Helene Lerner's Blog, page 48

3 ways to get in a good mood right away

Sometimes we get up with a negative mindset, how to get rid of that? Here are 3 ways...

1. Start your day over. Right now, you can switch your mindset to gratitude. Take note on what you have to be grateful for.

2. What do you really want to do, not "have to"? Make sure that one thing on your list is something you totally ENJOY. And look forward to doing it.

3. Use positive words. Watch your language--negative words, create negative moods, and attract negativity. Use words of praise and acknowledgment.

6 Quotes To Help You Lighten Up

6 Quotes To Help You Lighten Up (Don’t take yourself so seriously)

1. “I think if you can dance and be free and not embarrassed, you can rule the world.”

- Amy Poehler 

2. “I picked up an issue of Cosmopolitan the other day that had tips for job interviews, because I was like, ‘I need to get better at interviews.’ The article was basically about how to get someone not to hate you in 20 minutes. Every single thing they told you not to do, I was like, ‘I do that every day.’”

- Jennifer Lawrence

3. “At parties, I'll start talking and notice everyone is looking at me and feel dumb and say, 'Forget it,' and then start eating things.”

- Kristen Wiig

4. “I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world.”

- Ellen DeGeneres

5. “I may be a senior, but so what? I'm still hot.”

- Betty White

6. “I’m also the recipient of a lot of backhanded compliments about it, where people are like, ’It’s so nice that Mindy Kaling doesn’t feel she needs to subscribe to the ideals of beauty that other people do.’ And I’m like, I do subscribe. They’re like, ’It’s so refreshing that Mindy feels comfortable to let herself go and be a fat sea monster!’ By the way, I run and work out. It takes a lot of effort to look like a normal/chubby woman.”

- Mindy Kaling

3 Ways Confident Women Say What’s on Their Minds

There are times when you want to assert yourself, but you pull back, why? Someone might not like you? You don’t want to alienate the person? Well, confident women may think that, but they tell it like it is.  And they do this by:

Listening: Most of us don’t really listen and are thinking about our own agenda. Confident women hear what’s really going on so that they can address the issue.  

Being Direct: Saying what’s on their mind. Nothing is vague. People clearly know where they stand.

Being Succinct: They speak in clear, short sentences and don’t go on and on because it’s a waste of energy.

3 Ways To Help A Friend In A Funk

You and your girlfriend generally get along great. But as the universe will have it, there are times when she gets moody. You get that it’s not your fault, but her mood is bringing you down too. Here are some ways to salvage your time together…

1. Don’t fuel the fire.
Do you ever find yourself mad at someone for being mad at you? That’s because moods are contagious. Don’t give into the temptation to mimic their mood. As soon as you feel yourself getting down, recognize what’s really happening. 

2. Talk it out.
As her close friend, you know when something isn’t right. Give her the option to vent. Sometimes getting the negativity out in the open helps alleviate a mood. Maybe you will be able to relate, or have some advice to give.  

3. Pull her out of her mood.
Maybe she just needs a little push to get out of her funk. Watch a funny movie, or go do something fun together. A distraction might be just what she needs.

 

- Bre Glynn

3 Ways to Pick Yourself Up When You Are Heartbroken

The End. That’s what it can feel like when you’re deep in heartache. The pain seems to be all you have known and all you will ever know! 

“Oh everyone faces heartache, you’ll be fine,” they say. Maybe that’s true, and maybe they just don’t want you to feel alone, but too often that comes across as, “You’re being a baby. Suck it up.”

In the midst of struggle, oftentimes we want to be rescued by someone. Unfortunately, too often we are disappointed: a mentor tries to bring comfort but fails to say or do the right thing, your friend flat out ignores your pain, or your sister offers an emotionless “sorry,” as she retreats into her own tasks. While there are times someone actually does come to the rescue with the perfect solution, there is a failsafe remedy to find strength when things fall apart. The answer? YOU! There are ways you can support you perfectly, every time, because, ultimately, you are the expert on your situation.

In the midst of struggle, YOU can:

1. Take time for yourself. This will look different for each person and even each situation. Try time outside in nature, exercise, meditation, dancing to your favorite song on repeat, eating a healthy treat (dark chocolate is my personal favorite), napping, or even binge watching your favorite TV show. Remember, only you know exactly what you need. 

2. Recall and remember another time when you experienced heartache. It can be big or small, recent or far in the past. Now remember this important fact: it ended. While there may still be similar situations occurring, this specific situation is over and in the past. Remember that this heartache, too, will be in the past. As a bonus, remember a good experience that happened after that pain. It could have been days, weeks, or months later, but no doubt there was good in your past, and without a doubt there will be good things to come. 

3. Know you are the woman for the job. You have strengths within you that are greater than this pain you are experiencing. If you don’t feel that right now, take my word for it: you are the woman for this job, and you are stronger than this heartbreak! As Nicole Reed said, “Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” Bring it on!

- Jennie Swenson

3 Ways To Fight Back When You Feel Caged In

We hear a lot about kindness these days, but sometimes you feel like your toes are being stepped on. You want to fight back but the wrong response will make it worse. Cortisol is released when you feel stepped on, and it surges when you contemplate a fight. You can end up feeling like a trapped animal, even though you don’t consciously think that. We’ve inherited cortisol from our animal ancestors, and when you know how it works, you can guide your inner mammal through a conflict more effectively.

1. Narrow Your Objective
Cortisol tells your brain to scan for threats. You find lots of potential threat signals when you look because your brain is designed to do that. You can easily expand your conflict to impossible proportions. To adjust for this brain quirk, consciously focus on a concrete solution to the pain in your toes. When you have a goal and approach it, your brain releases the great feeling of dopamine. You succeed at turning a bad feeling into a good feeling if you resist the urge to fight everything that bugs you at once. A lion will never catch a gazelle if it’s thinking about all the gazelles it has missed before. It succeeds by narrowing its focus.

2. Prepare a Plan B
Your cortisol will surge if Plan A hits a snag. Have an alternative ready to prevent feeling like a gazelle who can’t find an escape route. Plan B eases threatened feelings so your ability to execute Plan A will improve.

3. Build a Sense of Safety
It’s natural to have life-or-death feelings about a conflict because cortisol evolved to command your attention. A gazelle stops paying attention to food when a lion approaches, even if it’s hungry. Nothing else seems to matter once a threatened feeling starts. Fortunately, your body metabolizes and excretes cortisol in 2 hours. If you wait for it to pass, you will fight for yourself more skillfully. First pull out your toes if they’re being actively stepped on, of course. But don’t get into a thing with the stepper until you’ve spent two hours doing something that does not trigger you. If you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be fighting.

A Caution About Kindness
When you hear talk of “kindness,” you may get the idea that “the world is supposed to be kind to ME.” The world does not live up to that expectation, alas, and disappointed expectations trigger cortisol. You can end up with a lot of cortisol. It helps to know that it promotes survival by steering us toward realistic expectations. When a lion fails in its chase, cortisol makes it feel bad, which stops it from wasting energy on that pursuit and frees it to find a better opportunity.

You may not like realistic expectations. You may not like those nature videos of monkeys stuffing their cheeks and running off to a safe spot before they swallow. I am not saying you should stuff your cheeks and run; I’m saying you can remind yourself that everyone has the same threatened and defensive feelings that you have because the mammal brain goes there. We can congratulate ourselves for finding common ground with our troop mates instead of yielding to our first impulse. We mammals have conflict because we live in groups, but we can give ourselves credit for negotiating that conflict. Your toes will feel better.

 

 

 

 

More simple tips to manage your mammalian brain chemistry in my book, Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain your brain to boost your serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and endorphin levels; and at my website, InnerMammalInstitute.org.

10 Ways To Get What You Want

How can you get what you want in life?

Never…

• Never doubt your abilities

• Never take for granted what you have

• Never let others distract you from your goal

• Never doubt how far you’ll advance

Always remember…

• Be the best version of yourself

• Gratitude leads to great opportunities

• Your path is unique

• Your opportunities are vast

• It’s never too late

• Go for what you want

Video Editor: Melenie McGregor

7 Reasons We Need Best Friends

• Because they give us honest advice

• Because they laugh at the same silly things we do

• Because they celebrate with us at our best, but love us at our worst

• Because friendship is ageless

• Because they’re the ones that love you just as you are

• And show up when you need them most

• Because they will be there for us, even if they’re thousands of miles away

4 Tips for Surviving Office Politics

You don’t want to play office politics? That’s like saying you’d rather be a pawn than a queen on chess board.  Those who ignore office politics – the reality of alliances, visibility and influence with or without authority –risk getting mauled or swept off the workplace chess board. 

If you’d like to play office politics effectively yet with integrity, follow these guidelines. 

Learn how things work
Every organization has unique politics, born out of those who run things.  If you want to survive and thrive in your organization’s politics, learn how things work.  What results do the decision-makers value? Who are the influencers in your organization? Who is respected and what is it they do? How are decisions made?  What minefields exist?  Who champions others? What cliques exist? Who gets along with whom?   

Play with integrity
Contrary to myth, those who play dirty politics achieve only short-term results. Eventually, they build a negative image and lose their influence. Then others, sometimes those who play even dirtier, take them out. 

If you want a long-lasting relationship in your organization, operate with integrity. When others trust you, and realize you operate according to “how can you and I both win,” you win trust, respect and friends.  

Develop a wide network
Those who win at office politics develop strong and mutual relationships. Get to know your organization’s decision-makers and those on whose support you’ll depend. When you interact with them, don’t approach these connections from a perspective of “how can I use you?” but from a “what matters to you?” and “how can we both work together and support each other” basis.

Although most organizations segment into castes and cliques, and many individuals hang out only with those similar to them, try for relationships that cross the formal hierarchy in all directions (peers, those with less status and those higher than you on the organization’s chart). 

You’ll forge strong alliances if you support others, share credit and deliver on promises. While it may be counter-intuitive, you’ll benefit from getting to know those don’t like, as in “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Impeccable behavior 
If someone trusts you with sensitive information, keep their confidence. 

In terms of gossip, don’t listen to it. Don’t add to it. Don’t bitch, mudsling, or complain. These activities offer short-term excitement but produce no results and damage your credibility.

If others attack you below the belt, don’t sink to their level. You’ll both regret your unprofessionalism and look bad. 

Four keys to surviving and thriving at office politics – learning, integrity, networking, and acting with impeccable behavior.  

 

 

 

 

© 2016, Lynne Curry, professional coach and author of Solutions and Beating the Workplace Bully. Follow her on Twitter @lynnecurry10 or on workplaceocoachblog.com.

3 Stress Relievers for When You Feel Pressured

Too much to do; too little time: There are so many things that can cause you to feel an uncomfortable sense of pressure: project deadlines, performance demands, sudden unexpected responsibilities, as well as your important personal responsibilities – a parent’s unexpected decline in health, a child not doing well in school. Add to these the pressures you may be placing on yourself because you want to excel at everything you do and triple this if you are a perfectionist!

Pressure can have a negative effect on your effectiveness and well being: Notice your internal state when the pressure is on. Is there a negative effect on your well being? Are you anxious, worried? Are you having a less than desired effect on your performance at work and your life in general? Are you falling behind, losing sleep? If so, it’s time to elevate your approach to one that is more effective. Here are some steps to doing so… 

1. Approach makes all the difference: You want to move yourself from feeling buried by all you have to do to being on top of all you have to do. How you do that begins with providing yourself with a comprehensive overview of all that is contributing to the pressure you are feeling. Not unlike emptying a messy drawer to neatly reorganize its contents, the process of gaining a comprehensive overview is a first step in getting on top of it all. Different from writing a to-do list, here you are grasping and observing the urgent tasks currently competing for your time and attention. 

2. Getting to the heart of the matter: What can someone else do? What can wait? What can’t? Now you’ve stabilized your thoughts and gotten them to stand still on the page. From there you can choose what your true priorities are: what can wait, what can’t, what can someone else do? Then it’s on to a critical step – insuring your success with the one that troubles you the most. 

3. Defining the best possible outcome: Focusing on the hardest task or project you’re dealing with, ask yourself: what is the best possible outcome for this project? Write that down. Now, as if you have already achieved this outcome, write down the steps you took that got you there. Then, looking at your schedule, block off the time slots you will dedicate to taking those steps.

Getting to the finish line in a better way: The continual, unrelenting volume of things crowding your to-do lists can leave you feeling overwhelmed.  It’s important to remember that all things are truly accomplished one step at a time. Clarifying the most important steps to take and organizing your time will greatly increase your effectiveness and your well being. You can transform pressure into an effective, organized strategy to get yourself to the finish line – every time.  You can transform the negative state of feeling pressure into a positive state in which you are truly able to be more effective on your own behalf.

 

 

 

Jane Firth, M.Sc., career coach and founder and President of Firth Leadership Partners