Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 19

Beware: 3 Types of Love that Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

Love is intoxicating, even exhilarating but can also be detrimental to our health when falling for the wrong person. As women, we sometimes romanticize situations and become martyrs in relationships. It’s important to recognize that some loves are destructive, shoddy or plain rotten. We can usually sense when things are not on the up-and-up, however untangling reality has an emotional and mental cost that we aren’t always prepared to pay.

Have you ever experienced bad love? There are people that don’t serve us well, to the contrary, drag us down. These relationships need to be flagged and building the awareness it takes to avoid getting caught up in messy predicaments is essential. Unfortunately, it’s hard to do the right thing all the time, which may lead to a firestorm.

Human beings are wired for connection, we want to be loved. Sometimes, the insatiable desire to capture this emotion can push us in directions that are not always in our best interest. Bad love is deceiving, you may experience a love-like feeling but it’s toxic. You have the intensity without getting anything positive, to the contrary it will tear you up inside. This so-called rush has the ability to make you believe you’re knee-deep in adoration. Those pangs of love can be harmful, consuming, even dangerous, so should it be called love?

Personal history helped me understand that individuals who have everything to gain from this type of passion are those that do not bring anything substantial to the table. A low self-esteem or desperate search for love makes us more susceptible to fall into poor relationships. Inadvertently, at times, we compromise ourselves by accepting less than we deserve.

It took time to realize the love I was looking for was already with me. Understanding, I was enough became a life-altering realization. Once, I stopped settling for just anyone, improved options opened up. The choices that began to present themselves started to look different, so did my life afterwards. Ultimately, it was clear that standing by my worth was the one thing that would help lead me to the healthiest love match.

There are several types of this second-class love, some will sound familiar.

Unrequited Love can result in feelings of embarrassment or anguish. When the object of affection does not reciprocate your romantic feelings, it’s gut wrenching. In some cases, you are an admirer, keeping your love a secret. Other times, it’s a case of one person having strong emotions that are not returned. One-sided love will never thrive, it holds you back from other romantic possibilities. In order for love to take place and flourish, both parties need to be receptive to it.

Forbidden Love has the potential to do significant damage to the people involved, as well as, those around them. Wanting someone you cannot have is not a good way to start to any relationship. If it’s taboo, there are laws against it or society frowns upon it, this kind of love is almost certainly doomed. Maybe, ask yourself is it worth it? Is the price you are going to pay enough to compensate for what you are giving up? Are you tarnishing your dignity, ethics, reputation or worse, self-respect?

Toxic Love is more common than we may think. These relationships often involve a lot of insecurity, anxiety and distress. People are complicated and this type of love feeds off of negativity which makes it all so cruel. Pain and fear can sometimes serve as a foundation for these unions. Couples can be forced to stay together out of convenience, manipulation, threats of abuse or habit. The connection survives on the shoulders of one partner’s weakened spiritual state. Toxicity consumes a partner or both, depleting joy piece by piece. A high volume of stressful arguments, disagreements and confrontations may be followed by a gentle pause that allows for reconcile then a vicious cycle starts all over again.

Love is not perfect but it should fill your heart with overall goodness. It is a place of peace and comfort that makes you feel safe. Your intuition will give off a signal when something is “off” or does not feel right. Good love should complement your life, not yank you into an abyss of misery.

It has taken years of constant soul searching to interpret and embrace my truths. Accepting bad love into my life was less about others, more about denying self-worth. Although, these were unconscious decisions, I have learned to own each one. Cutting ties with painful situations and building the awareness to avoid toxicity has been an integral part of the work to better myself.

It is a huge undertaking to expect that you will get it right each time. Mistakes happen, in order for us to learn the lessons. It’s important to keep in mind, if you are forced to sacrifice self-love and self-respect in a manner that bargains who you are in any way then it’s not good for you.

Remember, “Standing alone is better than standing with people who hurt you. – Anonymous.

Have you experienced any of these types of love?

Photo Credit: Ava_photos1

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: BET, Tyler Perry’s, “Sistas” Actress – Novi Brown Shares Sisterhood and Commitment with AW

Tyler Perry‘s BET series “Sistas” follows a group of four women, as they find themselves and love while going through a series of ups and downs in relationships. Despite the ongoing merry-go-round of emotions, they survive personal ordeals by leaning on their circle of friendship.

In a recent storyline for the show, Novi Brown’s character, Sabrina Hollins is left in a state of indecision about whether or not to commit to her on-screen beau. The ambivalence of to be or not to be exclusive creates great confusion. Her turmoil worsens when she sees the object of affection on a date with another woman after she declines his request for exclusivity. It is up to her girls to support the uncertainty, and help Sabrina understand there is no right or wrong, just what’s best for her individual happiness.

As women, we are pressured into thinking there is a need to have a man by our side, in order to feel complete. Thankfully, gender roles are changing, so are the dating rules we’ve been following. The way we view relationships is evolving, as we step into careers full speed and delay or cancel motherhood. Often times, it takes the support of the women in our circle to remind us, we don’t have to do things the conventional way. There are options outside traditional boundaries set by old world thinking. We should remain confident in the women we’ve grown into, knowing there is always a choice.

AW had the exciting opportunity to interview Novi Brown on the topics of sisterhood and commitment. The Writer/Actor was born in Berlin, Germany but New York City holds a piece of her heart. Since graduating Magna Cum Laude from The City College of New York with a Bachelors in Fine Arts she has shared her talents across the creative entertainment industry by taking part in 15 film and television productions, as well as, countless print works.

Hopefully, this interview offers a fresh perspective on the commitments in your life, not just in love but with girlfiends too!

The comedy-drama, Sistas has been a breath of fresh air. It demonstrates how females empower each other through strong friendships. We need to promote more sisterhood among women, show as much support, as possible. How important have girlfriends been in your life while navigating the world of love, career, and relationships? My girls have been vital in my growth, as an individual. The cool thing about my friendships is that we are very open with each other and committed to having a judgement free zone. It is a place we can safely discuss our internal and external issues within the world of love, career & relationships. Receiving feedback from a untainted source is truly divine and friendships can hold space for that!

We can learn a lot from other women. Our experiences connect us, and there are countless stories out there to inspire us, if we set aside the judgment. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned from the sisterhood in your life? The biggest lessons learned from my sisterhood – your sisters are there to help you sharpen instincts and reinforce boundaries. Sisterhood means being transparent and brave enough to admit when you are afraid to be seen for who you are, on all levels. These are some of the countless lessons I have learned and continue to during this journey.

The show does a great job of showing the various types of men we encounter during the dating game. In a recent episode, your character, Sabrina, deals with the indecision of whether or not to commit to a man she has been dating for a short time. What advice can you give to readers that may be encountering a similar situation in their life? I find dating and love to be interesting topics. We would like to think that any of us are experts on the subject but it’s different for everyone. All we know is what makes us individually, feel good and that is what matters most. Attraction is an ever-evolving aspect of our lives, as is our capacity to make space for others through love and understanding. Stay open and have fun with the experience.

I was a late bloomer, who had a hard time finding my voice in relationships and life. It set me back years, I’ll never forget the feeling of coming to the realization that I had a right to be heard. This was life-changing, helping me come into my own. I was ready to accept the responsibility of what it meant to be an empowered woman. Once I began the journey, true freedom set in for me. Your character, Sabrina is slowly evolving, as she looks to figure out her wants and needs, as a woman. Can you recall, when you found your voice? How did the revelation change your life? I’m still finding my voice as a woman, everyday. There are ” a lot of loud ass men out there trying to shut out women’s voices.” Many of the limitations imposed on women have to do with a man’s perspective. Men in society have been setting the rules and silencing us for centuries. I honor the ability to be open and receptive to a steady unfolding of the female voice, starting with my own. Every time I use my power as a woman, I have a revelation. I can and will change my life according to my vision.

AW likes to end interviews with a positive message. Please share a quote or mantra to inspire readers? Words you lean on when experiencing inner struggles or indecision on something important in your life? “Progression, not perfection” because life is a perfect balance of moving forward by appreciating when we’re able to look back. Use your mind as a tool, not a trap. Leap and take risks you will be proud of.

The motivational speaker, Jim Rohn quote “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” came to mind while writing about the meaning of the women in our lives. I believe there is so much truth to his words. My girlfriends, have all let me borrow their superpowers at some point during our lives. I’ve benefited from their understanding, strength, kindness, sage advice, confidence, compassion, and non-judgmental attitudes. Having strong women around has inspired me in unimaginable ways.

The friendships in our lives help us push through to the other side of pain. Women find their voice at different times. Your girls come to the rescue while you are struggling to evolve. They help us find courage to speak out when needed. We shouldn’t underestimate the power women have on each other. Leaning on female relationships is life saving. It can provide comfort during confusing or difficult moments, as well as, joy. Having girlfriends to celebrate the wins together is just as important to highlight.

The personal exchange with Novi was a pleasure. She is lovely, and her friendly demeanor made it easy to write this uplifting interview. It’s encouraging to see how many women are willing to share their stories to educate or motivate others. AW appreciates the time and interest from Novi to lend a piece of her journey to our readers.

Check your local listings for Tyler Perry’s “Sistas” on BET. You can also follow on Instagram for updates on Novi and the cast.

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: First Mexican American Woman to Become President of a Wine Production Company in the World: President of Ceja Vineyards – Amelia Moran Ceja Shares Resilience with AW

My appreciation for wine began during my 20’s. However, it wasn’t until the 30’s when I took a genuine interest in learning about the many regions, varieties, and vineyards making the fermented grape juice. The world of wine is complex and extensive which takes time to understand. No two palates are the same, neither are the grapes fermented for years to produce the popular alcoholic drink. The wine industry is fascinating, there is a science, art, process, history and elegance behind it but there is another side not often discussed.

Recent figures reflect how grossly misrepresented our gender is in this industry. For example, the number of women winemakers in California is said to be less than 15% of the total 4200+ wineries in California. The facts were not too surprising but extremely disappointing. Luckily, after a little digging and chat with friend, Kerin Martucci at N.U.S.W, I was encouraged to seek out a story that would highlight the success of a woman in this line of business. My hope was to empower other women to go after their dreams no matter who is in the race. The opportunity to showcase a boss is always amazing, when she is the President of Ceja Vineyards, it surpasses expectations.

Amelia Moran Ceja‘s go-getter personality jumped across my screen soon after her bright smile showed up on Zoom. Our virtual meeting was more of a friendly and open chat about life as matriarch and fighter of dreams, rather than a formal interview. She has a strong, yet, gentle presence that exudes confidence. The energy she reflects is infectious, it left me in an empowered state of mind. Her story has been shared on Bloomberg Newsweek, CNBC, Univision, Napa Valley Register, Today Show and Smithsonian Magazine, just to name a few. Having the Mexican powerhouse as part of this series was pure joy, adding fuel to the AW fire.

At the age of 12, she had her first taste of Merlot grapes. The dreamer arrived from Jalisco, Mexico to Rutherford, CA with green card in hand. In 1967, she joined her father, a vineyard foreman to pick grapes and attend school in the states. The young Amelia knew what she wanted early on, when she told him that one day, she would own a winery of her own.

She received formal education from UC San Diego then went on to receive her experience in the industry. In 1983, Amelia along with a group of family members purchased 15 acres in Carneros to grow the family’s own grapes – history in the making! In 1999, she did something in the wine business that was unheard of, become the first Mexican American woman in the world to hold the position of President at a wine production company.

You’ve said that you “Don’t believe labels and stereotypes matter – what matters is what you do with your life moving forward.” Unfortunately, the reality is that we live in a world that sees color, socioeconomic status and perception matters. People are not always kind to each other. In a Bloomberg interview, you shared your thoughts on how, “The wine industry is built to keep people away – especially people of color.” Your ability to break countless barriers, reaching unimaginable goals is truly inspirational.

You set out to build your dream and bring it to fruition. Undoubtedly, your story offers hope to many. What type of resistance have you encountered on the journey to become the woman you are today? Are you able to share an experience that forced you to dig deep, to fight back any thoughts of giving up? I come from a matriarchal family, born in the town of Las Flores in Mexico, where there was no electricity or running water. We bathed in the river but despite our humble beginnings, my maternal grandmother made me feel like I could do anything, achieve whatever, I set my mind to. Doing my absolute best in school was a priority, education provided opportunities and infused my confidence. I’ve learned to follow my passion, stay on the path of success and not take no for an answer. It is hard to be turned down, there are lots of no’s on the road to our dreams but I did not let it stop me. Immigrants have a difficult path but we’re born with the fight in us. There are differences in access to education, however, it should not discourage you. Be willing to work harder than anyone else, you will win! The only one that can stop you is yourself.

You have been described as a “5’ powerhouse of resilience.” Obviously, the accomplishments under your belt are a clear sign of your sheer determination. I’m learning that anything worthwhile takes effort, as the path to success is never easy. Struggles are inevitable, I often think challenges are necessary to build character, test our will and make us stronger. Human beings are more resilient than given credit for. Where do you get your resilience from? Can you offer advice on learning how to build resilience? The wine industry is dominated by Northern European white males. In the late 90’s, few of the world’s winemakers were women, today we are more in numbers which is better but there is still a lot of work to do. We have lots of obstacles as women, Latinas, and immigrants. In the past, there has been a perception that wine is for the “well to do.” It is a disservice to believe it can only be enjoyed by people with a surplus to spend. My strategy was to create something that would complement our food, showcasing the plates we love to eat. No one was talking about a Cabernet that could accompany beans, for example. Latinos were not part of the wine industry, consideration was not given to our culture. It was instinctual, I wanted to add our signature to the brand, showing what we have to offer. The mission was never in doubt, I knew we were adding value and goals for the business continue to be on target. No fire, earthquake, pandemic will extinguish the dream we are building.

The energy and resilience goes back generations, not just for me but all of us. We have an advantage as immigrants, our work ethic, and commitment to grow and learn is relentless. It doesn’t matter what you do, be the best at whatever you choose to be. Have the courage to hold on to your sense of worth and freedom to be yourself. Do not doubt yourself, fighting the fear of failure can give way to the resilience, we possess deep down as human beings.

Ceja Vineyards continues to thrive despite a pandemic. I read that 90% of your harvest is sold to vintners, the remainder is used to make small batches of your vintage. You have moved the tasting room into your kitchen for Mexican cuisine cooking lessons and wine pairings that air on the Ceja YouTube channel, as well as, recipes posted to the vineyard site. Your Facebook Live show, Taco Tuesday is gaining popularity. I loved the mother-daughter duo, the segments on Ceviche and Guacamole were great! It is authentic and helps fans connect with you and your brand. Seeing the transition of a young girl’s dream turn into a successful venture must be fulfilling as a business owner and woman that has made her mark in Latino history. Your daughter, Dalia is a partner, joining you as you build the Ceja wine empire. Our goal as mothers is to leave our sons and daughters with as many life lessons, as they’re willing to learn but I’d like to ask – What has been the biggest lesson Dalia has taught you? I am constantly learning from my daughter. She is so creative, I am amazed watching her use her gifts to do all the social media marketing that puts the face and brand of Ceja Vineyards out into the world. We are a small business but we run it as a family and she is such a big part of everything clients see on the platforms. It is important that as women, we share our knowledge to empower each other. We do this constantly, and as mother and daughter – are stronger for it. Imagine, everything that can be accomplished, if all women, did the same across the world. I passed on my dedication to Dalia, seeing her be a mother to Luna is wonderful. The love that “my Mama Meli” gave to me now transcends into a new generation, it is a blessing to be able to see it all unfold. We learn from one another every day.

We often have fears or hesitation about trying new things. Daring ourselves to be different and thinking outside the box can be challenging. However, we have to keep trying, it’s part of how we elevate ourselves to become who we are meant to be. A few years ago, during a speaking engagement, you challenged the audience to find something uncomfortable and go out and do it. How do you continue to challenge yourself to be better? There are always opportunities to learn and challenge myself. Education is power, I am learning from my daughter and the world around me all the time.

I like to end AW interviews with a quote, mantra or advice that inspires readers. Can you share a message or story that inspired you during a time you needed strength to keep pushing towards your vision? In 2018, I took a trip with my husband, while in Budapest, we heard about a Frieda Kahlo exhibit. The artist’s strength and confidence has always been a source of admiration for the women in my family.

An accident early in Frieda’s life left her in lifelong chronic pain but it never stopped her from living a life of passion and purpose. The Mexican painter and feminist went on to become a figure of unbelievable strength, despite her suffering. I wanted to see her work up close but could not get tickets to the exhibit that day. There were lots of people waiting outside, it was beautiful to feel the energy of an inspired generation. In conversation with a young woman on the ticket holder’s line, I realized just how much of an icon Frieda was to many others, too. Her story is an inspiration, it holds so much power to learn about a woman who is able to thrive in a male-dominated society in the 20th century, as she battles personal and medical struggles. Stories such as these empower us to step outside the comfort zone and create greatness. We can do so much, anything that we set our minds to when we don’t give up!

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It is how tough you can be when life’s circumstances beat your spirit. In life, challenges are going to present themselves, you will be tested. Sometimes, you feel so disappointed or broken that you can’t see the bigger picture. Truth is human beings have an indelible ability to come back from hardship but we don’t give ourselves enough credit. If you believe that you can overcome the afflictions, you can go on to win the war.

Ceja Vineyards began with a dream to create something unique. It was a wish until Amelia and her family put in the determination, sweat, tears, and patience to make it a reality. If you have a goal, you are working to accomplish, count on the hard days to happen but don’t let those moments shake your confidence, as you build your dream.

AW is grateful to have an opportunity to share the story of Amelia Ceja Moran. It served as a reminder of the value in working hard and the ability we have to design the life envisioned. Everything is possible when you believe!

To find out more about Ceja Vineyards visit the website , Instagram or check out Taco Tuesdays on Facebook Live!

Protected content. 2021 awakened-woman

Top 5 of 2020

The events of 2020 impacted individual microcosms in different ways. Our lives were turned inside out, residual effects of an uncertain and inevitable reality did not spare anyone. Job losses are in the millions, people can’t pay their rent and countless small businesses are closing each day. Sadly, the worst of it does not end there, as death tolls are being recorded in astronomical numbers.

There are so many words I can use to describe the year 2020. Like many others, I too, experienced an invasion of instigators, testing my emotional and mental well-being.

The past year has affected us all in some way without exception. A case of Co-vid 19 hit this home front, thankfully, at the end of the tunnel was a full recovery. Dementia, an illness that robs families of loved ones’ memories, struck our family. More recently, distance resulting from the economic downturn of a pandemic, challenged an important relationship in my life but I’m hopeful it will withstand the difficult times ahead. Despite unfortunate events, life continues to roll on by, and I have to keep pushing forward, as do you.

Day two of 2021, while reminded of the things taken away last year, it also dawned on me that maybe, everything happens for a reason? Today, thoughts led me to a deeper introspection, followed by a realization that some good has resulted from the crazy old year.

1. The year, 2020 gave me the gift of bonding. Were it not for time in quarantine, I would not have spent my daughter’s senior year of high school alongside her. Learning to appreciate time, using it to take part in productive conversations has strengthened our relationship.

2. Time to reflect, rest and be grateful. The old year forced me to evaluate life. Take inventory of what I do and do not want for myself. The time has opened a path to getting focused on a few of life’s biggest questions.

3. The world has been in chaos for what seems like an eternity, events set in motion by a vicious virus. We experienced a pandemic, political unrest, riots and a nation’s divide. By December 31, 2020 society’s climate had a slight warm up. The people voted, majority won and a change of administration will be in place on Inaguration Day. A modified stimulus package was passed, giving a little hope to Americans. Co-vid 19 vaccines have finally reached the hands of medical professionals offering a glimpse of relief. Over time, we should get our lives back, piece by piece.

4. Health was at the forefront of our minds during 2020. Having a glowing bill of health became pivotal to everyone. I have newfound gratitude for good health!

5. Gratitude renewed during time when many are without so much. I count the blessings in my life. The difficulties are small in comparison to what is happening outside. We have what we need and I am thankful.

The old year was full of crappy news. I’ve had to dig deep to find the good stuff. Meeting so many inspiring women during 2020 offered strength. The AW Empowerment Series was well-received by readers and the generous women giving their time to be interviewed continue to come in, offering a wonderful lineup to start this new year!

Last year offered opportunities to be featured in the Best Holistic Magazine and Magistra Magazine. It was an honor to be part of these beautiful publications empowering women at every turn. I couldn’t be happier to be acnowledged in such a wonderful way.

Life has countless challenges that are sprung on us at any given time. The past year crushed us with more than a fair share but it’s essential to look for the lessons or good in every moment of opposition encountered. I’m finding this is the best way to cultivate optimism. It has been hard to stay positive during this period of constant negativity but it’s not impossible. We got this!

“It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”– Germany Kent

Can you find your positive in a year of negatives?

Protected content. 2021 awalened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Founder and CEO of Hint Water, American Businesswoman featured in Forbes, Fortune and Inc Magazine, Author of WSJ and Amazon Bestseller “Undaunted,” – Kara Goldin Shares Motivation with AW

In October, Kara Goldin took part in a guest speaker series at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. The author of the book Undaunted has been making her rounds in the entrepreneurial world, inspiring women everywhere to go fearlessly after their dreams. The savvy businesswoman made the list of Forbes 40 Women to Watch Over 40 and Fortune’s Most Powerful Women Entrepreneurs. She is the Founder and CEO of Hint Water with a gift for storytelling. The mother of four is an example of how much power there is in showing up as yourself. Authenticity can help launch you to a position of leadership influencing others to believe in you, as much as, you believe in yourself. The lifelong learner has become a figure of empowerment. It would seem like the naysayers who underestimated her, only fueled her motivation to plow through challenges.

Kara’s resume reflects countless wins from working at Time Inc. for several years to a role as Vice President of Shopping and E-commerce Partnerships at AOL. She walked away from a booming career in the tech industry, which some may have thought of as risky, to start her own business in a completely different sector. Kara did not have experience or knew anything about the beverage industry but did have something to set her apart – a mission. In the early 2000s, tired of unhealthy, sugary drinks with too many sweeteners or preservatives, she took to building out the concept for a line that would offer a healthier option – unsweetened water. The goal was to solve a problem that many people were experiencing. Today, award-winning hint is on shelves all across the country in places like Walmart, Target and Sam’s Club, just to name a few.

I sat down for a Zoom interview that exceeded my expectations. Kara is down-to-earth, open to insightful conversations about business, politics, the environment, and family. She is compassionate about the issues affecting our society and remains hopeful that things will get better. I was enlightened and happy to experience the exchange with such a beautiful mind.

This venture gave you financial freedom but also helped unravel your purpose. Where did you find the courage and confidence to take a chance on yourself? People have called me fearless or brave but I’m not sure it is so much about being unafraid. Stopping in the middle of anything has never been an option for me. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned was in sports. During my early days in gymnastics, I learned to appreciate that there will always be other people better than me at something. This does not mean, I should stop trying for the things I want to do – I won’t. “You cannot allow fear to get in front of you – you must get in front of it.”

You began the business while your children were all under the age of 4 years old. Encounters with doubters during the journey did not discourage, you moved forward to create a multimillion-dollar business. Women often make sacrifices to create the life envisioned. What has been the biggest pivot you’ve had to make in your personal life to generate this level of success? I don’t have as much time with my girlfriends, as I may like but one adapts. We figure out ways to enjoy whatever time we get with the people we care about. I have always enjoyed working, there is a harmony between work and home. Somehow, work trickles into the personal and vice versa. It is good to have boundaries but as long as, everyone is in agreement with the needs that need to be fulfilled and work out an arrangement to balance it all, things fall into place. We make situations work for us in different ways.

It is my understanding the book project began with writing things down. I’ve been writing journals since the age of 14 years old. It helps me sort thoughts, feelings and clears my mind. You like to jot down ideas and experiences, eventually, your notes became part of “Undaunted” your new book. How has journaling helped you during challenging times? When I began receiving invitations to discuss entrepreneurship and being a female CEO raising children, it was important to share the different stories. There are countless tales throughout my journey as a business woman. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t repeat the same experiences over and over. Initially, the journaling started as a way of writing about everything I went through on the roads traveled. I wrote the stories down to help me coordinate my talks in the various cities. Didn’t want to recount the same story to an audience that may have already heard it! I also wrote prompts, thoughts about things people could ask during these talks. Who would have imagined 600 pages of notes would be collected? Friends convinced me to consider a book, it’s not something I thought about doing but I took some calls. Eventually, a meeting with Harper Collins presented the right opportunity. It felt this was something others could use during their own journey. Never imagined the book would be a Wall Street Journal Bestselling book! The purpose was always to help people. Share my experiences to encourage people to stop scaring themselves out of their dreams.

In an interview with Luminary, you said that you wrote “Undaunted” as a way to motivate its readers. Entrepreneurs or not, we can all use encouragement on any given day. You want us to be undaunted, unafraid of going out there to grab our dream without letting anyone destroy the vision. Overthinking often leads to self-doubt, however, the only way to set a plan in motion is to consider all the possibilities. How did you get to a place of unrelenting determination where the risk felt bigger than the idea of falling flat? We are on a journey to be the best we can be but things will happen when they are supposed to. The sliding doors philosophy talks about how certain decisions put you on a specific path. If a decision is altered, the outcome of your life would be completely different. What if I had not taken that train or gone on that trip, how would it have changed my life? I work from a place of doing the best possible and seeing where it takes me. I enjoy learning, challenging myself which includes trying new ideas that sometimes don’t work out.

As entrepreneurs, women – human beings, enthusiasm for projects or goals fluctuate when life gets in the way. We get motivation from different sources but it can lack from time to time. Where do you draw motivation from on the days that you are falling short of it? My motivation comes from talking to people – students to leaders, or customers. I enjoy mentoring students of life, the craft of educating myself and others. The more we share, the more we learn.

I like to end AW interviews with a positive message. Is there is a piece of advice, quote or mantra you can offer readers to encourage them while working on their own vision? As you said, “It takes a while to make things happen.” I would say, it is good to have goals. Don’t get caught up, work on steps towards what you want then the dream won’t look so far away. Become more educated, knowledgeable so you can become that much closer to everything you wish for.

The journey as a woman and entrepreneur has its fair share of challenges. The path is everlasting and tiresome, often with little or no support on the sidelines. My conversation with Kara refreshed the importance of perspective. The things we believe about ourselves and our dreams can propel us to do the impossible. We defy anxiety and hesitation, the moment we make an intentional choice to confront the difficulties and forge ahead with our goals.

AW appreciates having Kara share her experience and vision during our interview. I hope it spurs energy into your own ventures, as you create the life envisioned.

The book Undaunted can be found on Kara’s site, Amazon and other sites where books are sold. You can find more nuggets of wisdom by listening to The Kara Goldin Show. The podcast has been described as thought-provoking, insightful and uplifting, you can find it on Spotify.

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

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Empowerment Series: CEO, Forme Medical Center & Urgent Care, Entrepreneur, Public Speaker, and Author, “I Say, No More,” – Maria Trusa Shares her Trauma and Triumph with AW

During an age when a child’s only worry should be school, friends and enjoying their favorite pastime, Maria Trusa was dealing with an adult ordeal. At the age of 9, she was the victim of a violent sexual assault at the hands of an unconscionable and vicious man. The crime left scars that ran far deeper than eyes could see. An act that ravaged purity, burned a nightmare into her subconscious and took decades to heal. However, she was able to remove the cloak of victimhood, in exchange for a blanket of courage, spreading optimism to all those experiencing trauma.

Trauma is an emotional reaction to overwhelming distress such as a rape, combat, loss, or violent acts. Horrific events in life can trigger responses of shock, flashbacks, denial or manifest in other ways that influence the physical and mental state of victims. The effects of a traumatic event can last years or decades without proper treatment. It is vital to learn to manage feelings linked to any trauma and understand that you can recover. It’s estimated that over 400,000 Americans are victims of sexual violence each year, possibly more, as many are not reported.

The movement “I Say No More – Yo Digo No Mas” created by Maria Trusa is standing up against sexual abuse by helping raise the voices of victims. She has become an advocate, encouraging victims to break the silence in Latino communities. Embracing our truths is one of the strongest powers we possess. Speaking up, instead of living in shame or embarrassment is key to dissolving these curses. It’s time to see the faces of those that have been or are being subjected to the immeasurable pain caused by sexual abuse. The activism has sparked a level of defiance necessary to place the spotlight on a problem requiring real attention, inspiring others to interrupt a destructive cycle.

Maria gave me the opportunity to sit with her for a candid and heartfelt interview via Zoom. Prior to the meeting, I took time out to listen to her book, “I Say No More: Raise Your Voice and Rewrite Your Life,” also available in Spanish “Yo Digo No Mas.” It was necessary to familiarize myself with her story, in order to seriously consider the questions I’d be asking about a sensitive subject matter. Once we were both on screen to begin our chat, she expressed her fearless commitment to being honest with herself and others. The statement set the tone for a conversation that reinforced how owning and sharing our stories creates connection. AW is humbled to share the interview of a woman who transformed pain into power.

Firstly, a huge congratulations to Maria on being named one of Westchester’s Heroes, as well as, being acknowledged with the 2020 Woman of Distinction’ Award. The United Way of Westchester and Putnam hosted its annual ‘Take a Walk in Her Shoes‘ virtually in early December to honor her work.

She arrived the US from the Dominican Republic at the age of 15 and without even knowing the language, she pushed herself to a life of great success. Fast forward to present day, the CEO of Forme‘ Medical Center and Urgent Care has worked tirelessly to help the immigrant community receive proper health care, while continuing to educate herself and others on important social issues.

Your book is raw, full of genuine emotion. I commend you on such a sincere account of your story. It could not have been easy to write it but will help a lot of women. Who or what gave you the courage to put your truth out into the world? What was the most difficult and rewarding aspect of taking this important step? I am in a place in life where I know who I am. I am broken but we all are, I don’t judge others and I am radically honest. The inspiration to write the book was my son, Jeffrey, who I admire so much. He said to me one night, “You cannot leave this world without telling your story, you must share it.” Everything that led to the book, a documentary which is soon to be released, all comes back to my children. Everyone has made mistakes – not one but many. I’ve been a victim of abuse, fell in love with a married man, both which I discuss in detail in the book because I want people to understand the pain of such experiences. The good news is that we can come back from hurt. Once you choose to stop being a victim, it offers a gift. Every part of life, everything that happens to you is a connection that can lead to something better. When things happen, no matter what it is, I ask myself “What is the gift, I’m being given?”

There are parts of your story that will resonate with different women. You were 19 years old when you had your first child. The absence of emotional and physical support made life as a new mother, much more challenging. You discuss the impact of this and how lack of preparation hindered you from fulfilling early expectations of motherhood. A genuine account of your postpartum depression was eye-opening. What have you learned about being a mother that you would like your daughter to know, in advance of accepting the responsibility of bringing a child into the world someday? I share my life lessons with my daughter, with all my children. There is a mutual respect that exists with the 3 of them which is so beautiful. We have a nurturing and frank relationship. I discuss the importance of taking responsibility for yourself and doing the self-work before parenthood. I had 6 years of therapy, some of which focused on self-love. They must be willing to invest in self-improvement, in order to be the best version of themselves. I have an open relationship with each of the children, it has been essential to develop my listening skills, digest and sit quietly instead of lecturing to maintain a strong connection. These are all things, I’ve had to learn along the way and pass on to my kids to build strong relationships. Hopefully, they will incorporate the same into relationships with their own children, one day.

In your book, you discuss the sexual attack in detail. It is an incredibly uncomfortable subject-matter but you chose to share it with the world. It is painful, difficult, and sometimes humiliating for victims to recount their experience. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of you. I am sure that shedding light on this tough topic will help others. The experience left a trail of trauma that affected every aspect of your life. Instead of drowning in defeat, you chose to fight back by educating yourself, using all the tools available to promote healing. What is your message of hope for victims of trauma feeling ashamed, broken or beaten up? Anyone who may think they will never be able to live with what happened or get to a place they can be happy again, what can you say? No one is broken beyond repair, continue to work on yourself until the end. We are all broken, every day that you open your eyes choose to be less broken. Make daily deposits to your life that are positive, you get to pick how to add to your life. When you decide “I Say, No More” and take the lead to stop being broken, you take your power back. Change your thoughts, remember that what you think and speak, you create! You are not a victim, so revise the language you speak about yourself. Be kind and loving to the woman you are. There is so much living in our subconscious, as I realized when I read Joseph Murphy’s book “The Power of the Subconscious Mind.” Understanding that 95% of the decisions we make comes from the subconscious, it helped me change the behavior.

You were in a marriage of high expectations, very traditional with a partner looking for you to do all the cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children. Your job was to be a good wife but you wanted a career, too. “Maria” wanted her own identity. Many of us, as women, experience the loss of identity in a relationship. Why do you feel it’s important for us to maintain our individual identity? I was a single mother for 17 years, I know what it’s like to losing yourself in a relationship, motherhood. It’s crucial to have the difficult conversations with our partners, it is key because they open up opportunities for change. If you don’t hold on to your identity, your happiness will always depend on someone else.

You talk about forgiving others, as being essential for our well-being to avoid absorbing toxicity. You also note that forgiving yourself is just as or more important to heal ourselves. What have you forgiven yourself for? I forgave myself for two things, the first would be the rape. Initially, I felt that in some way, I deserved it. I needed to learn that it was not my fault. I did not do anything to warrant what happened to me. The second has to be “Almost killing my son, as a baby, when I threw him on a bed in a moment of desperation.” My son has forgiven me and I too, found forgiveness for myself. I have no secrets, the more honest you are in life, the more you own your truth – the less weight you have to carry around. This road has been long but healing is possible.

You’ve said that “You found the beauty in the gray days” which isn’t easy to do. I like to leave readers with a positive quote or mantra that inspires good energy or hope. Can you share some words with AW readers currently experiencing a challenging time? In life, “When you concentrate on what you have, you will get more of what you have” and vice versa. Place the focus on what you can control or change, not the things that you have no say in. Your thoughts create your reality.

From time to time, I like to ask guests to take part in a fun exercise to give readers a bit of insight into the person you are. I will say a few words, you can say the first word that comes to mind!

Love – Life

Forgiveness – Enlightment

Positivity – Clarity

Vermont – Peace

Truth – Life

Success – Inner peace

Woman – Powerful

Maria Trusa came from poverty with little to no opportunities at her disposal. She endured an unspeakable crime that left a trail of profound scars. Her adult life was not short of struggles but she rose from the adversity to carve a path to greatness. She is responsible for building a tribe that has supported her dreams and at the same time given her a strong foundation of love and family. Having what she needs and wants in life has not spoiled her. She stands proud, amazingly modest and a beautiful human being who gives back to others as often, as possible.

Life will inundate us with challenging moments that are out of our control. The perspective and actions that follow help decide what happens next. You are not defined by the bad things that happen to you. Ultimately, the decisions that alter the course of life most, are the ones you consciously make, as you become the person you’re meant to be.

I am so thankful to Maria for sharing her powerful story with AW. During my hour with her, I laughed, teared up, carefully listened to her insightful words but most of all connected with her truth. Our stories are powerful and when shared with other women, they can be a source of comfort and inspiration. Hopefully, this interview will help at least one reader today feel less alone in their personal journey.

Maria can be found on Instagram, Facebook, and you can also listen to her Spotify Podcast. The book is out now in English/Spanish at Amazon and at mariatrusa.org.

*This interview will be translated into Spanish and posted in the Latina Tea section of AW at a later date.

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

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The Story of Miscarriage – It Happens to Countless Women, so Why Don’t We Talk about It?

Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few. – Meghan Markle

Loss of any kind has an impact but losing a child you never met is filled with despair, sadness, and an inexplicable void that is difficult to explain. Whether it is a natural miscarriage or more traumatic, the thought that your body failed you during the miracle of holding life is sufficient to challenge a woman’s emotional, mental and physical well being. Despite being told, it’s not your fault or there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome, you may still feel shame or guilt from an unpredictable loss.

Miscarriages happen to more women than we think, or know. However, it seems the subject has taken a strange form of taboo, similar to those that come with the bad things that happen to women in society. Quiet suffering has become the norm under many of circumstance. Personally, I chose to remain silent, whether, out of embarrassment or fear? I’m not really sure. However, the decision to keep the loss a secret brought temporary struggles. A woman’s hush mourning takes place in a shower, at night when no one is watching, all to avoid the dreadful, “I’m sorry this happened to you.” The sentiment is appreciated but how can anyone understand the pain unless they have experienced it themselves?

It is estimated that close to 20% of miscarriages occur prior to Week 20 of a confirmed pregnancy. Spontaneous abortions are tough to track, therefore, only estimates can be provided for the number of women experiencing the loss. The count is likely to be higher since many women miscarry before they know they are with child. Explanations for the undoing vary from it being a body’s natural way of rejecting the abnormalities in a fetus to hormonal or physical disorders.

Chrissy Teigen has shared her heartbreaking story of the loss of her third child. More recently, Meghan Markle openly discussed her experience with miscarriage in a NY Times Opinion piece. The difficult task of allowing the world into such a private moment is very painful, so why do it? Is it possible that sharing a story to help another woman feel less alone in her journey, makes it worthwhile? Miscarriage is a real life loss for women. How you deal with your pain and suffering is up to you, as is the choice of who to share your hurt with.

I believe our mission as women is to support and empower one another. We are bound by a lot of our experiences and it is important to create a safe space free of judgment, instead promote compassion to help alleviate pain. There is incredible power in sharing our story to encourage another woman’s healing.

It is important to understand that miscarriage is common, not a sign of failure, doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy pregnancy and is absolutely not something that can be forgotten, as if nothing happened. The experience is unique to each expectant mother, so is the way in which she manages her recovery. What do you do when you are on the outside looking into this woman’s affliction? Show kindness, remind her to give herself permission to talk about it. If time doesn’t heal, some consolation may be found in the release of emotions that can derive from a purge.

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Latina-Comedian featured in HBO Special, a Keynote and TedX Speaker, STEM, Former Rocket Scientist with NASA – Shayla Rivera Shares Her ABC’s with AW

My first sighting of the energetic Puerto Rican powerhouse came during a week when inspiration had fallen short. In an interview with Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush on the NBC Today Show, Shayla Rivera shared some of the journey to a drastic career switch. The bold move to leave her job as Rocket Scientist at NASA and pursue a path as comedian may sound crazy to some but I loved it so much that I tracked her down to find out more about her!

We often default to a setting or type, unknowingly, getting comfortable with a sort of pigeonholing. Once we are in a specific role at home, work or relationship it can be difficult to break out of it. Limitations set by others or ourselves can force us into a box but truth is that we have a choice. You can be whatever you want, as long as you believe that anything is possible. If you are willing to do the work and take some risks, amazing things can happen!

Shayla had plenty of labels, in addition to Aerospace Engineer. She has been in the role of salesperson, corporate trainer, motivational speaker, actor, writer, television/radio host, and Professor of Practice at The College of Engineering at Texas A&M University, just to name a few. The dynamic Latina is many things but she is also a mother and renaissance woman. The decision to dedicate energy to other areas of interest gave her the opportunity to step outside a comfort zone into greatness. It is not only an inspiring story but fueled new life into my own world of unlimited possibilities.

I am guilty of reading the same manuscript, as many of you. Playing a character that forces me into following rules set by others, maintaining a pattern of life that resembles the mainstream. At times, it’s made me incredulous to the idea that I can do anything. Shayla’s story reinforces the importance of living a life of continued awareness to encourage personal happiness. During our conversation, my goal was to discuss the transition, lessons, meaning of comedy, and enlightenment in her life. I’m hopeful that reading this interview will empower you to be daring because it’s never too late to reinvent yourself.

You studied Aerospace Engineering and became a Rocket Scientist for NASA, quite the accomplishment! The decision to shift careers and move into a completely different space as a Comedian and Motivational Speaker is amazing. I believe many of us fear change, specifically major life changes. What was your “A-Ha!” moment? What did life look like when you made this move and what did you learn about yourself during the transition? I was born in Puerto Rico, always had a love for human behavior and fixing things. I was attracted to finding out “what made people tick.” My parents made sure that I knew college was not an option, it was a must. I attended Texas A&M then worked for NASA for 5 years but the passion for psychology never left me. I enjoyed building relationships, consistently wanting to learn about people. After leaving NASA, I worked in the technical sales of water treatment chemicals and environmental systems. My favorite part of the job was connecting with others and wanted to do more of it. It became increasingly clear there was more to explore which me led to work as a corporate trainer. I helped executives change their lives by learning to manage their stress. Life took off, my sense of humor bloomed during my motivational speeches. I found the thing that stood out for me – bringing laughs, making others feel good. At the suggestions of others, I joined a weekend at a stand-up comedy seminar which turned out to be the pivot. Humor became part of my journey from that moment on. I can’t stress enough the importance of paying attention to what motivates or inspires you. Don’t be afraid to find that thing that drives you.

The idea of not resisting chaos instead dancing and living in it, is something you discuss repeatedly. You say that we should thrive and look to change our outlook on life’s chaos. You have quoted Dr. Quantum, Fred Alan Wolf, “We live dancing on the edge of chaos.” In the current reality we are living, normalcy has gone out the window. How can we pivot in our own lives to flourish during this time of confusion and uncertainty? “Dancing on the edge of chaos” we are always living in chaos. Divorce, death, unemployment, heartbreak or any loss – chaos is constantly there but think of the infinite possibilities behind circumstance. “Don’t let life happen to you – let it happen for you! The words you say to yourself make the difference. If you are not aware of your limiting beliefs, practice mindfulness. Use the awareness to fight for yourself by rewiring your brain. Be who you are and check those negative emotions at the door. Humanity, compassion, empathy and generosity – let them back into your life. It all starts with you.

During difficult times in my life, I have found that humor is healing, as is music. How did comedy change your life? What practices have you found to be key when overcoming personal hardship? By nature, Latinas are gregarious, relaxed, we enjoy joking around and form connections around it. Laughter prevails – it heals, provides relief and is in our DNA. It isn’t hard to find humor when the pain or stress kicks in, it’s a choice that has to be made. Taking deep breaths brings me back each time, I want to “bring God in the room.” It tells me it’s okay, I’m okay, I am going to laugh then lighten up. Enlightenment is received, as laughter sounds the same in every language. We are dancing on the edge of chaos but when we laugh, we communicate and feel better. I’ve felt this way, as long as I can remember.

I went through a divorce, it forced me to figure out who I was and ask myself what I wanted. It has been an ongoing process, I never stop learning and growing. Awakened-Woman was born from this transformation. Life unfolds with more ease after you learn “ABC: Awareness Begins Change.” Can you share a little about the moments that led up to this enlightenment? You can’t change something that you don’t know you are doing! We walk around with baggage completely unaware of the effects it has on our existence. Having self-awareness is key to understanding what makes you tick, the most important work you may ever do. Pay attention to your pain and take deep breaths. Ask yourself the questions and be honest, as to why are you feeling this way? Surrender, accept and allow it to flow through you.

You best describe yourself as a renaissance woman, labeling yourself as spiritually (irreverent), an impolite mystic, and awareness expert. Can you elaborate on what this means to you? I will continue to reinvent myself as many times, as needed. There is no one thing I have to be, I’m open to definition. Have the confidence to be yourself. Fuel your inner power, spirit and goodness to transform into who you are meant to be. Perception, from how you see yourself to situations that arise are essential to your evolution, so manage your perspective. I embrace the process and encourage you to do the same.

I like to end interviews with a positive quote or mantra that has helped during a difficult time. Can you share with readers some of your own inspiration? “Awareness begins change” Remember – you are the one in charge. You have all the power, execute it by getting a handle on your perspective. Awareness is the gift left behind by chaos.

Shayla has the right idea, she is using the power of her life story, inspiration and awareness to create the life she is destined for. Her sheer determination to live life outside the box and refuse the labels placed on her by society is true incentive.

Looking back at the life I have lived so far, can’t help to think where I’d be if I had taken some chances. Countless thoughts about what people may say or fear of falling flat on my face talked me out of trying something different. Living outside of fear and daring myself has been scary, as it challenges me to level up but it’s the only place I want to be these days.

The journey to becoming the best self cannot evolve without including self-awareness. We can only change what we know is not working. The things that demand our attention are not always within sight, therefore, digging deep to the core is the way to find our truths. Do not ignore life’s questions, trust the process and put in the work to ensure the foundation for a happier you is established.

AW would like to extend sincere gratitude to Shayla Rivera for sharing her ABCs and wisdom with our readers.

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Television Documentary Producer, Emmy Award Winning News and Documentary Writer, Benita Alexander Shares her Lovecon with AW (As Seen on the Dr. Oz Show, ABC’s 20/20)

The power of love cannot be denied, the mighty connection can make us feel, as if we had wings to fly. Losing love abruptly or forcefully has the potential to cause significant mental and physical harm. Its strength can move mountains or leave destruction in the aftermath of a lover’s deception, destroying the emotional health of its victims. However, despair can be alleviated by taking your power back.

Benita Alexander is a strong, independent, intelligent, warm, and loving woman who thought she found her love connection with a man that swept her off her feet, much like prince charming! In 2013, the successful documentary producer met world-renowned, Dr. Paolo Macchiarini while working on a project for a major network. He was listed as one of top 20 most innovative doctors in his field, a brilliant thoracic surgeon. The man was personable, romantic, intelligent, witty, and seemed to be a respected member of the medical community with no evidence to show otherwise. He charmed his way into Benita’s life by taking her to exotic places, wildly expensive restaurants, shopping sprees, and giving her undivided attention. The perfect fantasy was created, leading her to fall head over heels in love. The trail of roses leading to a lavish proposal was icing on the cake. She had the perfect guy asking to spend the rest of her life with him. Lucky girl? Not quite.

The bigger than life fairytale lasted almost 2 years. Believing it was a match made in heaven, she allowed herself to give into love. He was almost too good to be true – could it be that he was? Sadly, the man depicted, the one her friends and family came to know had a dark secret. Everyone was about to find out the charming surgeon lied about everything, uncovering a mastermind plan of deceit. In the most devious way, Benita discovered she was loveconned. The truth felt like a sucker punch to the stomach but she fought back. She set aside her pain in exchange for the journalist hat, it was the only way to save herself from complete destruction. The decision to share her story with the world helped stop him from doing the same to other women and empowered her to get freed.

The end to Benita’s romance unraveled six weeks before the wedding of the century. The supposed blissful event he had been planning was completely untrue. There was no venue, caterer, or castle for guests to stay in Italy. The designer custom invitations and dresses she paid for out of pocket and was never reimbursed. Her dream slowly toppled, instead becoming a true-crime drama series. The surgeon left her in debt, anguish and heartbreak with only false claims that included lies about his separation, living arrangements and family. The devastation was immeasurable but the fierce, courageous wonder of a woman she is, helped bring her back from the ruin.

My interview with Benita Alexander was an eye-opening conversation. Her story has been shared on shows like Dr. Oz to inform women about the pitfalls of this scheme. It wasn’t until our call that I understood how possible it is for anyone to fall for a con. Having gone through my own small-scale version of a lovecon years go, I felt it was essential to pass on information that could improve our radar and protect you from similar predators.

Firstly, what is a Lovecon? A lovecon is different than cheating or having an affair. When this kind of predator enters a relationship with someone, from day 1, there are nefarious or evil intentions. It is a relationship where one partner is roped into complete deception. The con is to make you think they are someone else other than the real thing by using manipulation and calculated schemes. Each con artist comes with their own motivation and not always has expectations of material gain.

You fell head-over-heels in love, got engaged, quit a high profile, successful career. You introduced him to your daughter and maintained a courtship for 2 years. When did you realize he was lying? Did your woman’s intuition nudge you at anytime hinting something was wrong? Initially, no. He did not give me any reason to suspect foul play. However, 6 months prior to the scheduled wedding date, I sensed a “nagging feeling in my gut.” By that time, invitations had gone out, guests were preparing to travel, all the details for the big day were in place. I did not want to believe there was anything wrong with my perfect guy. I was in love and we were about to get married!

I am not a person of regrets, believing everything happens for a reason but if you could go back, would you do anything, differently? I don’t live in regret either, think in some warped way this could not have happened to a better person. Once out of the love haze, I was able to go into journalist mode and bring this story out into the open. It was difficult to accept this super-surgeon, the man I loved could hurt me, so terribly. I imagined if something like this happened, it was for me to do something about it. I knew that if he was lying about his personal life, there had to be deception in the professional area, too and I was going to blow the lid off it.

For the women reading this interview, can you provide some signs to look out for, to avoid a possible lovecon? I was an investigative journalist, a mom, a woman in love but also vulnerable. Who doesn’t want their own love of a lifetime – the fairy tale? When it happened, I gave up a job at a major network, pulled my daughter out of school because the plan was to relocate to Barcelona after our wedding. I was getting my Disney ending, we grow up believing that is the fantasy we need. These men are predators, who carefully study their prey. They know who they can target and have a vulnerability radar.

3 Signs (red flags) to Look Out for:

If he seems too good to be true, he probably is. Pay attention to what he says and does in the relationship. Take off the rose-colored glasses and keep your eyes wide open.He moves at warp speed! Saying “I love you” after 3 weeks or wanting to marry you after a month, may be something to be cautious about. He wants all of you without revealing anything about himself. These individuals tend to be very guarded. They don’t want you to insert yourself in their work or personal lives. The inability for you to visit or always get an excuse that avoids his apartment, office or place of work can signal trouble. It is unlikely that you will meet his family or friends. Do not underestimate the importance of knowing where he lives and meeting the people in his life.

In an interview you stated that you felt humiliated, heartbroken and embarrassed when having to deal with internet trolls that blamed you for his deceit. Love can be blind, there are people who are exceptionally good at lying. After all that pain, what finally made you go public with your ordeal? Although, not prepared for the backlash and internet bullying received from others calling me stupid, naive gold-digger, I knew the con had to be exposed. This experience made me stronger and things happen for a reason. We have to find the will and courage to speak up, especially when people want to silence you.

I have learned that the things that happen are meant to teach us something. What did you learn from this terrible experience? I am stronger than I realized, have always been determined but now I can set an example for others. This ordeal gave me a mission to empower women. We need to help each other rise, encourage and inspire others on this journey. The only way to become collectively strong is by supporting one another.

I like to finish interviews with a positive quote or mantra that inspires or empowers women. Do you have some words to share about getting through difficult moments after living the ordeal? I always liked comparing myself to Wonder Woman, like a mini-WW. In my lowest moments, I look at my poster of this powerful figure to remind myself of the strength I hold within. I am powerful, strong and fierce, though not easy to be brave, incredibly worth it.

Most of us have heard stories about romance scams. Networks such as ABC, Oxygen, Lifetime, Discovery have created shows and movies around the lovecon headlines. In 2019, the FBI reported 20,000 complaints mounting close to $500M. The negative stigma pertaining to victims’ gullibility, makes them feel ashamed or embarrassed. This discourages reporting the crime, therefore, numbers could be higher.

The kindest act we can perform for another women is to share stories that assist empowerment and protect against any trickery. In addition, it’s good to practice empathy when any of us are victimized. Support each other during difficult times to promote healing and compassion.

Love can make us believe and do the craziest things. If you’ve been in love, you know that the power of it can drag you for miles on its romantic highway. Ultimately, we all want the same thing – love. Not having it can sometimes make people susceptible to falling for scams. As with any relationship, it’s key to remember that love for another should never overshadow the love for ourselves. The best you can do on an ongoing basis is nurture self-love and shield yourself by practicing awareness.

AW is incredibly grateful to Benita for being bold enough to speak out. Hopefully, encouraging openness will inspire others to do the same.

If you’d like to find out more about lovecons, head to Benita’s Instagram @loveconned

Protected content. 2020 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Television Documentary Producer, Emmy Award Winning News and Documentary Writer, Benita Alexander Shares her Lovecon with AW (As Seen on the Dr. Oz Show)

The power of love cannot be denied, the mighty connection can make us feel, as if we had wings to fly. Losing love abruptly or forcefully has the potential to cause significant mental and physical harm. Its strength can move mountains or leave destruction in the aftermath of a lover’s deception, destroying the emotional health of its victims. However, despair can be alleviated by taking your power back.

Benita Alexander is a strong, independent, intelligent, warm, and loving woman who thought she found her love connection with a man that swept her off her feet, much like prince charming! In 2013, the successful documentary producer met world-renowned, Dr. Paolo Macchiarini while working on a project for a major network. He was listed as one of top 20 most innovative doctors in his field, a brilliant thoracic surgeon. The man was personable, romantic, intelligent, witty, and seemed to be a respected member of the medical community with no evidence to show otherwise. He charmed his way into Benita’s life by taking her to exotic places, wildly expensive restaurants, shopping sprees, and giving her undivided attention. The perfect fantasy was created, leading her to fall head over heels in love. The trail of roses leading to a lavish proposal was icing on the cake. She had the perfect guy asking to spend the rest of her life with him. Lucky girl? Not quite.

The bigger than life fairytale lasted almost 2 years. Believing it was a match made in heaven, she allowed herself to give into love. He was almost too good to be true – could it be that he was? Sadly, the man depicted, the one her friends and family came to know had a dark secret. Everyone was about to find out the charming surgeon lied about everything, uncovering a mastermind plan of deceit. In the most devious way, Benita discovered she was loveconned. The truth felt like a sucker punch to the stomach but she fought back. She set aside her pain in exchange for the journalist hat, it was the only way to save herself from complete destruction. The decision to share her story with the world helped stop him from doing the same to other women and empowered her to get freed.

The end to Benita’s romance unraveled six weeks before the wedding of the century. The supposed blissful event he had been planning was completely untrue. There was no venue, caterer, or castle for guests to stay in Italy. The designer custom invitations and dresses she paid for out of pocket and was never reimbursed. Her dream slowly toppled, instead becoming a true-crime drama series. The surgeon left her in debt, anguish and heartbreak with only false claims that included lies about his separation, living arrangements and family. The devastation was immeasurable but the fierce, courageous wonder of a woman she is, helped bring her back from the ruin.

My interview with Benita Alexander was an eye-opening conversation. Her story has been shared on shows like Dr. Oz to inform women about the pitfalls of this scheme. It wasn’t until our call that I understood how possible it is for anyone to fall for a con. Having gone through my own small-scale version of a lovecon years go, I felt it was essential to pass on information that could improve our radar and protect you from similar predators.

Firstly, what is a Lovecon? A lovecon is different than cheating or having an affair. When this kind of predator enters a relationship with someone, from day 1, there are nefarious or evil intentions. It is a relationship where one partner is roped into complete deception. The con is to make you think they are someone else other than the real thing by using manipulation and calculated schemes. Each con artist comes with their own motivation and not always has expectations of material gain.

You fell head-over-heels in love, got engaged, quit a high profile, successful career. You introduced him to your daughter and maintained a courtship for 2 years. When did you realize he was lying? Did your woman’s intuition nudge you at anytime hinting something was wrong? Initially, no. He did not give me any reason to suspect foul play. However, 6 months prior to the scheduled wedding date, I sensed a “nagging feeling in my gut.” By that time, invitations had gone out, guests were preparing to travel, all the details for the big day were in place. I did not want to believe there was anything wrong with my perfect guy. I was in love and we were about to get married!

I am not a person of regrets, believing everything happens for a reason but if you could go back, would you do anything, differently? I don’t live in regret either, think in some warped way this could not have happened to a better person. Once out of the love haze, I was able to go into journalist mode and bring this story out into the open. It was difficult to accept this super-surgeon, the man I loved could hurt me, so terribly. I imagined if something like this happened, it was for me to do something about it. I knew that if he was lying about his personal life, there had to be deception in the professional area, too and I was going to blow the lid off it.

For the women reading this interview, can you provide some signs to look out for, to avoid a possible lovecon? I was an investigative journalist, a mom, a woman in love but also vulnerable. Who doesn’t want their own love of a lifetime – the fairy tale? When it happened, I gave up a job at a major network, pulled my daughter out of school because the plan was to relocate to Barcelona after our wedding. I was getting my Disney ending, we grow up believing that is the fantasy we need. These men are predators, who carefully study their prey. They know who they can target and have a vulnerability radar.

3 Signs (red flags) to Look Out for:

If he seems too good to be true, he probably is. Pay attention to what he says and does in the relationship. Take off the rose-colored glasses and keep your eyes wide open.He moves at warp speed! Saying “I love you” after 3 weeks or wanting to marry you after a month, may be something to be cautious about. He wants all of you without revealing anything about himself. These individuals tend to be very guarded. They don’t want you to insert yourself in their work or personal lives. The inability for you to visit or always get an excuse that avoids his apartment, office or place of work can signal trouble. It is unlikely that you will meet his family or friends. Do not underestimate the importance of knowing where he lives and meeting the people in his life.

In an interview you stated that you felt humiliated, heartbroken and embarrassed when having to deal with internet trolls that blamed you for his deceit. Love can be blind, there are people who are exceptionally good at lying. After all that pain, what finally made you go public with your ordeal? Although, not prepared for the backlash and internet bullying received from others calling me stupid, naive gold-digger, I knew the con had to be exposed. This experience made me stronger and things happen for a reason. We have to find the will and courage to speak up, especially when people want to silence you.

I have learned that the things that happen are meant to teach us something. What did you learn from this terrible experience? I am stronger than I realized, have always been determined but now I can set an example for others. This ordeal gave me a mission to empower women. We need to help each other rise, encourage and inspire others on this journey. The only way to become collectively strong is by supporting one another.

I like to finish interviews with a positive quote or mantra that inspires or empowers women. Do you have some words to share about getting through difficult moments after living the ordeal? I always liked comparing myself to Wonder Woman, like a mini-WW. In my lowest moments, I look at my poster of this powerful figure to remind myself of the strength I hold within. I am powerful, strong and fierce, though not easy to be brave, incredibly worth it.

Most of us have heard stories about romance scams. Networks such as ABC, Oxygen, Lifetime, Discovery have created shows and movies around the lovecon headlines. In 2019, the FBI reported 20,000 complaints mounting close to $500M. The negative stigma pertaining to victims’ gullibility, makes them feel ashamed or embarrassed. This discourages reporting the crime, therefore, numbers could be higher.

The kindest act we can perform for another women is to share stories that assist empowerment and protect against any trickery. In addition, it’s good to practice empathy when any of us are victimized. Support each other during difficult times to promote healing and compassion.

Love can make us believe and do the craziest things. If you’ve been in love, you know that the power of it can drag you for miles on its romantic highway. Ultimately, we all want the same thing – love. Not having it can sometimes make people susceptible to falling for scams. As with any relationship, it’s key to remember that love for another should never overshadow the love for ourselves. The best you can do on an ongoing basis is nurture self-love and shield yourself by practicing awareness.

AW is incredibly grateful to Benita for being bold enough to speak out. Hopefully, encouraging openness will inspire others to do the same.

If you’d like to find out more about lovecons, head to Benita’s Instagram @loveconned

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