Barbara Rainey's Blog, page 24

“Can You Fix My Spouse?” (And Why That Prayer Doesn’t Work)

 

When Jodie Berndt asked if I would consider endorsing her new book , Praying the Scriptures for Your Life , I gladly agreed. Like Jodie, I appreciate the power of prayer—particularly as it shapes our friendships, our parenting, and our marriages.

One of the things I love about Jodie’s writing is her honesty. She doesn’t hold back, and any wife who’s ever asked God to change her man (or who’s gone down the nagging road in her own attempt to “fix” him) will relate to her story.

Welcome, Jodie. Thank you for helping us trust God to work in our marriages—and also in our own hearts. — Barbara

 

“The moment you marry someone,” writes Tim Keller, “you and your spouse begin to change in profound ways, and you can’t know ahead of time what those changes will be.”

My husband can vouch for the truth of Keller’s claim. “College Jodie” (the woman Robbie fell in love with) was very different from “Career Jodie” (the woman he married three months after graduation). And when “Wife Jodie” became “Wife and Mother Jodie,” she morphed yet again. I won’t go into the details of each subsequent transformation, other than to say that College Jodie was way more fun than any of the subsequent models.

And somewhere along the way—it was maybe a year into our post-nuptial bliss—“Nag Jodie” presented herself. Robbie wasn’t doing anything wrong per se. He just wasn’t doing all the things that my father had done (or he was doing them differently!), and the clash in our expectations about who did what in a marriage played itself out almost every night.

Sometimes my preferred communication style was sarcasm (“humor,” I told myself); sometimes I’d bang a few pots and pans to let Robbie know I needed help in the kitchen; sometimes I’d just clam up, thinking that my beloved should instinctively know what was wrong. (Looking back, that last approach—the one where I didn’t say anything—probably came as a balm to Robbie’s newlywed soul.) 

Not knowing what else to do, I turned to God.

“Can’t you fix Robbie?” I prayed. “I’m just as tired as he is when I get home from work every night, and I wish I didn’t have to keep asking him to pitch in.”

“Jodie,” I sensed God say, “it will be okay. If you will stop nagging Robbie and start trusting me, I can make him into a better husband than anything you could have asked for or imagined.”

I didn’t know then that God was quoting himself (the “more than all we ask or imagine” thing comes from Ephesians 3:20 NIV), but I agreed to back off. And that very night, Robbie came into the kitchen and offered to help me cook dinner.

I burst into tears. (Of joy—but poor Robbie didn’t know that. He probably wondered what else he’d done wrong.)

I wish I could say I stopped nagging forever (I didn’t), but I learned a lesson that day. I learned that we can’t change anyone. Yes, our spouses will change (and sometimes we’ll go through seasons in marriage where we need to figure out how to love someone who’s not at all like the person we married), but shaping another person is not our job.

It’s God’s. And God is always at work, Scripture says, taking our stony hearts and making them flesh, renewing our minds, and making us look more like him. (See, for instance, Ezekiel 36:26; Romans 12:2; and 2 Corinthians 3:18.)

We can’t change (or “fix”) anybody, but we can ask God to bless and protect our marriage partner—especially when we don’t feel particularly inclined to extend love out of our own reservoir. In fact, according to a Wall Street Journal report, “when people pray for the well-being of their spouse when they feel a negative emotion in the marriage, both partners—the one doing the praying and the one being prayed for—report greater relationship satisfaction.”

“Greater relationship satisfaction.”

That sounds very important and official. But let’s put it plainly, shall we?

If you’re annoyed with your spouse—they left the toilet seat up, they were late again, they did whatever—don’t get mad. Try praying for them instead.

It will make you both happier.

If you want to know more (and access more than a dozen specific prayers you can pray for things like kindness, forgiveness, and patience in marriage), check out the just-released Praying the Scriptures for Your Life.

Can’t wait to pray? Here’s one of my favorites you can use right now:

Heavenly Father,

In humility, let us value one another above ourselves, not looking to our own interests but to each other’s interests and well-being. ( Philippians 2:3-4 NIV )

Amen

JODIE BERNDT is the author of the bestselling Praying the Scriptures book series, including the brand-new Praying the Scriptures for Your Life. Jodie writes about prayer and other family topics on her blog at JodieBerndt.com and on Instagram. She and her husband, Robbie, have four adult children and live in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

 

The post “Can You Fix My Spouse?” (And Why That Prayer Doesn’t Work) appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

“Can You Fix My Spouse?” (and why that prayer doesn’t work)

 

When Jodie Berndt asked if I would consider endorsing her new book , Praying the Scriptures for Your Life , I gladly agreed. Like Jodie, I appreciate the power of prayer—particularly as it shapes our friendships, our parenting, and our marriages.

One of the things I love about Jodie’s writing is her honesty. She doesn’t hold back, and any wife who’s ever asked God to change her man (or who’s gone down the nagging road in her own attempt to “fix” him) will relate to her story.

Welcome, Jodie. Thank you for helping us trust God to work in our marriages—and also in our own hearts. — Barbara

 

“The moment you marry someone,” writes Tim Keller, “you and your spouse begin to change in profound ways, and you can’t know ahead of time what those changes will be.”

My husband can vouch for the truth of Keller’s claim. “College Jodie” (the woman Robbie fell in love with) was very different from “Career Jodie” (the woman he married three months after graduation). And when “Wife Jodie” became “Wife and Mother Jodie,” she morphed yet again. I won’t go into the details of each subsequent transformation, other than to say that College Jodie was way more fun than any of the subsequent models.

And somewhere along the way—it was maybe a year into our post-nuptial bliss—“Nag Jodie” presented herself. Robbie wasn’t doing anything wrong per se. He just wasn’t doing all the things that my father had done (or he was doing them differently!), and the clash in our expectations about who did what in a marriage played itself out almost every night.

Sometimes my preferred communication style was sarcasm (“humor,” I told myself); sometimes I’d bang a few pots and pans to let Robbie know I needed help in the kitchen; sometimes I’d just clam up, thinking that my beloved should instinctively know what was wrong. (Looking back, that last approach—the one where I didn’t say anything—probably came as a balm to Robbie’s newlywed soul.) 

Not knowing what else to do, I turned to God.

“Can’t you fix Robbie?” I prayed. “I’m just as tired as he is when I get home from work every night, and I wish I didn’t have to keep asking him to pitch in.”

“Jodie,” I sensed God say, “it will be okay. If you will stop nagging Robbie and start trusting me, I can make him into a better husband than anything you could have asked for or imagined.”

I didn’t know then that God was quoting himself (the “more than all we ask or imagine” thing comes from Ephesians 3:20 NIV), but I agreed to back off. And that very night, Robbie came into the kitchen and offered to help me cook dinner.

I burst into tears. (Of joy—but poor Robbie didn’t know that. He probably wondered what else he’d done wrong.)

I wish I could say I stopped nagging forever (I didn’t), but I learned a lesson that day. I learned that we can’t change anyone. Yes, our spouses will change (and sometimes we’ll go through seasons in marriage where we need to figure out how to love someone who’s not at all like the person we married), but shaping another person is not our job.

It’s God’s. And God is always at work, Scripture says, taking our stony hearts and making them flesh, renewing our minds, and making us look more like him. (See, for instance, Ezekiel 36:26; Romans 12:2; and 2 Corinthians 3:18.)

We can’t change (or “fix”) anybody, but we can ask God to bless and protect our marriage partner—especially when we don’t feel particularly inclined to extend love out of our own reservoir. In fact, according to a Wall Street Journal report, “when people pray for the well-being of their spouse when they feel a negative emotion in the marriage, both partners—the one doing the praying and the one being prayed for—report greater relationship satisfaction.”

“Greater relationship satisfaction.”

That sounds very important and official. But let’s put it plainly, shall we?

If you’re annoyed with your spouse—they left the toilet seat up, they were late again, they did whatever—don’t get mad. Try praying for them instead.

It will make you both happier.

If you want to know more (and access more than a dozen specific prayers you can pray for things like kindness, forgiveness, and patience in marriage), check out the just-released Praying the Scriptures for Your Life.

Can’t wait to pray? Here’s one of my favorites you can use right now:

Heavenly Father,

In humility, let us value one another above ourselves, not looking to our own interests but to each other’s interests and well-being. ( Philippians 2:3-4 NIV )

Amen

JODIE BERNDT is the author of the bestselling Praying the Scriptures book series, including the brand-new Praying the Scriptures for Your Life. Jodie writes about prayer and other family topics on her blog at JodieBerndt.com and on Instagram. She and her husband, Robbie, have four adult children and live in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

 

The post “Can You Fix My Spouse?” (and why that prayer doesn’t work) appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Surprised by George

 

Though he was not cloaked in a coarse brown friar’s habit, the old man’s short cropped grey hair, ancient spectacles, wide girth, and shuffling gait suggested otherwise to me. His ringless fingers created lilting music during two evening dinners at the quaint Vermont inn. Like our chef he, too, was eager to hear approval of his offerings.

“Amazing Grace” brought a polite applause from Dennis and me. After several other songs, our pianist slowly walked to our table to greet his appreciative audience. He humbly received our gratitude and introduced himself as George. He had heard from a friend of ours, also staying at the inn, that I was an artist who had made some crosses. He was quite curious about my work.

After a simple explanation of His Savior Names ornaments, he shared that he too loved Christmas and Easter; he was a collector of nativities and gilded eggs from around the world.  Though his eyes gleamed as he talked, his lightly accented speech was barely audible.  My husband and I strained to hear enough to comprehend his unfolding story.

When I asked about his studies, he told us he had studied in Rome and Israel.  I understood the words “theology” and “art” in his reply. Then he told of a sterling silver enameled egg he found in New York City. Like the man in Jesus’ parable about the kingdom of heaven who sold all he had to buy the pearl of great price, George saved for three years to purchase this exquisite egg for his collection.

He asked if we would we be in town the next day, for he would be delighted to show us his collections. Sadly we were departing. He was truly disappointed. As he walked away to return to his piano I marveled at the wonder of this man, living at the end of his life in a town of 600 souls, his story a repository of experiences perhaps as remarkable as Louis Zamperini.

Later in the evening he asked if he could play us a medley of songs to which we agreed.  “Holy, Holy, Holy,” “How Great Thou Art” and other hymns we didn’t recognize filled the air with their gentle, beautiful notes.

Our dinner complete, we stopped to speak to George on our way out.  Another softly spoken story began as an explanation of the music we hadn’t recognized. We caught glimpses of his childhood as a French Canadian, one of eight children. In the fifth grade, George was the soloist in his church. His music teacher said his voice was like an angel’s.

He began to sing in French and play simple tunes long stored in his memory from childhood. When I asked for a translation, he replied, “They are for the children, ‘Jesu, Jesu, etre avec moi.’”

As we finally pulled away from the lonely old man, we felt as though we had been with a treasure. What other life experiences were stored within? A man made in the image of God, though clouded by recent strokes and the gravity of age. Still we glimpsed God’s glory in George. His passion for music and art and beauty shone brightly. And like all of us, he drank in our affirmation and brief relationship. It was healing medicine for his soul, but we were the ones in awe of this humble jewel of God’s making.

Before we left the inn the next day we asked our hostess more about George and learned he still traveled to Prague every year, by invitation, to perform a solo concert. Another surprise about the unassuming pianist.

I sent George a gift of crosses from the Ever Thine Home collection. And I prayed that, as he read the stories about each name of Jesus, he would know the One who formed him long ago with such beautiful talents.

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Friends & Family Fridays #5

Hey Everyone!

Summer is here and masks are going away! 

May has been full. I had an email to all of you started earlier this month and then three days ago I wrote another email. And now I’m changing it again. So much for planning ahead. God rules!

Dennis and I appreciate your friendship and need your prayers right now.  I hope to be able to explain in the future. 

If you would pray for us we would be so very grateful. We need lots of wisdom. We need strength, courage and stamina. 

I have learned a LOT about suffering in my life. It’s one of my life messages that I hope to write about one day. 

Today I want to share a few highlights and photos from this month that contained lots of family time.  

First, the month began with five of my girls here for a weekend. As I wrote in April my goals were to serve these young moms who needed a break from being on duty 24/7 and to listen, grateful to be in their presence. And that is what I did.

I also shared some verses with them that have encouraged me this spring. I’m including them for you because even today my heart needed them. Knowing God is with me, for us, holding our hands, and working in unseen ways is very comforting.

“He rescued me, because He delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19

“ … the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him.” Psalm 139:11

“The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous … “ Psalm 34:15

“ … I am continually with You; You hold my right hand.” Psalm 73:23

“ … the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.” Psalm 103:13

Here too are a few photos from that weekend.

The next family event was a graduation. We went to Dallas where Dennis had board meetings with Dallas Theological Seminary and our son-in-law, Michael Escue, graduated in the class of 2021. We were there with his sons and his wife, our daughter Ashley. We so admire Michael for this remarkable accomplishment. He did all his classes online while maintaining a medical practice, being a father to seven sons and wife to Ashley, and being very involved in their church. 

And then this past weekend we attended graduation for our grandson Peterson Rainey. We also attended his sister’s soccer game and then his soccer game to qualify for the state soccer tournament. Peterson’s team won on Saturday and then again on Tuesday and Wednesday so they are now playing in the finals for the championship today, Friday. It was so fun to cheer for his team as they won those qualifying matches.

 

Thanks to all of you my friends for your encouragement. I will be taking a break from new blogging for a while, though I may send a personal email like this again in June. Dennis and I need to rest, regroup and have extended time to think and listen and hear from God. 

The last three and a half years have been really challenging for us. I’ve had multiple long-lasting health problems. We’ve suffered many losses including my mom’s death.  

So it’s time for a pause, a retreat as in battle when troops pull back to regroup before moving forward again into the fray. 

Over the summer we have several guest posts already lined up for June and July featuring some books I’m recommending. We will be sharing some of the best-of-the-best posts from the last few years. Many of you are new subscribers so these posts will be new to you. 

Have a great summer and keep growing in Jesus. 

He is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

He is the stability of our times. 

He is the Alpha and Omega. 

He will make all things new. 

He is coming again!!!! 

Maranatha, Come quickly Lord Jesus!

Amen and Amen.

 

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The Delight of Reading with Your Kids + What’s in My Mimi Bag!

“Now I will go and find my mother!” he said. “Are you my mother?” he said to the kitten. “Are you my mother?” he said to the hen?”

Ah, the familiarity and comfort of bedtime stories.

While I have given many of our shelves full of children’s books to our kids to read to their own, I kept some of my favorites to populate my travel bag for reading to my grands when we go visit. I love reading some of my favorites like Goodnight Moon or Blueberries for Sal to my grandchildren. (See the lists below to find out what’s currently in my Mimi bag!)

Reading a good book with a child nuzzled underneath your neck is magical. Little ones help turn pages while older ones correct you if the adult reading misses even one word. Cuddling such innocence creates a bond as the wonder of imagination and discovery is sparked by words, hand-drawn illustrations, and creative story lines.

As Gladys Hunt puts it in one of my favorite books about reading to children, Honey for a Child’s Heart, “Children don’t stumble onto good books by themselves; they must be introduced to the wonder of words put together in such a way that they spin out pure joy and magic.”

The importance of a good book

Being intentional is a parent’s job. We intentionally plan healthy meals, choose the best school, church, and play activities for our children’s growth. Selecting and reading the best books is equally important.

Good books spark imagination and creativity. They teach, guide, and model virtues and excellence in wise living. Proverbs describes good words this way: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). What a delightful, happy parenting task reading is.

One of my favorite parenting memories is the year we read all of the Little House on the Prairie books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Most afternoons I put my two littlest ones down for naps and the four big kids and I piled on the couch. Rebecca nestled on my lap; the others leaned in with heads on shoulders, legs folded snuggly into couch cushions.

Every time we ended a chapter, they begged for just one more. I often agreed because I loved reading these remarkable stories as much as my kids enjoyed hearing them. We laughed and cried together. And we bonded in those hours.

The overwhelming majority of that mommy season of my life was filled with the hard work of meals, laundry, discipline, training, and endless messes to clean up. But our afternoons of reading were pure pleasure. They were an escape for all of us into another time and another world. Our souls were fed together.

Never too old

Reading magic isn’t over once your child is too big to climb up on your knees. When my youngest two were teens I sat with them against their twin bed headboards and read The Hiding Place to them, a chapter every night.

This book prompted discussions about all kinds of big ideas because of the characters and messages that were presented in the story. I didn’t have to ask, “So what do you think about trusting God when it feels unfair and hard?” They got to watch and feel and hear and see a real person live out her faith when it felt impossible.

All thanks to a well-told story, kept alive in the pages of a book.

The right kind of books can give us the experience of words, which have power to evoke emotion and a sense of spiritual conviction. Well-written books will reinforce the values and morals you want to impart to your children. They help you parent.

A good book “introduces us to people and places we wouldn’t ordinarily know. A good book is a magic gateway into a wider world of wonder, beauty, delight, and adventure,” Hunt says.

And don’t forget audio books. For many summers on our annual road trips to see grandparents we listened to The Chronicles of Narnia as a family as we rode in the car for hours on end. Time went by more quickly and we had far fewer squabbles to settle because everyone was absorbed in the adventures of Peter, Susan, Edmond, and Lucy.

So summer is here. Your kids will be home. You have the gift of precious extra hours together. 

Here are some timeless and some new age-appropriate recommended books to get your family started on a summer of reading memories.

 

Books for children 2-6

Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown 

The Tale of Peter Rabbit and other Beatrix Potter books

Mother Goose nursery rhymes

Blueberries for Sal and Make Way for Ducklings, by Robert McCloskey

The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Seuss

Madeline books by Ludwig Bemelmans

A Child’s Garden of Verses (poems and rhymes) by Robert Louis Stevenson

Alexander and the Terrible ,Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (4-7+), by Judith Viorst

Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel

Baby Believer books (board books) by Catechesis Books

 

Ages 7-12

Dr. Seuss books (the more advanced reading levels)

Amelia Bedelia books by Peggy Parish

Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder

Charlotte’s Web, The Trumpeter Swan, and Stuart Little, by E.B. White

The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Princess and the Goblin and The Princess and Curdie, by George MacDonald

The Chronicles of Narnia series (wonderful as audio books too), by C.S. Lewis

A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeline L’Engle

Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates, by Hans Christian Andersen

Jonah and Esther, illustrated by Kurt Mitchell (the story straight Scripture)

Ages 13-17 and adults

The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings series, by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom

Anne of Green Gables, by Lucy Maud Montgomery (the 1985 TV series is also good)

God’s Smuggler, by Brother Andrew

Byzantium, by Stephen Lawhead

Nicholas and Alexandra, by Robert Massie

The Giver (15-17), by Lois Lowry

Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott 

The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak

Percy Jackson series, by Rick Riordan

The Inheritance Cycle (a series of 4 books) by Christopher Paolini and the Wingfeather Saga (a series of 4 books) by Andrew Peterson. My book worm grandsons recommended these and I read them as they were and it gave us a common interest and topic of conversation. The books are outstanding. 

 

In my Mimi book bag right now

Noah’s Ark and The Lion and the Mouse, both by Jerry Pinkney and illustrated by Laura Huliska-Beith. Both books are winners of the Caldecott award medal for outstanding art. Lincoln is 2½ and he loves these two books.

Burnie’s Hill, illustrated by Erik Blegvad. A repetitive rhyme from the north of England and Scotland. I bought it in England decades ago for my kids. I love the happy feel of the lyrics and the beautiful watercolors.

The Winter Picnic, by Robert Welber

Happy Winter, by Karen Gundersheimer

A Child’s Garden of Verses by Robert Lewis Stevenson. This is in my bag to read with Rainey, who is 8 and loves poems and rhyming stories as much as I do. 

 

Happy reading everyone!

 

 

For more ideas, order Gladys Hunt’s book, Honey for a Child’s Heart or the version for teens, Honey for a Teen’s Heart. And check out your local library for incentives they may offer, carefully guiding your child’s book selections. Not all books are good books.

 

 

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The Future of Ever Thine Home

First, I want to say welcome to all of you who are new subscribers! Thanks for joining us in this quest to experience God more in our lives and in our homes.

Second, I’m delighted to share with you what’s ahead for Ever Thine Home and me, and I hope for you too! 

Though the closing of the online store has had moments of sadness over the last year since I made the decision, I’m now truly excited to be moving on to a new chapter in this ministry God has clearly given. Discovering more of what He has in store is always a grand adventure.

What will remain unchanged is this: Ever Thine Home has always been about sharing God’s truth and encouraging one another in our faith journeys. 

In the early years our products were mostly focused on teaching the Bible and sharing your faith with your children and family. While that will continue in a new venue (see below #1), I’m hopeful that in the years ahead we will broaden our vision to share what we are learning with your extended family, neighbors, friends, and even those we don’t know well through new opportunities.

Here are a few changes to watch for:

Our store. While our online store with physical products will go away we are working to convert many of our products and content to digital formats and DIY templates to offer to our faithful customers via an Etsy store. 

A friend challenged me several years ago to create a greeting card collection and we were never able to do it … so now is the time! We’ve now created two greeting cards already in the store; one for Mother’s Day and one for Father’s Day. Lots of other ideas are on the drawing board! Here is the link to the new Etsy store.

 

Our blog. I’ll continue to write and post content on all the topics you’ve come to expect: marriage, parenting, family relationships, holidays, celebrations, and “Dear Barbara” topics. But I’m excited to write more on topics of faith as I continue to study the Scriptures and freshly encounter God and what He has to say about issues you and I face today. Some additional study opportunities are waiting and I’m hopeful God will provide a way for me to pursue these. Stay tuned on this!

 

E-books. I love this idea my friend Jordan proposed to me. She and I will be developing these in a fun new format! We will be creating and sending to all of you at least two e-books during the remainder of 2021. The books will be relatively short for quicker reading and easier sharing with all the women in your life!

 

Bible studies. Writing Bible studies has not been on my radar in the last ten years, but it’s another idea that will help you, your family, and your friends live out your faith with convictions. I’m hopeful about the idea and eager to give it a try. I have a series of blog posts on the Holy Spirit that may be the first body of content transformed into a study for you to work through personally or to lead with other women. What do you think? I’d love to hear from you.

 

As these are rolled out, I’ll be asking you for feedback on their effectiveness and for future topics that you’d like me to go to work on.

As you can see I am very expectant about this new chapter in my life and in our relationship as sisters in Christ. As I look to the future there is one non-negotiable that will never go away for me or for us as believers: Knowing God’s Word and as a result knowing God more and more.

Why is this more important than ever?

It is very clear in the Bible that Jesus is coming back. I’m reading a couple of textbooks on this topic right now. Though there is considerable debate on the details and meaning of the Scriptures related to this promise, Jesus words were quite clear: “I go to prepare a place for you …  I will come again and will take you to myself …” (John 14:2-3). 

Jesus also told us plainly to “be on the alert” and to “watch” in Matthew. He concluded a portion of His teaching by saying, “Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect” (Matthew 24:44). 

I want to be ready and expectant when He arrives and be surrounded by as many of those I love as possible as we meet Him on that day!

I want that for you too.

Pray for me and our small team here at Ever Thine Home that we will continue to love God and share His Word with the world in relevant ways. It’s needed now more than ever.

Ever His,

Barbara

 

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My Life with Elisabeth Elliot, a Mentor Worth Following

A couple of weeks ago I had the great privilege to meet a New York Times best-selling author. While I was in Washington, D.C., for a board meeting, Ellen Vaughn met my friend Susan Yates and I for lunch, bringing with her the journal Elisabeth Elliot kept for the too-few years of her marriage to Jim. 

The journal was small, black and thin. Holding it in my hands and reading some of the entries felt almost holy. I didn’t know of this woman who would mark my life when she recorded these entries. Neither did the world. But when her marriage ended as a spear sliced its way into and through her young missionary husband’s heart, her life as a celebrity Christian began.

I first encountered Elisabeth Elliot during my college years, not knowing she would become my mentor about 15 years later. 

At the start of my sophomore year a friend invited me to a Bible study. I’d never heard of the concept but I was intrigued. The next night found Pam and me in a group of about 25 other students, men and women, where I discovered to my surprise that I was not a Christian. Eagerly I took the small booklet given to me, returned to my room, read every word and prayed to invite Jesus into my life, to give myself to His leading and Lordship. 

My declared major in college was history, but I now had a minor: Christianity. Over the next three years I attended Bible studies, group meetings, and conferences, eventually becoming a leader in our campus ministry. Those years became known as the Jesus Movement; it was a time of spiritual revival on many campuses and in churches across our country.

At one of those early conferences I first heard Elisabeth Elliot speak. Voraciously I took notes. I was in awe of her story but mostly I was drawn to her life, her example, her strength of faith. There were lots of other students and staff ahead of me in this faith journey, but none of the stature of Elisabeth. Here was a woman of faith I could emulate. I was zealous for Christ. I wanted a strong faith like hers. I wanted to be a strong woman like her. 

She gave me a vision for my new born-again faith.  Elisabeth was the kind of Christian woman I aspired to become. 

I began to read her books, and whenever I heard her speak I listened with rapt attention. 

After four short years of knowing Jesus as Savior I became the wife of my best friend from college, Dennis.  And then the babies began to arrive. In my early parenting years I often felt lost and very alone as my exciting, visionary husband traveled frequently to change the world while all I did was change diapers. I remembered those exciting college days when he and I were equally involved. But now conferences and Bible studies disappeared from my life for a season of years … replaced by books and a subscription to a printed newsletter which came to my mailbox somewhat regularly. Its creator and author was Elisabeth Elliot.

Today I remember vividly the days her four-page folded newsletter arrived in our mailbox. It was as if a treasured gift arrived  (I still have all of them in a fat 3-inch binder). I carried each installment home down our long hilly driveway, strategizing when I could steal away to read. Alone. My soul was always thirsty—panting to drink in the refreshment of her biblical teaching. 

Elisabeth was my mentor from afar during these years. She kept me grounded, reminding me that this season was a gift, that He knows what He’s doing. “God is with you,” I heard her say to my heart; He was guiding me, and my faith still mattered in that hidden season of my life.

In my kids’ teen years I devoured other books she wrote. Let Me Be a Woman and Passion and Purity became textbooks for Dennis and me as we sought to do our best to guide, protect, and help our kids keep their sexual purity for marriage. 

As a child of the late 60’s and the budding sexual revolution, and having watched its unrelenting march with the damage it brought even then, I wanted to do all I could to protect our teens’ innocence and purity. Hearing in the last few years that millennials are pushing back against our generation of parents for imposing a “purity culture” on them has been puzzling to me. Purity is a character quality of God and we are to be holy as He is holy. I would do it all over again. We have an enemy whose sole objective is to divide, destroy, and kill.

After knowing Elisabeth from her writing and speaking, I finally met her in person during this season of my kids’ teen years. She came to Little Rock to be interviewed on FamilyLife Today and she also came to our Weekend to Remember speaker retreats to speak to our group and answer questions in small sessions. 

For 25 years I’d admired her and was challenged by her courage to go to the jungles of Ecuador, her courage to continue after her husband Jim’s death, her courage to speak about her suffering and what God taught her, and her courage to just keep going day after day, year after year. 

Unsurprisingly Elisabeth was a normal woman with struggles and challenges faced by all. As in her writing so in the flesh, her ongoing surrender to the sovereignty of God, her resolve to obey Christ no matter what, is what meant the most to me. 

In one interview Dennis asked her, “Do you ever struggle with submission in this season of life?” She replied without hesitation, “With every fiber of my being.”  Once again she was mentoring me.

And she laughed and enjoyed the light-hearted banter my husband created in their interviews. He is rarely intimidated by anyone—he recognizes we are all broken people—and so he teased her, encouraged her laughter and made her comfortable sharing honestly about her present life. 

 Unlike many who have taken offense by Elisabeth’s seemingly sharp replies, I loved her bluntness, her black and white straightforward answers. She was not of this generation which fears offending anyone. It was clear where she stood. And I have a feeling Paul and the other apostles might come across equally strong if we could hear their voices speaking today.

Last summer I read her new book, Suffering Is Never for Nothing, published after her death in 2015. And once again Elisabeth spoke to my heart and soul. I could almost hear her voice on every page. Even from heaven she is mentoring me.

Hebrews 12:1-2 tells us, “Therefore since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus …” Elisabeth has joined this throng of faith heroes and yet her words still live with us to encourage us to faith and endurance. 

And now my new friend Ellen Vaughn’s biography, Becoming Elisabeth Elliot, will introduce many more of you to this remarkable woman. In this book full of quotes from her journals and stories of her ongoing sufferings, Christian women today can find in her life a friend, an inspiration, a vision for the kind of faith God calls us to as His children.

Another woman admired greatly and also quoted by Elisabeth, Lilias Trotter, wrote, “Should Jesus tarry our works will follow us.” And so the work of this woman, my mentor from afar, still lives to point us to Jesus.

I highly recommend it for your summer reading.

May you ask God what you can learn from her example. I think she’d love to mentor you too.

The post My Life with Elisabeth Elliot, a Mentor Worth Following appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

6 Easy Ideas for an Ascension Day Celebration

 

Have you thought about doing something special for this overlooked day in the church calendar? Ascension Day is Thursday, May 13 this year.  

You probably haven’t planned anything because it’s not a popular holiday. But it was a remarkable memorable moment for the disciples as they watched Jesus ascend into Heaven. Can you imagine what that was like? There is much for us to learn about this event, so here are some simple ways to observe this day and learn more about our Savior and His return! 

 

Mom’s need easy. This list is intended to be simple and helpful if you want to join us in celebrating Ascension Day this year. No pressure, don’t stress; just six quick ideas. And they are all multiple choice! Only choose one.

A dinnertime idea. Historically, Ascension Day has been a feast day in the church. Consider making something special for dinner to surprise your family. Or create an easy pavlova, meringues, or another cloud-like dessert to celebrate the Ascension—and how Jesus will return. Here are a few verses to read as a family so everyone can participate in learning more and talking together about this significant event: Mark 16:19: According to this verse, where is Jesus? Who is He near and why is that important to us?Hebrews 7:25: What does this tell us Jesus is doing now in heaven? John 14:1-3: What else is Jesus doing? Talk about what kind of places and rooms these might be. A bedtime idea. For bedtime conversation (or any time that day) ask your kids to imagine what it must have been like to watch Jesus rise off the ground, into the air and then disappear in a cloud. Read Acts 1:6-9 together to hear what actually happened. 

 

An outside idea. If it’s not raining go outside, throw a quilt or blanket on the ground, and tell everyone to lay on their backs to look up at the sky and clouds together. Read Acts 1:11, then together imagine Jesus returning on one of the fluffiest clouds you can see. I bet some kids will try to see Him! 

An inside idea. Or if weather doesn’t permit, read the same verse and then have your kids, even teens, draw and color pictures of what they imagine they will see when Jesus returns on the clouds! Hang all the drawings in your kitchen or another prominent place for visual reminders in the days to come that He promised to return. And one day He will!

 

A teens idea. With older kids try to discuss how our lives should be different because Jesus was here with us. Ask them what they imagine it was like for the disciples after the Resurrection. Did they live as if Jesus had never come? What evidences should be obvious to us and to others that He once lived among us and is forever present with us? He promised His presence in Matthew 28:20: “Lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Jesus is closer to us every moment of every day than any other human can ever be!

 

A family idea. Buy some helium biodegradable balloons for the special day. Enjoy their happy presence all day. Then in late afternoon or early evening before the sun sets, take the balloons outside, read the story of Jesus’ ascension in Acts 1:6-11, write a note or message to Jesus on your balloon and then together release them. Watch them disappear into the sky and imagine His disciples watching Jesus ascend to Heaven.

I hope these suggestions are inspiring and that you’ll want to try one with your family. Ascension Day is worth marking in our lives in a celebratory way!

We’d love to hear any stories and see photos of how you celebrated with your family! 

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Looking Forward to the Real Mother’s Day

My first memories of Mother’s Day are sitting in church as a child while the minister recognized all the mothers. I remember them standing in recognition of their day, each mother wearing a corsage. It was a tradition in that generation and somehow the men knew it was part of their jobs to provide the corsages for Mother’s Day Sunday.

By the time I became a mother, corsages had vanished, but recognition in church on Sunday morning remained. In my early mom years, I felt funny standing in church … as if that role still belonged only to my mother and not to me. After God had given us three or four kids, I was firmly convinced of my new identity!

It’s an interesting metamorphosis, the rapid changes that make a woman a mother. As my daughter Ashley said during her fourth pregnancy, “I don’t know what happened to the old Ashley. She got lost somewhere along the way.” I bet you can relate too. “Mother” was who I’d become and now who my daughter had become. The vestiges of the former were now to be found only in photo albums.

Mother’s Day was usually a disappointment to me. 

The inherent promise and expectation in a day set aside to honor mothers was never met. It’s not that my husband didn’t try. He bought me something, usually a rose bush or another plant for the yard, which he knew I liked. And my kids made me sweet cards or crayoned pictures in Sunday school. They all said, “Happy Mother’s Day” and showered me with kisses and hugs. Until they needed their lunch cut up and afternoon naps. Squabbles to resolve and needs to be met did not stop on Mother’s Day.

The kind of honor I longed for and needed in those harried years of selfless, endless labor was not to be found on the second Sunday in May. Not that I’m against a day to honor mothers. Hardly. But being truly appreciated for the enormity of service to your children is not possible from children.

What I longed for was a day free from sibling rivalry and a simple, genuine, “Thanks, Mom” that was unprompted by my husband or the Sunday school teacher. In hindsight, I now understand what I longed for is only possible when your children become adults and finally parents. Then they begin to get it! And my dream of a day free from conflict was a wish for heaven.

Mothering is a ministry to the future.

It’s a very private, unseen, except by God, ministry. Like a long-term 20-year investment in which you cannot withdraw any of your money until those 20 years are up, you teach and pray and give of yourself endlessly not knowing if the work is taking root firmly until many years future. And the results aren’t always evident at 18 or 20 years.

Interestingly, it’s only now, when my children are grown, that I really appreciate my own mother. And even so, I really have no idea what sacrifices and worries and suffering she endured for me and my brothers. And now that she has gone to her forever home in heaven I miss asking her questions about so many topics, especially about her life and her faith.

But God knows all my mom suffered raising me and He knows all the pain and hardship of every mom everywhere. And one day … He will give all moms, in spite of our mistakes, ultimate honor when He says one day, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Until that day …

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

to all who are in the trenches of that holy and mostly thankless job. I celebrate and honor you knowing well the price you pay, the sacrifices you make, the prayers you offer in secret and the loneliness you so often feel. 

May your focus be on the honor you will receive on His day and may you raise your children to walk closely with Jesus all of their days.

 

And remember, as I so often forgot in the daily-ness of life, that 

a mother’s job is laborious not because it is small and insignificant, but because 

it is gigantic and eternally important.

Mothering is the most important calling on a woman’s life if He’s given you the privilege of being a mom. And if you don’t have children God still wants to use the mothering gifts He has given you as you nurture other children through your life: teaching or coaching them at school, church, in lessons of all kinds; or in relationships as their aunt or big sister; or through your gift of writing or painting or creating which can in turn touch the lives of the next generation.

ALL Mothers can indeed change the world!

 Sending my love to all you dear moms!

 

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Friends & Family Fridays #4

Happy Spring everyone!

As this letter lands in your inbox today I will be welcoming my “girls” for the weekend. Dennis is out of town speaking at a men’s event in Minneapolis and I invited my four daughters and two daughters-in-law for a weekend of relaxing and pampering without husbands or kids! It will be short but I’d rather have them wish for more than feel it was too long. Then they may be eager to come again!

Five are coming and our one goal is to do a lot of nothing except lounging in pj’s, sleeping in if possible (we will have Laura’s baby, Emma Cate, who will be delightful entertainment), eating yummy food and favorite snacks and telling stories and laughing. 

I’ve made the beds with the best sheets, bought little gifts and fresh flowers for them all, written nightly devotions for them to read before lights out and have planned a few simple but elegant meals. The weather is supposed to be perfect and my peonies are blooming so I’ll have bouquets of my favorite flowers on the coffee table and the island. 

We may go for a leisurely walk or some may choose to hike Pinnacle Mountain which is two miles from our house. No matter how the hours unfold I’ll be here to listen, delight in their presence, and serve them in every way I can. And I can’t wait! I’ll be posting photos on Instagram, so watch for them there.

Here are a few from the “prep” work earlier this week.

An insight from God this month on the redemptive power of creating.

The story is too long to tell in the detail it deserves so I’m planning to write a post on it at some point later this year. But I wanted to share with you something God showed me about myself that I think is true about all of us created-in-His-image children.

Earlier this month after hearing some unexpected difficult news unfold in a conversation of several hours Dennis and I both got up at its conclusion and went outside. I grabbed my work gloves, clippers, kneeling pad and hat and walked to our backyard to resume work repairing a pathway that had deteriorated from the effects of our sometimes-harsh weather. 

I walked outside feeling hopeless and helpless because there was nothing I could do to change this situation. But in God’s undeserved kindness, His Holy Spirit gave me an insight, an awareness, an understanding as I began to dig and move rocks and make sense out of this small backyard mess. I saw with clarity my desire to create order and beauty as a response to the chaos and broken I had just heard was a picture of what God did at Creation and does all the time in the hearts of men and women. 

In Genesis 1:2, “The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God hovered over the face of the waters.” Out of those conditions of shapelessness, disorder, emptiness and perhaps loss and even sadness God began to redeem the nothingness into a place of light and life and beauty. 

That afternoon as I knelt on the ground, so symbolic of prayer and in a sense a posture of humility before God, I moved and leveled rocks, ordering and making them safe for walking again. And in a God-like way I was digging in the dirt with my hands, using this earth, this clay and mud, to secure the rock steps and mold new life into this pathway.

After an hour of silently creating outside in the fresh spring air I felt surprisingly refreshed, alive, hopeful again. The discouraging and deflating news we’d heard was put in its proper place–in God’s hand, not by my prayers but by my creating. By making something of beauty out of my own feelings of chaos and loss and bewilderment God created in me a new heart of hope; “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me,” (Psalm 51:10). 

Though this was a new understanding for me it is practiced everywhere in our world where people begin foundations, research, donor campaigns, and more to bring good and beauty from personal tragedies.

As I’ve reflected on my experience eager to glean as much from what God wants me to understand as possible I’ve discovered some questions … questions to which I don’t yet have answers. 

How can I take the suffering of difficult relationships and create beauty in the place of loss? What do You God want me to do in these relationships of mine?How can I create light as a carrier of the Light of the World (Matthew 5:14-16)? Every family in every generation has in its circle those who are challenging to relate to or love or understand. So learning to create goodness out of difficulty needs to be learned first at home.

On a larger scale, the same weekend I was hearing from God about creating as a way to restore and redeem I was trading emails with my dear friend Joanne who lives in Minneapolis with her pastor husband. As I listened to her stories of what was happening to people she knew, not reported on the news of course, I asked the question:

“What can believers do to create beauty and redemption in the chaos and disorder that is reigning in that city right now? It is not yet in my town, my city, but it is coming. What can we do then?”

I’m listening and waiting to hear what He says.

As is so true of God He most often works in secret, in hidden ways, behind the scenes. The entire Sermon on the Mount addresses these questions, but Matthew 6:1-14 specifically describes serving in secret. I’m confident there are unknown unnamed believers who are working to restore order and create beauty and hope in Minneapolis. But I believe God is waiting for more of His children to ask Him what they can do. 

This month’s letter therefore is a call to pray and listen and then to pursue ways to mirror the redemptive work of God. Our spheres of influence are a series of ever widening circles, beginning in our families. Start imagining how to create redemption at home first. Then we must ask how can we do the same in our neighborhood, our community, our city, region or state.

God has called us to push back against evil but always in humility and love as servants just as Jesus did. Today Christians are not known for our love. We are known for our anger, our demands, our defensiveness or our refusal to be in relationship with certain family members. Again Jesus addresses all of these common issues in the Sermon on the Mount, specifically in chapter five.

I would love to know your thoughts in response to my questions. 

You who live with difficult painful family relationships: what has God shown you to do that is redemptive and healing?You who live in cities experiencing unrest and high levels of anxiety: what are you seeing God’s people do? 

We will not find our example, our model of how to respond from any news source.

Our example is Christ alone who modeled perfectly the life we were created for in Eden. Our goal must be to become more like Jesus every day no matter the cost. 

I hope you will invite God to reveal Himself more and more to you so we will become more and more like Jesus. It’s God’s big purpose for each one of us.

Hope to hear from you!

Enjoy these spring days.

Barbara

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