Helene Lerner's Blog, page 30

4 Reasons to Let Your Quirky Self Out

We’re humans, not robots. So whoever says they don’t have some weird, crazy little habit is lying. Most times, showing this side to the general public is not so appropriate, but at times you have to let go and express yourself. Here’s why: 

1. Making someone feel comfortable
If you’re in a situation with someone who seems nervous or uncomfortable, whether you’re interviewing a possible new employee or hanging out with someone who seems intimidated by your presence, it’s a great opportunity to break the ice. You don’t always have to act like the Ice Queen to get respect. 

2. Making yourself feel comfortable
On a first date or first time meeting someone, a certain way to immediately feel more confident is to let a little quirky personality shine through. It will quell your nerves and make the situation lighter.

3. Break a boring routine
Doing something a little offbeat is a great way to switch up your daily routine. It keeps the day interesting and could lead to a new discovery.

4. Show the world you don’t take yourself too seriously
There’s nothing worse than giving off an air of arrogance. Often, this is a mask for people who think they have to act a certain way to get respect. If you let your quirkiness out every once in a while, it shows that you’re enjoying life and not taking anything too seriously. This is an important quality that will make people want to be around you. 

- Barbara Bent

How to Keep it Together at Work When Your Personal Life is Falling Apart

Integrating work and personal life has its benefits and challenges. Its benefits are that more people are finding meaning in their work, and don’t have to keep their personal life totally separate.

However, what happens at work impacts your personal life whether you try to separate them or not.

In my coaching practice, my clients have included women who feel like their personal life is falling apart because of issues like divorce, break-ups, drug and alcohol problems in their family, having to move, etc. For some, their work is their sanctuary away from these issues, and they worry that they won’t be able to perform their jobs well.

Here are six of the tools I provide for their continued success

1. Get help
Seek advice from someone you trust, whether it’s a therapist, an Employee Assistance Counselor, support group, or good, non-judgmental friends who are good listeners and don’t tell you how you should feel. If you don’t acknowledge how you feel, it will be difficult to focus on work.

2. Quiet your mind
Take time to meditate or do some calming breathing exercises. This will help you detach and not take all the stressful energy to work.

3. Go to a quiet space in your mind
When you go to work, visualize the door to your house and personal life locked and that you are outside in fresh air. That visualization will help you be present at work.

4. Look at what's going right
List the areas in your life that feel like they are falling apart and list the areas of your life that are working well. Breaking your life into smaller pieces will give you a better perspective, and it feels less overwhelming

5. Let go of some control
Review your list of trouble areas and determine which parts you can control and which parts you have no control over. Make a plan to take control or change the parts of your life you can, and the ones you have no control over, keep reminding yourself that you have no control and worrying about them at work will waste energy

6. Remember the good moments
Take a few minutes to sit by yourself every day and reflect on a time when everything was going well, and you were comfortable with your personal and work life. That will remind you that while it may feel like your personal life is falling apart, you don’t have to fall apart. 

 

 

 

- Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Diversity and Inclusion Strategy Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

5 Ways To Keep Your Heart Open Even Though You’ve Been Hurt

So you’re hurt? You’re disappointed? Something didn’t work out the way you wanted it to? You probably have good reason to feel bad. But you still love this person, although he might have acted like a jerk. You know you need to forgive because what was done to you was not a deal breaker. You simply can’t right now. Here are some tips for turning things around:

Take an inventory
On one side of the paper, list all of the good things about him and the relationship. On the other side of the paper, list all the things that hurt you. Take a good look at what column has more and weigh the incidences. If you come out with more pluses than minuses, remind yourself that everyone screws up from time to time, even you. Although you may be hurt, perhaps it’s time to act as if you forgive, even if you don’t feel that way 100%.

Get it off your chest
Practice open communication with your partner. Say what’s on your mind in brief sentences, pause, and let him respond. Try to really listen to what’s being said, even if the pain is still fresh. 

What do your friends say?
Your friends really like him, have shown you his perspective, and want you to forgive and forget. These are your best friends, and they have your best interests at heart.

Catch yourself playing the blame game
Sometimes it’s easier to keep blaming someone than to take responsibility for your side of the street. Move on with your life and allow yourself to enjoy the good part of your relationship. 

Listen to your heart
Even though you’re hurt, what, deep down, is your heart saying to you? If this person was totally out of your life, how would you feel? Not very good. 

4 Ways to Let Go of Negativity

Nothing more really needs to be said, if you stay in negativity, you will not attract the “good” so many of us want for ourselves. So how do you catch yourself when you are about to give your power away? Take a look.

Be wary of “pity parties”
When you find yourself spiraling down with self-pity, stop. Realize that to keep ruminating will only take you down a dark tunnel.

Know nothing lasts forever
 If you are in real pain and it’s hard to think that it will ever get better, be aware that this is a lie. Feel the feelings, but know, “this too shall pass.”

Don’t blow things up
It is easy to exaggerate. Yes, tell a friend or two about a disappointment, but don’t waste your energy telling 10 people. That’s how you lose focus. Time spent on getting what you want nets positive results.

Everything happens for your soul’s growth
The good and the bad, the happy and the sad. You may be going through a negative patch, but use this time to “grow” through it. What are the lessons that need to be learned?

Easy Remedies for Common Foot Problems

We spend up to 80 percent of our day on our feet, with each foot absorbing thousands of pounds of accumulated pressure. With those stats, it’s no mystery that, occasionally, our feet show signs of fatigue. The causes of foot pain are vast, ranging from ill-fitting shoes, diseases like diabetes and arthritis, and poor circulation. The result can be soreness, cracking heels, corns, toenail fungus, and more. Most people are affected by one or more of these ailments at some point in their lives. Read on for ways to treat your tired and sore feet!

1. Dry, scaly skin

To treat: Depending on the material of your shoes or the weather, dry, flaking skin is a common occurrence. Exfoliating masks, foot scrubs, and homemade mixtures can show immediate results. Masks and scrubs can be found in most drug and cosmetic stores for under $5. For a natural DIY mixture, try soaking feet in mouthwash and vinegar!

To prevent: Make sure to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Also, try to avoid long, hot showers that can have a drying effect on skin.

 

 

2. Foot or toenail fungus

To treat: Left untreated, toenail fungus can lead to splitting and even total loss of the toenail. Tea Tree Oil, a natural antiseptic and antifungal can help treat toenail fungus as well as other kinds of skin infections. Athlete’s Foot is a common fungus that can be treated with powders, creams, washes, and even oral pills. The most important part in treating the fungus is properly identifying the cause so that the correct treatments can be chosen.

To prevent: Keep your shoes on as much as possible! Walking around barefoot makes your feet and toes vulnerable to funguses and disease. Also, avoid sharing pedicure tools (like emery boards and toenail clippers) with friends or family. Using the same tools makes feet susceptible to the spread of infection and fungus.

3. Soreness and cramping

To treat: After a long day on your feet or cramming them into uncomfortable shoes all day, treat your soles to some soothing therapy. Rolling a tennis or lacrosse ball along the bottoms of your bare feet massages and stretches aching feet. Toe relaxers can be bought online for as little as $8 to effectively realign toes while restoring flexibility and circulation.

To prevent: Be sure to wear shoes that are the correct size for your feet to prevent squeezing. Custom inserts from your foot doctor can make a huge difference for varying foot-types such as flat feet or high arches.

 

 

 

 

- Christine Gomolka, Writer, Sales Professional, Teacher

6 Things Men Admire in Women More than Just Being Attractive

1. Being a good listener
Really hearing what people are saying.

2. Empathy
Putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

3. Accepting differences
Honoring another's point of view.

3. A sense of humor
Being able to roll with the punches and laugh.

4. Knowing what you want
Being direct and asking for what you need.

5. Forgiving
Being tolerant of mistakes and not holding grudges.

6. Taking an interest in new things

6 Ways to Keep Positive During Tough Times

1. Know that life ebbs and flows. Yes, we would all like smoothe sailing, but that doesn't grow our "inner muscles," and isn't the way life works.

2. Look at your track record. You have gotten through tough times before, and you WILL do it again.

3. Don't isolate. Force yourself to get out and be with people who care about you.

4. It won't be forever. Next week, next month, a year from now, you will look back and wonder why you were so upset.

5. Don't listen to lies. You may think that you "brought about" the particular situation,that's just "mad-mind chatter", trying to make you miserable.

6. Get ready for something new. Expect that change will be coming soon...for the best!

5 Ways to Bring Something Wonderful into Your Life

1. Expect the good. If you have an attitude of gratitude, you are setting yourself up for a win.

2. Picture the best. What deep down do you really want? Know that if it comes from a deep place, you are probably supposed to have it.

3. Talk about it a lot. Write about it. Talk about it, as if it was already yours.

4. Look at the big picture. Ask yourself, why didn't it happen earlier? Understand the reason--you were probably not ready for it.

5. Know you deserve it. So many of us feel unworthy. That simply is not true, you are worthy of all good things.

5 Ways to Handle A Stressful Family Member

1. Protect yourself from their negativity
To protect yourself, in your imagination surround yourself with a shield. Use whatever metaphor works for you (e.g., surround yourself with rays of white light, place a glass cone around you, wear a breastplate). Another thing that works well is to imagine the person is speaking in that garbled tone like the American cartoon character ‘Charlie Brown’s teacher’ - so you are paying attention to them but letting the specifics of anything they say affect you.  Cross your ankles and your arms to keep their negative energy out of your energy field.   

2. Be thankful
Remember that the way that person talks to you is the way they talk to themselves all day long. So, be thankful that you only have to hear it a few hours a week/month/year, etc. rather than every minute of everyday like they have to! Think about when that person won’t be on the Earth anymore, and try to appreciate what you can about them for now.

3. Keep yourself cool, calm, and collected
Use ‘cooling breath’ to calm you down.  Breathe in through your mouth as if you are sipping through a straw, and out through your nose. Notice how it gives you an instant ‘chill’.  

4. Kill them with kindness
If you’ve given up on trying to improve the situation but still need to interact with that person use this strategy: Kill them with kindness.  Don’t engage with them, just be kind so you don’t inflame their destructive behavior. Try to be genuine, at least as much as possible!  

5. Sort out “your stuff” from “their stuff”
Know that what they say tends to be about them, rather than about you. You don’t feel heard or understood because they are stuck in outdated perceptions or an old story about you. The way they see you reveals more about where they are stuck than about what is factually true about you.    

If you have grown and now see yourself more favorably than they see you, view this tension as a disappointment you are missing out on a more mutually satisfying relationship rather than as them deliberately being frustrating or critical.  The best thing you can do is what you are doing now: create a new family of people you feel connected to, seen by, and enjoy. Once you feel satisfied in your life you will feel less pressure on others to validate you, and you can try to ‘keep the best and leave the rest’ when it comes to this person.  

To be less upset about others’ behavior in the future, your mantra is “Accept others’ level of evolution... and work on your own!” 

One of my favorite quotes is by Gertrude Stein: “the best revenge is a good life”.

 

 

 

- Sharon Melnick
You can download your copy of my free report Sleep Under Stress: 19 ways to Get to Sleep and Wake up Rested at http://www.sharonmelnick.com/sleep

5 Ways to Handle A Stressful Family Member

 

1. Protect yourself from their negativity
To protect yourself, in your imagination, surround yourself with a shield. Use whatever metaphor works for you (e.g., surround yourself with rays of white light, place a glass cone around you, wear a breastplate). Another thing that works well is to imagine the person is speaking in that garbled tone like the American cartoon character ‘Charlie Brown’s teacher’ - so you are paying attention to them but letting the specifics of anything they say affect you.  Cross your ankles and your arms to keep their negative energy out of your energy field.   

2. Be thankful
Remember that the way that person talks to you is the way they talk to themselves all day long. So, be thankful that you only have to hear it a few hours a week/month/year, etc. rather than every minute of every day like they have to! Think about when that person won’t be on the Earth anymore, and try to appreciate what you can about them for now.

3. Keep yourself cool, calm, and collected
Use ‘cooling breath’ to calm you down.  Breathe in through your mouth as if you are sipping through a straw, and out through your nose. Notice how it gives you an instant ‘chill’.  

4. Kill them with kindness
If you’ve given up on trying to improve the situation but still need to interact with that person use this strategy: Kill them with kindness.  Don’t engage with them, just be kind so you don’t inflame their destructive behavior. Try to be genuine, at least as much as possible!  

5. Sort out “your stuff” from “their stuff”
Know that what they say tends to be about them, rather than about you. You don’t feel heard or understood because they are stuck in outdated perceptions or an old story about you. The way they see you reveals more about where they are stuck than about what is factually true about you.    

If you have grown and now see yourself more favorably than they see you, view this tension as a disappointment you are missing out on a more mutually satisfying relationship rather than as them deliberately being frustrating or critical.  The best thing you can do is what you are doing now: create a new family of people you feel connected to, seen by, and enjoy. Once you feel satisfied in your life you will feel less pressure on others to validate you, and you can try to ‘keep the best and leave the rest’ when it comes to this person.  

To be less upset about others’ behavior in the future, your mantra is “Accept others’ level of evolution... and work on your own!” 

One of my favorite quotes is by Gertrude Stein: “the best revenge is a good life”. 

 

 

 

- Sharon Melnick
You can download your copy of my free report Sleep Under Stress: 19 ways to Get to Sleep and Wake up Rested at http://www.sharonmelnick.com/sleep