Barbara Rainey's Blog, page 6
August 14, 2023
Using Your Home for Influence
Establishing your home as an embassy of the King of Kings is probably much less complicated than you think. One of the easiest ways to use your home for influence is to invite people over for a meal.
One of my favorite stories is about Rosaria Champagne, who at one time was an English professor at Syracuse and an avowed lesbian. After the local newspaper published an article by Rosaria criticizing the Promise Keepers men’s movement, she received a number of responses—mostly negative—but one positive response stood out. It was a kind letter from a local pastor, Ken Smith, who asked some challenging questions about her philosophical foundations. Intrigued, she decided to call Smith and asked him questions like, “Are you an evangelical? What do you believe about the Bible?”
Finally Smith said, “Dr. Champagne, I think that question should be considered in front of our fireplace following one of my wife’s good dinners. How does that sound?”
Rosaria replied, “That sounds wonderful!”
Later she wrote, “I really wanted to see how Christians lived! I had never seen such a thing! … I was excited to meet a real born-again Christian and find out why he believed such silly ideas.”
A disarming dinner
She says the most memorable part of the evening was Ken’s prayer before they ate. “I had never heard anyone pray to God as if God cared, as if God listened, and as if God answered. … It was a private and honest utterance, and I felt as though I was treading on something real, something sincere.”
Thus began a friendship and conversation that lasted for two years and many more meetings at the Smith home. Eventually Rosaria committed her life to Christ, and a few years later when she married Kent Butterfield, Ken Smith walked her down the aisle. (For more about this great story, read Rosaria Butterfield’s book, Secret Thoughts of An Unlikely Convert.)
The Smiths recognized the special power of inviting people over for a meal. It gave them the opportunity to talk with and minister to people in a relaxed, nonthreatening setting. It’s a great way for people to see and experience God’s love in action. As 2 Corinthians 2:15 says, “For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.”
A hosting home
Another way to use your home for influence is to host small-group gatherings. If you belong to a small group at your church, for example, or if you are thinking of starting one, use your home as the base of your ministry. Or start a book club, a Bunko club, or a walking group with some neighbors like my daughter-in-law did. When it rained they did a workout in her garage. And I promise you their garage is not neat or clean! Everyone loved it.
Your home doesn’t need to look perfect—in fact it shouldn’t because real people live in messy houses, especially if you have kids. People will relax more when they see it’s not!
I remember when our six kids were little and a friend stopped by unannounced one day. For a few minutes I was mortified because the house was a disaster. Toys, laundry, and Cheerios everywhere. Later she told me she was so encouraged and felt so much better about her messy house because mine was too. A less-than-perfect home is a gift! It helps people relax.
Rob and Teresa were thinking “embassy” when they shopped for a new home. They wanted to use their home for community, especially for premarital mentoring with young couples. So the home they purchased had a large, open living room connected to the kitchen and dining area. Instead of meeting at a restaurant or coffee shop, each week of mentoring begins with a home-cooked meal in their home. The young couples find enrichment from the study but also from seeing them interact transparently in their home. Rob and Teresa have been a significant influence on dozens of young couples by the teaching and coaching, but also by the modeling of how to live your life in your home with others.
How do you know what direction is best for you and your family?
So much of it depends on what your interests and values are. Do you want your home to be the gathering place for your kids and their friends because you love students?
Do you find yourself drawn to the university culture? To faculty (like Rosaria in the story above), or international students who are lost in our American culture, or athletes or another student group?
Do you ache and long to help the marriages in your neighborhood or church or workplace?
Might God want to use you to befriend these people and make them feel the love of God in His embassy, your home?
Ask Him how He might use you and your family in His embassy! There are countless ways to love those around you in the setting of your home. God will guide you and show you who to welcome as He brings them your way.
May you experience the thrill of seeing God use you and your family as His ambassadors. There is nothing quite like it!
The post Using Your Home for Influence first appeared on Ever Thine Home.
The post Using Your Home for Influence appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
August 7, 2023
Did You Know Your Home Is an Embassy of the King?
Have you ever visited an American Embassy while traveling in a foreign country?
You can’t miss it: Old Glory flaps proudly in the overseas air. As you walk through the doors, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and other national hero paintings welcome you “home.” It’s familiar, and it’s also safe. Once on your embassy’s soil, you are governed by the laws of your home country.
If you are traveling, you head to the American Embassy for help; the staff are there to ensure American citizens are protected and cared for in a faraway land.
Did you know that your home is an embassy too?
In this weary and wavering world, Paul exhorts us, “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us” (2 Corinthians 5:20). That isn’t just a command for when we’re in the workplace or out running errands. It’s a definition of who God has designed us to be. All the time. Everywhere. Even at home.
And that makes your home an embassy.
We belong to another realm, another place, another King.
Have you ever thought that your home may be one of your best opportunities to reach and influence people for Christ? So many people today are longing for a place where they are loved and encouraged. A place where they feel comfortable and not judged. Your home can be that place.
Yet too often most of us wait to invite others into our home until the right time … when the rooms are clean, a meal is ready, the children are well-behaved, or we have free time. But … remember … our homes do not belong to us. They are given to us by God to steward for His purposes. Instead of waiting for the right moment, we should expect God to use our homes, His embassy, to put Him on display in the dailyness of life to anyone who enters or comes near.
Though I am an American, I am first and foremost a follower of Jesus Christ, a child of the King. He wants to rule in my heart but also in my home, His outpost in this foreign land.
Just like the American Embassy waves the flag to declare safety and comfort within, we need signs and sounds and recipes and attitudes that declare our home is the King’s domain, an embassy of the King. When the UPS man delivers, when neighbors stroll by, when guests arrive at your home, what is your goal? Do you want them only to see inside only when things are perfect, or do you listen to your King’s voice reminding you who you belong to? Does your family belong to Yahweh? If yes, then your home is an embassy and He wants to use you and what He’s given you to make Him known.
Here are five ways to practically make your home His embassy:
1. Practice hospitality.
First, hospitality is not the same as entertaining. It is an attitude of welcoming, of having a purposeful open-door policy that invites others in as God leads.
Early church Christians felt so strongly about using our homes to provide a place of belonging that the Benedict of Narcissi made specific rules about the way visitors to the Benedictine Monastery would be treated. For example, every visitor was to be greeted in a way that displayed to him the gentleness of the reverence of God and the warmth of God’s love—a welcome that declared the visitor a gift from God. The porter was to say to every visitor, “We are so grateful God has brought you to us.”
How would you feel if you were greeted at a friend’s house that way?
The monks knew that the way we answer the door is the way we deal with the world. Walking across your home’s threshold, any guest and even your family should feel, “You’re in the household of God, made up of ordinary people who have been transformed by Jesus Christ.”
Friends of ours, Dave and Lida, empty nesters living in a four-bedroom home, keep their extra bedrooms clean and ready to be filled with whoever might need them. Dave and Lida heard of a patient who was traveling frequently to the local children’s hospital for specialized care, so they offered the patient and his family a free stay in their home for the duration of the treatments. It was a great gift of love and compassion for a little family dealing with big medical bills and stress.
2. Love your neighbors.
If you are like most others in America, you probably know only a few of your neighbors … and perhaps none of them. Research recently showed that most Americans (57 percent) say they know “only some” of their neighbors; 23 percent of those aged 18-29 and 15 of those between 30-49 said they knew none at all.
Instead of sitting in front of the TV after dinner, take a slow stroll down your street. Say hello to everyone you pass and look for opportunities to talk. Don’t hide behind your backyard fence. Let your kids play in the driveway and front yard too; invite the neighbor kids over to play in your yard. Trade lawn responsibilities when someone is out of town, collect mail, roll their trash can out to the curb.
One family hosted a cul-de-sac cookout when they moved into a new neighborhood. It was so much fun that their neighborhood continued with Bunco night, summer cookouts, Halloween game night, and even a carnival.
Loving our neighbors is often easier than we imagine. The possibilities are endless. Ask God to help you get to know those He has planted near your home, His embassy.
3. Keep an open-door policy for anyone who needs a listening ear.
I’m inspired by a woman I saw in an online video who calls her home an embassy. She says she is always prepared for anyone who might stop by. She sees her home as a hideaway any time of day or night for anyone in need.
Some friends and family call ahead to schedule their visits; others drop by unannounced when the day gets too long and too hard without the support of a friend. This woman declares that the drop-ins are the best because she knows the Holy Spirit sent them. Fully unprepared for these visits, she relies solely on the Holy Spirit’s leading as she listens and consoles her guests.
The question in our always busy fast-paced world is: Are we paying attention to our King who might be asking us to linger with someone who might need to talk even though we feel like we don’t have time? The story of the five loaves and two fish (John 6:1-14) reminds us that God has no trouble multiplying our time and our resources if we are living for and listening to Him.
4. Decorate with meaningful truth.
Deuteronomy 6:8-9 instructs believers to keep God’s words and commands ever before us: “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” For years I’ve encouraged people to apply these words by making the reality of Jesus visible in their home.
In our home embassy, I have several of my favorite verses framed and hanging in various places. I have ornaments with the names of Jesus hanging on lamp switches and on a nob on a drawer. My front door always has a plaque or a banner with a verse or a reference to the King who reigns in my life and my home. It’s not hard to find or make these visual declarations that Deuteronomy commands.
For more ideas, be sure to look at the Ever Thine Home Etsy store for digital prints, artwork, a beautiful “I Am” calendar, and more, including one of my favorite verses, Isaiah 33:6. If you don’t know what it says, go to the Etsy store and look for it! It’s been one of our top 10 bestsellers for a long time.
5. Host small-group gatherings.
Sure, your church, local coffee shop and community buildings have plenty of meeting space, but inviting friends into your home is far more welcoming. We learn more about our friends and others when we spend time with them in their space.
Next time you’re planning a gathering, birthday party, or family event, volunteer your home. It doesn’t mean you have to do all the work; you can delegate.
Your home is an embassy of the King.
There are countless ways to love those around you in the setting of your home. Even the smallest strides toward declaring your home a representation and refuge of our King will honor the One who has provided your family with a residence able to serve Him through serving others.
Adapted from an article on FamilyLife.com Used with permission.
Be sure to watch the inspiring video “The Embassy” at the website for Deidox Films —you can view if you open a free account.
The post Did You Know Your Home Is an Embassy of the King? first appeared on Ever Thine Home.
The post Did You Know Your Home Is an Embassy of the King? appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
June 26, 2023
Where Can We Find Stability in an Unstable Time?
In the current climate of our country I feel my stability—my sense of peace, my rootedness—is buffeted continually by news about political and social unrest, threats to national security, shocking crime, and even reports of extreme weather. A few weeks ago a devastating tornado swept through Little Rock, destroying areas I’ve driven through for over 40 years. Sometimes in our world today I feel as if my limbs are being stripped, my stability uprooted like the destroyed trees and buildings littered across these neighborhoods.
The future is unsure. We do not know what tomorrow may bring.
My comfortable and somewhat predictable routine brings me comfort. Every day I trust the walls and roof of my house to remain stable, the roads on which I drive to remain solid. Our medical system with its superior training, facilities, and staff have assured me that most any problem can be repaired. Our freedom to worship—a right we have counted on for over two centuries—has always felt as dependable as bedrock.
But the dark clouds on our world’s horizons are challenging my thinking about where my trust is placed. I wonder if my security and stability is resting too heavily on my circumstances.
In the midst of the 2008 economic crash in America, I found these words which stabilized my anxiety then, and again today: “And He will be the stability of your times” (Isaiah 33:6).
There is so much I cannot change or fix about this world. That will always be true. And so the rock of Christ, the anchor of my soul, must be my sure hope and my stability, not the predictable norms I long to cherish.
The eternal truth that God is sovereign is either true or it is not. I’m counting on its veracity because He brings more peace than any treaty or alliance of men possibly could.
As I read my Bible I read that hard times are part of life. And there are predictions of hard times ahead. At the end of the age, whether that is just around the corner or decades away, life will become more difficult, not easier. In this also He is the stability I desire, need, and long for.
No matter what happens, I pray you will join me in growing deeper roots into the only One who can make us safe. I also pray that we will make the transcendent truth of God and His Word more a part of our conversations so that others may also know of this hope and stability. Christians have become fearful as our culture that once supported us and our freedom to worship now is undercutting and overtly attacking many of us.
What if our land is ruined by a natural disaster? What if some foreign nation launches a missile that reaches our shores? Will you rest on God’s promises then?
Centuries-old trees, like sequoias and oaks, endure through drought and storms because when conditions are good they eagerly soak up nourishment and sink their roots deeper to prepare for the hard times that always come.
Will you sink your roots into the Rock of Christ?
Will you invite Him to be the stability of your times no matter what may come?
If this post helped you, you would also enjoy our new online video study titled, Cultivating Hope In Times of Hardship and Disappointment. This series, with five video messages and a free downloadable workbook, is a compilation of many of the lessons I’ve learned in my 50 years of following Jesus as His disciple.
In this study, I explore:
The story from John 11 of Mary and Martha and their disappointment with Jesus after the death of their brother Lazarus.8 ways to nurture faith and hope in the dark times of life.Keeping hope alive.If you are curious to learn more I’d love for you to watch the video series and learn more about cultivating hope when you’re going through hardships and are disappointed in God. It’s available now!
The post Where Can We Find Stability in an Unstable Time? appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
June 19, 2023
Using Chores to Teach Your Children the Value of Work
Early in our marriage, Dennis and I discovered we had very different views on the value of work. Then we had children … and the conversation widened to include questions like, “How do we balance play time and teaching time? How much can we expect of our toddlers, our preschoolers?”
Do you know what values motivate you? In those early parenting years Dennis and I made individual lists of what values mattered to each of us, what values we wanted to teach our children. Then we combined these into a single list we titled “What we want to teach our children.”
It wasn’t a simple or a quick conversation! As I wrote in my book, Letters to My Daughters, “Different ingredients don’t blend easily.” Over the years we modified the list as we remembered qualities or learned a truth from the Bible that we had to include. You can find that list here.
One of my contributions to our list was teaching our kids to value work as good. God put us in His creation to work with it, manage it, and steward it. All occupations that are needed in our world … from tech jobs to driving semi-trucks, to service jobs, parenting, ministry work, selling insurance or other products that make our lives better … all this work is good and can be a daily offering to God as we labor for His glory.
Our children worked from the time they were little. They loved helping me when they were old enough to carry things for mommy. Of course they made messes and it would have been easier if I had just completed these chores myself. But if we don’t introduce them to the joy of working when they are little it will be much harder when they are older. It’s not so hard to be an adult if you learn it slowly over the first 18 years of life.
Work is a holy calling. God declared in the Garden of Eden that Adam and Eve were to work for six days and rest on the seventh. And work isn’t optional either.
Here are some of the jobs our kids did and the ages when they began.
At age three they began to run little errands for me. Get mommy a diaper for the baby … take a pile of clothes (a manageable one for their size) to a sister’s room. I also gave them small jobs like emptying the silverware holder from the dishwasher into the drawer. It’s a great “matching things” exercise. And I let them carefully move eggs from the carton to the container for the refrigerator.My daughter, Rebecca, who went to culinary school, began teaching her twins to cut and chop foods at age three with child-safe knives.
I made charts for years to help them see their progress and earn rewards. They learned to do things like rake leaves, help Dad with the mowing, wash and dry dishes, load the dishwasher, help with baby sister by reading her a book or getting her some toys. And any work I did around the house included teaching my children to do it, knowing one day they would be adults whose lives would include all of this kind of work. (See printable chore charts at the end of this post.)
Get your copy of The Art of Parenting here!
At age 14 we increased our kids’ allowances so they could begin to budget and learn to buy their own clothes. We had many interesting conversations as personal preferences came out. Like the time our son decided he wanted the hottest new tennis shoes. It was more than his entire monthly allowance, but he saved and bought them two months later. But it meant no new anything else.At 12-14, we also gave them the responsibility of doing all their own laundry. After paying for a brand-new pair of expensive jeans with their own cash, they were much more careful when washing them!Their personal tastes also made them realize they needed extra income. This motivated them to get jobs babysitting or mowing lawns. I remember Dennis telling our teens, “You are becoming an adult and we are not responsible to satisfy your adult tastes.” Learning to stretch their dollars was valuable training for their futures.
Then we let them work for others. It’s important to learn how to answer to a boss. One of our sons worked at 16 for a small construction company and learned to do roofing in the hot southern sun. It was the summer he became a man.Most of my kids are teaching their own kids to work too. And they’ve lowered the age level for some of these jobs, like laundry! I say, “Way to go!”
May you bravely raise up your children to be hard workers who are dependable and responsible. Life will be easier for them if you do.
Printable Chore Chart (for boys)
Printable Chore Chart (for girls)
You might also want to read, “50 Character Qualities We Hoped to Teach Our Children.”
The post Using Chores to Teach Your Children the Value of Work appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
June 12, 2023
Lies You May Believe About God: “If I Do My Part, God Will Answer My Prayers”
As a new Christian, and a few years later as a new wife, I eagerly prayed for everything. God graciously allowed me to see answers in those early years of faith because He knew I needed to see some evidence. Little children need much encouragement.
Without fully realizing it, I developed a formula. In all the Scriptures about prayer, I thought, there had to be a key, a secret to unlock the power of God. I was living my life with a reasonable, logical assumption about the Christian life. Here was my plan:
Do my best.Follow the rules—especially the Bible’s rules.Pray.Wait for God to bless my work and my efforts.And I just knew that, even if I didn’t do things perfectly, God would still give me what I desired that was good. Early in my Christian life I memorized Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I reasoned: God knows my heart and I want HIs best, therefore He will give me the desires of my heart, aka answered prayers.
I believed a common lie, that prayer is how we convince God to work on our behalf.
Over the next two decades prayer became more confusing than anything else in my Christian life. I read many books on prayer. I went to Bible studies and we rarely missed church. I spent a season or two fasting. I formed two prayer groups for moms. And I prayed with persistence like the woman in Scripture who pestered the unrighteous judge (Luke 18:1-8).
But in all of this spiritual effort it seemed He was deaf or had closed His ears to my begging pleas because:
Still our granddaughter died.Still our prodigal left home and pursued a destructive lifestyle.Still our daughter was date-raped.Still our son is physically handicapped.Still my heart was faulty for 40 years.Still cancer came uninvited.In all this and more I have experienced deep pain that felt impossible to bear, more times than I ever imagined I would.
Over time I learned that God’s silence to some of my prayers was His reply. I don’t have to understand. His inspired words provided comfort, answers, and hope. Romans 1:17 tells us, “The righteous shall live by faith.” And Psalm 46:10 reminds us to “Be still, and know that I am God.”
When I wrote on this topic a few years ago, one reader sent me a quote by Oswald Chambers from his classic devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest. “If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God,” Chambers wrote. Have you felt that way? I sure have and Chambers is right. If our goal is checking off answers, adding up prayer victories, we are not seeking God for Himself, but for what He can do for us.
Oswald Chambers continues: “We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace.” God is not a vending machine but a Father who wants a personal relationship with us. And for that to happen we must become more like Jesus, surrendered to His will which makes us “trophies of His grace.”
Today in the face of a long list of unanswered prayers I find comfort in knowing my Jesus understands because while on earth He felt what I have felt.
At the Garden of Gethsemane, the perfect Son—who had never entertained even one sinful thought, who had perfect communion with God the Father, who obeyed God’s will completely—was troubled because He knew He would soon be arrested, tried, and crucified. He prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). He did this not once, but three times.
And God said nothing. NOTHING!
The answer was a silent no because God the Father had a higher good in mind.
And so He does with my life. Isaiah 55:9 tells me, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
If I had found a key to prayer I would have depended on the formula, not on my Father. My desire today is to listen and follow the Holy Spirit’s lead all day every day as Jesus did. Jesus said He did nothing on His own initiative. To be more like Jesus is my goal. It’s taking decades.
God wants a relationship with me. It’s a headshaking truth I still can’t get over. But I know it’s true.
A real relationship demands that both individuals know each other. He knows me but I must learn to know Him. And so all my life God has been showing me Himself, not at all in the ways I might have expected or wanted, but by refusing to adhere only to what I imagined Him to be, I have discovered a God who is incomprehensible but oh, so personal.
And the greatest delight is how I love Him and treasure Him. I don’t need answers for the issues in my life; I don’t need to know why. I have Him. Even in the hard things yet to come He will be with me. He will be my stability.
I hang on to these beautiful words I love from Habakkuk 3:17-18:
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
[Though] the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
[Though] the flock be cut off from the fold
And there be no herd in the stalls,
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
Habbakuk resolved to trust God and rejoice in knowing Him even if every crop should fail leading to economic catastrophe and famine. And he asks us today to do the same.
Prayer still remains a mystery to me and I imagine it always will. Even though it’s an enigma I still talk to God a lot, more than in my younger years. I’m learning to watch for hints of His orchestrating hand and I’m giving thanks in everything because I believe He knows and is intimately involved in every detail of my life, even when I can’t see it.
One day all things will be made new. All will be made right. There will be no more tears or sorrow or loss.
Until that day, God asks that I surrender all to Him and trust Him as I live in this broken world that He is working all things for good, even when I can’t see or understand how or why.
This world is not our home!
If this post helped you, you would also enjoy our new online video study titled, Cultivating Hope In Times of Hardship and Disappointment . This series, with five video messages and a free downloadable workbook, is a compilation of many of the lessons I’ve learned in my 50 years of following Jesus as His disciple.
In this study I explore:
The story from John 11 of Mary and Martha and their disappointment with Jesus after the death of their brother Lazarus.8 ways to nurture faith and hope in the dark times of life.Keeping hope alive.If you are curious to learn more I’d love for you to watch the video series and learn more about cultivating hope when you’re going through hardships and are disappointed in God. It’s available now !
The post Lies You May Believe About God: “If I Do My Part, God Will Answer My Prayers” first appeared on Ever Thine Home.
The post Lies You May Believe About God: “If I Do My Part, God Will Answer My Prayers” appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
Lies You May Believe About God: If I Do My Part, God Will Answer My Prayers
As a new Christian, and a few years later as a new wife, I eagerly prayed for everything. God graciously allowed me to see answers in those early years of faith because He knew I needed to see some evidence. Little children need much encouragement.
Without fully realizing it, I developed a formula. In all the Scriptures about prayer, I thought, there had to be a key, a secret to unlock the power of God. I was living my life with a reasonable, logical assumption about the Christian life. Here was my plan:
Do my best.Follow the rules—especially the Bible’s rules.Pray.Wait for God to bless my work and my efforts.And I just knew that, even if I didn’t do things perfectly, God would still give me what I desired that was good. Early in my Christian life I memorized Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I reasoned: God knows my heart and I want HIs best, therefore He will give me the desires of my heart, aka answered prayers.
I believed a common lie, that prayer is how we convince God to work on our behalf.
Over the next two decades prayer became more confusing than anything else in my Christian life. I read many books on prayer. I went to Bible studies and we rarely missed church. I spent a season or two fasting. I formed two prayer groups for moms. And I prayed with persistence like the woman in Scripture who pestered the unrighteous judge (Luke 18:1-8).
But in all of this spiritual effort it seemed He was deaf or had closed His ears to my begging pleas because:
Still our granddaughter died.Still our prodigal left home and pursued a destructive lifestyle.Still our daughter was date-raped.Still our son is physically handicapped.Still my heart was faulty for 40 years.Still cancer came uninvited.In all this and more I have experienced deep pain that felt impossible to bear, more times than I ever imagined I would.
Over time I learned that God’s silence to some of my prayers was His reply. I don’t have to understand. His inspired words provided comfort, answers, and hope. Romans 1:17 tells us, “The righteous shall live by faith.” And Psalm 46:10 reminds us to “Be still, and know that I am God.”
When I wrote on this topic a few years ago, one reader sent me a quote by Oswald Chambers from his classic devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest. “If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God,” Chambers wrote. Have you felt that way? I sure have and Chambers is right. If our goal is checking off answers, adding up prayer victories, we are not seeking God for Himself, but for what He can do for us.
Oswald Chambers continues: “We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace.” God is not a vending machine but a Father who wants a personal relationship with us. And for that to happen we must become more like Jesus, surrendered to His will which makes us “trophies of His grace.”
Today in the face of a long list of unanswered prayers I find comfort in knowing my Jesus understands because while on earth He felt what I have felt.
At the Garden of Gethsemane, the perfect Son—who had never entertained even one sinful thought, who had perfect communion with God the Father, who obeyed God’s will completely—was troubled because He knew He would soon be arrested, tried, and crucified. He prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). He did this not once, but three times.
And God said nothing. NOTHING!
The answer was a silent no because God the Father had a higher good in mind.
And so He does with my life. Isaiah 55:9 tells me, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
If I had found a key to prayer I would have depended on the formula, not on my Father. My desire today is to listen and follow the Holy Spirit’s lead all day every day as Jesus did. Jesus said He did nothing on His own initiative. To be more like Jesus is my goal. It’s taking decades.
God wants a relationship with me. It’s a headshaking truth I still can’t get over. But I know it’s true.
A real relationship demands that both individuals know each other. He knows me but I must learn to know Him. And so all my life God has been showing me Himself, not at all in the ways I might have expected or wanted, but by refusing to adhere only to what I imagined Him to be, I have discovered a God who is incomprehensible but oh, so personal.
And the greatest delight is how I love Him and treasure Him. I don’t need answers for the issues in my life; I don’t need to know why. I have Him. Even in the hard things yet to come He will be with me. He will be my stability.
I hang on to these beautiful words I love from Habakkuk 3:17-18:
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
[Though] the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
[Though] the flock be cut off from the fold
And there be no herd in the stalls,
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
Habbakuk resolved to trust God and rejoice in knowing Him even if every crop should fail leading to economic catastrophe and famine. And he asks us today to do the same.
Prayer still remains a mystery to me and I imagine it always will. Even though it’s an enigma I still talk to God a lot, more than in my younger years. I’m learning to watch for hints of His orchestrating hand and I’m giving thanks in everything because I believe He knows and is intimately involved in every detail of my life, even when I can’t see it.
One day all things will be made new. All will be made right. There will be no more tears or sorrow or loss.
Until that day, God asks that I surrender all to Him and trust Him as I live in this broken world that He is working all things for good, even when I can’t see or understand how or why.
This world is not our home!
If this post helped you, you would also enjoy our new online video study titled, Cultivating Hope In Times of Hardship and Disappointment . This series, with five video messages and a free downloadable workbook, is a compilation of many of the lessons I’ve learned in my 50 years of following Jesus as His disciple.
In this study I explore:
The story from John 11 of Mary and Martha and their disappointment with Jesus after the death of their brother Lazarus.8 ways to nurture faith and hope in the dark times of life.Keeping hope alive.If you are curious to learn more I’d love for you to watch the video series and learn more about cultivating hope when you’re going through hardships and are disappointed in God. It’s available now !
The post Lies You May Believe About God: If I Do My Part, God Will Answer My Prayers appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
June 5, 2023
Lies You May Believe About God: “God Never Causes ‘Bad Things’ to Happen to Us”
Did you grow up hearing fairy tales read to you? Or did you play pretend games imagining you were a hero or heroine? Did you remember wondering if the invisible, mysterious God you heard about in church was just another myth—or was actually real?
I loved fairy tales and make-believe stories as a child. There were hints of truth in all of them, and I especially loved the “happily ever after” endings because that is what I longed for one day—a safe, secure, predictable world.
But somehow those stories became woven into the concepts I learned about God in church. I developed, years later, what I began to call “fairy-tale theology.” From those childhood tales I began to imagine God as a benevolent grandfather who loved me and waited to reward my desire and effort to do things the right way.
In college, I was introduced to the concept of inviting Christ into my heart and I immediately knew it was what I’d always longed for: a confidence that I belonged to Him. As the gospel was explained to me it was all about how much God loved me and that He had a plan for my life. It was music to my ears. And one of the first verses I heard was a quote by Jesus Himself: “I came that they might have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Again I responded with an enthusiastic yes!
The problem was this promise of abundant life fit closely with my fairy-tale image of God as a benevolent grandfather and this assumption didn’t always line up with my real-world life. I couldn’t understand why I still experienced hardship. It didn’t seem to fit with my vision of this “abundant life.”
What about you? Have you too been confused about God and the way He works or doesn’t work?
I realize now that I believed a very common lie, that God never causes “bad things” to happen to us.
Many who believe in God assume He knows our hard world and knows we mean well. And like the fairy godmother in Cinderella, He wants to wave away our poor circumstances with His magic wand and show Himself miraculous. All with a happy ending, of course.
This issue touches on one of the most difficult theological questions in the Bible: the dilemma of a loving God who allows hard and painful things to happen, especially to those of us who, from our own perspectives, are trying to do right and be a good person. Delving into this question requires deep thinking and reading all of the Bible, not just select verses, to even begin to understand who Almighty God is and then to glean hints of why He allows difficulty, pain and loss. So let me focus on just one slice of this issue that I think is easier to grasp.
One night years ago my husband, Dennis, and I went out for a dinner date and left our youngest children, 15 and 14, with one simple instruction: Don’t watch TV and get your homework done. As I walked out the door I added a P.S.: “And if you finish your homework early, read a book. No TV.”
Pulling into the driveway several hours later, we saw the blue glow of the television screen through the window. To be sure we had the upper hand I stood in front of the window watching them glued to the screen while Dennis walked in the back door calling out, “We’re home!”
Instantly, they jumped into action, turned off the TV and hopped into chairs with books, like innocent angels.
“How was your evening?” Dennis asked
“It was great!”
“Watch any TV?”
“On no, Dad.”
“Ah … then I want you to look out that window and wave at your mom who was watching you before I came in the door.”
For one entire month, these two lost their media and friend privileges—no TV, no phones, no sleepovers. This was their penalty for boldly lying to us. From their perspective, our discipline was the worst—extreme and unfair! How could we do this to them? A whole month? None of their friends had parents so strict! They didn’t really mean to disobey, they said. Couldn’t we believe the best about them and give them grace?
But our decision stood because we valued their growing understanding of the nature of sin. If God hates lying—as He said He does in Proverbs 6:16-17, “There are six things the LORD hates, … haughty eyes, a lying tongue …”—then we as parents must also.
Our two teens thought we brought unnecessarily hard, painful circumstances into their lives. But as children, they couldn’t see our adult perspective—that our disciplinary actions were actually good and needed for their development in maturity.
A difficult passage
Just as we do with our children, God repeats Himself many times in the Bible to make sure we hear Him clearly. In chapter 45 of Isaiah, God repeats an authoritative phrase four times: “I am the Lord, there is no other.” God is reminding His children that He is their Maker and Creator and therefore that they owe Him respect and gratitude for all He’s given them as their Father. But what God saw in His children was idol worship and devotion to the popular beliefs of the day, instead of loyalty and gratitude to Him. And He knew they needed correction.
Also in the greater context of this chapter is the overall message God spoke through His prophet Isaiah. God was warning them as a concerned parent: If they continued to choose idol worship, practice injustice, and just go through the motions of “church,” then judgment or discipline would come. Why? Because Creator and Father knows their behavior needs to be corrected for their own well-being. The parenting reference is obvious.
Now the hard passage in this context. Isaiah 45:6-7 says, “I am the Lord, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these” (NASB).
“Creating calamity?” How do those words make you feel? When I first read this passage I was shocked and felt confused, even anxious and fearful. It didn’t fit with my “fairy-tale theology” image of God as my benevolent rescuer.
So what is “calamity”? Simply put, it is anything that upsets our personal world order, like the discipline we gave our teens. To them, it was a calamity.
God made us to have a personal, one-to-one relationship with Him and He will pursue us relentlessly to win us back. John Eldridge coined the phrase “a sacred romance” to describe the relationship God desires to have with us.
And when His children become obsessed with endless distractions, God sometimes “creates calamity” to help us see all the petty things we thought so important are not. He is sovereign and is always orchestrating situations with the good and loving purpose of calling men and women and children to Himself.
Just as parents discipline their children to help them grow into righteousness, God brings calamity—things we may consider “bad”—into our world in the form of godly discipline to make us more like Christ. The writer of Hebrews said it this way, “… God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?” And the author adds, “if you are without discipline … then you are illegitimate children and not sons.” (12:7-8).
Deep down inside our teens knew we loved them when we delivered our discipline to them. And so we who are Christ followers can know, not necessarily feel, God’s fatherly love when we too encounter hardship from His hand.
May you too know your Father loves you even when He sends calamity to your world. May you reject fairy tale theology and embrace the hard truths of Scripture. And as a result may you know Him as He is and love Him more.
You may wonder, “Does that mean everything hard and difficult in life is a discipline from God?”
Because this post is already long I’m going to answer this follow-up question in another post that we’ll make available to our paid subscribers on Substack. Why, you may ask?
In the past, all our online content was free because we were funded by product sales and donations. Since we retired from FamilyLife five years ago, Ever Thine Home has grown in impact and in size (we have a team of six, five of whom are part-time). And we’ve been trying to figure out how to “float this boat” God has given.
Last fall we decided to try a new platform called Substack which offered many benefits and also gave us the option to offer paid subscriptions as a way to supplement our donations. We launched in January and are still working to figure out the best combo of free content vs. paid content.
So the answer to this question, “So does that mean that everything hard and difficult in life is a discipline from God” will be available tomorrow to paid subscribers because it’s an extra post that supplements the first one which is free.
I hope that makes sense and helps you understand why our content is not all free. We think $5 a month for more food for your soul, which will nurture your life in Christ, is well worth it. Hope you agree and I’d love to hear from you if you read the bonus post on Substack tomorrow!
I’d love to hear what you think of this post. Just click on the comment button.
The post Lies You May Believe About God: “God Never Causes ‘Bad Things’ to Happen to Us” appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
May 22, 2023
Pentecost: The Forgotten Celebration
As you have probably noticed, holidays are important in my life and in the life of my family. I’ve invested a good amount of time to find creative and memorable ways to mark these annual faith-based days on the calendar because they have roots in the Bible’s story and therefore are important to our faith today.
In the Old Testament, God gave His people seven yearly feasts. These holidays anchored human interactions with God and His people over days set aside for celebration and for worship. God’s goal for His people was concentrated, intentional time to delight in Him, to remember His love and work on their behalf, and to stoke their relational fires with Him through memorable moments away from everyday demands.
God’s original feasts punctuated ordinary life with hours of significance and meaning. And some of our Christian celebrations echo the original Jewish feasts. For example, the Jewish holiday of Passover commemorates when Moses told the captive Jews to paint lamb’s blood over their door frames so that God would pass over their homes when Egypt was struck with the tenth plague—death of their firstborn children. Today, Christians celebrate Easter, when Jesus died so that God would “pass over” our sins. In fact, it was no coincidence that the death of Christ occurred on Passover; He was the sacrificial lamb of God.
The connections of Christmas with the original feasts is slim, though it does line up in some ways with the Feast of Hannukah. But I find it odd that one of the most important Christian celebrations of the year is barely mentioned in churches today: Pentecost. This was one of the three feasts which required travel to Jerusalem annually. The celebration foretold the coming of the Holy Spirit. This holiday commemorates the giving of the Holy Spirit to the apostles, Jesus’ disciples and to us. Acts 1:4 records:
And while staying with them he ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father, which, he said, “you heard from me; for John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.”
The apostles waited 10 days for this promise to be fulfilled:
When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance. Acts 2:1-4
Jesus dramatically fulfilled His promise when He sent His Spirit. When we receive Christ as our Lord and Savior, the Spirit comes to live within us and give us the power and guidance we need to walk with Christ. And the Spirit has been coming to indwell believers in Christ ever since. So why don’t we give thanks for the miraculous event of Pentecost?
In preparation for Pentecost this year on Sunday, May 28, here are some reasons why it is a wonder worth celebrating.
Having the Holy Spirit is better than having the physical person of Jesus! That may sound strange to say, but Jesus said, “Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you”(John 16:7). Jesus was confined to a body when He lived on earth. He could only be in a single place at a time. But the Spirit is in every believer in every place around the globe. Amazing!The Spirit will be “with us forever” (John 14:16). I am so grateful for this promise that He is always with me, whether on a flight that is disconcertingly bumpy, or when I’m feeling like “I can’t do this anymore,” or when I’m simply completing mundane, thankless tasks for the thousandth time. His ever-presence is a comfort.We can know His constant, gentle whisper. The Spirit continually, intimately reminds me of what Jesus taught. Jesus said, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you”(John 14:26). He loves to remind us of what Jesus said that is exactly what we need to hear.Like taking a trip to a national park where park rangers provide maps and guidebooks, so the Holy Spirit will guide us into His truth (John 16:13) throughout our unique, obstacle- and adventure-laden journey of life, if we will ask.Though there are many more reasons why the Holy Spirit came, but one of my favorites remains this: “the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26). There have been many times in my life when I have not known what to pray because I was bewildered or afraid or in pain. Yet in those times the Spirit was praying for me. What a Comforter is the Spirit who was given to us, sent to us from the throne room of God!
Will you join us in celebrating this underappreciated gift from the Father? Here are three ideas you can implement with your family:
Create a simple obstacle course in your living room or backyard. Blindfold each child one at a time and instruct them to find their way across the room or yard by listening to your voice calling directions. The blindfolded one has to listen carefully to your voice or he will trip or bump into things. Talk about how this is like listening to the Holy Spirit’s voice.To further illustrate this for the next person’s turn in the obstacle course have another family members call directions at the same time, which teaches a very practical lesson in learning to follow one voice as opposed to many other “voices” that might influence our lives.
Bedtime reading. Because most children love to delay bedtime by talking, take advantage of this by talking to them about the Holy Spirit. (Or read these in conjunction with your dinner or obstacle course.)At the last supper, Jesus prepared His disciples for what was to come. In that conversation He made several important promises, including several about the Spirit and what He came to do: John 14:16-17; John 14:26; John 16:7, 13-15. Read these passages to your children and ask them to make a list of what Jesus promised His Spirit will do. If you have older children and teens this can become a very in-depth and beneficial discussion as you find other verses beyond these three, learning together how vital is the Holy Spirit and His gracious work in our lives.
Teach the concept of being filled with God’s Spirit. Read Ephesians 5:17-19 and talk together about this command from Paul to everyone who is a Christian. What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? Why does God tell us to do this? How does being controlled by God’s Spirit make a difference in your life, or how should it make a difference? (For more information on the Holy Spirit, read “The Wonderful News of the Spirit-filled Life,” by Bill Bright.)
At Ever Thine Home our hope is to not only elevate Easter but also to call us as women who desire to make our homes His embassy to celebrate these holy holidays on the Christian calendar with our families and friends.
We hope that adding even one of these ideas to your Pentecost Sunday will help you appreciate the wonder of God residing within each of us who believe in Him.
May you enjoy Pentecost Sunday as you celebrate the miracle of God’s continual presence with us.
P.S. Watch for our new Bible study on the Holy Spirit coming out this fall!
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May 15, 2023
Happy Ascension Day! 4 Reasons This Critical Event Deserves a Celebration of its Own
This Thursday, May 18, 2023, marks 40 days since Resurrection Sunday. That historical moment is called Ascension Day, the day Jesus left the earth for heaven.
But for most followers of Christ, Ascension Day is uncelebrated, unnoticed, even unknown. As one reader told us, “I was not even aware of a celebration of Ascension Day until last year. Goodness! What an important day to observe and celebrate.”
We know the Easter story, but do we know the ascension story? For centuries too many have missed this critical event that deserves a bit of hoopla of its own—for at least four major reasons.
The ascension of Christ signals Jesus’ momentous completion of His Father’s will and work here on earth.
God always works precisely and intentionally, yet all that He did in those 40 days was not recorded. And don’t you wish we knew more of His work after the Resurrection?
We do know after the Resurrection that Jesus appeared many times to His followers. In that first week several appearances are recorded in the Gospel accounts. Then Paul records a list of others: “… He appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. Then He appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time …” (1 Corinthians 15:5-6). It is clear He demonstrated His deity to hundreds. I imagine everyone listened intently to His every word, knowing He had risen from the dead. Wouldn’t you?
We can be sure Jesus continued to fulfill the Father’s purposes in those 40 days by preparing His followers for the church age to come. Then on that 40th day He spoke His most important last words: “you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8). The baton was passed from His physical presence in a single location, a single body—to the Holy Spirit’s transforming presence in all believers from every tongue, tribe, and nation.
This command is often called the Great Commission. It’s the great responsibility of every believer to share the Good News of Jesus. When I was in college and learned about Jesus, I eagerly gave Him my heart and life. But I also learned almost in the next breath about the Great Commission, the opportunity that was now mine to be part of changing the world by introducing many to Him. It made sense … there were so many others just like me who didn’t know Him.
After college graduation I joined a ministry called Cru and have been part of a lifelong calling to make Him known. Just a couple weeks ago I traded texts with Jane, a woman who was one of my first disciples after God gave me the privilege of telling her how she could know Jesus. And she’s been walking with Him ever since. It’s been a great joy to watch her from afar making a big impact as the women’s ministry leader at her church.
Celebrating Ascension Day means celebrating the wonder of His call to use each of us in ways as amazing and significant as His first century disciples.
There is so much more to say about the Spirit and His coming at Pentecost. But for now we are planning to release a Bible study on the Holy Spirit soon! Understanding the person of the Spirit and His work in our lives is crucial so join us for this new study.
Most exciting for me personally, the Ascension signals the commencement of a future-filled promise. John 14:3 reads, “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to Myself; that where I am you may be also.”For over 40 years I’ve carefully decorated and redecorated my own home; therefore this idea of a place prepared for me—by Someone who knows the depths of me better than I do—fascinates me.Someone once said, “if He’s been gone two thousand years, what mansions must He be preparing for us for all those years, and He’s not finished yet!” It’s beyond my imagination. Still the simple hope of that beautiful glittering possibility reminds me to anticipate all that lies ahead with expectation and joy. The Ascension was simultaneously a striking ending and a marvelous beginning.
These four promises related to Ascension Day make me want to throw a party!
Remembering the benefits that are mine because of Ascension Day is a great encouragement to keep looking up because as the angels said to the disciples, “This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw Him go into heaven” (Acts 1:11).
Hebrews 12:1-2 tells us to “run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.” This fits perfectly with Ascension Day. Where should I be fixing my eyes? On Jesus. And where is He? Up! He is in heaven, so lifting my eyes to heaven, looking up, brings hope to my soul in these days of immense change in our world.
May you find a way to mark this day in your life. Read the story in Acts 1. Remind your family or friends about this day and what it means for you as a believer. And for six specific ways to celebrate with your family, click here.
Happy Ascension Day!
The post Happy Ascension Day! 4 Reasons This Critical Event Deserves a Celebration of its Own appeared first on Ever Thine Home.
May 8, 2023
3 Steps to Getting Along With Your Mother-in-law
All six of our children had adjustments and challenges with their in-laws. Everyone does. We did too.
My mother-in-law and I could not have been more different. It seemed we had nothing in common. Her favorite hobby was fishing. She loved watching golf on TV. Both activities were foreign and of zero interest to me.
And not only was her generation radically different, but my family of origin was nothing like hers, which was very poor and not college educated. But she had a sense of humor. The problem was I didn’t get it. What they all thought was hilarious I didn’t.
She was kind to me and I respected her and appreciated her good parenting, memory making and cooking. I never felt close to her and in hindsight much of the blame was on me. I had no idea how to bridge the many gaps, so I stayed safely on the fringes, asking no questions and letting my husband, her son, have all the attention.
In our situation we lived hours apart, which greatly limited expectations on both sides. But that isn’t the case for many. So when your new husband tells you something like, “We go to my parents for lunch every Sunday,” and you had no idea it was expected weekly with no end date ahead, that creates instant tension.
Because expectations are almost always unspoken, mistakes are common on both sides of this often-strained relationship. Here are three tips for getting along with your mother-in-law or father-in-law.
Don’t assume motives.As I wrote to the mothers-in-law in my post last week, I repeat to you daughters-in-law what I heard from a Christian counselor: “When we assume the motives of someone else, we are wrong most of the time.” It’s easy, for example, to feel like your mother-in-law is always taking your husband’s side in a conflict. It feels like she’s not actually trying to know you, that she’s merely working to fold you into her world rather than supporting you both.
There may be some truth to your gut feeling, but are you sure you are 100 percent correct in assuming your mother-in-law’s motives? If my counselor friend is right—and she has far more experience than I in coaching relationships—then you may have a few assumptions right but most are wrong.
Here is a truth about almost all women whose children are grown and between the ages of 50-60: They are in a season of lost identity. Her old job as mom and as the parent who knew everything about her kids and their lives has suddenly changed for good.
The loss is not just of kids, but of youth, parents and family members, a job or career, and of normalcy in marriage. Or perhaps your father-in-law recently retired and he’s driving her crazy. Or vice-versa! Because of these losses many mothers-in-law are experiencing an identity crisis. Many are depressed and lonely in this stage of life. This probably describes your new mother-in-law though she herself might be unaware.
The truth is that all mothers-in-law are broken. We humans are living in a fallen world, raising kids who are fallen including the one who you recently married. Sin does not stop in this life.
Making the situation more challenging is that some mothers-in-law are not believers or have never learned to understand grace and forgiveness. They are still living with a performance perspective, still trying to prove their worth … and now want you to prove your worth as well.
Or maybe your mother-in-law is of another faith, cultural, ethnic, or regional background. The two of you probably could not be more different. That in and of itself is a setup for misunderstanding. Personalities, histories, gifting, emotional balance, losses, and our individual stories all factor into this complex relationship.
Conclusion: What you see today is definitely not all there is. So don’t assign motives to your mother-in-law. You only know a thin slice of the whole truth. Courageously ask God to help you see her more clearly with His eyes and heart.
The most important quality you can own and grow for life is teachability. To recognize your inabilities and personal needs is the first step toward godly maturity in marriage and with your mother-in-law.
Failures, mistakes, and misunderstandings in relationships stop us in our tracks. We stall, assessing what went wrong, whose fault it was and what to do next. Difficulty and relational pain always present a fork in the road.
One road is labeled “I can do this.” Shame, personal self-ridicule, and anger become fuel which feeds a vow to redouble your efforts so the offense never happens again or never hurts you again.
The second road is labeled, “I can’t do this.” You feel the embarrassment of this failure while equally seeing clearly your inability to generate good toward this person. But instead of turning within to your personal task master, you take your whole self to God, the author of all relationships. Recognizing your lack of love, your inability to even be nice to this woman, is a very healthy place to be. It’s where you go with that knowledge that makes all the difference.
Being teachable means going to the power source of lasting life change. Many times in my life I have asked God to give me His love for others, even my husband, because I couldn’t produce love on my own. And there were times I didn’t want to love the person who’d offended me. Feeling justified that I was right felt much better in the moment. Augustine wrote, “Heal me of this lust of mine to always vindicate myself.” So true of me and you.
God has made it clear we are to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12). First you must make the decision to get along with your mother-in-law in spite of how you feel about her. He will help you find ways to honor her … to get along with her … if you chose the “I can’t do this on my own” road.
A word of caution: Choose your words carefully when you share your frustrations or anger at your mother-in-law with your husband. He has a natural and normal loyalty to her and may find it hard to reconcile his love for his mom and his love for you. Perhaps talking to someone older and wiser or a therapist first will give you language to use to help him understand you with grace and truth.
Conclusion: In the end, refusing to humbly go to God, refusing to ask for His transforming love, only adds bricks to an invisible wall between you and your mother-in-law or other relationships. And eventually these walls—built for protection—become a prison. Choose to be and remain teachable.
Trust in God.In the Old Testament we find the story of Ruth, who chose her mother-in-law over her own family and home. In Ruth I see a young woman who depended unreservedly on Someone greater than herself.
The story makes it clear that Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi, was not a happy person. Can you identify with having an unhappy mother-in-law? Naomi verbalized her outlook on life when she told her friends to call her Mara, which means bitter. Naomi’s life losses had produced a heart of deep disappointment, cynicism, and bitterness.
What makes Ruth a strong woman was not her personality but her absolute faith in the God of Israel to provide what she lacked. She knew Naomi was unpleasant and that she herself was an outsider to the family of God. But Ruth saw hope in God, her Redeemer, that surpassed any bitterness of her mother-in-law.
Do you think Ruth was exceptional? Did Ruth have strengths, gifts, or options you don’t have? No, she was just like you, but her faith in the unseen God was greater and more important than her mother-in-law’s unhappy attitude. Faith is what marked her as an exceptional praise-worthy woman.
Fix your eyes on Jesus, all of you who grit your teeth when with your mother-in-law. Ask God to give you His love and grace because yours simply is not enough and never will be.
Conclusion: If you choose God’s way of love above all else, you will make your life and the body of Christ more beautiful, just as Ruth’s faith made her “a woman of excellence” (Ruth 3:11), known by everyone in the city.
I pray this will be true of you too.
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