Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 21

Empowerment Series: CEO & Editor-in-Chief, Vanessa Coppes of Bella Magazine Shares Hope with AW

She is a rockstar boss than can be described as limitless, wearing multiple hats including mother and wife while living her best life. Vanessa Coppes is Bella Magazine’s CEO + Editor-in-Chief. She is also an Author, Lifestyle Blogger, Social Entrepreneur, Founder of V+Co. Consulting, Co-Founder of ETTWomen and The ETTWomen Foundation. Reading the collection of blogs and interviews about her, provided me with an overview of the businesswoman, however, it wasn’t until our chat that I grasped an understanding of the reasons behind her achievements.

The journey began years ago, when she arrived the United States from Dominican Republic. Vanessa’s success as an entrepreneur is not surprising when you speak with her. She reflects a wonderful balance of intelligence, drive, savvy, compassion and awareness that is uplifting! She takes the approach of learning the lessons and applying them as needed, while forging her path to greatness. The hour conversation left me inspired, feeling that I too, can build a strong business model that compliments my passion and fits my lifestyle. Hopefully, the interview with Vanessa encourages you to pursue your own dreams with relentless conviction.

What has been your greatest challenge while building the foundation for your business? Was it always your vision to conquer this much territory, create this type of success on the back of your hard work and on your terms? Entrepreneurship is in the fabric of my Dominican heritage. No matter what we’re doing, there is a part of us that is independent. We have an entrepreneurial spirit, consistently trying to pave a path to own something. I never wanted to be rescued, when I married my husband he knew where I stood. Starting a family encouraged me to think outside the box. My children needed me and my husband was the main breadwinner. He gave me the flexibility to do my thing. I knew that if I was going to build a business, it would have to fit my lifestyle as wife and mother. The business had to serve how I lived, it was necessary to build around my family. I started a blog and over time it began to grow becoming a viable source of income. I love telling stories, teaching, empowering women, so bringing it all together was the only way to go. I worked with Bella Magazine close to 10 years before its sale came up. I knew that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity when it happened. I wanted to continue doing the work of spreading hope, beauty and positivity that would genuinely impact women’s lives.

In an interview for Beyond Mom, you said “I believe anything is possible.” You have a book, blog, jewelry business, several entrepreneurial ventures but you still have time to help others by mentoring and connecting women to other successful women. You have a can-do attitude, delivering to Bella, a realistic vision of lifestyle and fashion that is relatable. Fashion has been known to be mostly about unattainable aesthetics but your pages encourage authenticity. This beautiful magazine is an assortment of fashion, beauty, travel, wellness, and entertainment, podcast, and TV but also has a social aspect. It’s like a one-stop shop! The most admirable part of Bella is that you don’t just promote a brand, you live it.

How were you able to shake off the pressures of standing out on your own as a platform? Did you set out to do be different from the beginning or did you eventually, have a need to pivot to give Bella a unique voice? The industry was merky for a long time. Influencers were getting behind things they didn’t use. Everything you see written in Bella is a reflection of an experience. If we get behind it, we believe in it because we have experienced it, belief in the product is key. The pressure to follow crowds will always be there. It is important that when girls, families and women look at the magazine they can see themselves. I have a 16-year old niece and she loves what the magazine represents. Magazines are generational influencers, couldn’t let Bella fall flat doing what everyone else was doing. I have an opportunity to do good, decisions can benefit the platform or add to the noise. It is crucial to make sure that clients and partners know where we stand. We are based on ethics, kindness, and truth, all beneficial to ethical fashion. People have a choice, we want clients to make informed decisions, transparency makes for the best partnerships.

I read your article “13 Things I Learned from Martha Beck,” in it you list takeaways from a 2010 presentation of the world-renowned author, speaker and coach. There is one bullet point that particularly stood out for me. “Risk, do one thing that scares you, that leads to your heart’s desires.” I love this! Absolutely agree, win or lose, we should be willing to take a chance on the things we love. Wayne Gretzky said “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Women don’t always get to do this, as caretakers, the expectation is to keep everyone’s life together, sometimes, at the cost of our dreams or goals.

Can you share with readers when was the last time you took the risk described? What was the risk and was it worth it? Honestly, I get scared of taking risks but I do things in spite of fear without letting others opinions discourage me. I believe in God with blind faith. When decisions need to be made, I retract, pray and listen to my gut. When it operates from that space, I know that if it’s not of service, it will be removed from my life.

You have been with Bella for close to a decade, starting as Social and Digital Media Strategist – today, holding position of CEO and Editor-in-Chief. Congratulations on your continued success! In many instances, you have credited the strong community of women that empowered you in your personal and professional life. It‘s difficult to navigate entrepreneurship in it of itself, doing so while being a mother and wife adds a layer of challenges.

What is the key to balancing time, making sure everyone gets what they need including you? Refuel, Refocus & Work! We all experience challenging moments. We are tired, stressed, overwhelmed, under pressure and some days it’s hard to get out of bed. Women are always giving but we need to remember to take care of ourselves. The compassion and empathy starts with you.

You have expressed your belief that there is a lesson in absolutely everything! It is hard to see that in the most painful moments of our lives. Our journey is ongoing, there is constant change bringing new challenges to overcome.

What has been the most difficult lesson for you to accept, as a woman in business? It would have to be learning that not everyone has the same intentions that I do. I am a person of my word, sadly, it does not always go both ways. It‘s been difficult to understand that sometimes our actions will not be reciprocated. Also, I‘ve had to learn self-compassion, as a mother, now, I get my mom. She was a working mother, as am I, it helps me understand what she went through as a caretaker, makes me more grateful. Presently, I make my own children part of the process. Getting them involved to see what I‘m creating is important, hopefully, they cut me slack for what I do!

From time to time, I like to ask some impromptu questions to help readers get to know a bit more about the person behind the interview. Vanessa’s responses were fun and unexpected!

Who or what inspires you? Life

What can’t you do without? Nutella!

The title of one book that changed your life? The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

Your favorite city in Dominican Republic? Santo Domingo

Your dream realized? I am living it and I am filled with gratitude. A house on the beach would be nice, too but that is mostly my husband’s dream!

Bella Magazine’s 2020 Summer Issue was replaced by the HOPE issue. I read your beautiful Letter from the Editor for this special issue. You believe that hope is a force you can always source from, even when the glass has nothing in it at all.” What is your hope for Bella Magazine? My hope for Bella Magazine is to see it in every language. Words that reach every woman in the world, a publication that is God’s work.

Interviews with AW end with a positive message for readers. It is important to spread words that inspire and heal. Can you share a mantra or quote that you have used during a moment where you have felt like giving up hope, a dream or a goal? Words that possibly, pushed you to the other side of that vulnerable moment? “What has happened to you, has happened for you.” Everything that happens is to teach a lesson. When something happens to you that is disappointing, hurtful, etc. take time to do some real introspection. Things don’t happen just because it’s supposed to, if it keeps happening – ask yourself, what am I supposed to learn here? Pursue the reason. What is the experience telling you? Believe there is a reason for everything – I believe there is!

Vanessa says, she is a student of life, consistently looking to improve. In no way, is she complacent, accepting the status quo. I believe we all have a potential for greatness. Every person carries a torch but not all of us are brave enough to light it. Vanessa is a firestarter with a gift to ignite inspiration wherever she goes. She empowers all the women who connect with her. Certainly, I have become a fan of the woman and entrepreneur.

AW is incredibly thankful for the opportunity to get to speak with and learn about Vanessa. She is proof of what is possible when you believe you can do the impossible!

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Vanessa Coppes, CEO & Editor-in-Chief of Bella Magazine Shares Hope with AW

She is a rockstar boss than can be described as limitless, wearing multiple hats including mother and wife while living her best life. Vanessa Coppes is Bella Magazine’s CEO + Editor-in-Chief. She is also an Author, Lifestyle Blogger, Social Entrepreneur, Founder of V+Co. Consulting, Co-Founder of ETTWomen and The ETTWomen Foundation. Reading the collection of blogs and interviews about her, provided me with an overview of the businesswoman, however, it wasn’t until our chat that I grasped an understanding of the reasons behind her achievements.

The journey began years ago, when she arrived the United States from Dominican Republic. Vanessa’s success as an entrepreneur is not surprising when you speak with her. She reflects a wonderful balance of intelligence, drive, savvy, compassion and awareness that is uplifting! She takes the approach of learning the lessons and applying them as needed, while forging her path to greatness. The hour conversation left me inspired, feeling that I too, can build a strong business model that compliments my passion and fits my lifestyle. Hopefully, the interview with Vanessa encourages you to pursue your own dreams with relentless conviction.

What has been your greatest challenge while building the foundation for your business? Was it always your vision to conquer this much territory, create this type of success on the back of your hard work and on your terms? Entrepreneurship is in the fabric of my Dominican heritage. No matter what we’re doing, there is a part of us that is independent. We have an entrepreneurial spirit, consistently trying to pave a path to own something. I never wanted to be rescued, when I married my husband he knew where I stood. Starting a family encouraged me to think outside the box. My children needed me and my husband was the main breadwinner. He gave me the flexibility to do my thing. I knew that if I was going to build a business, it would have to fit my lifestyle as wife and mother. The business had to serve how I lived, it was necessary to build around my family. I started a blog and over time it began to grow becoming a viable source of income. I love telling stories, teaching, empowering women, so bringing it all together was the only way to go. I worked with Bella Magazine close to 10 years before its sale came up. I knew that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity when it happened. I wanted to continue doing the work of spreading hope, beauty and positivity that would genuinely impact women’s lives.

In an interview for Beyond Mom, you said “I believe anything is possible.” You have a book, blog, jewelry business, several entrepreneurial ventures but you still have time to help others by mentoring and connecting women to other successful women. You have a can-do attitude, delivering to Bella, a realistic vision of lifestyle and fashion that is relatable. Fashion has been known to be mostly about unattainable aesthetics but your pages encourage authenticity. This beautiful magazine is an assortment of fashion, beauty, travel, wellness, and entertainment, podcast, and TV but also has a social aspect. It’s like a one-stop shop! The most admirable part of Bella is that you don’t just promote a brand, you live it.

How were you able to shake off the pressures of standing out on your own as a platform? Did you set out to do be different from the beginning or did you eventually, have a need to pivot to give Bella a unique voice? The industry was merky for a long time. Influencers were getting behind things they didn’t use. Everything you see written in Bella is a reflection of an experience. If we get behind it, we believe in it because we have experienced it, belief in the product is key. The pressure to follow crowds will always be there. It is important that when girls, families and women look at the magazine they can see themselves. I have a 16-year old niece and she loves what the magazine represents. Magazines are generational influencers, couldn’t let Bella fall flat doing what everyone else was doing. I have an opportunity to do good, decisions can benefit the platform or add to the noise. It is crucial to make sure that clients and partners know where we stand. We are based on ethics, kindness, and truth, all beneficial to ethical fashion. People have a choice, we want clients to make informed decisions, transparency makes for the best partnerships.

I read your article “13 Things I Learned from Martha Beck,” in it you list takeaways from a 2010 presentation of the world-renowned author, speaker and coach. There is one bullet point that particularly stood out for me. “Risk, do one thing that scares you, that leads to your heart’s desires.” I love this! Absolutely agree, win or lose, we should be willing to take a chance on the things we love. Wayne Gretzky said “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Women don’t always get to do this, as caretakers, the expectation is to keep everyone’s life together, sometimes, at the cost of our dreams or goals.

Can you share with readers when was the last time you took the risk described? What was the risk and was it worth it? Honestly, I get scared of taking risks but I do things in spite of fear without letting others opinions discourage me. I believe in God with blind faith. When decisions need to be made, I retract, pray and listen to my gut. When it operates from that space, I know that if it’s not of service, it will be removed from my life.

You have been with Bella for close to a decade, starting as Social and Digital Media Strategist – today, holding position of CEO and Editor-in-Chief. Congratulations on your continued success! In many instances, you have credited the strong community of women that empowered you in your personal and professional life. It‘s difficult to navigate entrepreneurship in it of itself, doing so while being a mother and wife adds a layer of challenges.

What is the key to balancing time, making sure everyone gets what they need including you? Refuel, Refocus & Work! We all experience challenging moments. We are tired, stressed, overwhelmed, under pressure and some days it’s hard to get out of bed. Women are always giving but we need to remember to take care of ourselves. The compassion and empathy starts with you.

You have expressed your belief that there is a lesson in absolutely everything! It is hard to see that in the most painful moments of our lives. Our journey is ongoing, there is constant change bringing new challenges to overcome.

What has been the most difficult lesson for you to accept, as a woman in business? It would have to be learning that not everyone has the same intentions that I do. I am a person of my word, sadly, it does not always go both ways. It‘s been difficult to understand that sometimes our actions will not be reciprocated. Also, I‘ve had to learn self-compassion, as a mother, now, I get my mom. She was a working mother, as am I, it helps me understand what she went through as a caretaker, makes me more grateful. Presently, I make my own children part of the process. Getting them involved to see what I‘m creating is important, hopefully, they cut me slack for what I do!

From time to time, I like to ask some impromptu questions to help readers get to know a bit more about the person behind the interview. Vanessa’s responses were fun and unexpected!

Who or what inspires you? Life

What can’t you do without? Nutella!

The title of one book that changed your life? The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

Your favorite city in Dominican Republic? Santo Domingo

Your dream realized? I am living it and I am filled with gratitude. A house on the beach would be nice, too but that is mostly my husband’s dream!

Bella Magazine’s 2020 Summer Issue was replaced by the HOPE issue. I read your beautiful Letter from the Editor for this special issue. You believe that hope is a force you can always source from, even when the glass has nothing in it at all.” What is your hope for Bella Magazine? My hope for Bella Magazine is to see it in every language. Words that reach every woman in the world, a publication that is God’s work.

Interviews with AW end with a positive message for readers. It is important to spread words that inspire and heal. Can you share a mantra or quote that you have used during a moment where you have felt like giving up hope, a dream or a goal? Words that possibly, pushed you to the other side of that vulnerable moment? “What has happened to you, has happened for you.” Everything that happens is to teach a lesson. When something happens to you that is disappointing, hurtful, etc. take time to do some real introspection. Things don’t happen just because it’s supposed to, if it keeps happening – ask yourself, what am I supposed to learn here? Pursue the reason. What is the experience telling you? Believe there is a reason for everything – I believe there is!

Vanessa says, she is a student of life, consistently looking to improve. In no way, is she complacent, accepting the status quo. I believe we all have a potential for greatness. Every person carries a torch but not all of us are brave enough to light it. Vanessa is a firestarter with a gift to ignite inspiration wherever she goes. She empowers all the women who connect with her. Certainly, I have become a fan of the woman and entrepreneur.

AW is incredibly thankful for the opportunity to get to speak with and learn about Vanessa. She is proof of what is possible when you believe you can do the impossible!

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Actress, Lois Robbins Shares her Authentic-Self with AW

Native New Yorker, Lois Robbins is best known for roles in some of our favorite ABC daytime soaps. She has successfully played intriguing characters on All My Children, One Life to Live, Loving and Ryan’s Hope. The seasoned actress is no stranger to the big screen, acting alongside names like Penelope Ann Miller, Kathy Najimy, Meg Ryan, and Sam Shepherd, just to name a few. Her list of acting credits continues with popular shows like Blue Bloods, Sex and the City and Law & Order SVU. Most recently, you may remember her as Penelope from TV Land’s hit show, Younger. The gifted professional has made a mark on the theatrical stage, as well. Lois starred in a long list of musical productions such as A Time for Love and My History of Marriage. In 2019, she played alone in the show L.O.V.E.R. The self-written, single act play about the various stages of life from a woman’s perspective.

In 2019, Lois opened up about her journey on life’s stage in a New York Post interview. She shared her battles to work through demons in the face of fighting breast cancer, struggling with self-esteem, and ending a relationship with a man who saw her as a meal ticket. Her frank disclosure during our conversation about the details of these challenges hit a chord. Lois’ raw and honest revelations helped me connect with her story. Although, from the outside, I couldn’t imagine we would have anything in common, it turned out that I was wrong. We should “never judge a book by it’s cover,” as they say.

Everyone has inner conflict, as adults we have the responsibility to deal with unresolved issues that hinder us from living our best life. As a woman, one of the biggest challenges we face is learning to balance the woman we want to be while managing others’ expectations of who we should be. The tug of war creates significant turmoil. AW had the opportunity to ask Lois about her journey from a young insecure soap star to a woman embracing her true self.

You began acting in soaps during the late teens. I imagine it was difficult to find your true self while working in the adult world of television. At what age did you have your personal awakening and what sparked the journey? The period during life when you began asking yourself “Am I doing what makes me happy? Am I living the life envisioned? Am I embracing the real me?” Spending a lot of my 20’s lacking self-confidence and trying to figure out who I am as the youngest of four girls had its challenges. My mother was an extraordinary woman who dedicated herself to our family. My father worked all the time and the expectation was for my mother to care of the home. Getting married without being “fully cooked” created difficulties for me. It is tough to join your life with someone else’s without truly knowing yourself. I took time off, staying home to be a mother, wife and loved it but eventually, started planning my return to work. It takes effort and patience to get all the pieces to mesh together. You can have everything you want but not at the same time! I began writing a book which turned into a play to deal with the struggles of finding my true identity, late in life. It is an ongoing effort but worth it, as you walk the path of self-discovery.

There are readers that may think you cannot relate to their journey because you come from a life of privilege. However, I believe women share a common thread. We are connected by many of the experiences endured as women. What would you say to address the ambivalence of those who think they have nothing to learn from you? In life what we experience is relative to circumstance. As a mother, breast cancer survivor, a child who suffered loneliness there are emotions others can relate to, even if worlds apart. My father raised me with a strong work ethic, he believed that hard work gets rewarded. I took jobs reading to the blind, as a candy striper, partaking in philanthropic efforts to learn responsibility and empathy. It is important to put yourself in someone else’s place to understand others and nurture your compassionate side. I consistently practice it in my own life, believing we can cultivate and promote mutual growth. We are bound to find some similarities in human experience.

Women often grow up emulating their mothers or closest female figure in their lives. This can lead to adopting certain behaviors that manifest later in life, particularly in relationships. Did you experience this, if so, how did it affect the woman you were becoming? I wanted to emulate my mother because she was a devoted wife and mother. When time came to raise my children, I made the decision to bring them up, a bit differently. You never truly know what it will be like until you are in that role but I appreciated everything my mom was and did for us. I learned that I was less puritanical than my mom and more like my dad, less strict. As I gained confidence, I was able to find a balance that would create a parenting style suitable for my home life.

Our journey as women is beautiful but taxing, it drains us in countless ways. Personally, the most painful aspect of this ongoing work has been embracing my truths. It is something that doesn’t come easy but it’s the only way forward. What has been the most difficult part about your own journey to finding that authentic self? I was raised to believe that you don’t air your dirty laundry to the world. Play the part of perfection but there was so much of me that wasn’t perfect! I did not tell anyone when I got my breast cancer diagnosis then when I wrote the play, I left the life-changing event out of the manuscript. One day, I was asked to write a scene that can break hearts. I decided that if I was going to be imperfect, I would do it perfectly. Speaking all my truths for everyone to see. Realizing none of us are without flaw helped me embrace all of me – I was perfectly imperfect and that was OK.

What helpful advice has been shared with you that you can pass on to others searching for their true self? I have been lucky to receive so much good advice from my mother but often it’s me giving friends and my kids, advice. I am the first call on speed dial. I would say, take the time to know yourself. Figure out who you are and what you want to be. It is key to most of the decisions we make during our lifetime.

I like to end interviews with a positive message. Is there a quote or mantra that has inspired you during challenging moments of your journey? Michelle Obama: “For me, being a mother made me a better professional, because coming home every night to my girls reminded me what I was working for. And being a professional made me a better mother, because by pursuing my dreams, I was modeling for my girls how to pursue their dreams.” It is important we encourage our children to go after their dreams and goals. If they see us work for the things we are passionate about then they learn to do the same in their lives.

Lois was soft-spoken, eloquent, humble and generously open to a candid dialogue about her personal story of becoming a woman, mother, wife and professional. My connection with her story was unexpected and truly welcome because one of the things I most enjoy about these interviews is the feeling that comes from listening to women tell stories that resonate. I have been able to do a lot of self-work in my life to find a happier me. Women everywhere identify with the work required to dig deep on the way to become their best self. It is the biggest reason why I continue to write these stories.

We spend a lot of time and energy looking at the differences between us. Lately, I’ve been wondering what our world would look like, if we made the same effort to find ways we’re similar or relate to each other, instead of seeking distinction. There are lots of opportunities to empower and support the women around you. Don’t be afraid to extend an olive branch to someone that does not have a life in common with you. Although, the journeys differ, you can still learn from others out there.

Lois’ story encourages us to listen to each other with an impartial and compassionate ear. Hopefully, I have planted a seed in your mental garden that helps spread light, maybe enticing you to consider looking at things from an alternate perspective. Women are bound by the experiences unique to the gender. Let’s use human connection for good.

AW is incredibly grateful to Lois and her team for letting us share this story on our platform.

Catch Live Lessons with Lois on IG TV, Fridays at 5pm EST.

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

A Woman’s Checklist

We have made it, another week is coming to a close. The new normal has been difficult to navigate for all of us. Everyone is doing their best to make something out of nothing, it isn’t easy.

This past week, I received a reminder, I am human too. It was my turn to regroup, as I saw the cup was overflowing. Have you had a moment when it all becomes too much? The anxiety caused by all the uncertainty we are facing can create fear, sadness, despair, and overwhelming stress.

Recently, Alyssa Milano opened up about her struggle with hair loss due to COVID-19. I read various articles and watched news report interviews where physicians explained that the hair loss is very real and closer related to the stress of the disease. We are increasingly seeing how the stress of the pandemic is affecting our mental and physical wellness. The deterioration can manifest in different ways. Now more than ever, it is crucial that women make sure to nurture themselves as we continue to add responsibilities to already busy roles.

Make sure to check yourself every day, build a checklist that is fit for your lifestyle and circumstance. Incorporate things that your body requires to stay grounded but also fill the tank mentally and physically

This is my personal checklist which may be helpful to you, when starting your own.

Find your inner peace – Seeking spiritual peace is essential to my well being, it equals tranquility. When I am having a difficult time making a decision, finding focus or yearning stability, I look inward for answers. Reading, meditating and solitude helps to locate a source within that will provide enough peace to beat the outside noise.

Stay grateful – It is important to create a space for gratitude every day. On a daily basis when I roll out of bed, I practice being thankful. It can be as simple “I am grateful…” If done first thing in the morning, it can shift the mood of your day.

Nurture a positive environment for yourself – Getting older can give us a newfound appreciation for the energy around us. As a younger woman, I did not give enough thought to the people I was keeping in my space. Today, the circle is small, in order to remain sane, it’s essential to only let in those individual who are positive forces. If you can add value to my life, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually then welcome to my temple. If not, apologies in advance, as this is a no entry zone.

Cultivate the real you – Life is short. This new normal has helped understand the value of life. Why spend time being someone you are not? Embrace the authentic you, no better feeling. Be yourself, live a life that is worthy and makes you happy. The people that truly love you will accept you but you have to do that for yourself first.

Practice self-love and compassion – We are, our own worst critic. Pounding ourselves to the point of no mercy. The expectations are high and if we don’t fulfill the dream, we resort to “I am a failure.” Everyone has unfulfilled goals or dreams but I’ve learned that no matter what you have to keep creating new ones! Bigger and more beautiful ones to pursue because anything is possible. We’ve seen others do it, why can’t we? Be kind to yourself, love yourself and take care of you. It is the key to efficiently give back to others, fill your tank first.

Know your worth. Don’t accept less than you deserve – Many of the troubles we encounter as women are tied into self-worth. The relationships, partners, situations we choose are connected to what we think of ourselves. For years, I struggled with understanding the importance of worthiness. Once I began to see, not only the value in who I am but how my needs matter, it was easier to see through the fog. It takes constant practice but a life changing step, as you do the work to build the best version of yourself.

Create your own checklist, review it, and modify, as often as, necessary. It will serve as a reminder of the things you need to be OK. You may be surprised how empowered you will feel when you complete this exercise.

What’s on your checklist? Post your comments below to share with our readers.

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: A Memoir by Molly Kochan

“I was hating the world before it could hate me. But this winning didn’t feel good. I might have beat everyone to the punch but I was isolated, alone, always out of place and pretty sure I didn’t like myself.”

– Molly Kochan (Raw, honest and incredibly powerful. Unapologetic, true to herself is what made her so beautiful!)

Unsure what to expect the first time I listened to the Dying for Sex Podcast, I hit play with an open mind and earphones plugged in for privacy. Hosts, Molly Kochan and Nikki Boyer’s antics reminded me of conversations with best girlfriends. Honest, raw and hysterically uncensored girl chats about boys and life, so much it can make almost anyone blush. But the most surprising and best part of listening to the series? I completely understood its purpose. It is not a frivolous tale of escapades but a story.  A woman looking to feel alive and in control of her body sets out on a mission to find herself and answers. She accomplishes what she sets out to do by learning to embrace desires, past ghosts, and a reality. In order to find inner peace and closure, Molly had to come to terms with everything that happened in her life up until the present time. An exchange of emotions combined with curiosity, as adventures are revealed to make you laugh, cry, and reflect while appreciating life. The narrative deserves an ear without judgment to truly grasp how the power of vulnerability builds connection. You are likely to feel inspired and encouraged when listening to this podcast. Leading you to think about your own life and how you want to live from this day forward. 

In the podcast Dying for Sex, Molly takes us on a ride during the last phase of life’s journey, now she brings us deeper into her story with a book. The Amazon release is set for August 18. The memoir is deeply personal, touching on the most intimate parts of her soul. Each of us has a story but until it is shared, you won’t understand its power. This is the tale of a girl who wanted what everyone wants – LOVE.

During this time when we’re asking ourselves so many life questions, try this for size. This book lends a microscope into the life of a woman who embraces her truth as her time on this planet was ending. Imagine what would happen if you accepted and revealed your own truth to the world while you are still here? Now. Today.

Sign up for the VIP list to get an inside look at the pages of this inspiring story!

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Sheila Decoster Shares with AW, the 3 Things to Know About Situationships

We can all agree that navigating the dating world is complicated. Rules of engagement, commitment, and relationships can be confusing. It’s essential to go into dating knowing what you want out of a relationship and partner. If you are missing that piece of the puzzle, it can lead you to slide into situations that are not necessarily good for you. One of these is situationships, easy to get into but tough to detach yourself from.

AW had the opportunity to speak with Sheila Decoster about the topic. The Certified Life and Relationship Coach has a Master’s Degree in Psychology and wealth of knowledge on the subject of relationships. The founder of Alpha Women’s Guide began the service to fulfill her purpose in life, helping women bring out their full potential. She explains that you can’t find true satisfaction without mastering the art of self-worth. Sheila explains how this kind of relationship can be detrimental to a woman’s emotional health.

A situationship is a romantic relationship that is not defined or is uncommitted. Occasionally, partners remain in the relationship for convenience. This does not mean the situationship does not have some or all the properties of a regular relationship. To the contrary, it is possible to share an emotional connection but the trap is living in the state of limbo it requires. These relationships don’t allow you to build the security that most normal relationships provide.

How does a woman know, she is in a situationship? What are the main characteristics of this type of relationship? These relationships can deceive you into believing you are in a committed relationship. You may be going out regularly, meeting his friends or family, speaking on a regular basis but you do not have a label demonstrating his commitment. You will likely be introduced as a “friend” instead of girlfriend. He may describe you as fun, easy going, flexible or the girl that goes with the flow! If you enter into a physical entanglement assuming commitment, you may be surprised. A promise of exclusivity in bed does not signify he is coupling with you. Things can get confusing, so if you start asking yourself questions like “I see potential but what are we? Where is this relationship going? Are we boyfriend/girlfriend?” it can be daunting. Honestly, it could make anyone feel terribly unhinged.

As a relationship coach, do you find most of your clients to be men or women? Are there noticeable differences in the way men and women handle situationships? All my clients are women. Men attend some of my workshops to learn about how women think but it’s women who come for assistance in untangling themselves from these complicated situations. Women often struggle with self-worth, it is a major reason for falling victim to these situations.

In what ways are these relationships unhealthy? These relationships lead to miscommunication, people not being clear on boundaries. You may place all your eggs in a basket without knowing his values or belief system thinking he is “the guy.” Unknowingly, cheating yourself out of meeting other potential suitors that can be better suited. In other cases, lack of commitment can entice a partner to feel he is free to date around which has potential to affect your emotional or physical health. Situationships tend to be easier to terminate, no warning or consideration for you is warranted.

What are the 3 most important things to know about this type of relationship?

The only way to get a clear head is to stop the sex. Chemistry with certain people is inevitable and powerfully moving. Eliminating the physical piece helps to limit releasing endorphins that sometimes fog our thinking.If you don’t know what you want from the onset, you may find yourself accepting whatever is given to you. Going with the flow implies you are not setting standards. Don’t give someone else the power to set the tone for the relationship. You have a right to voice your needs. Have the courage to hold an honest conversation about expectations.

What advice can you offer to women who are unhappy with their status and want to exit a situationship? Stop sleeping with the guy! It is the only way you will know if he is really into you.

Is there a mantra you would like to share with women trying to navigate the confusing world of dating? “If you are not willing to lose dates then you are not ready to date.” Don’t fear rejection or losing a guy, stick firmly to your standards.

It is normal to want to be part of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner to share your most intimate thoughts and moments. But remember, you deserve someone that cherishes you enough to give you the title that lets everyone know you are special to him.

We have different needs, what works for one person may not for another. Take charge, decide what type of relationship you want and accept nothing less. In the past, I’ve allowed myself to be blinded by my desire for a relationship. Going with the flow dragged me on a path of uncertainty resulting in unhappiness. Make sure the situation you are engaging in, is in your best interest. If you are both in agreement with the terms, you can lessen the chances of getting hurt.

If interested in hearing more about situationships, a special podcast episode called “The Problem with Situationships” will be available at Alpha Women’s Guide on Saturday, August 8.

AW is grateful to Sheila Decoster for sharing her dating tips with AW. Remember, don’t be afraid to ask questions and set standards because you are worth it!

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Empowerment Series: ABC’s, “United We Fall”, Actress, Christina Vidal Mitchell Shares her Favorite Parenthood Stories with AW

Christina Vidal Mitchell is a fellow New Yorker born and raised in Whitestone, Queens. Her face is no stranger to the cameras. She has been in the spotlight from an early age starting with “Life with Mickey” opposite Michael J. Fox. The big debut turned out to be a milestone in her career. She became the first Puerto Rican child actress to have a lead role in an American film.

Christina’s credits begin with teen cult favorites such as the 2006 film, See No Evil, Nickelodeon’s Taina and Freaky Friday in which she starred alongside Lindsay Lohan. The more recent roles provided access to a larger adult audience with CBS drama series Training Day, Code Black, Limitless and Blue Bloods. Her appearance, as Valerie in Amazon’s “Sneaky Pete” gave streaming service customers the chance to get to know her talents, too.  

Currently, Christina plays Jo Rodriguez in ABC’s newest hit United We Fall. In the sitcom, we watch how Jo and TV husband, Bill handle parenthood in a mainly disruptive but loving household. There is never a dull moment when managing the care of two little ones. Throw in a judgmental Irish mother-in-law and Latino Catholic family, you have a recipe for lots of laughs! It’s just the right dose of funny needed today to distract us from reality for a small fraction of time each week.

United We Fall comes at an interesting time, where there is a genuine lack of representation of the Latino community on primetime television. However, when I watched the series, it turned out to be about much more than meets the eye. AW had the wonderful opportunity to ask Christina about the show and her real life experiences as a mother. The beautiful mom of a toddler and newborn baby girl was warm, friendly and genuinely engaged while indulging my questions during our conversation.

I probably speak for many viewers of the show, there is immediate connection with the characters, Bill and Jo Ryan. The pair is relatable, imperfect and not afraid to be themselves which is refreshing. Jo is a working mother trying to keep her head above water and be a good mom like many of us, working to iron out the kinks. A recent episode, prompted a funny conversation with my daughter. We laughed about how when she was younger, I’d refer to my glass of wine at dinner as “mommy juice.” She admitted knowing early on that my drink was not juice, as she was not allowed to drink it. She thought it was hilarious that I wouldn’t acknowledge it was wine. Thinking back, it may have been mommy guilt on my part preventing me from showing enjoyment for the occasional adult beverage. It happens more often than we want to own up to, moms dealing with feelings of culpability for any number of reasons. Have you personally experienced mommy guilt in your role as a parent? How did you cope with the emotions tied into not being a perfect mom? You are 1000% right!!! I still struggle with mommy guilt. There are countless reasons for the shape our expectations take – Instagram, media etc. For me, it was a painful realization to understand the drastic difference between the expectations you have as a mom and what you actually do, as a parent. Our expectations can be unrealistic and we need to remind ourselves that we are human beings.

In the show, your overly critical mother-in-law lives with the family. Jo’s character seems to handle the living situation well. She doesn’t allow judgmental comments to affect her or her parenting style. Like all of us, Jo is a work in progress but she appears to embrace who she is, imperfections and all. It is a common theme, women’s appeal to the idea of delivering life in a neat little package. Advertisements sell images of what we “should” look and act like in society. It can lead us to claim failure, if we don’t do everything “right.” The mounting pressure is unfair, not to mention creates improbable goals. What would you say to women that struggle to attain these flawless ideals in motherhood? I would say “You are not alone” sometimes knowing that can be comforting. We have a natural need and desire for relationships and community. We make mistakes and learn from them as we go. If we share our stories, instead of remaining silent it can normalize our feelings until questions are answered.

United We Fall is hysterically funny! Looking back on my years of earlier parenting there are things I can laugh about now. Today, I realize these were teaching moments. In the show, your TV husband expressed a difficult truth “Parenting is hard and exhausting!” I remember, an incident post-divorce when I first moved to the suburbs. I was late picking up my daughter after school. My boss kept me late, train was delayed, I was so rushed that I grabbed the wrong train and skipped my stop. The error pushed my scheduled arrival even later – after a series of events that played out like a comedy of errors, I finally got to her. I cried for hours from frustration, remorse, and fear that I was screwing up. In the end, everything turned out OK. Any funny or memorable stories about parenthood you can share with us? There are so many!! but I will share two of them. We were at my husband’s acting rehearsal and I forgot to bring one of the ingredients for the baby’s formula. The indecision of whether to wait it out or pack up and head home delayed me until it could not wait. The baby was expressing her hunger. Of course, when I finally made the call to leave, a pounding rainstorm came swooping in. Everything went into lock down and the baby started freaking out! No food and nowhere to go. There was an avocado on set – I smashed it and that was her first puree meal. Shortly after, I felt the quiet after the storm and things were OK.

The second story involves me taking both the kids out and forgetting wipes and toddler diapers. I only figured it when my two-and-half year old pooped and we did not have wipes or diapers for her!! We were in the car, I was breastfeeding and she needed a change. What did we do? The only thing we could, took out a newborn diaper to get her through the ride home. Needless to say, she was as uncomfortable after her diaper change, as before it took place but we got through it OK.

These are a couple of the many moments, I felt like a failure. Everyone experiences instances of feeling overwhelmed by circumstance. Mothers may not say it out loud, “I love my kids to death, they fill me with happiness. But there are days when I don’t feel like doing all the things that come along with being a parent. I want to stay in bed or not do any chores.” I feel selfish but it’s normal to go through it, even if we do not verbalize it.

What do you like most about playing Jo Rodriguez? What is your favorite part of being on the show?  Professionally, being the lead of a sitcom was a dream I always carried with me. Sitcom/Comedy series has always been my favorite genre. Many years ago, I wrote it down in a dream list – be the lead in a comedy series. Dreams come true. Personally, I love the way Jo relates to her husband throughout their challenges. I’d like to implement more of this in my own relationship. The couple shares compassion, kindness and never blame one another for mistakes. Sharing the successes as much as the mishaps without judgment or criticism – friendship prevails in their union.

What has been the best advice you’ve been given as a parent? A while back, I attended a baby shower with the kids. The overprotective mom that I can be, I always get nervous about something happening, if I am not paying attention or close by. I like to be standing next to my children at all times. One of the other parents noticed my stress, tried to relieve me by telling me other parents were watching, it was going to be fine. In effort to comfort my hesitation with my daughter, she shared words that stuck with me. “We can’t protect our children from everything. By you trying to overprotect her from everything in life, you are keeping her from a gift that God may be giving her or a lesson that requires learning.” She tried to explain that it’s fine to watch over our children but they also need space to experience life.

Life has changed, we’re in a state of uncertainty and anxiety over so much happening in the world. As a parent, it is important we work to provide a positive environment for our families. I think laughter is a great way to inject good in our lives. Thanks to shows like United We Fall, it is possible to laugh, again. I like to end interviews with an uplifting message to inspire readers. Do you have a quote or mantra that encourages you to look at the bright side or help overcome worries? Yes, a scripture, Philippians 4:13 helps me a lot during overwhelming moments. Just the other day, I was taking care of the baby and giving my older daughter a bath. Afraid the older one would slip in the tub and the baby needing me caused an incredibly stressful moment, things were unraveling at the same time. I took a deep breath and said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” The words showered me with calm.

AW shares these stories to help you, me, all of us feel less alone in our experiences. Women are nurturers, caretakers, selfless by nature. We have a duty to ourselves to let the light shine through the cracks. My daughter helped me understand the power of allowing myself to be seen. She expressed her concern over not meeting my expectations of perfection. I had to take the veil off to show her I was a ball of imperfections. I apologized for ever making her feel that she had to be flawless. Our children need to see that we are not perfect beings. We make mistakes, and they will too, it’s how we learn the lessons.

AW is extremely grateful to Christina and ABC for granting the opportunity to tell this story. Check your local listings for “United We Fall” a show well-worth your time!

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The 2 Things All Men Want May Shock You

Once upon a time, I was intrigued by the question “What do men want? Single, dating in the city and hoping to find the perfect love was the status quo. I wasn’t aware of the complications connected to a longstanding relationship. It’s never as simple as giving into demands of a partner to keep him satisfied. Human beings are complicated, it is essential the desires of both partners are met. Having an understanding of what both parties require is important to the health of a relationship, however, many women seem to be more vested in finding out what men want.

In several cultures, the female is raised to believe that she is responsibility for keeping a man happy. There are variations of this ideal, Japanese culture introduced the geisha (geiko, geigi). A classic example of a woman trained to entertain others by performing traditional singing and dancing. The strict appearance includes wearing the designated oshiroi makeup, hairstyle and kimono accompanied by refined manners. Individuals are trained artisans requiring years of schooling and sacrifices.

In the Latino culture, there is a history of machismo ingrained in the fabric of male-female relationships. Men are perceived to be the authority figure while women are expected to succumb to their demands. Sometimes, expectations force major offerings by the female. Women tend to be the ones to give up leisure time, dreams or goals to oblige. My upbringing had some of this model until my mother came into her own. Fed up by the norm around her, she decided to rebel against the traditions by departing on her own journey to empowerment. Although, exceptions to the rules exist, it is something that plenty of cultures still try to uphold. Thankfully, modern day women are breaking down old school perceptions by owning who they are and using their voice.

Despite the revolution of change, the fascination continues to know what it is, men want. Films have been made, books written and relationship gurus share their own ideas about a possible answer to the question. Steve Harvey has made millions giving advice to women in book turned movie, Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man or sophomore book Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man.

Personal curiosity led me to do some research on the topic. I started with asking a handful of men the question and reading everything I could find on the topic. In a 2015 Oprah interview, Steve Harvey dropped three golden nuggets for women looking for an answer. Men want support, loyalty and the cookie with a caveat. Don’t assume if you give all three it will put a man on lock down. The cookie alone is not enough to tie a man into a relationship. Emotional attachment is necessary to help create cohesiveness between two people but that is another blog!

Dating gurus’ overlap on opinions about what men want. Honesty, admiration and to be spoken to like a man. They can also do without our emotional outbursts, as some would call it. Lastly, our partners want acceptance, respect and love. Sound familiar?

During my earlier years, I made a habit out of trying to fit the desired mold to please others. The reality is that no one wants change forced on them. If you change, it should be for yourself not for the sake of someone else. Being accepted for everything you are is love, beginning with yourself. Regardless of gender, these are basic human needs that encourage our evolution.

Consider the individual complex personalities, backgrounds and patterns everyone has, it’s understandable that acquiring a balance of wants, needs and desires between two people is extremely difficult. It can seem at times, you are playing a guessing game. Men and women communicate in different ways making things quite complicated. Learning what each partner wants is challenging but can be facilitated if you have couple guidelines in place.

Having the best match is key but only possible, when you know what you want, first. You want to give yourself to a man deserving of all you have to offer.Talk and listen to one another. Having the lines of communication open eliminates misconceptions about mutual needs.

Men are a different breed but ultimately, they are human, like us. The two things they want most may be what everyone wants at the end of the day, to feel cared for and respected, embracing the imperfections.,

Lastly, both yours and his needs should complement one another instead of clashing. You should have a man in your life who shares the things you want, too.

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Empowerment Series: 3-Time Emmy Winning Host, Media Personality and Actress, Nikki Boyer Shares her Womanhood with AW

We have seen her as a frequent guest on The Wendy Williams Show, Access Hollywood Live and the remake of Netflix’ s Gilmore Girls. Her face is recognized by millions, with a voice that is soothing and animated, as a storyteller’s should be. Nikki Boyer is the host and creator of the wildly popular podcast, Dying for Sex which is so much more than sex. It is the story of a woman on a journey to self-love.

My initial communication with Nikki came a few months ago when she contributed a quote for AW’s Dying for Sex article. During our exchanges, her personality shined through, especially her kind demeanor. I was elated when she agreed to do this interview. She is an example of a woman who owns who she is and says what she thinks. While some describe her as edgy, I celebrate her transparency when discussing womanhood with me.

You have been in the media entertainment industry for many years with great success. Oftentimes, in order for women to advance in the professional world they have to sacrifice something in their lives. Do you feel you had to give anything up, in order, to get to a place in your life, where you are satisfied with success? Can you share the sacrifice?

This is really interesting question. I do think at some points during my life, I have given up things or made sacrifices. But overall, I’ve made an effort for there to be a balance. I love working. But I also love human connection. The joy of what I do is that I get to have both at the same time. The small sacrifices made, include being away from family in St. Louis. Not seeing them as often is a direct sacrifice, to do what I love, in a city that I love. In Los Angeles, I have a support system of friends that feel like family but occasionally, I miss connecting with my roots. 

I think because I’ve dealt with so much death, it’s caused me to be really aware of time. During my 20’s and early 30’s, I lost very important people in my life. I believe the losses shaped me in many ways. First, it gave me an awareness for the uncertainty in the time we have left. Secondly, it provided a reminder that we are the ones who get to navigate our own lives. Our choices on how we spend our time, directly reflects the lives we live. My experience with Molly prompted the reality of how we are the ones that get to choose, how to shape our own lives. We decide our reaction to things and yes sacrifices will happen but don’t let them rule you. Ultimately, self-sacrifice begins to feel a little less like sacrifice and more like choices.

The bio on your website refers to you as an #instamom. Newly engaged, mom of beautiful Bernadette – your insanely beautiful dog! You also carve time with your 2 stepdaughters, in addition to a busy career! It takes effort to master the juggling act of being a woman. How do you balance it all, a.k.a. “stay sane”? What is your must have when it comes to creating your best life at home?

Staying sane is a full-time job. LOL.  Luckily my stepdaughters are teenagers and a little bit self-sufficient these days. But back in the day when they were younger, they needed a lot more guidance and help to do the smallest things like buttering their toast, it was exhausting – and overwhelming. It was also, time consuming. Watching the young ladies that they’ve grown into is quite rewarding. I’m still working on balance in my life but I constantly try to take time for myself. If my gas tank is empty then everyone suffers. So, I take a bath every single day. I allow time to breathe and connect with my fiancé. I make time for conversations and share parts of myself with him daily. Afterwards, I take the best medicine in the world, laying next to my dog, Bernadette.  I’ve learned to carve out time for all of these things. Truth is without them, we are just balls of stress and anxiety running on auto pilot, plus “I’d much rather row my boat then be plugging holes in my boat.” Make time for self-care because the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one that you will ever have.

Many of us have listened to your enlightening podcast “Dying for Sex” on Wondry. Personally, it stirred up endless emotions as a female. As women, it’s ingrained in us to repress the sexual parts of us that are natural. It may not be ladylike to discuss sex or desire, as it can be perceived as inappropriate or taboo. However, at the same time, women are objectified in films, media and by a good part of the society. I believe there is freedom in speaking our minds without fear of judgment or backlash. You are known to be outspoken, frank and direct about all topics. Is there any subject relating to being a woman that is off the table or censored for fear of judgment? Is there a specific subject that you feel women should discuss more openly – if so, what is it and why?

This is a great question. Yes. I believe that women should be able to talk about sex as often as they would like. Soon as you talk about things, it removes the embarrassment. For some reason, in our culture we have created this shame around women and their bodies. Yet, at the same time, if you’re going to have a nude scene, it’s always a woman that gets exposed. I am noticing a some shift in this and it’s kind of nice! 

There was a time when I wish I were a man – today, I know better! I was always jealous of how they are not judged on their weight, looks or what they do and don’t do. Presently, I embrace and love being a woman – wouldn’t have it any other way! It is one of the greatest gifts I have been given. What do you love about being a woman? What do you dislike?

What, I dislike about being a woman is our menstrual cycle. To me, it is torture to go through it each month. The PMS, bleeding then ovulation. I hate that it can paint us into a corner at times, due to the effect of being emotional and overreacting. If for one moment, a man could feel what goes on in our bodies when the hormones are out of whack, they would short circuit. Once, your reproductive years become irrelevant, you have to hit the breaks, as menopause kicks into gear. This seems like such an unfair crock of shit. LOL. However, what I love about being a woman is how soft creatures that we are, we can also be powerful. We give the best hugs, as well as, welcome strangers into our families. We have a capacity for love, like no other and multitask like a bad ass. But one of the biggest gifts we have as women is the ability to lift each other up in the strongest of ways. Female connection is so unbelievably magical and empowering that I try to use it every day. Give love to your sisters out there.

Your new podcast “The Daily Smile” which I love – is wonderful! My favorite episode is “Drone Love.” We need shows like this, especially nowadays. I find myself watching mainstream news for hours leaving me drained and sad. The podcast episodes are short enough to tell a story and make us a laugh, smile or feel good. The world needs positive energy, we should find ways to contribute something good during this time of uncertainty. I like to end interviews by sharing a positive message. Is there a quote or mantra that you can share to offer hope or comfort? It could be words that have helped lift your own spirits at some point in time. We are all in this together – it is a difficult period for everyone for different reasons, sometimes an uplifting quote can change our day.

One of my favorite mantras is about growth. Life is not easy. Sometimes it’s quite messy. We are constantly growing and learning. But I do often live by this… “You can either deal with the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth.  You choose.”  This helps me a lot when moving through decisions in my life.

Our interview concluded with a powerful message. One that I believe will resonate with most of you. Hopefully, reading this article evokes thought or entices you to question, how can you bring more of yourself to the forefront in your life? Gone are the days when women had to sit still and look pretty. No more silencing the voices to make others feel comfortable or suppress identities to keep a man. Your first loyalty should be to yourself and the choices you make should reflect that because you are worth it.

Nikki’s courageous voice is a gift. She is a strong woman empowering other women to live their best life without filter. We all have a voice, by using it wisely and responsibly, each one of us can set ablaze our own trail of inspiration to help others flourish.

AW is immensely grateful to Nikki for sharing her story on this platform. I encourage you to open your mind, keep asking the questions without fear of the answers that may appear during your journey.

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Empowerment Series: Communications & Digital Media Manager for Girl Up, United Nations Foundation, Rahkendra Ice Shares her Inspiration with AW

The U.N. Foundation’s 2020 Girl Up Leadership Summit is filled with women known for their empowerment, inspiration and courage. The Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle as Keynote Speaker, special message from Former U.S. First Lady and Award-Winning Author, Michelle Obama joined by other special guests like Nadia Murad, 2018 Nobel Peace Laureate, UN Goodwill Ambassador, and Founder and President of Nadia’s Initiative, Sheryl Sandberg, COO Facebook and Founder of LeanIn.Org, Actress, Pryanka Chopra Jonas and Former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. The presence of these confident women have invigorated the main stage this year.

The United Nations started Girl Up in 2010, creating a global community in support of young girls around the world. The organization partners with leaders from every area of society to help girls tap into their personal power and learn to advance their skills, as well as, understand their rights. The program is an wonderful initiative impacting over 65,000 girls across 120 countries including all 50 US states. It is now a global movement motivating young girls to push for social change and gender equality.

Girl Up‘s yearly summit is in full swing. This year’s event is different, as the conference is being held virtually. Social distancing will not stop the robust lineup scheduled online between July 13-15. AW had an opportunity to communicate with Rahkendra Ice, Communications & Digital Media Manager working with the United Nations Foundation to ask about the significance of this event for young girls and women everywhere.

What does “Girl Up” mean to you personally? How has the movement impacted your personal journey as a woman? It’s really powerful to see a community of young women that is serious and passionate about making a difference – that’s what Girl Up is. I don’t know that I had this kind of community when I was younger. As much as we’re “teaching” these young women, we’re learning from them, too. I’ve had the opportunity to meet a number of young Girl Up leaders who have written books, started nonprofits, organized protests, been part of history by being the first or the youngest, the list goes on. Unlike them, I spent a lot of my youth waiting to be an adult. I thought there’d be this magical moment when “adulthood” happens and my life would really begin. I thought by the time I “became a woman” I’d have it all figured out. The truth is, it’s all a journey. You’re always learning, always growing. There’s no magical point in womanhood where you’ve figured it all out. I’m inspired to see these young women getting such a head start.

Why do you believe it is important for women, as well as young girls, to attend the Girl Up Virtual Summit? How do you hope to inspire us to create the best self? Girl Up’s Leadership Summit is special this year because we have an opportunity to host it virtually and reach a broad range of people. We’re honored to have so many women and girls sharing their experiences and perspectives on such a wide platform. Sometimes, the world can feel so big – and when we hear of how women (no matter where they are in the world) overcame obstacles that feel familiar to us (wherever we are in the world). We are inspired, invigorated, reminded that we’re not alone. These stories are our strength. I especially love that each girl, each woman, brings something different to this global conversation – she may be outgoing and gregarious, soft-spoken or loud, assertive or more shy, and it makes her no less powerful just because she has a different presentation. Representation in that way makes all the difference. Leaders don’t look or act just one way. I hope that inspires everyone to be their best self and not copy someone else’s style.

How can women help promote your movement and agenda of gender equality and social change in our own lives? Someone once told me that “Big things are a consistency of small things,” so start small. Educate yourself. Support young women. Create opportunities. Share your stories. Do the introspective work, acknowledge the ways you may be getting in our own way… and stop.

Rakhendra’s powerful message is received with gratitude. She reminds us of the importance in living out our values (not just talk about them). The Girl Up initiative is of great significance, it seeks to provide proper tools to educate girls in preparation to lead. It unites women of all ages, backgrounds, and races for the purpose of making each other stronger. The ultimate goal is to strengthen our communities and build generations of future leaders that can do the unimaginable.

Thank you to Rakhendra for the inspiration. If you are interested in getting involved with Girl Up please visit their site for more information.

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