Page Turner's Blog, page 106

Turn Down the Heat on Difficult People by Staying Medium Chill

A while back, I wrote an article on one of my favorite tools in the quest of maintaining my sanity: The gray rock method.

The gray rock method can be an emotional lifesaver in situations where you’re forced to interact with a manipulative person. Especially one who is good at laying conversational traps and kicking up drama out of nowhere.  » Read more

The post Turn Down the Heat on Difficult People by Staying Medium Chill appeared first on Poly.Land.

People Often Don’t Know Why They Believe Things But Will Come Up With a Reason Anyway

While the study of the nuts and bolts of the human mind is still arguably in its infancy, people have been observing and arguing about human behavior for centuries. Empirical social science is relatively new (with the earliest formal studies only going back to the 19th century) but has managed to make a dizzying number of discoveries and exciting insights about human nature —  » Read more

The post People Often Don’t Know Why They Believe Things But Will Come Up With a Reason Anyway appeared first on Poly.Land.

Hey, Why Don’t You Write About [TOPIC]?

In the course of running Poly Land, I get a lot of feedback from readers via both public comments and private messages.

I do hear a lot from folks seeking advice, and some of these conversations are turned into advice columns. But I also get a lot of outreaches in which the letter writer is advising me somehow.  » Read more

The post Hey, Why Don’t You Write About [TOPIC]? appeared first on Poly.Land.

There *Are* Asexual Polyamorous People, You Know

A lot of people assume that this idea that polyamory is about having loving, committed relationships is all a bunch of hooey.

Secretly, they argue, deep down inside, all polyamorists are looking for is sex. It’s about the sex. The ease of having more access to greater sexual variety. And the ability to have super adventurous experiences like orgies.  » Read more

The post There *Are* Asexual Polyamorous People, You Know appeared first on Poly.Land.

“How Can You Be a Parent and NOT Understand Non-Possessive Love?”

“I have this one friend who’s always getting on me for having an open marriage,” she says.

“Been there,” I say.

“Really?” she says. “What happened?”

“With just that one friend or the others?”

“There was more than one?” she asks.

“Of course.  » Read more

The post “How Can You Be a Parent and NOT Understand Non-Possessive Love?” appeared first on Poly.Land.

When It Comes Down to It, *Everyone* Is Sharing Their Partner

There are things you get used to hearing a lot when you’re in an open relationship. One of those is, “Oh, I could never do that. I wouldn’t want to share my partner.”

One common response to this a lot of people have tried is something like, “I don’t own my partner. I didn’t buy them.  » Read more

The post When It Comes Down to It, *Everyone* Is Sharing Their Partner appeared first on Poly.Land.

Sex Negativity Is Nigh Inevitable When People View Sex as Inherently Disrespectful

Why is it such a controversial thing to be sex-positive? a reader writes. The more I grow and age, the more I think that’s what I need to be. 

*

When I was very little, my mother decided she wanted me to be her sidekick.  » Read more

The post Sex Negativity Is Nigh Inevitable When People View Sex as Inherently Disrespectful appeared first on Poly.Land.

Breakup Season: What Time of Year Do Most Breakups Happen and Why?

January is almost over. It has frankly been a pretty rough month, all told. The polar vortex has settled down here in Cleveland (where I live), bringing with it the brutal cold. Lake effect decided to be a pal and dump a heavy blanket of snow. I was sick for most of the month with a rotten upper respiratory infection.  » Read more

The post Breakup Season: What Time of Year Do Most Breakups Happen and Why? appeared first on Poly.Land.

The Drunk and Sober Versions of You Have Different Memory Banks

“Things’ll fall together eventually,” I say. “Just gotta keep on… shit, how did you put it?”

He cocks his head in the way he does when he’s listening to the question but doesn’t know exactly what I’m asking him.

“I want to say ‘keep on grinding,'” I continue. “But I know you don’t like that expression.”  » Read more

The post The Drunk and Sober Versions of You Have Different Memory Banks appeared first on Poly.Land.

Learning to Recycle the Pain Instead of Regifting It

“I read today’s article, the one about recovery,” she says. “And I think you’re right about spite being a powerful motivator.”

I nod. “Especially when you’re down in it. People tell you that you need to love yourself to be healthy. But when you’re emotionally unwell, it isn’t like self-love is all that accessible.  » Read more

The post Learning to Recycle the Pain Instead of Regifting It appeared first on Poly.Land.