Helene Lerner's Blog, page 191

Career Coach: Push, Push, Hug

Anne Stevens, CEO and principal of SA IT and a recognized leader in outsourced IT services, has had a formidable career. She was the first executive VP for Ford Motor Company and rose to COO before moving on to her next adventure. Do you think she knows a little bit about leadership, team building and inspiring top performance? You bet.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Anne and her team, and the room was dynamic—full of laughter one minute and serious the next. It was clear that the team worked well together and held mutual respect for one another’s roles and expertise. Anne describes her leadership style as "push, push, hug"—she feels that a leader’s job is to communicate clear objectives, hold people accountable, "push" them towards achievement, and remember to “hug” them at the end of the day. She may run an IT company, but she knows her staff is human.

If all you do is "push," you will not be effective. If all you do is “hug,” you will not get top performance. Finding a balance between the two is an art, and frankly, it's not an easy one to master. If you hold a leadership position, do an honest assessment of your team dynamic. How is your balance between pushing and hugging? Most of us tend to be better at one or the other, and evaluating our weaknesses can help us improve.

Even if you’re not a leader in the technical sense of the word, you can use the push, push, hug leadership model to get the most out of your career. After all, we all lead ourselves! Regardless of our titles, we need to challenge ourselves to not only meet expectations, but exceed them. Thanks, Anne!

 

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

The Girl-ympics, Week Two

Time for another update on the ladies of the Olympic Village. We love to see so many international women bringing glory to us all!

The U.S. women's soccer team secured a spot in the finals after defeating Canada yesterday. On Thursday, they will face Japan—a chance at payback for last year's World Cup, when Japan beat America 3-1.
For a few blissful seconds, South Korean fencer Shin A-lam thought she had nabbed victory in the women's fencing semifinals. Then, officials decided to reset the clock from zero to one second—enough time for Shin's opponent, Germany's Britta Heidemann, to make a winning strike. Shin and her coach called foul. Fencing rules stipulate that a contestant who protests an official's decision cannot leave the piste until a final ruling has been reached, so a tearful Shin stayed on the piste for a full hour, prompting one reporter to call her “the loneliest athlete in the Olympics.” Unfortunately, her protest was rejected.
Olympic champion Gabrielle Douglas was chastised by a handful of Tweeters for her supposedly unkempt locks. A few journalists jumped on the bandwagon, and now the 16-year-old's hair has become a legitimate topic of discussion. “I don’t know where this is coming from. What’s wrong with my hair?” the star athlete responded. “I’m like, ‘I just made history and people are focused on my hair?'" You tell 'em, Gabby.
Wojdan Shaherkani also made history last week as the first Saudi Arabian woman to compete in the Olympics. Wojdan, who holds a blue belt in judo, proved no match for her black belt opponent (Melissa Moijca of Puerto Rico), but maintained a positive attitude despite the loss. “I was nervous and afraid, but proud to be the first Saudi woman, and I’m very grateful to the crowd who supported me,” she said.
After the BBC televised a documentary on the British women's weightlifting team, several men tweeted that the female athletes were unattractive (in far less delicate terms). Eighteen-year-old weightlifter Zoe Smith put them in their place. “We actually would rather be attractive to people who aren’t closed-minded and ignorant. Crazy, eh?!” she wrote on her blog. “We, as any women with an ounce of self-confidence would, prefer our men to be confident enough in themselves to not feel emasculated by the fact that we aren’t weak and feeble.” A few days later, Zoe broke Great Britain's female weightlifting record. Victory is the best revenge.

—Linda A. Thompson

Work (It) Within the System

Thanks to all who submitted to our office outfit challenge last week! To show the varied possibilities for self-expression in the workplace, we thought we'd share two very different approaches that we received.

Talk about classy! Nathalie Gregg makes a simple pantsuit flattering and fresh with subtle stripes and delicate jewelry. To borrow her words, "That's how I #leadloudly!" Amen.

For those with more casual offices, Marie Schweitzer's outfit may be more your speed. She uses bold colors and a funky statement necklace to add flair—while keeping her necklines and hemlines in check, of course. For more from Marie on workplace fashion, check out her blog.

No need to confine personal style to the weekends! Whether your dress code calls for suits or sandals, there's almost always a way to work (it) within the system. Let your coworkers know there's more to you than emails and spreadsheets, and find a way to let the "you" you love shine through.

Career Coach: Yin and Yang

The Yin-Yang symbol comes from ancient Chinese philosophy, and refers to opposing but complementary energies in the universe. In our own lives, we might understand this concept to mean sadness and joy, hard times and easy times, or failure and success. If we had our say, we might vote for all yin and no yang—we dread periods of uncertainty and fear, but can't get enough of times when we’re on a roll. We want to skip failure and plunge right into success.

All the same, the universe keeps right on delivering both yin and yang, so maybe it's time we took them both to heart. After all, failures not only sweeten our successes, but make them possible through learning and growth. Too much success can breed arrogance and complacency, while too much failure can lead to cynicism and blame. Embracing both yin and yang can make us stronger, wiser, better human beings.

There are very few overnight successes—every company or individual has experienced both the sour and the sweet, or will at some point in time. The star performer might hit a wall tomorrow, while those who are struggling today could find themselves on top. Failure and success are the yin and yang of your career, and you can't have one without the other. Make the best of both and you will find yourself thriving, both on and off the job.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Horses Don't Lie

Just came back from a brief, much needed vacation where I met some wonderful women.

One of the things I did while I was away was an exercise with horses, which was more about my relationship to them. (It had nothing to do with riding a horse).

It was suggested that the way we take care of (groom) these wonderful animals was indicative of the way we are with people and how we approach situations. For me, this involved asserting myself, looking at my fears and how trusting I really am.

The last thing I was asked to do was to get in the ring with my horse.  I was shown how to signal what I wanted him to do: run, walk, take a full stop, or turn the other way.

I really got into it.  I was clear about what I wanted and had such fun in the process.

Thank you to the kind horse who helped me experience the power within. 

Dare to Watch: Play Your Own Way

We tell you all the time to rest, but this weekend, we want you to play. There's a sheer joy in the concept of play that becomes increasingly hard to find as we grow older. Channel your inner child and do something fun just for the heck of it. Be silly. Be crazy. And above all, be fearless.

No matter where life takes you, you're never too old to play. Have a great weekend, and we'll see you on Monday!

Career Coach: Get Schooled

You've no doubt heard the phrase, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Well, I have news for you—your teacher has arrived, and that teacher is your job. Of course, your job can't actually speak the way you and I do. But if it could, here are two things it might say.

"Quit complaining about me." You may have a difficult boss or few prospects with your current company, but your job is the only one you've got, so you might as well make the best of it. If you don’t change your attitude, you'll only end up more frustrated and stressed than you need to be. Gratitude opens the door to better things.

"You don't know it all...yet." (Ouch!) To move on to the next level, we must first learn the lessons and pass the tests. If we fail, we are held back until can perform—and rightfully so. Teachers have a way of giving us assignments that further our growth, so start taking your current work seriously and you career will start moving at a faster pace.

The status quo got you to where you are, but it won’t take you where you want to go. Perhaps you need to take on some additional responsibiliies to catch your boss's attention. Can you improve your people skills? Your presentation skills? Your ability to exert influence in meetings? Sure, you’re good, but maybe not as good as you think—at least not in every area. If you want more opportunities, you have up the ante.

The problem isn’t your job, your boss, or the economy. The problem is that you still have some lessons to learn, and you alone are in control of how fast you learn them. You may not have the perfect job, but you have the perfect job for now—and if you don't, perhaps you need to step out of your comfort zone and see what else is out there. What’s that? You’re not good at interviewing? I think you’ve just figured out one of those lessons your job can teach you. If you can’t market yourself, you’ll have to settle for what you have.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Dare to Do: Fill Your Plate

Olympic fever is everywhere. Even those who don't follow sports (hi) can likely find something that excites them about the Games. As a lover of all things edible, my guilty pleasure is reading Olympian food diaries, such as those detailed in this article from The New York Times. The amount of food that hardcore athletes need to consume is spellbindingly gross - a dozen eggs? Pints of ice cream? Entire pizzas? - and while there are healthy ways to refuel, time and volume constraints lead many Olympians to gravitate toward not-so-stellar options instead.

While unlimited pizza and beer may sound like a sweet (er, savory) deal, the Times article sheds light on an underlying truth of Olympic-level eating—these athletes are simply trying to break even. Most of us feel bloated and sluggish when we eat too much junk, particularly those with active lifestyles, so the idea of being forced to consume massive amounts of high-calorie "fuel" is somewhat depressing. In fact, athletes who would rather nap than gorge may envy our civilian metabolisms—our ability to fill our plates based on balance and pleasure rather than necessity.

The same principle applies to our professional lives. We hop on the treadmill with an end goal in mind, knowing that sprinting will get us there faster. We barrel ahead, hoping to break our own records and sometimes competing against those running alongside us as well. The longer and faster we run, the more our stamina increases, and the less aware we become of our aches and pains—but the more ravenous we become at the end of the day. We require something more to fill us up, and we don't always choose wisely. We crave the peace of mind found in those who have chosen to opt out of the race.

A full plate is a positive thing. Knowing the strain of a hard day's work is a gift in this economy, and if you want the gold, you owe it to yourself to sprint. Glory can be a respectable end in itself. But pushing your body to superhuman extremes demands sacrifice—not only in terms of the time you spend training, but also in terms of your ability to enjoy the fruits of your labor. The ideal balance of work and fuel changes daily. Sometimes you'll run an extra mile, and sometimes you'll regret the fourth slice of pizza whether you "worked for it" or not. Just know that you'll always need to refuel at the finish line, and do your best to fill your plate with care.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Career Coach: Welcome to August!

Hello! I’m Alan Allard, and I'll be your career coach for the month of August. This month will be all about you—but before we get started, you might want to know a few things about me as well.

For the past eight years, I have worked as a consultant, executive coach, speaker, trainer, and life coach. My current work deals with helping companies, teams, and individuals thrive in challenging times by improving performance and building resilience. I have a master’s and a doctorate in Counseling, and I spent 12 years working in private practice as a psychotherapist. I also wrote a book called Seven Secrets to Happiness! On a personal note, I am married to my high school sweetheart, and we have two incredible daughters (as well as two equally incredible son-in-laws).

Over the next few weeks, we'll be taking a look at what you can do to increase your success, fulfillment, and happiness—both in your career and in your overall life. Please let me know in the comments if if there are any specific topics you'd like me to address. Thanks, and I look forward to another great month!

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

The Girl-ympics, Week One

Have you been following the Olympics? We can't look away! While the Games center around athletic events, they also bring to light various women's issues around the world. Here's a rundown on some of the celebrated victories and major news items that have gone down in the first few days of the competition.

Cyclist Lizzie Armistead won Great Britain's first Olympic medal. After taking silver in the road race, she used the sudden press attention to speak out against inequality in the sports world. “[The sexism I experience in my career] can get overwhelming and frustrating...But it's something that, as an elite athlete, you just get used to," she said at her press conference. "At the moment, there's not much I can do to change it. But after my career, I hope to."
Sharp shooter Kim Rhode became the first American athlete to win medals in five consecutive Olympic Games.
Missy Franklin set a U.S. record in women's 100-meter backstroke, winning her first Olympic gold medal less than 15 minutes after finishing the 200-meter freestyle semi-final. At the tender age of 17, Missy is the first American female swimmer to compete in seven different events at the Olympics. At a news conference last week, Missy shared she was competing for the glory of her hometown of Aurora, CO, especially in light of the mass shooting that took place earlier this month.
The International Judo Federation has ruled that Wodjan Ali Seraj Abdulrahim Shahrkhani will be allowed to wear her headscarf to compete on Friday. Wodjan will become one of the first two female athletes to represent Saudi Arabia at the Olympics.
Soccer player Megan Rapinoe recently announced to the world that she is a lesbian. Megan hopes that other gay athletes will follow her lead. "I feel like sports in general are still homophobic, in the sense that not a lot of people are 'out'," she says. The response to her announcement has been largely positive.
Japan's women's soccer team currently holds the World Cup title—yet the female athletes were forced to fly coach to London, while the men's team traveled by business class. All's not necessarily well that ends well, we're afraid.

—Linda A. Thompson