Helene Lerner's Blog, page 161

Cake Alchemy Strikes Gold

When Lauri Ditunno graduated with a degree in marketing, she had no idea that she would soon trade in file folders and spreadsheets for pastry bags and buttercream. After attending the Culinary Institute of America and training as a pastry chef, Lauri opened her own business, Cake Alchemy, in 2009. Similar to the fabled alchemists, she enjoys turning the ordinary into the extraordinary. She's created cakes for Jamie Foxx, Natalie Cole, and Katy Perry and was featured on WE TV's Amazing Wedding Cakes. Learn more about the brains behind the business below. 

–Video by Nicolena Basso

How Do You Deal With Stress?

The world can be a tough place sometimes, and we often don't make it any easier on ourselves by constantly worrying, planning, and striving for perfection. Juggling too many tasks and taking on too many assignments can leave you feeling drained and overwhelmed. So how do you bounce back when there doesn't seem to be an end in sight? We asked members of our community to share their tips for taking a step back and relaxing amidst the chaos. 

Heather Palleiko: Sit in the sun and listen to music or lay in my bed and take a nap. Lately I've taken to going for a run. 

Executive Impressions: I find if I step away from the computer, make a tea or get some sunshine, then things do look brighter!

Maria Desilva: I binge eat...need to work on that one!

Katherine Edge: Read a good book to switch off at night and going for a walk and getting fresh air helps during the day. 

Maryann Squadrito Richards: I like to crank up the music and dance around the room

Corinne A Korytkowski: Meditate. Works like a charm every time!

Christina Atkins: Getting a manicure!

Danae Bales: Going for a walk helps

Tell us, what are your tips for regaining control when the pressure mounts? Share with us in the comments below, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Twitter for more conversations. 

An Education on Exploitation

When Jillian Mourning agreed to a modeling gig in Arizona in 2007, she had no idea her life was about to take a dramatic turn. Her manager of four months had arranged the supposed photo shoot – but when Jillian arrived at the hotel, he and two other men raped her and filmed the attack. 

“I kept thinking, ‘How did I get here? Is this my fault?’” she says of the moments following the attack. She tried to block it from her memory, but her ordeal was far from over. After blackmailing Jillian with the videos and threatening to post them on the Internet, her manager continued to fly her across the country and sell her to men for sex. Terrified of the footage going public, she complied with his demands. 

Then, after six months, all contact stopped; her manager was arrested for unrelated financial crimes. While doing research on the man who had caused her so much pain, she made a discovery: she wasn’t the only victim. “Other models came forward, admitting to having been victims of sex trafficking at his hands. Until that point, I had never even considered myself a sex trafficking victim. I was in denial.”

She realized that few people know what sex trafficking was, nor did they realize it can happen in their communities. Over 300,000 children are at risk of sex trafficking in America each year, the majority having been runaway girls. “People don’t want to talk about it because they believe it won’t happen to them or to someone they care about. But this needs to be a national conversation, because no one is exempt.”

Jillian, now 25, founded the nonprofit All We Want is L.O.V.E. – Liberation of Victims Everywhere in Charlotte, North Carolina. The organization helps connect victims to professional services and resources, from legal advice and counseling to clothing and shelter. 

Through her nonprofit, Jillian has launched several initiatives. Student Traffick is a program implemented in several high schools and colleges to raise awareness and funds to respond to the cause. The organization will also lead workshops for law enforcement officials and cable companies on how to spot the signs of sex trafficking. Cable service providers are often welcomed into homes, and can be taught to look for typical indicators including bare mattresses on the floor, too many girls sharing a living space, and numerous men coming to and from the residence. 

“Through education and victim advocacy, we hope to put a face and name to the issue,” Jillian says. “We need to stop blaming the victims and start spreading the message.”

Inspired by Jillian's story? Check out Kayla Harrison, a sexual assault survivor turned Olympic gold-medalist; Rebecca Johnson-Stone, founder of the Walk Against Rape; and Kayrita Andersen, advocate for sexually-exploited children.

–Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Stressed Out? Do Something!

April is National Stress Awareness Month, so take some time to learn how to get a grip on your stressors. Take the following points into account to calm your nerves and give you back your control.  

Realize that you are not alone is feeling extra-stressed these days. 
Become aware of the times you feel stressed out, and identify your emotional and physical reactions. Are there specific instances when your back starts to tense up or your head starts to ache? 
In your interactions with others, are you raising your voice, getting impatient, and being overly critical? Observe how people react to you. Do they avoid you or stay silent when you ask for input? Ask people you trust for any feedback regarding your behavior. Don’t get defensive, just listen.
You’ve probably heard this a million times, but learn and practice deep breathing exercises. This will help you stay calm and focused and make the right decisions. The ability to use deep breathing techniques will make you a better listener and be seen as a leader. 
Think of the value you bring to your business, and the value the business brings to your customers. In a stressful economy, many business leaders tend to forget about the value of their services, and start thinking of what they offer as a commodity, rather than as a brand. Concentrate on your brand, and what you have to offer will make you feel better about your business and yourself. 
When you get anxious about the future, stop planning ahead and bring your thoughts back to the present and what you know right now. This will give you more of a sense of control, and make it easier to think strategically to reduce the stress of the unknown. 
Find an activity that you love doing, or that you loved doing before you felt so stressed that you stopped making the time to do it.
Eliminate stressful people from your life. They waste a lot of your time when you’re with them, and leave you stressed out after they leave. Say no to energy vampires! Let them suck the energy out of someone else. 
-Screen your phone calls. If you know a potential conversation will set you off, don’t answer the phone. If you have to answer, set a timer to limit the time you have to speak with them. 
Take time to exercise. Think of it as a stress cleanser. You’ll feel less plugged in to everyone else’s stress, as well as your own. The more relaxed and calm you are, the better you’ll feel and sleep. Not only will you enjoy spending time with other people, but they will enjoy spending time with you. It’s hard to stay negative when you are feeling good physically. 

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Easy Ways To Go Green

Happy Earth Day! We only have one planet, and we can all do our part in keeping her safe for generations to come. Take the time to change some of your non-eco-friendly habits not just today, but every day. Here are a few simple ways that you can help out and have an impact.

Give up bottled water. There will undoubtedly be some moments where there is no other option, but your day-to-day fluid intact should not rely on fresh bottles of water. If your tap water is not safe to drink as is, invest in a Brita filter to reduce your carbon footprint. Overtime, the filter will pay for itself. 

Ditch plastic bags. Plan your shopping trips in advance, and bring reusable bags instead of taking the cheap ones stores provide. They make the load easier to carry and limit landfill waste. 

Stop junk mail. Having an overstuffed mailbox isn’t just annoying, it’s wasteful too. Put an end to unsolicited letters by opting-out of the mail service, and remove your name from the list of credit card offers. 

Buy local. Fresh, local foods not only taste better, but they have a much less harmful impact on the environment as well. Most food at your grocery store is frozen and shipped thousands of miles, contributing to air and water pollution. 

Weather-proof your home. Hate feeling that cool draft on fall afternoons? Your home may not be properly weatherized, which means you’re throwing heat, fuel, and even your hard-earned money right out the window. Before the next winter rolls around, remove your air-conditioning units from the windows and seal up windows and doorframes with caulk and insulation. 

Use power strips. Even if your electronics are turned off, having them plugged in still drains energy from the outlets. Since no one wants to go around and unplug every lamp, computer, and charger, take the easy way out – put them all on one power strip, so you only have to flip the switch!

Drive smart. The summer months mean there are plenty of road trips ahead. Being mindful of your speed and driving pattern can add up over time. Just going 10 miles over 60mph decreases your fuel efficiency, as does stop-and-go driving in traffic. 

Visit Pinterest. It’s amazing how much of an impact a craft site can have. Visit the page to find ways to reuse and recycle common household products, and how to create your own homemade cleaning products, minus the harmful chemicals. 

–Lindsay Putnam

 

Career Coach: Do You Work for an "Inclusionist" Leader?

I’ve worked in more than one company where talented women who were continuously bypassed for promotion left to join competitors who recognized their value. 

When I asked the CEO of a client organization why he never promoted these women within his company, he responded, “Those women just weren’t strategic enough. I need to find better ones.” What he didn’t understand at the time was that not everyone has to be his thinking clone – in fact, there are many different ways to be strategic and still increase profit. 

I’m glad to say he “saw the light,” but it took the exit of several of the best women in his organization. He became an inclusionist leader, and before he left the organization, there were many more women in senior management roles and even on the executive team. 

If you haven’t had a face-to-face with your manager to define or redefine strategic thinking, this is your chance. Be prepared to show the results of your leadership style and the way you think and act strategically. Focus on accomplishments as opposed to your process. It’s time for old school leaders to develop an inclusive mindset when it comes to female executives. 

If your leadership and diverse thinking style aren’t valued, and your manager can’t see past his gender-filter, it may be time to move on. There are too many companies run by men and women who value diversity of all kinds and who want to see all of their employees succeed. 

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Career Coach: Stop Telling Us How You Feel

This might sound harsh, but despite all the talk about a kinder workplace and female styles of leadership, business is still about business.

You may have taken communications classes where you learned to say, “When you say (fill in the blank), it makes me feel (sad, hurt, ignored, etc.).” That’s great in your personal life, or in a communications class, but in a business situation no one cares if your feelings are hurt or you feel ignored. In fact, using that communication technique makes you sound less powerful, and creates a one-up, one-down dynamic.

You need to recognize your feelings and determine the action to take to get the results you want, but announcing how you feel about someone else’s actions won’t put an end to them. Stop taking things in business personally!

If you feel like someone is talking over you, instead of telling him or her how bad you feel, tell him or her to stop talking over you now, and speak up! If someone takes your idea as their own, instead of telling them you’re hurt, tell them how glad you are that they liked your idea, and how you’ve thought of several points you want to add. Offer to share them with the most senior person in the room, as you then ignore the “idea stealer.”

Don’t be passive aggressive, whiney, or wimpy. Feel your feelings, and then let go. Take power and action, and feel triumphant as a leader.

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

 

Revamp Your Small Room

Unfortunately, we can't all live in spacious homes on multiple acres of land. City apartments continue to shrink in size, and even homes in the suburb can leave a lot to be desired. But with a few simple tricks, you can make even the smallest spaces look a bit bigger and a bit brighter. Interior designers Maxwell Ryan, founder of Apartment Therapy, shares some classic tricks-of-the-trade for transforming minute rooms. Check out his tips, and be sure to watch his previous video with tips for "green living" in honor of Earth Month.

Are you a city dweller with some ideas of your own? Share them in our comments below!

–Video by Nicolena Basso

A Blueberry Breakfast Delight

I love to bake, probably because I find it much more relaxing than actual cooking. It brings up all of those warm, fuzzy memories...even if you've never even made the dish before. That's what happened to me this weekend when I whipped up some blueberry donuts. I never made donuts with my family, but I was reminded of all the breakfasts we did make, mostly pancakes and canned Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. So try this recipe for baked blueberry donuts (much better than fried!) to start off your weekend.

Baked Blueberry Donuts: Yields 12 donuts

-2 1/2 cups cake flour
-2/3 cups sugar
-2 tsp baking powder
-1/2 tsp salt
-1/4 tsp cinnamon
-2 large eggs, beaten
-2/3 cups buttermilk
-2 TBSP butter, melted
-1 tsp vanilla
-1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries
-3 cups powdered sugar
-1/2 cup milk

-Preheat the oven to 325°F. Coat two 6-well donut pans with nonstick spray.
-In a large bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon.Set aside. In another bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, butter, and vanilla. Add to flour mixture and mix with a rubber spatula until just incorporated. Fold in blueberries.
-Using a spoon or a pastry bag, fill each prepared well halfway full with the batter. Bake in preheated oven until donuts begin to darken around the edges, 10 to 14 minutes. Remove donuts from the pan and let cool on rack.
-While the donuts cool, prepare the icing. Put the powdered sugar in a small bowl, and add the milk a spoonful at a time. Mix thoroughly before adding the next spoonful, until the desired consistency is reached. Dunk the top half of the donuts in the icing, and let the icing harden before serving.

Want more baked goods? Check out our recipes for Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Banana Bread and Pumpkin Walnut Muffins.

–Lindsay Putnam 

Quiet Your Inner Critic

Lee Glickstein, featured on the site this month, was my speaking coach. He transformed the way I approach my talks. 

He recently started a series of videos called "The Miracle Minute" featuring a variety of everyday people. I particularly like this one about the critical voice within us. Artist Cara Brown explains how our doubts and fears can sometimes leave us incapable of taking action. Breaking through that negative self-talk is essential to personal and professional growth. 

How do you quiet the negative voices that pop into your head? Share with us in the comments below.