Monica Berg's Blog, page 9

Reading With Your Kids

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Put More Daring in Your Dreaming

Let’s talk about hope.

Hope for ourselves, our friends, and our families. If we have children, certainly we have high hopes for them. When we think about the world, we all share the same hope. One of peace between factions, enemies, people, and countries.

To hope is a beautiful thing—at its core, it is desire. Hope is defined as: desire for a certain thing to happen.

As my husband Michael remarks, there isn’t a more extraordinary gift we are given in our life than the gift of desire. The only reason we enjoy anything is because we have desired it. The only reason we seek is because we have desire. The only reason we live is because we have desire. Desire is so powerful that it quite literally determines the course of our lives.

It serves us greatly to know what we desire and to examine the things we hope for. It’s like the old saying goes, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

As Rosh Hashanah approaches, this is the perfect time to think about our hopes and desires. This marks the beginning of a new year, and we can make of it whatever we desire. We all have new lives…

I’ve noticed that when people talk about their desires and hopes, they tend to keep them within the realm of what is possible for their lives as they are today. They stay “realistic.” You’ve heard that old adage, “Dare to dream.” Of course, we all have, but most people don’t put much daring into their dreaming, and while there may be many reasons we have placed limits on our dreams, it does nothing but a disservice—to us, our lives, and the world—for us to hold back at the level of thought or belief.

I’m here to share that there is no limit on what you can desire and receive other than the limits you give yourself.

Your thoughts and beliefs are the most significant determining factors for the trajectory of your future.

That’s not how most people approach their desires, though. We tend to see what is right in front of us and limit what we believe is possible. Much of that is upbringing, the thought patterns that we picked up from our parents, and the instinct to model what we know and see. I suppose that formula is a pretty good deal if you were born into a healthy family, but for the many who weren’t, it’s limiting. To say the least.

All politics and policies aside, take Barack Obama as an example. He was raised by a single mother who didn’t come from a prominent or wealthy family. The odds of Barack Obama becoming President were pretty staggering. What separated him from other kids in a similar socio-economic status was his mother, Stanley Ann Dunham. (Her father really, really wanted a son!). She didn’t tell him he could be President (I’m equally certain she didn’t tell him he couldn’t). She didn’t tell him he could be wealthy beyond his wildest dreams. It wasn’t anything so specific.

Simply, she instilled in him that he had the power to make a difference.

I know, that statement lands like a thud instead of a crescendo. But that doesn’t make it any less profound. You have the power to make a difference. I know for some, that’s really difficult to embrace or even believe. But you do! And you know you know this on some deep level because you are painfully aware of when you feel like you don’t. If I asked you right now (I am asking you right now) to recall a time in your life or a situation you were in where you felt like you couldn’t make a difference, I’m sure at least one or two powerful memories come immediately to mind.

Each of us. No matter how famous, infamous, influential, or not, have an immense power to make a difference.

You have the power to make a difference in your life, your family, your community, and the world. As you approach this Rosh Hashanah, make a list of desires for the year to come. Maybe you want to buy a house or change careers; maybe you have an idea or business you want to manifest this year. Now, also consider making a list of all the ways you can make a difference and write those down, too. Is there an issue you see around you, perhaps a child that needs extra support, a community that could benefit from your expertise and energy, or a social issue that you are passionate about? You have power to effect positive change, so think of places where you can lend your voice and support. Now, what happens when you look at those lists side-by-side?

The first list, which is completely valid, and I support all your hopes and dreams (unless they are illegal or hurt other people), may feel a little self-centric. But I bet your second list is inspirational, aspirational even.

Kabbalistically, connecting to the energy of Rosh Hashanah builds a vessel for the whole year. You can visualize the vessel as a place with enough room for everything you hope for and desire to manifest, fully supported, and just waiting for you to make it happen. The crux? The size of the vessel depends on not just what you desire but if you want to share it. The more you believe in your power to create change and make a difference, the larger your impact and the bigger your vessel will be.

Ask. Desire. Dream. Hope. But ask with the desire to not just receive for yourself, but with the desire to receive for the sake of sharing those blessings with others. In light of that, our second list is probably looking more and more impressive.

I wish you all a beautiful year ahead, filled with joy, kindness, generosity of heart and spirit, love, inspiration, ingenuity, passion, genius, and prosperity. Happy New Year! Or in Hebrew, Shana Tova!

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What Would You Like NOT to Remember?

If you could erase certain past experiences, would you?

If we could truly erase our past pains. What would we be left with? It might be easy to think we’d be happier, more present, maybe even feel more acceptable or polished. And maybe we would be externally. But who would we be inside?

Whenever I take on this thought experiment, and I often do as we approach Rosh Hashanah, I am reminded of that sweet—albeit incredibly silly—Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler rom-com, 50 First Dates. If you haven’t seen it, the story revolves around Adam Sandler’s womanizing character Henry falling in love with Drew Barrymore’s Susie, a woman who has short-term memory loss. Because of a car accident, she wakes every morning with her mind wiped completely clean. She doesn’t remember her painful experiences, but she also has no recollection of this new person who loves her deeply.

In an attempt to help assimilate to a life that includes someone new, she learns everyday about where she came from, why she doesn’t remember anything prior to the morning, and each day grieves in the exact same way, as though for the very first time.

Now, we aren’t dealing with anything like this, but we often put ourselves through something very similar. When we don’t deal with our past or, conversely, overly identify with it we are unable to grow and evolve. We’re stuck in our own loop, either repressing something that we deem too painful to face or letting that pain calcify into victimhood and resentment. Coming to terms with our past means accepting it, forgiving it, and moving forward with wisdom we’ve gained.

Because, without our past experiences and everything that brought us to the very moment that we are in now, we would be only a less authentic version of ourselves. Our struggles, mistakes, and tough times are integral to our personal evolution and without them we cannot become who we’re meant to be. This is anything but easy or comfortable but taking a gentle yet realistic inventory of our past can be one of the most healing and transformative things we do for ourselves.

Start with Curiosity

When we look back on our difficulties with curiosity rather than condemnation, we unlock the opportunity for profound growth and a lot more self-love. Each mistake and setback carries a lesson. By examining where we went astray and understanding how we can approach things differently in the future, we open ourselves to a process of refinement and integration. Suddenly, our mistake isn’t just a terrible thing that haunts us, it’s a source of power. Instead of beating ourselves up over every wrong thing we’ve ever done, we can collect these missteps and utilize them as the tools they are: learning experiences that can become gifts of wisdom, empathy, and compassion.

Drop Regret Right Here

Regret can be a powerful force, often consuming more of our time and energy than we’d like to admit. When we dwell on what might have been or fixate on our past errors, we risk missing out on the richness of the present. The stories we tell ourselves about our past can either empower us or hinder us. If we cling to self-defeating narratives, we might find ourselves living those same stories over and over again, trapped in a cycle of regret and repetition. When we confront our past with an open heart, we give ourselves the chance to rewrite our story. It’s about finding balance between honoring our experiences and actively choosing not to let them overshadow our present or dictate our future.

There is also a false belief around the path not chosen. When we regret it sounds something like, “if only I’d chosen X instead of Y” but the unchosen path might have been equally bad if not worse!

While You’re at it, Toss Dissonance Too

Cognitive dissonance, as defined by Merriam Webster, is the psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously. If we don’t believe that we are inherently lovable, we may push away someone who deeply loves us while simultaneously wishing for loving partnership. If we don’t believe we’re capable of success, we’ll sabotage every opportunity while praying that we could just get one break. The rub is, these beliefs were created unconsciously to keep us safe from pain and, for most of us, we can pinpoint the exact painful experience that bore them. When we take on the challenge of facing these pains and rewriting these beliefs, our dissonance can finally be reconciled and our desires can finally reach us.

It is normal to feel the pangs of hurt when looking back at our past. Everyone has a memory they wish would vanish and every person alive can name at least one experience they wish they’d never had. But think about how you feel when you listen to a friend or loved one recount a painful memory. You’re not cringing or judging or criticizing. You’re listening with understanding and an objective view that allows you to see the human within it all, just doing their best. You are that human, too.

So, next time you find yourself wishing for a redo, remember that your past, with all its pain and challenges, has contributed to the person you are today. Look at everything that surrounds you, all that you have experienced and created. And then make a list of all of the things you still want to do, knowing that you have everything you need to get you there—you just might need to take some time to turn an insecurity or a fear into a new asset of strength or resilience.

By doing so, you’ll be more equipped to enjoy the present and shape a future that reflects the highest version of yourself. It is your life’s very purpose.

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It’s Already September?!

“But Monica, the year is hardly over!”

Yes, that’s true. It is only September. However, once this month comes to a close, the holidays are upon us—a time for celebrating, being with friends, winding down, and maybe even starting to look to next year. There is a natural tendency to slow momentum or to even feel a little lackluster about how those New Year resolutions shaped up…

But wait! There is still so much the year has to offer!

While we don’t think of the fall as a time to start something up, it can certainly be a time to recommit, breathe new life into projects that have stalled, or even just assess your progress and maybe set new goals to reach before the end of the year. Here are three things to consider as we enter the closing of 2024:

Assess where you are, but don’t criticize.

After reflection, it’s time to assess your progress. This isn’t about scrutinizing every detail but instead really understanding where you are concerning your goals. Use this time to evaluate what has worked for you and what hasn’t. Be honest with yourself, but also be kind. The purpose of this assessment is not to criticize but to gain clarity.

Ask yourself:

What goals have I achieved so far?
Where did I fall short, and why?
What external factors influenced my progress?
How do I feel about my current position?

This assessment can help you identify areas that need more attention and celebrate the areas where you’ve thrived.

What new goals can you set for these last months?

With clarity comes the ability to set new, more aligned goals. The beauty of the final four months is that it provides a condensed timeframe, which can be incredibly motivating. Use this time to set specific, achievable goals that resonate with your true intentions.

A reminder here: your goals don’t have to involve productivity. Maybe you’ve burned out this year, so the new goal you could set for these final months is scheduling (and sticking to) more downtime during the week.

Whatever your goal, write it down and break it down into small, actionable steps. This not only makes it more manageable but also allows you to track progress more effectively. They don’t need to be grand, they just need to inspire you!

Remember that Success Isn’t Only Measured in Accomplishments

As you move through these final months, keep in mind that success isn’t just about what you achieve but also about how you feel. Some would say that a true feeling of peace or self-love would be equivalent to achieving a major external goal. Strive to end the year not just with accomplishments but with a sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

Taking the time to work this process now will not ensure that you end the year strong. It will also help you to lay an amazing foundation for the upcoming year and, ultimately, the rest of your life. CS Lewis said it best:

“Progress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turn, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.”

It’s a powerful reminder that unless we take the time to stop, reflect, realign, and continue we may be spinning our wheels and never actually making any progress at all.

The last four months of the year are that precious time for reflection, assessment, and renewal. By taking deliberate steps to contemplate your journey, assess your progress, set new goals, and cultivate a sense of peace, you can end the year not only feeling successful but also profoundly fulfilled. This process will prepare you to step into the new year with confidence, clarity, and a strong sense of purpose.

So, as the days grow shorter and the year winds down, remember to take a moment for yourself. Reflect, realign, and renew your spirit and enthusiasm for the journey ahead.

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Virgo: A Path to Forgiveness

This week we leave the proud, determined energy of Leo and step into the powerful, practical energy of Virgo. This month is dedicated to assessing the past, taking inventory, and accounting for ourselves this past year. It is a time when we take an unflinching appraisal of ourselves, our words, and our actions. Inevitably, you will uncover words you regret having said and thoughts that you wished you hadn’t allowed to creep into your head. There may be actions that require an apology, habits that need changing, and relationships that need rejuvenation.

Seriously: this month is intense.

But before you sink into a spiral of shame and regret, take a moment to pause. I want to stress: don’t beat yourself up. I invite you to review your past with an eye toward exploration, a consciousness of curiosity, and an open-heartedness that understands mistakes are opportunities for growth. We all mess up—we’re human—and what sets us apart is our willingness to right our wrongs.

Luckily, there is a process built for this exact endeavor. It’s known in Hebrew as Teshuvah, repentance.

The kabbalists teach that Teshuvah is a practice that works a little like a cosmic eraser. It clears all of the negativity that we created in the previous year and prepares us for Rosh Hashanah, which is the first day of Libra. This is the day when the entire physical world came into existence.

Think about the beauty in the physical world. Before anything is made manifest, there is a moment of perfection that immediately precedes it: A budding flower that breaks its first bloom, the wing of a butterfly that emerges from its cocoon, the moment just before a baby is born. That precise moment is perfect because everything that led up to that moment comes to fruition.

The power of Virgo symbolizes the perfection that precedes the moment of creation, and there is no other time in the year when we can connect so powerfully to our own personal possibility. If we ask to be connected to our perfect selves, we can consciously disconnect from our imperfections. We can suspend our self-judgment, self-criticism, and insecurity and see the highest version of ourselves. By doing so, we access the power needed to become that person. Because the road to our highest self requires work—something all Virgos are ready to do.

Rav Ashlag said that out of 1,000 people who begin their spiritual journey, only one of them will complete it. The work of transformation isn’t easy or comfortable, nor does it happen neatly or on a timeline that works for us. It requires certainty, surrender, and a willingness to embrace change. These are tall orders, which is why connecting to our perfected self as we begin the practice of Teshuvah is necessary.

Teshuvah is a six-step process:

1. Review

This begins with creating a list of everything we need to repair and amend from the previous year. These statements can begin with

“I wish I hadn’t said…”

“I regret choosing…”

“If I could go back and avoid…”

Your cosmic eraser requires you to dig deep.

If you are struggling to pinpoint where you can do better, reach out to a trusted friend. Ask someone whose opinion and perspective you value, and who truly loves you. Ask them, “where do you think I can grow?” Listen fully and without defensiveness.

2. Practice Empathy

Put yourself in the shoes of the person you hurt or slighted. Try to understand how your actions affected them. Don’t justify or defend yourself. Try to feel how your behavior made them feel. Seeing the situation through their eyes, ask what you would want to hear if you were them.

3. Be Compassionate

As you put your atonement into action, whether it be through apologizing, writing a letter, or sitting down to have a conversation, let your objective be only compassion. This isn’t about clearing your name or asserting your side. It isn’t about getting someone else to understand you or tell you it’s okay. It’s about you holding yourself accountable.

4. Connect to Your Perfected Self

Now that you have expressed yourself and are clear on what you need to change, it is time to implement the feedback. This is where our perfected self goes to work. Accepting fault, hearing criticism, and taking responsibility are difficult actions, but when we align with our highest self, we understand them to be necessary on the journey to fulfillment. Feedback is a blessing, and the changes you make are gifts that you give to yourself and the world.

5. Forgive

Forgiveness is powerful. If we employed it every day, our lives would be drastically different. But it, too, is a challenge because to do so, our ego needs to relax, and our heart needs to open. Furthermore, we are only able to forgive others to the degree that we can forgive ourselves. Can you forgive yourself for the mistakes you made? Can you offer yourself empathy and compassion? It’s amazing how, when you are gentle with yourself, it is so much easier to offer forgiveness to those who hurt you.

6. Release It

Once you have gone through the entire process, it’s time to let it go. Release the negativity, the pain, and anything else that doesn’t serve you. You’ll know you are ready when you can look back on your list of errors and know—in your bones—you would never do those things again. From here, you are ready to step into a brand new year.

The true gift of Teshuvah is understanding that while everyone holds both positive and negative qualities, our job is to consistently choose to see the good in ourselves and others. Not just during this month, but every single day.

Today, be conscious of your thoughts about others. Focus on the strengths and gifts of friends and acquaintances, rather than their flaws. Lifting up others is not only the kind and loving thing to do, it will lighten your own load.

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