Helene Lerner's Blog, page 66

LIFE IS SHORT SO DON'T HOLD BACK

Life is short so don't hold back. We have held ourselves back in many ways.

How many things did you start but never finished?

What did you leave unsaid that you really wanted to tell a loved one?

What talents keep popping up that you may be pushing down.

The worse thing in life isn't not failing, but not trying--to live with regrets.

Now is the time for personal change. Take one step today, outside your comfort zone.

It may feel scary but it's worth the risk.

Get a Grip on Black Friday Madness

With all the discounts, deals, and new products—how do you not get dizzy by all the things to buy?Too often, you can get swept up in purchasing items you really don’t need. How to stay focused and sane and not get dizzy by all the 50% off signs? That is the question and here are a few tips:

l. Make a list before you shop and only put on items you need.  

That’s right, before you go out the door, be prepared. Comb your closets and see what’s really missing.

2. Compare is to Despair

Don’t look at what your friends have and you don’t. That is a sure way to feel bad about your lot in life.Keep the focus on yourself and the items that would be useful to you.

3. When in Doubt, Leave it Out

If you have to ponder, you probably don’t need it. Trust your gut, you’ll know what’s important to buy and not to buy.

Trisha Yearwood's Delectable Apple Pie

Trisha Yearwood is a busy woman. She’s an incredible singer, a talented chef, and now she’s created her own furniture collection! We caught up with Trisha to ask her a few questions about her latest projects, and we got a delicious apple pie recipe… just in time for the holidays! 

Helene: That apple pie recipe looks fabulous—great for any Thanksgiving table, what makes it so special? 

Trisha: It's special because I make it in a cast iron skillet, so it's a pretty presentation. It's wonderful because it's SO easy to make, and it tastes like it took you all day!

Helene: Congratulations on your furniture collection! It's really very classy—feels balanced and peaceful... how is it a reflection of your own home living? What do you want to convey to people who might purchase the sets? 

Trisha: I really "live" in my home. My life is about comfort and ease, and I wanted my furniture collection to feel just that way. I want people to know that this collection of furniture is about quality and beauty, but also function and comfort.

Helene: Trisha you do it all, cooking show, performing, furniture, stepmom, and I know you've said Garth makes you laugh and he's a lot of fun—do you have any down-time? If so, what do you do? 

Trisha: I honestly don't feel that anything I am doing these days is a "job." You know that saying "if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life"? That's me. But I do love those days when I can sleep in and make the day whatever I want it to be. On those days, I enjoy a good book, a cup of coffee, and maybe a leisurely hike with my husband. Life is good!

Helene: What are your wishes for people during the upcoming holiday season? 

Trisha: I just want us all to be grateful for those we love, to remember those who are still with us in spirit, and to focus on loving one another. (This is also my wish for us every day.)

Trisha Yearwood, Helene Lerner and Garth Brooks

Check out this excerpt from Trisha’s new cook book, Trisha’s Table: My Feel-Good Favorites for a Balanced Life.

Mrs. Carter’s Skillet Apple Pie

My mama was born and raised in Willacoochee, Georgia. I spent a lot of my childhood visiting my grandparents, cousins, and friends in that wonderful town. My mama’s maiden name was Paulk, but family included many more than blood relatives. We played with the Tuckers, Granthams, and Carters and considered them all part of our big family. Some of my fondest memories include get-togethers and potlucks where these great southern ladies prepared the mouthwatering foods that inspired me to cook. I’ve known Mrs. Helen Carter my whole life. When I asked her for this recipe, she was almost embarrassed to give it to me because she thought it was too simple. That’s exactly what I love about it! Garth suggested adding in extra cinnamon sugar… smart guy! SERVES 6

Ingredients 

1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
½ cup (1 stick) salted butter, plus 1 tablespoon melted for crust
2 refrigerated rolled pie crusts (I like Pillsbury)
1 (21-ounce) can apple pie filling
2 tablespoons cinnamon sugar
Vanilla ice cream, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Melt the brown sugar and ½ cup of butter in a 9-inch cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Remove the pan from the heat, and cover with one pie crust.

Pour the apple pie filling on top of the crust, sprinkle with 1 tablespoon of the cinnamon sugar, and cover with the second crust. Brush with the 1 tablespoon of melted butter and sprinkle with the remaining cinnamon sugar.

Bake for 30 minutes, or until golden brown. Serve hot, topped with a generous dollop of vanilla ice cream.

Recipe reprinted from Trisha’s Table by Trisha Yearwood with Beth Yearwood Bernard. 
Copyright ©2015 by Trisha Yearwood. 
Photos by Ben Fink. 
Published by Clarkson Potter/Publishers, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC.

What Can Gratitude Do for You?

Research shows that experiencing gratitude enhances the quality of our lives. And what better time to start practicing gratitude than during the holidays?

In Robert Emmons’s book, Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, his studies indicate that practicing gratitude on a daily basis results in higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism, and energy.

In addition, those who practice gratitude:

 Experience less depression and stressAre more likely to help othersExercise more regularlyMake greater progress on personal goals

Other benefits of practicing gratitude include:

Increased creativityA quicker recovery from adversityA healthier immune systemStronger social relationships

Practicing gratitude does not require a perfect life. It simply means that you are consciously looking for things to be thankful for on a daily basis.

Here are some practical steps you can take to practice gratitude:

1. Create a journal—hard copy or on your computer. 

2. For one week take 5 or 10 minutes—at the beginning or end of your day—and ask yourself the following questions:

What am I grateful for?Whom am I grateful to? Whom should I say “thank you” to? Why? What have I been able to accomplish? Who or what is the source of that accomplishment?Whom can I acknowledge? And for what?What can I acknowledge myself for?

3. After a week of practicing gratitude, jot down any changes you have seen in the areas of creativity, happiness, well-being, and progress towards goals. Also, note anything you’ve discovered about yourself and others since starting the practice.

After you see firsthand the benefits of this, I invite you to commit to a daily practice of gratitude for the rest of this year. (It takes 21 days to establish a new habit, according to one expert.) After that you may want to continue the practice indefinitely!

If you take on this gratitude practice I promise it will make a major difference in your life.

—Ilene Fischer, Partner, Mark Kamin and Associates

Try this Fresh Pumpkin Pie with Cookie Dough Crust

Who doesn't love pumpkin pie, especially during the holidays? But if you want to bring your pumpkin pie to the next level, then try this incredibly fresh recipe from Lisa Oz. 

Ingredients 

Pie Dough

1 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, plus more for shaping and rolling out the dough 3 tablespoons organic sugar1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt1/2 (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes2 large egg yolks 3 tablespoons ice water

Filling

1 sweet or cheese pumpkin, or butternut squash (about 2 1/4 pounds)One 14-ounce can non-GMO condensed milk2 large eggs, beaten1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon1 teaspoon ground cardamom1/2 teaspoon ground allspice1 teaspoon vanilla extract1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

To make the pie dough: Mix the flour, sugar, and salt together in a medium bowl. Add the butter and mix to coat the butter with the flour mixture. Using your fingertips, quickly rub the butter into the flour mixture until it resembles coarse meal. (Or, instead of your fingertips, use a pastry blender.) Stir the yolks and ice water together in a small bowl. Using a fork, add and stir in enough of the yolk mixture until the dough clumps together. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and knead a few times until it is smooth. Shape the dough into a thick disk and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate until the dough is chilled but not hard, 1 to 2 hours. 

Begin the filling: If you’re carving a jack-o’lantern, cut off the top of the pumpkin to make a lid, then use a large spoon to scrape enough of the inner flesh to measure 6 packed cups, leaving the shell intact. If you are just making pie, cut the pumpkin into quarters and scrape out the seeds. Using a sturdy vegetable peeler, peel the pumpkin, and cut the flesh into chunks about 1 1/2 inches square. Place the chunks (or scraped-out flesh) into a large saucepan and add enough cold water to barely cover them. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to medium-low and cover. Simmer until the pumpkin is tender, 15 to 20 minutes. Drain the pumpkin well into a wire sieve. Using a spatula, firmly press the pumpkin to extract excess moisture. Once the pumpkin has cooled, transfer it to a blender and puree until smooth with a thickness similar to canned pumpkin; 2 pounds of pumpkin should yield about 1 cups of puree. 

Position a rack in the bottom third of the oven and preheat the oven to 400°F. Place a large rimmed baking sheet on the rack to heat. 

Unwrap the dough. On a lightly floured work surface, roll out the dough into a 12- to 13-inch round about 1/8 inch thick. Transfer the dough to a 9-inch pie pan. If the dough breaks, just patch it back together. Fold the dough itself under so the edge of the fold is flush with the edge of the pan. Flute the dough. Refrigerate the dough-lined pan to chill for 20 to 30 minutes. 

Whisk the cooled pumpkin, condensed milk, eggs, cinnamon, cardamom, allspice, vanilla, and ginger together. Pour the filling into the dough-lined pan and place on the hot baking sheet. Bake for 15 minutes. Reduce the temperature to 350°F. Continue baking until a knife inserted into the center of the filling comes out clean, about 35 minutes. Transfer to a wire cooling rack and let cool. Cut into wedges and serve. 

Makes 8 Servings

Recipe reprinted from THE OZ FAMILY KITCHEN Copyright © 2015 by Lisa Oz. Published by Harmony Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.

The Secret to Making 2016 YOUR Year

I’ve always found it useful to have a coach. One who can offer perspectives on my work and life challenges and point out whatever unexamined assumptions, limiting beliefs, or blind spots might be getting in the way of my performance. 

When I was running my own startup I had a coach I spoke to every week. As CEO I was regularly confronting the gap between what I knew and what was required to run a company. My coach provided me with important feedback on my ideas and the areas I needed to improve on to be a successful CEO. No matter how difficult the job was at times, I always felt I had a partner I could count on.  

Whether you’re an executive, manager, or individual contributor you may be wondering whether you should hire a coach. Here are 4 good reasons why you should:

You simply want to be more effective in your job. You’ve encountered some barriers to producing the results that need to be produced. You know that a coach can help you to overcome whatever obstacles are in your way of being more successful.   

You’ve had a less than stellar performance review or have been told you need to improve in certain areas. The pressure is on. Your job—or at least your career advancement—depends on your being able to significantly improve your performance.

You’ve been rewarded with a new job or new accountability, but you recognize that what you know is insufficient for what lies ahead. 

You’re already successful at your job, but... you recognize there’s another level of excellence you want to attain and you’ve set a goal for yourself that requires a “leadership makeover” to achieve! You’re playing for the gold.

Of the many CEOs and senior executives I’ve worked with over the last 30 years, the most successful have been the ones most coachable and most open to feedback. Their commitment to learn and grow separates them from the pack. They don’t hide behind what they already know. In fact, they understand that what they already know is often an impediment to exploring new possibilities and opportunities, which a coach can help them to do.

This is a good time of year to evaluate your performance and determine whether or not you can use a coach in 2016. You can start by getting clear about the results you want to produce in the next year. If you decide to move forward with a coach, you may want to experiment with a 3-month contract—to be renewed if you’re satisfied with your progress. 

Just remember: a coach can make all the difference when it comes to changing your reasonable performance to extraordinary performance. 

—Ilene Fischer, Partner, Mark Kamin and Associates

Learn to Speak the Same Love Language

We all express and receive love messages differently. Figuring out how you and your partner experience love can help tremendously in strengthening your relationship. My favorite book on this topic comes from Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.

After forty years as a marriage and family counselor, Dr. Chapman had heard a lot of couples’ complaints. From these complaints he began to see a pattern. What he was hearing were the same stories over and over again. When he reviewed more than a decade’s worth of notes, he realized that what couples really wanted from each other fell into five distinct categories:

Words of Affirmation: Compliments or words of encouragement.

Quality Time: A partner’s undivided attention.

Receiving Gifts: Symbols of love such as flowers or chocolates.

Acts of Service: Settling the table, walking the dog, or doing other small jobs.

Physical Touch: Having sex, holding hands, kissing.

According to the concept, the way you feel loved is also the way you show love. 

Figuring out your partner’s primary love language requires you listen carefully to both positive responses and complaints. 

Quite simply, you have a particular way you experience love. Because you can only truly receive love that way, you are likely to give love that way too. Yet you can learn to give love in other ways, ways that can be better received by your partner because of your partner’s own love language. 

Learning how you and your partner experience love is the bridge to both giving and receiving it fully. Through conscious decision making, you can choose to speak your partner’s language every day. It is one of the fastest methods to bring you closer together. 

To get more of Arielle’s great advice, preorder her new book Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate. The book is on sale December 29 2015, but order your copy today!

Photo Credit: Carl Studna 

 

8 Tips to Help You Get the Job You Want

Let’s say you’ve given a lot of thought to whether your current job is right for you. You’ve finally come to a decision: it’s time to move on.

Now what do you do? How do you start this process? 

Here are 8 actions steps you can take:

Imagine the future
What would you love to be doing one to three years from now? Write down: What’s the kind of work that would make you excited to get out of bed in the morning? What industry do you want to be working in? What position and responsibilities are you looking for? What contribution can you make? 

Have a safety net
It’s prudent to keep your current job while you look for a new job. But if you’re so miserable in your present job that it’s affecting your health and you have savings to cover you (preferably for 6 months), take the leap earlier. This also forces you to get serious on your search. 

Strengthen your resume
There are many resources to help you build your resume—from paid advisors to free internet advice. Get clear about the type of resume that will produce the result you want. 

Don't burn bridges
Think through who in your workplace would be good references for you. Make sure you strenghten those relationships, so they don't fall apart once you leave.

Have your recommendations ready
Make a list of other references you can use, including people you’ve worked with in past jobs who would give you glowing recommendations.

Let family, friends, and colleagues know your plans
Research shows that at least half of all jobs come through informal channels. Your personal relationships are critical in your job search. Attend networking events to meet new colleagues and form new relationships. 

Share your tips
Keep in regular touch with colleagues who are also looking for work. The more helpful you are in giving them advice and sharing resources, the more helpful they’ll be for you.

Learn about your local job market
Find out what industries are growing and what businesses are staffing up. Find out what it’s like to work for those companies—from your personal network or from anonymous employee reviews at glassdoor.com.

Once you’ve found the job you want to apply for, the next game begins. But these 8 steps will get you up to that point.

The holiday season is the perfect time for you get started on your search, so you can find the job you want and begin doing the work you love.

—Ilene Fischer, Partner, Mark Kamin and Associates

Live the Life You Want

Karen Dillon has been named one of the Most Influential Women by the Ashoka Changemakers Foundation. Now she shares her secrets to achieving happiness in her professional and personal life. Influenced by the advice of Harvard Business Professor, Clay Christensen, Karen helped co-write his novel, How Will You Measure Your Life?, along with her colleague Harvard Business Review‎ writer, James Allworth. 

Here’s her advice for how you can find and follow your passions. 

Was there someone who encouraged you no matter what?

My dad always encouraged my sister, brother and I. He wanted us to follow our dreams and find what would make us happy. I took this very seriously. I still have the sticky note he left me when I graduated: “Live your Dreams. Love, Dad.” That's what I've tried to do.

What influenced you to co-write, How Will You Measure Your Life? What was the experience like?

It was an interesting turn of events. I was in my mid-40's and a close friend had just died from cancer. I was at this place in my life where I asked, “What's it all about?” I had recently interviewed Clay Christensen for an article. After I left his office, my whole life changed. It made me question: What was I achieving in my life? A year later I figured out what to do. I quit my job as an HBR editor and began working on the book.

How did your interview with Clay turn your life around?

He told me the 3 questions he always asks his students:

How will you find happiness in your professional life?How will you find happiness in your personal life? How will you stay out of jail?

I had two little girls who didn't realize that they were the most important people in my life. I decided to shift my priorities and decided to be a full-time mom and a part-time editor, and I've been very happy because of it.

What advice would you give your younger self, who’s just starting out?

The same advice I give my children:

You can’t make a mistake if you choose a job that makes you happy. Build your choices around that.Don’t make your decisions based on what your parents want or what pays the most. Find something that has meaning to you.“If you love the work you do, you'll never have to work a day in your life.” Finding and following your passion is the only way to achieve career happiness.

7 Telltale Signs it is Time to Leave Your Job

The unemployment rate is lower than it’s been in seven years. When the labor market is improving, that’s a good time to reevaluate your job and career. Ask yourself:

Are you satisfied with your work? Are your efforts and accomplishments appreciated?Are you able to make a difference with the people you work with? Does your current job provide a pathway to your career goals?

If you answered no to any of these questions, you may want to use the holidays to reflect on what you’d really like to be doing. Then you can retool your resume and get started on your job search. The end of the year is the perfect time to envision where you want to be a year from now—and 5 or 10 years from now!

But first let’s take a closer look at your current job. Here are 7 telltale signs that it’s time to move on. 

You’re just not excited about your work. When your alarm goes off in the morning, you’d rather go back to sleep. Your job isn’t fun, interesting, or challenging.

You and your boss are not on the same page. You’ve had difficulty supporting him or her—and it’s not getting better. Most people leave their job because of conflict with their manager.

You’re frustrated with the organizational bureaucracy and find it nearly impossible to accomplish anything important. There are too many barriers to getting things done in your organizational culture. 

There are constant reorganizations taking place and a revolving door of managers. It would be nice to have some stability in your work life for a change.

Your job is so demanding and the workload so excessive you have no time for family, friends, or other interests. You’re tired of doing so much work after work.

You feel unrecognized. Your talents are underutilized and underappreciated.

It’s not getting you any closer to your career goals.

If you can relate to several of these, it’s time to take action! And this is the best time of year to be doing that. [In my next post I’ll give some tips on that.]

Life is too short to not be doing work you love. 

—Ilene Fischer, Partner, Mark Kamin and Associates