Helene Lerner's Blog, page 25

5 Reasons Strong Women Move On

5  Reasons Strong Women Move On

1. They are unappreciated.

2. They are being “talked down to.”

3. They feel like there’s no give and take. (They do most of the giving).

4. They want to create a “big” life, and they are “playing small.”

5. They have no time for gossip and pettiness.

Celebrating Red Nose Day

Time to don your red nose because today is Red Nose Day! It’s a charity that has raised over $1 billion worldwide for kids in need through sharing giggles by sporting red noses that you can purchase at your local Walgreens. As part of Comic Relief, Inc., an organization that makes grants to charity partners, Red Nose Day is one of their largest campaigns to raise funds for impoverished children around the globe. The origins of Red Nose Day began 26 years ago in England and came to the United States just last year. Its efforts have made a difference—last year the campaign raised $23 million. To put that in perspective, it meant 7.8 million meals for children in the U.S., one million disease-fighting drugs distributed around the world, over 50,000 American children and families that now have medical service available, and over 30,000 families with clean water worldwide. Tonight at 9/8c, a 2-hour Red Nose Day Special will air on NBC television and feature a number of celebrities. To donate to the cause, visit www.rednoseday.org.

- Barbara Bent

Also, check out this video to learn more:

How To Speak Up Without Hesitation

In a meeting with senior leaders you think of something valuable to say…then you start the inner debate: should I say it now? What if they think I’m wrong? What if it shows I don’t know enough?

Ever get confused why you hesitate, especially when you speak up freely with peers and direct reports?

Here are three reasons why you might hesitate to speak up – and the easy fixes to help you bring your best contribution to the organization.

1. You make senior leaders “one up” and you “one down.” That puts a lot of pressure on you. “I better say something earth-shattering or else wait…”

In those situations you are being Subjective - deciding what to contribute to your organization based on your concern for what other people will think about you. And based on your own opinion of yourself as (potentially) not knowing enough. 

You’ll be able to speak up without hesitation when you can be Objective – clear about what you do know, and what you don’t know – and being able to state that powerfully. And when you have conviction about the value of what you do know. 

2. You make it about “you.” In the crunch of the moment you are making decisions about what to contribute based on how it will impact you or your perception by others. 

Instead, ask yourself: “who in the organization will benefit by me saying this?” It might be providing information that could help the leader make a decision. Or your point indicates a potential unintended consequence of a plan. Or you are providing a new perspective that will stimulate everyone else’s creativity. 

In other words, be confident by taking yourself out if it! Your organization is not paying you to make decisions based on your negative self talk. You are paid to contribute to the organization based on how you can contribute to your colleagues, customers, clients, patients, etc.  Fill yourself with love and a sense of purpose toward those end users of your comments. 

You will be able to speak up without hesitation when you focus on who will benefit from your contributions.

3. You are not equipped with influential ways of speaking up or pushing back. Its always important to speak up with influence but most difficult to state information that offers disagreement, or pushes back on senior leaders’ assertions. 

Its easier when you have concise phrases that stand your ground while still making the other person feel respected.  Here are 3 ways you could say it: 

a) Point out what you think is ‘right’ about their point/decision, then ask a question about an additional point to consider

b) Speak up concisely with what you want to say -- why you think it’s important to add, a question that leads in the direction you think is important for them to consider. 

c) Suggest you think it would support their plan if you could offer to think through possible unintended consequences. 

Make sure you use a tone that shows genuine interest in building upon the leader’s ideas. Even if you are disagreeing, you are engaging in a constructive problem solving discussion intended to further improve the leader’s idea.  

You work so hard to have knowledge and be good at what you know. Rise above your own self talk so you can enjoy the fruits of your hard work. Have the courage to say what will be helpful – and the skill to say it so it can be heard!  

Equipped with these kinds of phrases for saying your ideas, you’ll feel empowered to speak up even in the face of the most intimidating people or in a room full of people talking loudly over one another!

 

 

 

- Sharon Melnick, PhD
You can download your copy of my free report Sleep Under Stress: 19 ways to Get to Sleep and Wake up Rested at http://www.sharonmelnick.com/sleep

5 Reasons To Keep On Keeping On When You Feel Discouraged

1. Nothing last forever, and you won't feel this way soon. So take steps in the right direction and have faith that change will happen.

2. You really want something BADLY. You are probably discouraged because something has not materialized that you really want. Don't quit just before the miracle!

3. Don't deny your growth. When things seem the darkest, these are usually periods of great growth. Reflect on the lessons you have been learning.

4. Even though people around you may be saying NO, counteract that by saying YES to yourself. Recommit to go after something you truly want. Let your anger be used constructively to fuel you taking additional actions.

5. If everything fails, remember you have YOURSELF. Repeat this mantra: "I have enough, I do enough, I AM enough."

6 Quotes To Help You Reclaim Your Power Under Stress

6 Quotes To Help You Reclaim Your Power Under Stress

How do strong women reclaim their power when they're under stress? Get inspired by them with these quotes!

1. “It is far more accurate and beneficial to tell ourselves that who we are is okay and what we are doing is good enough.”
– Melody Beattie

2. “Getting our power is like exercising, each day we must make a commitment to focus ourselves and define who we are.”
– Brenda Ginsberg

3. “I am going to be like a warrior, I am going to fight and if I don’t win, then at least I’ve tried.”
– Paloma Cernuda

4. “Power is claiming a direction for yourself. As females, we need to pursue our talents, taking charge and claiming what we think we can do.”
– Adele Scheele, PhD

5. “So often I have listened to everyone else’s truth and tried to make it mine. Now, I am listening deep inside for my own voice, and I am softly, yet firmly, speaking my truth.”
– Liane Cordes

6. “I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude.”
– Judith Knowlton

From Our Power as Women by Helene Lerner

4 Life Lessons From A Relationship Gone Sour

1. There will be good times and painful times. You take a risk when you get close to another person--it may not work out or something may happen to your partner that you have no control over. Either way, it's worth the shot because of the joy of sharing your life with another person.

2. You get clear on what role you played to create the split. The other person will have to work out their stuff, but you have a real growth opportunity to look at the things you need to improve on.

3. How important is it? What was the "stuff" that really didn't matter that you blew out of perspective? Why did you do that? Reflecting may help you not make the same mistake again.

4. No one is perfect, including the two of you. Can you accept that anyone you will meet in the future will have flaws--it's a matter of what "flaws" you can live with.

4 Ways to Keep Your Cool With Rude People

Yes, it's natural to want to strike back, especially when someone is rude, mean, or cruel. But if we do, we usually end up feeling even more frustrated.

So, here are some things to do before you react in a way you'll regret.

1. See the truth. They are talking about how they feel about themselves, not you--even if it has your name on it.

2. Don't stoop to their level. Remain dignified. Just continue doing what you were doing--don't get distracted.

3. Channel your anger (at them), into something productive like exercise. If the person said something disparaging, prove them wrong by taking an action towards something you really want.

4. When all else fails, "bless them." They are probably sick and suffering.

Top 5 Causes of Mental Fatigue (and what you can do about it)

Fatigue. It’s something we all experience at some point throughout our day. Feelings of mental and physical exhaustion, being tired in the morning even after a full night’s sleep, and that light-headed “spacey” feeling. Experts report that 10% of people globally are suffering from chronic fatigue. Chronic tiredness affects females more than males.

With the demands placed on women such as full-time work, being the primary caregivers, and running households, it’s no wonder so many of us accept this “tired” feeling as only natural. As excellent multi-taskers, we may ignore our fatigue until the tell-tale signs emerge such as binge-eating, weight-gain, and depression, which prompt us to finally start listening to our bodies. Left untreated, chronic fatigue could lead to increased risk of disease, premature aging, and a compromised immune system. Because there are endless causes of fatigue, it is important to get to the root cause of your exhaustion and determine the best treatment.

1. Lack of Sleep
The brain requires sleep to recuperate and reenergize. If you suffer from a sleep disorder or your sleep is routinely interrupted, you are more prone to feeling that “brain fog” upon waking up. For those who suffer from serious sleep deprivation, that foggy feeling doesn’t disappear after a cup of coffee. It sounds obvious, but 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep has been proven to be the best way to rejuvenate your mind and keep it functioning.

2. Nutritional Deficiencies
Magnesium, vitamin B12, and amino acids are the most important vitamins our brain needs to remain strong. The body being deficient in these vitamins as well as dehydration could lead to fatigue throughout your day. Take an inventory of your diet and make sure that you are eating foods rich in these vitamins. Wild salmon, blueberries, and avocados are a few of the many “superfoods” that can increase your odds of maintaining a healthy brain.

3. Stress
Perhaps one of the most underestimated health threats, stress manifests as physical symptoms, brain fatigue being one of them. With the exception of increased stress due to a specific event such as the loss of a loved one, everyday stress should not produce brain fog. If it does, this could be a warning sign of a more serious problem.  Make stress reduction a priority in your life. Discover what works for you, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or counseling. The quality of your brain function and overall satisfaction in life can dramatically increase.

4. Diseases  & Conditions
Those with diabetes have a higher risk of brain fog due to constantly fluctuating levels of glucose which is the primary source of energy for the brain. Additionally, fluctuating hormones, a common symptom in women with Menopause can lead to brain fog. Those diagnosed with disorders such as fibromyalgia, lupus, chronic fatigue syndrome, and multiple sclerosis also experience fatigue and fogginess as a common symptom. Understanding how to regulate the imbalances in your body based on your condition can combat fatigue and lead to dramatic improvements.

5. Medications
Whether prescribed or over-the-counter, certain medications have confusion and fogginess inherent in their side effects. Brain fog is a common side effect in drugs used to treat high blood pressure, chronic pain, and allergies. Determining whether your drowsiness is caused by these medications will allow you to find better treatment options or stop taking them altogether.

 

 

 

 

- Christine Gomolka, Writer, Sales Professional, Teacher

5 Things Confident Women Tell Themselves In The Morning

5 Things Confident Women Tell Themselves In The Morning

What do confident women tell themselves when they start their day? Find out and start YOUR day with these phrases:

“I will act to fulfill my purpose today.” 
How do you want to make an impact on others’ lives today? That’s what you want to focus on. What are the qualities and attributes of who YOU need to be in order to achieve those results? Decide on that. Use that as the filter that determines how YOU act. Have a clear visual of who YOU want to be and make all 60,000 of your thoughts today in the service of showing up as that person. Your sense of purpose will help you over the many little interferences and hardships of the day.  

“I accept others’ level of evolution and work on my own.” 
When other people are rude to you, be the one to take the higher ground. Their rudeness comes from their own limitations and says more about them than it says about you. You only get angry at other people because they are not as evolved as you hope they would be, and they disappoint you. If their limitations interfere with the results that you want, find a way around them to bring your value. Their limitations will only bring negativity into your space if you allow it to linger there.  

“I take in others’ appreciation.”
If you are a perfectionist or a pleaser, then you put a lot of energy into managing how other people will evaluate you. You do an amazing job and then other people compliment you. BUT because you don’t fully believe it yourself, you shrug off their compliments! You work so hard to gain others’ recognition but then you don’t take it in. Then you feel you have to go out and earn their recognition again. Instead, say ‘thank you.’ Instead of looking at the gap where you think you fall short, enjoy the results of your efforts. Find a place inside where you can appreciate yourself, so their recognition of you has some place inside to stick to.  

“I bring my best today.”
Be so filled with a sense of purpose that you have no room in your head for what other people think of you. As a leader, you create the weather on your team. You can light up or darken any room. Of all the 16 leadership competencies, Inspirational Leadership is the one that gets the most engagement and productivity from others. So, inspire yourself with your self-talk! Then you will radiate and inspire others!

“I trust myself.”
Have you ever noticed where that little voice of intuition lives in your body? Is it a feeling in your gut, a knowing in your heart, or a ‘voice inside your head?’ Remind yourself to listen to that voice. Not sure if you can trust your intuition? Then start to keep an Intuition Log.  Keep a record of times that you trusted – or didn’t trust – your intuition and see how situations worked out. Then you’ll have an empirical database showing you whether it was right to trust your judgment.

 

 

- Sharon Melnick, PhD
You can download your copy of my free report Sleep Under Stress: 19 ways to Get to Sleep and Wake up Rested at http://www.sharonmelnick.com/sleep

6 Habits of Confident Women and What You Can Learn From Them

What little things do confident women do every day to help them get ahead? Read these 6 habits and learn how you can follow in their footsteps:

They wear what makes them comfortable
Wear colors and clothes that make you feel good and well-dressed.

They surround themselves with positive people
Hang out with people you admire and respect who also appreciate the value you offer-- the "better together" idea.  Surround yourself with people that have ‘positive energy’ that can complement your and fuel your own energy level.

They listen to their gut
Be true to yourself--don't try to fit a size 8 foot into a size 6 shoe—it may feel right in the beginning, though it will only be painful in the end.

They’re always prepared
It worked for the Boy Scouts, it works for executives. Have your act together to the greatest extent possible when you know you will be present at important events. In particular, have at least a couple of good opening questions you can use for networking.

They know their personal brand
Develop your personal brand and learn how to articulate its value to others.

They give back
When you give to others, your self-esteem gets a boost, too.

 

 

- Denise Sena, US Marketing, Customer Centricity and Solutions; Healthcare Businesswomen Association (HBA) Fit to Lead Director – Making the Connections between Fitness and Leadership 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Wendy L. Mantel, PCC, ‪The Executive Coach/Writer: Specializing in Personal Branding, Linkedin, Mentoring, Working with Millennials