Elora Canne's Blog, page 12
August 26, 2021
Meh to Amazing!
https://unsplash.com/@whynottogoforitIt seems improbable that a relationship can maintain it's passion through decades of wear and tear from life's ups and downs. But I'm here to tell you that it is possible.
Not easy.
But possible.
It's not the same passion as newly falling in love, as we've discussed before, but I can testify that it is even better than that dizzy feeling of heading into a relationship with uncertainty for the future. Because by now, I'm in the future of my relationship.
Three and a half decades later of being with the same partner has brought some sobering perspectives to our outlook. The comfort of knowing each other relatively well; knowing that your are loved; knowing how to love in return - these are the joys of longevity in a relationship.
It Just Keeps Getting BetterIt’s important to remember that nothing stays the same. Not even when you've been together seemingly forever.
We still have to work on maintaining respectful companionship for each other as we, ourselves, evolve with time.We have to remember to nurture our compassion for each other as we navigate our emotions through the trials of life and subsequent health hurdles. And compromise is never far from any successful relationship, weathering the storms of different opinions and desires, is ongoing.Take your relationship from meh to amazing with this short manifesto-style ebook about our game-changing date year. In it, you will read how my husband and I have upheld our respect for each other through three+ decades together.
https://unsplash.com/@skyestudiosAre you ready to up your relationship game? Join our happy readers on the blog.
Make it happen! You don't want to miss a thing.
August 19, 2021
How Far Would You Go to Create Your Best Relationship?
https://unsplash.com/@heftibaThere are many reasons to stay home for a cozy date night in.TiredLockdownToo coldKidsCouldn’t be bothered.That last one is a real doozy! If you can’t be bothered to make an effort, you need to ask yourself why. But that’s a post for another day.
Date Night InThe beauty is that it can be as glamorous or as casual as you want it to be. I've made some suggestions below, but of course, imagination is your only limit.
https://unsplash.com/@joshstyleDance night - thanks to my happily married cousin, this has become a hit in our household. I've curated a carefully selected range of songs for a quiet night in: Date Night InLounge floor picnic - rugs, cushions, classical music; who says picnics are for the outdoors only!DIY Day - revamp a dull corner of your home, and your relationship with a bit of titillating. As seen in the bright yellow image above - if that's your thing!Board Game night or Escape Room game online TOGETHER of course. DISCLAIMER: I have not tried the games at this link: Free digital escape rooms But I have played both EXIT The Abandoned Cabin board game and Virtual Escape Room online. Loved them both!Read together. This comes as a recommendation from another triple-decade happily married couple. They share snippets of the books they're reading and they read the same book together. My date year book, Creating Sparks that Last is a book to share with your partner. It comes chock-full of date ideas and expands on relationship growth through each date experience. Available on preorder; live on 1 September 2021: Show me the goods!
https://unsplash.com/@heftibaWhat are some date experiences you've tried at home? I'm always looking for new ideas so click that comment button and let me know your best Date Night In.
If you're looking for an interesting read to share with your partner this weekend, have a look at Gretchen Rubin's Dating Tendencies list and see which one you each fit into. Guaranteed you'll see each other in a new light: The Three Dating TendenciesWhat would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
August 13, 2021
Something Exciting is Happening
https://unsplash.com/@valentinantonucciIt's the sequel to my memoir, out later this year, but gives the backstory to our tumultuous young beginnings and into keeping the spark alive through three and a half decades together. It has the same title as the blog, Creating Sparks that Last by Elora Canne.
It's available for preorder today, at the link below.
Here's a Cheeky Joke to Make You SmileIt's an old joke that people tell: Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. - From Tonja Vallin in her article The Surprising Benefits of Holding Hands - Including Better Sex
Here's the full article if you're interested It's an informative look at the differences in the way males and females perceive connection.
In Other NewsHere on the blog, my subscription provider, Feedburner, is undergoing maintenance and there is a chance that my loyal readers will be lost to me. As noted in the image below, their notification states the distinct possibility of losing my blog family.
For that reason, I am requesting your permission to add my registered subscribers to my Mailerlite account. Please comment below, or privately in the menu bar, whether you agree or not - and if not, no hard feelings, we all need to look after ourselves as best we know how, so I understand completely.
If you've not yet subscribed to the blog, Creating Sparks that Last, I invite you to join our reader family via the Mailerlite form below: (Please be patient while it is in the beta stage)
Count Me In!
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
August 5, 2021
My Secret Weapon
https://unsplash.com/@coopery
“We do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are.”Anaïs Nin
You are your own secret weapon in every relationship you encounter.
The deeper you know yourself, the happier your relationships will be.
Know you triggers.
Know your boundaries.
Know your deal breakers.
If you know those things intimately about yourself, you have the power to steer your choices in the direction of your happiness.
When you know yourself so well, you understand your own perspective more clearly. You understand why you are hurt by someone’s words or actions because it originates in your psyche. Your thoughts about that situation.I’m not discounting the fact that there are hurtful people in the world, I am exemplifying your strength of character to navigate your perspective inwards.
Understand that you can only be hurt if you believe the perspective of the other.
If you, or someone you know, is struggling with self-esteem or struggling in a relationship, please reach out for help. I’ve attached a worldwide link for anyone across the globe.Befrienders Worldwide
To learn more about my 35 year marriage success, join me here Elora Canne, on Instagram so we can chat there.
Or if you’d prefer, ask me any questions you have about relationship success, in the comments below.
I look forward to connecting with you.
Stay true and always be you ❤
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
July 29, 2021
Show Yourself a Little Love
https://unsplash.com/@taiamint[The last in our Self-Love mini-series]
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.” Diane Von Furstenberg
Last week our post was a little on the long side. I really didn’t want to leave anything out because I felt it was all so important for our wellbeing.
This week though, we have a 1 minute self-care video to watch. Enjoy the soothing music and simple self-care suggestions.
If you’d like to read last week’s post in snatches, here’s the link:
The Art of Restorative Self-Love
https://unsplash.com/@avasolHow do you know when you're starting to need a little extra self-care? For example, I get very sweary and I don't normally speak like that, so I know that it's time to pay attention to my stressors and find healthy ways to eliminate them.Do you have a self-care routine or ritual?
July 22, 2021
Can Your Relationship Survive Lockdown?
Yes, you have responsibilities and commitments and people who depend on you, BUT, you have to care for yourself first if you are to have anything left to give - Elora Canne
https://unsplash.com/@quincoetzeeI wrote the following article to help with my recovery, after an out-of-the-blue mental breakdown at work. So I know that the tiny steps I have outlined WORK. They will significantly impact your mental state positively and your outlook for the day ahead:
The Art of Restorative Self-Love
As a recovering Meltdown Survivor, this is what I’ve learnt.
No-one can love another, male or female, until you love yourself entirely. Not with the vanity of feeling better than anyone else and not by exerting power over another. Self-love involves being gentle with yourself in all interactions, even when you are gently letting go of a person who no longer embraces your desire to live calmly.
No human being has the capacity to love other beings wholly until self-love is mastered.
You cannot express yourself fully to empathise with others if you aren’t aware of your own understandings of your inner workings.
Love yourself well. Not in the adjective sense, but in the verb sense. In other words, love yourself into health – physically and emotionally. Never to the detriment of another, never selfishly; but with consideration for your surroundings and those within it.
Let’s start with the very first minutes of your day:
*you may have an alarm bleating at you
*you may have youngsters, pets or an amorous partner already crowding your space
*perhaps you have woken hours before you needed to and are forced to relinquish any hopes of falling back to sleep
All of these situations are salvageable.
Every single one of them.
Even those unique to you which I have not mentioned. But take a moment. Just 30 seconds, to show yourself some love, before anyone else: don’t worry, this is not a deep breathing, meditation program, although there is a place for that if you’re into it. Instead, this is a step-by-step practical guide to 30 seconds of conscious acknowledgement of you, yourself.
♥ don’t pick up any electronic devices
♥ DON’T
♥ if you have already, put them down, right now, in this very moment
♥ on your bedside table or floor, not on your lap or stomach or chest
https://unsplash.com/@heftibaLet’s begin:
♥ rub your thumbnails with your index finger. Notice any ridges on your nails; the length of your nails; feel the cuticle where nail meets nail bed. What shape does it form? Are they rough, smooth, sticking up at the edges? Feel the pleasant tickling sensation on your nails and the skin of your index fingers. How soothing does that feel?
There! You’ve just given yourself 30 seconds of total mindful love. Staying in the moment, focusing ALL your attention on yourself.
If you have a small horde clambering over you, you can still show yourself some tender loving:
♥ massage inside the top of your mouth with your tongue. Never mind the morning breath you might be reeling from, this will actually help the health of your mouth and your mind. Run the tip of your tongue along the centre of your palate, feeling the line dividing the two halves; left and right. Trace the edges of your teeth with your tongue as they surround your mouth. Back to your palate; notice the contrast between soft skin and hard enamel of your teeth.
Congratulations! Once again you’ve afforded yourself a quick 30 second respite before the busy day carries you away.
If for whatever reason your day has already carried you away, fear not, there are many inconspicuous areas of your body where you can self-settle (and by inconspicuous, I don’t mean you can get frisky, alright!). Your wrists are another comforting spot to massage, as is the space behind your ears. I find a gentle massage up behind my ears particularly calming. I mention inconspicuous because if you really truly can’t spare 30 seconds before you set foot out of bed, then on the loo, in the shower, on your commute or at your workplace, are highly beneficial as well.
♥ lean your elbows on your desk, table or just rest your jaw line in your hands as you caress the soothing space behind your ears, no-one will notice, but you will benefit enormously. Taking just 30 seconds to reset your thoughts and bring your attention to your own comfort, will set you on the path to a more vibrant outlook for the moment you are encountering
♥ likewise, with your wrists; rub them softly no matter what public space you are in, this is perfectly socially acceptable behaviour. The feel of smooth skin under your fingertips works wonders in reminding you of the life force within you to cope with any situation.
∞
https://unsplash.com/@brigittetohmOnce your day has begun, your self-love doesn’t stop:
If you’re a coffee in the morning kind of person, as am I, by all means go ahead and have your cuppa. Now I am no nutritionist so if you’re banned or simply don’t drink coffee, please don’t start now.
Mmm. Finished? Good.
♥ Now chase it down with a tall glass of water
Remember how I said ‘love yourself well’? Water is your well of health.
If you’re a fitness kind of person, hats off to you and off you go to do your thing. If you’re not, don’t worry I am not here to convert you. Although my claim to fame is one 90km grueling ultra marathon, I am actually not a fitness fanatic. I do, however, like to keep limber.
Don’t Care?
Excellent!
♥ give your shoulders 5 shrugs of disdain
Still don’t care?
Fantastic!
♥ wiggle your hands and wrists in childlike retribution
Starting to smile?
Brilliant!
♥ keeping both feet firmly on the ground, lift the heel of one foot at a time, alternating 5 times each
As before, I am not a personal trainer so this is by no means a fitness program. All you’re aiming to do here is give your circulation a little whirl to get the blood flow going, whilst taking your mind off the gargantuan tasks of the day ahead of you. Every 30 seconds of self-love you dedicate to yourself is another 30 seconds towards a brighter minute, hour, day, year, life!
∞
Your morning routine should be well underway by now, so at this point you need to be reminding yourself to focus. To be aware of your output. Is it meaningful? Is it self-deprecating? Or worse, narcissistic?
Let’s take stock:♥ what did you achieve in your first hour of work or your day? Yes home bodies, I’m talking to you too.
Congratulate yourself on even the smallest achievement, if you can’t think of anything bigger.
Sent an email? ✅
Answered a call? ✅
Completed your presentation/load of washing/cup of coffee? ✅
If those tasks are still waiting for completion, all is not lost. You simply require 30 seconds of deep self-love in whichever way you choose.
https://unsplash.com/@brookecagleLet’s have a second look:
♥ what obstacles have you overcome by mid-morning?
Cranky boss/customer/child? Kudo’s to you!
Deadlines/deliveries/rush hour? You made it!
And if you didn’t, the Earth did not collapse into itself, did it now? The hour is now, you can still overcome these obstacles. Just take 30 seconds to placate yourself with a handy massage and regroup.
∞
By now you could be reaching for morning tea or lunch. Does that include a cigarette? STOP. Are you taking steps towards loving yourself well?
♥ reach for a soothing glass of water instead of that rasping death-stick
♥ eat a healthy meal – include something green – no, not skittles or choc-mint slab!
♥ chase it down with a life-giving glass of water. If you already drink 2L of water daily – you are a Superstar.
For now, back to the busy-ness of your day. Sometimes giving back can be a form of self-love too. When we make someone feel good about themselves, it feels like a pat on the back for us too.
♥ who have you mentored by early afternoon? Maybe yourself, your children or someone vulnerable needing guidance?
♥ have you assisted anyone, or yourself, to accomplish a difficult talk? If it’s yourself you’re trying to assist – never be afraid of asking for help. Ever! You hear me? We learn by asking questions, so go on, show yourself some kindness and ask that big ass scary question.
∞
Your afternoon might be winding down or perhaps you’ve got back to back meetings. Maybe you’re hustling a sales pitch. Whatever it is that you’re in the midst of...
WAIT
https://unsplash.com/@jonecohenHave you checked in with yourself? If you’re in a public space, simply take a few uplifting breaths – don’t worry, not a meditative moment – bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Listen to the noises around you. Birds? Cars? Air-conditioner? Chatter? Tinnitus? Yup that’s what I hear when the silence engulfs my senses. Sensory overload can trigger a small dose of anxiety. Let’s use our senses to engage our clarity and drown out the anxiety.
♥ if you’re feeling frazzled, flick your fingers on one hand, or both hands if you can. Place your thumb over each fingernail one by one, flick away from your thumb one finger at a time. Spring each finger away from your thumb. Notice your skin. Is it dry? Sweaty? Are your fingertips freezing?
♥ repeat as many times as needed until you feel restful. Count each time you flick a finger forwards:
1, 2, 3, 4
Relax.
Calm.
Begin anew.
∞
What active movements have you had in the past short while? I’m not talking bowel movements here, tmi. If not, can you stand up where you are? If not, seated is fine too.
♥ hands on hips gently sway your shoulders back and forth. Feel the movement of your hips under your hands. Notice the gentle rise and fall of each hip as you sway. Bring your attention to your body.
♥ keeping both feet planted on the ground, lift your toes alternating each foot, in sync with your shoulder swaying.
If that’s too much, just do each movement separately.
Another self-love offering under your belt.
♥ smile – smiling has been proven to improve one’s positive outlook.
If you have nothing to smile about, if your day is simply too stressful to manufacture a laugh, or perhaps you’re going through a trying time, try to recall a pleasant memory. A picnic, movie, song. Even a moment of laughing at yourself doing something silly will improve your positivity – if your colleagues or fellow passengers see you smiling, that’s good too because it’s very contagious. Even momentary lightness can create a shift in your mood or frame of mind. If you have the opportunity to cheer someone else up with a Dad or Nan joke, you’re doubling the reward for yourself and for them. Shared laughter is a sure-fire elixir to self-care.
So go on, conjure up a smile – it’s good for you and it's calorie free!
https://unsplash.com/@eyeforebonyAs your day starts to wind down, let’s reflect on strategies you can implement to ease into the rest of the week more pleasurably.
♥ do you have a system to help you with your routine? Work in/work out station? Port allocations for mail, loose change, keys? Chores or delegated tasks others can share to create smoother transitions for all involved?
♥ plan for the following day before you wrap-up this day. Giving yourself clarity is a self-care tactic that takes away uncertainty. Lock in meetings or appointments to create fluid momentum and greater success.
♥ once you’re back home or settled in for the evening, remember to plate up a nutritious meal. Nutrients not only feed our physical body, but our mind as well. Healthy food equals healthy attitude.
♥ chase it down with a tall glass of purifying water
♥ as you prepare for sleep, switch off electronic devices, read a book – a real one whose pages you can actually feel in your hands, magazine or try journaling if you’re so inclined.
♥ if your sleeping partner will indulge you – no no don’t get excited – move your feet from side to side simultaneously like windscreen wipers, then toes together then heels together. Feel the sheets under you heels. Are they cold? Soft? Noisy? What does the material on your toes feel like? Smooth? Silky?
That’s another 30 seconds of mindful indulgence under wraps.
♥ curl up or stretch out into your favourite sleeping position. Feel your head heavy on your pillow.
♥It is well with your soul♥
Did you try any of these strategies? Which ones worked best for you?
How do you practice self-soothing?
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
July 15, 2021
Heal Your Own Heart First
Welcome to the second instalment in our new mini-seriesOur Relationship with Ourselves
https://unsplash.com/@bartlarueepplerSpiritually, the four chambers of the heart represent:
♥ Compassion: Kindness, concern, consideration, care
♥ Love: Fondness, reverence, respect, value
♥ Understanding: Thoughtful, altruistic, accepting, patient
♥ Emotion: Feeling, sentiment, passion, sensation
https://unsplash.com/@snowidesignz Physically, the four chambers are divided into two atria and two ventricles: 👉(You don't need to know this but it relates to the metaphysical paragraph below, that's why I've included it).
∞ The right atrium receives oxygen-poor blood from the body and pumps it to the right ventricle.
∞ The right ventricle pumps the oxygen-poor blood to the lungs.
∞The left atrium receives oxygen-rich blood from the lungs and pumps it to the left ventricle.
∞ The left ventricle pumps the oxygen-rich blood to the body.
Below the image is a link to a 6 minute talk between Esther Perel and Dick Schwartz. They speak of our inner voice and how to use it to our benefit. I particularly liked the 8 C's at the 4.57 minute mark of the video which relate to the metaphysical paragraph below. (DISCLAIMER: I don't agree with the closing remark about our parents as it's my belief that we reach a certain understanding when we know the consequences of our own actions - our parents were doing the best they knew at their level of awareness).
Understanding Our Inner Critic
YouTube conversation between Esther Perel and Dick Schwartz: Understanding our Inner Critic
Metaphysically, we combine the two systems to create meaningful interactions:
✔ Showing compassionincludes, but is not limited to, kindness, concern, consideration and care. These benevolent traits can be draining if you are continually pouring them out to others. Like our physical heart receives oxygen-poor blood, this is likened to you receiving others’ drama.
✔ You can loveand respect your loved ones and still let go of their drama mentally. This is the second attribute of spiritual representation of our heart space. You can be fond of someone without holding onto their fears; pump the negativity out replacing it with positive thoughts until they have left your thoughts just as our right ventricle pumps the oxygen-poor blood to our lungs to be cleaned.
✔ Being understandingof those close to you, means accepting their need to have someone they can trust to vent to. To be thoughtful in your response requires patience on your behalf without absorbing their problem. Always remain altruistic to yourself first, so you can only receive healthy thoughts, just as the third phase of our physical heart receives oxygen-rich blood for our own body.
✔ The emotionthat you impart onto others, pumps them with positive feelings about themselves and ultimately, you too, will feel sensations of passion and sentiment, mirroring the heart as it pumps oxygen-rich blood to your body.
😜 To lighten things up a little, answer these 6 cheeky questions about you and your partner. Not only will you have a laugh together, you'll also be able to relate a little better to each other.
Enjoy! Happy Couples Quiz
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
July 7, 2021
Own Your Self-Worth!
I think it's important to have a great relationship with ourselves before we can expect a better relationship with our partner." Jude - Quantum Healing Connection
Welcome to our new mini-series:Our Relationship with Ourselves
Photo by Drew Colins on Unsplash"I determine my self-worth from now on!" This was me after a particularly tough disagreement with my husband of 35+ years. Disagreements happen. They're a fact of life, but when our self-worth is undermined we have to stand up for ourselves.
That was a pivotal moment in our relationship.
It truly gave me a Superpower I had never owned before. It helped me understand that I do not need to be small to fit someone else's ego; I do not need to keep quiet when I disagree - I found my self-worth Superpower that day and it helped both of us forge a healthier environment for our relationship.
Ali and Cameron Daddo speak of this concept in their 'Separate Bathrooms' podcast. The episode is titled Save our Marriage. It's worth a listen to help understand the growth and evolution required in any relationship if it is to sustain the rigors of everyday life. Save our Marriage
When we talk about our self-worth, it's not the vanity of looking at ourselves and admiring our outward appearance, it's about valuing our morals, ethics and opinion. It's about showing people how we will accept being treated and how we will NOT accept being treated.
Once you grasp the importance of your self-worth, then you can work on offering a relationship the essence of who you are.
When a partner undermines you, it is never about you.
It is never about what you can change.
It is always about their process of emotion.
Radical Self Love
When you are the one in your relationship dynamic having an emotional experience, it would serve you well to remember, too, that this is your experience to process and it does not reflect on your partners' issues. Read this article for just a small example of a minor blip in my equilibrium, which I managed to resolve with radical self love: Love Yourself First
In the first paragraph at the top of the page, we spoke about the value of self-worth as a Superpower from within. Now I understand that the paragraph above, Radical Self Love, speaks of external gratification as a form of self love; what I want to emphasize is the act of knowing our self-worth is valued enough to warrant self indulgence. We deserve self-care. Always. ALWAYS.
In our younger years, we are so indoctrinated by society to fit, be flashy and keep up with the latest trends. I have an important pivot to share with you which will show you how to value your own trends without having to fit into the latest fad: Grow Your Self-Worth
No growth happens overnight. It takes small steps for a very good reason. We can only deal with small amounts of deepening awareness at a time, so that we can process it and evolve accordingly.
Let me know in the comments if this resonated with you. It is such a deep topic with many layers to unravel; I'd love to hear your opinion.
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
July 1, 2021
Awkward Conversations and How to Fix Them
https://unsplash.com/@jonathanborbaOne thing is for sure: Marriage and relationships take a lot of work; a lot of honesty with ourselves and our partners. Michelle Obama speaks openly on her anniversary with Barack.
[This will be the last of our 4-part mini series on effective communication in relationships. Keep a look out for our new series next week!]
Honesty with ourselves: Let's begin thereIf our partner says things that make us feel uncomfortable, we have to first examine what it feels like inside of us in order to understand why we feel that way.
For example, "Are you going to dinner dressed like that?"A seemingly innocent question right?
WRONG.
It's an accusatory question and it makes you feel defensive.Great! Now you can start to understand why it makes you feel that way.
You might have any number of reasons - they'll be personal to you as we're all so very different.
When you've discovered why you feel a certain way, you are better equipped to absorb the question about your outfit without judgement.
You're able to answer with confidence, "Yes I am." Head held high, no explanation necessary.After all, you chose that outfit with particular reasons in mind, so they are yours to keep.
Being honest with ourselves means acknowledging our feelings, NOT hiding them, but also not letting them consume us.
Once you've given your feelings a nod of acceptance, maintain the status quo of being true to you, by validating your reasons for your choices - validating them to yourself primarily - but if you're in a relationship where you feel better explaining yourself, you're fully entitled to do that.
These are awkward conversations to have, no doubt about it but once you can be honest with yourself, you can begin to be honest with your partner.
Listen Learn Love
https://unsplash.com/@brett_jordan* Get the lowdown on ways to have deeper conversations here: Take me there!Honesty with our PartnerNow let's turn the tables and suggest you're not a fan of your partner's outfit. They're completely entitled to wear it remember, just like you were to wear yours.
How might you better guide the conversation to be a discussion and not an accusatory question?
Some scenario's might go something like this, "I like that shirt you're wearing, but the blue one really brings out your eyes." It's not meant to be a BS sandwich, it's meant to be an honest compliment.
Chances are their eyes will light up BUT if they look downcast at the thought of you not liking what they're wearing, reassure them with a swift comeback, "I don't expect you to change, you're always my babe/honey/sweetheart no matter what you're wearing."
It's still an awkward conversation, but it's an honest conversation.
Nothing you've said is hurtful or untrue.
I mean, she wore heels to the beach!
https://unsplash.com/@jakobowens1*Get inspired! Click to see 4 easy ways to deepen your connection with your love: Show me the magic!
Learning about ourselves is liberating. That's one thing I've learned. I'd love to hear some of the things you've learned about marriage or relationships, and about yourself. Let me know in the comments.
Join our happy readers today! I'm in!
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
June 24, 2021
Mindful Listening with Wrapt Attention
@johnschnobrich UnsplashIntimacy is not only physical connection, it is also mindful connection.
People start to heal when they feel heard.
Mindful Listening:"Focus on your partner and really listen in to what they're telling you." Making Couples Happy - John Aiken
❤ Listen, but don't fix - just empathise.❤ Listen, but don't interrupt - just connect.❤ Listen, but don't judge - just understand.
This kind of listening helps people connect through empathy, or as I prefer to call it, kindliness. To me kindliness is more tangible. Empathy can seem a bit vague to those who don't have it, whereas kindliness gives a better indication of what is expected; concern, interest, support.
When you listen without interrupting, you become present. Using facial expressions and gentle gestures strengthens your presence. When you listen without jumping to conclusions or trying to fix their problems or offering advice, you stay with your partner's emotions and validate them.
Sitting face to face, making eye contact shows that you are curious, engaged and attentive.
Just focus on your partner's facial expressions
aj-alao UnsplashIf you're part of a couple that tends not to listen well to each other, take the time to start paying attention.
Simply listen.
Be curious and engaged without saying anything. Over time you will naturally start to listen this way.
Talking, supporting, connecting and dreaming together actually speeds up physical healing according to research from John Aiken's book, Making Couples Happy.
So I'll leave you with a thoughtful excerpt to think about when next there is a disagreement brewing:
"According to Sue Johnson, the pioneer of emotionally focused couples therapy, we now understand that we are neurologically hardwired by millions of years of evolution to find a mate, to love and to cherish, and to be loved and cherished - to be attached, and to connect. Our mate becomes our safe haven."
QOTD - Are you your mates safe haven?
@neobrand UnsplashDid I miss anything? Share below :)
What would it feel like to have a happier relationship? Request your free PDF download in the comments.
