Helene Lerner's Blog, page 199

Career Coach: Imposter Alert!

Are you an imposter?

Okay, let me clarify—despite being smart, talented and accomplished, do you often feel as though you aren't? Do you find yourself thinking, “I know I’m all that, but I don’t feel like I’m all that”? If you are nodding your head in agreement, you are not alone.

In fact, you are so far from alone that there is a name for what you feel. It’s called Imposter Syndrome (or the Imposter Phenomenon), and it's what happens when successful and accomplished people don’t feel successful and accomplished despite their track records. They fear that one day, everyone will discover that their success has been a fluke—that they were undeserving of it. On some level, they feel like frauds.

These feelings are surprisingly common. You might be shocked to learn that even some pretty famous and well-respected people deal with Imposter Syndrome! But don't take my word for it...

"I have written eleven books, but each time I think, 'Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.'" —Maya Angelou

"You think, 'Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?'" —Meryl Streep

"At any time, I still think the no-talent police will come and arrest me." —Mike Myers

Can you relate? If so, consider how well you have done despite your self-doubt and self-recriminations. Then think of how much more you could achieve (and how much more you would enjoy your success) if you were to own it.

You don’t have to live the rest of your life feeling as though you are undeserving. You are not an imposter, so drop the label right now. You got yourself to where you are today. You are smart, talented, and accomplished. You are all these things and more. It’s time for you to own it.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Dare to Know: Saadia Zahidi Turns a Career Into a Calling

So you want to make a difference, huh? You could start a viral YouTube campaign. You could befriend a celebrity or public figure. Or you could study hard, work your way up through a field such as economics or finance, and then parlay your influence into the pursuit of social good.

For Saadia Zahidi, Senior Director of the World Economic Forum, a background in economics was a necessary stepping stone to a more fulfilling role with the Global Gender Gap. “I’ve always wanted to work toward some form of public service,” Saadia explains, “but I’ve found that if you go directly into those fields, you tend to not be as effective as if you learn another set of skills and bring those to the social responsibility atmosphere.” So Saadia came at her dream career from a different angle. “Once you’ve built up a certain amount of credibility and know the basic tools of your subject area, you can start applying those tools to your passion,” she explains of the trajectory that led her from dissecting the financial crisis to promoting women's rights and leadership worldwide.

Saadia applies the same seeking attitude that has allowed her to craft a personally satisfying career to her work with the Global Gender Gap. “I always say, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained,’” she cites, further clarifying, “If you don’t take that risk, if you don’t innovate, if you don’t try, if you don’t ask—you will never have that answer, that opportunity, whatever it is that you’re looking for.” While the stakes are high for a leader at Saadia’s level, she refuses to let the abstract threat of failure hold her – or the women she represents – back. “What’s the worst that will happen? You don’t gain what you’re after? Fine,” she shrugs, clearly undaunted by the possibility. “But it’s better to have tried and not succeeded than not to have tried at all.” Now that's an economic analysis we can get behind.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

The World Economic Forum is an independent international organization committed to improving the state of the world by engaging business, political, academic and other leaders of society to shape global, regional and industry agendas. Through the Women Leaders and Gender Parity Program, the World Economic Forum is committed to promoting women’s leadership and closing global gender gaps. The program strives to increase the participation of women in the Forum’s activities by ensuring their involvement as members in communities and inviting women leaders to be active contributors to the global dialogue. For more information on the related issues and upcoming events, visit the Forum's website.

Career Coach: Positive Thinking Done Right

Positive thinking can be a surefire way to stand out at work. But while you might believe that positivity is always a positive trait, that’s not necessarily the case. We’ve all heard the phrase “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses,” and it’s not usually meant as a compliment. To some, positive thinking isn’t “realistic.” That's why it's important to understand how positive thinking can work for you.

So what is positive thinking, and why should you care? After all, if you do good work and deliver it on time, what more could your boss and coworkers ask for? Actually, they could ask for a lot more! Whether you like it or not, you are building an ongoing personal brand with your attitude, and this reputation is either helping you or hurting you at work.

Positive thinking doesn't mean being overly optimistic. Productive positive thinking means focusing on solutions, taking action, and exceeding expectations. Positive thinkers don’t ignore facts just because they don’t like them—they deal with the facts and transform them by finding solutions, taking quick action, and delivering unexpected results.

Is this the kind of role you play in your company? Is this your reputation? If not, why not? Even if you are already a positive thinker, ask yourself if there any room for improvement. I’m positive there is for me. What about you?

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Dare to Reflect: Can You Forgive Someone Who Hurts You?

Getting close to other people is a complex process. We want to experience close relationships, but when we let others know our innermost thoughts, we become vulnerable to them as well. While this can be exhilarating, it also opens us up to being hurt by their intended or unintended slights.

What's helped me in working through this dilemma is to remember that when another person says or does something that triggers me to feel less than my powerful self, the offending comment says more about the other person's state of mind than it says about me. At a later time, when things cool down, I can share how the offending action made me feel in a more appropriate manner.

The concept of detachment is important. Not taking everything personally is easier said than done, but it really is the way to go. During the holiday weekend, if someone close to you seems "off," detach and practice compassion. Doing this not only serves them, but also results in a calmer you.

 

Can you forgive someone who hurts you?

Getting close to other people is complex. We want this however, when we let someone know our innermost thoughts, we become vulnerable to them.  It can be exhilarating but we also open ourselves up to being hurt by their intended or unintended slights.

What's helped me in working through this dilemma is to remember when another person is off and may say something or do something that triggers me to feel "less than" my powerful self, it is more about them (and how they feel about themselves), rather than me.

The concept of detachment is important, not to take it personally.  This sometimes is easier said than done, but it really is the way to go.  At the appropriate time, when things cool down, I can share how what they did made me feel.

So during the holiday weekend, if someone close to you is off. Detach and practice compassion.  This is not for them, but for a calmer you.

 

Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

If you're waiting for everything in your life to line up perfectly before going after what you want, you'll be waiting a long time. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Trust yourself to handle temporary unease in pursuit of long-term glory. This and more in our video, below. Follow us on Twitter to receive tips and encouragement all day, every day.

Kick off summer with a smart risk. We can't wait to hear all about it after the long weekend. Happy Memorial Day!

Career Coach: Managers Are People Too

If you have an outstanding manager, consider yourself lucky. Most managers are good, but very few are outstanding. An outstanding manager is someone with a truly incredible base of technical knowledge in his or her field—someone who is capable of consistently getting the best out of his or her team. An outstanding manager not only trains team members well, but also actually inspires them! Probably ten percent of managers across the country (okay, let’s be generous—twenty percent) meet this criteria.

Unfortunately, that leaves eighty percent in the “good, but not outstanding” category. If you work for someone in this group, you can likely find legitimate things to complain about without trying too hard. But before you go down that negative road, consider the following four facts.

Most managers are doing the best they can. I don’t know of a single manager who goes to work with the intent of making things difficult for his or her team members. Managers want to succeed at their jobs, and they want you to succeed at yours. There are exceptions to this, of course, but they are just that—exceptions.

Most managers have never been to “Manager School.” Your manager was probably promoted because he or she was good at a particular job, but that doesn’t magically translate into being good at managing, leading and inspiring. The sad fact is that most managers receive very little formal leadership training. Consider your manager's training against your expectations—perhaps your manager is doing a better job than you think!

Most managers have to do double duty. Managers have to do their own work on top of supervising everyone else's, which means that they are sometimes forced to spend time helping others while their own duties fall by the wayside. This can be doubly frustrating when it means listening to a team's frustrations, disappointments, or worse—complaints.

Most managers (make that all managers) can’t please everyone. Your manager has a boss as well as a team, and pleasing everyone can be near impossible. The problem is that everyone believes his or her needs are more important than everyone else's, and everyone expects the manager to do whatever it takes to make them happy. Imagine coming to work every day knowing someone will be less than happy with something. What fun it is to be a manager!

So your manager isn’t outstanding. Well, adjust your expectations. Give your manager a break. If you don’t, and you are promoted to a management position one day...watch out for karma!

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Dare to Know: Carmelita Jeter Is In It to Win It

Carmelita Jeter wakes up at six, eats her Wheaties, puts on her clothes, and heads to the office—just like you. The difference? Her office is a gymnasium, her to-do list is a five-hour training session, and her upcoming business trip just happens to be the 2012 Olympics. As the current world champion in the 100-meter dash, Carmelita is coming down the home stretch in the race to this summer’s games. “I try to remind myself that no one’s going to give this to me,” she says of her physically demanding training schedule, which consists of two hours in the weight room followed by three on the track. “Nobody’s going to stop the race and say, ‘Oh, okay, you can win!’ I have to put in the work.”

Training like an Olympian means some workout conditions are non-negotiable—the soundtrack, for instance. “Music is very important to me,” Carmelita explains. “I can’t just hear anything. I’ve got to feel it. It’s more of an attitude.” So what’s been getting her in the zone lately? “The last meet that I ran in, I warmed up to Best of Aaliyah. But there could be a particular day when someone puts on Jay-Z, and I say, ‘No, I want to listen to Maroon 5!’” she exclaims. Once the music stops, the “Fastest Woman in the World” is equally at home in the express checkout of a department store as she is in the speed lane of a race track. “I have a bit of a shopping problem,” the self-professed girly-girl cheerfully confesses, naming fashion and beauty among her chief interests outside the gym.

Even being an international track star has its dark moments, however—a lesson Carmelita learned the hard way in 2008, when a combination of overconfidence and under-training kept her off of the United States Olympic team. Instead of allowing the setback to derail her, Carmelita threw herself into her training, determined to make a comeback through good old-fashioned sweat and tenacity. Sure enough, her hard work paid off—Carmelita shattered her personal bests the following year, taking multiple gold medals at international athletic competitions and running the second-fastest 100-meter race in history. Carmelita hopes to continue her winning streak in London this summer, and accredits her stick-to-itiveness to her father’s influence. “I push myself to the limit,” she says simply, “and I do not allow anyone to limit me.”

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Dare to Know: Carmelita Jeter Runs Like a Girl

Carmelita Jeter wakes up at six, eats her Wheaties, puts on her clothes, and heads to the office—just like you. The difference? Her office is a gymnasium, her to-do list is a five-hour training session, and her upcoming business trip just happens to be the 2012 Olympics. As the current world champion in the 100-meter dash, Carmelita is coming down the home stretch in the race to this summer’s games. “I try to remind myself that no one’s going to give this to me,” she says of her physically demanding training schedule, which consists of two hours in the weight room followed by three on the track. “Nobody’s going to stop the race and say, ‘Oh, okay, you can win!’ I have to put in the work.”

Training like an Olympian means some workout conditions are non-negotiable—the soundtrack, for instance. “Music is very important to me,” Carmelita explains. “I can’t just hear anything. I’ve got to feel it. It’s more of an attitude.” So what’s been getting her in the zone lately? “The last meet that I ran in, I warmed up to Best of Aaliyah. But there could be a particular day when someone puts on Jay-Z, and I say, ‘No, I want to listen to Maroon 5!’” she exclaims. Once the music stops, the “Fastest Woman in the World” is equally at home in the express checkout of a department store as she is in the speed lane of a race track. “I have a bit of a shopping problem,” the self-professed girly-girl cheerfully confesses, naming fashion and beauty among her chief interests outside the gym.

Even being an international track star has its dark moments, however—a lesson Carmelita learned the hard way in 2008, when a combination of overconfidence and under-training kept her off of the United States Olympic team. Instead of allowing the setback to derail her, Carmelita threw herself into her training, determined to make a comeback through good old-fashioned sweat and tenacity. Sure enough, her hard work paid off—Carmelita shattered her personal bests the following year, taking multiple gold medals at international athletic competitions and running the second-fastest 100-meter race in history. Carmelita hopes to continue her winning streak in London this summer, and accredits her stick-to-itiveness to her father’s influence. “I push myself to the limit,” she says simply, “and I do not allow anyone to limit me.”

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Career Coach: The Audacity!

Do you think you're audacious? What does that mean, anyway? Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean—being audacious isn't about being rude, crazy, weird, or narcissistic, at least not in my book. Being audacious is about being more confident than afraid, being more venturesome than timid, and letting go of old and outdated perceptions that hold you back and hide the real you from the world. Being audacious is about being yourself, playing to your strengths, and saying “yes” more often, both at work and in life.

Steve Jobs was audacious. So was Mother Teresa. And you know what? So are you! You don’t have to be doing groundbreaking, high-profile work to be audacious. You just have to be yourself—your true self. We all exist somewhere on the continuum of audacity, and we all have the ability to be bold and step outside our comfort zones. If you want to be more audacious, here are three ways you can do so.

Redefine audacity. If you are afraid of being audacious, you will play small. And you are not small—you have a great deal of passion, drive, and positive energy inside of you, and no one is served by your holding back. If you are the best person to tackle a problem or head up a project, say so. Give your boss solid reasons why you are the best one for the job, and share why you feel passionate about it. That’s being audacious.

Acknowledge your nerve. You've been audacious before—even if only a little bit. Maybe you gave a presentation at work despite fears of falling short. You doubted that you could be engaging, informative and confident...but you did it anyway! Honor that. Let go of the harsh self-evaluation, and applaud yourself for being audacious enough to put yourself out there.

Build on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but many of us tend to focus on the latter. Doing so squelches your ability to be yourself and do your best work—in short, to be audacious. Manage your weaknesses and keep them from derailing you, but give your attention and love to your strengths. You will find your natural audaciousness there.

Being audacious isn't about comparing yourself to others, but rather trusting yourself and allowing yourself to show up in the moment. Be yourself - your true self - at work, at play, and everywhere else. Some people will love you; others, not so much. But if it’s going to be that way anyway, what do you really have to lose? Better yet, think about what you stand to gain!

—Alan Allard, Career Coach