Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 31

Is the Concept of Monogamy Flawed?

Whether you are a man or woman who is married, dating, living with a partner or in love, this subject has been a topic of conversation at some point in your personal life. We can debate all sides of monogamy. We are not a polyamorous society by any means, living the complete opposite in our most intimate relationships. Couples are generally, expected to uphold the rules of monogamy. The norm is to take on a single partner when exclusivity is declared. Have you ever asked yourself whether it is a fair expectation? Are humans capable of eternal faithfulness to one mate? The answer depends on who you ask.

Growing up in a household where adultery has been the source of many arguments makes it difficult to have an unbiased opinion on the subject. My mother and father married young which may have contributed to his inconsistency. There’s no easy way to remove painful memories.  Acts of betrayal lead to insurmountable resentment creating scars that can take years to heal.

I’m not quite sure if it was an underlying lack of self-worth or all I knew but as a younger woman, I lacked an expectation of monogamy from partners. On the journey to womanhood, I learned to accept that although not practiced by everyone, loyalty is important to me and must be reciprocal. It is a choice I make every day in my relationship, as such I selected a partner that stands for the same ideal.

We can make the argument that humans are not born to mate with one partner forever. It is not our natural instinct to be monogamous. After all, there is a very small percentage of mammals known to form monogamous bonds. Why should we be the exception? Modern relationships are taking different shapes to accommodate human behavior. Could the reason for the growing number of couples engaging in open and polyamory relationships be a telling sign that we are not born to have a one-lifetime partner?

Others argue that sex has nothing to do with love. The body’s desire to satisfy a physical need is unrelated to the emotional attachment created with someone else. If you separate the physical from the emotional it may seem logical, even acceptable.  Planting this mindset is helpful when agreeing to a relationship where both partners have relations outside of each other. It is not for everyone but you have the right to live life on your terms.

There is no right or wrong answer, only what is best for you. We make individual choices that fit our lifestyle and suit our needs. Mostly, we try to make decisions we can handle within our lives. The idea of monogamy may seem flawed, especially, if you seek justification to support flaky or non-committal behavior. Although not suitable for all, the concept of exclusivity is practiced successfully by plenty of couples. I am a firm believer that different things work for different people.

If you choose monogamy because of the comfort, security, and trust it provides then celebrate it. There are benefits to mutually monogamous relationships that can range from discovering your partner’s most intimate preferences to worry-free relations not requiring regular STD testing.

As for myself, fidelity is powerful in itself. I choose to give my partner respect and stay true to him out of a promise of love and commitment. We are in a relationship because we want to be. Each of us appreciates the other’s expectation of monogamy.

Whatever beliefs you have about monogamy are personal. You get to decide what works in your relationship. I’d say, make sure it matches up to your partner’s and vice-versa.

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Thank You, You Are the Best!

Appreciation can come in a variety of ways. As a writer, I can only use my best words to try and express the immense gratitude felt from your support.

”A Journey to Becoming Your Best Self” was released on July 4th. I have received all the pics and posts from readers happy to get their new book in time for summer reading.

Thank you so much for the Follows, Likes, Comments and purchasing my first book! Your messages of support encourage me to continue sharing my journey to help push you to rise above the hardship and doubts you may have in your own life.

We are women, united on the same journey to a best self. Timing and paths are different but there is a common thread. Each one of us has personal struggles that challenge us mentally and emotionally. I truly believe by exchanging stories we empower one another.

Let’s work on inspiring other women to be better by doing better ourselves then sharing it forward.

Thank you readers all over the globe! Happy reading!

Remember to leave your reviews on Amazon.com Look forward to reading your feedback!

Thank you TheABView Photography for an amazing photo shoot.

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Best Piece of Advice You Will Ever Get

In less than one week it will all come full circle. The beginning of a new chaptter. A major part of the work that has been done up until this point will be seen. AW readers will have in their hands my first book.

Have you ever envisioned a goal or dream? Something so grand and amazing you don’t think you can pull it off? This book was the first vision of its kind for me. Through the years there were ideas that remained just that – a thought. This time the determination to follow through was relentless. The commitment to myself was greater than any pain or doubt encountered during the journey. The mission was to open a new door of limitless possibilities helping empower women everywhere along the way.

In 6 days, ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self” will arrive at your door. One of the best parts of bringing anything to fruition is letting your baby go, to see what it can do on its own. However, true wonder is basking in the knowledge you have accomplished what you set out to do. Now, you can plan for the next level of greatness. If I was able to get this done – what else can I achieve?

There are days insecurity taps me on the shoulder. Fear of failure knocks at my door to remind me that I am human. What do I do when any of these creep into my mind? I do not answer to either. The whisper of a scared little girl does not intimidate me anymore!

The best piece of advice I can offer men and women alike is to keep leveling up! Once you get the taste of accomplishment, reach for the next one, and the one after that because it is the place where you will find greatness. Becoming the best self has little to do with acquiring fame or wealth. It is about stepping up. Show up for yourself everyday because it pays off.

I hope you take this small piece of advice and run with it!

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The One Thing You Should You Never Do

“Having recently survived a 10-year relationship with a child in

tow, a new love was the farthest thing from my mind. The battle scars were still open flesh wounds that required healing. Friends expressed the best remedy in healing a broken heart by saying, “one nail drives out another nail.” Although it proves successful for some, it can complicate a number of matters in other areas. A broken heart leaves you vulnerable. It’s nice to have the attention but it opens you up to hurting others or yourself. ”

– Excerpt from “A Journey to Becoming the Best Self“

Always and forever doesn’t always work out. So, what do you do when the hurt is unbearable and it feels you’ll never get over the heartache? Therapy, self-help books, a girls trip to Las Vegas, a session of love songs, favorite ice cream while watching the best rom-com you can find? All of the above? Everyone has a different medicine to cure a broken heart. What you should not do is beat yourself up to the point of despair.

Love hurts like hell! When it does not work out. Whether you end it or your partner does, if love ruled your world, you are done! Sometimes pain can be so intense it throws your life off balance. We have to learn to accept there are people that will come into our lives to teach us something then go. Holding on to someone that is not good for you is a disservice. But how do you heal when you cannot shake the heartache?

Bandaids such as brief flings, self-medicating, self-pity or other unhealthy choices to eliminate the hurt will only put you in a deeper hole. Fooling yourself into thinking you can vanish feelings is a risky game. I tried to numb the bad emotions after my heartbreak without realizing I’d be crushing the good feelings too.

We do what we need to until we get to a place of healing. Time takes care of relieving partial wounds but we must help push it along by doing the work to make it better every day. Filling the void with a new name to forget only prolongs recovery. The funny thing about pain is, it requires confrontation. As scary, as it may be to look it in the eye, believing you are stronger than your fear will help you push through it.

You get over love in your own way but there are a few things to keep in mind during the process.

1. Acceptance: Embrace the end of the relationship. This can help you start thinking about what is next in your life.

2. Life Goes On: Facing this truth makes a world of difference. Whatever we are going through, it is crucial to remember having tomorrow provides an opportunity. Life will continue to move forward whether you are ready or not. Allow hurt to invade for a while. You have a right to feel the pain but not let it live inside your world indefinitely.

3. Love Yourself: Your universe changes when you create a web of self-love. It becomes a durable mesh protecting you from bringing in toxic people or situations into your life. It has taken me years to understand loving myself is the foundation for making sound decisions that will benefit me. It serves as a deterrent from allowing hurt of any kind to extinguish my light, permanently.

The one thing you should never do? Believe you will never find love again or your life is over. To the contrary, it is a new beginning. Once you find love within, no one can take your power away.

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Have You Lost Your Identity in a Relationship or Motherhood?

“Reclaiming my identity required I reboot. I wasn’t sure where to begin the process. But I knew the journey to my best self would include a set of questions and tasks to help untangle the mess I made of myself. I began with these 4 basic but essential steps setting the blocks for my rebuilding. It worked for me, maybe it will help you.”

– Excerpt from ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”

Losing your identity in a relationship is one of the easiest things to do as a woman. Falling in love and wanting to be the best partner can lead to putting our needs behind. As mothers and wives, it’s natural to have the desire to please those we love, unconditionally. There is no culpability to assign in the case. We do it out of love, dedication, and loyalty without ask. Happily relinquishing time, energy and independence to build homes, relationships, in addition to raising children.

Years ago, I too lost myself in marriage and motherhood. I feel grateful for having had a chance to experience an all-consuming love. Today, I have a better balancing act. The sacrifices of the past demonstrate my capacity to love. Although wonderful, it is no way to live an entire existence. I have learned nurturing the relationship with yourself is an integral part of wellness.

Losing my identity was not only frustrating. It became an inner struggle that I could not share with anyone. It felt as if I was on an island alone filled with shame. The inability to stand up for me led to temporary but constant sadness. I knew I had to get out of the cycle for my sake and that of my offspring. Being true to myself was the only way to get out of the sham I created over time. There was no blame to pass because I created the monster.

If you are battling with how to find yourself again after getting shuffled in the roles of life, there is good news. You can reclaim your identity at any point you decide you are ready. It is never too late to reinvent the wheel or come back home. The two most important things you should do to get started on this part of your journey? First, understand that you are not alone in what you are going through, this happens to more women than you can imagine. Let go of any embarrassing feelings and guilt because this is all part of the journey.

Secondly, we learn through living, therefore don’t be scared to feel. Try not to regret the things you have done. If there is something you want to do, now is a good time as any to give it a go! You find out who you are and what you are capable of, by trying. Make room for the activities, hobbies or possibilities available to you. You may be surprised by what you find out about yourself during this time.

Losing ourselves, whether in motherhood or a relationship does not have to be the end all. Fight for a balance in your life. You are a person your own person. A person worthy of happiness, there is much joy in being authentic. Loved ones should see you – really see you. More than mommy, spouse, wifey” or his bae, you are a woman.

Don’t be afraid to seek out the real you. As an empowered woman, you owe it to yourself to live out a true identity. She is in there – somewhere, go get her!

Protected content. 2019 awakened-woman.com

Photograph by The ABView Photography.

Are Red Flags Waving Across Your Lawn?

Courtships are meant to be a trial period. The dating period is used to get to know each other. It can be filled with butterflies and all kinds of possibilities. A woman is hopeful. If only for a moment she gets to live in the fantasy, she may have met “the one.”

You might be familiar with the classic hopeless romantic. The woman (or man, in some cases) who tries to turn a frog into a prince. I’m referring to the person who believes the smoke screens instead of seeing truth. Romanticizing a relationship, life or partner is a perilous game. Ignoring red flags at any point during a relationship will get you in trouble further down the road.

Human beings all want love but when it costs your personal safety, self-respect, or forces you to give up your identity – is it worth it? Whether it’s love or lust, both emotions can drown you in someone else’s shadow. Sometimes, enough that you won’t see red flags flapping in your face.

As a young woman with an intense desire to get my love of a lifetime, I too idealized a few of my relationships in the past. Red flags don’t exactly catch you off guard. You see them waving from afar. If you don’t, then your gut, intuition or sixth sense will nudge you. Ignoring the heart will get you a bat over the head to pay attention. It happened to me a handful of times until the lesson was learned. Do not ignore those red flags. They will show themselves as long as you are willing to open your eyes.

There are three red flags that stand out the most for me. Not exactly obvious but they’re signs to watch out for in any relationship. If you notice any number of them, tread lightly and really get to know your mate before falling head over heels.

Too Much, Too Soon! If your new love comes at you like a lightning bolt, maybe taking a step back would be wise. Slow and steady is better to learn about each other’s quirks, goals and simplest compatibility factors. When I was younger, I thought it best to strike while the iron is hot! Go fast and furious in love. The problem with that approach is the probability of a crash and burn increases as you go.
You are his – and His alone! When we are drunk in love, we may feel thrilled by a man’s jealous rants. “He loves me so much – of course, he doesn’t want me talking to anyone else!” Experience teaches you this is a sign of insecurity. Any man that tries to separate you from friends and family or people that love you is demonstrating his possessiveness. The idea that your life begins and ends with him should make you suspicious. It is no way to build a healthy foundation. You both need a circle of support outside of one another.
Man of Mystery – Sexy or Creepy? We all love a little mystery, it’s exciting and adventurous. However, a man who is secretive or lacks the ability to share can also be dark. It’s not quite as attractive as you might perceive it. He may be hiding a past or emotions you are not prepared to deal with – and you shouldn’t.

Everyone has baggage but you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own. Each person has to be accountable and walk their own journey.

There are other flags that are easier to spot. Good starting points to be leery of are men who have a severe lack of communication skills, volatile temper, mistrustful, extremely jealous, verbally or physically disrespectful or have unresolved issues with past relationships.

We aren’t perfect beings. No one is expected to be flawless but there are some boundaries that need to be respected in any relationship. A guy who seems too good to be true – usually is…

Remember these red flags next time you are having unexplainable doubts – there’s a reason for the way you are feeling. Trust yourself.

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When Was the Last Time You Did It?

The daily grind can sometimes drain the joy, positivity, energy and hope from our bodies. You can feel like the hamster on a wheel. It’s hard to get off the ride. Humdrum lives happen to everyone, often. It’s all part of normal life until it becomes a problem. The day we stop laughing out loud is a good time to re-evaluate.

Friday nights are usually uneventful. Recently, I was reminded of how important it is to laugh out loud, smile and do silly things to help remember the lighter side of life.

Last week, I went to drinks with girlfriends to celebrate a birthday. The pressures women face at any given time can get the best of us. Our main priority is to take care of our tribe. Forgetting we also need time to decompress. Are you guilty of doing the same?

There are days, I too, feel the exhaustion. Overwhelmed from the various roles I play in life. Working a full-time job then come home to work on AW and other writing projects. The few hours of sleep is only compensated by the passion for purpose – to spread empowerment by using my words.

The work does not leave much time to goof around or be silly. Time with friends is my reminder that I too, need re-fueling. Laughter is a needed medicine. It brightens up the soul to make life’s hardships more tolerable. Releasing energy while recycling it through a funnel of emotions. The expectation is that when you come out on the other side, you will feel better!

The everyday madness is constant. Work, chores, kids, undesirable commute and nonsense that comes with it. Much of what happens, we have little or no control over. The years strips our youth and stamina and there’s nothing we can do to change it. While life is happening, remember thar tomorrow is not promised. Take a moment to consider the gift you have to listen to a joke and laugh out loud, some people don’t have the luxury.

So, when waa the last time you laughed out loud?

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18 Days Until the Big Reveal!

A reveal is exciting, mysterious and fun! In 18 days, an unveiling will begin.

If you recall the feeling of anticipation from an upcoming birthday, special holiday, vacation, or date you’ve looked forward to then you can relate to the emotions in play. Most of us have experienced something similar during our lifetime. It can be hard to contain the thrill of knowing you will soon do something that will have you feeling great.

”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self” will be ready for you to see in weeks.

Soon readers will have in their hands a new book! Millions of books are released each year. You may question, what sets this read apart from the rest?

The journey, so far, has been a mixed bag of sweet and sour moments. Luckily, the wonder of life is that unknowingly, it places you on a unique path. The unraveling sets in motion an inquisition of sorts. The answers build a story as you go. Choices made along the way not only alter the storyline. Ultimately, the decisions you make lead to an ending that was designed just for you.

Average woman born and raised in the heart of New York City to Dominican parents. I have encountered love, heartbreak, loss of identity, financial woes, disappointment, and pain. However, each of these has helped me experience unimaginable personal growth. The beautiful moments have certainly outweighed the bad ones. I accept that hardships will continue to challenge my will but won’t force me into surrender or defeat.

Readers of AW come from a wide spectrum of socioeconomic levels, countries, ethnicities, religions, political and social views with varying life experiences. What do you and I have in common that will make you want to read this book?

I am the average woman trying to figure out relationships, finances, motherhood and career while still holding on to my identity for dear life! Same as you. Hopefully, reading about my journey will inspire you to carve your own path to becoming your best self.

Stay tuned for details on a LIVE launch book party!

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Magazine is Out!

We all hope for that one moment when we feel our efforts are paying off. Closing in on dreams or goals you’ve worked so hard for…. then it happens! The message of woman empowerment begins to sprout all over the world.

Today, the UNCHAIN magazine featured an article on AW and book, ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self” Pages 52-60 and 79 showcase the ongoing journey of an awakened-woman. The learning and growing never stops.

Hopefully, you will enjoy the read about a New York born Latina woman who dared herself to be great. Challeging ourselves at every corner of life is one of the best ways to evolve. Keep pushing forward. Never give up!

Read, Share, Tweet and Comment on the article all over social media to continue to further spread the message of empowerment!

Thank you for reading AW.

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2-Step Way to Digging Your Relationship Out of a Rut

Relationships have peaks and valleys as unique as the parties joined by such strong emotion. Phases of intoxicating love and devotion to irritable tolerance. Years or decades, assimilating to create a relationship that offers ideal stability. It’s a catch-22 to want the excitement of young love while working to build the security of a long term union. We face endless challenges during the construction of the perfect balance.

My longest relationship lasted almost 10 years. The emotional and physical reliability provided a security blanket of sorts. It was comforting to have familiarity. While some prefer to lose the safety net in the name of starting over, others remain in a struggle figuring out how to make it work. It isn’t always a clear cut decision to do away with a relationship when the problem is boredom or dissatisfaction. Couples have been known to rekindle the flames of love by taking extra measures to fix what’s broken. This particular issue is not black and white, as in matters of abuse, love loss or betrayal. Two people may care deeply for one another but not be in sync.

It is relatively normal for a couple to fall into a humdrum stage with a partner of many years. You get to know each other’s quirks, preferences, and aversions over a lengthy period. Sometimes you are able to read him like your favorite book. Routine becomes a major part of everyday life over time for all of us. Getting too settled often leaves lovers taking the relationship for granted.

Is your husband or boyfriend feeling more like a roommate, lately? Does it seem one or both of you has lost your groove? If any of these scenarios sound like your current reality, don’t fret! Many men and women are in a similar situation. As a woman, what do you do when it’s not working? If the foundation of love, respect, loyalty are solid in the relationship then you likely have your answer. In any relationship, there is give and take. Issues arise for each of the persons involved as they walk their own journey. Crossroads and changes are inevitable as a couple but some of the problems can be resolved with effort on both sides.

You should find an effective starting point while you look to dig the relationship out of its ditch. However, your partner must lend a hand to mutually work towards the goal of saving the relationship.

There are two key elements to get you back on track. Although, suggestions seem simple enough, for many couples it is a chore requiring extensive patience and effort. It can be difficult for some women to voice their lack of satisfaction. The hesitation can from fear of hurting a man’s pride or speaking up. In various cultures, women are taught to sit pretty – and quiet, stroking lovers’ egos. Learning to express your needs is more than okay, especially, if you do it in a constructive manner.

Communication: Initiate a dialogue that is productive. Assigning blame will not encourage either of you to let your guard down. It tends to have the opposite effect. The last thing you want is a defensive partner. A vulnerability has to set in, to allow each person to feel a certain level of safety. Opening up about how you’re feeling helps. Although I love the idea of mind readers, it’s an unlikely skill any partner will possess. Hopefully, showing your soft side can draw sufficient empathy to entice each of you to work on mending the rift.
Pay attention: A lot of trouble can come from neglect. Taking interest in your partner’s overall wellness includes asking about their day, thoughts and desires. Never assume you know everything, so there is nothing else to learn. We continue to evolve while in relationships. Men are known to have a tough time expressing themselves while women can be fooled into thinking they don’t have a voice or shouldn’t share too much. The combination leaves partners in a pickle! Neither of you will know there is a problem if both remain silent.

Digging the relationship out of a rut is possible but a commitment on both sides has to happen in order to push forward together. Sometimes, when we’re going through something we’re so focused on ourselves that we forget the other person. Putting yourselves in one another’s shoes can assist with understanding. What could you do more to raise the exchange of affection and sharing between the two, bringing you the togetherness you desire? You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, just learn to manage the changes.

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