Barbara Rainey's Blog, page 18

The Gift of Listening

With so many things competing for our time and attention, how many of us moms are struggling with really listening to our kids? Our guest writer today, Renee Swope, gives us some great insight into this common issue and helps us understand the importance of this gift. We hope you’ll enjoy hearing her wisdom.

I heard my husband, J.J. calling our thirteen-year-old dachshund, Chelsea, to come get her treat. It was part of his night time ritual of luring her to the back door and then to her doggie bed in our laundry room.

Daisy, our beagle, was already in the backyard doing her business, anticipating the reward of a doggy biscuit if she obediently came back and went to her bed.

J.J.  eventually gave up and went looking for Chelsea who was sound asleep in her favorite chair in our den. When J.J. and the boys came upstairs, I asked if they thought Chelsea had “selective hearing” because she didn’t want to go to bed or if she was going deaf. I had a feeling it was the latter. We reminisced about how Chelsea used to hear and bark at everything from the ice maker in our kitchen to the wind blowing leaves outside.

A few minutes later, my then eight-year-old, Andrew, came to me with a concerned look and said, “Mom, I hope you don’t go deaf like Chelsea when you get old.”

I laughed and told him it might be nice if I can’t hear everything when I’m as old as Chelsea since she gets more sleep than I do and doesn’t hear us laughing at her. My lighthearted response didn’t wipe the concern off Andrew’s face, so I asked why he was concerned. And he answered without hesitation, “Well, sometimes you don’t hear me now. Like when you’re on the computer and I ask you a question, sometimes you don’t hear me.”

I had no idea Andrew thought I couldn’t hear him, and his response almost plunged me into a “bad mom” moment. Memories of recent times I’d heard him but didn’t listen because I was deeply distracted flashed back in my mind.

Although I was tempted to define those moment with shame and guilt, I decided to apologize instead. I pulled Andrew close and told him I was sorry for not listening sometimes. I didn’t want him to fear old age could make it worse, so I explained that me being on the computer was like him watching playing a video game and how it’s like he is in another world and can’t hear me calling him for dinner. He nodded with a smile, and I could see his concern fade.

My example helped him understand, but I didn’t want it to become an excuse to make me feel better. So, I made him a promise I hoped I could keep: “Andrew, I’m sorry. Will you forgive me for not listening sometimes? You’re more important than anything I do on the computer or on my phone. What you have to say matters to me. And I’m going to try really hard to stop what I am doing when you come to me, look away from my screen and listen to what you’re saying.”

Psalm 17:6 reminds me of our human longing to be heard:

I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. (NLT)

In the same way we go to God because we want Him to listen and answer us, our children come to us because they want to be listened to and heard. Being heard gives them a sense of connectedness, which every child craves and needs.

That night God showed me a valuable gift He offers me and wants me to give my children: the gift of listening. I give it each time I simply stop what I’m doing and turn my full attention to them when they want to talk to me.

The Bible offers the wonderful listening advice: “Everyone should be quick to listen, [and] slow to speak” (James 1:19). This verse encourages me to really listen by leaning in and hearing what our kids have to say, instead of thinking about or interrupting with what we want to say next.

In our culture of constant contact through texts, social media, cell phones, apps, and multiple devices, our attention is divided, and our focus is easily shifted away from those who are in the room with us. Our children need to know they are worth more than the screens in our hands and the competing thoughts in our heads. We don’t need to let them dominate our attention all the time, but when we listen with our whole heart on a regular basis, we give our children a deep sense of value and we develop a heart-connection with them will last long into their adult years.

This article was adapted from A Confident Mom: Simple Ways to Give Your Child What They Need Most, by Renee Swope

 

Simple Ways to Give Your Child the Gift of Listening

Stop what you are going and give your undivided attentionSilence our cell phone.Make and keep eye contact.Lean in and make sure nonverbal cues communicate you are paying attention.Pray as you listen. Ask God to give us wisdom to process oyur child’s spoken and unspoken thoughts and concerns.Empathize with their feelings and emotions.Let the interaction be about them.Don’t be afraid to laugh, cry, celebrate, or be still with them.Even if your child lets you down, still lean in and listen with appreciation for one of God’s unique children.

From Renee’s new book, A Confident Mom

 

 

The post The Gift of Listening appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

When the Doctor Recommended I Terminate My Pregnancy, I Had a Choice to Make

Today’s post is from my sweet friend Tracy Lane, mom of three, whose life was defined forever by a routine visit to her OB doc during her second pregnancy. Since that day she and her husband have experienced more ups and downs than the biggest roller coaster imaginable. But those curves and twists have taught her lessons about the value of life and about the love of God that have changed her forever. I think you’ll enjoy Tracy’s story today and maybe it will make a difference in your life too.

 

Two years ago, alone in a dark ultrasound room, I learned that the baby wiggling in my womb was a “mistake.”  A doctor strongly recommended I terminate my pregnancy when he saw that my preborn baby’s spine was growing outside of his skin into a big fluid-filled bubble on his back.

The medical diagnosis was Spina bifida. The grim doctor’s prognosis was: He’ll never walk. He’ll never be anything close to “normal.” He will have significant cognitive delays.

“So most parents, two-thirds to be exact, would choose to abort this baby,” the doctor reported with a solemn face.

The shocking elephant in the room is that the only reason we were even looking in depth at my pregnancy was that I’d been given the same advice six years earlier about another baby who grew wrongly in my womb.

Before I ever imagined I’d grow a baby with a gigantic bubble on his back, I grew a baby with half of her heart missing. I remembered a doctor telling me then that I should terminate that baby as well.

The doctors made it sound so sterile. So simple. So nothing at all.

“We can take care of it today.” 

“You can try again.”

“This will be private.”

They didn’t say: Excuse me, ma’am we think you should kill your baby.

That’s because the mothers in those dark rooms don’t want their child to die. We just want a way out.

No one needed to tell me that abortion means death. A slow death already unfolded inside of me as I faced the reality in my body and in mine and my baby’s future.

Facing this decision meant death for the dreams I had about motherhood. (What little girl ever wished to be a mother who didn’t want the unborn “fetus” moving inside of her?)

It was death for the hopes I had from the first morning nausea, the first day late, and the day I saw two lines on the urine-saturated stick.

 

Choosing to believe God

I know now that most mothers do not choose to abort a baby because they don’t love enough. It’s because their fear is suffocating.

As a mother facing an indescribable yet palpable amount of imminent and ongoing suffering for my children, in both of those moments it was tempting to make the selfish choice. A mother doesn’t want her child to suffer. And honestly, a mother doesn’t want to suffer either.

I admitted to myself and to my husband that the doctor was right: I really didn’t want a baby with a deformed spine, just like I hadn’t wanted a baby with half of a heart.

But I had a choice to make. Once again, I realized that the little life growing inside of me wasn’t mine. I knew it belonged to God. But now I had to believe it.

God had to remind me …

The only problem was at this moment, especially the second time around, God felt much more cruel to me than a good, loving Father who knew what He was doing.

Besides, lots of doctors and societies are good at convincing scared, shocked, grieving parents that there is an easier way. Still, I chose to believe God’s words in Psalm 139:13-14:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

God was knitting another baby together in my womb exactly as He wanted him.

Even if it wasn’t the way I wanted the baby knitted.

That day I was scared. But I chose to keep him; I chose life for my son.

Since I had been through this before, you would think this would have been an easier decision. But there were so many things that I had to remember …

I had to remember that nothing beautiful is ever perfect. But I’m glad that somehow I chose to believe again that every life is worth it.

I had to remember that there would be so much more to celebrate than to grieve. Yet on any given day I’d likely be doing both.

I had to remember that that, even though it wouldn’t be easy, every single day with miracle kids would be sacred.

I had to remember that the world would fall in love with their bright spirits and courageous eyes.

I had to remember that these kids change me into someone who knows and cares about all the sick babies and the strong sobbing moms of the world.

I had to remember how many mothers would ache for the news that there was a tiny chance that their “sick” baby could make it, and I was taking that chance!

And I had to remember that their sickness would somehow heal us all.

What was God doing?

Instead of knowing, I laid on the exam table wondering how I’d mother a child who shouldn’t make it and a child who shouldn’t walk.

I wondered about my baby’s brokenness. And mostly what in the world God was doing.

Still … in my wonder, I believed.

I believed that life was worth it, no matter how short or long it lasted. God was already numbering every one of my child’s days (Psalm 139:16). I believed that God could provide whatever we needed. 

Mostly I believed that someday, somehow God could somehow, someday redeem the ache of that day.

And since that day I continue to watch and wait while I beg Him for ongoing healing this side of heaven.

The moment Davis was born, I didn’t meet him. The enormous, jiggly bubble on his back sent him straight into his neurosurgeon’s arms instead of mine. Davis received spinal repair surgery when he was just three hours old. But thankfully the surgery worked! Today Davis is a happy, typical-seeming toddler who walks, jumps, climbs, and pets every “Pu-Pu” who walks by our house. The only thing proving he has Spina bifida is a long, jagged scar down his back and the six-month follow-up checkups.

Annie underwent three open-heart surgeries by three years old. Most of the time on the outside she seems like a growing up seven-year-old girl, jumping on the trampoline, riding her bike with friends, taking spelling tests, and growing awkward adult teeth for a gangly smile. The hard part is that on the inside she’s sustained by handfuls of medicine four times a day and by weekly finger pricks to check blood levels. She also faces the looming threat of a heart transplant; we’ve recently been told this is likely sooner than later. We could certainly use your prayers.

In one corner I hold that God is good and loving. In the opposite corner, I hold that their lives are His. He can do whatever He wants to with their days and doesn’t need me to make peace with any of it. He just requires obedience from me as I steward the gift of these dear children.

Annie and Davis, I’m glad you’re mine. And mostly I’m glad you’re God’s. Keep shining bright, my brave ones. The world is surely watching.

Tracy Lane is the manager of content strategy for FamilyLife. She is the author of numerous articles, coauthor of Passport2Identity, and guest on multiple FamilyLife Today broadcasts. Tracy and her husband Matt have three children. Follow her special needs motherhood journey at HeartForAnnie.wordpress.com . Find her on instagram @HeartForAnnie. 

 

 

The post When the Doctor Recommended I Terminate My Pregnancy, I Had a Choice to Make appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Pro Adoption is Pro Life

This week, as we mark the anniversary of the Roe v Wade ruling in 1973, I wanted to send a quick note about a talk Dennis and I gave a few years ago about the sanctity of life. In this podcast called Pro Adoption is Pro Life, we share five truths we’ve learned  around God’s command to care for the orphan. Those points include: lead the fatherless to the Father, find ways to go near orphans, give sacrificially, empty your state’s foster care system, and become pro-life and pro adoption.

In about 30 minutes, we cover some serious ground explaining each of those ideas and what each one could look like for you and your family.

We also created a download of these five bullet points so you can print them out and hang the card in a place where you will see it and remember to pray about how you can be involved in the support of orphans and orphan care work.

On a fun note, we are now on all major podcast platforms, so simply search for The Barbara Rainey Podcast and you will find us there! 

Click here to listen on Apple Podcasts

 

Click here to listen on Spotify

Click here to listen on Google Play

 

I hope you will give this podcast a listen and pray about your involvement!

The post Pro Adoption is Pro Life appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

One Amazing Story From the Marshall Fire

Today’s post is by my best friend, my husband Dennis. He is man of many gifts, one of which is telling stories. It’s always been true of him but I’ve just recognized it clearly in these last four years and both of us are learning and relearning things about each other. Today he is telling a story about a dear friend of ours, David Sunde. Dennis and David have worked together in various ways for forty years. They have a lot in common, but most importantly is their commitment to and love for the truth of Scripture. This is a story you will want to read.

For my friend David Sunde, 2021 will be never be forgotten.

It began with the loss of his wife of 61 years, Sande, who died after a long bout with Alzheimer’s disease.

It ended with another great loss, like a bookend to the year, the loss of everything he had … or ALMOST everything.

David was at lunch with a friend at noon on December 30. As he was driving home the traffic gridlock was incredible, and he didn’t know why the traffic was gridlocked. But he stayed in the traffic because home was the only place to go.

When he pulled into his driveway, the raging wind and smoke made visibility almost zero. It was at that point that his cell phone rang. It was the first of many defining moments that would let him know that God was with him.

A neighbor was calling him and urgently pleaded. “David, don’t get out of your car! Don’t go inside your home … BACK OUT OF YOUR DRIVEWAY AND HEAD EAST! NOW!”

The only possessions David had with him were his cellphone and his jacket.

As he backed out, he saw a wall of raging red smoke and fire bearing down on him at nearly 100 mph, sweeping through the perimeter of his neighborhood.

He weaved his way out of his neighborhood and made his way to the Rec Center about a mile from his home. But as he started to pull in, he noticed that a line of cars was trying to get out of there too.

The only place he knew to go that was a safe distance away was a Walmart about 10 miles from his home. The trip normally took 15 minutes. On this day it took 90 minutes.

He parked his car and headed into the store. Another defining moment was about to take place.

He walked to the shoe department, remembering that was the only place that he could sit down for a moment and collect his thoughts.

“What am I doing here?”

David and Sande had asked that question before about their purpose and mission in life over 60 years ago when they decided to go to Dallas Theological Seminary and then invest their lives in college students with Campus Crusade for Christ, now Cru.

Our friendship began when David and Sande helped us launch FamilyLife back in 1976. And as members of our Weekend to Remember speaker team, together they spoke at well over 100 of these conferences to over 50,000 people. He remains a trusted friend.

He was and is a great Bible teacher and equipped thousands of college students and laymen and women how to do life God’s way.

Sitting there in the Walmart shoe department, David knew a pack of water would be essential. He walked a few aisles to his left and found a 6-pack of water.

He knew he couldn’t just stay in the store, so decided to head out to his car.

It was then, as he was walking down the aisle toward checkout, when he felt the presence of someone beside him.

He glanced to his right and there was Kirk Jamison, owner of KT’s BBQ. For the past two years David had been attending a men’s Bible study on Wednesday mornings with Kirk.

“David, what are you doing here?” Kirk asked.

David then shared how he had ended up in Walmart.

Kirk could tell that David was a bit shaken and confused by all that was going on and said, “Come with me.” Then Kirk drove him to Boulder to the home of a friend where he was staying.

He explained how God had provided the house for him … and also for David. “You can stay here with us,” he said.

Over the next 24 hours David would discover that his house, and a thousand others, had been completely incinerated by what is now called the Colorado Marshall Fire.

Here’s what’s left of David Sunde’s home

Superior, Colorado, before and after the Marshall Fire (Nearmap).

The next day David headed out to get a few necessities. He realized that he had a vital call later that morning with the insurance adjustor and that his cell phone had not been charged. There was no place to pull over and charge his phone, so he pulled over in a church parking lot.

He quickly connected his phone to the charger. He watched a massive 18-wheeler pull into to that lot and park. Because David’s car was the only car in the parking lot, the driver got out of his truck and walked across the parking lot to David.

“What are you doing here,” the truck driver asked?

David told the truck driver what had happened and that he was waiting until his phone was charged to call the insurance adjustor.

The truck driver then said, “That’s why we’re here. Before you leave, could I pray for you?”

As the trucker prayed, David broke down and began to weep at yet another timely provision from God.

The truck and truck driver were from Samaritan’s Purse, an evangelical humanitarian and disaster relief organization. As David shared the story with me, he began to cry again. He said, “That trucker is a ‘warrior’ caring for people at points of their deepest needs.”

That’s what they do.

Another defining moment. David was NOT alone. God was with him in his valley. Step by step, showing him the way.

Then Tom Shirk called. Tom’s the pastor of Calvary Church in Boulder, and as they talked, Tom said the church wanted to help him and offered David a check for $5,000. David called that check, “the signature of God” providing for his needs.

Glenn, another lifetime friend of David’s called to ask how he was doing. In their conversation David shared about the two bookends of 2021 – how it started in January with his wife’s departure to heaven, and ended on December 30 with the raging fire that took everything else he had.

Tearfully, David then shared how he felt with Glenn, and asked, “What’s left?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few moments … and then came yet another defining moment in Glenn’s response: “You! YOU are left!”

No, God isn’t done with David Sunde.

And He’s not done with you or me either. Regardless of what you are facing today … God is with you and wants to use you.

What’s your assignment today?

Perhaps it’s a simple act of kindness to someone who is giving you trouble. Or deciding not to give up and quit, but instead persevere … like David.

Or in all my years of writing, I’ve never quite faced a situation with a friend like this where I’m asking my friends to help my friend. Would you go to David’s Go Fund Me page and perhaps be his next defining moment with a gift to that fund?

Whatever you do be sure to take the step of faith that God has for you. He is with you.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

The post One Amazing Story From the Marshall Fire appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

One Amazing Story from the Marshall Fire

Today’s post is by my best friend, my husband Dennis. He is man of many gifts, one of which is telling stories. It’s always been true of him but I’ve just recognized it clearly in these last four years and both of us are learning and relearning things about each other. Today he is telling a story about a dear friend of ours, David Sunde. Dennis and David have worked together in various ways for forty years. They have a lot in common, but most importantly is their commitment to and love for the truth of Scripture. This is a story you will want to read.

For my friend David Sunde, 2021 will be never be forgotten.

It began with the loss of his wife of 61 years, Sande, who died after a long bout with Alzheimer’s disease.

It ended with another great loss, like a bookend to the year, the loss of everything he had … or ALMOST everything.

David was at lunch with a friend at noon on December 30. As he was driving home the traffic gridlock was incredible, and he didn’t know why the traffic was gridlocked. But he stayed in the traffic because home was the only place to go.

When he pulled into his driveway, the raging wind and smoke made visibility almost zero. It was at that point that his cell phone rang. It was the first of many defining moments that would let him know that God was with him.

A neighbor was calling him and urgently pleaded. “David, don’t get out of your car! Don’t go inside your home … BACK OUT OF YOUR DRIVEWAY AND HEAD EAST! NOW!”

The only possessions David had with him were his cellphone and his jacket.

As he backed out, he saw a wall of raging red smoke and fire bearing down on him at nearly 100 mph, sweeping through the perimeter of his neighborhood.

He weaved his way out of his neighborhood and made his way to the Rec Center about a mile from his home. But as he started to pull in, he noticed that a line of cars was trying to get out of there too.

The only place he knew to go that was a safe distance away was a Walmart about 10 miles from his home. The trip normally took 15 minutes. On this day it took 90 minutes.

He parked his car and headed into the store. Another defining moment was about to take place.

He walked to the shoe department, remembering that was the only place that he could sit down for a moment and collect his thoughts.

“What am I doing here?”

 

 

David and Sande had asked that question before about their purpose and mission in life over 60 years ago when they decided to go to Dallas Theological Seminary and then invest their lives in college students with Campus Crusade for Christ, now Cru.

Our friendship began when David and Sande helped us launch FamilyLife back in 1976. And as members of our Weekend to Remember speaker team, together they spoke at well over 100 of these conferences to over 50,000 people. He remains a trusted friend.

He was and is a great Bible teacher and equipped thousands of college students and laymen and women how to do life God’s way.

Sitting there in the Walmart shoe department, David knew a pack of water would be essential. He walked a few aisles to his left and found a 6-pack of water.

He knew he couldn’t just stay in the store, so decided to head out to his car.

It was then, as he was walking down the aisle toward checkout, when he felt the presence of someone beside him.

He glanced to his right and there was Kirk Jamison, owner of KT’s BBQ. For the past two years David had been attending a men’s Bible study on Wednesday mornings with Kirk.

“David, what are you doing here?” Kirk asked.

David then shared how he had ended up in Walmart.

Kirk could tell that David was a bit shaken and confused by all that was going on and said, “Come with me.” Then Kirk drove him to Boulder to the home of a friend where he was staying.

He explained how God had provided the house for him … and also for David. “You can stay here with us,” he said.

Over the next 24 hours David would discover that his house, and a thousand others, had been completely incinerated by what is now called the Colorado Marshall Fire.

What is left of David Sunde’s home

 

Superior, Colorado, before and after the Marshall Fire, Sept. 11, 2021 and Jan. 2, 2022. Nearmap.

The next day David headed out to get a few necessities. He realized that he had a vital call later that morning with the insurance adjustor and that his cell phone had not been charged. There was no place to pull over and charge his phone, so he pulled over in a church parking lot.

He quickly connected his phone to the charger. He watched a massive 18-wheeler pull into to that lot and park. Because David’s car was the only car in the parking lot, the driver got out of his truck and walked across the parking lot to David.

 

“What are you doing here,” the truck driver asked?

David told the truck driver what had happened and that he was waiting until his phone was charged to call the insurance adjustor.

The truck driver then said, “That’s why we’re here. Before you leave, could I pray for you?”

As the trucker prayed, David broke down and began to weep at yet another timely provision from God.

The truck and truck driver were from Samaritan’s Purse, an evangelical humanitarian and disaster relief organization. As David shared the story with me, he began to cry again. He said, “That trucker is a ‘warrior’ caring for people at points of their deepest needs.”

That’s what they do.

Another defining moment. David was NOT alone. God was with him in his valley. Step by step, showing him the way.

Then Tom Shirk called. Tom’s the pastor of Calvary Church in Boulder, and as they talked, Tom said the church wanted to help him and offered David a check for $5,000. David called that check, “the signature of God” providing for his needs.

Glenn, another lifetime friend of David’s called to ask how he was doing. In their conversation David shared about the two bookends of 2021 – how it started in January with his wife’s departure to heaven, and ended on December 30 with the raging fire that took everything else he had.

Tearfully, David then shared how he felt with Glenn, and asked, “What’s left?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few moments … and then came yet another defining moment in Glenn’s response: “You! YOU are left!”

No, God isn’t done with David Sunde.

And He’s not done with you or me either. Regardless of what you are facing today … God is with you and wants to use you.

What’s your assignment today?

Perhaps it’s a simple act of kindness to someone who is giving you trouble. Or deciding not to give up and quit, but instead persevere … like David.

Or in all my years of writing, I’ve never quite faced a situation with a friend like this where I’m asking my friends to help my friend. Would you go to David’s Go Fund Me page and perhaps be his next defining moment with a gift to that fund?

Whatever you do be sure to take the step of faith that God has for you. He is with you.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

The post One Amazing Story from the Marshall Fire appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

When God Doesn’t Give You What You Desperately Want

Today’s post is by Kristen Clark.  Kristen has confronted first hand what it’s like to ask God for a deep desire of our hearts, but to receive in answer what can be perceived as a deep disappointment. We hope you will enjoy her story and hearing about God’s work in her life.

 

Standing in my bathroom on a warm April afternoon, I held the most unexpected news in my hands. I was pregnant. Against all odds, I had conceived again. After two miscarriages early in my marriage, I wondered if I would ever see those double blue lines. For six years I prayed for a baby. I was hopeful. But as each year slowly ticked by, my diagnosis of unexplained infertility loomed like a mysterious fog that wouldn’t lift.

But here I was.

I wanted to embrace the joy of this miraculous news, but I was deeply afraid to celebrate. I silently prayed, Please, God. Protect this little life inside of me.

The weeks slowly continued to tick by. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I hit week eleven. I began to experience some light bleeding. I scheduled an extra appointment with my doctor to check things out. My heart was torn between fear and hope as I walked into her office. Please, God. Please.

My doctor greeted me warmly and reassured me that everything was probably fine. As she conducted the ultrasound, her demeanor suddenly changed. She got quiet as she observed the screen. Then, without looking at me, she softly said, “I’m so sorry, honey, but there’s no longer a heartbeat.”

Her words stabbed me in the chest. Lying on my back, I stared at the ceiling in silence, gripping my husband’s hand. Silent tears streamed down my face. I had no words to speak. All I could do was cry.

My dreams, longings, and hopes of motherhood came crashing down around me, again.

As I type these words today, I still have yet to experience a healthy pregnancy. As I’ve wrestled with my own unfulfilled longings to get pregnant, I’ve asked God why so many times. I’ve cried and wondered why God would give this good gift to other women but not to me. I’ve prayed fervently and sincerely, wondering why God wasn’t answering my prayers. Why wasn’t He giving me what I so desperately wanted—especially something that He calls a good thing?

Unfulfilled longings are painfully hard to deal with. But I don’t have to tell you that. You’ve been there too. You’ve wrestled with your own unfulfilled longings and unanswered prayers. Maybe even right now. Just like me, you’ve poured out your heart to God.

God, please bring me a Godly husband.

God, please restore my broken marriage.

God, please heal my loved one who’s sick.

God, please open the door for a better job.

God, please give me a baby.

God, please help my friend to know you as their Savior.

God, please mend this strained relationship with my in-laws.

There’s that moment when we all feel desperate. We’re done waiting, and we just want what we want. We want to take control to make it happen. We’re weary and exhausted and wonder if God has completely forgotten us.

Friend, I’ve been there time and time again. It’s so hard. But here’s something I want you to consider. Maybe God is answering your prayers, He’s just not giving you the answer you desire. I used to think that God wasn’t answering my prayers when I didn’t get pregnant. But over the past decade God has helped me to see that He was answering my prayers all along. He just wasn’t saying “yes.”

It took me a while to catch on, but I eventually realized that God answers prayers in one of three ways:

He says “yes” and gives me what I prayed for.He says “no” and closes the door in that area.He says “wait” and wants me to patiently wait for an answer down the road.

Out of those three options, I think the hardest one is “wait.”

But here’s the truth. God knows the waiting is hard for us as humans. He knows it’s challenging for us. Ultimately, though, He knows it’s good for us. The waiting causes us to come face-to-face with our own inability to do anything about it. The waiting forces us to look in the mirror and acknowledge that we’re not in control. As I share in my book, Not Part of the Plan, “God knows that our greatest need isn’t to get what we want out of life but to get more God into our life.” And if we’re totally honest with ourselves, one of the best ways for us to see our need for Him is through the lens of our unfulfilled longings.”

 

You see, God cares deeply about our prayers and unfulfilled longings, but He is graciously calling us to pursue something better. Something more satisfying. Something eternal. He is calling us to find our true hope in Him alone. Our relationship with God is the deepest and truest need of our heart. It’s the only thing that can bring genuine satisfaction to our soul. Yes, our desires are great, but they shouldn’t be our greatest desire. Our Heavenly Father is lovingly and graciously pushing us toward true and lasting hope.

As women of faith, God is helping us see that our greatest need isn’t to get what we want, but to know Him more fully and to love Him more deeply. We will find peace in the midst of our desperate longings when we entrust them to our Heavenly Father. When we open our hands in surrender, and give our burdens to the One who holds all things together, we find peace. As Isaiah 26:3 reminds us, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”

Sister, there is so much God wants to do in your life during the waiting. There is so much wisdom to be gained in the wanting. I don’t know what’s weighing on your heart today, but I do know this: by faith, you can choose to put your trust in the one true God who is with you in the midst of your circumstances.

Whether or not God ever gives you the longings of your heart, you can find lasting peace and fulfillment right now. For additional encouragement, I created a beautiful printable sheet for you with 15 specific verses that will give you hope during hard times. You can download it for free here.

 

AUTHOR BIO:

Kristen Clark is the author of five book, host of the popular podcast, The Girl Defined Show, and founder of Girl Defined Ministries. In a world that continues to shift further away from God’s design, she is passionate about linking arms with modern women and helping them discover God’s radical and beautiful design for femininity. Her first book, Girl Defined: Discovering God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity continues to resonate with women all around the world. Her most recent book, Not Part of the Plan: Trusting God with the Twists and Turns of Your Story helps you know how to trust God right now thrive in your own story. Kristen loves the Sisterhood and would consider it an honor to connect with you through social media, email, or at GirlDefined.com.

The post When God Doesn’t Give You What You Desperately Want appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Spiritual Life Skills? (Do I Even Have Time for That?)

It’s a true delight to introduce you to my friend Janel Breitenstein who I’ve known since her family moved to Little Rock when she was in high school. Since she graduated from college she and I have worked together on quite a few writing projects. She has also been a frequent guest writer on the Ever Thine Home blog since it began in 2011. Now she’s written her first book in which she encourages moms and dads alike to become intentional with their kids. Janel is a true model of all she’s written about in this book with her four kids and her husband John. It’s an honor to have her on the blog today. 

 

It was the season we’d been waiting for. We toted stadium chairs and water bottles, smeared on sunscreen, and invited the family. My son Baden, all pale-blond curls and Bambi-size blue eyes, yanked on a shirt three sizes too big and strapped shin guards above preschool cleats.

When the throaty whistle sounded, my son’s legs rotated in high gear. We soon saw he seemed to fall down a lot on purpose and enjoyed bodychecking the other four-year-olds. (That was at least one conversation with him on the sidelines.) But the grin, the apple-red cheeks, and the smell of little-boy sweat in his hair? Golden.

The inevitable moment came either in that game or the next—I can’t remember. He powered a shot directly into the goal. Victorious! The crowd goes wild!

Only of course it didn’t, because, hey. Oops. Wrong goal.

That kid’s a teenager now, hopefully not smiting too many young women with those eyes. I wish the goals for our kids were still peewee-sized.

As parents, we help our kids aim for certain goals. We make sacrifices in the form of events and practices and particular diets and I’ll-have-to-subtract-this-from-your-college-fund uniforms and equipment. Or music or academics or Scouts or pure survival. We cut hot dogs in pieces so they won’t choke. We teach them to clean the toilet well instead of disgustingly. We show them how to drive in a downpour and avoid turning underwear a pale pink in the laundry.

We concentrate on the goals that matter in the moment.

But what if in focusing on the immediate and the seemingly urgent, we miss the best?

 

The Life Skills We Don’t Think About

If we don’t play this parenting game strategically, we’ll hit someone’s goals. But they might not be the ones we intended. Worse, we may miss out on winning the game of our kids’ lifetime.

 

 

How can we make space for what matters eternally? How can we squirrel away life skills in our kids that make them want to connect with God?

 

Could spiritual life skills be as natural to them as brushing their teeth (okay, I’m still reminding my 12-year-old) or putting their clothes in the hamper? (Yikes. Maybe not that one either.)

 

If Only I Had Time for That

Over sixteen years and two continents, my husband, John, and I have sweated and conditioned ourselves for God’s long game—trusting that whatever good work God has begun in our kids, he will bring to a winning finish (Philippians 1:6).

Our part has been anything but error-free. Sometimes we fumble and feel far from a win. And our opponents (spiritual, cultural, internal within us, internal within our kids) are real.

Meanwhile, my family is trying to survive as much as yours.

There are chores to supervise—and cleaning with kids in the house, as the saying goes, is like brushing

one’s teeth while eating Oreos. There’s schoolwork to monitor and correct. (“No, there is no such thing as a kilomoleter. Or a hoxagon.”) There are attitudes and inane squabbles I occasionally wish I could trade in for a pair of power heels. As it is, Lego shrapnel skewers the soles of my feet. And I recently found my teenager’s toenail clipping on the table.

 

Oops. Wrong goal

But these aren’t the issues that concern me most. I can probably get my kids to scrub dishes, do their homework, and maybe even clean up Legos. (If I can’t, maybe the military?) Yet, what if I fail to teach them what really matters—like the faith, hope, and love that don’t fade (1 Corinthians 13:13)?

What if they leave our house of insanity with a prayer lifestyle resembling a stiff visit to an elderly grandparent? What if their sexual values end up more smudgy than my bathroom mirror? What if my kids stink at apologizing, thus trailing broken relationships behind them instead of just random dirty gym socks?

None of us need more stuff to do. But our kids do need spiritual life skills. We can seize small moments to teach our children these skills, like we would with, well, the toenail clipping. (Sometimes teaching a

life skill looks like “Here is what not to do.”)

We can create space for what matters and work toward the most important goals—the right ones.

 

“So What Do You Have in Mind?”

Teaching spiritual life skills can actually be…fun. And/or worked into your other daily routines.

First, take time to pray about goals God would have for your kids. What are three to five spiritual life skills you’d like to focus on right now in your kids’ lives?

Maybe those goals are more typical, like prayer or knowledge of God’s Word—or perhaps they’re honing in on community, simplicity, identity, holy sexuality.

Then, you’re likely moving on to the “how.” Got ideas for easy ways to work your goals into habits your family already has—or to make these life skills engaging for your kids?

Try working one or two of these into your daily moments with your kids!

Pray when your kids get up, or as they’re pulling on backpacks to walk out the door. I pray with my arm over my youngest, who’s 12, while he’s snuggled under the covers as I’m getting him up in the morning.Gather apples of different sizes, shapes (some misshapen, old, bruised), and colors, and slice them horizontally. Show your kids that all their seeds are arranged as a star. In my language: All people are made in the image of God. He has inlaid his value and craftsmanship in us—no matter what the outside says (see 1 Samuel 16:7).Create a paper chain or paper booklet with a prayer request on each link. Tear a page or a link off each day at a specified time (before bedtime, before afternoon snack, etc.), and pray together.Help kids anticipate the need for self-control: Before you enter an environment, remind kids what behavior you expect. “Okay, guys, we’re almost to the store. I expect you to… ”Give some “training wheels” for Scripture meditation: Just before lights-out, read one verse to think about as your kids fall asleep.Plot out a treasure hunt (complete with a map or clues) to help kids find the “better than gold” (Psalm 19:10) Scripture verses hidden around your house.

Even then—our goal in teaching life skills isn’t “Try harder” or even “Try smarter.” It is God who begins this mind-blowing work in our families. He will also grow it into unerasable completion.

Love ideas like these? Grab dozens more in Janel’s book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write on Your Kids’ Hearts.

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Create in Me in 2022

As an artist I especially enjoy thinking of Jesus, who created the universe, “who holds all things together” (Colossians 1:17) as the Divine Artist. The maker of snowflakes! The intricate delicacy of each tiny crystalline form speaks of brilliant design. (If you want a reminder, look at these stunning photos.)

The Trinity of Beauty cannot create anything that is not spilling over with wonder. Even in our broken, imperfect state we who were made in His image still have the capacity to reflect some of His perfect, breath-stealing artistry.

What if I could take a weeklong workshop with one of the greats like Michelangelo or Rembrandt? Would I gladly hand one of these masters my brush for his touch of genius on my canvas?

Without question.

The Eternal Artist, my personal Creator, longs to add strokes of beauty to my life. Philippians 3:21 tells us that Christ will “transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.”

In his book, The Evidential Power of Beauty, Thomas Dubay wrote, “Divine beauty is so endless, so unspeakable, that Scripture has a special word for it, glory.” Too often I have wanted to paint life my way, but more and more I’m asking Him to complete what He began in me, which is glorious and more than breath-taking.

As we begin a new year we usually think of new beginnings, which is right and good because our God is a God of new beginnings. But rather than ambitiously make a list of all the things you want to change or do or become, start with asking the One who made you what He envisions for your life in 2022.

Let’s start this first week of the new year listening to Him not to everyone’s goals on social media.

List a few goals or character qualities or personal achievements you sense He is leading you to focus on for this year. Then pray and ask God to do the work in and through you which is His specialty.

And if you aren’t sure what to pray, start with these words to an old hymn which will be beautiful music to His ears: “Have Thy Own Way, Lord.”

Keep praying this throughout the year and watch for how the One who knows how to perfectly create beauty in you will do exactly that.

Happy New Year to all with hope for you in ’22!

If you enjoyed this post from Barbara, be sure to read some past New Year’s posts:

“New Beginnings, New Ideas” “New Beginnings, New Prayers, New Love for Jesus in 2018”

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Friends and Family #12 – Looking Forward to 2022

 

Merry Christmas everyone!

December began with three days for Dennis and me in a cabin at Mount Magazine, the highest mountain in Arkansas. The views are truly impressive. We enjoyed the slower pace and the opportunity to focus on writing with no distractions. I started a writing series of blog posts on “Disappointed With God” last summer, and it’s now turning into a book. So that was my focus while on the mountain. Eager to get it finalized so I can share it with all of you.

We returned and I finally began decorating for Christmas on the weekend of December 11-12. Much later than normal but it couldn’t be helped. I do a lot of golds and whites and “winter” décor so I can leave it up through January. Though it seems a lot of work for just a couple weeks, knowing I can keep a lot of it up longer makes it more worth it. I also like following the old traditions of the church of celebrating the 12 days of Christmas which last until January 6. Works for me!

 

This is our little table where we eat every night. I’ve had fun using small bristle brush trees this year.

 

Another little vignette in my dining room w more little trees.

It’s one of my favorites. Will be up through January!

 

Savoring the wonder of what Jesus did is the goal of Christmas decorating, it seems. And I believe the twinkle lights I leave up are a great reminder of the Light of the World who came for me and you. (By the way, my blog post yesterday on Monday December 27 is about savoring. Hope you’ll read it and share it, too!)

Also this month we had two days of strategic planning for the year 2022. This was the first time we created a master calendar for the entire year and it felt so good. Obviously we can adjust and change things as the Spirit leads, but to have clear direction for new Etsy items, cards for Easter, a new devotion for the week of and week after Easter, new ebook ideas for summer and fall and more all listed on paper will be a huge help in getting ahead and in time management. 

I hope you feel a sense of anticipation for these ideas God has given for this new year.

And as we approach the new year, we still need many of you who love Ever Thine Home and have benefited from the blog to join others in meeting our end-of-year matching challenge. 

We are a bit over half-way to our goal and we’d so appreciate your support as we close out 2021.

We still have a few of my new book, Will You Follow the Star? which I’d love to send you for a donation of any amount. It will give you a jump on an activity with your kids or grandkids for gift giving for next year!

You can give online or if you prefer to mail a check, you can send it to Ever Thine Home, PO Box 242407, Little Rock, AR 72223.

To those of you who have given already, THANK YOU!

May you savor the Savior this week and find time to rest and be refreshed.

 

Ever His,

Barbara

 

P.S. I want to thank those who wrote to say you are praying for us in our “trial” which still has not ended. We do see a small light ahead so we are hopeful. Once it’s all behind us I hope to share the circumstances and what God has been teaching us.

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3 Ways to Savor the Savior This Week

Stop for a minute.

Yes, Christmas Day is now over, but don’t hurry to box up the ornaments and purge the regalia from your home!

Recently on December 26 a national morning show featured an “expert” happily talking about packing away decorations and properly disposing of your Christmas tree. “It’s time to move on” was the message.

But I want to suggest a different message.

Before you move on from Christmas, take time to savor the hope and joy of the message, to savor the meaning of this miraculous moment.

The word savor is often associated with a fine meal and it means letting food linger on your palate so you can fully enjoy the flavors. Meditate might be an appropriate synonym for savor in the spiritual realm. Another synonym is ponder.

In liturgical churches such as Anglican, Episcopalian, Catholic and some more traditional Protestant churches, Christmas is celebrated for 12 days from December 25 through January 6. Sadly, by then most of us are weary of the perpetual commercial messages promoting shallow cheer because we’ve been inundated with seasonal merchandise and music since before Thanksgiving.

The real message and truth of this annual season is worthy to be savored. Now that the false Christmas content has ceased, it’s an opportunity for true disciples of Jesus to savor His arrival in our darkened world.

 

Letting the moments of remembering Christ’s birth linger allows the stupendous meaning of this pivotal event to settle more deeply in our souls. 

 

So I hope you will join me in slowing down this week and allow the true message to linger longer. Keep the Christmas music playing. Allow the lights and the sparkle to remind you for a few more days that the Light of the World has come and most importantly will come again!

And as you take down your decorations here are three ways to savor the arrival of Jesus.

With each ornament you remove from your tree, ask your children to name a gift Jesus has given and say “I’m thankful Jesus gave me …”Evaluate your décor and find things you can leave up for a while longer. I keep out all my bottle brush trees into January because they are more wintry than they are Christmasy.Keep twinkle lights up or find new places to use them for the month of January. One of the happiest of all our decorating is the use of Christmas lights which remind us Jesus is the Light of the World. There is no reason to take them down, especially the clear or white ones because again they remind us of Who Jesus is in our dark world.

May you and yours savor the Savior a little longer this season.

 

If you didn’t have the opportunity to read all my “Newborn Babe” series, last week, these would give you a great opportunity to savor the Christmas message:

 

“The Newborn Babe Is the Lion of Judah”

“The Newborn Babe is the Savior”

“The Newborn Babe is the Mediator”

“The Newborn Babe is Lord of Lords”

“The Newborn Babe is the Son of David”

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