Barbara Rainey's Blog, page 15

I AM the Light of the World

“I AM the Light of the World.
Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness,
but will have the light of life.”
John 8:12

This second declaration of “I AM” during Holy Week was made in the temple, a place full of people and priests busy with the business of church. Most of those present that day felt enlightened in the knowledge they were God’s chosen people. Those of us today who have been born again believe we now see clearly. But knowing truth can lead to arrogance which quickly blinds like an ever-thickening cataract.

The Light of the World sees everything. Luke 8:17 tells us, “Nothing is hidden … that will not be known.” And Psalm 11:4 says, “the Lord’s throne is in heaven; his eyes see, his eyelids test the children of man.

On this Monday of Holy Week, will you acknowledge your blindness? Are you willing to see that you can’t see?

Elijah prayed that God would open the eyes of his servant to see the invisible army of God. Today is the day and now is the time to ask God to show you what He sees in your heart. First we must see our sin, our inability to heal ourselves. Then we will see Jesus, the Light of the World.

He waits again today for you.

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I AM the Bread of Life

Holy Week is the most important week of the Christian calendar. To help you appreciate these last earthly days of Jesus’ life and to guide you into an experience of wonder and worship, I’ll be posting a short devotion each day here on the blog.

My greatest prayer in the last eight years has been that we, the children of God, would appropriately value this season above all others. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins” (1 Corinthians 15:17).

N.T. Wright said, “This is our greatest festival. Take Easter away and you don’t have a New Testament; you don’t have Christianity.”

I hope and pray you will grow to share my passion for making much of Easter every year, that the world might know Jesus as King and Lord.

Barbara

 

———

On Palm Sunday Jesus entered Jerusalem riding on a donkey. In those days a king who came to a city in peace rode on a donkey. And so Jesus in this moment fulfilled yet another prophecy spoken hundreds of years prior: “Behold, your king is coming to you; He is righteous and endowed with salvation, humble, and mounted on a donkey …” (Zechariah 9:9).

In remembrance of this day, churches around the world sing the story of Christ’s entrance and the worship and honor He received from His people. The hymn, “All Glory, Laud and Honor” was written around the year 820 A.D., and the first stanza, below, is often sung when all the children walk in waving their palm branches:

“All glory, laud and honor
to Thee, Redeemer, King!
to whom the lips of children
made sweet hosannas ring.”

As Holy Week officially begins … as the Lamb of God arrived to present Himself as our sacrifice … let us pay attention to His declarations of deity found in the Gospel of John.

“I AM the Bread of Life;
whoever comes to me shall not hunger …”
John 6:35

For what are you hungry today, this week, this season of your life?

Is there in your soul an ache, a pang of hunger for affection, attention, acceptance? Notice what is there within you and name it in prayer to the Bread of Life who longs to feed us with Himself.

All our attempts to feed our God-created soul needs will be only temporarily satisfying. Only the Bread of Life can feed us with nourishment that will last.

Come to Him today with your needs. He waits for you.

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The Barbara Rainey Podcast: How the Passover Foreshadows Easter

Easter is just around the corner! As you’ve heard me say many times, Easter is about a LOT more than pastel colors, the Easter Bunny, and new clothes. And as the mother of six and grandmother to many more, I have often pondered how to raise the bar, so to speak, when it comes to Easter.

On today’s episode of The Barbara Rainey Podcast, I talk about the many connections between Easter and Passover. I also discuss the Resurrection Day devotion cards I created a few years ago that look at how Passover tells the story of Jesus and the Crucifixion. Reading these stories with your family, even with young children, helps them begin to understand what Christ did for us over 2,000 years ago.

I encourage you to listen and see how you can make your Easter weekend more meaningful.  You can listen here or on major podcast platforms. The Resurrection Day Devotions cards are available here.

Also, today with your gift of $250 or more, we would love to send you an Easter tablescape to help you make your Resurrection Sunday table more about Christ. In this bundle, you will receive eight napkins, printed with the Resurrection Day Devotion stories, that unveil Jesus’ journey to the cross. They are designed to be read before, during, or after your meal. Also included are eight placemats, each with a “Hallelujah” phrase about Jesus’ victory. And finally, the tablescape includes a 13” Redeemer Cross. It can serve as a centerpiece for your table. There are only a few of these bundles available, and with Easter in just a few days–make sure you request your tablescape today!

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7 Ways for Your Family to Experience the REAL Easter

Did you know that bunnies and chicks have nothing to do with Easter?

What a surprise!

Yes, I know that they are the focus of most Easter celebrations. They are comfortable and cute … unlike the cross and death at the center of the real Easter.

What Jesus accomplished on the cross is the pivotal moment in all of history, the greatest victory of all. As Easter week approaches, here are seven ways to make Holy Week and Easter Sunday meaningful, memorable, and worthy of the attention and celebration the Resurrection deserves.

1. Have your kids reenact Palm Sunday.Help them cut out fabric or construction paper for costumes and palm branches. Make a Hosanna banner to hang across the mantle of your living room stage for the performance. Review the story in Matthew 21:1-11 to find roles each family member can enact. Then have an adult read the story of Jesus’ triumphal entry as the children act it out, and end with a prayer of gratitude.

2. Buy seven 3-inch pillar candles and then download the DIY candle wraps in our ETSY store to apply to the candles. Arrange them down the center of your table or along a fireplace mantle or on a tray in your kitchen.

During Holy Week follow these steps for meaningful daily devotions beginning on Palm Sunday:

On Palm Sunday light all the candles (1-6) except the seventh that says I AM the Resurrection and the Life. On this day read John 6:35 and 51. Then talk together about what it means that Jesus is the Bread of Life. Then blow out all the candles.On Monday, light candles 2-6 (everything but the Bread of Life and not the Resurrection and the Life). Read John 8:12 and talk together about why it’s important that Jesus is the Light of the World. Pray and then blow out the candles.On Tuesday, light four candles (3-6), then read John 10:9. Talk about doors and why we need them and how Jesus is like a door. Why did He describe Himself that way? Then blow out the candles.On Wednesday, light three candles (4-6), read John 10:14-15 and talk together about Jesus as our Good Shepherd. Pray and extinguish your candles.Thursday’s Scripture is John 15:1 and 5. After lighting two candles (5-6), talk about vines, how grapes grow on vines, and what they need to flourish. How is Jesus like a vine? Pray again together and blow out the candles.On Good Friday light the remaining candle and read John 14:6. This verse contains a trinity of names Jesus uses for Himself. Talk about what they all mean to us as His disciples. Pray together and blow out the candle. It is a somber day worth our honor and remembrance.On Resurrection Day light all seven candles and read John 11:25. Make this a day of celebration and joy for the greatest miracle of all time has accomplished our salvation!

3. Use Resurrection Eggs to help your kids learn about Easter. God has used this resource to help millions of children understand the Easter story.

4. Watch the film Jesus together to feed our image-driven minds a picture of the awe-inspiring life of Jesus as He taught, loved, healed, and then died for you and me. The film is free for streaming online at jesusfilm.org. 

5. Attend a Good Friday service. If your church doesn’t have one, go to another local church’s services. Gathering with other believers in a time of reflection and truth of what Jesus did for us the day He died on the cross will add greatly to your Easter experience. 

6. Make Silent Saturday a day of mourning. Keep your blinds pulled or lights off all day to remind everyone that the Light of the World was extinguished on the cross. Cover your Holy Week candles with a black cloth for the same message. Help your family feel a sense of the loss and devastation the disciples felt the day after their Savior had died. 

7. Celebrate BIG on Easter Sunday! Wear all white to remember our heavenly attire one day and to symbolize we have been washed white as snow by the blood of the Lamb.

Plan a beautiful table scape setting an all-white table and using the seven candles mentioned in idea number two above. Use lots of red rose petals on your table to represent His blood during Holy Week. Then on Silent Saturday remove the red petals and prepare vases of white roses or tulips to place on your table early Sunday morning to declare “Christ is risen” to everyone present!

End your Easter gathering with friends and family for a party with lots of balloons, sparklers, music, or any kind of festivities you can imagine.

Resurrection Sunday is the greatest celebration of all for believers in Jesus. Without the cross we would have no hope and Christmas would be meaningless. Because of what Jesus accomplished for us, let’s celebrate and worship with exuberance so all the world knows Jesus is alive forevermore!

Be sure to visit our Etsy store for different Easter resources to help you focus on the real Easter!

Barbara shares some additional Easter ideas in “20 Ways to Celebrate Easter.”

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The Barbara Rainey Podcast: Making Much of Easter

If you have followed me for very long you are already well aware that Easter is my favorite holiday and, in my view, the pinnacle of all our holidays as believers. Our life would be meaningless if Christ hadn’t died and purchased our salvation. Listen in today and hear how we have elevated Easter despite it not falling in line with our culture as we see happen with Christmas.

On today’s episode of “The Barbara Rainey Podcast,” I talk about our Easter traditions over the years and how important it is to make sure Easter gets the attention it deserves. This year our Easter will look a bit different. We won’t have any of our kids home with us on Easter weekend, and with the busyness of my schedule of balancing Ever Thine Home and seminary courses, I’m sad to say I have very few Easter things out around our home! But I will! And we will honor this day together, just the two of us, with the same excitement and humility before the Lord as in years past when many of our crew were gathered around the table.

You can listen to the podcast here or on popular podcast platforms. 

Ever His, 

Barbara 

P.S. With your gift today of $50 or more, we would love to send you a set of Easter devotional cards. I talk more about them on the podcast, so give it a listen! There are only a few sets of cards in stock, so be sure to request your set now!

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Friends & Family March 2022

What a difference a few weeks make!

Earlier this month Dennis and I went to the farm (my mom’s birthplace that my brothers and I inherited after her death in 2020) for a couple days. We wanted to check on work we’re having done to make repairs and updates to the over 100-year-old house.

While we were there we had the delight of witnessing a surprise snowstorm blow through. We’ve never been there when it snowed, so it was a treat to watch and take photos. Here is what it looked like when the snow began on Friday night and on Saturday morning when the sun came out.

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The spring snow covered most of our state and our daughter Ashley sent this photo of her son Isaac as it snowed at their house. He’s hilarious!

Answered prayer!

I wrote in one of these Friends & Family letters months ago about our need to find someone who can help me with so many things related to Ever Thine Home. I asked for prayers and many of you responded to say you were praying. THANK YOU!!

God has answered and I’m delighted to introduce you to Brandi Johnston who is officially our new vice president of marketing and probably lots of other things in time. Brandi is married to Dave, who is a pastor, and they have two cute kiddos. She started March 1 and I’m already so impressed and thanking God often for providing someone so capable and fun to work with.

Thoughts on our world

Though we are half a world away from the war in Ukraine, it’s still present with us every day. Living here in relative peace yet with daily exposures to the awful tragedy and destruction is a new experience as we all wonder what we would do were war to come here.

So many thoughts have come and prayers have been offered every day since it all began. I’ve prayed often for President Zelensky, whose name I didn’t even know a month ago. His remarkable courage and leadership, resolve and determination, has rallied the world. For him I’ve prayed that God will protect him and that he will come to know Jesus as his Messiah. He is Jewish if you haven’t heard.

We’ve heard through our Cru staff and others of some remarkable stories of God’s protection and provision for His people which is one of my prayers for the millions of Ukrainians. I so wish more of this hopeful news could be broadcast but our country is not presently very receptive to news about God and His work. But watching this has reminded me of a biblical truth that is God is always working (John 5:17) and no one is hidden from His view.

I’m sure you and yours are praying, too, for the situation and for all the people directly affected—especially the millions of refugees. Like you I also don’t know what to pray sometimes so I find myself praying the Lord’s prayer more than ever. “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” is more needed than ever.

News from my backyard

In early April I’m speaking at a local church women’s retreat which I’m really looking forward to. My topic is “Cultivating Hope: Growing our Faith in Seasons of Disappointment.” If you live in the Little Rock area and are interested in attending, contact us.

I’m still studying really hard in my seminary class but learning a lot and finding it’s been really good for how I use my time. I’ve never lived by a daily schedule as tightly as I am now.

With Easter coming soon, the most important event of every year and of all time, I hope you will take time to look at the cute things we have in our Etsy store. I printed all of our Easter cards today and cut them to size to have then ready to mail to our kids since we won’t be with them this year. I also bought some sticker paper at Walmart and printed our Easter stickers today; they are also in our Etsy store. I cut them out and will include them in the cards to my children as a little Easter gift.

Happy Easter everyone!

Christ is Risen!

#easterpeople

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3 Ways to Teach Your Children to Understand and Express Their Emotions

This is the conclusion of a two-part series on the importance of emotional security in your children. Read part one here.

When you welcomed your first child into the world, if someone had asked you, “How will you teach this child about their emotions?” how would you have answered? I would have stared back wordlessly with eyes that said, “I have no idea. And why are you even asking me about this?”

One of a parent’s most important responsibilities is teaching their children how to understand and express their emotions. Yet few of us give this responsibility much thought.

As our babies grew up, I began learning a lot about this crucially important parenting question. Ready to dive in with me?

Since we are made in God’s image, like Him, are our emotions like His? From what God has revealed about Himself in the Bible, we can answer yes.

He loves. “God is love” (1 John 4:8).He gives from His love. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son” (John 3:16).He feels delight. “The Lord took delight in doing you good” (Deuteronomy 28:63).He laughs, is happy. “He who sits in heaven laughs” (Psalm 2:4).He feels kindness. “… according to His kind intention” (Ephesians 1:9 NASB)He enjoys and gives pleasure. “At your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).He feels gladness. “You make him glad with the joy of your presence” (Psalm 21:6).He feels compassion. “He had compassion for them” (Matthew 9:36).He feels grief. “He was “grieved at their hardness of heart” (Mark 3:5).He feels deep sadness and loss. “Our sorrows He carried” (Isaiah 53:4).He feels anger. “I was angry with my people” (Isaiah 47:6).He feels regret. “I regret that I have made Saul king” (1 Samuel 15:11).He longs. “How often I have longed to gather your children together” (Matthew 23:37 NIV).He hurts and feels loss. “Jesus wept” (John 10:35).

In His perfection, God’s emotions are always pure. His anger is always righteous. His love is never compromised. His creative work is always for good, always in the right time, always in line with the higher goal of his purposes and plans.

But human emotional expressions are never totally pure, righteous, or good. Our complete brokenness and depravity compromise our every intention. It is why we so desperately need the power of God’s Spirit within us to make our marriages work and to raise our children in a somewhat healthy way.

Importantly, our emotions are neutral. They are neither good nor bad, but it’s the expression  that taints them positively or negatively. 

1. Teach your children to identify and name their emotions.  

When I was 40, I had corrective heart surgery. A couple days before I went to the hospital, we asked our two youngest to clean up their room. When we came back an hour or so later to put them to bed, we noticed that Deborah had stuffed everything under her bed, which wasn’t the way she usually cleaned up her things. We asked how she was feeling, and she said, “I’m scared.”

“What are you scared about?”

She timidly said, “I am sad.”

“Do you know what you are sad about?”

Then she began to cry and said, “I’m afraid you’re going to die.”

We hadn’t talked about the risk of this surgery with our children because we wanted to help guard their fears. In spite of our caution, our seven-year-old picked up on our tension and uncertainty. To help her respond well, we felt it was important for her to understand how she was feeling. Children need training and practice in naming their emotions and understanding where they come from.

With some children you will need to work especially hard to help them identify feelings. Several of our firstborn grandchildren are naturally reserved, highly intelligent kids who value rules and factual thinking. Ashley decided her firstborn son, Samuel, needed to learn to recognize and name his emotions. She announced to him and his brother, James, a natural feeler, that she would start asking them every night to describe one high and one low experience from the day and name the emotions they felt.

Samuel said he didn’t want to do it. It sounded hard. James enthusiastically said, “Oh, this is going to be easy. I got this!” What a dramatic difference in our God-created emotional makeup as people! We are not all alike.

After a while, Samuel found it reasonably easy to identify some positive basic emotions, like happy. But naming the unpleasant emotions was more challenging. One day Samuel tried to summarize his day as “normal,” but Ashley told him “normal” wasn’t an emotion and to try again.

This daily exercise lasted only a few weeks, but even in that short time Samuel learned to look within and describe his experiences at school with “feeling words.” Ashley was intentionally preparing both boys for a future as husbands and fathers who will need this emotional understanding to lead well.

2. Train your children in healthy, non-hurtful ways to express their emotions.

I wish I’d understood all this when our kid were young, so I hope you’ll keep reading to the end.

Our goal as parents is, first, to teach children to feel and name their emotions, to help them identify what is driving them, what is shaping their decisions and reactions. Then we teach, instruct, train, and praise them when they express those emotions in healthy, inoffensive, non-hurtful ways.

Did you know, God never corrects our emotions in His Word? What He does correct is the way we express those emotions. For example, He tells us to “Be angry, and do not sin” (Psalm 4:4; Ephesians 4:26).

For example, the prophet Elijah was afraid, ran away, and found a cave in which to hide. There he pouted in the dark feeling sorry for himself: “I alone am left” (1 Kings 19:10 NASB). God didn’t correct his emotion of fear or self-pity, but He did address his heart of unbelief by calling Elijah back to faith with the voice of a “gentle blowing” (verse 12).

With eight broken, sinful people living in our four-bedroom house, we had lots of emotions of every kind. Anger was one emotion everyone struggled with, so one night we had a family discussion about it. We asked our children, “How do you feel when you are angry?” On a poster board we wrote down their answers, which included phrases like “exasperated,” “like screaming,” “verbal vomit,” and “like tearing things up.”

Then we asked, “What kinds of things make you angry as a child or a teen?” On another column of the poster board we listed their answers:

“When I’m left out or excluded by a family member.”“When I get hurt.”“When people make fun of me.”“When people are being a pest or picking on me.”“When people use my stuff without asking.”“When people don’t pay attention to what I’m saying.”

We talked a little about why we shouldn’t hurt others when we feel angry, and suggested alternatives. The evening dissolved quickly after that, and our anger problems were not solved with one conversation. We simply wanted to help our children understand that anger is a normal emotional response to being hurt or afraid. We wanted them to hear us say, “It is not wrong to feel angry, but let’s try to learn constructive ways to express our anger in our family.”

We spent countless hours correcting our children when they expressed anger, disappointment, or fear in inappropriate and hurtful ways. Thousands of times we said things like, “You may not hit your brother when you are angry at him” … “You may not scream at your sister” … “You may not break something when you feel overlooked” … and more. Slowly they improved, not perfectly but with lots of baby steps, learning more appropriate ways to express their emotions without being hurtful.

Your goal is not just correcting behavior, but also growing, training, nurturing the kind of hearts that seek to understand and act wisely, the kind of hearts that eventually want to please God. Help your kids understand the emotion behind their behavior and then learn to express those foundational feelings to one another. Your kids will likely have each other all of their lives; they need to learn how to keep those relationships healthy. Other friends will come and many won’t last but family and siblings are forever.

3. Make your home a safe place.

Children want and need feedback, especially as they get older, from their parents. You are their measuring line. You are their report card. You are the most important cheerleaders who must celebrate every good decision.

Don’t just correct them, but eagerly and enthusiastically rejoice with every right attitude. Reinforce all the good they choose to embrace on their own, reminding them that God sees and is pleased, and that pleasing Him should be their ultimate goal, now as children and one day on their own as adults.

Children want to be heard and understood, not lectured. If you are attentive and engaged emotionally on every level, your child will grow up feeling loved, secure, and whole.

Also, give your children grace as they process the conflicts and hardships of life and as they learn emotional boundaries. And always reaffirm your love and acceptance, especially when they make mistakes. Model God’s unconditional, grace-filled love in your home.

Put it into practice

Here are two activities to do with your kids:

1. Ask them one evening or on a Sunday afternoon to look up the verses in the list above which names some of God’s emotions. Direct them to read each verse and say what it says about how God feels. Then have them write each feeling/emotion on a list.

Give them a reward if you need to. (We’ve done that. You do what it takes to get cooperation sometimes!) Then go in a circle and share what they discovered. Talk about how they feel discovering God’s emotions.

2. Try the activity we did with our kids on anger, especially if your children are in elementary school. Ask them, “How do you feel when you’re angry?” and then, “What kinds of things make you angry?”

See what they list. Talk about it together and then pray for each other. Ask God to help everyone understand how to express feelings and appropriately express anger. 

May God guide you and bless you!

If you enjoyed this post by Barbara, you might be interested in these other posts on parenting:

“How to Build a Relationship With Your Child”   “Training Your Children to Choose Wisely” “Why Mission Matters”

 

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The Barbara Rainey podcast: Getting Ready to Release Your Teens

Do you remember when you were 17 or 18 years old? Do you remember struggling with things like time management, learning the value of a dollar, and making sense of this crazy world? In today’s episode of The Barbara Rainey Podcast, Dennis and I talk about some of the lessons we learned while guiding our six children through their teenage years.

We talk about when to “bail out” your kids and when to let them learn a lesson. We also talk about starting to give more freedom to your teens during their senior year of high school so they can hopefully learn some lessons at home before they are out on their own. Dennis also reads a poem (because I couldn’t get through it!) written by our kids’ youth pastor and read at their youth group senior dinner. Our son Benjamin was in that senior class. It was a powerful moment we’ve never forgotten.

Next week is spring break here in Arkansas—hard to believe spring is almost here when we had snow last week! And all too quickly the school year will come to an end. And don’t worry, it’s not too late if you have seniors in your house to start implementing some of the practices we recommend in this podcast before they head off on their own.

And if you have teens about to graduate you might want to consider my book, Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest. It’s been a great help to many moms as they prepare to enter a new season without children living at home.

I pray this podcast gives you some encouragement and some practical ways to help launch your arrows into the world!

You can listen here or on any of the main podcast platforms.

Ever His,

Barbara

Buy your copy here!

 

Buy your copy here!

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Why Developing Emotional Security in Your Children Matters

The room was small, dark, and silent. Stepping inside we saw three walls lined with baby cribs each occupied by a tiny baby. In the back corner a disengaged caregiver lifted her eyes in our direction. The babies were alone. Unattended. Silent.

Our daughter Laura and I were part of an overseas medical mission team working for a week in an orphanage, home to hundreds of abandoned babies and children, most with physical disabilities or medical conditions their parents were unable to provide for them.

Most of the nonmedical members of our team were assigned to assist the American doctors in our group. But another woman, Lynn, and I asked if we could go to the baby room and just take care of babies all day, every day. For the next week we gave our hearts to these babies, snuggling them close while giving them bottles instead of letting the feeding happen as it normally did—with the bottle propped up on a rolled rag, much of the milk escaping the baby’s mouth and soaking into the bedding.

The smallest baby drew my heart instantly. I was amazed to discover she was six weeks old, as she weighted barely five pounds, having been born a preemie. Lethargic and sleepy, she seemed so vulnerable and alone. I held her as often as the workers would let me. Lynn and I named some of these little ones that week since we couldn’t speak their native language.  I named this littlest one Sarah. I prayed for her life during the day when I was with her and at night back in our hotel.

By late in the week Lynn and I had a routine. On Thursday as usual, we arrived at the orphanage we went straight to baby room. My feet went straight to my tiny Sarah. Even in the dim lighting something didn’t seem right. I bent over her, put my hand on her tiny chest and discovered it was barely moving.

I ran to find our American doctor, who began the process of reviving her and then raced her to a hospital, where she completely recovered. Sarah’s needs, physical and emotional, had been ignored. Neglect nearly ended her life.

Quite miraculously, baby Sarah was adopted months later by one of the doctors on our medical team. She is now a thriving, healthy teenager, about to graduate from high school.

Little Sarah’s physical heart almost stopped because her emotional heart, the soul of who God made her to be almost gave up. Without a personally invested parent to both feed her body and love her, she failed to thrive and would have died had God not providentially led us there.

Emotional bonding which establishes security is the foundation upon which all facets of identity are eventually built in the life of every child. How we feel about ourselves—loved or unloved, competent or incompetent,  empowered or shamed—will impact our emotional foundation and future. Emotional health also strongly supports the development of a child’s character, natural gifts, intelligence, and relationships.

In her book, Children Learn What They Live, Dorothy Law Nolte wrote with great insight about the impact of a child’s upbringing:

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn…

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive…

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy…

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence…

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

Like Sarah we are all kept alive by a heart that beats constantly, regularly, and quietly. But we also have a nonphysical heart in which resides our emotions, our thinking, and our decision-making or will. What we feed this heart shapes our child’s emotional identity.

Jesus spoke often of our heart:

Matthew 14:27: “Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘Take heart; it is I. do not be afraid’” (emotion).Matthew 9:4: “Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, ‘Why do you think evil in your hearts?’” (thinking).Matthew 19:8: “He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives’” (will).

In fact, God speaks of our hearts hundreds of times, from the first to last pages of the Bible. Two verses summarize this most important part of our in-His-image likeness, our hearts.

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7, emphasis added). God supremely values the choices we make internally in that hidden space inside each of us called the heart.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). God supremely values where we place our affections, our emotions, which also spring from our hearts.

For a child to feel secure and stable, to become emotionally healthy as an adult, is to know he is loved and cared for by those who have the power to do good to him. And for Christian parents it’s important to communicate the high value built in each of us as made-in-His-image children.

In the formative growing-up years, this responsibility of forming emotional health begins with and rests on parents.

Then, as children become teens and young adults, they need to begin to look for and experience their security and love needs in God Himself.

From birth, children pick up on the emotions of their parents—responding to warm welcoming hugs, kisses, and love lavishly given, or responding in bewilderment and fear, building early defense mechanisms to protect from a lack of parental love and presence. To be honest, most of us have probably been shaped in an environment marked by both types of emotional influences.

I grew up in a family that was secure and stable, and I knew I was loved. I never feared my parents would divorce or leave us. They cared for us, provided for us, and taught us many valuable lessons about life.

But what my head knew was true I did not always feel. My parents both grew up in families who experienced significant losses—the death of a child, the relentless hurtful attitude and comments of a mean father-in-law, the dissolution of a marriage, and difficult life struggles during the depression and World War II. As I looked back, it’s remarkable that my parents raised me and my brothers as well as they did.

I remember I often felt insecure about myself by the time I was nearing my teen years. I also remember working hard to please my parents. I wanted to make sure my dad had no reason to be angry with me. I became stoic and subdued, never getting angry, but not expressing much happiness, either. I did not laugh often, and I rarely cried. All those emotions were a part of me, but were hidden deep within as I sought to please others.

As a teenager, I didn’t know who I was or how I fit in. I became increasingly shy, timid, reserved, and self-protective. As a 19-year-old college student, I understood the gospel for the first time, and my sense of self and purpose changed dramatically.

When I became a parent myself, I worked hard to foster closeness and openness with my children. I snuggled with them on the couch reading books, even in their teens. I welcomed happy and hopeful creativity in spite of the messes they left in their wake. It was fairly easy in those early years.

But as our children got older, I saw that I was often reacting to or retreating from them out of fear because I didn’t how to nurture emotional health in teenagers. I still had toddlers when my oldest two became teenagers. I recognized how easy it was for me to kiss the little ones, stroke their faces, and cuddle them. But it was much harder for me to be affectionate with my 13-year-old daughter and 12-year-old son.

Ashley, our firstborn, noticed and made little snide comments about how I was spoiling the younger ones, giving them too much attention. I remember thinking at first, “It’s okay that I am not as close to the older ones. That’s just who I am. Besides, Dennis is very good with our teens.” I figured I could concentrate on the younger kids, he could concentrate on the older ones, and everything would be just fine.

Eventually I understood our daughter’s criticisms were her way of letting me know that she still desired my affection and nurturing. I made a commitment to myself and asked the Lord to help me strengthen my emotional connection with my teenagers. I remember going into Ashley’s room to hug her real tight, even though it felt awkward to me because I had not received similar affection when I was a teenager.

I also realized that by meeting her needs emotionally at home, I was helping to protect her from getting her emotional and security needs met from others, especially boys. It was like a light went on and I understood, If she does not get love and security from me and her dad, then she is going to have a vacuum in her heart that she will seek to fill with unhealthy relationships.

 

 

A good question to ask yourself is, “Do my children feel love from me, or do they just know that I love them?” There is a big difference. They need to feel loved and cared for in a real, emotional, intimate way that only comes from affectionate touching and physical closeness.

Do you want to raise emotionally healthy and stable kids? Here are some questions for you to ask yourself and God to help you evaluate how you are doing. You will likely have to think about it for a while to see the real truth.

How is the background of your childhood impacting your own children?What are you unconsciously replicating?Ask God to open your eyes to see what your kids are feeling deep inside.Ask Him to help you listen closely to what they say or how they act that night be signals to you.

Here is a prayer for you as a mom or dad who knows you aren’t doing it all right, who wants to do the best you can for your kids because you love them. God knows, understands and wants to help you.

 

My heavenly Father,

You are the perfect parent

and I am not.

You know my flaws and faults

while I’m blind to many of them.

Help me see what you see in me

and help me trust you more.

Give me eyes to see my children as you do

with Your eyes, Your heart.

Give me Your patience, Your love, Your grace.

Help me most of all to love them well

in ways that say love to their little and teenage hearts,

to nurture and help them become emotionally stable and mature.

And last,

Lord help me guide them to You

the One who loves perfectly,

who has a unique and good plan for their lives.

God You alone can give them

what we moms and dads can’t.

Amen.

In my next blog post: Teaching your children how to name and express their emotions.

 

If you enjoyed this post by Barbara, you might be interested in these other posts on parenting:

“How to Build a Relationship With Your Child” “Training Your Children to Choose Wisely” “Why Mission Matters”

The post Why Developing Emotional Security in Your Children Matters appeared first on Ever Thine Home.

In Times of War, Our God, Our Mighty Fortress, Is Still “the Stability of Our Times”

Every day I trust the walls and roof of my house to remain stable, the roads on which I drive to remain solid. But those remaining in Ukraine now know the opposite; the constant sound of bombs and the experience of crumbling walls, falling roofs, and impassible roads … if those who stayed even have access to transportation. Everything is shifting and unstable.

As Dennis and I watch the constant reporting every night we are praying daily and often for the believers—for their protection, for God’s provision for their needs, for power and strength. We also pray for those who don’t know Jesus as Savior … that they would meet Him and respond in faith.

And as we watch and feel from afar we wonder: What will tomorrow bring? How will life change, both in Ukraine and around the world. And we wonder about the unthinkable … could this lead to a nuclear confrontation? No one knows what Putin will do next. As Peggy Noonan wrote in The Wall Street Journal on February 26, “Putin has shocked the West. He wanted to shock the West.”

How do we respond to this shock, this unnerving and unraveling of all we depend on for stability and peace?

As I’ve written many times before the sure word of God says,

“And He shall be the stability of our times” Isaiah 33:6

Life-changing events have been happening with increasing regularity and intensity. The first time I wrote about this verse was in 2008 when our country was in the throes of a significant economic downturn. Since then we’ve known more school shootings, political turmoil, growing racial unrest, a worldwide pandemic, rising crime, and now a war. An unprovoked invasion displacing millions of people and destroying everything within the reach of bombs is uncharted territory for all of us born since World War II.

As believers in Christ we also have to ask, is this another step on the sure path to the return of Christ? The answer is decisively yes. Yes, we are closer. Yes, this figures in to the grand narrative God is authoring and orchestrating. Everything God does is a part of His grand plan. He is sovereign. He is always working toward His grand finale. And He did say there would be wars and rumors of wars.

Just one verse among many speaks to this: “… according to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth” (Ephesians 1:9).

But until that day, which could be very near or yet in the distance, the words from Isaiah 33:6 remind me, over and over, to ask myself, Is my security and stability resting too heavily on my circumstances? Am I trusting in God today? And am I living not just for myself and my own people but am I giving my life for others?

How then shall we live?

First, as much as possible keep up with what God is doing in Ukraine and in surrounding countries … His deeds and wonders that are rarely told on regular news channels.

A friend of mine who was a missionary to Ukraine years ago still has friends there. She heard last week of other missionaries from America, living in Ukraine who have decided to stay because they believe this verse is true: “Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become so dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:8, NASB). This world is not our home and it was so encouraging to hear of these believers living it as fact.

They also told about many people coming to Christ in the weeks preceding the invasion. Evidence God is going ahead since He was not surprised by this war. And from Israel we just heard this week that many thousands escaping Ukraine are ultimately headed for Israel. God continues to gather His people! Exciting? Yes!

Second, it’s important to support—with prayers and financial donations—the relief efforts for Ukrainians. Between the people struggling inside Ukrainian and those who have fled to neighboring countries, this may be the biggest humanitarian crisis in Europe since World War II.

Yet, sadly, there is so much hardship and pain you or I cannot change or fix in this world. That will always be true. And so the rock of Christ, the anchor of my soul, must be my sure hope and my stability, not the predictable norms I long to cherish. The eternal truth that God is sovereign is either true or it is not. I’m counting on its veracity because He brings more peace than any treaty or alliance of men possibly could.

I am reminded of the classic hymn by Martin Luther, “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.” Normally I wouldn’t use this space to include the words of an entire hymn, but I believe it’s worth it.  Read these four verses and see how they build on each other to praise the God whose kingdom is forever. (And if you want to sing it, here’s a great video on YouTube by Matt Boswell.)

A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;
our helper he, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe, does seek to work us woe;
his craft and power are great, and armed with cruel hate,
on earth is not his equal.

Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing,
were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing.
You ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;
Lord Sabaoth His name, from age to age the same;
and He must win the battle.

And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,
we will not fear, for God has willed, His truth to triumph through us.
The prince of darkness grim, we tremble not for him;
his rage we can endure, for lo! his doom is sure;
one little word shall fell him.

That Word above all earthly powers, no thanks to them abideth;
the Spirit and the gifts are ours, through him who with us sideth.
Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
the body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still;
His kingdom is forever! 

These words were written nearly 500 years ago, yet they apply to our circumstances just as much as they did to Martin Luther as he lived his life with many threats of imprisonment and death during the years of the Reformation.

Whether this present instability is our new normal or not is irrelevant. What really matters is where I’m placing my hope.

Only Jesus can give the peace and the stability I desire. Only He can give what we long for in our hearts. 

I pray that we will make the transcendent truth of God and His Word more a part of our conversations so we can together rest on His stability, and so that others may know of this hope. No matter what happens, we can rest on God’s promises.

Centuries-old trees, like sequoias and oaks, endure through drought and storms because when conditions are good they eagerly soak up nourishment and sink their roots deeper to prepare for the hard times that always come.

Will you sink your roots into the Rock of Christ so you will be prepared when hard times come?

Will you invite God, our mighty fortress, to be the stability of your life, no matter what may come?

In our Etsy store we offer a digital download of our popular rendering of Isaiah 33:6: “And He shall be the stability of our times.” It’s perfect for framing and displaying in your home.

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