Helene Lerner's Blog, page 197

Career Coach: Be a Social Butterfly

Don’t get stuck with people who will hold you back, or allow your success to depend on that of other women. Be conscious of your helpers and your hinderers—make time for the former, and appreciate the modern convenience of caller ID in screening out the latter. Build a diverse network, and attend functions and events so that new people can get to know you.

Make a list of upcoming events that are relevant to your career goals, and create an action plan. List your objectives for attending. Going with a purpose will instill more self-confidence. If possible, get a list of the attendees in advance. Once you know whom you want to meet, use the Internet to brush up on background information so that you feel more comfortable when talking to them. Use LinkedIn to find out whether you have any mutual friends or acquaintances. If so, ask for an email introduction before the event, or ask the mutual acquaintance if you can use their name to introduce yourself in person.

As for getting through the events themselves? Don’t worry about talking to everyone—just deal with one person at a time. Have several questions ready to kick start conversation (Have you been to these meetings before? What brings you here, or what keeps you coming back? How have you benefitted from these events?), and do your best to listen more than you talk. Everyone loves to feel heard—and you're likely to learn something if you allow yourself to absorb.

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

 

Cherish the Moments

My cat CK which means (Cute Kitten) is about 12 years old.  They say you multiple that times 7 to get the age of the cat.  So although CK looks like a young cat, he is really a wise old creature. I originally brought him home for Heath who, at that time, was a young boy.  Now Heath is 22.

This week CK became sluggish and lethargic so I took him to the vet. Many of you probably know what it is like to give medicine to an animal.  They don't like it much, but I am doing it anyway.

This wonderful feline has given us so much unconditional love through the years. Unfortunately, he is still sluggish and it may just be his time.  I am praying for his recovery, but you don't really have much control, do you?.

To Mr. CK...may he have more good years, but if not, I so appreciate our time with him.

PS  CK could slam dunk a basketball into a hoop.  When Heath was about 10 he had one of those toy basketball set ups. We taught CK how to slam dunk. I can hear all of us laughing now.

 

Career Coach: Mentee to Be

Now that you've sought out your perfect mentor, know how to be a good mentee. A mentor can show you the way, but you must then be the one to do the footwork. That means being willing to take responsibility for your own learning.

The first time you meet with your potential mentor, be clear about what you want. The more specific you can be, the easier it will be for that person to help you. At the same time, be flexible and aware that your objectives may change as you become more conscious of things you didn’t know before.

Define the mentoring relationship—will it be a formal or informal mentoring process? If it’s formal, you and your mentor will schedule specific times to meet or talk by phone. You’ll create this framework together. If it’s informal, you'll still need clear objectives, although you won’t have a regular contact schedule—you’ll meet as needed.

Discuss with your mentor the process you’ll use to receive feedback. Agree on how you’ll resolve any conflicts or misunderstandings, and be prepared to be held accountable for your actions. Determine what works best for you. Be willing to learn, and be open with your mentor about your goals and expectations. And don't underestimate your ability to mentor your mentor in unexpected ways!

Your mentor will help you move forward. Stick with the “winners”—people who support you and lift you up when you have self-doubt. Let high self-esteem and confidence become a habit.

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Dare to Win: Father's Day Giveaway!

Still looking for the perfect Father’s Day gift?

These adorable monkey ties are sure to drive your dad bananas—and we’re giving one of them away courtesy of Jay Kos (see our video feature to get acquainted with Jay and his stylish life philosophy)! To enter:

1. Like our Facebook page.
2. Leave a comment on the link to this post with the best piece of advice your father ever gave you.

We’ll select a winner at random at 3pm EST on Friday, June 15. Good luck, and Happy Father's Day!

Dare to Know: Barbara Corcoran, Warm-Blooded Shark

Barbara Corcoran may sit on the panel of ABC’s hit business-themed reality show Shark Tank, but don’t expect to find her snapping her jaws or circling her prey. “I’m anything but a shark,” insists the real estate mogul, business consultant, author, and speaker. “An investor? Definitely. A partner of small businesses? Definitely. An advocate of them? Of course. But ‘shark’? A shark bites!” she exclaims, dismissing the unflattering investor stereotype. “I guess I take a bite out of business, but a shark doesn’t sound like somebody you want to hang out with, does it? It doesn’t sound like somebody you’re going to build a team with, does it? It sounds like somebody who’s going to have a lot of blood and unhappiness in the water. And none of those are things I want in a business.”

“In fact,” Barbara continues, “none of the people I’ve known to be tremendously successful were sharks. They were shrewd - still starts with ‘S,’ so there’s a similarity there - and they were hustlers, and they certainly never stopped swimming. But it’s very hard to build a team unless you’re a terrific leader, and you can’t build a big business unless you have a terrific team.” According to Barbara, animal instinct keeps even land mammals from falling victim to overly predatory business partnerships. “If you’re a bad guy, people see through that, and nobody really wants to work with you for long,” she says. “If you’re a good guy, they rally around your flag, and they support you. Before you know it, you’re being raised up by people who love you—a much more enjoyable way to reach the top than eating your way there.”

So what kind of a team member does this Mama Shark want in her tank? “The number one quality I look for is the ability to take a hit,” Barbara answers without hesitation. “The really terrific people take less time feeling sorry for themselves. Whether it’s a public feeling sorry, like, “Oh, poor me,” or going into hiding, or not reaching out, or feeling injured—it’s poison to success.” Resilience may seem like a tough quality to gauge based on a first impression, but Barbara has honed her instincts based on experience both onscreen and off. “It’s related to passion,” she explains. “Everybody who comes on Shark Tank is loaded with passion. But the difference between short-term passion - when you have a new idea - and long-term passion is the difference between a romance and a 30-year marriage. I’m looking for a passion that can run through the obstacles—the kind of passion that will last a lifetime.”

The kind of passion Barbara describes deals as much with getting the ball rolling as it does with keeping it in motion, and she encourages those feeling stuck or fearful to embrace risk-taking behavior. “The least happy people are never the ones who took a leap and fell,” she professes. “They’re the ones who spend their entire lives wondering what would have happened—the sad souls who feel cheated because they don’t have the gumption to do what they want.” While it’s often said that timing is everything, Barbara advises against waiting for the perfect moment. “I’ve always been surprised by how smart I am once the heat’s under my feet,” she recalls. “Just take the jump. You’ll learn to fly on your way down. But you won’t figure it out standing on the ledge analyzing it.” In short? Whether flying or swimming, this shark wants to see you get moving—or, in her words, “Get off your ass and do it.”

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Want more of Barbara? Stay tuned for Part Two of her insights next week! If you're in the tri-state area, you can find info on Barbara's upcoming entrepreneur conference in New York City here.

Dare to Reflect: Fathers Near and Far

“Do they celebrate Father’s Day in your country?”

“Do you do something for Valentine’s over there?”

“Do people know Halloween?”

Yes, yes, and yes. As an international resident living in the States, I'm often asked questions such as these. People are always surprised and happy to learn that despite being oceans and cultures apart, we can all agree that some things in life merit a special celebration—fathers, for instance.

I will give props where props are due—the idea that fathers should have their own special day is as native to the States as Trader Joe's, American Idol, and Covergirl. It all started in 1910 with Sonora Smart Dodd, an enterprising young lady from Washington who petitioned a group of clergymen to honor her father, a widower and Civil War veteran who singlehandedly raised his six children. By that point, Mother's Day had already taken root in 45 states, and Sonora felt inspired to create a paternal equivalent. Father's Day has been celebrated in the States since Sonora's campaign, and President Nixon signed the national holiday into law in 1972.

Around that time, Father's Day began spreading to Europe and other parts of the world. Today, the holiday is celebrated on the third Sunday in June in more than 50 countries. Countries where the Catholic Church has previously played a big part in local culture celebrate Father's Day on March 19, St. Joseph's Day—in these countries, some people also honor their priests, who they consider their "spiritual fathers." Fathers have the longest wait in Thailand, where Father's Day is always celebrated on the ruling king's birthday. Currently, this falls on December 5.

The date isn't the only aspect of Father's Day that varies from place to place. In Germany, Father's Day isn't just for fathers. Instead, the celebration is known as “Men's Day” or “Gentlemen's Day,” and in some parts of the country, it is essentially one big boozefest. Groups of men head out in small wagons packed with beer, wine, and regional food with one simple aim: get drunk. On the more innocent end of the spectrum, Taiwanese Father's Day goes by the sweetest of monikers—in the local language, “daddy” is pronounced "Bà," so Father's Day in Taiwan is known as “Bābā Holiday.”

But perhaps the most unusual distinction goes to Romania, which, for the longest time, remained the only country in the European Union not to celebrate Father's Day. In 2010, the Alliance Fighting Discrimination Against Fathers asked the government to introduce a holiday honoring the nation's fathers. The reason Romania remained an outlier for so long remains unclear. In any case, the Senate approved the request.

No matter the date or the traditions being observed, Father's Day remains a truly global phenomenon that has become as much a calendar staple as New Year's Day. And yet despite its universal nature, Father's Day centers on something profoundly specific and individual—our unique fathers, and our very personal appreciation for them. With this internal and external resonance, it's no wonder people across the globe tip their hats to good ol' Dad once a year.

—Linda A. Thompson

Career Coach: Your Perfect Mentor

Every successful woman or man I’ve spoken with says that they never could have gotten where they are without a mentor. Do you have one? Are you leveraging that relationship? There are different types of mentors. Today, I’ll address mentors who work at your organization.

When selecting a mentor, look for someone who has what you want—someone who has attained a position, knowledge, or strategy that you would like for yourself. A person like this can help guide you toward your version of success. Keep in mind that your mentor does not have to be a woman! I’ve seen women hold themselves back because they insisted on finding a female mentor, and were still waiting while others had gotten male mentors and were on their way to achieving their goals. If you don’t have a mentor, think of someone you would like to approach. If you can’t think of anyone now, be on the lookout for people who could potentially serve as mentors.

Next time, we will discuss the unique nature of the mentor/mentee relationship. Please feel free to get in touch if you’ve taken any action as a result of reading my posts this month—I would love to hear from you!

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Dare to Know: Jenny Fletcher Switches Gears

A professional modeling career might sound like a cushy existence, but for self-proclaimed sports fanatic Jenny Fletcher, years in the biz couldn't shake the sense that something was missing. Upon nabbing a steady stream of jobs as a fitness model, it dawned on Jenny that perhaps her athletic ambitions needn’t be sidelined by her pretty face. “I thought, ‘I can take this to a whole other level,’” Jenny recalls. “I didn’t want to get jobs because I was a model. I wanted to work for it, and earn it, and get the respect of the athletes I was competing against.” After independently completing her first triathlon, Jenny became hooked—so she took a leap of faith, dramatically scaled back her modeling commitments, and began training for a career as a professional athlete.

Breaking into the triathlon circuit brought its own set of challenges. While Jenny was convinced that she could have it all, it took time for her body to catch up with her mind. “The constant thing I heard from people was, ‘Give yourself time to let your strength build,’” she recalls. “I’m so hard on myself, and for a while, I was really struggling.” Though athletic prowess wasn’t instantaneous, Jenny found a satisfaction in training that her time spent in front of the camera had never been able to provide. “In modeling, so much of your success is based on what other people tell you or give you,” Jenny explains. “This was something I worked hard for on my own, and it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. As much as I wanted to prove it to other people, I wanted to prove it to myself.”

Though Jenny has continued to secure modeling jobs through her sponsors, she sees herself as an athlete first, a model second. “I’m not just a face on the wall,” she declares proudly. “I’m not just a model running. I’m a professional athlete.” Any career change is bound to require a degree of soul-searching, however, and for Jenny, the layover between posing and pedaling brought about a considerable amount of introspection. “It is a weird thing to give up your whole career to pursue another one,” Jenny admits. “You’re like, What am I going to do? How am I going to survive? I just never gave up, whether things were going well or not.” Ultimately, the satisfaction of going after her dream far outweighed the stress of switching gears. “I lost a lot, but I gained so much more. I’m not just pursuing one thing—it’s kind of a multi-career, in a way.”

A multi-career means a multi-wardrobe, and Jenny’s packed schedule of training sessions and modeling gigs has made her a master in the art of the quick change. Though most of are more likely to find ourselves dashing from the spin bike to the staff meeting, we had to ask: How can we make a model-caliber transformation from the gym to civilized society? “Twist your hair up in a little messy bun, put on a little mascara and your sunglasses, and you’re in business,” Jenny answers easily. “I try to keep things very simple. If you take care of yourself, it usually shows.” Translation: good health equals good looks. Now that’s a beauty regime we can get behind.

—Emma Aubry Roberts

Career Coach: Design Your Brand Badge

Last week, you listed the people who need to know you and the people you need to know. Ready for another step? Ready for a little...art project?

Get a large piece of paper and a few markers or crayons. It’s time for you to create a Brand Badge. You’re going to take your text-only vision and draw an actual picture to match. This will expand your thought process surrounding your goals and help you become more creative with your strategy.

1. Identify an area in which you want to be seen as the go-to person, such that when a need arises, your name is the first one that springs to mind. (Example: Expert in global marketing of new products.)

2. Divide your paper into quadrants. In the upper left quadrant, draw a picture of what achieving that expert status would look like. Remember, no words - only pictures! - and be as colorful as you can.

3. In the upper right quadrant, draw a picture to represent the strengths will that support your becoming the “go-to” person in your area. (Caution: Stay away from generic words like "problem-solver" and "reliable." These are not going to help you. Think in terms of business results and what you do to get them.)

4. In the lower left quadrant, draw a picture to represent the qualities or traits that make you a good leader.

5. In the lower right quadrant, draw a picture to represent the major accomplishments that will support your becoming the “go-to" expert in your field.

Post your brand badge where you can see it. Use it to remind yourself of your goals and help you stay focused.

—Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Dare to Watch: Passion Is Your Best Accessory

"Style is how you eat, sleep, drink, walk, listen to music, travel—style has nothing to do with what you wear and everything to do with who you are," says Jay Kos, owner of the New York City fashion and lifestyle boutique of the same name. "Everywhere I go, I find something that inspires me." Jay's teenage daughter, Sophie, has inherited his entrepreneurial spirit as well as his love of life. Together, the two of them prove that you're never too old (or too young!) to style a life you love.

When you surround yourself with people, places, and things that bring you joy, success is sure to follow. Draw inspiration from the world around you—and no matter your style, remember that passion is always your best accessory.

—Video by Amy Stringer