Helene Lerner's Blog, page 193

Our hearts go out to the people impacted by the killings in Colorado

Our prayers go out to the families of the victims.

Be Your Own Advocate

If you don't stick up for you, who will? Be your own advocate—assert yourself when needed. This and more in our tweet video, below. Follow @womenworking to receive tips and inspiration all day, every day.

Never stop fighting on your own behalf. Have a great weekend, and we'll see you on Monday!

Dare to Reflect: The Waiting Room

The moment at which you can first pinpoint a major goal or change of direction brings an acute ecstasy. As if emerging from a fog, you suddenly understand why you feel unfulfilled and what you can do to change it. You know that action precedes achievement, and you’re willing to put in the work to get to where you want to go. But what happens when the problem isn’t you, but your timing? When you show up fifteen minutes early for the appointment, but still end up waiting for your doctor to finish lunch?

Say you’re dying to graduate and begin your career, but you need a degree to get paid for the same work you’re already doing at your internship. Or you dread going into the office every day, but you dread the idea of moving back in with your parents even more—the likely outcome if you were to quit before securing another opportunity. Or you want to move to a new city, but a year-long lease means that your life is mobile only in theory, and the gatekeeper is your grizzled landlord and his judgmental cat. You know what you need to do - perhaps you’re even doing it! - but the precise timing is out of your hands.

You could resign yourself to misery until the wait is over. You could skate through your classes, contributing the bare minimum and resenting the constraint that homework puts on your time. You could check out at your job, allowing the quality of your work to suffer and sabotaging your chance at a strong recommendation. You could withdraw from your friendships, wishing you were elsewhere and knowing that you will be soon enough. You could spend your time in the waiting room flicking listlessly through an ancient People magazine, reading up on homes that you can’t live in and clothes that you can’t buy.

Or you could hurl yourself into your present reality. You could engage in your classes, initiate compelling discussions, and perhaps discover a new interest or skill along the way. You could view your mediocre job as an opportunity to hone your talents in a safe place, putting yourself in a better position to pounce when the stars finally align. You could consider every interaction to be an end in itself, whether or not it blossoms into a lifelong friendship. You could use your time in the waiting room to actually apply for that new job.

Writing off entire portions of your life is dangerous. Once you settle into a “layover” mentality, you not only resign yourself to boredom and discontent, but you also slow your own progress. Recognize that immediate action isn’t always possible, and see the interim’s lack of consequence as a freedom rather than a constraint. Invest yourself emotionally in the present. Reap the mutual returns that your efforts will generate. And instead of getting lost in that tattered People magazine, create a reality that's worthy of its pages.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Blaze Your Own Trail

Day two of the Multicultural Women's National Conference brought another round of valuable messages to and from women across all fields. I was especially impressed by Maritza Montiel, the Vice Chairman and Deputy CEO of Deloitte.

Maritza's advice to women in the room? Find your passion. As a young girl, Maritza had wanted to be a doctor, but when the holidays came around, her brother was given a doctor’s costume while she was given a nurse's. She didn’t become a doctor, but she does love where she ended up instead! She recommended that women exploit and celebrate who they are, knowing that they are special, and take risks to help them continue to grow. She also shared a belief that who you work for is more important than your role. Sound advice for women in any profession.

A Trailblazers Panel followed, moderated by Gwen Houston (the Global Diversity & Inclusion Manager of Microsoft). Maritza was accompanied by Susan Jin Davis (Comcast's VP of Strategic Services) and Edith Hunt (Goldman Sachs's Advisory Director). All three women were candid and to the point. I asked them how they see women sabotaging themselves at work. They replied that women frequently don’t ask their managers for what they want, and can often be too quick to apologize. Women also allow that self-critical “inside voice” to become the “outside voice,” when sometimes those doubts are better kept inside.

Soledad O’Brien issued a keynote to cap the awards luncheon. She encouraged women to take a stand and let their voices be heard (amen!). What a great day—thanks to all involved!

Move the Needle of Change

"The joint was jumpin,'” as they say, at this morning's Multicultural Women's National Conference. A singing group treated the audience to a nontraditional warmup, and we all found ourselves dancing at 8:45am. What fun!

 

Carol Evans, President of Working Mother Media, is a pioneer and good friend of mine.  After conceiving the idea for the conference over a decade ago, Carol worked relentlessly with Bette Spence (the president of NAFE) and others to make it happen. The purpose of the conference is to deal creatively with issues facing diverse women and break down barriers to their success. This year, the dialogue focused on changes we can create during the next decade, as well as what strategies we can put in place to make them happen.

Denise Morrison (the CEO of Campbell Soup Company) was a featured speaker. When I asked how women can think bigger for themselves, Denise encouraged women to "have a vision, explore their dreams, and create a plan to achieve them." Rosalyn Taylor O'Neale (Campbell's VP and Chief Diversity Officer), who led the conversation with Denise, added that women need to be connected to what they feel passionate about. Much to Rosalyn's surprise, she was later crowned “Mother of the Year”! 

Thank you to Carol and all others involved for putting on such a wonderful event.

And to all of us marvelous women who are fighting the good fight!

 

Make Change Happen

"The joint was jumpin,'” as they say, at this morning's Multicultural Women's National Conference. A singing group treated the audience to a nontraditional warmup, and we all found ourselves dancing at 8:45am. What fun!

 

Carol Evans, President of Working Mother Media, is a pioneer and good friend of mine.  After conceiving the idea for the conference over a decade ago, Carol worked relentlessly with Bette Spence (the president of NAFE) and others to make it happen. The purpose of the conference is to deal creatively with issues facing diverse women and break down barriers to their success. This year, the dialogue focused on changes we can create during the next decade, as well as what strategies we can put in place to make them happen.

Denise Morrison (the CEO of Campbell Soup Company) was a featured speaker. When I asked how women can think bigger for themselves, Denise encouraged women to "have a vision, explore their dreams, and create a plan to achieve them." Rosalyn Taylor O'Neale (Campbell's VP and Chief Diversity Officer), who led the conversation with Denise, added that women need to be connected to what they feel passionate about. Much to Rosalyn's surprise, she was later crowned “Mother of the Year”! 

Thank you to Carol and all others involved for putting on such a wonderful event.

And to all of us marvelous women who are fighting the good fight!

 

Career Coach: Give It Up!

High achievers often have great difficulty letting go of control. Many view a new project or idea as their “baby,” and letting someone else take it for a “walk” can be scary and stressful. However, these people must recognize one key fact: We cannot do it all. Trying to juggle everything is a recipe for disaster. Many great entrepreneurs have found that their businesses were only able to flourish once they handed over a degree of responsibility to others! Delegation is about boosting productivity, not about falling short.

Of course, learning to delegate is easier said than done, and knowing which tasks to let go of (and when) can be tricky. Start by taking inventory of how you are spending your time. Which tasks are easy enough for someone else to perform without sacrificing work quality or losing valuable time to extensive training? Any tasks that are time-consuming but relatively simple can be turned over to an employee, assistant, or intern.

Bear in mind that the kind of help that you enlist will affect your willingness to share the burden. Maintain high standards, and be optimistic that you can and will find someone competent to assist you. With a little legwork (and perhaps even a bit of trial and error), you will find someone who is both reliable and intelligent. You may even find that the your assistant's contributions exceed your own expectations or abilities!

Ultimately, your focus should be on the core elements of your business. This means plotting strategy, meeting with prospective clients, and thinking about the big picture. Managing your calendar and answering mundane emails are tasks that you can (and should) outsource to someone else. Find a reliable person with a track record of success, and trust in the value of your time. Then shift your focus to where it belongs—and watch your time (and efforts) multiply.

—Madeline Lewis, Career Coach

Dare to Watch: Stretch Your Abilities

"We can create anything that we desire. It's all within our grasp," says physical therapist Elaine Buenconsejo. "We just have to not be afraid to take risks, and know what we really want." Learn more about Elaine's successful New York City practice (and the life philosophy behind it) in our video interview, below.

—Video by Amy Stringer

You Can Transform any Challenge

The job you wanted falls through.

Your significant relationship is going through a crisis.

You are frustrated because you don't have enough money coming in to pay your bills.  

Each one of the situations can be overwhelming and leave you feeling desperate. Through the years, I gone through my share of tough times.  In looking back, what has gotten me through them are the following realizations:

. I don't have to do anything ALONE.  There is always something there to help me if I reach out for support.

. When I look at how my behavior may have contributed to the situation, learn the lessons, and move on, I experience great growth.

.The learning I get during these times can be used to help other people who may be going through the same thing.

To paraphase a wonderful minister and inspirational speaker, Norman Vincent Peale, Don't Quit Before the Miracle is about to Happen. Just keep on keeping on.

Dare to Watch: Do Something Differently

Challenge yourself to do something differently. One tiny change is all it takes to transform your whole reality, so take a step outside your comfort zone! This and more in our tweet video, below. Follow @womenworking on Twitter to receive tips and advice all day, every day.

Have the courage to embrace change rather than running away from it. Enjoy your weekend, and we'll see you on Monday!