that whatever the action is that I 'think' someone might criticize me for, is an action I am quite *entitled to take and need not feel defensive in the first place.

*Provided you're not hurting another being.

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You are free to be you!

Unequivocally you! 

What will you do with your freedom? Go out into your day confidently, knowing that there is no reason for you to defend your actions in any way!

I would be thrilled to hear how you combat your inner critic. Let me know in the comments and remember to subscribe for more inspiring articles like these.

Join me on the socials where all the fun is happening:

Instagram I have two hashtags to follow over there: #nonfictionnetwork and #wordywit

Nonfiction Network is a weekly shoutout to anyone who writes nonfiction - no strings, just a bonus shoutout by me to help each other expand our network. 

Wordy Wit is a new hashtag to help keep each other accountable for our writing - not a word count but a monthly check-in to make sure we manage to write most days, if not every day.

Facebook I enjoy varied conversations over on Facebook, so let's chat about relationships, writing and all things life.

Catch me in the comments! I'd love to chat with you.

I'll leave you with this provocative quote from my most recent read, Atomic Habits:

You get what you repeat

It's the quote that made me realize what I repeat inside my head. Go and get your one free life! 

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Calling All Bloggers

Looking For Guest BloggersAbout 6 months ago I had a very successful month of guest bloggers to freshen up our feed. I’d like to offer that opportunity again for the month of August. 
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You may think it’s far in advance, but from experience, I know it took a while to format and edit each article. So if this is something you’d be interested in doing, I’d love to hear from you.
Topics my blog typically publishes revolve around all dynamics of relationships:
➡️ Relationship with ourself can include -• Self-care• Self-awareness• Setting boundaries• Finding voice• Anything related to personal growth
➡️ Romantic relationships - my topics don’t typically discuss intimacy -• Date nights• Communication• Shared goals• Individual interests incorporated into the relationship• Anything that helps couples strengthen their connection
➡️ Platonic relationships -• Friendships• Colleagues• Any adult relationship that is not family or romantically involved
➡️ Relationships with our children; young or adult➡️ Grandparent relationships ➡️ Relationships with parents/step-parents/in-laws➡️ Sibling relationships
📝 If you would like to create content on any of these topics please either comment below or contact me via the contact form in Menu.📚 If you have written a book that relates to any of the above that you would like to talk about, please comment below or use the contact form in Menu.
✍🏻 Your article should be a minimum of 300 words, it can be longer but don’t feel the need to write an essay!If you have pictures you’d like included I’d be happy with that.
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