Helene Lerner's Blog, page 196

Career Coach: Talk Yourself Ready

Every important meeting goes more smoothly with little bit of prep work. Before you meet with anyone who is a key decision maker or influencer (or even just someone you want to influence), take three actions:

Write down the name of the person and the reason for the meeting. Think of what results you hope to elicit from the conversation.
After you nail down your objectives, write out a general outline of what you want to say. Then review and tweak your initial thoughts. Cut out all unimportant, subjective, or emotional language, leaving just your key points positioned in the possible strongest way.
Visualize the meeting and conversation, and practice each argument, as well as how you hope to transition between your points. You can practice alone, or enlist another person to interact with you and give you feedback. Do so until you feel comfortable with your talking points and prepared for any unplanned segues or objections.

Now you’re ready for the meeting, as well as any and all opportunities for advancement that come about as a result. You are a peer, and you have a talent, ideas, or experiences that will help your organization be more successful. Now go get 'em!

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Dare to Do: Strut Your Stuff with Ruthie Davis (Giveaway!)

If you caught our video feature on Ruthie Davis and her studded footwear (and star-studded clientele), you already know that Ruthie's confidence is infectious—and her wise perspective on the ups and downs of business is perhaps her most striking feature of all. Have a peek at some behind-the-scenes photos from our video shoot, or scroll down to find out how you can win one of Ruthie's designer handbags for yourself.

Ruthie's showroom, featuring a sneak peek at some of next season's styles. (Feathered chandeliers will also be huge this fall. Mark our words.)

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Shoes on shoes (on shoes on shoes on shoes). Which style is your favorite?

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Designer slash...foot model? Ruthie multitasks to fill the needs on set.

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The shoot's unofficial mascot.

Craving some glamour of your own? Ruthie Davis has generously agreed to donate an oversized clutch purse like the one pictured above to one lucky reader. To enter, like our Facebook page and leave a comment telling us what makes you feel confident (a song, red lipstick, a lucky charm—whatever!). We'll select a random winner at 5pm EST on Thursday, June 28. Good luck, glamazons!

—Photos by Amy Stringer

Career Coach: Choose Like a Boss

Some of the most successful people are not necessarily the smartest or the most talented. They may not have the most experience, either within their current companies or elsewhere.  What they do have is the ability to present themselves with confidence. They believe in their work and the value that they bring to their organizations, and they're not afraid to say so.

You can be the smartest person in the room, but if no one else knows it, you're going nowhere. The more confident you appear, the easier it will be to see that your voice is heard. If you appear unsure of yourself, other people are less likely to want to listen to your ideas or follow your lead. One way to acquire the appearance of confidence is to become conscious of the way you make decisions.

In general, women have a tendency to process their thoughts aloud, but people who work through decisions verbally are often perceived as unsure of themselves or incapable of making decisions. Processing externally isn't wrong, per se, but if you want to build your credibility, only do so in the company of people you trust. Try writing down what you might have otherwise spoken through aloud, and know your plan of action before you meet with stakeholders or decision makers in your organization.

Honing your decision-making style can work wonders in helping you build a confident, competent reputation. If you can learn to choose like a boss, you'll be one step closer to becoming one.

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Dare to Watch: Moving On Up In STEM

Verizon’s Judy Spitz, a leader I greatly admire, was honored this week at the 17th Annual Leadership and Service in Technology Award Reception. The reception is part of the Seidenberg School of Computer Science and Information Systems of Pace University.  

In her typical generous fashion, Judy wanted to "pay it forward"—so she invited young women who had created some wonderful science, technology, engineering and math (STEM) projects to share them at the reception. CNN’s Soledad O’Brien also gave a passionate keynote address.

Below is a short video capturing some of the event's highlights. Enjoy!  

The bottom line: We need more women in STEM careers, and that means encouraging more girls to enter these fields. Another thing we need? More role models who girls can look up to. Well, Judy sure is one of those—and so is Soledad.

—Video by Amy Stringer

Career Coach: The Meeting Before the Meeting

You’ve now volunteered for a project where you can use your unique skills, talents, and experiences to add value to your company. You’re thinking strategically, and more people are taking notice. Let’s talk about what you can do to leverage your work on this project even more.

If your project involves senior leaders from your department, don’t let your brilliance to get lost in a general meeting with your entire team. Once you hit on a creative idea that will make the project more successful, contact one (or more) of these leaders to set up a one-on-one check-in. We'll call it “the meeting before the meeting.”  At this check-in, you’ll share your ideas for moving forward and get feedback on your current progress.

Let the senior leader know that you have an idea, but want to run it by him or her before you present it in order to ensure that your vision is aligned. This lets the executive know that you have valuable insights to contribute, which will lead him or her to pay more attention to your contributions at larger meetings. It also prevents others from getting credit for your ideas.

Afterward, send a follow-up note summarizing your meeting and joint accountabilities. Cc (and acknowledge) the supervisor who chose you for the project. This will make both of you look good and prevent your boss from feeling like you are going over his or her head. You want to move ahead, but you also want to be ethical and give credit to those who support you.

Make a list of potential projects where your skills and knowledge can make a difference, as well as names of senior stakeholders in those areas. Your next step will be to create a strategy for approaching these stakeholders and making these projects come to life.

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Dare to Do: Drop the Mental Mirror

In an age of self-help books and (ahem) inspirational websites, women are constantly encouraged to self-evaluate. An anxious refrain plays on loop in our minds: Am I successful? What is success? Am I happy? How do I know? Do I only think I'm successful and happy because I've only ever known this level of success and happiness? Am I living up to my potential? We squint and stare daily into our mental mirrors, convinced that if we look long enough, we'll unlock the secret to becoming the best possible versions of ourselves. The pursuit of inner beauty has become as scientific as the pursuit of the perfect lipstick.

But unlike lip color or pore size, the mental mirror raises questions that matter, tied to emotions that significantly affect our lives and our enjoyment of them. A tendency to fall headlong into the mental mirror is not nearly so easily dismissed as superfluous or vain. And unlike Narcissus, swooning over the sight of his own reflection, we often fall into an equally unhealthy pattern of becoming increasingly reviled by what we see. The longer we stare inward, the more aware we become of actions and attitudes we ought to be rearranging, and the more ominous even our most innocuous behaviors start to seem.

While introspection is valuable in moderation, there comes a point where gazing into the mental mirror becomes crippling rather than useful. The inner perfectionist wants to convince us that we can achieve inner peace, inner balance, inner beauty—but these concepts are all relative, and their ideal composition changes daily. Not every thought carries a message from your subconscious. Not every action ought to be placed on an axis. Not every bad mood is an sign of something more sinister at play. There's little utility in berating or scaring yourself by analyzing your life on a moment-to-moment basis.

Setting aside the impossibility of achieving so-called perfection, it's also pointless to spend time criticizing (or even just analyzing) yourself without actually putting a plan for change into motion. You wouldn't consult a mirror and say, "Wow, what an unflattering outfit! Oh well, guess I'll wear it anyway!" Self-awareness can only get you so far—there comes a point where you have to turn recognition of destructive thoughts or behaviors into action against them. Once you become aware of a wayward tendency, you owe it to yourself to turn it around—and once you begin transforming that aspect of you're life, you'll likely feel less overwhelmed by other areas you could stand to improve.

Know yourself. Understand your inner life, and be aware of your stengths and your weaknesses. Just remember that there is a world going on outside your head, and every inward glance ought to be matched by an outward action. Instead of seeking out the danger in yourself, seek out the magic in others. Practice positive self-improvement—focus on adding good behaviors rather than cutting or criticizing the bad, and soon, the former will become your reality. Keep your mental mirror on hand—it can provide a great deal of valuable information! But after you make sure there's no spinach in your teeth, stash it in your pocket, and feast your eyes on the reality rather than the reflection.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Dare to Reflect: It's a Woman's World

Have you ever fantasized about a magical place where balancing after-work mixers with school play rehearsals always magically worked out? Where morning commutes were easy breezy, and you never stayed later than 6pm? Unfortunately, that place may only exist in your dreams—but in some places around the world, working women really do have it easier than they do in the USA.

Iceland comes the closest to being a working woman's paradise, inasmuch as Icelanders have more or less settled the battle of the sexes. For the past three years in a row, the Scandinavian country has held the number-one spot in the World Economic Forum's Global Gender Gap report. This means that Iceland boasts the greatest equality between men and women in terms of politics, education, employment, and health. Speaking strictly of numbers, however, Burundi's women are on top. The sub-Saharan nation is the only country in the world where a greater percentage of women (92%) than men (88%) are part of the workforce.

When it comes to maternity leave, our northern neighbor Canada leads the way. Canadian women can get up to 50 weeks of partially paid maternity leave to care for their newborns (most Western countries offer working mothers a more modest 14 to 20 weeks). In fact, the United States is the only industrialized nation in which hard labor (pardon the pun) receives no paid maternity leave. Check out this infographic to see how the United States stacks up against the rest of the world in this department.

In recent years, the lack of women on executive boards has become a subject of public debate. In 2003, Norway decided to put its money where its mouth was by introducing a female quota (40%) in boardrooms of publicly traded companies. Nine years later, the country has the highest representation of female directors in the world, and several other European countries have since followed Norway's lead. Belgium, on the other hand, is the trailblazer when it comes to wage gaps—in 2010, women there earned just 9% less than their male counterparts there (to put that number in perspective, the wage gap is double that at 18% in the States).

No one country has all of the solutions, however, and even the smallest wage gap is still unacceptable. Similarly, no one woman holds all the answers to balancing a job, family, and friends. You might be tempted to think that if you just work a little harder, or make do with a little less sleep, everything would be different—but some issues really do go over our heads. Let this be a reminder that while women have made phenomenal strides all over the world, there remains a great deal of room for improvement when it comes to empowering women in the workplace—both here and across the border.

—Linda A. Thompson

Career Coach: Don't Volunteer for the Potluck

Most people who give career advice to women talk about the importance of volunteering for projects. What they often forget to mention is that the type of project (and the role you take in it) makes a difference. Whether you're stepping up on the job or with a professional organization, always think in terms of strategic placement rather than simple tactics.

Take on a role in which your talents and skills will be recognized as adding value. Do your research, and identify projects and roles that will put you in a position to work with senior leaders and key influencers, or provide opportunities for you to gain expert status in your area. Whatever you do, don’t volunteer (or allow someone else to volunteer you) to organize the company potluck! Even if it goes off flawlessly, the only title of recognition it will win you is "good cook" or "food planner"—neither of which are skills necessary to move into senior management.

I don’t mean to imply that you should never help with simple tasks. You should—after you take your rightful place in your organization. If you begin with tactics instead of with strategy, you'll have a hard time repositioning yourself as or someone who contributes to your company's success at a high level. Find relevant ways to demonstrate your leadership skills and differentiate yourself according to your strengths. As you move up, remember to help others do the same. A good leader knows how to make the whole team shine.

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Dare to Know: Swimming in Wisdom with Barbara Corcoran

Warm-blooded shark Barbara Corcoran is swimming in so much wisdom that it seems only fitting to follow up her initial business insights with a second round of advice. Don’t believe us? Just ask, well, her. “I’ve always envisioned myself like the Pope, with people kissing my ring and coming to me for my blessing,” Barbara confides. “But you know what? For someone like me, that was a powerful business plan. There’s so much emphasis on education these days, but I’m much more of a believer in having a dream or vision of yourself.” Barbara argues that a high self-concept translates into a deeper emotional investment and, ultimately, a greater level of success. “The #1 reason to be in business is to be your own boss—to decide everything from the wall color to the business cards,” she asserts. “Make your world exactly how you want it to be, and you’ll become tremendously interested in what you do. It’s about as close as you can get to playing God.”

In fact, Barbara’s description of the entire entrepreneurial process is more labor-of-love than five-year-plan. “I started my business before I started a family, so I only served one baby,” she recalls. “I didn’t have any sibling rivalry.” Though Barbara acknowledges that her decision to postpone motherhood was a contributing factor toward her success, the idea of family has always informed her desired atmosphere at work. “I had a vision of how happy we were all going to be—the beautiful offices, the foot rubs that would happen every Tuesday and Thursday, the manicure guy that would come through the office,” she waxes decadently. “It sounds ridiculous to spend money I didn’t even have at the time on stupid, soft things like a health spa, but I wanted to have a happy family.” Once actualized, Barbara’s grandiose vision translated into a hard-hitting business strategy in its own right. “No one left!” she exclaims. “I didn’t have any retention problems.”

When a more traditional family life came along, Barbara became conflicted by the warring demands of work and motherhood. Her solution involved letting go of what she calls the “fairy tale” of balance. “I replaced it with dividing lines—walls between my business and my family,” she explains. “If I’m at work, I’m so hyper-focused that I’m not thinking about my kids or anything I’m going to do at home. But once I walk out that door at 4pm, boom! I’m hyper-focused on my family. I’m not checking emails. I’m turning off my phone. The office could burn down and nobody would dare call me.” Barbara credits this separation with her ability to maintain both her efficiency and her sanity. “If I didn’t think this way, I would be ineffective on both fronts,” she insists. Her loved ones, however, have found ways to beat the system. “If my husband wants to reach me at work, he always says he’s calling from The New York Times,” Barbara reveals. “He disguises his voice, and he gets right through to me.” Sounds like a man who knows who he’s dealing with.

On the subject of girls versus boys, Barbara has noticed a pointed disparity in male and female approaches toward business. “Women come in sizing up the individual long before the opportunity,” she articulates. “They run a quick analysis in their heads: Do I like this person? Do I trust this person? Does this person know what they’re talking about? How can I use them best? Women approach business from the person out, and men approach business from the business out.” Barbara defends the former approach, citing the changeability of any given proposal as a case for prioritizing the relationship behind it. “I know I can reinvent a business,” she says breezily. “But you can’t rebuild a person.”

Indeed, Barbara’s favorite ventures on Shark Tank have all been defined as such by personalities rather than profit margins. Among her fondest investments, she names Tiffany Krumins’ Ava the Elephant medicine dispenser for children afflicted with AIDS (“invented from the heart”), Kim Daisy’s DaisyCakes mail-order bakery (“I got my investment back in two weeks, and they’re the most delicious cakes in America. Don’t order one unless you want to pork out”), and Fleetwood Hick’s Villy Custom Bikes (“like working with an artist. I feel like I have my own Van Gogh in my business lineup”). Whether she’s dealing with bikes or bakeries, however, Barbara will take a determined spirit over a diploma any day. “Less information and more courage gets you much further in business,” she declares simply. Spoken like a shark with a well-honed plan of attack.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

If you're in the tri-state area, you can find info on Barbara's upcoming entrepreneur conference in New York City here.

Dare to Watch: Fashion's Wild Ride

"It's like riding a roller coaster. It goes up and down," explains Ruthie Davis of her whirlwind life designing shoes and accessories for the likes of Lady Gaga and Beyoncé Knowles. "And if you do it long enough, you don't get too freaked out about the downs, because you know the up is coming." While Ruthie's signature edgy glamour has been embraced by the glitterati, you don't have to headed for a red carpet to embody the confident woman for whom Ruthie designs. "My shoes are for women who feel good about themselves—who want to express themselves," Ruthie clarifies. "Women who feel good about standing tall."

So what advice does the design maven offer women dying to walk a mile in her heels? "Have that mindset of a challenge, and love it, and say, 'Bring it on," encourages Ruthie. Guess your heels are never too high for you to keep on growing.

—Video by Amy Stringer