Barbara Rainey's Blog, page 2

Living in the “Now and Not Yet”: Nurturing Expectant Faith

I have a friend who loves new school supplies.  Perhaps it’s a carryover from her childhood … but I agree with her that it’s exciting to anticipate a new school season. Purchasing new pencils, pens, clean notebooks, paper and calendars means starting afresh. We can begin again, re-organize, enjoy the opening of a new chapter.

The start of a new year feels the same way; fresh and hopeful. Though the details of our challenges in 2025 are as yet unknown, we do know a few certainties. We know the next 12 months will bring challenges, tragedies and even disasters—more bad news about evil ruining countless lives. Yet we also know that, in the midst of these dark and ugly seasons, there will still be light—flowers will bloom, stars will shine, families will grow, churches will gather, and little children will still make us smile!

For believers in Christ there is another certainty in our future, even if it doesn’t happen in 2025. It’s not a frequent topic in our daily conversations.

But it once was.

During my college years I heard the good news of Jesus and eagerly opened my heart to Him. During the next three years most of my free time was spent in Bible studies because I was so hungry for truth. Along with a rapidly growing group of students I learned about the second coming of Jesus. His return and something called the “rapture” was all new to me, but the anticipation among us was like Christmas Eve for little kids. It was contagious and electric.

Our country was embroiled in the Vietnam War; campuses across the nation were besieged by protests and marches. At the same time, the moral standards that had seemed so stable were being undermined by the new sexual revolution. Adults felt the world was falling apart. Those who were Christians surely felt the end was near. 

Jesus talked to His disciples about the end times, explaining that as we got nearer to the end of the age life would become much harder. Before He returned, evil would multiply and spread like the increasing intensity of labor pains. The darkness of sin would permeate like creeping cancer.

Jesus added a wedding parable to this conversation to further illustrate His point. The story (Matthew 25:1-13) focuses on ten virgins, bridesmaids, dressed and ready for the big procession, waiting together for the groom’s arrival. Each young woman carried an oil lamp instead of a bouquet.

This story reminds me of another wedding. On my parents’ chosen day my father and his groomsmen got lost trying to find the little country church my mother’s family attended. My grandmother was so anxious for her daughter that she chewed holes in her gloves. But my mother was completely unruffled. She knew her beloved would come. And he did.

There was a delay in Jesus’ story, too. The bridesmaids waited and waited. The sun was falling behind the hills. Darkness crept in. And then it was night. Five of the bridesmaids became so sleepy they lay down, closed their eyes, and let their oil lamps burn out. The other five, who made sure they had extra oil in case they had to wait till dawn, continued to watch.

Just after midnight the groom shouted his arrival. The five who were sleeping woke up, fumbled with their lamps and realized they had no oil left. They asked the others to give them their oil, but they would not. The decision was not selfish but wise. It was better for half to greet the groom than none.

In Jewish weddings during the time of Jesus, the groom and his father sealed the proposal with the bride and her father with a toast of wine. Then the groom and his father returned home to build a little dwelling for the newlyweds on property the father provided.

The bride also prepared. Like many brides today she and her mother, sisters, and friends made or bought a dress and beautiful new clothing. They also gathered linens and other household necessities for the new couple. There was no date marked on a calendar, but the bride, her family, and friends knew to be ready and waiting for the groom when he came to claim his bride.

In all four Gospels Jesus made it clear that, in the same way, He would return for His friends, His disciples.

Though they were bewildered about His talk of leaving, they liked His stories about coming back. They wanted His presence with them. Always.

I feel just like the disciples did. My heart responds eagerly when I read or hear hints of His return because I long to be rid of my sin and to experience God’s promise that He is “making all things new” (Revelation 21:5).

When I was a student, we spoke often about Christ’s second coming, and we hoped it would happen soon. We said to one another when we left our studies to head back to our dorms, “See you soon—here, there, or in the air!” And we meant it. We sang many songs and hymns about His return. And we shared our faith with everyone so no one would be left behind.

The apostle Peter wrote a letter to his followers in response to their questions: Why is Jesus not coming? Why is He waiting so long? Did we misunderstand Him? Maybe He’s not coming back at all.

Peter, who saw Jesus transfigured into His celestial glory, who saw Him alive from the dead, who touched Him and ate with Him, let us know he understood in his letter we call 2 Peter. In chapter 3:3-4 he wrote that “scoffers will come in the last days with scoffing, following their own sinful desires. They will say, “Where is the promise of his coming?”

He urged them to “remember the predictions of the holy prophets and the commandment of the Lord and Savior through your apostles” (3:2) and then said:

But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief …” (3:8-10).

A friend once said, “I’m so glad Jesus didn’t come back years ago because I would have never heard the gospel.” He was right. But for those of us who have been waiting so long, it’s hard not to experience moments of disappointment. We were not the first generation to expect His return and not see it.

But our disappointment only illustrates our inability to see what God sees.

Jesus has been gone two thousand years. Like Christ-followers who have gone before us, we’ve asked, “How do we continue to hope for His return with faith?” How do we live in the now and also in the “not yet”? How do we stay engaged where God has us but live as if this isn’t our home? Christians hold dual citizenships. Hebrews 11 says we are aliens on earth.

One suggestion is to remind one another of His return regularly. We do not know when, and we do not know how we will endure the hardship to come. But this we know is true: “… salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed” (Romans 13:11).

Let’s focus on how near He is, not how long it’s been! Let’s anticipate the day as if it could be tomorrow. Let’s tell one another, “Maybe this is the year for Christ’s return.” Are you ready?

Choosing to focus on His promised return helps us not become rooted to earth. Remembering that His coming could be any day kindles hope in our hearts even as we face uncertainty, bad news, or suffering.

The bridesmaids in Jesus’s parable kept waiting, storing up extra oil in case the wait was longer than expected. Because they remained expectant they went to the store for more while there was time. As a result they were ready when the groom arrived.

Are you storing up oil? Oil in Scripture is often a metaphor for the Holy Spirit.

Are you inviting His work in your life so your life is ready for Jesus to see?

Will you ask Him to help you wait with hope, living today as if His appearing might be tonight?

His second coming is no less sure than His first arrival in a manger. He will not, however, come incognito this time, but “every eye will see Him,” (Revelation 1:7).

And when He returns He will judge the nations. And for those “who fear My name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings” (Malachi 4:2).

Maranatha!

Maybe this is the year of His return!

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

 

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The post Living in the “Now and Not Yet”: Nurturing Expectant Faith appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Why My Christmas Lights Still Sparkle in January

I know Christmas is over, but most of my lights, my manger scene, and other Christ-focused decorations are still in place and will be through January. On dark winter days I like seeing my tiny twinkle lights brightening the cold outside. My décor reminds me that adoring God doesn’t end with the start of a new year!

But my lights will remind my heart to worship the newborn King!

And keeping Christmas décor in place, a practice of many believers in other cultures, continues the celebration of Christmas until Epiphany, January 6, the church calendar’s day for marking the arrival of the wise men.

But, like everyone else, I’m turning my focus to the New Year, anticipating all that God has ahead. And I’m staying mindful that looking ahead must be accompanied with looking above.

The words from the hymn, “O come let us adore Him” are not just for December. Adoring God is a yearly, monthly, daily, hourly attitude for us to remember, practice and lead our families in. As we step into the new of 2025, it’s equally important to sink our roots into what is old, unchanging, and eternal. I’m inviting you to join in this continual, regular worship of the One who came to save us.

Make 2025 the year that you resolve to daily consider the eternal faithfulness of the God who came near to you, knowing you will fail but He won’t. Make it a year when you make God a focus of your home. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 instructs:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

The study of His Word, the praising of His name, and the meditation on who He is does not end when the last pine needles are swept clean. So …

May this new year find you adoring God in every regular moment.

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When Christmas Came: Christmas Is About Hope

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

 

Christmas

is about Hope.

That we shall not perish.

Earthquakes

Floods

Storms

Wars

Persecutions

Famines

Death

But we who believe have hope.

All will be made alive!

All things will be made new!

All will see Him face to face,

the anchor

of our souls,

firm and secure.

In June of 2008 my sweet precious granddaughter, Molly Ann Mutz, was born full term with congestive heart failure, due to a serious malformation of blood vessels in her brain. Molly, who was beautiful and perfectly normal on the outside, lived only seven days.

What comfort was there for my daughter and her husband who were so quickly separated from their first-born child? Would they have joy again? More to the point: Would their heart-wrenching longing to see Molly again ever be quieted?

If Christmas had not come, the answer would be “No.” The end of life would be the end of everything.

But Christmas did come! Jesus was born! And He gave the world many promises: new life in Him today, forgiveness for our wrongs today, and the assurance of heaven where all things will be made new forever. “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.’ And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new’” (Revelation 21:3-5).

These are words of hope to a young couple who had to plan a funeral instead of a homecoming. They are words of hope for me, for I wanted with all my heart to rescue my daughter and son-in-law from such pain. Though I had no power to rescue them, Jesus does. He alone can redeem our pain and turn great sorrow into joy.

This is the hope of Christmas—Immanuel, God with us—even when our hearts are broken and we feel we will perish in the flood of grief and loss and all that appears meaningless.

In The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote, “I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage … that in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts.”

Christmas is about hope. I, too, believe and have hope because Christmas has come.

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When Christmas Came: Christmas Is About God

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

 

Christmas is all about God.

It was His stunning idea

in the beginning

before time began.

No one has seen the Father,

the all-seeing One,

the Three in One,

the Almighty,

the Alpha and the Omega,

who sees and hears and knows all,

yet loves His children.

With God nothing is impossible.

A virgin birth?

God of the universe in infant form?

A perfect life?

Nothing is too difficult for God.

This is the first of a nine-part series called “When Christmas Came.” It’s based on John 3:16, one of the most well-known verses in the Bible, and yet very few associate it with Christmas. In this series I will walk you through John 3:16 phrase by phrase for a new look at why we celebrate the incarnation of Jesus Christ.

I hope you will enjoy these pre-Christmas devotions and that on December 25 you’ll celebrate with a greater sense of awe and wonder. And before you move on to the next to-do item on your list, take another minute to reread this short poem about God’s involvement in Christmas.

The post When Christmas Came: Christmas Is About God appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

What God Taught Me When I Missed My Parent’s 25th Anniversary

In the first year of our marriage, Dennis and I made an unintentional and yet very serious mistake, one that inflicted profound disappointment on two very important people. The rolling, repeating waves resulting from our mistake washed over onto us, too, and the drying out took longer than we ever imagined.

Like most newlyweds Dennis and I enjoyed spending all our time together. True to our season of life, we were mostly oblivious to other people outside our little bubble of two. Eleven months into our marriage our best friends from college called, inviting us to visit them in Oregon. From our new home in Colorado, driving to see the beauty of the Northwest sounded like a grand adventure and an opportunity to celebrate our first anniversary in memorable style.

The problem was those days coincided with my parents 25th anniversary. In Dennis’s family the celebration of anniversaries came and went without a mention, so his vote was to skip going to Houston for that weekend. I had a twinge of doubt, but to my knowledge nothing big was planned, so without calling to check I naively agreed.

On the eve of our departure for Oregon one of my younger brothers mentioned the family was all going to dinner. It sounded casual. But we found out afterward that it was not.

My parents perceived our decision as a very significant rejection.

In spite of my repeated apologies and attempts to make amends, we felt we were sinking in an undertow. My parents did not have a biblical understanding of forgiveness or conflict resolution, so the stew of disappointment and loss cooked too long. Living far away geographically made it difficult to spend more time with them to replace the bad memory with new good ones.

This was the first of many significant disappointments my parents experienced with my brothers and me, and us with them, as we four siblings became adults and began to live our own lives. My parents learned, as Dennis and I have, that the addition of spouses with different values, opinions, and life experiences can sometimes amplify the normal losses and disappointments of children becoming adults.

Over many years of watching families around the world I’ve been comforted knowing none are perfect. Not one family, even one that appears perfect on Christmas cards or in church, is exempt from the sin and its fallout that plague the planet.

Many of the most significant disappointments we experience in life occur in our families.

Here are two of the lessons I’ve learned that have helped me navigate these waters of family disappointment:

The first lesson is to practice 1 Peter 4:8, which tells us to “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” My family of origin avoided conflict at all costs, but we did eventually practice a love and grace like that of which Peter speaks. We forgave or moved on. Dennis and I practiced forgiving without a reciprocal response as Paul admonishes, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Jesus our example loved and forgave over and over as His last minutes of life on earth profoundly illustrate.

Of the two guilty criminals hanging on crosses on either side of Jesus, only one recognized His innocence. Only one recognized He was more than a mere human. And only one asked the crucified God for help.

The sinful guilty thief did not pray the sinner’s prayer first, nor did he confess his sins one by one in prayer before the Savior of the world. Simply and shockingly to our constant searching for formulas and rules, Jesus demonstrated God’s grace when He spoke words never forgotten since: “Today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43).

Could it be that Peter the apostle was remembering this profound act of grace toward an undeserving sinful man when he wrote so much about love in his first letter? Peter had a memory bank filled with images of grace like this one. How can we be “holy as He is holy” if we don’t forgive and show grace like Jesus did?

Both of our families of origin have dealt us heartache and with it plenty of opportunities to practice grace and love. Disappointment results because our love and grace and prayers have not resolved relational difficulties as we’d hoped. One reason is all relationships are two-way. Both sides must choose God’s way over self’s way. While we wait for God to work, we give thanks for the healthy relationships we experience with those who share our biblical worldview and values. We long for all, but we wait by faith.

The second lesson is to practice “benevolent detachment.” This is a concept John Eldridge writes about in his book, Take Back Your Life. It simply means caring for the many other people in your life and world but not becoming entrenched in what you can’t control or change.

With our adult children, for instance, we act in loving benevolent ways. We call and visit, send birthday gifts, attend as many important family events as possible, and we alternate holidays to get as much time with them as we can. We choose to listen to any woes they desire to share. We listen and empathize, but we also choose not to become emmeshed, worried, or afraid.

It’s much easier said than done, but we continually give our kids and their kids to God. He can work in ways we can’t. Doing this allows us to remain detached in a healthy way from their circumstances. And if they ask our advice we respond cautiously and conservatively.

Too many parents rescue their adult kids instead of allowing them to fail and learn from their mistakes. (And too many parents raise their children without allowing consequences for their behavior, fearing they’ll damage their little hearts with discipline.) God is not afraid to let us crash and burn and learn. He can heal all wounds. We are to imitate Him, not the world.

It sounds unloving and uncaring to “let go” of other people’s concerns. And I’m not saying you should practice indifference from the cares of your family. There will be times when it’s appropriate to offer help. But God didn’t make us to carry the cares of the world or even the cares of a small part of the world called family. We can’t save anyone nor are we supposed to. It’s God’s job to save and carry the world. Remember, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV) and “Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

The benefit of benevolent detachment is also two-way. Parents can love and care and be involved as requested and have time to enjoy the later years of their lives as God leads. Adult kids can learn from their mistakes and grow up into role models for their own children to imitate. Much of the reason for our many family disappointments is we expect what is not possible on earth—peace with all and no conflict with any. Though we love our grown children and always will, we are not responsible for them anymore.

Family disappointment will last until Jesus comes back. Until then our call is to practice John’s admonition, “Love covers a multitude of sins” and benevolent detachment which cares as it gives them all to God’s better care.

 

The post What God Taught Me When I Missed My Parent’s 25th Anniversary appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

When Family Expectations Collide: A Story About Grace & Truth

In the first year of our marriage, Dennis and I made an unintentional and yet very serious mistake, one that inflicted profound disappointment on two very important people. The rolling, repeating waves resulting from our mistake washed over onto us, too, and the drying out took longer than we ever imagined.

Like most newlyweds Dennis and I enjoyed spending all our time together. True to our season of life, we were mostly oblivious to other people outside our little bubble of two. Eleven months into our marriage our best friends from college called, inviting us to visit them in Oregon. From our new home in Colorado, driving to see the beauty of the Northwest sounded like a grand adventure and an opportunity to celebrate our first anniversary in memorable style.

The problem was those days coincided with my parents 25th anniversary. In Dennis’s family the celebration of anniversaries came and went without a mention, so his vote was to skip going to Houston for that weekend. I had a twinge of doubt, but to my knowledge nothing big was planned, so without calling to check I naively agreed.

On the eve of our departure for Oregon one of my younger brothers mentioned the family was all going to dinner. It sounded casual. But we found out afterward that it was not.

My parents perceived our decision as a very significant rejection.

In spite of my repeated apologies and attempts to make amends, we felt we were sinking in an undertow. My parents did not have a biblical understanding of forgiveness or conflict resolution, so the stew of disappointment and loss cooked too long. Living far away geographically made it difficult to spend more time with them to replace the bad memory with new good ones.

This was the first of many significant disappointments my parents experienced with my brothers and me, and us with them, as we four siblings became adults and began to live our own lives. My parents learned, as Dennis and I have, that the addition of spouses with different values, opinions, and life experiences can sometimes amplify the normal losses and disappointments of children becoming adults.

Over many years of watching families around the world I’ve been comforted knowing none are perfect. Not one family, even one that appears perfect on Christmas cards or in church, is exempt from the sin and its fallout that plague the planet.

Many of the most significant disappointments we experience in life occur in our families.

Here are two of the lessons I’ve learned that have helped me navigate these waters of family disappointment:

The first lesson is to practice 1 Peter 4:8, which tells us to “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” My family of origin avoided conflict at all costs, but we did eventually practice a love and grace like that of which Peter speaks. We forgave or moved on. Dennis and I practiced forgiving without a reciprocal response as Paul admonishes, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Jesus our example loved and forgave over and over as His last minutes of life on earth profoundly illustrate.

Of the two guilty criminals hanging on crosses on either side of Jesus, only one recognized His innocence. Only one recognized He was more than a mere human. And only one asked the crucified God for help.

The sinful guilty thief did not pray the sinner’s prayer first, nor did he confess his sins one by one in prayer before the Savior of the world. Simply and shockingly to our constant searching for formulas and rules, Jesus demonstrated God’s grace when He spoke words never forgotten since: “Today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43).

Could it be that Peter the apostle was remembering this profound act of grace toward an undeserving sinful man when he wrote so much about love in his first letter? Peter had a memory bank filled with images of grace like this one. How can we be “holy as He is holy” if we don’t forgive and show grace like Jesus did?

Both of our families of origin have dealt us heartache and with it plenty of opportunities to practice grace and love. Disappointment results because our love and grace and prayers have not resolved relational difficulties as we’d hoped. One reason is all relationships are two-way. Both sides must choose God’s way over self’s way. While we wait for God to work, we give thanks for the healthy relationships we experience with those who share our biblical worldview and values. We long for all, but we wait by faith.

The second lesson is to practice “benevolent detachment.” This is a concept John Eldridge writes about in his book, Take Back Your Life. It simply means caring for the many other people in your life and world but not becoming entrenched in what you can’t control or change.

With our adult children, for instance, we act in loving benevolent ways. We call and visit, send birthday gifts, attend as many important family events as possible, and we alternate holidays to get as much time with them as we can. We choose to listen to any woes they desire to share. We listen and empathize, but we also choose not to become emmeshed, worried, or afraid.

It’s much easier said than done, but we continually give our kids and their kids to God. He can work in ways we can’t. Doing this allows us to remain detached in a healthy way from their circumstances. And if they ask our advice we respond cautiously and conservatively.

Too many parents rescue their adult kids instead of allowing them to fail and learn from their mistakes. (And too many parents raise their children without allowing consequences for their behavior, fearing they’ll damage their little hearts with discipline.) God is not afraid to let us crash and burn and learn. He can heal all wounds. We are to imitate Him, not the world.

It sounds unloving and uncaring to “let go” of other people’s concerns. And I’m not saying you should practice indifference from the cares of your family. There will be times when it’s appropriate to offer help. But God didn’t make us to carry the cares of the world or even the cares of a small part of the world called family. We can’t save anyone nor are we supposed to. It’s God’s job to save and carry the world. Remember, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV) and “Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

The benefit of benevolent detachment is also two-way. Parents can love and care and be involved as requested and have time to enjoy the later years of their lives as God leads. Adult kids can learn from their mistakes and grow up into role models for their own children to imitate. Much of the reason for our many family disappointments is we expect what is not possible on earth—peace with all and no conflict with any. Though we love our grown children and always will, we are not responsible for them anymore.

Family disappointment will last until Jesus comes back. Until then our call is to practice John’s admonition, “Love covers a multitude of sins” and benevolent detachment which cares as it gives them all to God’s better care.

 

The post When Family Expectations Collide: A Story About Grace & Truth appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

The Surprising Truth About Gratitude (And Why It Heals Your Heart)

One spring, years ago now, Dennis and I watched other families experience all the celebratory festivities of a child’s senior year in high school: proms, award nights, graduation.

But our daughter, a senior that year, had decided she was done with school. At 18, she knew she was not legally bound to us anymore. Six weeks before graduation she dropped out and moved in with a friend who we barely knew.

I remember keenly the loneliness, isolation, and great sadness we felt as parents when all of our friends, many of whom we’d known since our kids were in grade school together, all gathered happily at awards night and then at graduation. But we were home, alone. Wondering where our daughter was. Wondering if she was safe. Fear was our companion.

I was not happy, nor was I thankful. This was not what I had prayed for. This was not good for our daughter or for us.

You may be facing difficult situations like this in your life. So how do you face the rapidly approaching holidays this year when your world has been turned upside down?

What do you do when you scroll through your social media feed and see stories and photos from others and their apparently perfect days, perfect families, and beautiful holiday preparations?

When photos pop up on your phone from years ago with memories of happier days, what do you do? The reminders are painful stabs of what could have been or should have been. And it hurts … deeply.

As you approach the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, how do you manage festive events and family gatherings when your world is filled with conflict and pain?

Heartache and change are normal. “Happily ever after” is not.

First, remember this truth: We aren’t in heaven yet. We still live on a broken planet, one that has always been infected with sin and death. God tells us we are “aliens and strangers” (1 Peter 2:11) on earth looking forward to a new heaven and earth where one day all will be well (see Hebrews 11 and Revelation 21:5). That reality helps right size any expectation of perfection or perpetual happiness here and now.

Second, avoid social media during this season. Don’t give opportunities to the enemy of your soul, the devil, to cause you to compare with others who appear to have what you don’t. Instead of scrolling through images, scroll through your Bible. Do a word search on gratitude or thanksgiving or heaven to remind yourself of what is lasting. Feed your soul with eternal truth. Don’t put the junk food of social media into your heart.

Third, give thanks. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t feel like giving thanks, forgiving, or showing grace. But it is an imperative, a bedrock essential of belonging to our Father in heaven as His child. When I choose to give thanks for my circumstances by faith I am reminding myself of several things:

God is in control. My friend Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth wrote in her book, Heaven Rules, “… He is sovereign over everything that touches us … He is ruler over every diagnosis and prognosis, over all incomes and outcomes, over the most daunting challenges as well as the most seemingly trivial details of our lives.” “God is in control” is not a trite statement. It is the truth.He has a plan and is working it. John Piper said at a conference I attended some years ago, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.” We only see the current minutes and hours, while God sees every tomorrow and is always working good for those who love Him. And it’s good to remember His plan for you will never look like His plan for anyone else. Stop comparing!He can be trusted at all times. In spite of what we see and can’t see remember God sees all and is ahead of us in every circumstance. He is never surprised by those things which surprise us.

In God’s realm, giving thanks isn’t optional. It’s not okay to forego gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” In every situation and circumstance, good or bad, God commands us to give Him thanks.

Thanking Him is an acknowledgement of His authority. It also realigns our thinking and our faith with what is true. Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

It’s likely that the working of the good that God intends won’t be in our timing, meaning it won’t come nearly as fast as we’d like. The change we desire might not even happen at all.

But the outcome isn’t the point. It’s all about our hearts. Believing in Him by faith is what He desires. As 1 Samuel 16:7 says, “For the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

With Thanksgiving approaching, and especially if the holiday feels all wrong, may I encourage you to choose today to give thanks for what He has allowed in your world, especially those things that are hard and unpleasant?

Write a list of the ways He has blessed you even in dark times. It is good and biblical to share your hurt and pain and losses with God. He wants to hear you express it. He knows anyway. But it’s equally important that you thank Him for all of it; good and not so good.

God has a plan and will show you the way, but the first step to finding peace and rest in the turmoil of the now is to give thanks. Giving thanks clears the clutter in our hearts.

May you open the door to His presence by giving Him your thanksgiving.

May you experience the relief that giving thanks can bring.

May you know the peace of His presence with you in this season when it seems that everyone is happy but you.

May you trust God as never before.

The post The Surprising Truth About Gratitude (And Why It Heals Your Heart) appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Finding God in Your Stress: How to Experience Peace When You’re Overwhelmed

A lesson I’m still learning, but understand more clearly with each decade of life, is that fixing my circumstances is rarely the answer to reducing stress.  

The “whens” were a repeated refrain for me for decades, beginning when our children were all little. Life will be so much easier when she sleeps through the night, or when the littlest one is out of diapers, or when he can tell me what he needs and wants, or when they are all in school, etc, etc. 

It seemed so reasonable, so logical.

Then my goal line moved and with big kids I said to myself: When full time parenting is over … when all my kids are grown and on their own … then I’ll be so much more relaxed, have more time to myself, and feel a lot less stress. 

There was always this horizon just ahead which I assumed would mean smooth sailing. It took me a long time to understand it’s not just circumstances that bring stress. The bigger problem was my heart wants heaven on earth.

Somehow for most of my life I didn’t see the very clear declaration Jesus made in John 16:33: “In this world you will have tribulation” (other translations substitute trouble). And Job 5:7 tells us, “man is born to trouble.” These verses are not my favorites, but they are true and they aren’t the only ones reminding us this world is not an easy place in which to live!

I’ve always wanted “Happily ever after.” Haven’t you? I even tried to achieve that in our little family in our little corner of the world. But even our best efforts resulted in more pain and difficulty than I ever imagined.

Why? Because our world is infected by sin. Trouble and stress are just two symptoms of the disease which plagues our planet.

God also knew that the bubble of peace and paradise I longed to create, if I had succeeded, would have left me without a felt need for a Savior and therefore with no hope for heaven. 

Today I know more of God’s truth and His ways, and I am also more patient with His work than I was 20 years ago. In this empty-nest season, the state of my soul can still know stress. I naively thought the empty nest would mean more time for me and more time for my relationship with Dennis. And though that’s been true in some ways, it’s also been much harder and more difficult than either of us expected, especially since “retirement” from a lifetime of leading FamilyLife.

In mid-October this year, I found myself dreading the coming weeks. I, who have loved holidays my whole life, am now in the place of wishing life would slow down because I’m not ready for the stress that comes with preparing for these big annual events, even though they are always worth it. There are solutions, like cutting back on decorating or baking, which we don’t need anyway. But that too requires evaluating and decision-making which takes energy and can create stress.

In the midst of this wishing time would slow, I remembered I was not taking everything, and I mean every single little thing, to God. I realized I was trying to figure out solutions on my own or strategizing how to solve this dilemma when I need to pray first about EVERYTHING.

The verse that literally was the word from God to my heart (and led me to surrender to Jesus as my Savior as a college student) was Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious [stressed] for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (NASB).

The best way to manage stress is to practice this verse … EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Thanksgiving is coming, so start practicing this verse as a way to be thankful and to see God work in your heart.

The bottom line is there is no escaping stress regardless of your season in life. The good, even best thing about stress is that God wants to use it to help us experience more of Himself. He wants me and you to have a personal encounter with Him more today more than we did yesterday.

A little poem I found by Annie Johnson Flint summarizes well the feelings of our common stress.

Pressed out of measure and pressed to all length;

Pressed so intently it seems beyond strength.

Pressed in body and pressed in soul;

Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll;

Pressure by foes, pressure by friends;

Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into loving the staff and the rod;

Pressed into knowing no helper but God.

God wants the normal and supernatural stresses of life to press me into Jesus. Therefore pressure, trouble, difficulty, and every other synonym for this commonality of life can be good. Even very good. Trusting God by practicing Philippians 4:6-7 doesn’t change my circumstances. It changes me. And that is what God desires most for me, that I become more and more like Jesus!

Happy Thanksgiving … and may you know more of Him every day this month and next!

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The Divine Pattern In Adoption, Part 2: What My Daughter Taught Me About God’s Love

When our adopted daughter was in her late teens I was spent, not just by our journey with her but also from parenting all six of our children for so many years. In addition, my heart was wounded by the fallout and heartache, and my body was deeply fatigued from the burden of unrequited love.

In my own weariness I realized how much more God grieved over my own sin and refusal of His ways. His love is infinite, but so was Jesus’s suffering on the cross for His own who reject Him in a million ways daily. As a mom I gave my life for my children and most of the time delighted to do so. My sacrifices for our adopted one were significant.

To have our best efforts rejected, as all of our kids did at times, and to have my love be unwanted and unappreciated, was deeply hurtful. I felt like a failure as do many parents. I recognized and felt the heart of God in my own experience of great loss.

I saw and appreciated His deep unending love for me in ways I hadn’t before. I knew a little of how God felt. I was humbled that He loved me that much and would never stop. And I was profoundly grateful for the experiences I’d endured that allowed me to see Him so much more clearly.

Seeing God more clearly through the lens of loss and hardship has been worth every minute of suffering, both from the difficulties of parenting and from the troubles of life. I wouldn’t trade Him for anything.

As our daughter grew up we were very open with her about the adoption. We talked about it, read books about it, and when she was older gave her what little information we had. Hers was a closed adoption, by the birth family’s choice, but we always said that when she was old enough and ready we’d love to help her find her birth parents. I was eager to meet them too. I wanted to thank her birth mother for giving her life and giving her to us.

She didn’t begin a serious search until she left home. When she did begin looking she didn’t have much to go on so she was frustrated with the process and gave up. Then during her 30’s she decided to try again. Sadly, she met a couple of women online who pretended to be her birth mother and got her hopes up. When it became clear they were not her birth mom, their deceptions and manipulations left her deeply disappointed.

But the last of these experiences became an unexpected gift to us. This woman seemed to be the one. Many details seemed to line up initially and she was friendly and very eager to arrange an in-person meeting with our daughter. When she asked for our contact information, we gave permission for the woman to have one of our email addresses. Several weeks later she emailed a very short introductory email. We sent an equally short reply.

A few weeks later this woman sent a longer email asking for more information. We weren’t sure what to say and didn’t reply immediately. We were speaking at a conference and we didn’t have the time to give this our attention until we arrived back home.

The morning we left the conference Dennis received a third email that was filled with anger and accusations toward us. It ended with a favorite line of toxic people: “You are not much of a Christian if this is how you treat people.” However, she made the fateful mistake of copying our daughter on the email. When our daughter read it she was very angry.

The next morning came a phone call I’ll never forget. Our daughter called to tell us she’d ended the relationship, deleted all of the correspondence and blocked this woman from finding her again. She told us, “If that’s the way she’s going to treat you, then I want nothing to do with her even if she is my birth mother. You are my parents and she’s not.”

For the first time we heard our daughter say the words, “I choose you.” In that moment all the losses we’d endured were worth it.

I’d always sensed our daughter was not fully committed to our family. It was clear she was not sure she wanted to be ours. Yes, we chose her, but adopted kids have no voice in the decision. It’s made between adults.

The question always is will they accept that God placed them in this family? Will they trust Him? Will they trust their adoptive parents or fantasize about another family, another life they imagine must be better than the one they have? This too is common with many adopted children and I understand why.

Can you now imagine this is how God feels?

He has chosen us, me and you, before we were even born.

He sacrificed for me and for you more than we can know or appreciate.

Jesus died for me and you so He can have a personal relationship with us!

He wants to be our Father, to give us good gifts and all His love. Amazingly even in our rejection and rebellions against Him He still gives us good gifts, still tries to draw us to Himself.

To have an intimate personal relationship we must choose Him on our own.

Since time began God has been willing to wait for us. In a similar yet vastly inferior way we were willing to wait as long as it took to be chosen and loved in return by our daughter. God’s promise to us is, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord …” (Jeremiah 29:12-14)

Hearing our daughter say that she chose us took a long time, but the wait was worth it in the end. Even in the years since then she has had to make the same choice, just as we need to consciously and continuously choose to trust God.

God’s patience is perfect, as are all His attributes. God waits for us, even when we wander back and forth for years, to Him and away from Him, over and over.

He always waits.

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Lessons from Adoption, Part 1: God Chose Us

When our six children entered middle school and the teen years my prayers for them increased in focus and intensity. In fact, I started two prayer groups of moms which met weekly during the school years on Monday mornings. In the first group we prayed for teachers, tests, and friendships. We prayed that our kids would be protected from harmful influences that surrounded our budding young adults.

The second prayer group was with mothers of adopted children. Dennis and I had the great joy and privilege to adopt; the events that God orchestrated for this unborn baby to become ours were clearly divine and a wonder to behold. I’ve never forgotten any of them.

There were several families in our church in those years who also adopted. As these children reached middle school and early high school we began noticing traits and tendencies that were different than our biological kids. Adopted children deal with a wide range of challenges that result from the trauma of being removed from their birth moms or from the birth mom’s poor choices like using drugs or alcohol during the pregnancy. Reactive attachment disorder, ADD, and compulsive behaviors are just a few. When they reach adolescence there is the added challenge of identity. They ask questions like, “Who am I in this family that isn’t really mine? Why wasn’t I wanted?”

All teens experience the crisis of “Who am I?” but for adopted teens it is doubly difficult.

By the time these adopted children of ours reached 18 we moms were exhausted. We’d watched them collectively experiment with entry-level drugs, alcohol, and sex. They had chosen friends we feared were bad influences. Two or three of the kids dropped out of high school before graduation. Two were pregnant before twenty. And all of them dealt with depression or anger issues.

We moms prayed and prayed against all these harmful choices. For a year I fasted once a week for our daughter. We parents tried various solutions for our children we loved so much—medications, counseling and different theories and ideas we’d read in books. I still have an entire shelf in my study filled with books I read and underlined in my attempt to understand and to give her what we could.

In the end these adopted children had to find their own way, as do all of us, for we all host the desires of self in our hearts. Their decisions were their own, and the consequences were as well. In the end, from our limited human perspective the prayers and fasting we offered to God for our kids seemed to do little to impact the trajectory of their lives.

The hardest part for me was the disappointment with and confusion about God and His ways. Why had He not prevented this as I had prayed? My desire was only for my child’s good. Jean Fleming wrote, “A child is a piece of a mother’s heart walking around outside her body.” I’ve never forgotten those words as I suffered repeated grief over all my beloved children. None of my six is perfect. None of my six avoided hardship. I felt it all. Deeply.

And yet … just imagine how our Perfect Father feels over His billions of God-resistant lost children! The wonder is He knew we’d all go our own way and He still chose us as His own. Adoption is God’s idea!

In the early lines of Ephesians we find the word adoption: “he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 1:5). The concept is also repeated in five other verses in the New Testament. God saw the plight of his lost children and responded with the concept of adoption, which means being chosen by Him and grafted into His family. Adoption has been practiced by Christians since the first century when the infant church began adopting children thrown away in Rome.

The whole story of the Bible is one of God pursuing humanity to rescue us from the destructive behaviors and addictions we run to for comfort instead of running to Him. God is always working to bring us back Home.

·      God woos and we reject.

·      God delivers and we aren’t grateful.

·      God provides blessings and we abuse them.

·      God seeks us and we resist.

·      He offers forgiveness and grace and we refuse to offer the same to others.

·      God tells us we are trusting ourselves or other things but we don’t believe Him.

·      God shows us we are building our own belief system, not His, by letting us get lost.

Early in our daughter’s teen journey we had a memorable encounter in our kitchen. She had come downstairs because she had to. Her preference would have been to stay in her room and not join the family for dinner or do her part to set the table. A very typical teenage position. (Her siblings often had the same attitude.)

On this evening Dennis looked her in the eye and said, “There are two ways we can go through this season of your teen years. One is together with your mom and me helping and encouraging you. The other is for you to go through it alone, refusing our presence. But regardless of what you choose, we want you to know …” and at this moment he paused for emphasis and made sure she was paying attention. “We want you to hear this clearly … no matter what you choose your mom and I love you and we would choose you again a thousand times out of a thousand …” another pause …  “A thousand times out of a thousand. Did you hear that?”

As I listened intently to this conversation I realized this is how God feels about me. He has chosen me. He wants me to choose Him back.

There was a little twinkle in her eye and a sweet little smile. She heard and she knew we loved her and always would. In the decade that followed that little exchange we repeated “1000 out of 1000” to her dozens and dozens of times. It’s still true today.

God chooses you!

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