Josh Gunderson's Blog, page 2

So Many Words, So Little Time

I can say for certain that one of my many pet peeves is when someone tells me I have the same amount of hours as some celebrity. We’ve all heard it before, especially when it comes to creative pursuits and telling you that you can accomplish so much because we all have the same amount of time. 

Sure, I have the same number of hours in the day as Elon Musk, Taylor Swift, and Oprah but I’m missing one essential thing in common with them- the number of zeros in my bank account.

Sure, I make a comfortable living and I can pay my way, but when it comes to creative pursuits, I find myself struggling. My workweek can be more than 40 hours and sometimes more than 5 days. I try my best to write when I can but sometimes I’m just too damn tired. 

Moreso, there are so many damn ideas in my head for stories and novels, that I can’t get to them all. Right now, as I’m writing this post, I have 10 novels in progress. Yeah, you read that write, in progress. Not just outlined or a dream in my head, they’re in progress. One of them is part of a planned trilogy and another has potential to go on to be a series of five or more books. On top of that I’m editing and revising a collection of short stories. Then add in my two completed novels and I just want to cry.

Frankly, I’d really like to know where all of this creativity was during the pandemic when I was unemployed for the better part of a year. I can only imagine what I would get accomplished if I had a year to do nothing but create. 

I’m not gonna sit and be mad that I wasn’t more creative during the pandemic. I was so damn depressed. I can say that I started writing my first novel during that time. It took nearly two years to complete but once I was done and knew that I could do it, I exploded with ideas. So many possibilities and new worlds just waiting to be discovered and created.

But it all comes down to time. I do my absolute best to make time but lately I’m just constantly tired and life has been less than stellar as of late. So rather than creating, I’m out here just trying to survive. 

I really don’t know what I’m saying. Maybe I need to take my chances on the lottery and hope that I win big. Or find a publisher that wants one of my books and then many more so they give me money to do nothing but write. I’d say sugar daddy but I feel like I’d be a bad sugar baby. 

I supposed I could wait for the next global lockdown but it feels like a total apocalypse is the most-likely scenario at this point.

I’m watching Alien: Covenant as I write this and I’m finding myself a bit jealous of David for having ten years in isolation on this planet when all he had to do was create. Granted, he spent that time working on a way to wipe out all of humanity but at least he was able to work towards his dream and we love him for it.

I guess we shall see what the future brings… and let’s hope it brings that same 24 hours that Taylor Swift has.

Or, even like, $500,000.

I’m not asking for much.

Take Me to the Aquarium and Call Me Pretty

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that for about ten years, I spent a great deal of time on the road as an educational consultant. It was a job that I deeply loved and had an absolute blast. It gave me a chance to spread a positive message and make a difference. At the same time, it afforded me the opportunity to see the country and visit places I never would have thought to go to on my own. 

The job did have its ups and downs for sure but I really did love it and, at times, miss it. (LISTEN TO: Silent Stages: Josh’s Exit From Educational Speaking)

One of the things I truly loved to do when I was traveling was visiting different zoos and aquariums. I’ve always loved animals, and zoos and aquariums are my happy place. There’s a sense of tranquility that washes over me as I watch fish glide gracefully through the water or observe animals in their carefully crafted habitats. It’s a reminder of the incredible diversity and beauty of life on our planet. Honestly, I could spend all day just soaking it all in.

Back in June, a friend invited me along as a plus one to a wedding in Denver and I thought, “why not?” It was not only a chance to get away for a weekend, but also pay a visit to my sister who lived in Colorado Springs. That, and I absolutely love both the Denver Aquarium and the Denver Zoo. So, despite having no idea who the bride and groom were, I agreed to go.

I will be honest, I turn into an absolute nerd upon entering any zoological establishment. My time as an educational volunteer at the New England Aquarium has gifted me with an obscene amount of knowledge that I have no choice but to share with anyone within earshot. Mating habits of Lobsters? Immortal jellyfish? Why are dolphins assholes? You’re going to hear all about it.

My two absolute favorite things about the Denver Aquarium are the “flash flood” exhibit which simulates the extreme forces of a flash flood and is amazing to watch, and the fact that there are two tigers in the aquarium.

You read that right. They have tigers.

Who doesn’t love an aquarium that has tigers? Also chonky snapping turtles. 

If I had the energy of a young person, I would have created a TikTok that rated the chonkiness of different animals in the aquarium but I don’t fully understand TikTok and I don’t have the attention span for making them.

The moral of the story is, I absolutely loved spending time in the aquarium. If anyone ever wants to spend time listening to me spew random ocean animal facts to them, just let me know. I’m game to go stare at some fish.

Actually that might be my new litmus test. Survive a date with me at a zoo or an aquarium and that’s how I know it’s going to last. Would that be a fun date? Shockingly, I’ve never had a date at an aquarium.

I just had a random memory pop into my head. Once, when I was working at the aquarium in Boston, I met this devastatingly handsome Australian guy on the T (Boston’s subway) and flirted it up hard, letting him know I worked at the aquarium. I, rather boldly, gave him my number and invited him to come visit me at work- WHICH HE DID.

Absolutely nothing came of it because my boldness ended there.

One of the many reasons why I don’t ask people out anymore, because it never goes well.

Moral of the story is, if you want to take me on a date, invite me to an aquarium… I guess.

I don’t know.

I’m terrible at this.

Being a LOST Fan Prepared Me to Be a Swiftie (Hear Me Out On This)

Go into this post with an open mind- I’m sleep deprived and possibly going insane. It’s yet to be determined.

So, when I was writing my last post about re-watching LOST, I said something that got my mind spinning. I talked about how much fun it was to decode different parts of the show and dive into the little easter eggs of it. 

Then I realized something- being a LOST fan is a whole hell of a lot like being a Swiftie.

If you’ve ever fallen down the rabbit hole of being a fan of something (or someone), you know the exhilarating, sometimes obsessive nature of fandom. I’ve found myself deeply entrenched in two wildly different, yet oddly similar worlds: the mind-bending universe of LOST and the lyrical labyrinth of Taylor Swift. So, let’s break it down—what’s it like to be a fan of LOST compared to being a Swiftie?

The Initial Hook

LOST: From the moment Oceanic Flight 815 crashed onto that island, I was hooked. The pilot episode grabbed me by the collar and didn’t let go. Polar bears in the jungle, a smoke monster, and the ever-elusive “Others”—each episode added another layer to the mystery.

TAYLOR SWIFT: While Taylor Swift’s first single was “Tim McGraw”, it was actually “Teardrops on My Guitar” that was my first introduction to her (to be transparent, it was the pop version which was playing on the MUZAK station at work). This introduced me to a young, curly-haired girl with a guitar and a knack for storytelling. I will admit that I wasn’t always a Swiftie from the beginning, but over time she won me over and her song have been a part of the soundtrack of my life.

The Community

LOST: Being part of the LOST fandom meant being part of a community of like-minded sleuths. Whether online or at fan conventions, there was a sense of camaraderie and shared obsession. The show may have ended, but the connections we made endure.

TAYLOR SWIFT: Swifties are a passionate and supportive bunch. From online fan clubs to Swift-themed parties, there’s a strong sense of community. We celebrate her successes, defend her against haters, and bond over our mutual love for her music. And let’s not forget the collective excitement of album release nights!

Emotional Roller Coaster

LOST: This show took us on an emotional journey like no other. We mourned the deaths of beloved characters (still not over Charlie), cheered for reunions (Desmond and Penny, anyone?), and gasped at plot twists. The emotional stakes were high, and we were all in.

TAYLOR SWIFT: Taylor’s music has been the soundtrack to our highs and lows. We’ve cried to “Last Kiss,” screamed along to “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” and felt the catharsis of “Clean.” Her ability to articulate our feelings makes her music deeply personal and profoundly impactful. Her album “Red” became the soundtrack to one of my most painful breakups and it helped a whole damn lot (don’t judge me).

The Easter Eggs, The Theories, The Speculations

LOST: Ah, the theories. We spent countless hours debating what was in the hatch, the significance of the numbers, and whether the island was purgatory. Forums and fan sites were abuzz with speculation, making every episode feel like a puzzle piece in an ever-expanding mystery.

TAYLOR SWIFT: Swifties are no strangers to theories either. From decoding Easter eggs in her music videos to analyzing her lyrics for hidden messages about her personal life, the Taylor Swift fandom is just as intense. Remember the frenzy over the “All Too Well” short film? Or the deep dive into the meaning of the scarf? I will admit that I am notorious for coming up with theories for when we’ll finally get Reputation (Taylor’s Version). I talk about it a lot on my podcast. (LISTEN TO: Decoding Taylor Swift). And every time I’m wrong (which is a lot), it isn’t long before a new theory comes to mind.

The Endings

LOST: The series finale of LOST was divisive, to say the least. Some fans felt satisfied with the emotional resolution, while others were frustrated by the unanswered questions. Regardless, it was an ending that sparked endless debate and discussion.

TAYLOR SWIFT: Taylor’s story is far from over. Each new album is a fresh beginning, with fans eagerly anticipating where she’ll take us next. The narrative is ongoing, and we’re here for the ride, ready to decode every lyric and relish every melody.

Being a fan of LOST and Taylor Swift may seem like two vastly different experiences, but they share a common thread: passionate engagement. Whether we’re unraveling the mysteries of an island or the intricacies of a song, the joy of being part of a fandom lies in the shared journey. So here’s to the theories, the emotions, and the community. 

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

So, is it just me? Is there a crossover between LOST fans and Swifties or am I alone in the universe? Is Taylor Swift a LOST fan? OMG, now I need to know. Can someone ask her for me?

LOST Is Back On Netflix (So Don’t Talk to Me For a While)

There has never been a more divisive topic of conversation in my life than the show LOST. I’m fairly certain that every person that has ever watched it will come back out the other end with a wildly different opinion about what they just watched. 

Given that I’m a sucker for a good re-watched and it’s been a good amount of time since I’ve seen it so I figured it was time. As I’m writing this, I’m on the final episode of the first season and I’m honestly just as giddy as the first time I watched it.

The moment I started the first episode I was transported back. I will be honest that I was late to the game when it came to watching the show. I had heard a bunch about it here and there while the first season was airing but it was my first year of college so I was a bit preoccupied with that. For some reason when the first season was released on DVD, I decided to snag it up.

Don’t ask me why my memory works like this but it was a Saturday night when I began watching it. I watched the first two episodes that night and was hooked but needed to stop myself from falling too far down the rabbit hole because I had to work at 6:30 in the morning.

Needless to say, I was a fan. I ended up making it a point to watch it every week when season 2 picked up a few weeks later. I think it was the last time a TV show really connected me with people. A co-worker and I were hooked and talked about it constantly. Swapping theories and insights. Eventually, I met people at school who were watching too and we became a cult.

The show was so much fun to try and decode and argue about. Right up until the end, and even now, 14 years after the finale aired, my friends and I were arguing about what it all meant. There are actually still people I can’t mention the show to because our opinions are so wildly different that we will get into a fight over it.

I honestly can’t think of a show since then that has done the same. Sure, House of the Dragon and Game of Thrones has come close but not quite- there was source material, LOST had nothing.

The moral of the story is, I’ll be sitting here re-watching all of it if anyone needs me. Anyone else doing a re-watch? Let me know! I’m sure I’m not done talking about it.

The Unhinged Ramblings of a Third Grader; or, My Journey to Becoming a Writer

Every once and a while I remember that Twitter/X exists and I show up like the drunk uncle on Christmas and unleash an onslaught of nonsense only to disappear into the abyss only to resurface at the next major holiday.

Last week was an event called QuestPit, a writer’s hype event where writers come together to share completed works, works in progress, and more with the rest of the writing community. Agents and Publishers get in on the fun and use it as almost a speed dating query session where, if they like what you pitched, it’s an invite to send a query. It was super heart-warming to see so many authors get a “like” from an agent. I wasn’t as lucky, but I still had a blast.

It was during all of the chaos of preparing and participating in QuestPit that a random memory popped into the traumatized blackhole of my mind. It was my earliest memory of wanting to be a writer. Well, I’m not sure if I knew at the time it’s what I wanted, but my earliest showing for the passion of creating unbridled chaos. 

We can blame it all on my third grade teacher, Mr. McConnell. More specifically, we can blame it on whatever English Language textbooks were being used at Monterey Road Elementary School in Atascadero, CA in the early 90’s. (I’m only getting that specific because I think it’d be super funny if someone could find one). 

We were assigned a writing exercise from the book and there were a handful of prompts to choose. Naturally, my twisted little mind gravitated to the most unhinged one possible, “My Talking Clock Takes Over.”

As someone who was exposed to horror movies at probably too young an age (let’s not dig too deep on that one… I’m probably fine), I just had to go with the scariest sounding prompt possible. I can’t remember but I might have been the only one in the class that chose it, either that or I was the only one that got way too into it. What was supposed to be a one-page story (and remember, this was 3rd grade so one page is like… twenty words?) turned into an epic adventure with the most evil talking clock you’d ever meet.

When I tell you this story went wild, I really mean it. From what I remember, our narrator was given a talking clock at his birthday party by the least popular member of his class who his mom forced him to invite. It was a sleepover party but the unpopular kid didn’t stay. As soon as he left our narrator destroyed the clock.. You know, like an asshole.

I really wish I still had those pages (oh yes, there were many pages complete with illustrations if I remember correctly) as I think it would be fun to cringe over and then ultimately share on the internet. Alas, they have gone the way of the dodo.

That was just the beginning of my creative escapades. Fast forward to sixth grade, and I decided that what the world really needed was a trilogy of fluffy pens from outer space that take over a school for some reason. I honestly have no idea where that one came from, I don’t recall any writing assignments to that effect but I do remember that fluff pens were all the rage thanks to Clueless.

I wasn’t done, not by a longshot. Between sixth grade and my freshmen year, I’d also had ideas for a full on book series (or two). There was one called Junior FBI about a group of teenagers that were FBI agents and Time Killers about a group of teens who accidentally invite time travel and, naturally, shenanigans ensue.

As I sit here having completed two novels with more on the way, I can’t help but think about that deranged little third grader and that evil talking clock. I hope I make them proud.

There’s likely a lot more pitching and querying and frustrations and crazy tweets to come but for now… well now I’m thinking about whether it’d be a fun idea to revisit that evil talking clock…

Let this be a lesson for all I suppose, keep dreaming, keep writing, and embrace your inner unhinged third grader.

Justin Timberlake Forget Tomorrow Tour Review: The Good, The Bad, The Disappointing

I’ve officially (kinda) entered my “Get Out of the House” Era. I’m honestly trying to get out more and do more things that don’t involve sitting in bed or on the couch all day. Today is not the best example but, in my defense, it is storming outside so sitting in bed and watching LOST all day is the most ideal thing possible.

Back on June 14th, I had the opportunity to see Justin Timberlake in concert for his Forget Tomorrow World Tour. I was given the tickets by someone who had won them but couldn’t go to the show. I figured “why not,” NSync had been my first ever concert back in the day so seeing Justin Timberlake seemed like a fun, nostalgic thing to do.

After wrapping up work on Friday, my friend Victoria and I headed out to Tampa for some fun and (mis)adventures. We had decided to spend the entire weekend in Tampa and hit Busch Gardens on Saturday after the show since Victoria has been begging me to go forever. If I’m going to trek to Tampa, I’m gonna make it worth it, damnit! Plus I wanted an idea where the cruise ports were since my next few cruises will be out of Tampa (get your act together Port Canaveral, why are your cruises so expensive?).

We checked into our hotel and went about getting ready for the show. We were both concert ready and looking amazing… you’ll have to take my word for it because, in true Josh fashion, I took zero photos. We were ready to hit the town when mother nature had other plans and dumped a damn monsoon onto the city. Our plan to walk to the arena was temporarily halted.

Plan B? Hotel bar.

We cozied up to some drinks and, as luck would have it, made fast friends with two women who were also heading to the concert. It was a lucky find because I was freaking out because I couldn’t find any information about whether Justin had an opening act or not. One of our new friends told us that he normally has a DJ playing before the show. A random guy overheard us and said that his sister saw the show in Atlanta and that the DJ played for about an hour which meant that we had time to wait out the storm (drink).

The rain came to a stop and our ragtag little group began to make our way to the arena for a night of insanity. The crowd was a fascinating mix- much more diverse than I had anticipated. I had expected to see a sea of millennials, but there were plenty of younger folks and some older. Who knew JT had such a wide appeal, especially since everyone I told I was going to the concert had the same reaction- He’s still doing stuff?

Because of the downpour and the knowledge that we had some time, we didn’t get into the arena until about 7:45. We parted ways with our new friends and set about finding our seats. Once we had our bearings we did the only thing that seemed logical- find the bar. After dropping an OBSCENE amount of money on our drinks, we found our seats. 

8:30 came and went and the DJ was still playing. Okay. No problem. BACK TO THE BAR TO SPEND MORE MONEY!

Then 9:00 came and went. Still with the DJ. 

By 9:30, I was starting to lose hope that we were ever going to get a concert. Just as I was starting to wonder if we had all been tricked into a very elaborate timeshare presentation, Justin decided to grace us with his presence. 

The presentation of the entire concert was a massive letdown. From our seats, we could barely see anything at all. Yes, we could see the stage and see that things were happening on the stage but that was about it. The giant screens that made up the back wall of the stage only showed pre-arranged visuals instead of a live feed of the stage. For all I know, there could have been three raccoons in a trench coat down there performing.

It honestly felt like Justin was just going through the motions, following a script rather than being present in the moment and engaging with the audience aside from the typical “hey Tampa, how are we doing tonight?” Not great Justin! It’s past my bedtime and it really doesn’t feel like you want to be here.

The energy from the stage was completely off, and it seemed like the magic just wasn’t there. I found myself longing for the spontaneity and fun that make live shows so special. Even Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour for being the behemoth that it is, still has so much more heart. AND people are constantly proclaiming there isn’t a bad seat in the house for her shows… because they use the damn screens.

I will, however, give credit where credit is due: the production design was pretty cool. There was this rather impressive monolith-looking box (I’m assuming it was on hiatus from randomly showing up in deserts) that floated all over the place during the show.

And in a grand finale, it rose up with what I assume was Justin flying on top of it (still could have been raccoons). It was pretty cool to see, even if the overall show left so much to be desired.

And now, with hindsight, the lack of a quality performance makes more sense. Just a couple of days later, Justin was arrested for DWI and was found to have a multitude of other substances in his system. I honestly feel bad for the people who actually paid for their tickets. Granted, they probably had a better view, but the show was seriously lacking in heart. I’m assuming sales weren’t that great because it seemed like everyone around us had received free tickets.

Early reviews of the concert seem to paint the show in a positive light, so it’s hard to believe we were watching the same performance. It just goes to show that sometimes, what’s happening behind the scenes can impact the magic on stage.

In the end, I’d give the concert a 3 out of 10. Truly disappointing for an artist of Justin Timberlake’s caliber. But hey, not every adventure can be a home run. Despite the letdown, I’m glad I went. I got to spend a fantastic evening with Victoria, met some new friends, and had a weekend full of laughs and stories to tell.

Comedy as Catharsis: The Impact of Daniel Sloss’ “X”

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault

Apparently it’s weird to some people that I found solace in a comedy special based on some “feedback” I received on my last post. I have to admit, I’m sure Daniel found it strange as well when I blurted out that “X” saved me. I could just chalk it up to “everyone’s journey is different and my path is weird so leave me alone” but where’s the fun in that? Instead, I’ll do my best to explain just why a comedy special meant so much to me.

Surviving sexual assault is an experience that shakes you to your core. It’s an unspeakable trauma, one that leaves you grappling with a torrent of emotions—pain, anger, confusion, and, often, a profound sense of isolation. I have spent years in a silent struggle, feeling like a solitary warrior in a battle no one else could understand. Then, one evening, I stumbled upon Daniel Sloss’ comedy special “X,” and something shifted within me.

At first glance, a comedy special might seem like an odd place to find solace. After all, laughter is often seen as the antithesis of pain. But as I watched Daniel Sloss on the stage, I quickly realized that his brand of humor was different. It was raw, unfiltered, and unapologetically real. Sloss delves into topics that many comedians shy away from, including the harrowing realities of sexual assault. For the first time, I saw my own experiences reflected in a way that didn’t diminish their gravity but rather acknowledged their weight and complexity.

In “X,” Sloss speaks candidly about the impact of sexual assault, not just on the survivors, but on everyone around them. He does this with a blend of sharp wit and deep empathy that makes you feel seen and heard. His words are a powerful reminder that humor can be a form of resistance—a way to reclaim power over your own narrative. Watching him, I felt an unexpected sense of camaraderie. Here was someone using their platform to shine a light on the darkness, to break the silence that so often surrounds these conversations.

One of the most profound moments in “X” is when Sloss talks about the importance of believing survivors. His assertion that we must listen to and support those who come forward resonated deeply with me. For too long, I had felt silenced by doubt and fear, both my own and that of others. Hearing Sloss champion the cause of believing survivors was a cathartic experience. It validated my truth and reminded me that my story mattered.

Sloss also challenges the societal norms that perpetuate rape culture. His fearless critique of toxic masculinity and the bystander effect is both a call to action and a beacon of hope. He encourages his audience to be better allies, to stand up against injustice, and to foster a culture of accountability and respect. This was a revelation for me. It highlighted the importance of community in the healing process and underscored the idea that change starts with each of us.

In the wake of watching “X,” I found myself feeling a renewed sense of strength. Sloss’ humor, laced with honesty and conviction, provided a much-needed release. It allowed me to confront my trauma in a way that was both empowering and transformative. I began to see laughter not as a means of escaping pain, but as a way to process it, to take control of it, and ultimately, to heal from it.

Daniel Sloss’ “X” is more than just a comedy special—it’s a poignant exploration of human vulnerability and resilience. For survivors of sexual assault like myself, it serves as a reminder that we are not alone, that our stories are important, and that healing is possible. It taught me that finding my voice, even through laughter, is a powerful act of reclaiming my power.

So, if you find yourself in the throes of pain and looking for a way to navigate through it, I urge you to watch “X.” Allow yourself to laugh, to cry, to feel every emotion it stirs within you. Let it be a step in your journey towards healing. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Daniel Sloss, it’s that sometimes, the most profound moments of clarity and healing can come from the most unexpected places.

I Actually Left the House (and Only Cried Twice)

I’ll be honest that the biggest reason I haven’t been blogging as much lately is because I have become such an absolute homebody that nothing that’s happening around me seems interesting enough to share. Then when something does happen worth writing about, I don’t have the energy to sit and write about it. I’ll be completely honest, I’m forcing myself to write this right now because I actually miss blogging.

I guess the moral of the story is, I’ve been incredibly depressed over the past few months and I’ve had a hard time getting myself out and about or even doing the things I enjoy, like writing.

I will say that I have returned to the wonderful world of podcasting this year! The Millennial Agenda is back and we’ve been having a lot of fun with it. It does take up quite a bit of time which also explains my absence (not really, but it sounded good so it’s staying in the post).

I have been trying very hard to get myself out of the house more. Back in February I dragged myself to Universal Studio (on a Saturday!) to see All American Rejects and it was a lot of fun, though the day wasn’t without its weird hiccups. (Listen in: Mardi Gras Mayhem, Dirty Little Secret: Josh’s All-American Reject Recap).

Needless to say, I have actually been trying to get out of the house more. It’s not going well but I’m trying and I feel like that counts for something.

It might have taken a couple more months but I ended up going out again. I might have had to force myself but, again, thought that counts.

I was randomly scrolling through the website for the Dr. Phillips Center and saw that Daniel Sloss was coming to town. I’ve been a fan of his since I stumbled on his special “X” on HBO. It was incredibly profound and was up there with Hannah Gadsby’s “Nanette” with how it touched me. His “Live Shows” on Netflix are also a good time!

I ended up buying two tickets with no real plan from there as to who I was going with. You know. Like you do.

I was able to convince a friend from work to go with me and off we were! I’m normally not great in unfamiliar situations but we managed to get parked and find a place to have dinner with no problem. The best part was parking, the restaurant and the theater were all within walking distance to each other. It actually gave me the confidence to try to do more things at Dr. Phillips.

Moreso, we got VIP status which was a lot of fun.

The show was an absolute blast and afterwards we got to meet and take photos with Daniel. I ended up getting emotional meeting him because of how much his specials meant to me. I didn’t fully cry but I came damn close (I’m truing to save face, ya boy shed a tear or several).

We had a great time and I’m looking forward to getting out of the house more. Or actually having people over… I’ve lived here for almost a year and haven’t had actual company aside from some quick pop-ins and some workers because being a homeowner is fun.

I’m getting there. I feel like I’m in the next phase of my life and trying to figure out who I am again…

Holy shit, is this my mid-life crisis?

I Went Outside in Florida and Wasn’t Eaten By An Alligator (Not For Lack of Trying)

This story begins with an absolutely hideous bush. Specifically, an absolutely hideous bush that lived in front of my house. I can’t fully explain why, but I hate this bush. I’ve hated it since I bought the house but I didn’t have the energy to actually deal with it until recently. For over a month now, my normal lawn guy has been putting off doing it forever and eventually passed the job off to someone else to deal with. I’m slightly annoyed but I wanted the damn thing gone. 

Here is the bush in question:

I was skeptical that the job was actually going to happen so I didn’t think much of it when the app that I use for my lawn care listed the job as happening. Needless to say, I was shocked when I got the notification that someone was on their way.

Naturally, I immediately jumped out of bed, got dressed and left the house. I wasn’t sure where I was going so I grabbed my book and left the house. I ended up driving a couple minutes down the road to a nearby lake and found a nice bench to enjoy the view.

It was all fun and games until I looked closer at the water. It turns out I wasn’t alone.

LOOK AT THAT CHONKER!

Apparently he has a name but I’ve already forgotten it. A gentleman that apparently frequents the benches by the lake, made a point to point out Chonky to anyone who passed by. He said that the same gator hangs out in this general area all the time.

This isn’t an unusual sight for me and, believe it or not, I actually kind of enjoy it. Each morning I cross over the Lake Jessup bridge (the same bridge that tried to kill me with a fish). Lake Jessup being one of the most populated lakes in Florida when it comes to alligators. On calm mornings, I can usually spot a few gators floating on the surface of the water.

My sister finds it wildly unsettling that I live just a few miles away from this lake but I think it’s funny. I’d like to say that the chances of a gator actually showing up in my yard any time soon is slim, but this is Florida so the odds are never 0%. All it takes is one good hurricane to go chucking gators all over the place.

Anyway. The bush is gone now.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the roots that the landscaper decided to make my problem?

Solo at Sea: A Comedy of Buffets, Books, and Bon Voyage

When conducting a job interview, I tend to ask strange and unexpected questions. I remember one time I asked a job candidate what their worst enemy would say about them and it threw everyone in the room off their game. I remember my coworker doing a slow burn look of confusion towards me. 

I was dead serious. I wanted to know. I’ve also asked candidates if they would ever go to a movie by themselves. Those answers are always very interesting because most of the time there is the same confusion followed by a stammered answer. Sure, I’m asking for my own amusement but it also says a lot about a person.

I spent over a decade through my twenties and into my thirties traveling by myself for work. When I could, I would bring friends along but most of the time I was solo. I realized very quickly that if I didn’t want to die of boredom in my hotel room, I had to get out and do stuff and get over the feelings of weirdness of being alone.

Turns out the only person that found it weird was me and I got over that real quick.

Soon enough I was exploring zoos and aquariums alone, eating out at restaurants, and going to the movies and theme parks- all alone! With each hurdle, it became easier and easier to go at it alone. (There’s probably some part of psychology that says this isn’t the accomplishment that I think it is and as a result I’ll die alone– but let’s focus on the positive here people.)

The point is. I just got back from my 5th (yes 5th!) solo cruise. I remember back in September 2022 when I went on my first solo and thought it was going to be weird as hell but it turns out that I absolutely love it. The only slightly awkward time was at dinner when my server kept confirming that I was dining alone and expecting no one else to join me.

Yeah, bro. I’m gonna eat my meal and read my book and silently judge the family next to me because clearly the father is a serial killer and their “daughter” is a figment of their imagination who doesn’t actually exist and their son is a vampire.

Let me just say that the people-watching on this trip was just perfection and it was the most unhinged group of people anyone could have asked to travel with.

My favorite place on a Royal Caribbean ship is the Schooner Bar where, most nights, a piano player is there playing songs and taking requests. This is usually where I end up meeting people to chat with because they end up using the seats around me.

My favorite moment was on night 3 when this (hopefully) drunk guy was standing uncomfortably close to the piano and was attempting to conduct the crowd? I’m not entirely sure but we all had a ton of questions… which I obviously asked once the evening had ended.

Turns out he was a crazy person and no one knew who he was, including the piano player.

Funny part- we never saw him again. I assume he was a collective hallucination brought on by the drink package.

The internet will be proud of me for giving the LGBT mixer another chance. Truth be told, when I went on my January cruise in 2023 I did go to the mixer but ended up getting accosted by a bachelorette party and escaped to the safety of the Schooner Bar.

I figured I’d give it a go since the show I wanted to go to wasn’t until later in the evening so I hunkered down at the bar and waited for all the mixing. At one point, a couple I had seen earlier in the day came and stood next to me at the bar to order their drinks. I figured they were there for the mixer so I shifted my seat so they could sit at the bar next to me.

And then they got their drinks and left.

So that was totally fun.

OFF TO THE SCHOONER BAR FOR ME!

The moral of the story is that, if you find yourself on a Royal Caribbean ship and need somewhere to go. Schooner Bar is always the answer.

So that’s the quick rundown of the nonsense that ensued. Sure there is more but I have to keep you in suspense… for no real reason.

K. Bye!