Monica Berg's Blog, page 5

Ki Tisa: Not Fooling Ourselves

Kabbalists teach that we have two forces within us, one positive and one negative and depending on where our consciousness is at in any given moment is the force that we awaken and lead with. Join Monica as she reminds us not to be fooled into thinking that we cannot fall into our more dormant, negative side and shows us how we may catch ourselves and awaken the positivity within.

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NBC News Daily

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NBC News Daily

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Purim: Vibrational Joy

Rav Berg wrote that “Purim is a special cosmic occurrence that allows for the revelation of Light.” That cosmic occurrence happens today and I love what this day represents. More than that, I love the opportunity it gives us.

Far from being a mere carnival of costumes and revelry, Purim presents a profound invitation: to perceive the universe through the lens of interconnectedness. The kabbalists taught that this day offers us a unique “cosmic window,” a moment when the veil of perceived separation thins, revealing the underlying unity of existence. This may sound like a philosophical abstraction but it’s not. It’s actually a very practical understanding that our individual well-being is inextricably linked to the collective. Consider it a form of emotional physics: the joy we cultivate within acts as a catalyst, triggering a chain reaction that amplifies happiness in the world around us.

Here’s an example: let’s say you choose to greet each person you encounter today with a genuine smile and a kind word. You’re feeling joyful and you just want to share it. That kind word could uplift someone who is in the depths of grief, it could soothe another person who had a frustrating morning, it could amplify the joy that another person was already feeling. In each instance, the energy of everyone is elevated and the elevation will continue to ripple not only through their day, but the day of everyone they encounter. And so on, and so on, and so on. See?

It’s this quantum fact that underscores the powerful narrative of Esther and gives us a pretty straightforward metaphor. She chose to reveal her true identity, an act that risked her very life, as means to defend her people. It’s a reminder that true change often stems from embracing our genuine selves and our most authentic selves are, at their core, an essence of joy. Accessing our true self comes from tapping into the “Light” that resides within, which is not a personal possession or achievement, but a universal force, a unifying energy that permeates all of creation.

But how do we do it? How do we access this Light? How do we translate this understanding of interconnectedness into tangible action? The answer lies in cultivating a mindset of expansive joy. Not the fleeting, superficial kind, but a deep, resonant joy that stems from a recognition of our shared humanity. This joy manifests in acts of generosity, in radical kindness, and in compassion toward ourselves and others. These aren’t just charitable gestures that make us a “good” person—they are expressions the understanding that our happiness is amplified when shared.

Science even backs it up! String theory, as articulated by physicists like Sera Cremonini, suggests that the universe is composed of fundamental vibrating strings, tiny units of energy that connect everything. This aligns with the insights of quantum pioneers like Niels Bohr, who posited a “vibratory field” linking all things. While the intricacies of quantum physics may seem far removed from the festival of Purim, they really aren’t. Our emotions, our actions, our very being, contribute to this vibratory tapestry and when we choose to cultivate more joy, we amplify the positive vibrations within this interconnected web, creating a ripple effect that benefits the entire cosmos.

This Purim, I invite you to move beyond the superficial aspects of celebration and embrace the deeper message: that our individual joy is a potent force for collective transformation. Let us cultivate a joy so radiant that it illuminates the world around us, dispelling the darkness and revealing the inherent unity of all things. As Leonardo da Vinci observed, “Realize that everything connects to everything else.” In this realization lies the true magic of Purim: the power to transform not only ourselves but the world.

Fill yourself with this radiant joy and illuminating Light and know that you’ll be filling everyone around you, as well.

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Every.Body.Talks

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Good Day Atlanta

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4 Myths About Disappointing People

How many times have you gone out when you wanted to stay home?

How many times have you added another meeting to an overscheduled day?

How many times did you take on that extra project when you didn’t have time?

What about the instances where you said “yes” when you really wanted (maybe even needed) to say “no”?

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that disappointing others is a terrible thing. We tiptoe around difficult conversations, stretch ourselves too thin, and say yes to things that don’t work for us just to avoid that dreaded look of dismay in someone’s eyes. I understand completely, I used to find myself here often. That was until I understood that disappointing people is actually necessary for our wellbeing. Sometimes, in order to not disappoint ourselves we will need to disappoint others.

I’m being totally serious. Someone else’s disappointment, as uncomfortable as it may be, is not a sign that we’re failing or hurting people and does not seal the deal on us being an awful person. Quite the opposite. It’s a sign that we’re setting healthy boundaries, standing in our truth, and respecting our own needs. If this feels like a wild assertion, stay with me. There is so much we’ve been conditioned to believe about letting people down so allow me to set the record straight.

Here are four myths about disappointing people—and the truths that will set you free.

Myth #1: If You Disappoint Someone, It Means You’re Letting Them Down
Many of us equate disappointment with failure. We assume that if someone is upset with us, we must have done something wrong. But that’s not necessarily true.

Truth: Disappointment often comes from unmet expectations—not from actual harm.
People expect us to behave a certain way, to always be available, to never change. When we don’t meet those expectations, they feel disappointed—but that doesn’t mean we’ve done something wrong. It just means we’re not living our lives based on their script. (Which we aren’t supposed to do anyway.)

Myth #2: You Should Avoid Disappointing People Whenever Possible
There’s an unspoken rule that “nice” people don’t rock the boat. We’re taught that making others uncomfortable is selfish, that a little self-sacrifice is the price we pay for being loved.

Truth: If you never disappoint anyone, you’re probably doing something wrong. Every time you prioritize someone else’s comfort over your own needs, you chip away at your well-being. You cannot build an authentic, fulfilling life if your primary goal is to keep everyone else happy. The reality is that disappointing others is sometimes necessary to stay true to yourself.

Myth #3: People Will Be Mad at You Forever if You Let Them Down
A big fear around setting boundaries is that people will hold grudges, resent us, or even cut us off entirely.

Truth: Most people get over it—and if they don’t, that’s their issue to work through and really good information for you. Sure, some people might sulk. Some might make passive-aggressive comments. Some might even try to guilt-trip you. But most people, if they truly care about you, will eventually accept your boundaries. And if they don’t? That says more about them than it does about you.

Myth #4: Never Disappointing Anyone Means You’re a Good Person
Many of us carry the belief that being a “good” friend, partner, or family member means never upsetting others.

Truth: You can be kind, loving, and compassionate—and still disappoint people.
Being a good person doesn’t mean being a doormat. It doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs to make others happy. True kindness includes being honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means respecting yourself enough to say no when you need to.

Disappointing people is not a reflection of your worth. It is not a sign that you are selfish or uncaring. When we commit to our authentic selves and our most fulfilled lives, it can be disruptive to the people around us especially if they are used to a version of us that focuses on be pleasing.

Kabbalah teaches that only the things we invest time and energy into will bring the blessings fully back to us. When we are giving out of a need for validation and approval or as a means to avoid conflict, we are giving from a place of ego, not authentic generosity. Anything we receive without effort, we risk experiencing what kabbalists call “the bread of shame” which means to receive without truly earning.

So the next time you feel guilty for setting a boundary, saying no, or prioritizing your needs, remember this: the people who truly love and respect you will survive their disappointment. And so will you.

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Yitro: 4 Daily Remembrances

Kabbalists teach that there are four remembrances we should have in our mind every day of our lives. Join Monica as she shows us how living with these remembrances can create radical change, transformation and growth in our lives.

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Pisces: A Roadmap to Creating Joy

Sometimes, life doesn’t go as planned. I know, shocking right?

Of course, we all know this. We are all very accustomed to things not going our way, best-laid plans going awry, and needing to improvise on the fly. Additionally, we’ve all experienced things unfolding exactly as we envisioned… but we don’t end up feeling the way we expected. The latter, I think, happens more often than we realize but in either case, we’re presented with a choice:

Lament our bungled plans and missed expectations – OR – choose joy?

Choosing joy in the face of these things might feel a little strange, but stay with me. We can’t control what happens to us, around us, or in the world at large. What we can control is how we respond. We tend to tether our happiness to external events—a new job, a big vacation, a marriage, a pregnancy—but circumstances are notoriously unpredictable. They arise, shift, evolve, and disappear.

When we live with the mindset that happiness is tied to “what should have happened” or “what shouldn’t have happened,” life becomes a cycle of frustration and disappointment. What if, instead, we saw life through the lens of choice—choosing where to place our attention, choosing how to feel, choosing how to experience everything?

Pisces season invites us to do just that. This is a time when we can tap into joy that lasts beyond fleeting moments and circumstances. But, like any other month, Pisces season also offers a challenge. While Pisces can teach about great joy, it also requires us to confront the ways we succumb to victimhood. A “victim consciousness” is the belief that our happiness is dictated by forces outside of us. The only way to dismantle this belief is by choosing its opposite. Joy isn’t something we chase; it’s something we cultivate. And like anything worth mastering, it takes practice.

So how do we practice joy? Here are four simple ways:

1. Shake Up Your Routine

Routine keeps us on autopilot. Breaking out of it sparks newness! Whether it’s a walk in nature, a day trip, or a guided meditation, doing something different rewires our brain and awakens joy. A long walk, a chosen moment of stillness, or even trying something outside your comfort zone can work wonders. What’s one small shift you can make today?

2. Make Play a Priority

Joy thrives in playfulness—activities done just for the fun of it. Dance, ride a bike, paint, play fetch with your dog. Play isn’t about achieving; it’s about being present. If you catch yourself turning play into a performance (perfecting that yoga pose, for example), pause. Shift your focus to the sensation you feel, or purposely do it badly and collapse in laughter! Science backs this up—play nurtures social skills, encourages silliness, and strengthens community, all of which amplify joy.

3. Honor Yourself—Often

Joy isn’t something others give us, it comes from within. Too often, we internalize criticism or take things personally and allow it to shape our self-worth. Instead, interrupt negative self-talk with affirmations: I am whole and complete. I did my best. I love myself. The more we affirm, the more we own our joy.

4. Take a Real Break

Solitude is a secret weapon for happiness. Studies show that those who enjoy alone time experience less stress and greater life satisfaction. Schedule time when you have no obligations—no emails, no errands, no responsibilities. Just space to breathe, be, and do nothing. Whether it’s a massage, a nap, or even just spending 15 minutes sitting by a window watching the world pass by. Reclaiming time for yourself reconnects you to joy.

Kabbalist Rav Berg explained that Piscean energy is connected to two worlds: the physical world as we see and experience it, and the spiritual, or unseen, world of energy and emotion. Pisces brings us an opportunity to be in the physical world of shifting circumstances but to choose how we feel and experience it—something that comes from the unseen realms.

This month, remember that joy is a spiritual choice, not a condition. Where we place our attention is what grows. If we focus on what’s missing or unfair, all we’ll find is frustration. But if we shift toward gratitude, presence, and play, we create more moments where joy naturally arises, no matter what is or isn’t going to plan.

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Arguing as a Path to Connection

We’ve all been there—caught in the middle of a heated argument, feeling misunderstood, defensive, or frustrated. Maybe it’s the same topic, maybe it’s a routine, whatever the case may be there is an area in which you’re unable to have effective communication. It all just spirals into a nasty back-and-forth that leaves both people feeling stuck.

Arguments, no matter who they’re with, are no fun. Some of us might even do our best to avoid them but will inevitably end up feeling the same sense of discord… Conflict is not something anyone enjoys but it is a necessary part of relating with others and luckily, it exists on a spectrum. Not every conflict has to be heated and out of control—and accepting it as a natural part of relating can actually support you in transforming all of your relationships… maybe even your relationship with yourself.

That’s right, arguments are imperative for strong, connected relationships.! It all comes down to how you argue.

Let me introduce you to RISA.

RISA stands for Real, Important, Specific, and Aligned, and it serves as a roadmap for healthier, more effective communication during disagreements. It was developed by Harvard Debate Coach and two-time World Debate Champion Bo Seo, who also authored the book Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard. Throughout his career as a professional arguer, he believes that arguments can actually be a pathway to clarity, connection, and progress. Let’s break down each step:

Step 1: Real—Is the Disagreement Real or Imagined?

It sounds kind of silly, but you’d be surprised how often we start an argument about things that are based on misunderstandings or assumptions rather than facts.

Before engaging, pause and ask yourself:

Am I interpreting the situation accurately, or am I assuming intentions that may not be there?

Taking the time to fact-check your assumptions—or even admit that you’re making them—before arguing can prevent so much unnecessary conflict. Sometimes, a simple clarification can defuse tension before it even starts. Asking someone to clarify what they meant can not only save you the heartache but can give the other person a chance to express themselves further.

Step 2: Important—Is This Worth Arguing About?

Once you establish that the disagreement is real, the next question is: “Is this important enough to argue about?”

Arguing about what color to paint a downstairs bathroom isn’t exactly a high-stakes disagreement. Yet, how often have you found yourself arguing passionately about something that… doesn’t really matter?

Ask yourself:

Does this issue affect my values, well-being, or long-term goals?
Will this disagreement still matter in a day, a week, or a year?
If I “win” this argument, will it actually improve the situation, or am I just trying to be right?

This step helps you choose your battles wisely, preventing unnecessary tension over trivial matters. When you stop fighting over minor things, you free up energy to address real issues that matter.

Step 3: Specific—Is the Disagreement Focused Enough to Be Productive?

What are you actually upset about? If you’re unclear, chances are your partner will be too, and the argument will spiral into frustration, blame, or unrelated past conflicts. That’s why the next step is ensuring the issue is specific enough to make progress.

Before engaging, ask:

What is the exact point of disagreement?
Are we tackling one issue, or have multiple concerns become entangled?
Can we break this down into a clear, actionable discussion?

When arguments stay focused, they’re more manageable, productive, and less likely to escalate into personal attacks. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” a more specific version would be: “I felt unheard when you interrupted me during our conversation earlier.”

Step 4: Aligned—Are Both Sides Working Toward the Same Goal?

Endless or repeating arguments typically happen because two people are seeking two different things. One person is seeking an apology, while the other wants to be understood. When goals aren’t clear, arguments become exhausting.

Before arguing, ask:

What outcome am I hoping for?
Does the other person want the same thing? If not, what do they want?
Can we reframe the disagreement so we’re working together toward a shared goal?

Understanding each other’s goals can turn arguments into problem-solving conversations. If two people argue about spending money, for example, they may realize they’re both worried about financial security and can find solutions together instead of fighting.

The beauty of RISA lies in its balance—you’re not sacrificing your needs for the sake of harmony, nor are you bulldozing your partner’s feelings to get your way. Instead, you’re entering into a space of shared understanding where both voices are heard and both perspectives are valued. But this framework can be applied to your relationship with yourself as well. It’s kind of impossible to not be brought into deeper intimacy with yourself through practicing this approach. Apply it the next time that you feel frustrated or critical of yourself.

Opposition is something that the kabbalists teach as being an evolutionary and transformative experience. We’re bound to find it throughout our lives and because relationships serve as vehicles for our deepest growth, the opposition we find within them can be seen as an opportunity—not something to fear or lose ourselves in. There is power in navigating and working with opposition and the RISA framework allows for exactly that.

Arguments don’t have to be negative. When approached through the lens of the RISA framework, they become powerful tools for understanding, growth, and collaboration. So, the next time you find yourself in a disagreement—whether with someone else or with your own inner dialogue—remember the power of reflection, inquiry, sharing, and agreement.

Is it real?
Is it important?
Is it specific?
Are we aligned to the same outcome?

You’ll be amazed at how these four simple steps can transform your conflicts—and your relationships—for the better.

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