Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 32

Let Pain Transform You

Once you arrive at a page in your book where you embrace difficult times that transpired in life, you begin to gain clarity. It’s essential to accept the pain and let it transform you. If you set it free instead of holding it hostage you can begin healing; guiding you out of negativity.

–Excerpt from ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”

Men, women, and children experience pain throughout their lifetime. Many would agree, emotional pain can be as grueling as the physical. It can easily wrap you in its blanket of sadness and despair long enough to find it difficult to remove. People can carry it as a shield or weapon to protect themselves but in the end, it’s wasted effort. Either way, if the armor does not come off, you’ll never have the life you deserve. Denying yourself of a healthy, happy existence.

Everybody hurts. Some people seem to handle it better than others. I often ask myself why is it some thrive and others fall in a vortex of despair to never return. I’ve seen cases where people haul grudges for years due to unresolved feelings. Personal experience has proved valuable in understanding part of the reason for my pain. The lessons have helped learn to manage pain, using it constructively instead of letting it defeat me.

Men and women handle pain in different ways. While some internalize it, others lash out in their attempt to process the intensity. No matter the circumstances, using another person as a crutch, punching bag for any type of release will not have the best outcome. Teaching yourself acceptance is key in dealing with any type of suffering.

Divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, loss of any kind leaves a trail of devastation.  The anguish felt by any number of these events is enough to hold you back from enjoying the simplest things in life. No one is exempt from the emotion, therefore, the best action we can take is to allow the feeling inside. Giving pain permission to enter will help process it over time. How much time depends on the person and level of havoc experienced. Outlets are needed to get the system running. Exercise, hobby, talking or whatever you choose to do with the bad energy. Evolve, grow from this as you find answers.

Fighting instead of embracing will push you down a rabbit hole slowly taking the joy out of you. It can sink you into such negativity that you won’t be able to see true beauty. The meaning of life is in living each day to the fullest but you won’t be able to do so if you let pain win.

You have more power than you think, use your pain as fuel to spark you into taking action. It is possible to find the strength and courage to push forward after a painful time but you must have an immeasurable desire to stop it. It is on you.

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

 

How Important is it to Practice Gratitude?

“I can enjoy the current state of my life because of the moments I’ve had to endure. I try to live with gratitude. We tend to get so

preoccupied with planning our future that we forget to stay present

in this instant. Once you arrive at a page in your book where you

embrace the difficult times that have transpired in life, you gain clarity.”

”Excerpt from A Journey to Becoming Your Best Self”

Do you ever forget to be grateful? Really embrace the feeling of thankfulness? Have you taken the blessings in your life for granted? The love, health and fortune of having your needs (not to be confused with wants) met. You are not alone. We’re guilty of taking them for granted at least once in our lives. The pace of everyday life is intense. This oversight happens more often than we would like it to, unfortunately.

I have found that staying grateful promotes positivity. Having the bare necessities to live a decent life is a blessing. If we can learn to acknowledge the good, it can make it a little easier to manage the bad stuff.

There are days when you might experience the sensation of a heavy load on your shoulders. A longing to have something that is not within your reach at the current time. A desire to live a different life. It’s enough to bring you down on your worst day.

During those challenging times, do not falter. Take a deep breath to collect your thoughts. Ask yourself, do you have the things you need to have a good life? Your health, shelter, a means to keep your head above water? It’s important to practice gratitude to remind yourself of the greatness that exists. There is opportunity for more as long as you make it to the next day.

You can overcome difficulties quicker when you focus on the truly valuable. Each day find one thing to be grateful for that does not cost you anything. In time, you may realize that the greatest gifts are already in your life. The rest is obtainable with dedication, persistence and good execution. There are no guarantees but more importantly, no limits to what you can accomplish.

Stay grateful today for it is a chance to start over and create the life you envision.

”Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com”

The Wait is Over!

When we’re in school, report cards are provided perodically. A grade is assigned to indicate progress. Restaurants, famed chefs, hotels and others wait impatiently while reviews and stars are handed out.

Authors go through a similar process with exceptions. Writing is subjective and there is no guarantee any two reviewers will agree on anything. As you are probably aware, a group of people can read a book then give you mixed feedback. Readers might base a decision on consensus among other reasons, as to whether or not to buy a book.

The first professional review can be the one causing most anxiety for writers. You let your baby project out into the world to be judged by masses. Wait time is brutal for new authors.

“A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”‘ received its first professional book review. There will be others down the road but this is the beginning run. My hope is that when you read it, your experience will be an enjoyable one.

AW thanks Sublime Book Review for taking the time to read about its journey.

Excerpt from Sublime Book Review

Overall Rating = 4.75

Storyline & Concept = 5

Writing and Delivery = 4.5

Cover Marketability = 4.5

Editorial = 5

A Journey to Becoming the Best-Self is part memoir and part practical how-to guide about navigating divorce. The writing is warm and confidential, like a conversation with a friend.

The book describes how she fought back from despair and financial hardship to achieve happiness and personal growth.

”This is a book not just for women faced with divorce, but for anyone searching for meaning in their lives.”

You can read tbs the full review here.

”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self” is now on presale at Barnes and Noble, Amazon and Black Rose Writing.

Please Comment, Share or Follow AW for latest news!

Protected content. 2019 awakened-wiman.com

Love is Love

June gives way to Pride Month commemorating the Stonewall riots of 1969. I felt it would be a good time to write some words in celebration of all love.

Human beings are made for connection. It’s essential to our well-being to have a healthy exchange of nurturing. We thrive most when surrounded by love in our lives. Consider personal experience, isn’t it true that you feel empowered to do more when you have a loving circle of support? Right. The lack of this emotion in anyone’s life creates a deficiency truly impactful in every aspect of a man, woman or child’s existence.

The beauty of society is our differences. Learning to appreciate the individual fabric each of us brings to the world’s table is special. Living in a world of acceptance that embraces diversity should be the goal for all people not a select few.

Therefore, whether your love is heterosexual or not, it is still love. Everyone needs love to help them grow and withstand the difficult moments life can bring.

During the month of June, let’s try to be reminded, love all around us. An array of relationships that although, might not be what you have grown up to see as conventional is certainly no less powerful than any other love.

Prorected content. 2019 awakened-wiman.com

3 Lethal Poisons That Will Kill a Relationship

Many of you reading have experienced the world of dating, possibly marriage. Men and woman can make mistakes that lead to the culmination of relationships. It’s life’s harsh reality, reminding us that relationships aren’t easy. Unless you are of a select few getting prized on the first try. Beginner’s luck is the unicorn of dating. Meeting your one great love right out of the gate is not the norm. For most of us, trial and error are closer to the results of a major dating experiment. Relationships end every day with and without explanation. You don’t always understand the why behind it but there are behaviors that squeeze the joy out of old and new love.

Young relationships are a learning tool. You train on the do’s and don’ts, as well as, boundaries or lack of them. It’s challenging because we’re getting to know ourselves at the same time. Imagine juggling the task of finding one’s identity while getting to know a partner and how to carry the relationship, successfully. It is a tall order that is tough to fill sometimes.

Experience is a ruthless wake-up call. I can tell you after two divorces that there is extreme value in knowing who you are, understanding your worth and standing up for what you believe. These are things no one can take from you. Once you have them in check, you are better prepared to fight toxicity that could arise in any relationship.

I have seen a variety of lethal behaviors in past love affairs. These ”relationship killers” as I like to call them can put you and your Boo out of business not long after the rotting begins. Maybe, sharing them will alert you to trouble ahead. If might help avoid the issues if we are aware or see the signs in advance.

1. Suffocation: Suffocating a partner is a dangerous game. Although the initial stage of love leaves us spellbound, it doesn’t mean it should be the intoxication of drunk love. Both partners need to spend time with other people outside of one another. Spending time with friends, family or colleagues is completely normal. Don’t feel that you have to blend into one person. Each of you is entitled to your own time. Strangling your partner with attention may overwhelm and add unnecessary pressure to either or both parties.

2. Betrayal: Disloyalty of any kind is deadly when quiet resentment decays the relationship from its inner core spilling out. In some cases, forgiveness is possible if there is true acceptance of events. Otherwise, it becomes a venom that produces emotional pain for the person at the end of the treason. The hurtful circumstances are difficult to overcome but not impossible depending on the people and situation.

3. Lack of or Non-existent Communication:  Solid communication is something couples should constantly work to achieve. It is necessary to have difficult discussions about unhappiness caused by any dissatisfaction derived from neglect or avoidance. You can’t fix something when you don’t know it’s broken. Often times, relationship problems balloon because no one is talking.

Relationships young and old take an enormous amount of effort, time and understanding. Compromises will be made along the way to soften the blows to either of you. It is improbable for both partners to get exactly what they want, however, if needs are met regularly then the rest can be worked out with a decent exchange of information helpful to assess emotional or physical needs in the union.

The key to stopping any of these issues from poisoning the relationship is to acknowledge, respect, love and be considerate of each other’s feelings. Forming true connection includes having empathy for the person you care about that includes listening, as well as expressing your own thoughts.

Don’t be discouraged too quickly. If the relationship is worth saving, both of you should be willing to collaborate on the work to be done. Your love can be saved by injecting the proper antidote of love and attention on both sides.

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Top 5 Blogs for AW Readers

Readers have been immensely supportive. Thank you for being such a great part of the high engagement at AW. This means you continue to enjoy the content, I’m writing for the blog.

AW went live May 27, 2018. Since then the number of hits are closing in on 100K. But there is is still plenty of work to do before reaching this number.

The reason I began Awakened-Woman was to connect with the every day, average woman we see each day during our commute. She lives paycheck/.-to-paycheck, cooks 3 meals daily and picks up the children at school to help with homework despite exhaustion. She is also the woman going on date after date hopelessly looking to feel loved not knowing she has to find love within before ever having a healthy relationship. They are the heartbroken, insecure at times and don’t always ask for what they deserve, often questioning their worth. It is me, you and other women in our lives.

I hope you are inspired to do something different in your life. Encouraged to fight for your dreams. Most of all, empowered to seek your best life.

Check out the top 5 most popular articles with over 2000 views each in a single day after being published on AW.

How Do You Know if Your Partner is Cheating

Can You Have the Best of Both Worlds in This Relationship

When a Woman Leaves Emotionally, Is It Just a Matter of Time?

5 Questions Most Women Want Answered

Don’t Let the Door Hit You

Thank you for reading, commenting and likes for AW.

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Crashing Into Love

“Time together creates a nest of sorts, bonding a couple into a tightly knit fabric. The intimacy created will mesh two worlds in ways that far exceed explanation. Whether performed out of love or habit, the act of lovemaking is a collection of beautiful, forceful and intense movements that deliver the most complicated of dances. Two people coming together in such an intimate act is powerful imagery. Intertwine emotions into the intricate choreography, it can form a masterpiece in its own right.”

– Excerpt from “A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”

The waltz of love is a challenging exercise. Mastery requires the right partner but we shouldn’t underestimate timing. Meeting the right person at the wrong time, no telling how it will end. Regardless of how hard you try to make it work there are no guarantees.

A good number of women spend a considerable amount of time dreaming of the day they come face-to-face with the love of their lives. Marketing campaigns are built around the idea. Industries rake in millions from the fantasy sold. You will meet your perfect match and get a happily-ever-after. But they don’t tell you much about what goes on after finding love. It’s those things that can make a difference in how we manage it when it arrives.

The coming together of two people in love do not signify becoming one. Falling in love whether or not choosing to share a life with someone, in no way means relinquishing your power as a woman. Giving up who you are, what you like, your opinions and how you live life. However, it does often require compromise to help move the relationship to a higher level. You will likely need to calibrate until you get the right balance. Helping ensure parties are equally happy is extremely difficult to do for many reasons. At the very least each of you should get what you need from the relationship.

Whether personally experiencing it or seeing it through another’s eyes the emotion attached to love perpetuates incredible energy. When worlds collide it can blow your mind leaving you senseless. The rapture can unwillingly blind you to the point of losing your senses. The unconditional feeling is wonderful as it is scary, yet worth having at least once.

Crashing into love is the best part of the story. It is the reality that comes after to bring you down to earth that may be detrimental to your emotional health if not careful. People are different, as are their wants and needs. Unhappiness sometimes takes over when we give up too much.

You must both be willing to sway back and forth until you find the best rhythm to keep you dancing with your partner, as long as possible.

Protected content. Awakened-Woman.com

Photograph by The ABView Photography.

When Two Worlds Collide

“Time together creates a nest of sorts, bonding a couple into a tightly knit fabric. The intimacy created will mesh two worlds in ways that far exceed explanation. Whether performed out of love or habit, the act of lovemaking is a collection of beautiful, forceful and intense movements that deliver the most complicated of dances. Two people coming together in such an intimate act is powerful imagery. Intertwine emotions into the intricate choreography, it can form a masterpiece in its own right.”

– Excerpt from “A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”

The waltz of love is a challenging exercise. Mastery requires the right partner but we shouldn’t underestimate timing. Meeting the right person at the wrong time, no telling how it will end. Regardless of how hard you try to make it work there are no guarantees.

A good number of women spend a considerable amount of time dreaming of the day they come face-to-face with the love of their lives. Marketing campaigns are built around the idea. Industries rake in millions from the fantasy sold. You will meet your perfect match and get a happily-ever-after. But they don’t tell you much about what goes on after finding love. It’s those things that can make a difference in how we manage it when it arrives.

The coming together of two people in love do not signify becoming one. Falling in love whether or not choosing to share a life with someone, in no way means relinquishing your power as a woman. Giving up who you are, what you like, your opinions and how you live life. However, it does often require compromise to help move the relationship to a higher level. You will likely need to calibrate until you get the right balance. Helping ensure parties are equally happy is extremely difficult to do for many reasons. At the very least each of you should get what you need from the relationship.

Whether personally experiencing it or seeing it through another’s eyes the emotion attached to love perpetuates incredible energy. When worlds collide it can blow your mind leaving you senseless. The rapture can unwillingly blind you to the point of losing your senses. The unconditional feeling is wonderful as it is scary, yet worth having at least once.

Crashing into love is the best part of the story. It is the reality that comes after to bring you down to earth that may be detrimental to your emotional health if not careful. People are different, as are their wants and needs. Unhappiness sometimes takes over when we give up too much.

You must both be willing to sway back and forth until you find the best rhythm to keep you dancing with your partner, as long as possible.

Protected content. Awakened-Woman.com

Photograph by The ABView Photography.

Girl, You Got This!

People are good at finding wrongs. We can think of a dozen reasons to convince ourselves not to do something, especially when it means putting our needs first or taking a risk. Women are particularly hard on themselves, after all, our job is to take care of everyone. Caregivers, nurtures and pillars of families. People depend on you. You’re expected to ensure your tribe’s happiness.

AW has offered wonderful opportunities to exchange stories with women everywhere. The more conversations engaged in, more I appreciate other women, cultures and the various issues that affect all of us. One of the most enlightening aspects of this journey has been how much I’m learning about myself, as well.

Over the course of a year, goals seemingly unthinkable yet, worthwhile, have materialized. I began Awakened-Woman as sole writer, increased brand exposure, gained positive engagement and completed a book. If asked, did I ever imagine doing all these great things? Helping empower others with my articles? The answer would have been a hands-down ”No.” Present-day, I can’t see a roadblock for miles. Limitless and grateful are words I recite every day. I can and will take the message of empowerment to as many readers as possible.

The initial stages of building a foundation in business, relationship, dream or own life require relentless dedication, persistence, and passion. If you have the conviction that nothing is impossible then everything is possible. Set goals, do the work and push forward with intent, results will follow. Just be mindful, the purpose must be bigger than you.

There have been plenty of challenging days when I wasn’t sure, I could get it all done. Taking deep breaths, wondering if I could plow through exhaustion long enough to keep myself from giving up. I receive messages or comments from AW readers and the fire is reignited thanks to the inspiration you provide. I will do this.

From time to time, are there doubts that I can sustain the writing along with everything else on my plate? Does fear of criticism or judgment sometimes rear its head questioning my self-confidence? Do I have moments when the idea that I’m taking on too much crosses my mind? Yes to everything but none of these limitations are strong enough to shake me out of a dream. I can do this.

When you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, roll the dice. The test is not in whether or not you make a million. The real proof has more power and meaning. It’s easier to throw in the towel when the hailstorm comes our way. This is about how many lives can be changed for the better and encouraged. So, when it’s all getting to be overwhelming or frustration builds due to inactivity in any of the number of projects, what do I do? I tell myself the same thing every single day since I began this phase of my journey. I Got This!

Next time you hit those bumps on your road, I’m telling you don’t back down because “Girl – You’ve Got This!”

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Will You Love Again?

“You’ve now read about the heartbreak and hardship of separation. Sure, you have your own tales of disenchantment. Hopefully, enough time has passed that you now have a better grasp on everything. Are you ready to explore love, again? If not, it’s totally ok. There is no rush on coupling up. When you are at that place, you will know. I’d love to

tell you how amazing your love life will be post-cleanup of divorce aftermath. Would love to share great stories about a tall, dark and handsome gentleman sweeping you off your feet and putting a big rock on it—a man who will check all the boxes on your list. Do you believe in fairy tales? ”

         – Excerpt from “A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”

My second marriage had years of beautiful moments. I chose to live in a bubble to make sure everyone’s happiness remained intact, mine included. He was the best man he could be for me. Unfortunately, the chameleon I had become was too afraid to spread her wings. I thought concealing my realness would be the best way to guarantee a good outcome. Believing that if I showed my true self, I’d blow away our house of cards. I preferred to keep the fantasy alive over owning my truth. A decade into our union, efforts to preserve a perfect image became exhausting. The weary state contributed to the deterioration of the relationship. I knew deep down, I was not flawless. None of us are. The evolution taking place over time was inevitable. Eventually, the marriage ended. We grew apart.

The end of a long term relationship whether married, living together or dating weighs down the heart. You get used to the calls, text, intimate conversations while spending time together. Becoming vulnerable with that one person feels natural and provides comfort. Severing the strong ties can leave anyone hungover on feelings of abandonment or grief. Often believing there couldn’t be anyone else in the world that can make you feel that way, again.

They say that time heals all wounds. For a long time, I was quite cynical about love. Completely convinced love would not happen for me after such a painful breakup. It’s funny how clear things become when you fast forward to a time of peace. Present-day, my mindset has shifted to an understanding that much of those emotions stemmed from fear. Convincing myself I’d never love again, was a defense mechanism to help me keep love at bay ensuring the hurt would not repeat itself.

Everyone has their own way of managing pain. The heartache subsides, we shrug it off or bury all memory of the good moments hoping it forces any anguish to disappear. But by not allowing yourself to feel the hurt, you never process the events that have taken place. If you walk this path, there will not be space for new love. It is up to you to choose love. By loving yourself enough to go through the motions, you eventually release the bad and let the good back in your life.

Your heart has to be open to receive love. Once I was able to do this, everything changed for me. Love flowed back into my world. It will for you too – if you begin with forgiveness for yourself and your lost love.

So, will you love again? It is up to you.

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Photograph by The ABView Photography.