Barbara Rainey's Blog, page 23

How Long Is an Age?

 

Last words are important. They’re meaningful.

Spoken before death or by a soldier leaving for deployment, parting words are memorable. Often those words keep the left-behind ones getting up each morning, counting the days as they wait for the anticipated reunion. 

So the last words Jesus, before He ascended to heaven, are some of the most influential words ever uttered … they were remembered by His disciples both in the first century and by we His disciples in the 21st century. 

Jesus charged His followers to make disciples in all nations. Then, with risen-from-the-dead authority, Jesus said, “… behold I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). Those who heard this promise believed it. Jesus had never lied. 

Like all of us, I think of Jesus being with me always very personally; with me only, in my circumstances, in my world today. But I forget He has been with millions of His disciples for 2,000 years! His presence is never ending. It lasts beyond our lifetimes, “to the end of the age.” We today know what the disciples couldn’t have imagined: “to the end of the age” has been a very long time.

His disciples had wondered out loud, “Tell us, when will these things be, … and the end of the age?” In reply Jesus gave warning signs, vivid descriptions of days to come and told multiple parables. Though much is still unclear, two of his direct commands are unmistakable. “Be on the alert, be ready,” … “as you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to Me” (Matthew 24:42 and 25:40). 

Our commission is to be ready and to be servants.

His promise is to be with us always.

From our first breath to our last, His presence has been and always will be with us. Psalm 139:16 describes it: “In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” 

His presence spans farther still, not just the length of my life and yours but to the end of the age when He will be physically on earth again. “Be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming” (Matthew 24:42).

During the days after His Resurrection, Jesus was with His disciples and hundreds of followers for 40 days, reminding them that He was both alive and present with them.  

Though we cannot see His physical form as did the 12 disciples and others, He is with us even more closely. We who believe and follow Him today are indwelt by His Holy Spirit. This is astounding news. Jesus was only physically present with His people when He was on earth. At Pentecost His Spirit came to live, to dwell, to inhabit our physical bodies so that Jesus’ with-us presence is multiplied around the globe! 

No matter how long it is until the end of the age comes, God is with us. That is the good news every day of our lives. We will never outlive His abiding presence!

Give thanks today for His with-you presence no matter what your world feels like today.  

HE IS WITH YOU!!! Always!!!

 

Please click the link below to download and print:

Devotional

Scripture Note Card (5×7)

 

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Friends & Family Fridays #6

Happy Summer everyone!

Summer for me means early morning walks because it’s too hot later in the day, staying on top of the weeds which grow too fast, picking blueberries and peaches, and making lots of BLTs with farmers market Arkansas tomatoes. Seasons do seem to be defined around favorite foods and activities which gives life a satisfying rhythm.

Early June was very full for us. Week one was filled with the ongoing still unresolved situation we are in personally, (which I can’t yet share but thank you for your prayers), followed by week two and an RV vacation with our son Samuel and his family. 

Dennis and I flew to blazing hot Phoenix AZ, arriving at sunset with the temp still 105 or more. We landed about the same time as Samuel and Stephanie’s three kids, all of us meeting at baggage claim. We loaded our bags in the rental car and drove to the hotel where Samuel and Stephanie were speaking at a Weekend to Remember.

Sunday morning Dennis and I delighted in listening to them speak and conclude the conference. They do such a great job! I know I’m biased.

Then we got our rented RV and took off for Sedona, AZ, followed by days at the Grand Canyon and other sites, and ending at Zion National Park where we met up with our daughter Ashley and her family in their rented RV. We had spaces in the same campsite so the nine cousins had a great time playing games of all kinds and the six of us adults enjoyed our meals together and conversations by the campfire. We went on long hikes both days and enjoyed the beauty and glory of God’s creation. 

   

Everyone enjoyed it so much plans are already being discussed for next summer! 

After we returned I began a project I’ve been anticipating for a while; sorting through all my product samples and product archives. Now that we have closed the store it was time to organize and simplify all that remained. Since I enjoy organizing and making sense out of piles of things it was a satisfying accomplishment. 

As June ends I’m looking at the rest of the summer as a time to refocus and hear from God about what He has for us. Dennis and I will be taking some days off to reconnect and be refreshed and to plan for the next year. In this season of life I’m more determined than ever to do only those things God clearly gives us to do.

The days ahead could be very short. No one knows God’s plans.

I’ve said before we need to be watching the sky … anticipating as never before the certain promised return of Jesus. I want to live ready to meet Him at any minute. Paul wrote to Timothy “there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing” (2 Timothy 4:8).

No doubt all will be surprised in the moment of His return. But some will not be ready and might wish they’d paid more attention to His command to watch. I want to be in the company of those who have been watching, eagerly waiting and who “have loved His appearing.” 

I hope you will be too.

 

 

 

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50 Character Qualities We Hoped to Teach Our Children

Y ou’re getting your child’s classroom syllabus for all the benchmarks he’ll be required to know over the next months for science, math, art, and history. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what you needed to teach him for knowing God better?

Dennis and I made a list of 50 qualities we hoped to teach our children before they left home at 18. We worked on our list over many years and in the end didn’t accomplish all of them. But having a list of values, a vision for what we believed was crucial, kept us more focused on what mattered most.

Consider this post a parent curriculum … your teaching syllabus with one lesson plan tucked in to get you started. The course goal is to answer the question, How will you be your child’s primary influencer?

Dennis and I will never forget that incredible moment when our daughter Ashley was born. The doctor cleaned her up and handed her to us. Dennis said he wanted to blurt out, “Thanks for the gift, but where are the instructions?” 

When we started this journey, we had a few ideas of what it meant to be a parent and raise children. We also had  lots of idealistic resolutions about what we’d never do! In conversations short and long we talked randomly about what we hoped for: children who respected authority, who knew the value of work, and kids who were kind to others, especially those considered unlovable.

As a way to capture the hopes and vision we had for our children, we began to write our desires on paper. We knew releasing godly, mature children who could stand on their own at 18 would take intentionality from us.

Modeling was crucial, but so was instruction, as Solomon wrote to his son, “Listen my son to your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 1:8).

Raising children requires huge chunks of time, prayer, discipline, involvement, and relationship-building. To make the most of all of this parenting love, effort, and privilege, it’s best to know where you’re headed.

Here’s our list of the 50 character traits we wanted to teach our children. It is presented here pretty much as it appears on a now-tattered 8.5 x 11 piece of yellowed notebook paper. It’s not fancy, but it is a glimpse into our God-focused values for our kids.

At the at the end of the list, I’ll give you a practical way or two to begin to teach a few of these concepts to your children.

Above all, fear God.Respect authority—trust and obey your parents.The importance of friendships.Be in love with Christ and focus on your relationship with Him, not just on doctrine or on biblical principles.Have compassion for the poor and orphans.Believe God for too much rather than too little.Real strength is found in serving, not in being served.The power of moral purity and a clean conscience.How to motivate people without manipulating them.How to handle failure.Keep your promises.The power of the tongue for good or evil.Give too much rather than too little.The importance of manners and common courtesies.View life through God’s agenda—the Great Commission (Matthew 28:16-20) and the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37-38). Give thanks to God in all things.The importance of prayer.The art of asking good questions and carrying on good conversation.How to grow as a Christian.How to handle temptation.By faith, trust Christ as your Savior and Lord, and share with others how to become a Christian.Seek wisdom—skill in everyday living. Knowing how to make good decisions.Gain a sense of God’s direction and destiny for your life.Stay teachable and do not become cynical.Obtain godly counsel.The importance of flexibility and adaptability to cope in life.Truth is best passed on through relationships.Leave a legacy of holiness.Keep life manageable. Prioritize decisions.Tame selfishness—you can’t always get your way.Choices are yours to make and results are yours to experience.Respect the dignity of other people—all people.Be faithful in the little things.Character is the basis of all leadership.Life isn’t fair—don’t compare with or be jealous of others.Live by commitments, not by feelings.Express grace and forgiveness.A strong work ethic.Surrender to the authority of Christ.How to handle your finances.Major in the majors, not in the minors. The principle of remembrance: milestones and landmarks. Importance of accountability or the deadly nature of isolation.How to motivate people without manipulating them.The importance saying no often to keep life manageable.Respect the dignity of all people.How to lead and how to follow.Mediocrity is a reproach against God.Assume nothing and regularly inspect critical areas in your life. Love conquers all—better to be kind than to be right.

Does the list feel overwhelming? It did to me too. It would have helped if Dennis and I had taken the time to synthesize the list, edit it down to the essence, or prioritize the top 10 or even 20. But we were too busy keeping our family afloat to fine-tune this list. Still it was a reminder of our goal and that was its purpose: to keep us going in the right direction.

One of the most important of these for us was #37: Express grace and forgiveness. It’s a value that can be taught to children from ages 2 to 18.

Dennis and I had learned in our marriage the importance of naming our offenses when we hurt one another and then asking for specific forgiveness. So we taught our children the same.

As soon as they could talk and purposefully hurt a sibling, we coached our children to repeat after us: “I’m sorry I [hit you … took your toy … etc.]. Will you forgive me?”  We then coached the offended sibling to say sincerely: “I forgive you for [hitting me … taking my toy…].” Then we made them hug each other.

No parent can change a child’s heart, but we can train our children in the right way to resolve conflict and pray for God’s heart-changing power to work in them. This quality was a must for us because relational conflict will be with all of us for life. Helping our children be specific and name their sin sets them on the pathway to understanding their need of a Savior and establishing healthy relationships.

This lesson on forgiveness was one we repeated thousands of times, and sometimes the lesson got complicated. When one of our sons was about 10, he took his brother’s prized penny from his penny collection. Our first challenge was to confirm that he in fact stole the penny and not someone else, because he denied being the thief. Then we had to deal with his lying about it. Then we had to teach restitution after he’d finally confessed, apologized, and asked for forgiveness. Clearly this instruction elevated to more than “repeat after me.” And it took hours of our time one evening to get the facts and teach the lessons.

Relentless is a good word to describe the work of parenting. Too often parents give up or let situations like this one with our son slide by because they are too tired to deal with it. We understand. We felt the same way most every day.

But if you choose to ignore these offences you are missing crucial teaching opportunities God is giving you. And you are undermining another key value, the fear of God. If your child believes he can get away with sin, there is little reason for your child to avoid it. If you don’t pursue the truth and hold her accountable for her actions, all motivation for doing good evaporates.

No, we didn’t perfectly teach each and every one of these lessons to our kids, but we were committed to being intentional about reinforcing these qualities every time we had the opportunity. For 28 years we never stopped training, teaching, and cheering our children on. As Galatians 6:9 tells us, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

How about writing your own list?  What character qualities and values do you want to teach your children before they leave home?

 

In our book, The Art of Parenting , Dennis and I write more about the process of writing your own list of values to teach your children. This will make a huge difference in your marriage and in your parenting. If you take the time to create a unified list of values, you will be operating literally off the set of blueprints And nothing is more important for kids than unified parents. If you are a single mom this will be easier for you but especially important because you need their help and working with them as a team for the good of your family will instill great character qualities that will last a lifetime.

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Summer Bucket List: 30 Ideas to Try This Summer

 

Janel is a dear friend to Ever Thine Home and has contributed many blog posts over the years. Her writing is very whimsical and yet also full of wisdom. She is a mom to four kids so she is no stranger to the challenges of summer and the pressure to keep little ones entertained. She is finishing up her first book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills for Work-in-Progress Families that releases later this year. Enjoy these fun ideas and I hope you are able to incorporate these into your summer plans. — Barbara 

 

Has your family started the summer break countdown? It’s important to make your time with your kids as intentional as possible. But knowing where to start isn’t easy. Here are 30 ideas to try this summer.

Ideas to do with younger kids:

Have a marathon story time. Pile together on the couch or on the bed and snuggle into an adventure — or a lot of little adventures.Grab the roll of art paper and let your kids draw a table-length network of roads for their Matchbox cars, complete with buildings, trees, or whatever — or let them draw a house that their dolls can sit in. Take a few minutes to get down and draw with them.Put a “do nothing” day on the calendar. Purchase fun snacks and veg doing stuff together all day: playing games, watching movies, going to the park — whatever a fun day looks like for your family.Let ‘em camp in the backyard. Make s’mores over the grill for an authentic-feeling (and tasting!) snack.Make a heap of creative greeting cards to send to people you love. As a bonus, take pictures of each other (maybe as you make the cards!), print them, and stick them in the envelope with your works of art.Pick a Scripture verse or passage you think they can handle, and memorize it together. Decide on a reward if you can both do it!Let them write, direct, costume, sell tickets for, and otherwise plan a play in the backyard. If they need starters, let them act out a favorite storybook or Bible story. Your role: the audience.Have a sleepover with that friend they’ve been missing. Or, challenge your son or daughter to invite someone over who might be feeling lonely.Get your heads together to plan one act of service every week — maybe as a surprise.Have an ice cream sundae night.Help them choose one thing they’d love to do this summer (like sleep in, or have a friend over) and one project to tackle that they’ve been putting off (like cleaning the closet). Then develop a plan for both.Take them out to lunch or breakfast, just the two of you.Fly kites together.Make sock puppets, and then put on a show. Or do the old-fashioned draw-on-your-hand and turn your hand into a puppet. Duck behind the couch and use the top of the couch as the stage. Have them act out a story they already know from a movie or something you’ve seen or read recently.Sing old camp songs and teach the kids how to sing them.

Ideas to do with older kids:

Pick out a book you both want to read this summer so that you can talk about it together.Learn something new together. Maybe they’d like to learn how to sew, put together a model, bake bread, carve something, make candles, build something in the shop, scrapbook — or even take a one-time class with you somewhere around town.Put a “do nothing” day on the calendar. Purchase fun snacks and veg doing stuff together all day: playing games, watching movies, going to the park — whatever a fun day looks like for your family.Pick a room to repaint and/or, within a budget, redecorate together.Go local. Do something around your town that you haven’t done before!Pick a night to plan and make a meal together.Have a game night, but make it a tournament with a prize everyone wants: a day with no chores, a gift certificate to the movies, or a “date” with a family member of choice.Go on a spontaneous road trip, just the two of you.Get your heads together to plan one act of service every week — maybe as a surprise.Let them have friends over to make their own personal pizzas in cake pans and watch a good movie.Take them out for lunch or coffee, just the two of you.Go to a park with a picnic, a camera, and maybe a good book. Relax, chat, and shoot photos of one another.Drive down a country road with Vivaldi’s Four Seasons blaring out your rolled-down windows.See an Independence Day Parade. Then teach your children about Independence Day.Go on a picnic.

Okay, your turn: What are you doing this summer? And do you have any ideas for the rest of us?

 

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, and speaker. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her first book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills for Work-in-Progress Families (Harvest House) releases October 2021. You can find her—”The Awkward Mom”—having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com and on Instagram @janelbreit.

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Dear Barbara: Do Second Marriages Matter?

Dear Barbara: Do second marriages matter? You talk so much about staying together and making marriage work. What if my first marriage didn’t and now I’m trying again? Can I honor God with a new marriage?

I appreciate the honest question. When we added an official ministry to stepfamilies several years ago at FamilyLife, we received a lot of comments on both sides of this question. Many asked how we can be for blended families, second marriages, and subsequent families if we are against divorce. Especially since God is so adamantly against divorce.

It’s a fair concern if we look only at what God is against. So instead of starting with what God hates, let’s go to the beginning and look at what He is for. God designed marriage. It was His grand idea. Therefore, He is for marriage. The reason He is so against divorce is because He loves marriage and what it represents so much!

So I’ll let you help me answer your question, “Do second marriages matter?” by asking another question. “Does marriage matter?”

YES!  Resoundingly yes. And since marriage matters, every marriage matters: first marriages, remarriages, second marriages, subsequent marriages.

Every marriage matters to God. So if you’re in a wedded covenant relationship with your spouse and God, then your marriage matters. Your current covenant is held in absolute equal honor, value, and esteem as any marriage covenant.

Ron Deal, head of FamilyLife Blended, says many in second marriages feel like second-class citizens. That’s not what God intends. Ron suggests that even though you may not live in an “ideal” family configuration, Christians in stepfamilies certainly aren’t second-class Christians in God’s kingdom. 

In our own way, each of us has fallen short of God’s glory, and each of us needs His grace. God’s plan of one man and one woman in marriage for life does bring greater harmony to the home, but living in an intact family does not determine worth in God’s eyes, nor ability to receive God’s forgiveness.

To prove it, let’s look at one stepfamily found in the Bible. Look at Abraham. He lied on two occasions, saying Sarah wasn’t his wife. He was afraid for his life so he publicly disowned her. 

As women living in a multiple-marriage household, Sarah and Hagar fought over which of their sons would be the most important in Abraham’s family. Much like a modern-day stepfamily, there was jealousy, bitter rivalries, and loyalty conflicts between Abraham and his two wives (see Genesis 16 and 21). And the problems didn’t stop with his generation.  

If we analyze the families of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, often referred to as the “family of promise,” we see power struggles, family secrets, exploitive and coercive relationships, marital game-playing, manipulation, and parent-child alliances for selfish reasons.  

Apparently, according to these stories God wanted us to know about in His Word, you can have a less-than-ideal family and still be acceptable to God. Ron draws the obvious conclusion: God loves stepfamilies and the individuals who live in them, too.

There are no second-class citizens in God’s kingdom simply because there are no first-class citizens. Equally, there are not important marriages worth fighting for, and unimportant marriages that don’t matter because others didn’t work out.

We’re all just sinners in need of a Savior. If God could use imperfect men like Abraham and David with complicated family households for His purposes, why can’t He use people in stepfamilies? If God can bring redemption to the houses of Isaac and Jacob, can’t He bring redemption to yours?

The exciting message of the cross is this: God loves and forgives the imperfect people in stepfamilies and subsequent marriages just like He loves and forgives the imperfect people in first marriages with biologically intact families.

Do you know another reason second marriages matter? They model marriage to the next generation. Even if a first marriage failed, this marriage can last. You have a renewed chance to leave a legacy of commitment and family health for your children and grandchildren.

Future generations are influenced by preventing redivorce and strengthening stepfamilies to improve the environment in which the children grow up. Children from healthy stepfamilies have healthier attitudes about marriage, make better choices, and are more likely to remain in one marriage for life. All it takes is one generation and the generational cycle of divorce is broken to redeem a family legacy.

Again, be assured. Your second marriage matters: in covenant to God, to your own personal health, to the future history of your family. We’re here to help you make your marriage last.

 

For more, check out Ron Deal’s post God Loves Stepfamilies Too.

Visit FamilyLife Blended online.

Go to a Weekend to Remember. 

The post Dear Barbara: Do Second Marriages Matter? appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

“Can You Fix My Spouse?” (And Why That Prayer Doesn’t Work)

 

When Jodie Berndt asked if I would consider endorsing her new book , Praying the Scriptures for Your Life , I gladly agreed. Like Jodie, I appreciate the power of prayer—particularly as it shapes our friendships, our parenting, and our marriages.

One of the things I love about Jodie’s writing is her honesty. She doesn’t hold back, and any wife who’s ever asked God to change her man (or who’s gone down the nagging road in her own attempt to “fix” him) will relate to her story.

Welcome, Jodie. Thank you for helping us trust God to work in our marriages—and also in our own hearts. — Barbara

 

“The moment you marry someone,” writes Tim Keller, “you and your spouse begin to change in profound ways, and you can’t know ahead of time what those changes will be.”

My husband can vouch for the truth of Keller’s claim. “College Jodie” (the woman Robbie fell in love with) was very different from “Career Jodie” (the woman he married three months after graduation). And when “Wife Jodie” became “Wife and Mother Jodie,” she morphed yet again. I won’t go into the details of each subsequent transformation, other than to say that College Jodie was way more fun than any of the subsequent models.

And somewhere along the way—it was maybe a year into our post-nuptial bliss—“Nag Jodie” presented herself. Robbie wasn’t doing anything wrong per se. He just wasn’t doing all the things that my father had done (or he was doing them differently!), and the clash in our expectations about who did what in a marriage played itself out almost every night.

Sometimes my preferred communication style was sarcasm (“humor,” I told myself); sometimes I’d bang a few pots and pans to let Robbie know I needed help in the kitchen; sometimes I’d just clam up, thinking that my beloved should instinctively know what was wrong. (Looking back, that last approach—the one where I didn’t say anything—probably came as a balm to Robbie’s newlywed soul.) 

Not knowing what else to do, I turned to God.

“Can’t you fix Robbie?” I prayed. “I’m just as tired as he is when I get home from work every night, and I wish I didn’t have to keep asking him to pitch in.”

“Jodie,” I sensed God say, “it will be okay. If you will stop nagging Robbie and start trusting me, I can make him into a better husband than anything you could have asked for or imagined.”

I didn’t know then that God was quoting himself (the “more than all we ask or imagine” thing comes from Ephesians 3:20 NIV), but I agreed to back off. And that very night, Robbie came into the kitchen and offered to help me cook dinner.

I burst into tears. (Of joy—but poor Robbie didn’t know that. He probably wondered what else he’d done wrong.)

I wish I could say I stopped nagging forever (I didn’t), but I learned a lesson that day. I learned that we can’t change anyone. Yes, our spouses will change (and sometimes we’ll go through seasons in marriage where we need to figure out how to love someone who’s not at all like the person we married), but shaping another person is not our job.

It’s God’s. And God is always at work, Scripture says, taking our stony hearts and making them flesh, renewing our minds, and making us look more like him. (See, for instance, Ezekiel 36:26; Romans 12:2; and 2 Corinthians 3:18.)

We can’t change (or “fix”) anybody, but we can ask God to bless and protect our marriage partner—especially when we don’t feel particularly inclined to extend love out of our own reservoir. In fact, according to a Wall Street Journal report, “when people pray for the well-being of their spouse when they feel a negative emotion in the marriage, both partners—the one doing the praying and the one being prayed for—report greater relationship satisfaction.”

“Greater relationship satisfaction.”

That sounds very important and official. But let’s put it plainly, shall we?

If you’re annoyed with your spouse—they left the toilet seat up, they were late again, they did whatever—don’t get mad. Try praying for them instead.

It will make you both happier.

If you want to know more (and access more than a dozen specific prayers you can pray for things like kindness, forgiveness, and patience in marriage), check out the just-released Praying the Scriptures for Your Life.

Can’t wait to pray? Here’s one of my favorites you can use right now:

Heavenly Father,

In humility, let us value one another above ourselves, not looking to our own interests but to each other’s interests and well-being. ( Philippians 2:3-4 NIV )

Amen

JODIE BERNDT is the author of the bestselling Praying the Scriptures book series, including the brand-new Praying the Scriptures for Your Life. Jodie writes about prayer and other family topics on her blog at JodieBerndt.com and on Instagram. She and her husband, Robbie, have four adult children and live in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

 

The post “Can You Fix My Spouse?” (And Why That Prayer Doesn’t Work) appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

“Can You Fix My Spouse?” (and why that prayer doesn’t work)

 

When Jodie Berndt asked if I would consider endorsing her new book , Praying the Scriptures for Your Life , I gladly agreed. Like Jodie, I appreciate the power of prayer—particularly as it shapes our friendships, our parenting, and our marriages.

One of the things I love about Jodie’s writing is her honesty. She doesn’t hold back, and any wife who’s ever asked God to change her man (or who’s gone down the nagging road in her own attempt to “fix” him) will relate to her story.

Welcome, Jodie. Thank you for helping us trust God to work in our marriages—and also in our own hearts. — Barbara

 

“The moment you marry someone,” writes Tim Keller, “you and your spouse begin to change in profound ways, and you can’t know ahead of time what those changes will be.”

My husband can vouch for the truth of Keller’s claim. “College Jodie” (the woman Robbie fell in love with) was very different from “Career Jodie” (the woman he married three months after graduation). And when “Wife Jodie” became “Wife and Mother Jodie,” she morphed yet again. I won’t go into the details of each subsequent transformation, other than to say that College Jodie was way more fun than any of the subsequent models.

And somewhere along the way—it was maybe a year into our post-nuptial bliss—“Nag Jodie” presented herself. Robbie wasn’t doing anything wrong per se. He just wasn’t doing all the things that my father had done (or he was doing them differently!), and the clash in our expectations about who did what in a marriage played itself out almost every night.

Sometimes my preferred communication style was sarcasm (“humor,” I told myself); sometimes I’d bang a few pots and pans to let Robbie know I needed help in the kitchen; sometimes I’d just clam up, thinking that my beloved should instinctively know what was wrong. (Looking back, that last approach—the one where I didn’t say anything—probably came as a balm to Robbie’s newlywed soul.) 

Not knowing what else to do, I turned to God.

“Can’t you fix Robbie?” I prayed. “I’m just as tired as he is when I get home from work every night, and I wish I didn’t have to keep asking him to pitch in.”

“Jodie,” I sensed God say, “it will be okay. If you will stop nagging Robbie and start trusting me, I can make him into a better husband than anything you could have asked for or imagined.”

I didn’t know then that God was quoting himself (the “more than all we ask or imagine” thing comes from Ephesians 3:20 NIV), but I agreed to back off. And that very night, Robbie came into the kitchen and offered to help me cook dinner.

I burst into tears. (Of joy—but poor Robbie didn’t know that. He probably wondered what else he’d done wrong.)

I wish I could say I stopped nagging forever (I didn’t), but I learned a lesson that day. I learned that we can’t change anyone. Yes, our spouses will change (and sometimes we’ll go through seasons in marriage where we need to figure out how to love someone who’s not at all like the person we married), but shaping another person is not our job.

It’s God’s. And God is always at work, Scripture says, taking our stony hearts and making them flesh, renewing our minds, and making us look more like him. (See, for instance, Ezekiel 36:26; Romans 12:2; and 2 Corinthians 3:18.)

We can’t change (or “fix”) anybody, but we can ask God to bless and protect our marriage partner—especially when we don’t feel particularly inclined to extend love out of our own reservoir. In fact, according to a Wall Street Journal report, “when people pray for the well-being of their spouse when they feel a negative emotion in the marriage, both partners—the one doing the praying and the one being prayed for—report greater relationship satisfaction.”

“Greater relationship satisfaction.”

That sounds very important and official. But let’s put it plainly, shall we?

If you’re annoyed with your spouse—they left the toilet seat up, they were late again, they did whatever—don’t get mad. Try praying for them instead.

It will make you both happier.

If you want to know more (and access more than a dozen specific prayers you can pray for things like kindness, forgiveness, and patience in marriage), check out the just-released Praying the Scriptures for Your Life.

Can’t wait to pray? Here’s one of my favorites you can use right now:

Heavenly Father,

In humility, let us value one another above ourselves, not looking to our own interests but to each other’s interests and well-being. ( Philippians 2:3-4 NIV )

Amen

JODIE BERNDT is the author of the bestselling Praying the Scriptures book series, including the brand-new Praying the Scriptures for Your Life. Jodie writes about prayer and other family topics on her blog at JodieBerndt.com and on Instagram. She and her husband, Robbie, have four adult children and live in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

 

The post “Can You Fix My Spouse?” (and why that prayer doesn’t work) appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

Surprised by George

 

Though he was not cloaked in a coarse brown friar’s habit, the old man’s short cropped grey hair, ancient spectacles, wide girth, and shuffling gait suggested otherwise to me. His ringless fingers created lilting music during two evening dinners at the quaint Vermont inn. Like our chef he, too, was eager to hear approval of his offerings.

“Amazing Grace” brought a polite applause from Dennis and me. After several other songs, our pianist slowly walked to our table to greet his appreciative audience. He humbly received our gratitude and introduced himself as George. He had heard from a friend of ours, also staying at the inn, that I was an artist who had made some crosses. He was quite curious about my work.

After a simple explanation of His Savior Names ornaments, he shared that he too loved Christmas and Easter; he was a collector of nativities and gilded eggs from around the world.  Though his eyes gleamed as he talked, his lightly accented speech was barely audible.  My husband and I strained to hear enough to comprehend his unfolding story.

When I asked about his studies, he told us he had studied in Rome and Israel.  I understood the words “theology” and “art” in his reply. Then he told of a sterling silver enameled egg he found in New York City. Like the man in Jesus’ parable about the kingdom of heaven who sold all he had to buy the pearl of great price, George saved for three years to purchase this exquisite egg for his collection.

He asked if we would we be in town the next day, for he would be delighted to show us his collections. Sadly we were departing. He was truly disappointed. As he walked away to return to his piano I marveled at the wonder of this man, living at the end of his life in a town of 600 souls, his story a repository of experiences perhaps as remarkable as Louis Zamperini.

Later in the evening he asked if he could play us a medley of songs to which we agreed.  “Holy, Holy, Holy,” “How Great Thou Art” and other hymns we didn’t recognize filled the air with their gentle, beautiful notes.

Our dinner complete, we stopped to speak to George on our way out.  Another softly spoken story began as an explanation of the music we hadn’t recognized. We caught glimpses of his childhood as a French Canadian, one of eight children. In the fifth grade, George was the soloist in his church. His music teacher said his voice was like an angel’s.

He began to sing in French and play simple tunes long stored in his memory from childhood. When I asked for a translation, he replied, “They are for the children, ‘Jesu, Jesu, etre avec moi.’”

As we finally pulled away from the lonely old man, we felt as though we had been with a treasure. What other life experiences were stored within? A man made in the image of God, though clouded by recent strokes and the gravity of age. Still we glimpsed God’s glory in George. His passion for music and art and beauty shone brightly. And like all of us, he drank in our affirmation and brief relationship. It was healing medicine for his soul, but we were the ones in awe of this humble jewel of God’s making.

Before we left the inn the next day we asked our hostess more about George and learned he still traveled to Prague every year, by invitation, to perform a solo concert. Another surprise about the unassuming pianist.

I sent George a gift of crosses from the Ever Thine Home collection. And I prayed that, as he read the stories about each name of Jesus, he would know the One who formed him long ago with such beautiful talents.

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Friends & Family Fridays #5

Hey Everyone!

Summer is here and masks are going away! 

May has been full. I had an email to all of you started earlier this month and then three days ago I wrote another email. And now I’m changing it again. So much for planning ahead. God rules!

Dennis and I appreciate your friendship and need your prayers right now.  I hope to be able to explain in the future. 

If you would pray for us we would be so very grateful. We need lots of wisdom. We need strength, courage and stamina. 

I have learned a LOT about suffering in my life. It’s one of my life messages that I hope to write about one day. 

Today I want to share a few highlights and photos from this month that contained lots of family time.  

First, the month began with five of my girls here for a weekend. As I wrote in April my goals were to serve these young moms who needed a break from being on duty 24/7 and to listen, grateful to be in their presence. And that is what I did.

I also shared some verses with them that have encouraged me this spring. I’m including them for you because even today my heart needed them. Knowing God is with me, for us, holding our hands, and working in unseen ways is very comforting.

“He rescued me, because He delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19

“ … the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him.” Psalm 139:11

“The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous … “ Psalm 34:15

“ … I am continually with You; You hold my right hand.” Psalm 73:23

“ … the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.” Psalm 103:13

Here too are a few photos from that weekend.

The next family event was a graduation. We went to Dallas where Dennis had board meetings with Dallas Theological Seminary and our son-in-law, Michael Escue, graduated in the class of 2021. We were there with his sons and his wife, our daughter Ashley. We so admire Michael for this remarkable accomplishment. He did all his classes online while maintaining a medical practice, being a father to seven sons and wife to Ashley, and being very involved in their church. 

And then this past weekend we attended graduation for our grandson Peterson Rainey. We also attended his sister’s soccer game and then his soccer game to qualify for the state soccer tournament. Peterson’s team won on Saturday and then again on Tuesday and Wednesday so they are now playing in the finals for the championship today, Friday. It was so fun to cheer for his team as they won those qualifying matches.

 

Thanks to all of you my friends for your encouragement. I will be taking a break from new blogging for a while, though I may send a personal email like this again in June. Dennis and I need to rest, regroup and have extended time to think and listen and hear from God. 

The last three and a half years have been really challenging for us. I’ve had multiple long-lasting health problems. We’ve suffered many losses including my mom’s death.  

So it’s time for a pause, a retreat as in battle when troops pull back to regroup before moving forward again into the fray. 

Over the summer we have several guest posts already lined up for June and July featuring some books I’m recommending. We will be sharing some of the best-of-the-best posts from the last few years. Many of you are new subscribers so these posts will be new to you. 

Have a great summer and keep growing in Jesus. 

He is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

He is the stability of our times. 

He is the Alpha and Omega. 

He will make all things new. 

He is coming again!!!! 

Maranatha, Come quickly Lord Jesus!

Amen and Amen.

 

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The Delight of Reading with Your Kids + What’s in My Mimi Bag!

“Now I will go and find my mother!” he said. “Are you my mother?” he said to the kitten. “Are you my mother?” he said to the hen?”

Ah, the familiarity and comfort of bedtime stories.

While I have given many of our shelves full of children’s books to our kids to read to their own, I kept some of my favorites to populate my travel bag for reading to my grands when we go visit. I love reading some of my favorites like Goodnight Moon or Blueberries for Sal to my grandchildren. (See the lists below to find out what’s currently in my Mimi bag!)

Reading a good book with a child nuzzled underneath your neck is magical. Little ones help turn pages while older ones correct you if the adult reading misses even one word. Cuddling such innocence creates a bond as the wonder of imagination and discovery is sparked by words, hand-drawn illustrations, and creative story lines.

As Gladys Hunt puts it in one of my favorite books about reading to children, Honey for a Child’s Heart, “Children don’t stumble onto good books by themselves; they must be introduced to the wonder of words put together in such a way that they spin out pure joy and magic.”

The importance of a good book

Being intentional is a parent’s job. We intentionally plan healthy meals, choose the best school, church, and play activities for our children’s growth. Selecting and reading the best books is equally important.

Good books spark imagination and creativity. They teach, guide, and model virtues and excellence in wise living. Proverbs describes good words this way: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). What a delightful, happy parenting task reading is.

One of my favorite parenting memories is the year we read all of the Little House on the Prairie books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Most afternoons I put my two littlest ones down for naps and the four big kids and I piled on the couch. Rebecca nestled on my lap; the others leaned in with heads on shoulders, legs folded snuggly into couch cushions.

Every time we ended a chapter, they begged for just one more. I often agreed because I loved reading these remarkable stories as much as my kids enjoyed hearing them. We laughed and cried together. And we bonded in those hours.

The overwhelming majority of that mommy season of my life was filled with the hard work of meals, laundry, discipline, training, and endless messes to clean up. But our afternoons of reading were pure pleasure. They were an escape for all of us into another time and another world. Our souls were fed together.

Never too old

Reading magic isn’t over once your child is too big to climb up on your knees. When my youngest two were teens I sat with them against their twin bed headboards and read The Hiding Place to them, a chapter every night.

This book prompted discussions about all kinds of big ideas because of the characters and messages that were presented in the story. I didn’t have to ask, “So what do you think about trusting God when it feels unfair and hard?” They got to watch and feel and hear and see a real person live out her faith when it felt impossible.

All thanks to a well-told story, kept alive in the pages of a book.

The right kind of books can give us the experience of words, which have power to evoke emotion and a sense of spiritual conviction. Well-written books will reinforce the values and morals you want to impart to your children. They help you parent.

A good book “introduces us to people and places we wouldn’t ordinarily know. A good book is a magic gateway into a wider world of wonder, beauty, delight, and adventure,” Hunt says.

And don’t forget audio books. For many summers on our annual road trips to see grandparents we listened to The Chronicles of Narnia as a family as we rode in the car for hours on end. Time went by more quickly and we had far fewer squabbles to settle because everyone was absorbed in the adventures of Peter, Susan, Edmond, and Lucy.

So summer is here. Your kids will be home. You have the gift of precious extra hours together. 

Here are some timeless and some new age-appropriate recommended books to get your family started on a summer of reading memories.

 

Books for children 2-6

Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown 

The Tale of Peter Rabbit and other Beatrix Potter books

Mother Goose nursery rhymes

Blueberries for Sal and Make Way for Ducklings, by Robert McCloskey

The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Seuss

Madeline books by Ludwig Bemelmans

A Child’s Garden of Verses (poems and rhymes) by Robert Louis Stevenson

Alexander and the Terrible ,Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (4-7+), by Judith Viorst

Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel

Baby Believer books (board books) by Catechesis Books

 

Ages 7-12

Dr. Seuss books (the more advanced reading levels)

Amelia Bedelia books by Peggy Parish

Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder

Charlotte’s Web, The Trumpeter Swan, and Stuart Little, by E.B. White

The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Princess and the Goblin and The Princess and Curdie, by George MacDonald

The Chronicles of Narnia series (wonderful as audio books too), by C.S. Lewis

A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeline L’Engle

Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates, by Hans Christian Andersen

Jonah and Esther, illustrated by Kurt Mitchell (the story straight Scripture)

Ages 13-17 and adults

The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings series, by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom

Anne of Green Gables, by Lucy Maud Montgomery (the 1985 TV series is also good)

God’s Smuggler, by Brother Andrew

Byzantium, by Stephen Lawhead

Nicholas and Alexandra, by Robert Massie

The Giver (15-17), by Lois Lowry

Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott 

The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak

Percy Jackson series, by Rick Riordan

The Inheritance Cycle (a series of 4 books) by Christopher Paolini and the Wingfeather Saga (a series of 4 books) by Andrew Peterson. My book worm grandsons recommended these and I read them as they were and it gave us a common interest and topic of conversation. The books are outstanding. 

 

In my Mimi book bag right now

Noah’s Ark and The Lion and the Mouse, both by Jerry Pinkney and illustrated by Laura Huliska-Beith. Both books are winners of the Caldecott award medal for outstanding art. Lincoln is 2½ and he loves these two books.

Burnie’s Hill, illustrated by Erik Blegvad. A repetitive rhyme from the north of England and Scotland. I bought it in England decades ago for my kids. I love the happy feel of the lyrics and the beautiful watercolors.

The Winter Picnic, by Robert Welber

Happy Winter, by Karen Gundersheimer

A Child’s Garden of Verses by Robert Lewis Stevenson. This is in my bag to read with Rainey, who is 8 and loves poems and rhyming stories as much as I do. 

 

Happy reading everyone!

 

 

For more ideas, order Gladys Hunt’s book, Honey for a Child’s Heart or the version for teens, Honey for a Teen’s Heart. And check out your local library for incentives they may offer, carefully guiding your child’s book selections. Not all books are good books.

 

 

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