Monica Berg's Blog, page 6
February 17, 2025
Conscious Parenting Questions & Answers
Join Monica in this insightful question and answer session on parenting.
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February 13, 2025
Got Any Valentine’s Day Plans?
You need a Valentine’s Day plan. Hear me out.
While February 14 can evoke a wide array of emotions, one thing is for certain: we could all use more love in our lives. Some of us welcome celebrating a day devoted to love in the middle of winter. Some of us resent the pressure to buy chocolate/roses/cards for our partners to prove our affection (but do it anyway). And some fervently wish the day didn’t even exist. Whatever your feelings and past experiences, reframe Valentine’s Day as what it should be every day: a day of deepening love, expressing love, and even finding new love.
Seeking: New LoveOne woman visibly cringed when I asked her why she hadn’t been using dating sites. Her shoulders crept up to her ears, she averted her gaze and muttered that it just felt so desperate. What? Why?! I don’t espouse being an expert at online dating, as I’ve never done it. As someone who met their husband the old-fashioned way, through happenstance, chance encounters, I also don’t understand why this is seen as the gold standard for “how to meet your partner.” Some couples have even confessed that their “how we met” story was a complete fabrication because they were too embarrassed to tell people they met online. Even people who met their future spouse online seem to have bought into the utter falsehood that only the unlucky, the desperate, or the losers use dating sites.
I love you, single people. I love love. For goodness sake, get over it, get online, and find someone to love!
You are in good company, too! In 2024, the number of online dating users in the United States was estimated to be over 60 million. Bumble was the most downloaded dating app in June 2024 but worldwide, Tinder took the prize as the most downloaded dating app, with over 6.1 million monthly downloads in June 2024. Talk about options! And more niche dating sites popped up, too. I love the specificity of niche sites for people who have honed in on precisely what they’re looking for in a partner:
FarmersOnly.com “because city folks just don’t get it”
Ourtime.com caters to the 50-and-over crowd
VeggieDate.com matches vegetarians
TheAtlasphere.com is for Ayn Rand fans
Alikewise.com makes love matches based on the books you like
Geek2geek.com is for, well, geeks, I suppose
Christianmingle.com matches Christians
Jdate.com match-makes Jewish singles
Datingink.com brings fans of tattoos together
And even these more niche sites can lead to unexpectedly wonderful places! For example, FarmersOnly attracted 27-year-old Silicon Valley resident Alana. She loved nature, but the tech guys she was dating considered themselves outdoorsy when they drank cocktails on a patio. She created an account on FarmersOnly, and now she is married, resides on a mountain, loves her garden, and lives in a house made of straw bales. True story.
Why not sign up for some new adventures and see what happens?
Seeking: Deeper LoveThis willingness to stretch and say yes to greater openness can be applied to all of our lives, even if we’re in a long-term relationship.
You may have been married 10, 15, or 20 years. You may have raised children, purchased homes and cars, traveled together, and know each other’s daily routine. And although you have a relationship that might convince you you know everything about your partner, you don’t. We make a lot of assumptions about the people in our lives, and sometimes the longer we’re together, the more thoroughly we presume we know them.
But, what we think may not be true.
Even if you think you know everything about your long-time partner, keep curiosity in your heart. Take a step back and ask questions. Confirm what you “think” you know. Maybe your partner has new items on his or her bucket list. Perhaps they’re yearning for a trip to Thailand after a friend spoke so eloquently about the country (although Asia was never somewhere either of you had a strong desire to visit). Maybe they want to start playing the piano again after 20 years of ignoring the baby grand in the living room.
Here are three questions to get you started:
1. What’s something limiting you used to believe about love that you no longer do?
This can lead to surprising insights about personal growth, past experiences, and how they see your relationship now.
2. If you could relive one moment from our relationship exactly as it happened, what would it be and why?
This brings appreciation and an opportunity to reminisce about the moments that mattered most to them—ones that maybe you didn’t even realize were so significant.
3. In what ways do you feel most loved by me that I might not even realize?
Love languages shift over time, and sometimes the little things we do mean more than we think.
Now, isn’t that better than chocolate/roses/cards?
The energy of Valentine’s Day really is for all of us, no matter our relationship status. If you’re unattached, commit to a way to meet someone new. You have choices! And if you’re in a relationship, put together three questions that you think you know the answer to, and ask your partner.
Love is available in the sweetest and most expansive ways, especially when we’re willing to open ourselves just a little bit more.
February 12, 2025
Beshalach: A Taste of the Miraculous
Monica inspires us to shake up the realm of nature that we are accustomed to and tap into every experience so that we may live in truth and receive a taste of the miraculous every day.
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February 11, 2025
Beshalach: Expanding Our Capacity to Love
Monica walks us through an exercise of what our world could look like if we become like God. She shows us how we can open our hearts, experience the true meaning of love and live in a world that knows no pain and suffering.
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February 6, 2025
From Control to Curiosity
Curiosity gives life a unique zest. It infuses whimsy into even the most mundane moments (have you ever stood in the grocery store and gotten curious about the people around you?) It kickstarts our transformation in moments of pain or stress (have you ever wondered how your disappointment might be a blessing?) It even brings us knowledge that we didn’t know we would ever need (Did you know that microwaving a lemon for 10-20 seconds before juicing it will yield more juice?)
I think my favorite part about it though is that it is an antidote to control. Control often arises from a fear of uncertainty or outcomes we can’t manage. Curiosity, however, encourages us to lean into the unknown with a mindset of exploration rather than dread. By asking questions and seeking understanding, we transform fear into an opportunity for learning.
Nowhere is our kneejerk desire to control more prevalent than in our relationships. And nothing can positively change our relationships faster than curiosity.
Kabbalist Rav Berg mused that too many people fall into dull routines: they eat the same breakfast, take the same routes to work, go to the same lunch spot, etc…. which he said was like “living the same day for 70 years.” Many relationships are this way too. I have counseled countless couples through the experience of a “rut,” and it’s very similar. A relationship falls into a routine because it provides the illusion of security and control—they’re also a recipe for dissatisfaction.
Instead, he encouraged us to keep moving, growing, and exploring, so that we might “live one day as 70 years.” By his count, by staying curious and active, we can stretch our days and prolong our lifetime. This advice is equally applicable to our relationships.
Curiosity shifts our focus from fear to wonder. It invites us to explore and embrace the unknown instead of resisting it. When we approach our partners and our relationships with this kind of transformative curiosity, we open the door to deeper understanding and connection. Here are just a few ways that getting genuinely curious can shift any relationship dynamic:
Dismantling Assumptions: Anxiety often thrives on assumptions. “They’re distant, so they must be upset with me.” “They forgot our plans; they must not care.” Curiosity replaces these assumptions with questions: “I wonder why they seem distant? Could something unrelated to me be on their mind?” It creates thoughtful questions instead of judgments.
Ignites Active Listening: When you’re curious, you’re more likely to listen without judgment or defensiveness. Curiosity is about seeking to understand. Instead of planning your next rebuttal in an argument, you’re truly present with your partner’s words, tone, and emotions and, therefore, really hearing them. And to that end…
It Builds Empathy: Curiosity fosters empathy by encouraging you to see the world through your partner’s eyes. You step out of your shoes and into your partner’s perspective. This deeper understanding can soften your responses, reduce conflict, and drive intimacy.
So how do we get curious in our relationships? Especially when we’ve maybe been in them for 10, 15, 20 years? The good news is that curiosity can always be ignited, and it can transform any moment, conversation, or experience. The next time you are in a terse exchange with your partner or you feel anxiety or a need to control, try one of these things:
Pause Before Reacting: When you feel the urge to control or lash out, pause. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now? What might my partner be feeling?”
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Ask questions that invite dialogue. For example, replace “Why didn’t you text me back?” with “I noticed you didn’t text me back. Is everything okay?”
Explore Your Own Emotions: Get curious about your anxiety. What triggers your need for control? What fears lie beneath the surface? Self-awareness is a powerful tool for change.
Practice Non-Attachment: Curiosity doesn’t require a specific outcome. Instead of trying to “fix” the situation, aim to understand it and trust the process that you’re in.
Releasing control and embracing curiosity doesn’t mean ignoring your needs or letting go of boundaries. Curiosity is an addition, a tool in your existential toolbox. It’s about shifting from a mindset of fear to one of exploration. When you let go of the illusion of control, you create room for deeper intimacy, genuine connection, and—most importantly—peace within yourself.
The next time anxiety creeps in, pause and ask: “What can I learn here?” In the answer, you might find the connection and calm you’ve been seeking all along.
February 5, 2025
Bo: Conquering Our Fears
In the portion of Bo, the Light of the Creator tells Moses not to be frightened, and that they would be going through the upcoming spiritual battle together. Join Monica as she shows us how we too can conquer our fears and walk in a direct path to the Light.
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January 28, 2025
Aquarius: YOU Can Change the World
No challenge too big, passionately independent, and nothing to stop you… this is the energy of the month of Aquarius. It is time for all of us to go beyond our nature, to shift our perspective from limited to limitless, and to solve problems with a renewed consciousness. Aquarians are the rebels with a cause and, whether we were born under this sign or not, we will all get a chance to reinvent the status quo.
Aquarians are rebellious by nature, but they are also idealists. They are not seeking to create chaos but rather to change the world through original thinking and by defying convention. They are known in the cosmic realm to be a channel for improving the world—the do-gooders of the cosmos—standing for justice, challenging power structures, and speaking for those who cannot.
While this sounds absolutely marvelous, each sign comes with its own shadow, and for every opportunity we have, a challenge arrives as well.
Contrary to cultural belief, Aquarians are actually the most stubborn of all the signs. Sorry, Taurus. These folks reject the establishment and fight tooth and nail to maintain their individuality. Their freedom is of the utmost importance, and they detest confinement of any sort. I know Aquarians quite well. My son and oldest sister were born under this sign so take it from me, trying to tell an Aquarius what to do or how to be is a fool’s errand. Their desire for freedom is equaled only by their pride. While they are known as the humanitarians of the zodiac, interpersonally, they can seem aloof.
This is why the challenge and focus this month is removing our pride and practicing radical empathy. This is the time to reexamine the ways we have let our ego run the show—even, and especially when we are doing something “good.” Aquarians live for activism, and although they will move Heaven and Earth for a global cause, they very often lack understanding and compassion for their fellow human beings. Understandably, this does not get them very far, whether collectively or individually.
As you welcome the new moon of Aquarius, ask how you may be pushing away those closest to you. Be mindful of treating everyone you meet with respect, giving the benefit of the doubt in every situation, and becoming aware of when you are withholding love and kindness. This is no easy feat; being brutally honest with ourselves about why we find it easier to be kind to one person and not another takes real humility. Seeing the world through the eyes of someone very different than you requires vulnerability and emotional intelligence.
How compassionate can you be with every person you meet—including yourself?
True spirituality means becoming one with humanity, not being above it. Challenge yourself this month to see the human being behind everyone in your life; your boss, your mother, your child. Where is the common humanity you share with your co-workers? The barista who makes your coffee? Your babysitter? The person you admire most? The homeless person begging for money on the street corner?
How differently would you walk through the world knowing that you are not any better, nor are you any less deserving, than anyone else? Think about that for a moment. If nothing else changed except your awareness of your shared humanity with everyone, how would your day look?
My guess is that kindness would flow effortlessly, compassion would come naturally, and connection would be the order of the day. If we can all use the magic of empathy, vulnerability, and kindness, we could change the world. This is exactly what Aquarius aims to do. It is a beautiful irony. A perfect illustration of how going against your nature brings you the precise growth you are seeking.
Aquarians want to change the world, to challenge faulty leadership, and to create an experience that is equal and supportive for everyone. This month we have the opportunity to do just that by acting on our big ideas with kindness and, as always, with our fellow human in mind.
How do you want to change the world? How can you take action toward this that is based on compassion and kindness? Maybe it is striving to listen more, be more present for your loved ones, or give back to your community in a new way. Whatever it is, follow that inner nudge… you might be blown away by the ripple effect of even the smallest action.
