Page Turner's Blog, page 131

The Tyranny of Takebacksies and When Hierarchy Goes Mean

Hi Page, 

I have been in a polyamorous relationship for several months now, and everything seemed to be going relatively okay until about a month and a half ago. There were small obstacles along the way, but I was under the impression they’d been overcome.

To start from the beginning: I met my partner Tom† when we ended up sitting next to each other on a train and spoke for the whole ride.  » Read more

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When Dating Someone New Gives You a Better Look at Your Own Annoying Behaviors & Makes You Appreciate Your Other Partners More

I was as hard headed as they come when asking for what I needed. In my case, it was being fed a steady stream of compliments by anyone I dated. It wasn’t enough to receive the same one over and over. No, I wanted a carefully curated mix. “I love you” or “you’re cute” would barely register.  » Read more

The post When Dating Someone New Gives You a Better Look at Your Own Annoying Behaviors & Makes You Appreciate Your Other Partners More appeared first on Poly.Land.

Monogamy as a Choice Rather Than a Default: Do We Really Need Yet Another Way to Be Incompatible?

Hi Page,

I’ve been reading your blog for several months now. I like your writing because I feel like you talk about polyamory and monogamy in ways that are realistic and like you can understand a person pursuing either relationship style, so long as people are treating each other in a healthy way.   » Read more

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PQ 19.6 — How do I feel about sex outside a romantic relationship?

PQ 19.6 — How do I feel about sex outside a romantic relationship?

*

There are times that I’m not sure what “romance” means. At least what it means to other people. Sure, I know the dictionary definition:  “a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.”

Okay, but what kind of love?  » Read more

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PQ 19.5 — How do I feel about group sex and sexual exhibitionism?

PQ 19.5 — How do I feel about group sex and sexual exhibitionism?

*

I feel good about them! I think they are fun and valid forms of sexual expression so long as everyone involved consents to them. No pressuring someone to join an orgy. Or flashing people in the park.  » Read more

The post PQ 19.5 — How do I feel about group sex and sexual exhibitionism? appeared first on Poly.Land.

Now That I’m Sober I Don’t Want to Swing Anymore, But My Husband Does. What Should I Do?

Hi Page,

My husband and I have been swinging. About a year ago I got sober. I’m an alcoholic. Ever since then, I’ve had no interest in going back to swinging, but he won’t stop bringing it up. I’m not sure how to approach this. He’s been caught cheating before,  » Read more

The post Now That I’m Sober I Don’t Want to Swing Anymore, But My Husband Does. What Should I Do? appeared first on Poly.Land.

You Make Me Want to Forget the Facts

I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about you that makes me want to forget the facts. To put aside reality and all the reasons that we shouldn’t be together.

You make me want to just let go. Jump in. Let myself fall.

You make me want to set aside my principles.  » Read more

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Hey, Stop Being So Mean to My Friend: A Self-Compassion Conversational Interrupt

I’m standing in middle of the kitchen, clutching my head out of frustration. “Ugh,” I say. “I just wish I weren’t so freaking stupid sometimes.”

“Page,” Justin says.

I move my hand and look directly into his eyes. “What?”

“Stop being so mean to my friend.”

I crack a smile.  » Read more

The post Hey, Stop Being So Mean to My Friend: A Self-Compassion Conversational Interrupt appeared first on Poly.Land.

Is It Taboo for Polyamorous People to Tell More than One Person “I Love You?”

Hi Page,

I read you a lot, because you offer a really realistic and balanced view about poly. I’m not poly, and probably never will be. Monogamish at best. 

I do wonder about something though, talking to a newer friend of mine, who is polyamorous. His primary relationship is complicated,  » Read more

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Scarier in Theory: Meeting Metamours Can Help Dispel the Worry That They’re Perfect

If you’re anything like me, your imagination is really good at coming up with scary possibilities. When it comes to conjuring up irrational fear, my brain is great at wiping the floor with me.

So of course, this tendency predisposes me to feeling intimidated by new metamours. Basically, everyone’s a supermodel astrophysicist until I meet them.  » Read more

The post Scarier in Theory: Meeting Metamours Can Help Dispel the Worry That They’re Perfect appeared first on Poly.Land.