Josh Gunderson's Blog, page 6

BOAT! BOAT! BOAT! I’M ON A BOAT!

Let us flash back January 15, 2020 when I had a complete mental breakdown and booked a cruise to “celebrate*” my 35th birthday. I was pumped and wouldn’t shut up about it. I even wrote a post about how much I was planning to be as obnoxious as possible about it. Nothing is worse than I am after I’ve booked a cruise.

Then the pandemic started rolling in and instead of a cruise vacation, all I could see was a giant question mark. And then that question mark became a giant X and it was all over. No cruise for me.

Initially I had taken the future cruise credits over a refund because I had hope that I’d be back at life in no time. And then the shutdowns began and I needed the money more than I needed a future cruise.

It would be over a year before cruising resumed and about ten months after than before I would be setting sail again.

This was all just a long-winded way of saying that the reason y’all didn’t get an update last week is because I was on a cruise.

I cracked a couple months ago and decided that I needed a reset. Things haven’t been the greatest and getting out of town seemed like the best idea. It didn’t quite work but it was a start.

A story for another time.

The point is- two years after I was supposed to celebrate my birthday at sea, I finally was able to do so.

*Oh, I should note that the reason I put celebrate in quotes is more because I’m really over the idea of birthdays. Not because I’m bummed about getting older but more because I find the concept of a big commotion about it exhausting.

FUN FACT: My first cruise was for my 30th birthday and it was on Royal Caribbean’s Independence of the Seas. Now, seven years later, I celebrated my 37th birthday on the same ship. This is actually the same ship I would have been on for my 35th but, again, pandemic.

Not gonna lie, it was good to be back. We had The Key which is basically Royal Caribbean’s fast pass so we were among the first people to board the ship. The process was a breeze. From parking to stepping on board the ship was about 15 minutes.

The biggest stress was getting COVID tested prior to boarding the making sure the results came in time. I ended up getting two tests done since I was afraid I would not have the results from the first in time to set sail.

But there was nothing to worry about.

True to cruise tradition, I snagged a Smoky Rita as my first drink back. That would be my only one for this trip but it was damn good and I nearly cried drinking it.

I don’t think I ever wrote about it but I had discovered back in 2019 on that cruise that I was allergic to tequila. Nothing that will kill me but I end up breaking out in hives if I have too much, so I limit my intake.  Bit of a bummer since I love margaritas but such is life.

It was a pretty low-key first night if I’m being honest. I’m a wildly boring person and all I wanted from this trip was the chance to relax and recharge.

After dinner we did take in the ice skating show “Freeze Frame” which was a lot of fun while being WILDLY anxiety producing. I can barely walk without tripping over my feet so watching some of the things the performers were doing on ice skates blew my mind and had me freaking out that someone was going to die.

I believe that’s the sign of a good show. Some say “leave your audience wanting more” while these performers said, “leave Josh with mild cardiac episodes.”

Bravo/a to all!

I have more stories to tell but I wanted to leave y’all wanting more… and I didn’t want this post to be too long. So here’s some photos from the show!

The Nice Man in a Lab Coat Offered Me Drugs and I Said Yes

We live in weird times.

I suppose after over two years of a global pandemic, that really goes without saying. Add in the fact that I live in Florida and really, I should see this as all perfectly normal. Hell, there were people marching and waving Nazi flags down the street from my house yesterday. And this wasn’t the first time that had happened in the past few months and, sadly, it won’t be the last.

Please don’t even try to hit me with “well if you hate it some much, why don’t you leave” because that isn’t an option or a solution and that’s a rant for another time.

The weirdness I’m referring to came yesterday during a trip to my local CVS.

Weirdly, I don’t find myself in CVS all that often and it’s usually because I’m travelling and I forgot something. Last time I went to CVS was in New Hampshire because I forgot deodorant and was about to go speak in front of a bunch of middle schoolers.

Not a good time to smell.

Anyway, the point is, I was in CVS yesterday and while I was looking at allergy medicine (because Florida seems to want me to stop breathing) the pharmacist approached me and asked if I had been vaccinated.

Not the best pick-up line but who am I to judge?

I let him know that I had, indeed, been vaccinated and boosted. Matter of fact, this was the same pharmacist that had given me my booster back in November and I was a little insulted he didn’t remember me. It had only been six months and you’d think he’d remember jabbing needles into my arm! (I also got my flu shot at the same time… it was my first every flu shot. Coupled with a COVID booster… so that was a lot of fun…)

He asked which vaccine I had received (#TeamPfizer) and if I was interested in a booster.

Again, not the best pick-up line but beggars can’t be choosers.

I didn’t have a lot going on yesterday so I figured, why the hell not. My vaccine card was in my car so I went and grabbed in and joined the nice man in the lab coat in the little jabby room. I was a little hurt that he saw his own handwriting on the card and made no comment, like our time together meant nothing to him.

He jabbed my arm and told me to hang around for 15 minutes in case I died, and then I went about my day.

I decided at that point that if there ever was an excuse to be lazy for the rest of the day, this was it. I never had bad side effects from the shots but my body wasn’t a fan of them either. My first booster (coupled with the flu shot) let me feeling sluggish and feverish for the better part of a week and I’m not sure whose fault it was.

I grabbed lunch and went home feeling pretty okay. I ended up sitting in bed and watching TV for a bit, feeling pretty okay. It wasn’t until after a couple hours that I stood up to go to the bathroom that I started to feel dizzy.

The dizziness stuck with me through most of the night along with an on again/off again fever. So it turned into a nice night of hydrating and watching movies.

I really have no complaints.

So that’s the story of how I got my second booster shot.

I’m heading out on a cruise in a few days so I’m not mad about the extra, extra protection. I’ve made it this long without catching COVID so might as well keep the streak going.

I guess the moral of the story is that, sometimes, it’s okay to say ‘yes’ to drugs. But only when a nice man in a lab coat approaches you in CVS.

That’s how you know it’s okay.

I Think Florida is Trying to Unalive Me

I’m finding it hard to believe that it’s already May. Maybe it’s just a side effect of being so busy or getting older or whatever it is but here we are, five months into what has been…

I actually don’t know. I don’t know how to describe what this year has been so far.

Some words that come to mind are:

Frustrating
Rewarding
Busy
Exhausting

At any rate, this year has been something.

I’ve found it hard to believe that anything going on in my life has been interesting enough to sit down and chat about with the people of the internet. By chat I of course mean, I write a bunch of weird crap and y’all do with it what you want.

I’m currently fighting seasonal allergies which you’d think I’d be used to but I’ve yet to adjust to this hell.

I never actually had to deal with pollen allergies until I moved to Florida back in 2014. The first time I got hit with them I thought I had a bad cold. Then I found out I was just allergic to the entire state. You’d think after almost 8 years I’d be used to it but here we are.

I’ve spent the past two days feeling like someone has been shoving a giant, hot probe into my face. I can only assume that this is what a frontal lobotomy feels like.

Instead of making the bad memories go away, it is instead just making a mucus production factory. Also I currently sound like an English Bulldog when I breath so I’ve never felt more attractive.

To add insult to injury, I have been without air conditioning this week, which has been its own twisted adventure. Because of the lack of cool air, I’ve had my windows open and the big tree outside my bedroom window has been more than happy to send its tree babies into the house and right up my nose.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to.

I have been brainstorming things to write and post about. I’ve actually missed sitting down and blogging, but, again, I haven’t felt like anything interesting has been going on. But I’m working on it. I hope everyone is doing well and I hope you’re having amazing adventures of your own.

Much Oklahoma, Very Tumbleweed

For the first time in damn near two years, I was invited to come speak at a school. Well, I’ve received a few invites but this pesky pandemic has prevented any of them from actually happening. As a result my last time in front of students was back in March of 2020. You might remember my adventures in a DEFINITELY haunted mansion from back then. (READ: There are Definitely Ghosts Here and I Don’t Care What Anyone Says)

After two years on the sidelines, I got back in the game this past week with a trip to Oklahoma to speak to students and teachers. To say it was a blast is an understatement. There were some tweaking things in the moment to maintain a safe distance from students but it all worked out.

This wasn’t my first time traveling since the beginning of the pandemic but it was my first real adventure since Oregon back in 2020. I visited my sister in Colorado back in April to meet my niece and in November made a quick trip to Disneyland.

But this was a work trip and those hit a lot different!

According to my records, I have been to Oklahoma before back in 2018 but I really don’t remember much from the trip. Actually, if it’s the trip I’m thinking of, there were tornado warnings the day I got to my hotel and I spent the better part of the trip wondering if I was going to end up in OZ at some point.

I was in the middle of nowhere for this trip but those are always the best kind of trips. People think I’m a bit crazy when I say I’m pumped for trips like this but the reality is, where I currently live is becoming more and more of a nightmare. There’s five hotels being built around me, new restaurants being built are all chain fast food places and my rent just got randomly increased by 20% and it’s insulting.

It was a super quick trip so I can’t say there were too many adventures to be had but there were definitely some sights to see so enjoy some photos from my trip. I’m pretty certain I was in a horror movie the entire time because my GPS kept trying to send me down roads where I was certain I’d be murdered.

I also saw my first ever tumbleweed while driving. I would have taken a photo of it but I ran it over and didn’t want to get out of the car where I was because it was roadkill heaven. But I did laugh a lot at it.

Spotted this Dinosaur while driving to the school in the morning. I don’t know it’s name or much about it, but I would die for this dino. Not the hotel I stayed in but… I probably would have if given the chance. My GPS promised to save me 45 minutes if I just took this road instead of staying on the highway. I’ve seen horror movies friend, I know how this ends. I stayed on the highway. This house is haunted. I will not be taking questions at this time.

The 2021 Wrap Up Post I Promised Myself I Wasn’t Going to Write

I really had no intention of writing a post today, much less one wrapping up the year. I was planning on waiting until the new year to start writing posts again all while pretending I didn’t spend all of 2021 sinking to a new low of being a terrible blogger.

Then about two hours ago, I heard the news of Betty White’s passing. 

There I was, playing my Nintendo Switch, lost in the bliss of shooting zombies when my phone made a happy little noise telling me I had a notification. It was from Buzzfeed and normally I would ignore it (because I have zero idea how to turn them off) but I saw her name and my stomach sank. Her birthday wasn’t until next month so there was no reason for an article to be posted about her… unless…

My heart broke right then and there. 

I turned to Twitter and saw everyone’s hurt and upset, naturally cursing all that has been 2021. The year just couldn’t end quietly- it had to go out kicking and screaming and it was taking someone we all loved with it.

I didn’t want to write about 2021 because, if I’m being honest, I feel like I’m still sitting here trying to process 2020. When I try to look back on this past year, it’s hard to feel like it hasn’t done much of anything for me as a person. 2021 feels like it merged with 2020 to create a never-ending hellscape. 

It also feels really easy to hate on 2021 because when you look at the opening and closing chapters of the year- we started with an insurrection on our nation’s capital and we’re ending it with the death of a beloved actress who we were all willing to take a bullet for. We dealt with roughly a billion variants of the same virus we were told would be gone in a matter of weeks (almost two years ago). 

Basically I found myself sitting here ready to be pissed off at another year that decided to spend it’s existence kicking us all squarely in the tender bits. I spent most of this year having to cut people out of my life, being told that I would fail, and having a plethora of people I don’t even know talking an egregious amount of shit behind my back.

Before I could fire up the laptop to do any more ranting, I stopped myself for a minute and reflected on all of the good things that came from this year. 

Here’s what I’ve realized, no matter how I feel- who I am today is not the same person I was when the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2021. I’m not going to go into EVERYTHING but I am going to highlight some of the top things from this year.

VAXXED AND (PARTIALLY) RELAXED

I was fortunate enough to get the Pfizer Vaccine in March and my second dose in April. I’d share a fun photo but the guy who wrote my vaccination card had horrible handwriting, I received the world’s most boring bandaid and didn’t get a sticker.

In November I got my booster (and my first ever flu shot) and even though the Optimus Prime Variant is running rampant, I feel a lot more hopeful than I did at the beginning of the year.

UNCLE STATUS: LEVEL TWO

On March 8th, my niece Jackie entered the world ready to take on the world. A big part of the reason why I was so excited to get my vaccination was I wanted nothing more than to go visit her. I never got to see my nephew when he was a baby so I didn’t want to miss the opportunity.

Once I was fully shot up with that sweet, sweet government tracking serum, I hopped on a plane to visit my niece and nephew. Even better was being able to be around for my nephew’s 5th birthday. 

Also I held a child which is a feat for me because children scare me.

MY THIRD BOOK

In August I released my third book “Your Digital Life: A Teen’s Guide to the Online World.” It’s my third book and I was really excited to finish it and get it out for the world. Have I been doing a good job promoting it? Absolutely not. Because of who I am as a person. You can grab a copy on Amazon.

BACK TO WORK

In June I went back to work after over a year of pandemic unemployment. I’ve been causing an insane amount of trouble as the Director of Marketing & Events for the Oviedo Mall.

I event managed to go viral and turn us into the most popular mall on Twitter*

*A title I gave us but it honestly feels like it’s true.

Look at us, outlasting the NBA Experience.

— Oviedo Mall (@OviedoMall) August 16, 2021

It’s been fun and I’m excited to create more madness in the new year.

SCREAM N’ STREAM 2021; or, SEVEN WEEKS IN A PARKING LOT

One of my proudest accomplishments for this year was helping to create and execute a halloween event known as Scream n’ Stream. One top of that I served as the General Manager for the event and spent more time in a parking lot in Florida than I ever thought I would.

We had an amazing year and I could not have been more proud of my team for pulling it off, especially when so many people (including an ex friend of mine) thought we would fail.

AND JUST LIKE THAT…

There is so much more from this year that is worth being happy about (I know for a fact that I missed stuff and there are some things that aren’t ready for public consumption yet). Sure, for the second year in a row I will be ringing in the new year by myself, likely playing Animal Crossing. Actually, there’s a better than average chance that I’ll be asleep at the stroke of midnight.

Nope, that’s a lie. I’m so close to the theme parks and my neighbors are assholes, so I’ll be hearing all the BOOMS and BANGS of 2022.

Sure it won’t be annoying at all.

Moral of the story is that, yes, December 31, 2021 decided to choose violence but there are 365 days in a year. Sure, some other days this year weren’t as great as others but I’d rather find the good.

Good luck, all.

And I swear you’ll hear from me more in the new year.

I Think I May Be Marked For Death, Or I’m Safe. It’s Really Hard to Tell

Y’all there’s a very good chance that I have been marked for possible murder. There’s a better chance that I’m not but it’s all very strange and confusing but I suppose all of life is strange and confusing but we’re just going to roll with it.

I mean, sure I could explain my six month absence from the blog but that doesn’t seem interesting at all and frankly, I do that too often so let’s just accept that this is who I am as a person. Long time readers will understand. New readers won’t know the difference. My boss is probably sitting there, reading this and wondering why this is how I’m spending my time instead of doing that thing he asked me to do that I totally said I would.

BECAUSE IT’S YOUR FAULT I WAS TOO BUSY TO UPDATE MY BLOG KRIS AND NOW IT’S BEEN SIX MONTH AND MY FOLLOWERS ARE WORRIED ABOUT ME AND I’M UPDATING THEM ABOUT HOW I MIGHT GET MURDERED AT ANY MINUTE NOW AND I KNOW I SAID THAT I WOULD DO THE THING LAST NIGHT BUT I WAS STILL REELING FROM MY FIGHT WITH JESUS AND I WAS WORRIED ABOUT GETTING SMOTEN (or smitten? Or smot? Or whatever it is that God does when he’s pissed at you… that.) AND TONIGHT I WAS REALLY STRESSED ABOUT LOSING MY KRAMPUS AND I KNOW I MADE IT BETTER BUT IT WAS STILL A LOT TO DEAL WITH AND I JUST WANTED TO UPDATE MY BLOG INSTEAD OF DOING THE, PROBABLY, REALLY EASY THING I COULD HAVE DONE BEFORE DOING THIS BUT IT’S TOO LATE I’VE ALREADY STARTED WRITING AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME AND I’D SAY I’D GET IT DONE TOMORROW BUT I HAVE THAT CHRISTMAS THING AND THEN YOU WANT TO GO TO CHEESECAKE FACTORY SO MY NIGHT IS PRETTY BOOKED BUT I PROMISE I’LL MAKE A HALF HEARTED ATTEMPT AT IT THIS WEEKEND!

Of course now all my followers are like, oh you have a job now, we’d like to know more about that because last we knew you were still battling with unemployment and endlessly applying for things and never getting a job.

Yes, I’m now gainfully employed while also doing some contract work so life is good. It’s actually been really busy and there’s been lots of things I would have loved to write about but I was so busy I just never had the energy. And I considered writing a whole post about where I’ve been but I just figure I’ll slowly play catch-up over time and soon we’ll all know everything.

For now I’m really worried about being murdered… maybe…

So for the last week the light in front of my front door has been dim. Not out, but dim. Everyone else’s lights are like SUPER BRIGHT and mine is putting about as much effort into being a light as I am in doing that thing Kris asked me to do a month ago that I still haven’t done.

I occasionally walk around my complex after dinner to get some steps in and I did that to see what other lights look like and everyone’s front porch lights are just fine. My light, not so much. But also my neighbor across the hall is also super dim. So I think we’re both marked. 

I wonder if she’s noticed.

I should warn her.

But I’ve also never spoken to her so that might seem weird. Me just knocking on her door and screeching out “BOTH OUR LIGHTS ARE DIM AND WE ARE DOOMED!”

I wonder if she’s noticed it’s just us as well. Maybe we both want to talk about it but we’re too afraid. 

Maybe that’s what the murderer wants.

UNLESS the both of us are marked as safe from the murdering and everyone else is doomed?

But then what if the two of us are framed for the murdering?

I don’t know what to believe anymore. And, before you ask, I did take pictures of the difference between my light and another light but my damn phone camera auto corrected the lighting so they both look the same minus the shades of red in my light’s picture.

Not because it’s a murder light but because I also have an exit sign above my door. 

So there you go.

Not a whole lot has changed, I’m still weird.

But I did write and release a book, ran a drive-thu Halloween event, and got a job in marketing after almost a year on unemployment due to the pandemic.

And I may be marked for death.

To be determined.

An Island of Abandonment Issues

Remember last year when I was super excited to join the ranks of millions of people who chose to escape reality and settle into a simple island life and fall into a wild amount of debt to a cartoon raccoon?

Yeah, me too.

I spent an insane (and probably unhealthy) amount of time visiting my little virtual friends and driving them insane with my constant island renovations. I worked to fill the place with only the best and most adorable little villagers one could find. Seriously Dom is an icon and Stitches needs to be protected at all costs.

During the Halloween event I was thrilled because that’s my time to shine and I worked to create a lovely horror-themed island to the best of my abilities. There’s little tributes to Jaws, It, and Friday the 13th all over the place and I even have the painfully demonic looking Coco on my island. Seriously, she is nightmare fuel.

And then something happened. I can’t quite place my finger on it but soon, logging in daily wasn’t happening. Then I started to feel guilty and overwhelmed by the prospect of logging in and discovering that everyone had died. I mean, I know that wouldn’t happen but I’m from the Tomagatchi generation so I’ve been burned by little digital animals before.

One week turned to two, weeks turned to months and almost every day I could hear my Switch whispering from my nightstand, “mmmmuuurrrrrrddddeeeeerrrreeerrrr.”

The guilt was real.

So I finally logged back in and the guilt got even worse. Not because everyone was dead, but because they laid down guilt trips that rivaled anything my parents ever could. Like holy shit.

To add insult to injury the first thing I had to deal with was Gulliver because OF COURSE HE WAS THERE! Please note how I’m still in winter wear…

I mean technically the first thing I dealt with was the infestation of cockroaches in my house because apparently that’s a thing you get to deal with.

Next up was the villager guilt trip tour when I had the pleasure of walking around and getting yelled at by every last one of my villagers for disappearing on them which made me feel like a giant piece of human garbage. This must be how Ted Cruz feels all the time.

Thanks Stitches, like I didn’t feel bad enough.

Lucky coming in clutch with the TMI

Hopper is just calling it like he sees it.

Following the “Where the hell were you” tour, I then had to deal with weeds. So many weeds. I mean, not really. There’s not a whole lot of spare space around my island for weeds to pop up but that really didn’t stop them from appearing.

I spent about an hour or so cleaning up and making all my apologies to everyone. Except Tom Nook, he could have cared less about my well-being. My mortgage is paid, he’s done with me.

I haven’t really been spending too much time on the game now that I’ve returned but I’m trying to pop in every couple days just to let them know I care. On top of everything, Kyle asked to move the day I started playing again so I let him go. I found Judy on an island hunt so it felt like a good trade.

We’ll see what the future holds.

Is anyone still playing?

You can visit my spooky dream island: DA-1879-9098-1533

Let me know what you think of it! You know… now that it’s May.

The Restaurant Revolution: Why I Left Industry and Why I’m Not Going Back

When it comes to restaurants in the Orlando area, I am fully aware of who is and isn’t hiring. The “is” category outweighs the “isn’t” by a whole lot at this point. I’m aware of these places because at least four or five times a day a well-meaning friend will text or message or send a carrier pigeon letting me know that “This place is hiring bartenders- you should apply!” or “Chain restaurant XYZ needs servers bad, go apply!”

I know they mean well. They’ve seen me struggling with the fact that I’ve had very little luck finding any work and I doubt I’ll be offered up any speaking engagements with the school year about to end and things still being the way they are with COVID.  And Orlando, like many areas, is struggling to find hospitality workers. Hell do you really think that Disney changing up the “Disney look” was 100% about inclusivity? Nah, it was (at least partially) about opening up the ability to hire more people that they normally wouldn’t think twice about bringing on board.

That and I have to keep reminding people that bartending and serving are not my chosen profession, yeah it’s a means to an end but it’s a trap. Sure, I was good at what I did- was I the greatest server in the entire world? Absolutely not! Was I the best bartender in the world? Hell no! But I was good and in the four years I spent in the industry I worked my way up from server to closer to trainer to bartender to training captain to shift leader.

With all of that experience under my belt you’d think it’d be a no brainer to hire me on the spot. I know it sounds like I’m tooting my own horn saying that but I’m allowed to toot once and a while so give me that much. The truth is, I applied to a number of local places in late 2020 and never heard back from a single one of them. I applied for a training position at one of the theme parks and it took them two months to tell me “thanks but no thanks.” Didn’t even get an damn interview.

But that was then and this is now. Now, when many places are offering sign-on bonuses to anyone they hire. I could walk into almost any restaurant right now with my resume and say “Give me a job” and they will respond with “put on an apron, that’s your section, good luck!” One of my old managers just recently practically got on his knees and begged me to come back and work for him offering me my choice of shifts, days, whatever I wanted. Bar shifts? They were mine. Expo shifts? All yours. Make your own damn schedule!

You’re probably asking me “why the hell don’t you do it?” and you’re not the first and you probably won’t be the last. You’re right there with all the people asking me why I’m not taking advantage of those sign-on bonuses and busy tourist restaurants. Why isn’t anyone taking advantage of it if so many people in Orlando are still out of work?

These are all valid questions. Let me go ahead and answer those questions by opening up my brain and my journals and letting you know exactly why the hell I left the damn service industry and why I have no intention of going back to it any time soon.

When it comes to my time in restaurants, I’ve actually been pretty tight lipped about it when it came to social media or even my blog. One reason is I’ve had issues with people attempting to stalk me before and I didn’t need that in my life. Another is out of some blind respect for my companies. I’m fully aware of what the social media policies were and I was welcome to post whatever I wanted (within reason) but I felt it best to wait until I was out of the company before writing about it. I’ve shared some stories here and there and I’ve discussed some aspects of the job but I kept most things to myself.

See: The Real World is Less Fun Than I Remember, I Am Really Not That Kind of Bartender, and Sometimes You Have to Ask Yourself: What Would Beyonce Do?

For Pandemic Stories: A Beginners Guide to Not Being an A-Hole at a Restaurant and Here’s Why Doordash is Evil, Especially During Quarantine

Wanna hear me talk about it: Check out my guest spot on the No Reservations Podcast

But today’s we’re about a year out from the anniversary of my quitting bartending and I’m ready to rip off that band aid and give people a look at what that life is like and why the mere thought of returning causes a panic attack. Maybe you know some of this already, maybe you’ve been in the industry and you get it, maybe you’ve seen all the articles about worker shortage and the stories of Chipotle workers walking out on the job. However, this is my perspective and experience and hopefully it helps you understand why I really want you to stop sending me job postings at restaurants.

The funny part of all of this is that for a couple years friends kept telling me, pretty much begging me, to leave serving and bartending because they saw what it was doing to me as a person. My sleep schedule was shit, I was angry all the time and I was drinking far more than I ever had before. They saw how much I was being taken advantage of and they saw how abusive my co-workers were towards me. Sure, laugh all you want at those memes about being crying in the cooler but it’s a real damn thing and not as amusing as it sounds.

Sure, a lot of what you hear from service industry employees are the horrible customer stories but there are just as many horrid stories about how management treats their staff. I’m sure you’ve also seen the memes about managers wanting staff to come in after an accident or even their death- these aren’t jokes, they’re real life. If we wanted to call out it, the task of finding a replacement was put on us. Sick? Better go get a doctor’s note to prove that you were sick or it’ll be a no call, no show.

Want to know the reality of being sick while working in a restaurant?  We’re still showing up to work. Why? Because we don’t get sick days. Sure, managers get sick time and vacations and PTO but hourly servers making $5 an hour are screwed so we show up. The number of times that I would come to work sick when I should have been at home not spreading my germs around would baffle your mind. And I did it because I needed the money. No work, no money. That simple.

Even times I would want to call out I was told that I couldn’t because there was no one to cover me. At one point, I came in for a shift with a fever, nausea and a litany of other symptoms that had me running to the bathroom as often as possible. I was SWEATING from fever and looked like I had just crawled out of my grave. My manager even commented that I looked like death when I came in for my shift. I flat out said, I didn’t feel well and I shouldn’t be working, could I please go home.

The answer was no. Best they could offer was getting me out a little early.

I worked the shift behind the bar half dead. I begged the hosts to point people anywhere other than the bar to no avail. Full bar, me sick as a dog. Not only was I exposing my nasty sick to everyone sitting at the bar, don’t forget that I’m also making drinks for everyone in the restaurant that’s ordering alcohol. I was finally allowed to leave an hour before we actually closed and at that point, I could barely stand. I was told that I better not even think about trying to call out for my shift the next day.

This wasn’t limited to me at all. More times than I’m willing to admit I would watch as half-dead co-workers would come in with the flu and drag themselves around, waiting on people, handling food and drinks and money. Because we all had no choice.

No work, no money.

Whatever illness would end up making its way around to everyone from other servers to hosts to cooks to bartenders and we would all muscle through and come to work because we needed the money.

A manager gets sick? They have paid time to recover and another manager picks up the slack or they call someone in from another location. Must be nice.

At one point a co-worker was in an accident on their way to work that totaled their car. The manager’s response? “Well, get here when you can.” When the server called back and said that they weren’t going to be able to make it because of how bad the accident was- “Just call an uber, you need to come to work.”

In early 2020 before COVID really hit the fan, I was dealing with some personal things at home. A pipe had burst in our wall and flooded half of the apartment I was living in. My home was a disaster and as a result I was being forced to move and trying to find a home while a pandemic is knocking at your door was stressful. I was also working two jobs. Bartending wasn’t my full-time gig but I live in Orlando and the only way to survive here is to work multiple jobs. My time off was precious because I was using it to pack and look for a place to live. The reality was I didn’t have any days off because of both jobs, but I had a couple nights that I wasn’t at the restaurant so I used them for what needed to be done.

One Tuesday, my general manager texted and asked if I would work the following night in the kitchen. I told her I would think about it and let he know when I came in for my shift that night. The time came and I was honest and straight forward with her. My exact words for “for the sake of my mental health, I’m going to say no.” She knew very well what I was dealing with in my personal time but that didn’t matter to her.

 She complained to me, “well if you don’t do it that means I have to come in on my day off to work.”

If you’re scratching your head and saying “what the fuck?” well I was too. Here I was, an employee, standing there on the brink of tears saying I couldn’t work and extra shift (a 6th day at that job) because my mental health was on the line and she has the audacity to complain about losing HER day off. Her, being the general manager. Apparently her days off were more important than mine despite her name being on the building.

I will note that not all managers were horrible. This particular manager was a brand new GM and had the power stick shoved firmly up her ass. My old GM, the one that had hired me, wouldn’t have bat an eye at me saying no. She would have understood and moved on. So, not all managers were soulless monsters but a good majority of them were.

During all of that, I had requested to be transferred to a new location because I was not thrilled with the way our new GM was doing things and she really didn’t seem to care for me either. She made the very clear when she first came to our store at the end of 2019 and there was no love lost between us. A manager that I worked well with had been promoted and moved to another Orlando location and needed bartenders so it seemed like a good fit. The whole thing should have been a painless procedure but my current GM made it a nightmare, going so far as to lie to me about what was going on with the transfer.

Then we shut down and it didn’t matter. I was furloughed along with many others in my industry.

When restaurants reopened for indoor dining in Florida, I wasn’t immediately asked back but within a couple days I was needed. Coming back was something of a nightmare because it meant more work for everyone for the same exact pay. Since people couldn’t sit at the bar top, I was charged with waiting all the tables in our lounge area. This would have been fine if my people were the only ones I needed to worry about but I was also making drinks for the servers in the dining room and most nights there were only two of them.

Despite only three of us on the floor and the reduced capacities, management insisted that all available tables were sat as quickly as possible. So now we’re all busy as hell with no ability to support one another. At that point we were expected to wear gloves and changed them along with washing our hands every time we touched something. So on top of being busy as hell, everything we did took forever because of all the extra safety and cleaning steps.

Want some honesty? If you think your servers we able to wash their hands as often as we were supposed to while doing all that work you are kidding yourselves.

My breaking point came about three weeks after returning to work. I was on shift with our hourly manager (a certified shift leader as we called it) who was a nightmare to work with even in the best of times. She was lazy as hell and would never do anything to support a shift. What I mean by that is that if the kitchen was crashing, for example, would she come back and help the cooks? Nope. If the expo needed help getting food together and run to tables would she be there to assist? Not at all. Would she be out on the floor helping bus tables and control the flow at the door? Not on your life. Would she be sitting in the office playing on her phone or outside smoking a cigarette or standing at the host stand chatting with them? Absolutely.

On the day in question, I came in for my shift at the regular time and set about getting to work. Unbeknownst to me, this manager decided to cut the servers in the dining room, the host and the to-go specialist. Suddenly I found myself with a full section. I was a little perturbed but no big deal, start the night making money. But then I realized I had no help. On top of that, if the to-go person is cut, the work is defaulted to the bartender. So now I’m busy with tables and getting bombarded by DoorDashers. No one is in the kitchen helping to get my food together to go to tables or the to-go people so the shift quickly turns into a disaster.

Where’s the manager? She’s outside chatting with the morning bartender who’s heading home.

When she finally comes back inside and I tell her I need help, she decides to start seating more people in the dining room. Mind you, I’m the only one on with a full section along with to-go orders and she is sitting me even more tables because corporate doesn’t want us on a wait. I tell her that it is impossible for me to take care of all these people by myself.

What does she do? She seats more tables. I make it very clear that I’m already underwater with what I have and I won’t be getting to those tables. There is no one to run my food or make my drinks or make sure my tables have what they need already. How am I supposed to take on more? And don’t forget those fucking DoorDash people. They are waiting and they are great at making it clear to you that they aren’t happy about it.

So she starts waiting on the new tables instead of supporting what we already have. Now this would seem like a nice thing but here’s the hitch- I haven’t the slightest clue where the money for those tables went. As a manager, she is not allowed to close checks and take tips. Logic would tell us that she would transfer those tables to me and I would get the money for them as I was the only server on the clock. But that didn’t happen. So she essentially stole from me.

After an hour of that hell, the rest of the night shift came in but the damage was done. If you think I had time to follow proper COVID safety during all of that- I wasn’t. Yes, I was all sorts of masked up but hand washing? Table cleaning? Don’t kid yourself.

Then she has the gall to throw a snide remark my way while I was in the kitchen asking, “Are you going to have this shitty attitude all night?”

I. LOST. IT.

The following day, Monday, I called out from my shift. On Tuesday I was ready to go back in and let go what had happened. I had taken my mental health day and was ready to be the bigger person and move forward. The GM was on shift when I arrived and told me we needed to talk. I agreed, we did. We went into the function room and say but before I could say anything the GM brought the problem manager into the room and sat her down.

I said that I wasn’t comfortable talking about the events of Sunday night with her sitting in the room. It made for an uncomfortable situation and I knew my employees rights. I had the right to have a one-on-one with my GM especially when it comes to issues with another manager. Can’t really be candid when someone is GLARING at you from across the table. I was told that my options were to talk to the both of them right then or leave and have a People Works (our HR) case opened against me.

I left.

On the drive home I called my former GM who was no longer with the company and asked about the situation. Mostly asking if I was wrong in requesting to talk about what had happened privately. I was in the right. So my next call was to Team Member relations at our corporate office where I issued a formal complaint against my management team. I laid it all out from the events of Sunday night to the lack of support in general from our management and the safety risks being posed to our team.

Wednesday morning I received a call from Team Member Relations and was essentially told that I was in the wrong and that I should be respecting my managers. When I brought up the safety issues (the safety of the team along with our guests) I was told to stay in my lane. I went in that night and worked what would become my final shift.

I had also learned that my GM had been lying to me about a number of things. When I first returned I has asked about my transfer which was supposed to be in process before the shut down. She told me at that point there was no need for me at the other store so my options were to come back to work there or stay on furlough. This was a lie. About a week before I quit, the GM from the other store had stopped in for a meal and asked me when I would be able to come to his store. He was hurting for bartenders and right now only had one fully trained person working his bar. I told him what I had been told and he laughed. When workers were recalled he had called my current GM and asked for me and was told no, that I no longer wanted the transfer.

When it came down to it, someone was lying to me and I’m not sure who it was. Add in the lack of support from corporate and I was ready to throw in the towel. I was made out to be the problem in all of this with managers acting like I was an issue to them. I was a shift lead, our lead trainer, a highly rated server who had received praise from guests and managers alike. None of that mattered. So I hung up my apron.

Funny part? That’s the abridged version of those events- there was so much more but we don’t have the time here.

My story wasn’t unique things like this were happening all over and I’m not talking just within the company I worked for. Servers and bartenders were thrilled to go back to work only to find that they were going to be expected to double or triple their workload with no added benefit. Not to mention that guests were treating us like shit more than every before.

Notice how long this post is and I haven’t even gotten to how guests treat their servers. When it came to how I was treated in the three weeks I worked after lockdown I’ll point you towards my post: A Beginners Guide to Not Being An A-Hole At A Restaurant: Pandemic Edition.

When it comes to the way people choose to treat service workers, I still have nightmares about it. Servers and bartenders are treated like scum regardless of where you are working. It can be McDonalds or some five diamond hole- we are all looked at as less than. Like we are burn-outs and morons because we couldn’t be any better than serving food.

One night while I was working a lead shift, I was called to a table that wanted to speak to a manager. Mom was upset because not only was the wait for a table long (on a Saturday night in one of the busiest tourist destinations in the country) but a group of people who had arrived after them was sat before them. The party in question was 4 people as opposed to her parties seven and from what I saw on the system we use for the wait list- they were called to sit within a few minutes of one another.

I went and spoke with the table explaining how restaurants work (I know that sounds snarky but I promise I was very polite about it in explaining how numbers and whatnot worked). In the midst of my talking to her, she shoves her hand in my face to stop me from talking and turns to her two teenage kids, “You see, THIS is why you need to go to college so when you grow up you can get a real job!” In a show of absolute professionalism, I walked away from the table without another word. The woman ended up complaining to corporate about me.

This was a sentiment I received a lot regardless of what position I was working, especially if something went wrong. God forbid any of us are humans and make mistakes. Yeah, I forget to ring stuff in or forget a modifier. Maybe the kitchen is backed up and food is taking forever or maybe they overcook your steak. It happens.

I’ve been sworn at, threatened, and had things thrown at me. I’ve been verbally abused and called a wide variety of names. I’ve worked doubles, a 12 to 14 hour shift with no break and barely time to go to the bathroom. I’ve eaten dead food just to keep from passing out and have actually passed out from dehydration. In four years of working in the industry I’ve suffered through three urinary tract infections from holding my pee for hours at a time.

We’ve barely grazed the tip of the iceberg with the number of stories I have of how I was treated in my time serving and bartending. I’d like to think that by now I’ve made my point.

Don’t agree? Go back to the top and check out the linked posts. All of that and we’re nowhere near close to everything I’ve gone through, what others have put up with.

So ask me again why I’m not applying to all these places desperate for help. Is any of what you just read worth $5.63/hour with no PTO, vacation time, benefits or sick time?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Where Have You Been? Where Are You Going?

I’m sure I’ve said it before but I’m going to say it again: being a “blogger” is really hard world. Especially over the last year, as my loyal readers have noticed considering we’re lucky if I post once a month. While I’m thinking of it: how ya’ll holding up? So many of the blogs that I follow seem to have gone silent over the past year and I am just as guilty but I hope ya’ll are doing okay and we get to hear from you soon!

For me, I just find it so hard to trying to be active on so many damn platforms! Especially with running the podcast, which has been on an unplanned hiatus because I haven’t had the mental capacity for dealing with it.

Then there’s all the little things like Twitter and Instagram. We won’t even get into my Facebook page which I’m afraid to even look at right now.

Twitter is actually easy because I just randomly pop on there to say weird things and then run away without giving it much thought. So if you’re really missing me in your life: hit up the Twitter.

 There is some good news from all of this though! Just because I’ve been silent on the blog doesn’t mean I haven’t been busy working on some fun new things which is the whole point of me sitting down and writing this post. I wanted to clue everyone in to what I’ve been working on and now that I’m doing better at structuring my time, I’ll hopefully be back to regular blogging for your amusement.

So here’s a look behind the curtain of my life lately:

The Millennial Agenda Podcast: As mentioned above and before, I have a podcast! If you didn’t know about it- you do now! The idea had come to me a while ago and it took a while to get started and then it was restarted after that as I worked to figure out what it actually meant to have a podcast. It has now become my weird little baby and it’s a ton of fun albeit a whole lot of work. I currently release two episodes a week (Mondays and Fridays) and with editing, it actually takes up a lot more time than I would like but I also don’t have the means to hustle it over to someone else to edit. Someday. Thankfully I have a wonderful rotation of co-hosts that keep me motivated to keep going!

If you haven’t listened yet, I highly encourage it because there’s always something that will make you smile! We cover a wide range of topics that appeal to everyone! You don’t have to actually be a Millennial to listen to the podcast, I promise! (Click Here!)

I’ll be honest when I say my ultimate goal would be to take the show on the road and be able to record episodes in front of an audience. I really miss having an audience!

The Hot Mess Press: They say the third time’s the charm! I have tried and failed to open up my shirt shop a couple times now and it seems like this time it’s sticking around. I actually re-opened the shop on Etsy back in September when someone actually came looking for one of the designs followed by a few more. I learned that I could cheaply re-open on Etsy without having to stress too much about monthly fees and whatnot. Things have been going really well with my little shop and I’m super happy with it.

I mean, I’m not making millions of dollars or anything but it generates enough business to justify keeping around and it’s nice to have that extra pocket change hanging around. I’ve actually been taking all the profits and investing them in the stock market (because that’s a thing I do now). So my money is working for me… lol. I mean, I’m doing well on stocks so there’s that.

Anyhoo, feel free to check out my weird little shop! It’s perfect if you’re in need of some horror-inspired shirts, or some Disney shirts. Actually, if you’re like me an disgusted at the extreme lack of Animorphs merch in the world- I’VE GOT YOU COVERED!! (Click Here!)

Myself: I’ve also been taking this time to work on me which is something I’ve been neglecting far too long. I’m talking long before we entered a damn pandemic and the world went to shit. Turns out it’s really what I needed because I was burning myself out and I was miserable (more on that later). As I’ve mentioned before, I’m back to the gym which has actually been nice and while the progress is slow-going, I’m noticing a difference and that makes me happy.

Additionally I’m trying really hard to eat better- not denying myself things that are good but certainly getting back to being conscious about what I’m eating instead of just doom binging.

I’m also reading A LOT more which has honestly made me so happy. I’m not about to turn into a book review blog but I think maybe once a month I’ll do a recap of what I’ve been reading and sharing with ya’ll. I’ve challenged myself to read 100 books this year and I’m doing a pretty good job at chipping away at that goal. If any of you are on Goodreads, feel free to friend me and share recommendations!

I’m sure there’s more to report but this got long on me so I’m going to cut it off there but I promise to try and be around more! I’m shooting for at least one blog post a week and if we’re lucky I’ll get back to a regular schedule. It’s one of the many things I’m working on for myself!

I hope ya’ll are doing well! And for my blogger friends- I hope we get to hear some new things from you soon but there’s no rush. Things still suck so you do you for as long as you need! We’ll be here waiting!

Oh, You Must Be New Here

No one is going to be surprised by this but: I got yelled at on social media.

This really shouldn’t be surprising to anyone since I’m known to post the stupidest things possible at any given point but this one actually took me a full minute to fully process because of how weird it seemed to me.

So here’s what happened:

Back in March, my sister birthed her second child. That’s right, I’m an uncle- AGAIN! The newest little nugget was forcibly removed from the womb on March 8 and she came pre-loaded with a level of sass that tells me that she won’t be taking shit from anyone and before we know it, she will be the supreme ruler of the universe.

In case you don’t believe me:

This child will not be having ANY OF YOUR FUCKING NONSENSE KAREN! She will cut you so fast! (I should specify that I’m referring to the collective manager-demanding Karens of the world and not my brother-in-law’s mother who is named Karen. I really don’t need more people coming at me.)

Anyway, on the morning of my niece’s entrance into the world, my usual humor came forward once I learned that baby and mama were okay and the following was posted to my Podcast Instagram account as well as my personal twitter:

I will admit that this was ABSOLUTELY a recycled joke from when she birthed my nephew five years ago.

In this family, we stick with what works. And this works.

Well, not according to one woman on Instagram but for everyone else, it was hilarious.

Shortly after posting, I received a comment from a “lovely” woman who did not appreciate my making light of such a beautiful moment for my family and degrading my sister in such a way.

It was very quickly obvious to me that she found the post through hashtags and was not a follower of my account. Again, it was the account for my podcast, which, if you are a fan of, then you not only know my humor but that of my friends and family. We are a weird bunch.

Hell, my sister had the energy to “like” and “LOL” at my post after having a child removed from her so… you see where our priorities are.

I actually wrote a very nice response to the woman (it was actually nice and not dripping with the sarcasm that was in my knee-jerk response to her) to which she called me a heathen. I’m now considering getting that tattooed across my forehead.

Also she blocked me and I deleted the comments because I really don’t need that type of nonsense in my life, I’m far too tired.

I really have no moral to this story other than it was something wildly amusing that happened to me. I mean, I suppose it’s also important that if you are hashtag surfing and see something that makes you unhappy either ignore it or take a look at the bigger picture. Is someone being an asshole or are they always like this?

If it’s my account just know that I’m always like this.

God, I hope she never finds this blog.