Helene Lerner's Blog, page 50

6 Quotes To Help Soothe Your Sadness

1. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that's left. I'm lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.

- Lady Gaga

2.I always joke about letting the haters motivate you. Everybody has that in their life, people who doubt them or make them feel less than they are. It just takes faith and belief in yourself, and you've got to dig deep into that. That has to come from you - nobody's going to give you that.

- Jennifer Lopez

3. I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, we don't like that. It's great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you're worried about. I find flaws attractive. I find scars attractive.

- Angelina Jolie

4. When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness. 

- Nicole Kidman

5. That’s my advice to people. You can’t get hung up on thinking, “Am I the victim in this situation?” No, I’m in charge of it.

- Mindy Kaling

6. There's no magic bullet; there's no pill that you take that makes everything great and makes you happy all the time. I'm letting go of those expectations, and that's opening me up to moments of transcendent bliss.

- Anne Hathaway

4 Ways To Deal With Rude People When They Are Not Aware They Are Rude

It’s never ok to let someone treat us in a way that’s disrespectful. That being said, there are times where we let it go because it simply isn’t worth our time and effort. Instead we tell ourselves that they’re probably having a bad day, it’s not about us, or we walk away from the negativity. But what about those people in our lives that don’t realize they’re being rude? When do we put our foot down and decide it’s not OK?  

1. When their jokes aren’t funny and they’re mean.
They continuously make jokes without any regard for our feelings and we find ourselves consumed by anger and resentment instead of laughter. Who wants to feel like someone has that much control over our emotions? Instead of letting it go, we need to sit them down and tell them how they are affecting us. 

2. When they’re wasting our time. 
It starts off as being only a few minutes late so we don’t say anything. But now they’re showing up late to almost everything and it has gotten to the point where they don’t even call to let us know. We don’t say anything because we want to avoid the conflict but they take our lack of response as no big deal. Instead of letting it slide, we need to speak up and let them know that it’s not OK. Our time is just as important as theirs. 

3. When they’re invading our space.
If you’ve watched the Pantene commerical, ShineStrong, then you know all about women apologizing too often. Specifically speaking, we’re entitled to our space. When someone is in our space, a lot of women feel this pressure to move, apologize for being in the way or make themselves smaller. Stop right there! We have just as much right to be there and it’s up to us to own our space and our presence in a room.

4. When they’re being too pushy. 
If a friend or colleague gives us some advice. That’s fine. But when they try to push that advice on us as if it’s the only alternative. That isn’t so fine. We can appreciate their input (to get them off our back) and then do it the way we see fit.

Secrets of Highly Successful Women

What can you learn from highly successful women? 

Surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart

Do things that challenge you. Don’t take the easy way out

Be generous share what you’ve learned with others

If plans don’t work out, know something better is on its way

Let people know what you’re proud of 

 

Our Wish for Strong Girls Around the World

Understand the truth of your own beauty

When your time comes, have a STRONG voice for what you believe in

Believe that what you do today will have a great consequence in your future

Make your future be everything you dreamed it would be

Do not allow society to limit the things you can accomplish

You are even STRONGER when you work together. Girls united = girl power

Be steadfast and immovable in what you know is true and right

Never change who you are for anyone

Become a woman who is BOLD, strong, kind

The Spirit of a Strong Woman

The Spirit of a Strong Woman

Watch our video below:

A strong woman loves, forgives, walks awayNo matter what life throws at her, she’s not afraid to take chances and whatever happens, good or bad, she learns the lesson and moves onShe is wise beyond her years, and relies on an inner sense of what is rightShe offers a helping hand even when struggling with her own personal demonsHer desire to make the world a little better fuels her soul and motivates her days

To all our strong sisters, we thank you for your generosity of spirt!

Video Editor: Christian Motos

 What Makes a Woman Powerful?

 

 What Makes a Confident Woman? 

 Women of Impact: Inspiring Action and Change

5 Ways To Stop Overthinking And Stressing Yourself Out

Does anyone ever tell you that you think too much? That you’re making a big deal out of nothing? Are you having trouble making a decision because you keep changing your mind before it’s made up? If you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious about something, you might be overthinking. Here are some tips to help you chill:

Understand the root cause
More than likely, if you’re overthinking, it’s because you are afraid of making the wrong decision. Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as fearlessness. If you are thinking about doing something that is outside of your comfort zone, it’s NATURAL to feel afraid. You are entering unfamiliar territory. Once you realize that fear is normal, you allow yourself to stop worrying about making a mistake.

What’s this really about?
Do you have a big decision to make and you keep going back and forth? A pro-con list can help you see what benefit you can gain from each option. Or, do you know what your end goal is, but you can’t figure out exactly how to get there? Write down everything that needs to be done to get you where you want to be, and make a plan. Once you put everything that’s in your head on paper, you can sort through the chaos that your mind has created and start to make some sense of it.

Don’t sweat the small stuff
Now that you’ve written down all of your thoughts, take a step back and look at the big picture. Are you hung up on one minor detail and losing sight of what’s important? Remember what your mission is. You’ll never get there if you don’t STOP thinking and START DOING.

Get some exercise
As Elle Woods said, “Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy…” No matter what you’re down about, a good run or an hour of yoga will make a world of difference. Physical activity will give you a chance to step away from the problem for a while, put you in a better mood, and, in the long run, improve your health.

After everything is said and done…
You’ve done your due diligence, looked at your options, but something is telling you to take another action. Your gut is usually right. Trust it.

4 Ways To Stop Doubting Yourself

Why is it that sometimes you doubt yourself, lose your confidence in your ability to succeed, shy away from taking that all important step for fear of failing? The reasons have to do with an internal critical voice that will tell you all the reasons why you don’t have what it takes, why you don’t measure up, and why you shouldn’t even bother trying. I call this voice the Negator, because it negates your value, abilities, and sense of confidence in yourself. 

When you question yourself—wish you had said it differently, done it differently—some of that questioning is useful in helping you do it better next time. 

Here are four simple steps to tame the Negator… 

Using a notebook that is for your eyes only, for one week:

 

Write down the messages the Negator wants you to believe about yourself.Identify and write down the situations in your life and in your relationships where the Negator asserts itself and grabs your attention.Identify and write down the fears and doubts the Negator plays on in your life.Decide on three things you will do toward accomplishing an important goal: What actions will I take to further my goal, despite what the Negator tries to tell me is not possible?

 

By identifying the messages you are listening to when you start to doubt yourself and lose confidence, you take a first step in the right direction. Ignoring a message like “you don’t have what it takes,” or “you will never succeed at this,” will help you succeed in taking power away from the Negator and giving it back to yourself. Where it belongs.

 

 

 

 

Jane Firth, M.Sc., career coach and founder and President of Firth Leadership Partners

 

 5 Ways to Get Back up When You Are Really Down on Yourself

 4 Tips for Standing up to Someone Who Puts You Down

 5 Ways to Boost Your Mood When You Are Feeling Down

6 Quotes That Inspire Confidence After A Setback

1. Never be afraid to be kicked in the teeth. Let the blood and the bruises define your legacy.

- Lady Gaga

2. I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world. I run my world.

- Beyoncé Knowles

3. A lot of things can be possible, things that I would never, ever, ever have believed in and that is only because I have had some incredible women supporting me so that is probably what I wanted to say to some young girls, just keep on doing it, I guess.

- Alicia Vikander 

4. No matter what you're going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you'll find the positive side of things. 

- Demi Lovato

5. You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world's problems at once but don't ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own. 

- Michelle Obama

6. I don't think of myself as a poor deprived ghetto girl who made good. I think of myself as somebody who from an early age knew I was responsible for myself, and I had to make good. 

- Oprah Winfrey

5 Ways the Warrior Woman Armors Up Against Rejection

A brave and confident woman, like yourself, is typically up to some BIG things, which means she stopped playing it safe and got out of her comfort zone. And guess what happens when we jump into the fire? Sometimes we can get burnt! Bad reviews, hurtful feedback, break-ups, and blow-offs -- a risk-taking woman feels rejection like we all do.

Rejection is almost like a physical punch to the gut or a slap on the face. AND, she is ready to take it on, because the warrior woman responds by strengthening her mind and her body. She builds her personal armor to withstand rejection, as she rises up to greet the life of her dreams. Here’s how you can do it too.

Develop thick skin
The first thing a confident woman learns is to toughen up! She may hear comments about herself she doesn’t like, or get rejected by a social group she was hoping to join, but her first principle is not to take anything personally. Feedback is information, not “truth”. It is neither good nor bad, and it only has the value and power she chooses to give it. If it’s valid she can learn and grow from it. If not, move on!

Clear your mind
She stays present, she learns from the situation. Romantic rejection -- when someone leaves us, we are blown off, or get cheated on -- can be the most gut-wrenching pain we feel. A warrior woman uses the strength and clearness of her mind over her emotions. Even when it hurts, she continues to analyze and assess what is good for HER. She knows that when love and commitment are not reciprocated, it is no longer a good place to be.

New eyes
As Marcel Proust so eloquently puts it, “discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” The warrior business woman naturally uses her inner eye when faced with rejection. Starting out as an entrepreneur can sometimes feel like an uphill struggle with all the passersby ready to say NO! She reframes the experience in a way that allows her to make lemonade out of the lemons. When one door shuts, another one opens, she uses her new inner eye to find that door to walk through it and achieve her goals.

Lead with your heart
The word courage has roots in the word “coeur” meaning heart. You need strength of heart to take on challenges, including rejection. The warrior woman has made leading with the heart a practice in the game of her life. As she gets her NOs from universities, she doesn’t think it is a catastrophe, that her plans for a good education are no longer possible. You only need ONE YES to move to the next step and it can come from somewhere least expected.

Keep your chin up
Sitting across from an unsmiling coop or condo board, waiting to get approved for the perfect apartment, she may fear rejection. And yet she knows not to let her uncertainty trip her up. By simply straightening her shoulders and keeping her chin up, she feels the energy and confidence flow back into her body. She keeps in mind that this is not the only home out there for her. So while it’s not ideal, she decides to stop worrying about something she can’t control and focuses on making the best impression she possibly can.

Breathe
She doesn’t underestimate the importance of breathing. When she didn’t get her dream job or got passed over for a promotion, she doesn’t let the rejection define her. She breathes and realigns with her vision of who she is and where she wants to go. The rejection does not need to be the TRUTH about who YOU are, it is specific to that experience. The warrior woman directs her own truths. Confidence and calmness generate a resilience that allows her to bounce right back.

Using all parts of her body’s armor, the warrior woman knows she can take the gut-punches and rejections that life always offers and never stop working on her DREAM LIFE.

How do you protect yourself from rejection?

Share your thoughts on my Facebook page or join me @CoachLeena.

 

 

 

 

Leena Roy, CFA/CPC is a Professional Coach for Managers. A program designed to elevate and empower Mid-level Managers & Professionals to achieve their highest potential.

 

 

 5 Things a Confident Woman Does NOT Have to Put Up With

 6 Things a Confident Woman Does NOT Have to Apologize For

 5 Mistakes Confident Women Vow Never to Make Again

3 Ways To Handle A Tough Conversation With Someone Who Works For You

Imagine that someone you manage fails to come through with what is promised over and over again. You are not sure what to do because in other ways they are valuable to the team. You feel frustrated but you don’t like the idea of having to confront the situation. 

You are not alone. Many leaders and managers view confrontation as a negative experience they’d rather avoid. But what if there was a way to gain objectivity with the emotion involved and have an interaction that could lead to a resolution of the problem? 

In general, what are the steps involved? 

Tune in to the emotional reactions you are having without judging yourself for having themUse your emotional reactions to gain clarity and objectivityTake effective action from the clarity and objectivity you gain

In this case we are focusing on frustration. Here’s a way you can effectively tune in to the frustration you are feeling so that you can see your responsibility in the matter, see the other person’s responsibility in the matter, and choose an objective approach. 

1. On a piece of paper answering the following:

What happened? Why am I feeling frustrated? What is my responsibility in what has occurred?What is theirs? 

2. Clarify responsibility:

It’s a common mistake to think you should be able to control someone else’s behavior – even if that person reports to and is accountable to you. As a leader or manager your responsibility is not to control their behavior, but to establish the agreed upon, clearly defined expectations, goals, and priorities they are accountable for. Their responsibility is to come through and be someone who can be counted on to deliver what is expected of them. If they don’t, that is not your responsibility. But it is your responsibility to hold them to account. 

3. Take charge objectively:

The crux of the matter rests on overcoming confusion about responsibility. Your part: Look and see if you’ve given them clear direction, if you’ve clearly defined the responsibilities and expectations for their role. Their part: They are responsible for how they perform, how they meet their responsibilities, and whether their behavior contributes to the teams’ efforts to accomplish the organization’s goals and objectives – or not. 

You can then let them know that you would like this to work out, but that it is up to them to do what is required. After saying you’d like this to have a good resolution, you need to understand where they stand: 

I need to understand your intent, and your commitment. Mine is to have this work out well; that the reports you are responsible for are in on time on a consistent basis. We all have times when we are pressed and need to renegotiate a deadline, but we’re dealing here with something that has been happening month after month. What can I count on you for? 

Listen for their response. You are giving this person a chance to rise to the occasion, and come through responsibly in their role. If in the end they don’t, and you have to take further steps, you can have the confidence of knowing that although you don’t have control over whether they come through or not, you faced the frustration you were feeling and offered them a chance to succeed going forward. You can’t succeed for them, but you can sincerely offer them the opportunity and they just might take you up on that. 

 

 

 

 

Jane Firth, M.Sc., career coach and founder and President of Firth Leadership Partners