Barbara Rainey's Blog, page 20

Seven Books That Shaped and Guided My Parenting

 

Books have been a significant part of my life in more ways than I can describe, including how Dennis and I parented our six. The recommendations of others introduced me to some of the best books in many categories including parenting, so here are the seven that most shaped our parenting. All are full of timeless content and available online.

 

 

The Hurried Child, by David Elkind. Professor Elkind helps parents focus on the pressures our culture places on children: preschool for all kids, lessons in competitive sports at earlier and earlier ages and the potentially dangerous influence of screens. Elkind challenged the new values of my generation by writing about the importance of children being allowed to be children, free to learn and grow at their own pace without the pressure of lessons and graded accomplishments.

Our first three kids were under five when I discovered this book, and I felt a strong sense of “this is right.” I wanted the best for my kids and Elkind gave me the courage to say no to the adult peer pressure I felt to start enrolling my preschoolers in classes. Today as I watch my little grandson play in the dirt with his trucks, stack pieces of scrap wood to make ramps and roads, and let his imagination freely grow, I remember my own kids doing the same in our backyard. And it makes me happy to watch his free play knowing how good it is for his development.

The book is available in a newly updated 25th anniversary edition which addresses all that parents face today. Twenty-first century children need their parents to this read book now more than ever.

 

 

What is a Family? by Edith Schaeffer . Written with a wholistic view of family life rather than tackling how-to topics, What is a Family? paints a portrait of the values that shape a family. The chapter titles answer her title question: “The Birthplace of Creativity” … “A Formation Center for Human Relationships” … “A Shelter in the Time of Storm” … “A Perpetual Relay of Truth” … “A Museum of Memories.”

Schaeffer gave me a vision for how Dennis and I could both create and control the environment that is home. I quoted her often when speaking, marked paragraphs that I reread over and over, and eventually wore the cover off the book!

Her introduction beautifully describes the vision God has for Christian families: “A Christian family is a mobile blown by the gentle breeze of the Holy Spirit. Each member of the family, as he or she is born again, is indwelt by the Holy Spirit.” As time marches on the family is “constantly changing from year to year, with the mix never the same—agewise, interestwise, talentwise, intellectwise—never static, always with new discoveries … blown by the breeze of the Holy Spirit.”

This book is a timeless treasure worth owning for every Christian family.

 

 

Honey for a Child’s Heart, by Gladys Hunt. I’ve mentioned this book in other blog posts. Reading to and with children, often out loud, has value beyond measuring emotionally, relationally, spiritually and intellectually. Hunt lists dozens of great books for different age groups; chances are you’ll find books you’ve never heard about. Be sure to purchase the latest edition of this book, updated to 2021.

 

 

A Mother’s Heart, by Jean Fleming. This book taught me a life changing truth: “Children are a piece of a mother’s heart walking around outside her body.” This statement by Fleming explained so much when I was mommy to my six, and it still applies today as my kids are all adults. I understand now it will always be true. The book is available but not in large quantities. If you can’t find it I’d also recommend my friend Sally Clarkson’s books, especially The Ministry of Motherhood.

 

 

 

The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom and God’s Smuggler, by Brother Andrew . These are not parenting books but I include them because they were significant to me for casting a vision for the kind of faith I wanted to grow in my children. We read these books out-loud together when my kids were middle schoolers. I also worked to expose our six to other believers of strong faith to support and strengthen their fledgling relationship with God.

Also in this category were Elisabeth Elliot’s books on her childhood that told stories of missionaries visiting their family and telling God stories from their adventures in other countries. This inspired Dennis and me to do the same. We loved having other adults who loved Jesus come have dinner and talk about their relationship with Him with our kids listening. It was one of the best things we did to help our kids grow their faith.

 

 

Mothers and Sons: Raising Boys to be Men , by Jean Lush. This book became a handbook for me with my two sons. Even though I had three brothers I felt clueless about how to raise my boys to be men. This book gave me lots of ideas, as well as the vision and courage to guide my sons to serve others, work hard, and protect those who needed their help and strength. I believe it’s a must read for every mom of boys. The Bible, by God Himself. You could also title this book, “How God Parents His Children.” I saved this one for last for because it’s most important. There are stories, ideas and examples on almost every page of this living book.

One verse that was crucial for Dennis and me was Proverbs 6:16, which starts with the words, “There are six things the Lord hates …” Now that’s a show stopper of an introduction! Don’t you want to know that list? I did when I first read this verse as a parent.

 

 

And when I read the first items on the list—“haughty eyes” and “a lying tongue”—I knew these were my marching orders as a mom. If God hates these attitudes and actions in His kids then I needed to hate them (hate the behavior not the child) too. That meant I shouldn’t tolerate them in my children’s hearts and character. I hope this is a teaser and that you will find this Scripture passage and read the list with your spouse or on your own if you are a single parent. Make a plan for what you will do when these things show up in your kids’ lives and attitudes.

Another parenting verse I found that was also significant was, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16). Do you see the application for moms and dads? This is how God parents us: repetitive teaching, lots of corrections (which means both explaining what is right and restoration to an obedient state and a resolved relationship with you) and reproofs (i.e. it means teaching evidence or proof of why lying is wrong and telling the truth is right, for example) and training (instruction on what to do next time). This verse gave us a pattern to follow, and we did.

We followed plenty of additional passages in the Bible, but I don’t have space to list them. Some of them are in our book, The Art of Parenting. Others you’ll have the privilege of discovering on your own.

Parents today are facing different challenges today than we did in our generation, but the parenting principles of Scripture that God wants us to follow are the same over the centuries. Why? Because every child is born rebellious and needs parents who will love well by guiding, correcting, training and showing them what it looks like to follow God. Our world needs the children of today to become the godly leaders of tomorrow.

 

 

Hope these books help and inspire! And I’d love to hear which ones were most helpful!

 

Be sure to read Barbara’s post about reading to your children, plus a suggested reading list, in

“The Delight of Reading with Your Kids.”

 

The post Seven Books That Shaped and Guided My Parenting appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Why We Need Gratitude More Than Ever

 

When the Covid-19 pandemic arrived in early 2020, did any of us have any idea how much it would still be affecting us in the final months of 2021? How it would disrupt our lives, our communities, our nation, our world?

Unsettled describes life since March of 2020. But sometimes unsettled feels too mild an adjective to describe the seismic changes the world has experienced. Our collective Covid suffering is a very unwelcome add-on to lives already checkered with more than enough hardships.

Which leaves us questioning, “Where is God?” and “What is He doing?” in the midst of this ongoing chaos.

This will be the backdrop again this year in our annual season of gratitude—the weeks leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday. And though feelings of gratefulness may not be bubbling over in our lives, still … more than ever, we need to practice gratitude.

A friend named Ney Bailey wrote a wonderful book called Faith Is Not a Feeling in which she defines faith as simply taking God at His Word:

You and I can either grow accustomed to listening to our feelings, thoughts, and circumstances, letting them control us, or we can be in the habit of taking God at His word despite our feelings and life experiences. We need to choose with our wills to believe that His Word is truer than our feelings.

Choosing to express thanksgiving to God for everything in our lives—whether we value each person as a gift or a difficulty, each circumstance as a blessing or a calamity—is one of the best ways to express our faith. We who “make a claim to godliness” (1 Timothy 2:10) can welcome these next few weeks as an opportunity to both train our children to be more grateful and also quicken our own hearts to generous and genuine thanksgiving to God and to others. All in spite of how we feel.

 

 

But first we adults must tune our hearts to thanksgiving.

To help us develop a more grateful heart, I’ve put together an eBook titled, Why We Need Gratitude More Than Ever. Inside this book, you will find four chapters that feature an historical story that highlights a different aspect of giving thanks to God. My hope is that through this eBook you are guided and coached in developing a stronger faith and in modeling a grateful heart for your family and for everyone you know. And you might consider reading the stories to your children ages seven and older for family devotions as you approach Thanksgiving.

This post is part of Why We Need Gratitude More Than Ever. I would love for you to download the full eBook! I think you will be encouraged as we head into the holiday season.

Happy gratitude month!

Ever His,

Barbara Rainey

 

 

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Friends & Family Fridays #10

 

Hello friends!

This was a month we won’t soon forget and this letter to all of you … not what I anticipated in early October. The month began with our plans in place; I checked things off day by day, marking lines through my listed to-dos with great satisfaction. Made me feel in control. Always does.

Monday October 18 began as planned, but by nightfall concern crept in like a cloud bringing darkness and blotting the light of the sun.

My brother Tom, six years younger than I and a widower, was in the hospital over that weekend for a minor procedure and expected to go home Monday. Ever reluctant to communicate on a personal level, my brother’s last text that evening was, “Still here. Maybe home tomorrow.”

Mid-day Tuesday I called to see if he’d made it home. No answer. Again midafternoon and then after dinner I left another message and sent one last text. No reply. The cloud of concern changed during the night of frequent wakefulness to a cloud of anxiety.

In the middle of the night we often imagine the worst. Do you too? I imagined scenarios of Tom running off the road into a deep ditch … or suffering a heart attack walking up the stairs to his house. Then I thought maybe he he’d developed sepsis or a staph infection or some other unforeseen turn for the worse. By Wednesday morning I decided to call his doctor’s office to at least find out if he was discharged or not. With my mother gone and his only son living in Texas, my brother had no family nearby (except me two hours north) and no neighbors nearby. The farm is remote.

After no success with the doctor’s number I called the hospital and learned with shock that he was in ICU. Thus began a flurry of activity as we packed, texted my other brothers and family, asked for prayers, and drove to the hospital in the small town of Camden.

Upon arrival we learned that Tom had developed pneumonia and couldn’t breathe. His doctor said it was a bad case. With the gentleness and flexibility of a country doctor he told us Tom’s odds were less than 50-50. As family began to arrive, the small local hospital relaxed the rules to let us go in to see him one at a time even beyond official visiting hours. On Thursday we began our visits, but he was sleeping most of the time and was on a breathing machine to help him expel CO2. On Thursday night just after midnight his heart stopped. He was resuscitated and then it stopped twice more before morning.

My brother was gone. It was sudden, unexpected, head-shaking unbelievable.

 

 

 

One of Tom’s lifelong friends, Jimmie, a natural evangelist converted from a wild life he shared with my brother in their 20s, arrived late Thursday. In one of our conversations Friday I asked about Tom’s salvation. Jimmie assured me Tom believed and was saved. He said my brother read his Bible every day … my stinker little brother never told me! But I had heard hints of faith from him off and on the last few years.  Jimmie’s words encouraged me that my assumptions were correct. Tom had prayed with me and received Christ as his Savior when he was 18 and it was sincere and real in that season of his life. Jimmie’s words confirmed for me that Tom was with Jesus and nothing could be better for him.

The days since Tom’s death have been a whirlwind. Countless decisions, scrambling to figure out how to feed the crowd at the farm, conversations and phone calls and texts, and generally living on high alert day after day. It was exhausting. Everything else had to be necessarily paused. And I’m still in that mode, but with many decisions now made the exhale is starting.

A memorial service to thank God for the life of my brother is now planned for the 14th of November. For a small farming community we’ll have a really large crowd, requiring more planning and organizing and preparation. But even that is good and part of God’s perfect plan for us.

In spite of the shock and loss I’m amazed at the reminders I’ve seen of God’s sovereign control:

Tom developed pneumonia in the hospital where he had immediate help and not at home alone and isolated.“Pneumonia,” his doctor said, “is an old man’s friend.” I’d never heard this saying but he told us it’s a painless way to die. You go to sleep and never wake up. So grateful for that gift of a painless departure.Psalm 139 has long been a favorite of mine. God knew when my brother “lay down or sat down and when he got up again” (verses 2-3). He was never alone. God formed “his inward parts” and he was “wonderfully made” (verse 14). And most amazing of all is that God wrote in His book, “every one of them, the days that were formed for him, when as yet there was none of them” (verse 16). His 66 years were all ordained by a good Father.When Tom’s heart failed the doctors and medics got it started again but they could not add another day to his life, for God had numbered them and his time here was over.God.Is. In. Control. What a comfort!

And so we who are left are reminded that our days too are numbered. Like my brother we have no idea what that end date is. King Solomon said, “It is good to go to the house of mourning because the living take it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2), which means those of us left behind are reminded that we must make our days count.

The question is always, will we? Are there changes we must make to make sure our fewer days make a difference? It’s been good for me to evaluate.

 

 

In other news, our granddaughter Gabrielle, aka Gabby, is playing this week for the state soccer title with her high school team. My grandson James is giving me his Saturday this week to do some needed work in the farm house as we prepare for the memorial and then Thanksgiving which will be here soon. I’ll post photos on Facebook and Instagram if you want to see. Somewhere in this mix Dennis and I are hoping to squeeze in another one-day road trip before the fall leaves are gone. It’s been a late season this year so we may try next week.

With EverThineHome, we are sending another ebook on Monday. This one, appropriately, is about gratitude. I hope you’ll download it and read it for yourself or to your kids or grandkids.

And I’m eager to start sharing some of what I’ve been writing on a topic I’ve been thinking about for years: disappointment with God. Are you interested?

Lastly, thank you all for the many comments you posted on my article “How to Forgive Your Parents.” It was so encouraging.

Forgiveness, too, is a very needed topic.

 

With deep gratitude for each of you.

Ever His,

Barbara

 

The post Friends & Family Fridays #10 appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

How to Forgive Your Parents

 

A sweet friend has been struggling with her childhood and what she experienced from her parents. Like many of us when we become adults, get married, and begin raising our own families, she sees clearly as a mom of two all the mistakes her parents made.

I understood because I felt the same way when I was in her season of life.

In my late twenties and early thirties, I blamed my parents as the source of all that troubled me. I found them guilty for my shyness, insecurity, fears, and for not teaching me to know God as a child. My lack of confidence in relationships, my weakness in resisting the influence of friends, and my inability to be comfortable and confident in who I was … it all seemed to be their fault.

That I might be responsible in some way never occurred to me. Nor did I have eyes to see that God could be using my perceived losses and weaknesses for my good. Years later God showed me that being left out of the in-crowd was actually a protection from harmful activities those kids were involved in.

 

 

How my perspective changed

The change in my heart toward my parents began when I learned over time bits and pieces of their stories. I knew from experience as a child, for example, that my paternal grandmother Lillie was an unhappy and often angry woman. My brothers and I were afraid of her. But I never thought about how her anger and unhappiness impacted my father as a child.

When I learned that my grandmother’s mother died when she was eight and her first-born son died as an infant, my heart began to feel compassion toward her. She also suffered from irregular heartbeats which the doctors all dismissed as “in her head” or caused by her “inferior” female emotional state. Being a woman was, for many, difficult in the early 1920s. There were no counselors, no woman’s ministries, no books about any of the issues she lived with.

My grandmother Lillie was just one of four broken, flawed, sinful parents who shaped the two people who gave life to me. Parents like mine, I realized, try to do their best, but often they don’t know what they’re doing or why. I didn’t know what I was doing as a parent much of the time either.

 

We have so much to learn from Jesus

I’ve learned many of Jesus’ words are widely recognized but rarely practiced. One of the most remarkable of all is His prayer for His killers as He hung on the cross: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:24).

 

 

Even in His agony Jesus saw them for who they were; deceived, misguided, mistaken men, following the wrong leader. He knew that if they saw Him as He is, God Almighty high and lifted up in all His glory, they would have been flat on their faces before Him instead of railing at Him as they killed Him. In His darkest and most painful moments, as He was brutally tortured and murdered, Jesus modeled the way forward for His followers to forgive as He did.

To my young friend I texted:

“I’m sure you know now after six years of parenting how many things you have done that you regret, how many emotions you feel unable to control. Like all parents you, too, struggle with losing your temper or parenting out of fear. Right?

“So did your parents. They too did not know what they were doing. They too made mistakes, some perhaps were intentional, but probably most were not. Just as couples walking down the wedding aisle cannot imagine harming or being harmed by their beloved, so most parents love their children and would never intentionally harm them if they understood what their words or actions were causing within their child.

“Sadly you will harm your kids, too.”

All parents make mistakes and harm their children even though they don’t want to and are often unaware of the harm being done. It’s unavoidable. We are all too broken. And one day your children will have the choice to forgive you or not forgive you and become angry and bitter.

 

 

So here are three simple-to-say but hard-to-do steps for forgiving your parents:

Learn their stories. Try to see your parents as people with stories of heartache, failure and pain who need to be accepted as they are. Ask God to help you see them as He does. Do you know any of the experiences that shaped your parents? If you don’t, start asking questions to get to know who they were and what life experiences shaped them. You too might discover compassion blossoming in your heart toward them. Make a list of the things they did right or the things they did that you are thankful for. Focus on what is good, honorable, and true about them. Making a list of positives will help you shift your eyes from all the negatives, creating a more balanced view. Forgive them as Jesus forgave. Pray the same prayer He prayed for His killers, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” As an act of your will, stop blaming them and release them from the debt you feel they owe you.

And if you dare, one of the very best gifts you can give your parents is your list of what you are grateful for. Take that list and turn it into a written tribute, a gift of honor, a tangible way to obey the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land …” (Exodus 20:12). My husband, Dennis, wrote an entire book about honoring parents and included examples of tributes people have written to their parents.

Writing a tribute to my parents was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because it was so difficult to let go of blaming them. But it was also one of the best things I’ve ever done. Writing my list into a story form and reading it to them (through buckets of tears) set me free from the bondage I was in. It opened the door to a much freer and healthier relationship for the rest of their lives.

We are living in world full of divided relationships marked by disagreements and discord. We who belong to Christ, who have been born again by His death on the cross, should not allow our relationships to look like those who don’t have the power of Christ to redeem.

I pray you will take Jesus at His word when He says:

“I am the resurrection and the life …” (John 11:25). If God can resurrect a dead Jesus, He can resurrect lifeless relationships with parents.“You will know the truth’ and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). When we know the truth about our parents and ourselves (we too are sinners and need forgiveness) we can be set free.“By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Our broken, divided family relationships are ruining our witness to the world and breaking the heart of God. The last verse of the Old Testament is a warning: “ … and he will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction” (Malachi 4:6).“Nothing is too hard for you” (Jeremiah 32:17). God can do anything with willing hearts in His surrendered people.

May you discover the joy of freedom and forgiveness with your parents.

 

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to read more about honoring your parents:

“Honoring Your Parents for What They Did Right” “The Forgotten (and Sometimes Forsaken) Commandment: The Best Gift You Will Ever Give to Your Parents”

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When Kids Ask Too Many Questions

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“What is hair made from?”

“Do lizards go to heaven?”

“Why do we stop at red lights?”

“Who’s your mom’s mom?”

“Why do I have to tell Jesus what I did wrong when He already knows?”

In our house with six kids, a menagerie of outside pets, and two often exhausted parents, our kids’ questions kept us on our toes and sometimes pushed me to the edge. Questions ranged from cute to confounding.

And I bet you, too, deal with more than one child asking questions at the same time. And always, it seems, when mom is busy with other tasks.

Nothing like trying to finish preparing dinner and explaining where babies come from! Or juggling laundry and a sibling’s homework and answering the question, “How small are the people on the radio?” Or talking on the phone taking care of something important, and hearing that little voice asking, “Why did the fox kill our baby chickens?”

Phew. And it didn’t stop at bedtime: “Does God sleep?” … “What does His bedroom look like?” … “Is He really real?”

It always seemed the lights-out hour was delayed because that’s when my kids wanted to talk. No doubt it was often a delay tactic, but I also knew they asked questions because they saw I was focused on them as I tucked in each one for the night and prayed for them.

My kids were smart. They knew I was distracted much of the other time during the day. So I tried to patiently answer a few questions at bedtime. Even one honest answer of one question from each of my six made for a long, drawn-out bedtime many nights.

Was it even worth the time? Why did this matter in my home? Does this matter in your home?

One of my favorite writers, Edith Schaeffer, said the family is a perpetual relay of truth. Perpetual. What a great word for the race of parenting!

 

 

When you engage your children’s questions you are participating in a relay of life.

As their first and most important teacher, you are helping them learn about every subject related to God’s world. But most importantly you are teaching them about God Himself by what you say and how you live.

Here are four helpful training tools to equip you as a parent while you relay the truth to your children:

1. Look to the God who called you to be a parent. Even though you are learning as you go, you are not alone. Jesus prays for us (Romans 8:34) and so does the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:26,27)! Learn to depend more and more on the willing help God is so eager to give you for this race.

Ask Him how to answer those faith questions that leave you shaking your head incredulously. Ask Him about the other ones, too, since He is Creator and Lord over all. He delights in our questions to Him … unlike we mortals who too frequently become impatient!

And teach your children to ask God all their questions, too. Guiding them to talk to God about everything is one of the most important skills you can teach.

2. Look to parents who have gone before you. I hope that in sharing my experiences, you can see that you are not the only mom who’s ever been embarrassed from your 2-year-old’s bathroom stall query, “Momma, is that a man in the girl’s bathroom? … But why is her hair so short?”

Like every athlete who is strengthened by the cheers of the crowd in the stands, so we are also surrounded by a cloud of witnesses watching us run our race. They have finished their laps in the relay of truth and are cheering for us as we finish ours. We also have those of us still on earth who have finished our parenting journey and want to be your mentors, cheerleaders, and prayer support.

3. Look to those running this relay beside you. Sometimes you just need to know you’re not the only one confounded and embarrassed by your child’s questions. Be willing to share honestly with your friends and listen to their stories too. Find time to laugh about some of the crazy and embarrassing moments while reminding each other how important the questions are.

4. Don’t leave all the asking to your kids. While it is important to focus on your children’s questions and answer them authentically, it is also important to ask your children questions. Ask how they feel when going through a difficult time. Help them articulate their emotions. Empathize, affirm, hug, and lead your children to the source of all truth.

You can thank Jesus that He knows our every sorrow, feels our griefs, and will someday make everything right. Read verses from the Bible to show your children how much Jesus loves us and cares for us. And show your child where to find them in their own Bibles.

Another idea is to choose to sometimes turn the questions back on your children when they asks you “why?” Make it a dialog. You don’t have to answer every question. Let their imagination craft an answer. Don’t carry the burden of having to have all the answers. Sometimes asking questions is just a game kids play, so enter into their fun and let them be silly!

The relay race of truth

Passing the truth to the next generation is a relay race more important than any Olympic contest because the rewards last for eternity. The goal is that your children will run the race without stopping, without falling, without dropping the baton, and they will continue passing it on to their children’s generation.

Your home is the training facility for your children’s future. Answering questions and even admitting, “I don’t know, but let’s ask God to help us understand,” are part of modeling authentic faith for your children.

 

 

Your home is a relay of truth. And you’re going for the gold of a lasting legacy that withstands the test of time.

 

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to read some other content from Barbara on parenting:

“What Are You Teaching Your Children?” “How to Build a Relationship With Your Child”

The post When Kids Ask Too Many Questions appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Do You Know What God Made You to Do?

 

 

One Wednesday morning our Bible study leader asked us all to answer the same question: “What are you passionate about for God and His kingdom?” About 30 of us were present … young moms, middle-age moms, new empty nesters and a faithful group of women in their 70’s who we all admired.

One by one came the answers around the circle, each becoming more specific and enthusiastic. Not surprisingly the first few answers were a little predictable and safe: “I love God’s Word” and, “I love studying God’s Word.”  All true because these women had proven by their faithful attendance over many years that they loved the Bible.

But then came the replies that reminded me of how differently God has created each of us:

“I am passionate about children, which is why we are foster parents.”

“God has given my husband and me a deep desire to befriend and reach His chosen people the Jews. So we go to temple as often as we can to get to know them and help them see Jesus.”

“I love babies, and it breaks my heart that women don’t understand that a tiny person with feelings lives inside them when they’re pregnant. So my husband and I often go to abortion clinics to meet the women in crisis and try to find ways to help.”

“I too am passionate about children. So my husband and I have started a ministry in our county named The Call to recruit other families to be foster parents so that no child in our county will ever be unwanted.”

What did I say? At the time I was busy creating new resources for Ever Thine Home, so I said, “I am passionate about God’s Word and His beauty, which is why I’m working harder than I ever have to create beautiful objects, worthy of His name, for women to use in their homes to proclaim His name and tell His story.”

By the time we finished, we felt a sense of awe and worship at the very individual ways God was at work in each woman’s life. I saw how the body of Christ can actually accomplish God’s purposes if each of us fulfills His design for our lives. It reminded me of these words from Ephesians 2:10: “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

 

 

But it can’t happen if we get sidetracked by the enemy who wants us to compare ourselves with others, succumbing to the temptation to copy what someone else is doing rather than listening to God’s voice for you. The glory of God is the wonder of His one-of-a-kind calling and work in every believer.

What are you passionate about for God and His kingdom?

If you’ve never thought about this question before, ask God to show you your passion and the unique plans He has for your life. And If you do know your passion, pray that God will open up opportunities for you to follow it.

Would you join me and other women who are discovering and embracing His workmanship, His divinely ordered collection of gifts, talents, personality and, yes, also the limitations He has given you? Listen for His leading and follow. He has plans for you that are for no one else.

And know that His purposes change and evolve with the seasons of your life.

He is infinitely creative to be rigid with your life!

If you enjoyed reading this, be sure to read some other posts by Barbara on walking with God:

“What’s Hiding In My Heart?” “I Can’t Do It All”

 

 

 

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How to Study the Bible

 

Dear friends,

In my recent Friends & Family blog post, I talked about what I was learning in my “Bible Study Methods and Hermaneutics” class at Dallas Theological Seminary. I’m so encouraged by your questions about seminary and your eagerness to learn.

So here’s an exercise and some suggestions for those who want more.

1. Read Acts 1:8 and see if you can find 25 observations. An observation is a fact. Start with the phrase “I can observe that … and fill in the blank.

By the way, one thing I did to help me focus just on that one verse was to cover all the verses before it with sticky notes and all those after too.

As I shared in my previous letter, the first observation is the word “but.”

I can observe that … “but” is lowercaseI can observe that … “but” is a conjunctionI can observe that … “but” connects this sentence to a previous one.

2. The goal of observation is to ultimately discover the meaning of what God is saying. Therefore the text of God’s word is everything.

What determines meaning? Words. All words have meaning and a purpose, so observation helps us pay attention to every word and then to its meaning within the context of that one verse and then within the paragraph, then the chapter, etc.

3. The second goal is to understand the context of what God has said. Once you spend the time to find 25 observations on Acts 1:8 and then find another 25, if you’re adventurous, then read the verse before and the verse after and the context become very obvious.

Words have meaning and sentences have context.The rules of observation keep us in the lanes.

4. For those who really want to try this, I have two more suggestions. First, buy the book my professor wrote, How to Read the Bible Like a Seminary Professor, by Dr. Mark Yarbrough. It’s very readable and easy to follow. It’s basically my class between two covers.

Second, if you can find a Precept Bible Study class near you, join it. Precept Bible Studies are built on these study principles: observation, interpretation, application.

If any of you want to try this exercise, I’d love to see your 25 observations! And then I’ll share mine. There are several really fun ones that I’ve purposely not shared because that is the joy of studying the Bible this way … discovering it for yourself instead of only letting someone else feed you what they have learned.

Try it! And let me know if you do.

Last week in my class we did an assignment on Nehemiah 1:4-11. We had to do all the observations and then create an outline. It was so interesting to see how easy it was to create an outline once we’d taken the time to really observe the verses closely.

This week’s assignment is to study Habbakuk and create a chart! I’ve got a lot of work ahead on this one, including listening to several videos so I need to get after it.

Praying I can ignite a love for God’s Word in all of you!

Barbara

The post How to Study the Bible appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Your. Marriage. Matters. (Part Two)

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If a vote were taken on the top cultural issues of our day, divisions and polarization would top the list, along with problems of racism and lack of trust in one another. But to me, one of most distressing trends today is how marriage is losing its value. Increasingly, younger generations view marriage as unnecessary, unrealistic, and even old-fashioned and outdated.

Many would agree with one writer in The Atlantic magazine who called marriage a “wretched institution.” He wrote:

“It spells the end of voluntary affection, of love freely given and joyously received. …

Marriage was not designed as a mechanism for providing friendship, erotic experience, romantic love, personal fulfillment, continuous lay psychotherapy, or recreation.  

The Western European family was not designed to carry a lifelong load of highly emotional romantic freight.”

Oh, and did I mention he wrote those words over 60 years ago? I wonder how would he describe the state of the institution today?

But I’m here to say that marriage is not a “wretched institution” … far from it! God created marriage not only to benefit us as individuals, but also to create stability for human society.

Marriage has never been more important. Perhaps now more than ever. No question it’s never been easy, but it’s always been worth it. Polls and studies conducted for decades consistently support the value of marriage to human flourishing, prosperity and stability.

 

 

In the first post of this two-part series on marriage, I discussed God’s design for marriage. Here are some additional thoughts about why your marriage matters:

2. God wants to use your marriage to inspire and help others.  

This is the most amazing and perhaps surprising part about marriage!

People long to see marriages that last. Don’t you?

Everyone loves seeing couples honored at church or on the local news who have been married 50, 60 and even 70 years. Why? Because we want that permanence, that endurance, and that lifelong love. Our hearts long to be loved forever in spite of all our flaws and mistakes.

In my book, Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife, I wrote this description of what I imagine God thinks about marriage:

So, too, God wants my marriage and yours to inspire wonder in those who are close enough to see the radiant beauty only He can create.

Marriage is so worth fighting for, so worth keeping and enjoying, giving oneself to completely. For God has planted marriage in every culture so that His message of love can be seen in unions of beauty generation after generation.

Our marriages are meant to be statements of wonder to the watching world, statements of the goodness, the power, and the beauty of God. Our fascination with and admiration for a beautifully mature marriage makes us want to know both the couple and the Creator. And that is the eternal purpose for marriage, making Him known.

Marriage is a mystery. And most of us love mysteries because they are intriguing and our hearts long to know more when we are presented with something that can’t be fully known or understood. God is a mystery who wants to be known too.

3. Your marriage is so important that, even when we can’t do marriage on our own, God through His Spirit gives us the power to make it work. He didn’t have to help us.

In the summer of 2000, my husband, Dennis, was booked to speak at a conference in Europe. Because I’d spent a summer studying French in France, I had long dreamed of taking our kids to see some of the beautiful places I’d fallen in love with as a teenager. So we planned and worked to take our son Samuel and our three youngest daughters with us. First we went to the conference and then at its conclusion we rented two small cars and took off to visit all the sites. 

Again in my book, Letters to My Daughters, I described this trip of a lifetime and the lessons we learned from the cathedrals we toured:

One of the most famous cathedrals in Europe, Chartres is breathtaking in its size and beauty. Our tour within its soaring interior gave us a sense of majesty and grandeur and called our hearts to worship the One who is supreme.

Our next stop was Sainte-Chappelle in Paris. Smaller, but more elegant than its famous neighbor, Notre Dame, Sainte-Chappelle is a lapis jewel that sparkles with light flowing from tall, exquisite stained-glass windows that wordlessly speak of God’s work. It was for us—and for any who visit—impossible to stand inside without lifting our eyes heavenward. Majestic cathedrals speak of the grandeur and grace of God, each uniquely proclaiming Christ’s life and the Bible’s story.

At the end of our tours, however, I was left with a great feeling of sadness that many of the magnificent structures, masterpieces of architecture and beauty, are void of the Spirit for whom they were built. For centuries, many have been hollow and lifeless, mere museums, concert halls, and tourist attractions. But when the Spirit of Christ is welcomed within, any church can come back to life.

Marriages are like churches—some are grand in scale like cathedrals, while others more closely resemble a small country parish. The power of any church is not in its size, but in its people who are alive with the life of Christ. My marriage and yours must be filled with the Spirit of Christ, each spouse humbly following His leadership, if we want it to be all it was built to be. Then, like a church spire, our lives and the beauty of our marriage will irresistibly draw others in and point them to God, the Redeemer of our unique marriage story.

Marriage is designed to mirror and reflect our relationship with Jesus to everyone around us. My marriage and yours is full of raw places we’d like to hide, sin we wish to keep secret. But like the woman at the well who had five husbands, when we humbly admit our failures to Him we discover a forgiveness, a grace and a love so unexpected and wonderful we can’t help telling everyone about Him.

God wants us to experience the wonder of repentance and restoration and resurrection in our marriages. If we are willing to risk openness. If we are willing to ask God to give us His genuine love that we do not possess on our own, then we will experience the kind of marriage we longed for when we said, “I do.”

When my marriage feels impossible I remember God “is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think …” (Ephesians 3:20) and that “nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37 NASB). And that gives me courage to keep moving into the hard things and to keep believing He will rescue us.

And He has rescued us. Every single time.

God waits to help you create beauty in your marriage. If your marriage feels impossible, remember:

He wants you to experience your own inadequacy so you have to depend on Him. God will create beautiful windows and doorways in the cathedral that is your marriage if you don’t quit.

If you know Jesus as your Savior, He is calling you to believe His vision for marriage, not what the world around us says about His creation. Keep your eyes on Jesus where they belong. Not on others.

 

 

If you enjoyed reading this, you also might like some additional posts by Barbara on marriage:

“If You Only Had One Prayer for Your Marriage”   “What To Do When You Want to Quit Marriage”

 

 

The post Your. Marriage. Matters. (Part Two) appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Your. Marriage. Matters. (Part One)

 

I was standing alone in our small master closet … stunned … unable to move. Feeling lost and alone and burdened, as if an old heavy wool coat had just been thrown on my shoulders. The weight of the heated words my husband and I had just exchanged felt impossible to bear. I wondered if a solution was even possible in our marriage.

It wasn’t the first time our marriage felt too hard. Nor would it be the last.

In the hard moments of marriage, quitting seems to be the easiest and best way to alleviate the immediate pain and disappointment. And that day in the closet I had thoughts of quitting, too.

Today more and more couples choose to live together without marriage, without the lasting historically binding promises couples have made for thousands of years. One of the primary reasons so many couples avoid marriage is they want to avoid the pain of divorce … if you don’t make the commitment, they think, it’s easier to bail when your relationship begins to sour.

Our need for immediate peace, satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment in the present too often trumps the long-term benefits of a lasting marriage. Many are asking: Does marriage matter at all? And too often it’s answered: no.

But I want to shout loudly and clearly to all who will hear:

Your. Marriage. Matters!

Believe it. Marriage does matter, it always has and here in this post is reason number one.

1. From the beginning, God created marriage not only to give you the human love and companionship you long for and desire, but also an eternal relationship with God Himself. These dual purposes are the great vision of marriage.

For thousands of years, couples have entered marriage with high hopes, certain that their love is the greatest to ever exist on the planet. Universally every single couple awakes one day to a disappointment, a rift, an offense they never expected to encounter. In their bewilderment and surprise each partner automatically moves to a defensive posture because we have forgotten, or never knew, two important truths:

Both spouses are sinners—prone to selfishness, to mistakes, and to seeking our own welfare over the other.We’ve lost any vision for the good God intended when He created marriage—the healing, restoration, and even resurrection He wants to accomplish in each of our lives. And He can’t do that if we are insisting our own way is right, if we aren’t teachable or willing to learn. 

We have lost our way in marriage because we have lost our sight, our vision of what God intended.

Of all the art museums in the world, the Louvre in Paris may be the most famous. Imagine the Louvre has a wing dedicated to displaying the wonders and miracles of God’s work in marriages. Now imagine you and your spouse purchase tickets, but on the day before your tour an earthquake shakes the famous building and its priceless contents.

An earthquake whose epicenter was beneath the famed buildings would undoubtedly damage or destroy at least half of the works of art. But unexpectedly the museum opens even as the cleanup began. You and your spouse arrive at the entrance, present your tickets, and begin to walk the halls once filled with priceless beauty. But all you can see is the destruction, the loss. Lying on the floor, broken and torn and crushed, you find the debris of our world … broken, separated, divorced marriages.

And yet there are still marriage portraits on the wall to be admired. There are still evidences of God’s miraculous power to heal and restore in the faces of couples who refused to quit. As you continue your tour, what will you look at? The destruction or the works of art that survived? Will you focus on the vision of victory of those works of art that endured?

This is the challenge of those who long for love in this generation. Where will you look? Will you succumb to hopelessness because of all the fallen marriages around you? Or will you choose to turn your eyes to the original design?

 

 

What is God’s design for marriage?

To complete one another … which is a picture of Christ completing us, giving us what we are lacking in ourselves.To fulfill the promises to never leave or forsake one another … which mirrors the promise of Christ to never leave or forsake us.To fulfill our need for love and intimacy and companionship, again a picture of what Christ came to do by giving Himself to us without reservations that we might know His immense love.To give us courage to keep growing and becoming all God intended … which is what the Holy Spirit does for us as He dwells inside believers and wants to help us, as His name, the Helper, implies.To multiply a godly heritage. In the Garden of Eden God instructed Adam and Eve to have children so the message of His love for the world would spread. Marriage is the best environment for raising godly children who will carry His love to their generation.And most importantly, marriage is to model the great mystery of Christ’s relationship the church. When people see marriages that work, they get a glimpse of God Himself, His unity, His enduring love, His unending promises to be with us forever.

Why does God’s design matter? Because the Bible begins with a marriage, Adam and Eve, and ends with a marriage, Christ and His Bride the church in Revelation. Marriage is supremely important to God. One day we who know Christ and belong to Him will become the Bride of Christ, married to Jesus forever!

 

 

Do you see a pattern here?

All the purposes of God for your marriage are intended to be a reflection of His relationship with us individually. Our marriages show people—and believe me they are watching you more than you know—what it might be like to know God and to belong to Him forever. Your marriage is intended to be a witness.

Watch for part two in this series later this week.

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out some additional writing by Barbara on marriage:

“Small Stuff, Big Stuff, and the Power of Beautiful Belief in Marriage” “Remember When You Fell in Love?”

The post Your. Marriage. Matters. (Part One) appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

The Value of Together

 

Have you ever wondered where you belong? Looked for a place to fit in? Felt all alone right in the middle of all your people?

It’s okay. I have too. We all have.

Together matters even when we don’t feel the connections as we’d like. Home matters, too, because that’s where belonging begins.

You’ve likely heard the phrase before: Home is where you belong. Home is a biblical idea; God made us to be connected to specific people—our families—in a specific place: our homes. And it’s biblical because God will call us to live with Him forever one day in His Home.

 

 

Many of you recently found yourself in the back-to-school scurry at your home. You’re reorganizing your family into this year’s fall routine and trying to keep up with crockpot dinners, practice schedules, lunch money, and scheduled family nights.

Maybe you are like me and you’ve asked yourself, “Why am I doing all of this?!” on more than one overly busy day.

We women do tend to take on more than can be done. At least this woman does. But I know that what I’m doing matters, that my efforts might result in good for those I love. I no longer have kids at home, but I’m always looking for opportunities to gather with my family … knowing that something meaningful might take place when we are together for those weekends or holidays or vacations.  And that hope is all this mom needs to keep going. To keep getting my family together.

The word gather is used over 130 times throughout the Old and New Testaments, which means it’s not an inconsequential concept. The most common use is in reference to God gathering us, His people.

Deuteronomy 30:3 says, “God will gather you again from all the peoples …” and in Matthew 18:20 Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them.”

 

 

Gathering together mirrors God’s familial relationship with His Son and with us, His children. It is therefore a very biblical practice. If gathering is something God does, and we are to imitate Him, then I want to bring my people together and make it meaningful for my King.

 

 

There is an old hymn that sings of the day we will be gathered together without sin, without death, with the One who bought us with His blood. The chorus of, “Shall We Gather at the River,” is the part I remember and it goes like this:

 

Yes, we’ll gather at the river

The beautiful, the beautiful river

Gather with the saints at the river

That flows by the throne of God

 

Since the Garden of Eden, when God placed the garden home He made for Adam and Eve at the headwaters of the Tigris and Euphrates, rivers have been gathering places for His children.

Did you know?

God’s people lived near the Nile River in Egypt and into that river Moses was placed with a prayer and hopes of deliverance.The Jordan River formed the entrance to the promised land and in those waters Jesus was baptized.In the foreign land of Babylon, God’s people gathered together at the River Chebar, where one day Ezekiel saw his visions of angels and a future God would unfold one day.And on the banks of the same Tigris River once enjoyed by Adam and Eve, Daniel saw a vision of a man dressed in linen with a belt of pure gold around his waist. Life-altering moments happened near rivers of water.

Perhaps that’s why in Acts 16, Paul and his companions, recently arrived in Phillipi, went on the Sabbath “to a riverside where we were supposing there would be a place of prayer, and we sat down and began speaking to the women who were assembled.”

I wondered when I read this verse:

Why were there no men?Why were these women not at the synagogue on the Sabbath or were they not allowed?Were the women all Gentiles?Why did Paul and his friends assume this was where they could find those whose hearts were open to God?

Like Lydia and her friends who met Paul and Jesus that day, women today are often the instigators of gatherings—whether by a river, in our kitchens, or even at a park while our kids play.

We are also usually the leaders of gatherings of family and friends around holidays and other special occasions. This desire to share life together is good because we know God is present when two or more believers gather together.

This year as you prepare for intentional time together even in the busyness of the day to day, try to remember that your gathering is both a link to generations past and a foretaste of the day when God will gather all of His children to Himself for the wedding supper of the Lamb!  And teach these truths to your family so they too can anticipate their one day future too.

Celebrate together both your heritage and your future!

 

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