Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 29

A Must Read If You Believe “He Has Potential?”

Women everywhere will be familiar the concept of a man with ”potential.” Heck! Let’s be real, at any of the love stages, some have more than held it down in a relationship while waiting for change. Plenty of women have inadvertently, made a second career out of trying to fix what’s broken. Have you ever been exhausted by the task of building a man up to what you think he could be? Shape him into the ideal partner.

This is the guy working on himself, constantly without taking any true action to improve his life. The one that makes you feel inclined to hold his hand through life. There is no problem with giving a man your support by being there in his moment of need. However, becoming a crutch, enabling him to the point he is not productive is unacceptable. Whether it’s running his job search, financing his life or trying to pinpoint the root of his deep emotional issues, it can all be damaging to you long term.

It’s common for women to have an innate desire to feel wanted or needed. Out nurturing side often dominates how much of ourselves we are willing to relinquish. Taking care of the ones we love becomes our greatest priority, too often putting our needs on the backburner.

Men have been known to give up a part of their lives to raise a child as a single parent or put a significant other through school which is perceived as honorable. Women, on the other hand, are expected to make all types of sacrifices in the name of love and family. Working off this double standard is a tall order. We feel responsible to make things work with a husband, boyfriend or significant other at any cost. The matriarch is supposed to keep things together against all odds. Growing up, we may have seen our mothers exercise similar behavior. Tolerating more than their share to keep a clan united, sometimes means looking for potential in a hopeless situation.

People will fool themselves into seeing potential where it doesn’t exist. Believing you can change a person is the first mistake. He can be the great man you see if he works on a few things. Iron out his kinks, right? Has the thought crossed your mind?

No one is without flaw, there are always challenges. We are human. It’s expected that from time to time our partners will require support of some kind. But when the help you provide deceives you, thinking he is something he isn’t then it will create problems. In order for greatness to take place a few things must happen. An individual has to want change and there needs to be a foundation to build on.

Potential is possibility, it is the chance for someone capable to do more. Keep in mind, the person should perform from a position of strength. It is key he have the will to work, determination to succeed, drive to be better and have a desire to grow. No one can be what you want, he or she has to want it for themselves.

Be honest about what he brings to the table because potential alone will not make him into the man you deserve.

“Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com”

We Will Never Forget.

On a Tuesday, 18 years ago on the 11th of September a memory was planted in our brain. One that I can vividly recall, as if it had happened yesterday. The skies were clear and blue, a beautiful morning began as an average workday. Running late, missing a train during the daily commute can feel like the worst, except on that particular day it was my saving grace.

New York’s history was forever changed. Life would never be quite the same. Newspapers, magazines, television reports could not prepare me for what I’d see. Read more on BELatina.

“Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com”

What’s Hot in September?

What do many of us do when we have an upcoming social, work or family event – a celebration? You try to find the ideal outfit. The “It” dress, skirt, jacket, shoes that embellish your natural beauty from head to toe.

What woman doesn’t want to feel like the belle of the ball while enjoying a moment in time where she gets to play her fabulous self!

New York Fashion Week is not just about the hottest item on the runway, high fashion, models, dresses or makeup. It’s our chance to celebrate homegrown and international designers who share their gift and vision with us. Much more than expensive clothing or a lifestyle, it’s a feast of creativity!

It was a joy writing this fun article as I learned about the history behind some of these incredible designers.

Read more of my article on BELatina magazine.

Protected content. 2019 awakemed-woman.com

How to Make Time it Count Instead of Wasting It

The value of time is greater than that of money. We can always make more money. Time cannot be multiplied or made back. Once it’s gone, you will never see again.

Are you in a job you don’t like?

Does the relationship you are in make you miserable?

Do the people you have in your circle make you cringe?

Do you feel uninspired, indecisive, conformed to a life you don’t want for yourself with no desire or intent in life? Have you lost your passion – was it ever there?

Is life happening to you instead of taking it by the horns and living it to the fullest?

These questions may resonate with plenty of readers. Regardless of where you come from, human beings relate on at least one level. Life is full of unanswered questions. You owe it to yourself to seek answers as you tumble through the fields of the struggle. We are not born all-knowing. There are men and women who know what they want, diving into the pool of life purposely looking to accomplish the goals they have set. Others contemplate the possibilities but prefer to live through the periscope of another person’s life. The rest are too afraid, likely to stand still because it’s easier or more comfortable than venturing into the unknown. It is also possible to feel like you don’t have choices. Which of these describes you?

Growing older and experiencing life as an adult has changed my perception of time. As a woman, mother, and wife I have been placed in a multitude of situations challenging my mental, physical and spiritual state. Like so many living under the same assumption, I have felt at certain moments that I have all the time in the world. It is isn’t uncommon to fall into this false sense of security? Unfortunately, reality or the universe has a way of reminding us that we are immortals living on borrowed time.

Recently, the clock of life has been ticking louder and louder. The first 20 or 30’something years of our lives consist of carefree living if we are lucky, as not everyone gets the chance. The decades that follow can be a period of soul-searching and self-discovery as you begin to ask yourself even more questions like: What brings true joy in life? What are the things that really matter? What will you do with the years you are gifted? Time is flying by, what do you have to show for it?

Years ago in a conversation with a distant friend, we got to talking about life. Frank was probably in his late 30s, successful in business, as well as his personal life. He was a happy-go-lucky, vibrant and jovial kind of man. On that day, he shared with me about how he had began taking flight lessons to get his pilot license. In an inquisitive yet alarming style, I couldn’t help to ask him ”Why would you possibly want to fly a plane, Frank?” His smile was electrifying, an honest and profound response, “There are two things I love more than anything, both make me feel alive. The love for family and the freedom of flying anywhere above the clouds. It brings me peace and sheer happiness.”

Frank’s words sufficed, helping me understand the reasons for pursuing the exhilarating and daring hobby. Life is short. It wasn’t necessarily that he was unafraid. He loved flying so much that he refused to allow his trepidation to get the best of him to the point of discouraging him from doing what he wanted. It sounds simple but it is one of the toughest things for most of us to do. Live every moment, fearlessly, with passion and zest for what you choose to do. We get settled in ways, doubt our capabilities, often never reaching true potential in the time put on earth.

On August 17, 2019, a light aircraft came down in Upstate NY, the pilot (Frank) did not survive the crash. He passed at the age of 61 doing what he loved. It is an immense loss for his family and all those he helped during his time with us. He is now a permanent angel flying above the clouds, as he’d say.

So, how do you make time count instead of wasting it? Start living life now, today. Do the things you yearn to do. Work hard towards the dreams you wish for. Believe in yourself enough to know that you can and you will.

Live the time you are given because if you wait too long before realizing it’s all wasted, your time might expire too.

“Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com“

A Date with Myself

Date much? Can you recall the years, months or weeks anticipating a date? We invest a lot of time and energy in the dating game. There is immeasurable pressure for the young and old to couple up. Those relationship goals are constantly in our faces and plastered all over social media. Valentine’s day is built around the idea that everyone needs somebody. So, once you find the ideal someone, why go out alone?

There isn’t a lack of desire to share time with my special someone. The moments spent with the one I love creates an eternal footprint in my heart. If these romantic or fun times are such a treasure then what is the reason behind going out on my own? It’s not about anyone else but me. It is a couple hours’ set aside to reconnect with the inner self. When was the last time you took care of your needs or did something you wanted to do that does not involve a second party?

The headline picture gives you a visual of what I decided to do for my night out. The week had been hectic juggling projects that drained me of all energy. Appointments at the hair salon followed by a quick manicure in preparation for dinner. Sitting at a window table in a quiet restaurant with a glass of Provence Rose – smells like August! The people-watching outside became increasingly interesting when a summer thunderstorm hovered over the Manhattan streets. Dark clouds steadily rolled into the area speeding up the walk of pedestrians without umbrellas. By the time, the entree was in front of me, huge raindrops splashed the sidewalk creating puddles too big to jump over. Mother Nature’s show of power was a sight to see while I contemplated this year in my life.

In the book, ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self” I described how date night with myself was born. They say the mother of all inventions comes from necessity, as it turns out, this idea significantly helped me when I fell into the uncoupled category. Learning to plan these dates became a way of self-care. Reactions to the concept of dating solo vary from bewilderment to disbelief which could be intimidating. The solution is to stand strong, confident in the knowledge of the woman you are, shrugging off any outside judgment. The voices of those that don’t matter will be silenced over time, empowering you more than ever imagined.

Women are caretakers by nature which is beautiful. The issue for most of us seems to be how lost we can get in others. It is important to nurture ourselves mentally,  physically and spiritually. Creating a space where you can gradually find your center promotes good health. It strengthens you in numerous ways and encourages the process of self-awareness. Exhausting yourself while managing everyone else’s needs leads you to be progressively less effective. It’s impossible to stretch your resources for an indefinite length of time without the bottom falling out. It’s like letting a hairline fracture go untreated. Over weeks the complications that can occur are increasingly more serious. A healing period is required to get back to a healthy state. You also require care to regenerate as you work towards your best self.

Dates with yourself can consist of any activity that is fun for you. These usually do not require overthinking or intense action. To the contrary, do things that put you at ease. The flow of time when you are engaged in your activity should leave you with feelings of serenity, gratitude even if it’s for a short stint you’ll enjoy it.

I left the restaurant that evening with a sense of balance. Inspired by the down time, I was able to navigate my thoughts freely without interruptions. It was a moment of pure freedom which I gift myself every so often, as it is necessary for my well-being. In the long run, it makes me a better mother, girlfriend, friend, daughter and human being.

Consider planning one of your own. Would love to hear about your experience with solo date. Let me know how it goes for you.

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

The Must-Have on Your Engagement Checklist

Engagement is a highlight in the lives of millions of women each year. Plenty of brides-to-be coordinate up to the smallest detail of the wedding day, right down to the color of lipstick. The production is a culmination of decades worth of fantasizing. The perfect dress, shoes, veil, venue, flowers, and cake. Oh Yes! We can’t forget the groom. The romantic imagery is used to sell millions of goods and services to women everywhere each day.

A long or sometimes brief courtship that encompasses someone’s love story. It’s been said, ”everyone has at least one novel in them.” Couples bring their unique tale of how they met and fell in love. Moments at an altar, gazebo or designated area to profess love and devotion in the presence of witnesses. Recently, I listened to a podcast that took me back to the first time I got married. The host of the show went over some valid information. Some of the thoughts shared resonate with me today but back then, it did not occur to me to ask myself these questions.

Why Do You Want to Get Married? Validation of the relationship? Do you need to prove yourself worthy of marrying or is tradition the reason for the exchange of vows.
Are you both financially prepared for the business of marriage? Once the romance wears off it is crucial to be ready for the economic repercussions post-wedding.
Have you had difficult conversations to align your priorities? Do you and your partner have similar ideals as you move ahead with a life together? Children? Where to live after nuptials? Change of names? Future plans? Management of household finances? There is plenty to discuss.

Suprisingly, many couples neglect to talk about the real-life topics that affect their lives day-to-day. I am too, guilty of allowing a wedding to get bigger than the marriage. Posing the right questions is necessary to make sure you go into this new setting with your eyes wide open. Finding out your new spouse is knee deep in debt or legal problems after saying ”I Do” for example, will leave you not only shell-shocked but resentful. Starting a relationship on dishonesty has detrimental effects that will turn your world inside out. Having been on the other side of a lie at any given time, I can tell you one thing. Deceitful behavior is destructive but so is ignorant bliss. Either one can threaten a good thing.

Your engagement checklist has to include a heart-to-heart with yourself and your lucky guy. In the most honest and genuine voice ask the right questions. Don’t be afraid to ask anything, this is about your life.

Relationships should include a vetting process to give you the best chance for success. Meeting the right person and falling in love is a whimsical dance but doesn’t have to mean the end of reasoning. The goal is to try to preserve some type of balance to obtain maximum results. Being better prepared for a future together may increase the probability of building a strong and resilient foundation for the relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

What questions will you have on your list?

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Playback On YouTube!

The interview was scheduled months ago. The time was now, sitting in the virtual green room, my mind went to the first time I saw ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self” book in print.

June 2019 gave way to a new chapter of AW. The culmination of a project that began as a vision. I knew deep down it was possible to bring a wish to fruition. Eventually, the book would be published as long as I did not give up. I believed in the good it can, and will do for women everywhere. Inspire, empower and encourage women continues to be the message.

Everyday millions of females experience challenging times in their lives. This is one woman’s story written to bring hope. Thank you for inspiring me to continue sharing my stories with you on AW.

Writers Corner Live TV show was a highlight going off without a hiccup with the exception of a momentary technical glitch! I hope you enjoy watching me discuss how the idea of a book came about and how the plan was implemented. The goal was to get that one YES to the book!

I am grateful to hosts, Bridgetti and Mary Elizabeth for having me as a guest on their show. It was a fun and interesting chat which I greatly enjoyed.

Hope you like the interview!

Check out the playback of Writers Corner Live Episode 57!

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Are You Giver or Taker in a Relationship?

Relationships of any kind are a give and take. In an ideal world, we would like to have an equilibrium allowing both persons to have their fair share. Love, attention, nurturing, financial support, the list of human needs is long. We often barter some of these in order to maintain the relationship but where should we draw the line in the sand? What are the two biggest blunders we make as givers or takers? How do you avoid repeating the behavior?

Have you ever found yourself giving the house away when enamored? Often a common misconception that will drain you. I would discourage letting yourself believe it’s the only way to love. Givers can be major people pleasers. The desire to make others happy feeds their soul. Uttering the word “No” becomes equivalent to disappointment which is untrue. The problem is, when we give, give, give, eventually, you empty the love tank. It is essential to understand that granting permission to put yourself first is completely acceptable. Relinquishing to the feeling of guilt can lead to a gradual increase of dissatisfaction over time that promotes self-guilt. The behavior brings unhealthy relationships to an unsustainable imbalance.

Givers have issues setting boundaries. It can be challenging to limit how much to render when you are fixated on the mindset that saying no makes you a bad person. The key to managing others’ expectations? Begin by remembering that you cannot be everything to everyone. Draw an invisible line between what you can realistically give without sacrificing yourself. Seek an equilibrium that will have the most effective return. Meaning, give others what you can, within reason. The give should be good enough but not deplete you of all mental, emotional, financial or physical well-being from your body.

Takers might look to have the better half of this deal but how long could you go without giving thought to anyone’s interest other than your own? This individual can be either very self-centered or genuinely oblivious to a loved one’s needs. In either situation, taking a cue from others can prove to be a difficult task. The behavior many times leads to serious problems in a relationship. It’s challenging to be around someone who solely thinks of themselves. Would you agree? As a taker, you may neglect to nurture and tend to a partner, friend, sister or parent because you are wrapped up in a world where it is all about you. We want those we love to be seen and heard, otherwise, they might not be there for us when the going gets rough. It’s in some people’s nature to be selfish but change is not impossible. Improvement is attainable when you acknowledge undesirable conduct and have the willingness to modify it. Ask the people you care about what can you do to help make their life better. It doesn’t have to happen every day but be consistent. Stay present as you work to create a web of security. People just want to know you care.

Healthy relationships need a certain fluidity. An ebb and flow of giving and taking that mutually benefits both individuals. Although, at any given period given a bad situation we might need to give more than we take, it is important to recalibrate when necessary. Anyone can fall in a trap that puts them at the mercy of love or accepting the status quo. A gentle nudge is helpful to get you to remember that YOU matter. Every woman reading this deserves nothing less than the best but first, you have to give it to yourself. It is the healthiest way to build the resilience that will make you a stronger supporter for your tribe.

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

We Build Teams by Empowering Each Other

On Saturday, July 7, 2019, the United States Women’s Soccer claimed their 4th soccer championship. Women around the world cheered for their team. Groups of young girls and women of all ages were rooting for victory. Team effort requires pulling together for a cause – to win. Audiences celebrated the proud moment and shared in the emotion. The epic win is only one example of what happens when women work together.

Recently, ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self” was included in the Las Femmes Artistes exhibit at PVAA Art Place in Montclaire, CA. Founder, Kay Kelman united 27 artists to contribute to a display of self-expression. It was a moment that I wanted to capture in an article promoting female empowerment.

While there are plenty of sources that feed stories about the catty and competitive behavior that plagues female relationships, one thing holds true. Women have the capacity to collaborate successfully.

Recently, I began a gig as content writer for BeLatina magazine. This opportunity has allowed me to extend my network of amazingly gifted women. When an offer came from the magazine to put together a piece highlighting the event, I jumped at the chance! Having their support to help highlight other women’s work was a wonderful experience. The article has been well received and I’m extremely grateful.

The voyage has just begun but Awakened-Woman continues to flourish. My goal is to spread inspiration and empowerment. I believe sharing our lessons, wisdom, words, and thoughts make us stronger. Great things can happen when we connect and contribute towards a common goal. I’ve come across women who are brave, strong and possess an incredible desire to thrive. They encourage me to keep pushing forward on the toughest days.

The AW platform offers a chance to encourage other women to follow their dreams. Hopefully, giving you insight into my journey, as I take the plunge, will motivate you to take some chances. We should not wish our life away, instead, let’s spend time doing the things that make our heart smile. During the process, consider giving fellow women an assist because the best way to build an invincible team is by empowering one another.

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Modern Families

Most recently, celebrities such as Gabrielle Union and Kim Kardashian among others are placing a spotlight on the various ways to build a family.

Women all over the world have been trying for years in private. Couples have looked at different options to start a brood of their own. There is no longer one way to do tbings. Celebrities are making it Play to be open about the modern family experience.

Read more on BeLatina.

“Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com”

*Photo credit TheABView Photography.