Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 28

Will You Join the Challenge during AW’s Last Weeks of 2019?

Every year we make promises to others but most importantly to ourselves. The year 2019 was full of wins but there is much to go. As we wind down this year, the time has come to take things into overdrive.

It can seem as if life moves at the speed of light. Often times we can’t move quickly enough to seize the moment. Days turn into weeks, months and before you know it years have gone by. Our youth is replaced with wrinkled skin, spider veins, and a library of stories from when we were young.

Aging has a way of affecting us, not only physically but mentally too. Many of us stop challenging ourselves, deceived by our body and mind. Getting comfortably familiar or settling into a life that is routine is normal. Putting others’ needs first also puts our wants in the backburner. I am as guilty as many other women (and men) who do the same, until now.

One week ago, I made a decision to start a 7-week #livemylifechallenge.

Every week for the rest of the year, I will do one thing to challenge myself in some way. Big or small, the activity, action, or dare should enhance my life physically, mentally, culturally, or in any manner. The crucial element for each challenge? It must force you to to step u to the plate.

Life is for the living and we should make it the best possible life. Live fully in the knowledge that once it all ends, you do not get do overs.

Not everything requires money. Be innovative, creative, for example, volunteer your time one Sunday, an altruistic act for someone less fortunate. A hike in a park you have never visited or dinner reservation for one. You get to choose what you would like to do. Try something new today, why not?

I dare you to join me.

Week 1: I attended the Jason Moran Jazz Show at the Whitney Museum in New York on my own. Fun, chill time reminding me of the joy music can bring to the soul.

Follow me as I begin posting the results on my social media feeds via Instagram and Facebook. Check out what I do next!

The exercise is meant to empower and inspire you to begin creating the life you deserve. Remember, to have fun where you can, the activity should make you feel good in some way.

Send your Comments, I want to know how your challenge goes, READY-SET-GO!!

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How to Manage the Guilt that Comes After Behaving Badly

“When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.” – Mae West

Men, women, and children experience it during their lives. It is a feeling of “Oops! I should not have done that!” Sporadically, accompanied by a fraction of regret, or devilish delicious pleasure for a select few. Interestingly, we usually know when our behavior is wrong or risky. Don’t we?

When was the last time you did something, knowing deep down it was not appropriate but you crossed the line anyway?

Human beings are complex. A certain level of unpredictability can be expected from us, especially, when the desire for something presents itself. How far, we’ll go to obtain what is yearned varies. There are people that push the envelope to new heights behaving badly without remorse. While others are inherently good sticking to a general set of standards and ethics.

It can be a fine line between good and bad. Life is not always black and white. People often find themselves in situations that create uncertainty.  Things seem to align, maybe justifying you committing the offense. The bad behavior may be rationalized to get a message across, teach a lesson or satisfy personal agendas. Whatever the reasons are for misbehaving and how far you are willing to go often depends on the morals and values you are given in childhood.

There are fundamental guidelines most people follow. Does everyone do the right thing every time? I’m not so sure. There is a gray area that tends to complicate life. Sorting out dirty laundry is a major task, add to it the human factor. It’s a tangled web, we weave at times.

The best of people can find themselves in situations that test their will, occasionally, questioning what they stand for. The behavior or action becomes a struggle with the conscience challenging many to ponder if the reward is worth the risk. It isn’t easy to always do the right thing, is it? Different motivators lead some good folks to do naughty things. The awaited compensation or satisfaction to be awarded at the end of the crooked road will last a moment or longer. Ultimately, you will have to face your biggest critic. Consequence has a funny way of chasing you down. Accountability creeps in, no matter how much it’s ignored. Until we make peace within, there is no way to forgive, particularly our own indiscretions.

Let’s also remember that guilt is not a universal feeling. There are plenty of men and women experiencing no remorse. Excusing their bad behavior is achieved without much effort, though most of us know and sense when our conduct has strayed. This internal alarm acts as a deterrent to help choose wisely. However, if you are someone living in a world of extreme self-entitlement or lack of empathy outside the normal boundaries it should be cause for concern. Time to check yourself.

It becomes increasingly important to me as an adult to remind myself that I am not flawless. Carrying myself in an honest and trustworthy way is a priority but perfection is not the expectation. Mistakes are made along the way and not due to intentional bad behavior. It is essential to keepthese points present when confronting personal misbehavior.

1. No one is perfect. Anyone can have a slip or several on life’s record. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are an evildoer. The path to redemption is available to those truly seeking a better self.

2. Good people sometimes do bad things, too. Do not be fooled into thinking you are required to be free of all wrongdoing. If you stayed out with girlfriends bit later than expected on a weeknight to wake up late for your daily routine or said no to a friend’s favor. It is not a reason to beat yourself up. Own up to how you are feeling about the matter then turn the page.

3. Boundaries. The question to ask yourself when there is a temptation for dubious behavior? Are the lines being crossed sacrificing your integrity? If the behavior is considered suspect. Is it worth having to possibly confine yourself to a place that can make you feel less than honorable? At the end of the day, what you think of yourself is what really matters most.

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” C.S. Lew

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Photo provided by The ABView Photography.

On Our First Date, He said, “Lets Go Dutch”

Dating is work for many men and women playing the field. If you are currently looking to find that special someone, the word will make you cringe, at times. Whether, meeting a prospective love partner at a coffeehouse, bar, museum, dating app or through a friend, the roles of courtship are generally streamlined for each gender.

There are unspoken rules outlined by society to dictate how dating should work. For females, it includes dressing up for a date, not kissing or being intimate the first time out and playing hard to get.  The expectation for males is to do the chasing, take the lead and plan the date. The man is also expected to pay for taking a woman out. How do you feel about fulfilling these expectations?

What would you do if you were out on a first date and at the end of the night, he asked you to go half-and-half on dinner?

Perspectives will vary from person to person. Plenty of men think it is perfectly fine to pay for first and all dates, others not so much. In an age where women demand equality, plus the residual effects from an increased cost of living provide excuses. The expectation seems reasonable – or does it? It depends on who you ask.

Dating can be fun, yet confusing. It is sometimes draining due to the changing rules of the game. The simplicity of accepting an invitation from someone you like, believing chivalry prevails is no longer the case. Years ago, during one of my own dating fiascos, I was asked to split the bill for dinner. His ask at our first meet was surprising, especially, coming from someone who asked me out not the other way around. There was no second date but I did learn a few things about the awkward experience.

The request to go dutch was not necessarily the part I found insulting. The fact, this guy asked me on a date gave the impression he’d be courting me. Had I been the one to petition the date, expectations may have been different. Going dutch is a well-known practice and perfectly normal in parts of Europe. American culture generally looks down on the practice, as distasteful. Men have found themselves on the other side of a woman’s voicemail after offering this option on a first date. The offense can be a turn-off and can be misinterpreted as the guy displaying his frugality. The initial reaction is to reject the suitor that suggests splitting a bill.

Helpful tips for Guys and Gals…

Guys: Women want to be shown attention. Seeing a man go out of his way to take us out is not an outrageous expectation. Putting some thought and time into any date is key. The beginning of courtship is the honeymoon stage. It’s the time to let the girl of your dreams know you have been waiting for a chance to shower her with your attention. Asking her to go dutch on a first try can leave a bad taste in her mouth. A gentleman scores points by trying to woo his way into the nook. Let the woman know you appreciate and respect the time and energy she put into showing up. It’s a gift to be in her company. Don’t tell her, show her.

Gals: You know your worth and deserve to be made feel special. It isn’t a bad thing to want a guy that is considerate and chivalrous. At the same time, if he earns it over time, offer kind gestures demonstrating your gratitude for his efforts, too. We can sometimes be spoiled by the power and advantages that can come from being a woman. There are men out there who would enjoy the same treatment. It doesn’t have to mean a grand gesture but a thoughtful one. Choose wisely and reciprocate when the situation calls for it.

Dating on its own carries immense pressure. Small acts of generosity and care go a long way on this two-way street. When starting the process we don’t know what will happen, therefore, as you embark on your dating adventure put your best foot forward – both of you.

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How to Resolve Those Annoying Pet Peeves

Every week Jenny woke up to find his trimmed hairs in the bathroom sink. Weeknights filled with chores, her least favorite – picking up after her significant other. Although she loved him dearly, it was no fun cleaning up after a grown man or repeatedly ask him to help around around the house. They both held down jobs and were equally busy outside the home. If you ask what is her biggest pet peeve? His clothes all over the bedroom floor every evening. It annoyed her to no end.

Love has nothing to do with it, is right! Plenty of women struggle with playing ”mama.” Have you had the pleasure of meeting the guy that spends weekend after a weekend playing video games while his girlfriend or spouse does the heavy lifting? Cooking, cleaning, laundry, making lunches for the school week or shuffling little ones to social activities? Of course, there are men who do their part to help, as much as possible. There are also single fathers who do it alone. But why do women often feel they carry most of the load when it comes to domestic affairs? The answer is a combination of you, society and unrealistic expectations set by all of the above.

Whether married, cohabitating, dating or in a relationship of any kind, women are usually expected to fulfill a role. Matriarchs in charge of overseeing home life. A story as old as time that goes back to early civilization. Men go out to hunt while the female stays behind to gather food and care for kin. However, the traditional roles once defined, no longer apply. Beautiful, isn’t it?

Modern society gives us permission to break the mold. There isn’t one way of doing things. We must take charge of our lives which includes making choices that support the life you deserve. Your vision does not need to look like anyone else’s. Make sensible concessions without offering yourself as a sacrificial lamb. Remembering who you are and what you want is important. Living an unhappy life for any reason does not work long term. Often times, we put others first, placing our needs on the backburner. It is behavior that can become a habit for many.

Pet peeves can become bothersome over time. The potential to cause problems in a relationship is real. The little annoyances get under your skin on any given day. Whether he is always late, pops gum, gives you the silent treatment or is indecisive. If these are things that get on your nerves then try to resolve the behavior. Open a dialogue with that person about your discomfort. Human relationships are complex, a key to making them work is to communicate emotions. It is nearly impossible to have successful relations without this basic requirement. Silencing our dismay is not a valuable option as it creates a build-up of resentment that can eat away at you.

So, how do you manage your significant other’s pet peeves?

1. In a compassionate and constructive manner share your feelings. In the process of expressing yourself make sure not to phrase the issues negatively. Start your conversation from a positive place then tell your partner how you feel.

2. Offer possible sensible options that may help solve the issue. Meeting a loved one halfway can work wonders. People want to feel appreciated and if you work towards a middle ground, it facilitates the transition.

Remember, a compromise no matter how small has a better chance of winning over a command. So, what is your biggest pet peeve?

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AW is About to Level Up

AW is ready for a new phase that will include bigger challenges and more adventures!

When I started writing, there were no expectations. It was a tool to help others on way to finding their best self. Now, after a book and several hundred articles later, I feel there is much more to be done. As I work to reach more women, it is evident that the engagement rate needs to skyrocket in order to get the AW message to go viral but I need your help!

Few months ago, I took on a new project. As a content writer for BELatina magazine, I’ve been given an amazing opportunity to connect with a new audience while writing about many new topics that affect all of us directly or indirectly. Meeting and working with such a great team of females has further empowered me. It has encouraged me to see the importance of having a wonderful squad. Women have been pitted against each other for decades. They say, “the competition is fierce” or at least it is how we perceive one another. Not true.

During this journey, I have encountered strong, confident women that have done nothing but open doors offering all types of support. These women are AW readers, artists, fellow writers, editors, publisher, family and friends – you name it! I am grateful.

As I continue the journey of womanhood, I’m building the AW brand. The new copyrighted logo was created to remind us of the journey. Stand tall, proud and regal because you are a beautiful woman preparing to fly towards your own greatness. Each day let’s work to get closer to our goals and dreams. It is okay to rest but no matter what is happening in life, keep going! Push forward because the lessons of yesterday can bring a better tomorrow, if you do the constant work.

Encourage, Inspire and Empower other women. Share AW with all the women you come across.

Check out AW on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook or follow the AW Blog via email.

Let me know what you think about the new logo of just stop by to say Hi!

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I Don’t Love You Anymore

Everything seemed fine at last week’s wedding celebration. Just a few weeks ago, things were moving along. Everything was status quo. What happened next was unforeseen. In fact, it felt like a surprise punch to the gut. It came at such force it let the air out of the lungs.

Once in a while, we hear something that for one reason or another tugs at our heartstrings. As mothers, wives, girlfriends, and daughters, we share many of the same experiences. Women often lack the will to share, instead choosing to conceal our true emotions, usually out of fear or to please others. Neglect, exhaustion, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, hesrtbreak can all be buried deep enough to be able to maintain an act. However, sometimes we find the courage to divulge our hurt because we’re human. Having another woman listen and empathize can help us more than we’d like to admit.

Recently, I came across a woman in love whose heart was broken by a man she had been in a relationship with for close to 20 years. They were not married, engaged or had children together. In fact, the couple did not cohabitate but spent weekends together. They made a lifetime of memories that would be hard to forget. Can you imagine loving someone for almost two decades? Waking up each day believing things are fine between you. Until you hear him utter those awful words that none of us want to hear ”I don’t love with you anymore.”

Myself, in a relationship of almost 6 years, I couldn’t shake the thought all day. ”What if the same thing happened to me?” I would’t be able to bear the pain of a crushed heart! Well, it did happen to me. Although, under different circumstances, I had a marriage end after a decade. It was emotionally crippling but did not kill me. I figured out how to thrive, find my own strength and learned to live again.

The reality is nothing in life is permanent. We dream of a love that lasts forever but there are no guarantees. There isn’t a ring, marriage certificate or promise that will secure eternity. Life ends too, eventually. The hope is that we spend as much time as possible enjoying the fruits of a beautiful emotion. Love’s high is intoxicating, so much that we cannot get enough of it but we have to be able to pick ourselves back up if we lose it.

I am the first to admit, this woman’s story hit home. The vivid reminder that a love affair can end at any time. It is scary, however, I offer these words to the women who are hurting.

Love is grand. Allow yourself to feel and bask in it’s glory while you have it. If one day, it’s no longer there – remember there is only one true love you can never do without. The love for yourself is the greatest love you can ever have, it won’t let you down. If that love fails you it can destroy you. Your first, last and biggest love is you. If nothing else, nurture and keep it with you anywhere you go. Love yourself more than anyone else because you are the only one that can get yourself through anything.

In the meantime, Live – Love – Laugh because you got this girl!

Protected content. 2019 Awakened-Woman.com

You Do Not Need Permission!

Women are challenging societal views in big ways. Tearing down centuries worth of repression, not to mention unfair attitudes towards women, still evident today. The bar is set high and we’re judged based on a distinct set of rules not applicable to men. It is a reality that chose us but no longer limits our gender. The double standard applies to the things we say or do and how we should think or behave. Luckily, molds are being shattered into millions of fragmented pieces.

Whether we realize it or not, every woman has a role in creating an individual footprint to help continue smashing barriers.

I am embracing the opportunities that break ground instead of shying away from them. Learning to use my voice to speak out against anything that makes me unhappy. In accepting this challenge, my goal is to make the impossible possible and be fearless in the pursuit to become the best self.

Don’t ask permission to live your greatest life – the one that brings you joy. Grab hold of your dreams. Whatever they are, fight for them. Be YOU – no apologies. Remain loyal to yourself, first. Be kind and respectful to others but learn to ask for what you deserve.

Do the things you want without overthinking, use calculated risk plus intelligence. It is all possible within reason. You can ask for forgiveness later if you overstep boundaries but you will never know what you are capable of until you try.

Be the BOSS of your life and empire.

Protected content. 2019 Awakened-Woman.com

Permission Not Required

Women are challenging societal views in big ways. Tearing down centuries worth of repression, not to mention unfair attitudes towards women, still evident today. The bar is set high and we’re judged based on a distinct set of rules not applicable to men. It is a reality that chose us but no longer limits our gender. The double standard applies to the things we say or do and how we should think or behave. Luckily, molds are being shattered into millions of fragmented pieces.

Whether we realize it or not, every woman has a role in creating an individual footprint to help continue smashing barriers.

I am embracing the opportunities that break ground instead of shying away from them. Learning to use my voice to speak out against anything that makes me unhappy. In accepting this challenge, my goal is to make the impossible possible and be fearless in the pursuit to become the best self.

Don’t ask permission to live your greatest life – the one that brings you joy. Grab hold of your dreams. Whatever they are, fight for them. Be YOU – no apologies. Remain loyal to yourself, first. Be kind and respectful to others but learn to ask for what you deserve.

Do the things you want without overthinking, use calculated risk plus intelligence. It is all possible within reason. You can ask for forgiveness later if you overstep boundaries but you will never know what you are capable of until you try.

Be the BOSS of your life and empire.

Protected content. 2019 Awakened-Woman.com

Shhhh…Can You Keep a Secret?

Have you ever kept a secret? Are you keeping one of your own?

Secrets have the ability to hurt or protect. Keepers possess the power of deciding whether the information is worth their silence. The delicate truth has potential to destroy your life or someone else’s. It may be one of the biggest reasons for safeguarding it in a vault at the bottom of our souls. If you have been on either side of the fence, you know one thing is known to be true. Uncovering a secret can be as painful as keeping one.

Whether conscience or fear, both lock you in a standstill. Facing the possibility of blowing up another person’s life, especially yours is terrifying. Families and relationships have been scarred by unprecedented or explosive news. The world is full of secrets. Politics, religion, history and society as a whole carry a heap of untold stories that will never see the light.

It is no easy task to maintain a lid on details that can alter someone’s life. The burden of responsibility depends on your discretion. But what do you do when the secret being concealed can hurt someone? Do you tell? Should you share the load that is weighing heavy on you? There really is no right or wrong solution that accommodates everyone. The answer to this question is in your heart and mind. I presume we narrow it down to what we’re able to live with because at the end of the day, you are ultimately the person to witness the damage firsthand.

We all own secrets concealed from the world. Things unknown to anyone for one reason or another. Hiding who you are, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, feelings of unworthiness – there are countless feelings we cover up. These personal truths can certainly be detrimental to one’s emotional health. One of the most common secrets people keep is hiding who they genuinely are to make others happy or fit in with society.

The reality is that expectations must be met, regardless of the roles played in our daily lives. Sometimes, hiding truth is necessary for survival. In no way, does that signify condoning a lie. Young or old, everyone has choices to make for themselves. The kindest one is to be true to who you are by making decisions that help you live a life that creates inner peace.

What secret are you keeping?

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Does JLo’s ”Hustlers” Empower or Vilify Women?

Jennifer Lopez’ “Hustlers,” is a film inspired by the true story of Roselyn Keo and Samantha Barbash’s plot to rip off well-to-do Wall Street guys during the downturn of the market over a decade ago. In 2007 a global financial crisis brought the profitable industry to its knees. It influenced many to get creative when the money that pays for play became scarce. The a.k.a. “subprime mortgage crisis” not only changed Wall Street’s business practices but the adult entertainment marketing strategies, as well.

The movie is based on the New Yorker magazine article ”The Hustlers at Scores” written by Jessica Pressler in 2015 where she interviewed the masterminds behind a scheme to milk clients for beaucoup dollars! Roselyn Keo and Samantha Barbash worked as a team then handpicked a crew to help them carry out their plan. The women lured affluent men from their stock market C-Suites to the Champagne Room at strip clubs like Scores promising a grand old time. The biggest surprise from the night of pleasure? A rude awakening – an exorbitant charge to the client’s personal or corporate card. The hefty cost was upwards in the tens of thousands of dollars. What started out as strippers enjoying the lavish tips of men behaving badly became a Machiavelli plan of larceny and assault using street pharmaceuticals. Everyone was getting a cut of the action including the men behind the scenes like club bouncers, managers, and bartenders.

Lopez dazzles as Ramona, her physical ability to use the pole as a prop was mesmerizing. It offers a newfound appreciation for the athletics that go into exotic dancing tricks. Having taken a pole dance class, I assure you it requires impeccable body strength but the woman nails it. The actress/singer/dancer/businesswoman takes off the Jennifer Lopez hat and immerses into character. Her aggressive, yet, seductive personality draws viewers into Ramona’s world making you forget that she is Jenny from the Block. I was delighted to witness the out of body experience. She made me believe the story of the money-hungry leader of the pack.

Constance Wu was lovely as Lopez’ protege. Their chemistry appeared genuine which convinced me of the friendship being played out. Keke Palmer, Lili Reinhart add color to the film’s backstory. The crew grows into a family of friendships. Regardless of reasons for drawing them to the club they were just women who shared a need for bonding. A support system was created, something obviously missing from all their lives. Cardi B and Lizzo were entertaining, funny and rich in persona. The ”Hustlers” cast and director entice the audience into feeling like they are taking part in the strip club experience. It brings the viewer further inside the sphere of these clubs. Beyond entertainment, ”Hustlers” is a raw film about a group of human beings’ dysfunction within society. All flawed, battling inner conflict as they figure out this thing called life. Art imitates life as the movies’ characters walk around their every day, acting out a part to make reality more acceptable or tolerable which isn’t always possible. Unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and childhood work together to form a complex mishmash.

During the last scene of ”Hustlers” Ramona refers to our city – and country being one big strip club. Everyone is hustling for something. Everyone has a dance hoping the moves will attract the things desired. There is money to be made, so what moves are you willing to make to get that tip? What are you ready to contribute in exchange for the wages, commissions, or bonus? How do you get what you need? Putting up with a job or boss you hate, selling a product or house you don’t believe is right for the client, faking you like someone to get the referral to grow your business. In some way or other, there are trade-offs we make in order to obtain what is needed.

In the end, there were a few takeaways as I walked out of the theatre in silence trying to process the fascinating story, movie and characters.

Depravity on Wall Street

I started in the financial industry as an assistant around the year 2000. Although, the stories of greed, wealth and infidelity are rampant. There are decent men and women working hard in finance, solely looking to get closer to the American dream. Bad conduct is not exclusive to Wall Street. I would argue that society as a whole is plagued with good and bad. This is one story that happens to take place in a world perceived to be rich and powerful but we can find plenty of industries that can be classified as more perverse with tales from the dark side. Hollywood, anyone?

Women (in this case, Strippers) are Evil and Men are their Victims

We make our beds then have to lay in it. There are consequences to one’s actions, particularly when it involves behavior that doesn’t go along with the mainstream. The women working in the club scene came into these situations already damaged emotionally and mentally. The environment was not conducive to healing, to the contrary, it fueled a fast and inferior lifestyle giving the women a one-way ticket to their personal hell. Deep down many of the woman knew what they were doing was wrong, you could see how lost they were when managing their own lives. Rationalizing the crimes might have helped them find temporary solace in their minds, though guilt manifested in other ways.

The men were victimized but not exactly innocent. Granted, the women cajoled clientele into a scheme to rob them blind. However, it cannot be overlooked when men behind and in front of the house, as well as, club-goers use every chance they got to belittle and humiliate the women at the establishment. It is similar to kicking an individual when they’re down, somewhat savage. Don’t you think?

Badass Females Rock

Director, was masterful at bringing these people to life. She did not curtail or soften the actor’s to play nice. In a world of the ”Me Too” movement, it’s hard to take on the task. The flick was sharp, unapologetic in its realness. Growing up in a time of movies like Scarface or Goodfellas this is a breath of fresh women empowerment.

Human beings are a complicated mess that requires constant tweaking. Imperfect, broken, emotional, and full of intricate workings in its psychological makeup. We cannot deny that wicked behavior lives among us. The best we can do is be conscious of our actions, make choices we can live with that keep our dignity and principles intact. Always leaving room for the mistakes that will happen, these help us learn the lessons.

I’d say, go check out Hustlers‘ and take with you, an open mind.

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