Helene Lerner's Blog, page 190

Career Coach: Doing Great Work When Work's Not Great

“I'm doing a great job at work!” are the exact words that Amy*, one of my clients, said to me at the beginning of our call this week. Before my ego could inflate - I am the one coaching her, after all! - she told me what had prompted her statement. As it turns out, Amy's "great" work had nothing to do with me—and everything to do with Amy.

Amy happens to be a superstar at her company. In fact, after less than six months, she was called into her C.E.O.’s office and asked why she was thriving in such a challenging environment. Huh? Instead of telling you what makes Amy so good at what she does, let me share with you what could have kept her from being a strong performer.

Her first boss, under whom she worked for five months, was a nightmare. On one occasion, she was called into a director’s office and blamed for something that had nothing to do with her. Despite being vindicated a few hours later, she never received an apology.
She has dealt with both health and family challenges during her time with the company.
Her job really is tough! The 34 other members of her training class have already quit.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because when we see someone who is at the top of her game, it’s easy to assume that person just, well, has it easy. We convince ourselves that we could be just as successful if not for our bad luck, terrible manager, or unexpected distractions.

But maybe - just maybe - there’s more to the story. Could it be that exceptional performers also become overloaded, fail to receive necessary support, and deal with personal challenges when they leave the office? Could it be that they, too, wrestle with self-doubt and occasionally wonder how long they can keep it all up?

Amy has experienced all of these things, but they haven’t stopped her. She shows up every day and she works hard, because that’s what you have to do to succeed. Challenge yourself to do great work even when work isn't great. If you spend your life waiting for the perfect job, you could be waiting a long time.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

*Name has been changed.

Career Coach: Open the Vault

I don't know you or how well your career is going. I do know that there are three keys to job satisfaction that are worth contemplating. Which ones have you unlocked? Which ones have eluded you? Evaluate how well you're using the three keys...or not.

Passion. The late Steve Jobs (of Apple fame) is a legend, and his passion played a huge role in his success. Before everyone knew his name, however, Jobs was a college dropout who enrolled in a calligraphy class for fun. Ten years later, that same class had a profound influence on font design for the Mac computer. Who would have guessed?

What about you? Not inspired by your current job, but not ready to make a big change? Take a cue from Steve Jobs, and follow your heart without putting your job in jeopardy. Register for a class, volunteer in your community, or take on a research project. Learn something new, or revisit a hobby that you've let fall by the wayside. You never know where it will lead you, but finding out sure could be fun!

Aptitude. If you have an “aptitude” for something, you are naturally good at it. That doesn’t mean you can skimp on learning or practice. It just means that you have an innate capacity to perform. Aptitude applies to company culture as well—some people prefer to work at a deliberate and steady pace, while others thrive on the stimulation of a fast-moving environment.

All jobs come with specific demands. Not everyone can be a surgeon, a hotel manager, or a truck driver—all worthy professions with wildly different aptitude requirements. If you don’t love your job, maybe it’s the wrong fit for the way you're naturally wired.

Demand. The needs of the marketplace fluctuate and, therefore, so do opportunities. Jobs become obsolete or get outsourced, and some pay better than others. When you find a job that engages both your passion and your aptitude, you must then ask yourself, Will this pay me what I need to be happy?

If the answer is no, all is not lost! Adjust your priorities and expectations—can you be happy doing something you love and making less money than you’d like? The answer is up to you, but the demand for your skills and passions is not. Maybe earning less to do what fulfills you isn’t such a bad tradeoff.

Passion, aptitude, demand: your career needs all three in order to thrive. Figure out where they intersect, and find a way to get there. Steve Jobs isn’t the only one to have used these three keys to open the vault—every month, we feature many others who have done the same. Now it’s your turn.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Dare to Know: Elisabeth DeVos Shares the Ride

Aspiring ballerina to high school dropout to computer programmer to professional writer to single mom to communications guru? Hardly what one might call a typical career trajectory. But for Jane-of-all-trades Elisabeth DeVos, the only way up was through. “When you’re in the dark, you can only see one step ahead,” she recalls of her career's convoluted early stages. “You have to be true to your passions and rely on time to provide clarity.”

Elisabeth got more than clarity. After an impressive interview saw the creation of a new position just for her, the Marketing Communications Manager of Inome (formerly Intelius) quickly began applying her broad skill set to her work. Elisabeth’s accumulated talents in both creative and technical fields earned her the company’s iPrize, a coveted distinction and $50,000 reward. Elisabeth’s winning pitch, a software program based on the "six degrees of separation" principle, will be backed by Inome and realized as a major commercial product.

While good timing played a role in Elisabeth’s recent achievement, she stresses that everyday engagement on the job built a far more important foundation. “There’s no such thing as instant success,” she says. “I didn’t wait until that day to bring my creativity and to the office. I focused on my company’s mission, and I took advantage of an opportunity to make a contribution beyond my usual role. I don’t think I would have had the insight to pinpoint a winning idea had I not been already building my knowledge and credibility.”

Work is still just one part of the picture, however. Whereas some women prefer to draw hard lines between job and family responsibilities, Elisabeth sees her thriving career as an opportunity to mentor her daughter, Marielle. “I want to be available to my child, but I also want her to see my passion for my work,” explains Elisabeth. “If I’m disappearing into an office, she’s not learning anything practical. I want her to understand what adult life is all about, whether it’s work or cooking or relationships. I want to bring her along for the ride.” In fact, at Elisabeth’s encouragement, Marielle submitted her own idea to the iPrize competition (no hard feelings between the two competitors, of course).

Whether acting as prizewinner or breadwinner, Elisabeth holds her role as nurturer in highest regard. “What excites me is growth, whether it’s my career or my child,” she affirms. Only fitting, then, that both should blossom in tandem.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

American Women Write Olympic History

After three weeks of fierce Olympic battles, one fact is undeniable: American women led the way in what is arguably the world's greatest sporting event. The U.S. won 46 gold medals - more than any other country - with a record-breaking 29 of those going to females. American women shattered records in both individual and team competitions; boxing, swimming, and somersaulting their way to the victory. The final week brought no shortage of impressive feats.

Claressa Shields took home the title in women's boxing, which made its debut at the 2012 Games. At just 17 years old, she is also the second-youngest fighter ever to win an Olympic gold medal.
Kayla Harrison beat Great Britain's Gemma Gibbons 2-0 in the women's judo competition, giving America its first gold medal in the sport. "It feels amazing to be a part of something so much bigger than myself," Kayla stated after the match. "To be able to say that I’m a strong, confident young woman and an Olympic champion is amazing, and I hope there are a million little girls who are inspired right now."
The women's soccer team brought the U.S. more glory, beating archrival Japan 2-1 in a sweet revenge for last year's World Cup. This is the team's third consecutive Olympic gold.
U.S. women's basketball has been on an even longer winning streak—since 1992, the team has won every Olympic final with an average victory margin of 35 points. The team won its fifth straight gold medal last weekend, trouncing the French team 86-50.

If American women took the spotlight on this year's Olympic stage, much of their success can be attributed to Title IX, the landmark 1972 legislation that created equal opportunities for women in athletics. "I think that Title IX gave us a head start because of the national commitment to making sure that young women are getting the opportunity to be involved in sports," said Scott Blackmun, chief executive of the U.S. Olympic Committee. Forty years after Title IX's passing, its effects are more visible than ever, and more women play sports in America than anywhere else in the world. At the 2012 Olympics, American athletes showed what happens when women are given a fair chance to compete: they take home the gold.

—Linda A. Thompson

Career Coach: No More Excuses

About 22 years ago, I interviewed for a sales position with Motorola. The regional manager asked me, “What should I do with a sales rep who has a great attitude and a strong work ethic but consistently fails to meet his or her quota?”

I thought for a few seconds, then replied, “You have to let them go. In sales, you either make your numbers or you don’t."

Does that sound cold or harsh to you? It didn’t to the regional manager, or to the sales manager who was also in the meeting. That’s because both of them were held accountable for reaching or exceeding their sales goals—they either succeeded or they failed. (By the way, I got the job.)

Work and life are kind of like sales. You either produce, or you don’t. You hit your goals, or you fall short. Of course, there are always multiple factors involved - your boss, your colleagues, the economy, your family, your health - and the truth is that some really do have it easier than others. I was a psychotherapist for over a decade, so I know that life isn't always fair. But I've also seen how attitude can improve circumstance. Some complain and stay stuck. Others, when faced with the same challenges, do the best they can with what they have—and somehow, things get better.

If you don’t like something, do something about it. If you can’t do anything about it - after all, you can’t control your company or the universe - then accept it for what it is. Drop the excuses and come to terms with your reality. What excuses? Let’s start with the economy, your age, your schedule, your boss, your backstabbing colleague... Excuses might make you feel better in the short term, but they will only increase your misery over time. Excuses alienate those around us and, even worse, they fool us into believing they are true.

If things are tough for you right now, treat yourself with compassion and empathy. Beating up on yourself will only make things worse, and the hole you are in is deep enough already. Get support as fast as you can, and while you’re at it, reach out to someone who can benefit from your support. Find a way to improve your situation. Just don’t make excuses for why you can’t. Leave finding fault and placing blame to the presidential candidates. You need to focus on finding solutions.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

My Personal Olympics

Watching the Olympics I see women of all ages compete, giving their very best, and that is inspiring. Although many of us are not in London scheduled for a race, I believe we are all stars in our own way. So I got to thinking about what my personal Olympics was and here's what surfaced.

Right now, I am going for my dream, big time. You may know that my book "In Her Power," came out in February, and since then I have been speaking with thousands of women across the country. I meet many talented women who have forgotten their true worth.  They are thrown off track by having too much on their plate, as well as dealing with constant changes. I see a great willingness on their part to try new things and reinvent themselves.

Inspired by their courage, I decided to take a Smart Risk. (Years ago I wrote a book called, "Smart Women Take Risks"),  well, I am taking my own advice. I have created a television show based on the insights in the new book.  I am committed to empowering women to step out in a new ways. The world needs us now--the connective power of women will help to unify rather separate people.

We are filming "In Her Power" this week and I have invited 4 wonderful women from the book to join me. Stay tuned.  The program will be released next March for Women's History Month and air on public television stations.

What is your personal Olympics? I encourage you to take one small, step towards achieving your goal.

Dare to Watch: Keep Calm and Carry On

Whew! Reign yourself in from another hectic week. Saturday and Sunday are all about zen. Take your nerves down a notch (or ten) with this week's inspirational quote reel. Follow @womenworking to receive inspiration and career advice all day, every day.

Can't wait to hear all about your deep breaths and sun salutes on Monday. Happy recharging!

—Video by Amy Stringer

Career Coach: Volley for Success

Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings have set a world record, winning three Olympic gold medals in volleyball. Their eleven-year success streak is coming to an end - Misty is retiring from the game - but the lessons we can learn from Misty and Kerri are as applicable as ever.

You’re only as good as your team. Misty and Kerri both know that success doesn’t happen in a vacuum. When interviewed, these women are quick to credit their full team of three (including their coach) for their unprecedented success. Do you respect and support your team members? When did you last let your boss or colleagues know that you admire and appreciate their contributions? If you haven't, speak up—the game's not over yet.

You can succeed despite your challenges. Being an Olympic champion means pushing yourself mentally and physically, sacrificing time with family, and - oh yeah - contending with world-class competitors along the way. "I think the only reason Misty and I are gold medalists is because of [American competitors Jennifer Kessey and April Ross]," says Kerri. "They push us so hard. They're one of my favorite teams to beat because they're so good.” The next time you are tempted to complain about your challenges, remember that they make you who you are. Gold medals (or anything else worthwhile) don’t come on a silver platter—you have to give your all, and then some.

You don’t have to substitute work for life. Many of us fail to distinguish between who we are and what we do. Misty realizes that she doesn’t have a career and a life—she has a life, and her career has just been an important slice of it. At the end of the day, who do you have to share your success with? If your career were to end tomorrow, what would your life be like without any friends or family? We can (and should!) work hard, but not to the neglect of the special people in our lives. Value your relationships. You won't always have the people you care about by your side—just ask Misty or Kerri.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Dare to Reflect: One of Those Days

The six most freeing words in the English language: It's just one of those days. Emphasis on the "one." There's comfort to be found in knowing that a rough day is a break from the norm, not the new status quo. You can feel down and out, but don't feel stressed about the fact that you feel down and out. Instead, for one day, fool yourself into being cheerfully miserable.

Rather than trying to pretend like you feel happy and whole, embrace your bad mood. Tell everyone about it! Okay, maybe put on a brave face for your boss, but share a moment of lighthearted commiseration with your barista, or drown your sorrows with a friend after work. Buy her a round for putting up with your nonsense. Laugh at how randomly dreadful you feel. What is that all about, anyway?

Managing your emotions and your habits in the long run is important—if one bad day turns into 20, by all means, take action on your own behalf. But an off day is nothing to panic over, even if you can't pinpoint its cause. "One of those days" is just that - one - and tomorrow will be another. Why not make it "one of those days" to remember?

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Katie Couric Steps Out

In the midst of a hectic workday, I took some time out to go to a taping of Katie, Katie Couric’s new show. Katie was authentic, excited, and open to her new adventure into the unknown territory of daytime talk. She is stepping out in a new way—even, as she proudly announced, at the age of 55!

You go, gal. Look for Katie this Fall.