Helene Lerner's Blog, page 51
March 1, 2016
4 Ways You Know A Friendship Is Worth Keeping
1. They listen with intent to understand
As Stephen R. Covey puts it, ““Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” When you speak to a close friend you want to be able to be candid with them. You want to speak without fear of judgment. A friend who makes you feel understood and heard is one worth keeping.
2. You communicate well
As in any friendship, there will be times when you aren’t getting along. When you have a friendship that has a solid foundation of love and respect you learn to communicate to solve problems. You never let it be about anger or name calling because you don’t want to hurt each other.
3. They’re behind you every step of the way
If your friend is anything like you, she’s probably a strong and intelligent woman. She will have opinions about the choices you make. However, what makes her a great friend is instead of steering you in the direction she thinks you should go, she trusts your decision and supports you to do it.
4. When they say something, they mean it
There are times when we need someone to simply say what they mean and mean what they say. When we ask our friend their opinion or when they tell us they’re going to do something, we trust that they’ll come through.
5 Reasons Girlfriend Therapy is the BEST Therapy
Say hello to our March Career Coach!
Jane Firth, M.Sc.
Jane Firth advises executives and their teams and works to empower men and women to excel in their professional lives. She serves clients in a wide range of industries, including Media and Publishing, Real Estate Development, Healthcare, Professional Services, and more. She has been a champion for women executives and advancing women’s roles on executive teams and corporate boards. She is a recipient of the Philadelphia Business Journal’s Women of Distinction Award. Jane chairs the Women in Executive Leadership and Governance Committee of the Forum of Executive Women and is a co-founding partner of Globalislocal and a founder of Beyond Our Differences Foundation, Founder the University of Pennsylvania Center for Organizational Dynamics and Founder of the Psychoanalytic Coaches Association.
Jane has an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania and has completed extensive studies in Leadership, Human Potential, Transformational Technologies, Human Behavior and Development, Educational Psychology, Psychoanalytic Theory, and Eastern Philosophies.
To learn more about Jane, visit her website
7 Questions to Help You Start Your Day Off Right
Alan’s "Seven Questions To Rock Your World Today"
1. How will I communicate with myself today to fuel my mind, body and spirit? (The truth is, if you master this one thing, you will be living in a rare space.)
2. How can I offer myself unconditional support, on all levels, to thrive today?
3. Who is most important in my life and how will I let them know that today? (Consider this question in context of work, family and friends.)
4. How will I recognize, honor and celebrate (on some level) who I am and the gifts I bring to the world today?
5. In what way can I challenge myself by stepping out of my comfort zone today to test my limits?
6. What are one to three things I did or experienced yesterday that gives me positive energy when I think about it? (An achievement, something I am grateful for, progress towards a meaningful goal, helping someone in some way,listening to someone, etc.)
7. What are my top three priorities for today?
- Alan Allard, Creator of Enlightened Happiness. For more from Alan, sign up for his newsletter at alanallard.com.
What Makes a Confident Woman
What makes a confident woman?
Read and watch our video below...
A confident woman never…
Does anything that’s beneath herLets anyone put her downMakes the same mistakes twiceAllows her own personal demonsTo get in the wayA confident woman ALWAYS...
Puts integrity firstKnows her valueLearns from her failuresOffers a helping hand when she canBe bold. Be strong. Be you.
Watch below.
Video Editor: Kelsy Lua
WOMEN OF IMPACT Episode 1 with Rose Stuckey Kirk
WOMEN OF IMPACT: Inspiring Action and Change, A New Web Series
Our new web series, Women of Impact: Inspiring Action and Change, launches today. The impulse to create Women of Impact came from the turbulence in the world and the need for more women to step up at all levels. Something happens when two or more women come together with the intent of creating change.
The series begins with Rose Stuckey Kirk, the Chief Social Responsibility Officer and President of the Verizon Foundation. Here are a few moments from her special interview. Be sure to look at the full segment below.
Rose shared with me what it was like growing up as 1 of 8 kids to parents who encouraged her to take risks. From a journalism student in college, her career took many turns. Rose is tenacious and finds the “blessing in the burden.” When her husband suffered a stroke several years ago, she took on a new position which allowed her to devote more time to her family. Little did she know, it would become her dream job. Among her responsibilities, she is the President of the Verizon Foundation. In describing one of the areas they have contributed to, she says, “...we believe that technology is now the new literacy. So we built a whole range of programs that put underserved individuals - women, little girls and people of color - on the path toward having amazing careers in science and technology and engineering and math.”
When asked about overcoming obstacles in the workplace, she shared candidly, “You know, I'm not naïve, I know that sexism exists, I know that racism exists, I mean, I grew up, you know, a little black girl in Arkansas. And so I certainly have seen and felt and been, you know, victimized to some degree by it. But I can't allow that to stop me from continuing to move forward. And so what you then need to do is be ready to perform and to deliver. And to hold onto your power. And not let difficult bosses or people that you perceive aren't supporters take away your power.”
Stay tuned for more segments of women of impact:
Eileen McDonnell, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Penn Mutual , coming April 1st.
Deb Bubb, Vice President and Director of Global Leadership and Learning at Intel Corporation, coming May 1st.
Watch the full interview with Rose here:
February 29, 2016
What Makes a Woman Powerful
WHAT MAKES A WOMAN POWERFUL?
A woman's enduring faith makes her powerful. She perseveres in life through TOUGH times even when ALONE.
How a woman holds herself against adversity makes her powerful.
A woman is a FIGHTER. She can fight for her OWN freedom and decide what she WANTS.
No matter WHAT we go through, we DUST ourselves off, get back up and fight even HARDER!
It's the knowledge that nothing can keep us from reaching our goals. – Motivation. Determination. Persistence.
A woman who's comfortable in her own skin, and has NO wish or desire to follow the crowd. She doesn't try to be anything but herself!
To know that we are all equal - good values, good morals, positivity, confidence, and respect!
Taking control of your own destiny as an individual and remembering there are no boundaries stopping you from succeeding.
Watch our video:
Video Editor: Monica Wahid
3 Reasons Being Right Does Not Lead To Happiness
Every time I tried to be “right,” I found it got me nowhere. It happened with friends, lovers, and bosses time and time again. It occurred to me that maybe I don't need to get the last word in; that it is okay to let someone else have the upper hand. Here's what I've learned:
1. To be “right” is to be lonely. I can win all the arguments, and in the end I come home, make myself dinner, and go to bed alone.
2. It's okay not to know. Being a strong woman, I thought I needed to know all the answers. Truth be told, I don't! And actually, what I've realized is, it's a sign of strength to admit that.
3. What is happiness anyway? Isn't one part of it when you see the people you love feeling like they've been heard and listened to? Actually sometimes when I keep my mouth shut, I'm more aware of the whole range of my feelings. And how important it is to know that there's been real communication, which happens when two people participate.
4 Times a Confident Woman Does Not Back Down
1. When someone she loves is in trouble. If she can do something about it, and it’s not enabling the person by her stepping in, she does everything in her power to make things right.
2. When she feels she can make a difference. Not every issue is that important and she knows that. She’s learned to pick the issues that count. When it will positively affect many people, she doesn’t pull back.
3. When she knows what’s right. People can rationalize doing something that’s out integrity, but she knows the difference. If something is crooked, she’ll stand tall and not compromise her values.
4. When it impacts other women. She’s very committed to paying it forward and wants to support other women and young girls. She is not only concerned for her own good, but the wellbeing of the next generation.
5 Ways to Handle a Boss Who Is Pushing You Out the Door
In a perfect world, you have a great boss that believes in you, supports you, and talks straight with you. But your reality might be that your boss isn't so happy with you and wants you gone. If that's so, here are five questions you need to consider:
Can you turn it around?
If your work is meeting expectations and your boss is still trying to get rid of you, is there still a possibility you can turn that around? You might not want to think about doing more than you already have to fix a bad situation. But if you don't, you will likely be gone soon.
Make sure you haven’t let your ego blind you to trying anything that might help. This isn't the time to focus on how your boss is unfair or uncaring--not if you want to keep your job. This is the time to ask yourself if you really want to stay and if you're willing to go even beyond the extra mile to turn things around, if possible.
Are you making things worse for yourself?
When faced with a bad situation we often go to two extremes that make things worse. One extreme is to minimize your situation. Don't say, “It's not that bad, I'll deal with it tomorrow,”--that thinking will steal the sense of urgency you need to improve your job security.
The other extreme you want to avoid is “catastrophizing” your situation by thinking and feeling it's the “end of the world.” Yes, admit you’re taking some blows but remind yourself you can get through it. Then tell yourself just because something feels like it’s the worst thing in the world doesn’t mean it is.
Can you go above your boss?
This one is tricky and could get you fired. But if you are sure you’re going to be shown the door anyway, what do you have to lose? Does your company have a process for resolving these types of issues? If so, make sure you understand how the process works before you engage it.
Should you go to your boss’s boss first or to HR? Whomever you go to, make sure you have evidence to back up your complaint, keep your cool, and expect the best. Yes, expect the best—otherwise your fear or anger will come out in the way you handle yourself.
How can you prepare for the worst?
I know I just told you to expect the best. Now I’m saying to get ready in case things go south. Ideally, you’ve been looking for another position within your company and for opportunities outside your company. I know that’s hard to do when you’re dealing with the emotional fall-out of what your boss is doing.
However, if you don’t prepare for being let go then you’ll have two challenges to face—being let go and being without any job prospects. It’s always easier to get hired if you already have a job, so get going.
Are you getting the support you need?
The last thing you need to be doing is doing this alone. Don’t tell me you’ve been keeping this from your significant other because you want to protect them. Quit trying to be the hero or heroine and tell them you need their support to get through this. Being strong doesn’t mean being silent. It takes real strength to ask for help. There is help and support all around you.
What about your family and friends? Resist the temptation to isolate and make sure you surround yourself with those who care about you. Do you need help to update your resume and make it stand out? Do you need to learn how to navigate the job search or to interview like a pro?
Some help is free and some requires you to invest in yourself. Do whatever it takes to get the support you need.
- Alan Allard, Creator of Enlightened Happiness. For more from Alan, sign up for his newsletter at alanallard.com.
Five Signs It's Time to Leave Your Job
February 26, 2016
WOMEN OF IMPACT Web Series
Women of Impact: Inspiring Action and Change, A New Web Series
Our new web series, Women of Impact: Inspiring Action and Change, launches on March 1st. The impulse to create Women of Impact came from the turbulence in the world and the need for more women to step up at all levels.
Something happens when two or more women come together with the intent of creating change. I know when I sat down for the filming with these empowered leaders, it re-established my own faith that we can make a significant difference together. Their candor and ability to overcome obstacles in their careers and personal lives inspired me, and will inspire you.
In the first video of the series, I talk with Rose Stuckey Kirk, Chief Corporate Social Responsibility Officer of Verizon. When asked about what it’s like working in a male-dominated industry, Rose said, "I'm not naive. I know that sexism exists. I know that racism exists...I grew up a little black girl in Arkansas...I certainly have seen and felt and been victimized to some degree by it. But I can't allow that to stop me from continuing to move forward." She certainly has NOT been deterred. Rose now has her dream job: “We build a whole range of programs that put underserved individuals – women, little girls, and people of color, on the path toward having amazing careers in science, technology, engineering, and math.”
Our second video, being released April 1st, will feature Eileen McDonnell. Eileen is Chairman and CEO of Penn Mutual and a single mom. She shared some powerful insights for women. During our interview, she told me, “You have to empower yourself to decide where you want to go and then chart your course. Sometimes it’s going forward, sometimes it’s stepping backwards, sometimes it’s stepping sidewards, but it’s all getting you where you want to go.” She has helped grow Penn Mutual, doubling its size since 2008, and although she admits being a CEO is tough, she says it's nothing compared to being a mom of an eleven-year-old girl. "Being a mom is harder than being a CEO...truth be told, the CEO of our house is my daughter!"
I’m getting ready to film our third video, where I will interview Deb Bubb, Vice President and Director of Global Leadership and Learning at Intel. I’ve spoken to Deb informally, and was struck by her willingness to step out of her comfort zone to create change.
I can’t wait to share their stories with you!
Watch my full interview with Rose below:
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