Helene Lerner's Blog, page 194

Dare to Know: Shel Pink's Tips for Inner and Outer Beauty (Giveaway!)

Shel Pink was raised in the spa tradition like others are brought up on political views or religious beliefs. "My mother was always seeking alternative approaches to wellness,” she recalls. “If pesticide was being sprayed in my neighborhood, she would take my brother and I away from the house until it blew over. She once became convinced that there was something toxic in the carpeting—we found out years later that she was right!” Shel embraced her mother’s health consciousness from an early age. “She was also very stylish, so it never felt extreme to me," Shel says."She taught me how to read labels on product packaging and choose products that were fragrance-free and hypoallergenic.”

These family values became the driving force behind SpaRitual, a line of all-natural beauty products, and Slow Beauty, a seven-point lifestyle concept. Slow Beauty’s practices range from self-expression to mindful consumption to lifelong learning, ascribing deeper significance to familiar beauty rituals. “It’s about health and wellness, not luxury and pampering,” Shel explains. “We’re bombarded with so much information, and life is moving at such a fast pace. Self-care tends to be the first thing to go, but taking time for ourselves is so important.” That’s not to say that a good old-fashioned desire to look pretty is anything to feel ashamed of, however. “We have an innate desire to create beauty,” Shel explains. “We need to honor and practice that on a regular basis.”

The entrepreneur and mother of two is no stranger to juggling work and family, and Shel believes that the solution to the ongoing problem of work-life balance lies in widespread social change. “I don’t think we’re individually falling short,” she says. “The family dynamic has changed so much. There are more dual income families and more women in the workforce, and corporations need to adjust their mindsets to reflect that.” Shel looks to meditation for peace and perspective amidst her own hectic schedule. “If I miss a meditation, I feel incomplete—like I’ve missed eating or brushing my teeth,” she says. “When I meditate, I feel calmer, more focused, and more productive. It gets me through the day.”

So what single treatment does Shel believe is worth the splurge, even for women strapped for time or cash? “I would recommend an organic spa manicure or pedicure using sustainably-minded products,” says Shel. “Color lifts the moods, so there’s a physiological and psychological aspect in addition to what we see on the outside. The scents in the products that we use have an aromatherapeutic quality as well.” Above all, however, Shel stresses the notion that true beauty radiates from within. “Be tenacious, she instructs. “Don’t give up on your dreams, and develop your instincts. Women have a gift of instinct that isn’t talked about or supported enough. You have to believe in your inner voice.”

SpaRitual has generously agreed to offer a collection of beauty products valued at $200 to one lucky woman. To enter, leave a comment on our Facebook page telling us your favorite way to pamper yourself. We’ll select a recipient at random at 3pm EST on Friday, July 13th. Good luck!

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Career Coach: Deal with Difficult People

Difficult people can make being productive quite a challenge—especially when the job at hand is difficult enough as it is! However, learning to manage strong personalities is a key aspect of success, as well as a part of life. If you want to achieve your goals, you'll need to learn how to be productive despite being surrounded by difficult individuals.

The first step, of course, is mental discipline—maintaining a positive outlook. But how can you keep your spirits up when you are surrounded by negativity?  The simplest and most effective strategy is to stay focused on what you are looking to achieve, both short-term and in the long run.  You may find it helpful to write out a list of your goals and review it periodically.

With a little thought and planning, you may also be able to diffuse the irritating qualities of people you deal with on a regular basis. Analyze the source of the the behavior—perhaps your demanding boss is unhappy with her life, or your surly coworker suffers from low-self esteem. Listen, observe, and see if you can get to the root of the matter. You can then devise strategies to reduce, minimize, or even eliminate trouble wherever possible.

Understanding your environment, as well as the problems and motivations of those who inhabit it, gives you an opportunity to deflect and control any issues that affect your work. Stay calm and focused, and keep the concerns of others at the forefront of your mind. In a perfect world, you'd never have to deal with difficult people—but if you can't learn how to manage the needs of others, you are the one who will suffer.

—Madeline Lewis, Career Coach

Dare to Reflect: Timing is Everything

There is a "right time" for change to manifest.  I learned this lesson from a senior leader who had a knack for getting top management to approve new programs. Over time, I was able to observe her strategy. She had an excellent sense of timing—she knew the top leaders well, and she understood when change was likely to be accepted by them. She was patient, but never wavering.

I learned a lot from her, namely:

Never throw away a good idea.
Know the players.


Be aware of the political environment—is there room to make a change now? If so, go ahead and introduce it. If not, wait for the "right time."

Developing a stronger sense of timing will be an asset to you in any industry.

Dare to Listen: Girl Power Playlist

Admit it—you rely on lighthearted pop music to boost your spirits (and your ego) from time to time. You’re familiar with “Firework” and “Born This Way,” but what about some of the lesser-known jams by your favorite Top 40 divas? Whether you prefer your tunes slow and soulful or rough around the edges, give these lesser-known girl power anthems a spin.

Britney Spears. If you love Britney’s naughty, over-the-top dance tracks, don't miss her cover of Bobby Brown's “My Prerogative.” Britney was the original Disney starlet (she got her start on The Mickey Mouse Club), and she’s been thumbing her nose at critics since before Miley was even a blip on the radar. Through breakups and breakdowns, Britney has refused to let anyone’s judgment stop her from her thing—and whether or not you agree with her lifestyle, you have to admire her resilience.

Lady Gaga. Gaga frequently celebrates her famous sexuality in her songs, but we love the more substantial affirmations she puts forth on musical pep talk “The Queen.” Gaga’s abstract lyrical sensibility takes a Whitman-esque turn, making strong use of natural imagery (“I am wind and hurricane / The stormy sky and rain”), and the lilting rock-reggae riff toward the end of the track seems to embody both freedom and melancholy—a testament to Gaga’s vocal talent as well as her complex inner life.

Rihanna. Much has been said about Rihanna’s transformation from Barbados sweetheart to all-American bad girl, so we’ll let “Rockstar 101” speak for itself. Though it flew under the radar, this song announced Rihanna’s presence as a cultural force better suited to stadium tours than station wagons. Think of it as a how-to manual for defying expectations.

Beyoncé. After her origins as Destiny’s Child's frontwoman gave way to a booming solo career, Beyonce proved that she could hold her own against single ladies and rap moguls alike. But one of her strongest performances to date takes place on “Listen,” a song the R&B superstar recorded for her role in the movie musical Dreamgirls. It’s all there—the vocal gymnastics, the life-affirming lyrics, the spine-tingling climax. Just don't blame us if you end up getting a reprimand for belting at your cubicle.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Dare to Reflect: When You Compare, You Dispair

One way we devalue our accomplishments is by comparing ourselves to others. There is always someone who has done more, done better, or done something more outrageous than us.  When we look at the world through this lens, we can never measure up, and that becomes a source of misery.

Why do do this to ourselves?

For the most part, I think comparing ourselves to others is simply habit. Many of us have been doing it for years, and it becomes a way of reinforcing limited beliefs we have about ourselves that keep us stuck.

Well, it's time to break out of the box.  We can do this by keeping the focus on ourselves, more specifically:

When you catch yourself in a comparison rut, become aware of what you are telling yourself.  Note how comparing yourself to others makes you feel (not great!).


Acknowledge something you have done recently that makes you feel proud. Let it take root in your mind, and share it with a friend.

 

If You Compare, You Despair

One way we can devalue our accomplishments is by comparing ourselves to others.

There is always someone who has done more, done better, or has done something outrageous.  When we look at the world with this lens, we can NEVER measure up, and that is a source of misery.

Why do we make ourselves miserable in this way?

I think for the most part it's habit. Many of us have been doing it for years. It is a way of reinforcing limited beliefs we have about ourselves that keep us stuck.

Well, it's time to break out of the box.  And we can do that by keeping the focus on ourselves. More specifically, here's what you can do:

. When you catch yourself in a comparison rut, become aware of what you are telling yourself.  Note how that makes you feel (not great!).

. Then acknowledge something you have done recently that you are proud of. Take it in, and share it with a friend.

 

Dare to Reflect: The Power of Words

Our words are powerful. They can uplift, and they can also destroy. When we become reactive, we occasionally blurt out things we regret. Our words can hurt others as well as ourselves.

How can we get into the practice of using our words to inspire? By connecting with our hearts, and letting our words come from a compassionate place. By aligning ourselves with a desire to create change for the better.

Watch the words you use today.  Are they promoting kindness or are they creating separation? Use your words wisely.

 

The Power of Words

Our words are powerful. They can uplift and they can also destroy. 

Unfortunately, when we become reactive we may blurt out something we regret. Our words can hurt others as well as ourselves.

How can we get into the practice of speaking and using our words to inspire? By connecting with our heart and letting our words come from a compassionate place. By aligning ourselves with a desire to create change that is for the better.

Watch the words you use today.  Are they promoting kindness or are they creating separation?

Use your words wisely.

 

Dare to Watch: Timeless Inspiration

Release yourself from imprisoning thoughts. Step outside of your comfort zone. You're perfect just the way you are. Our Twitter feed moves a mile a minute, but some sentiments are timeless. Enjoy a few of our favorites in our video roundup, below.

What words of wisdom do you live by? Have an inspiring weekend!

—Video by Amy Stringer

Dare to Do: Take a Compliment

Self-deprecation has never been trendier. Celebrities like Tina Fey and Lena Dunham have built careers around poking fun at lovably pathetic caricatures of themselves, and the modern comedienne is as beloved for her unpretentiousness as she is for her actual skill. For the average woman, a compliment usually triggers either a sardonic wisecrack, a presentation of counter-evidence, or a flushed face coupled with an immediate segue to another topic. Very rarely does today's woman return a compliment with a smile and a "thank you," or allow it to hang in the air for more than a moment. Even more rarely does she openly agree with the pronouncement.

A crisis of confidence isn't necessarily to blame. While many of us struggle with self-doubt behind closed doors, this inner turmoil has little to do with the gracious acceptance of public praise. Rather, we are taught that self-congratulatory behavior is somehow unbecoming—that shamelessly owning a piece of good will renders it, paradoxically, void. In reality, however, deflecting a compliment does both parties a disservice. The recipient loses any momentum that might be gleaned from her moment in the sun, while the giver faces an awkward decision to argue back or meekly redirect the conversation elsewhere. An inability to take a compliment shakes out to something like a rejection.

To understand this emotional exchange, consider the compliments that have stuck with you over time. A generic nod at your appearance can put a spring in your step for several hours, but any stranger on the street can spot a snazzy outfit or shiny hair. The most meaningful praise usually stems from somewhere deeper. Building a track record for an uncanny listening ability or a knack for giving sound advice takes time and effort. These compliments symbolize more than just talents that you possess—they reflect a relationship history that has allowed you to share these gifts with another person. Bestowing praise is that person's attempt to return your gift in kind.

Accepting a compliment, then, is about honoring the relationship that lies beneath it. Respect yourself enough to believe that the praise you receive is warranted, but also put yourself in the other person's shoes—would you want your own words hurled back at you as though they were somehow inadequate or ill-advised? The next time someone offers up a blessing on anything from your smile to your sense of humor, let them know how much you appreciate the gift that they are giving you. Absorb the compliment, and let it inform your self-concept and your mood. Then seize the next opportunity to pay that good will forward. Reframing compliment culture means making it acceptable and inviting to give as well as receive.

—Emma Aubry Roberts