Helene Lerner's Blog, page 163

Career Coach: Break Through Your Self-Doubt

In today’s competitive work world, inner-voices of fear and self-doubt can surface with an increased vitality and urgency. This is particularly true for many women as they become more successful and more visible. They continuously feel that they must prove themselves, even after they’ve achieved their goals. 

By addressing these fears and restoring your inner-balance, you can gain the resilience and healthy outlook that will help you achieve your career and life goals. Find the time to use the techniques below. Save this exercise, print it out, and come back to it if necessary. Understanding how fear impacts your life can help you take actions to push past it. 

Make a list of your fears. Only by admitting that they exist can you seek solutions. Include fears you may have about your career, life, and other people. Write down how these fears impact your life and hold you back from your goals. Think about how they impact your actions and reactions in a variety of situations. 

Quiet the voices in your head. Write down the negative messages that you think and say to yourself when you think about these fears. What is stimulating these feelings? Pinpoint as closely as you can the origin of your fears. If they are career-related, take the time to research what positions may seem more satisfying. If you are experiencing financial issues, meet with an accountant to go over your funds and explore your options. 

Build a support system. Connect with friends and family members and eliminate people from your life who foster feelings of negativity. Some people are incapable of positive emotions – they will continue to bring you down. 

Eliminate destructive self-talk. Focus on changing each negative message to one that is affirming and constructive. Be willing to come to terms with the past and learn to live in the present to prepare for the future. Boost your self-confidence by listing your goals and taking the steps you need in order to achieve them. 

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

 

Career Coach: Break Through Your Self-Doubts

In today’s competitive work world, inner-voices of fear and self-doubt can surface with an increased vitality and urgency. This is particularly true for many women as they become more successful and more visible. They continuously feel that they must prove themselves, even after they’ve achieved their goals. 

By addressing these fears and restoring your inner-balance, you can gain the resilience and healthy outlook that will help you achieve your career and life goals. Find the time to use the techniques below. Save this exercise, print it out, and come back to it if necessary. Understanding how fear impacts your life can help you take actions to push past it. 

Make a list of your fears. Only by admitting that they exist can you seek solutions. Include fears you may have about your career, life, and other people. Write down how these fears impact your life and hold you back from your goals. Think about how they impact your actions and reactions in a variety of situations. 

Quiet the voices in your head. Write down the negative messages that you think and say to yourself when you think about these fears. What is stimulating these feelings? Pinpoint as closely as you can the origin of your fears. If they are career-related, take the time to research what positions may seem more satisfying. If you are experiencing financial issues, meet with an accountant to go over your funds and explore your options. 

Build a support system. Connect with friends and family members and eliminate people from your life who foster feelings of negativity. Some people are incapable of positive emotions – they will continue to bring you down. 

Eliminate destructive self-talk. Focus on changing each negative message to one that is affirming and constructive. Be willing to come to terms with the past and learn to live in the present to prepare for the future. Boost your self-confidence by listing your goals and taking the steps you need in order to achieve them. 

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

 

Follow Your Intuition

When things start to pile up, you may feel unsure of which direction and what actions to take. Pause and take time to reflect; know that you already possess the knowledge and skills that you need to find your way. Trust your "inner-self," and let your intuition guide your actions. Listen to these words from today's leading ladies to help you along the way.

–Video by Nicolena Basso

Career Coach: Control It, Change It, or Let It Go

We spend so much time worrying about things we can’t control, that we have no energy left to control the things we can. Then we become so overwhelmed that we feel like our life is spiraling out of control and we’ll never be able to catch up. You can learn to manage a great deal of your stress by listing each stressor and assessing whether you can control it, change it, or learn to let it go. 

Pick a situation in your life that is stressing you out. Perhaps you have a big assignment at work that you are afraid you won’t be able to complete on time. First ask yourself, can you control this situation? If so, how much of it? While you may be able to take charge of your own portion of the project, you may have teammates who are working independently of you or may be waiting for information that takes several days to process. 

So if you can’t control it, can you change it? If so, what can you do, and are you willing to do it? For example, you may want to consider staying for a couple extra hours after work for several days to catch up on your work. If there is a teammate on the project who is not carrying his fair share of the weight, it may be time to approach your manager and ask for a new coworker to take on his work. You may even be able to approach your boss and ask for an extension on the project, assuming it’s not time sensitive. 

Lastly, you may need to let it go. If you can’t control or change the situation, there’s little you can do to curb your stress. But letting go is a process that takes time. We have to use our thoughts to control our emotions and our actions. If you don’t meet this deadline, what will happen? Will you be reprimanded by a pay cut or loss of other benefits, or possibly be fired? If this is your first misstep, it’s likely you won’t suffer such harsh consequences. 

Remind yourself that there are people and events you can’t control – all you can control is your attitude and your reactions. You can view life as exciting and unexpected, or you can view it as scary because you don’t know what the future holds. Take charge, take control, or let it go. The choice is yours. 

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

 

What To Do When the Stress Piles Up

Think back to the last time you felt truly overwhelmed – how did you handle it? Did you tackle the problem head on, or did you shy away from the challenge? How you deal with your stress can play a major role in your pursuit of professional success. Whether it accumulates over time or comes on all at once, the following tips will help you predict stressful situations and manage them with confidence and grace to excel in your career. 

Anticipate what situations will be stressful. Planning ahead is a vital part of your preparations. If your company has certain assignments that occur on a monthly or annual schedule, figure them into your calendar so you are aware of what needs to be accomplished when. By doing so, you’ll be better prepared to work longer on some days and miss a couple of lunch breaks. You will also be able to prepare yourself mentally for challenging days ahead. Get enough rest and gather all of the materials and information you need for the project in the days leading to the deadline.  

Keep focused on the task at hand. It would help a lot if you could break down the details of a huge project into smaller and more manageable tasks. Career mentorship experts advice workers to have a to-do list on a daily basis to make sure they are not overlooking anything. Use your time efficiently so that you can accomplish all the tasks set for that day according to your list. Keep yourself away from any distractions to avoid wasting time. 

Don’t hesitate to take a break. When possible, take a few minutes to unwind and listen to music, walk outside, or have a coffee break so that your mind and body can have time to pause and rest. Don’t let yourself tense up physically or mentally, as this will make it more difficult for you to concentrate and be productive. 

Show flexibility. Although you are supposed to stick to the plan you laid out for yourself beforehand, you still don’t’ have any control over additional issues that may arise. When this happens, you should assess the situation with logic and think about the ways in which you can handle and overcome them – should you contact someone from IT, call a customer service agent, or take on an additional team member? When things are beyond your control – the Internet in your building is down, your computer crashed and you lost an important document – focus your attention not on how unfair it is, but rather on what you can do to rebound. 

Track your progress. At the end of each day, refer back to your to-do list and see what you have and have not accomplished. Did your tasks take longer than you expected? Why weren’t you able to complete some of the items by days end? Getting to know what assignments take up the most of your time versus which ones you complete with ease will help you become more effective and efficient in stressful times. 

–Cecile Peterkin is a certified career and retirement coach and a registered member of the Career Professionals of Canada and the International Coach Federation. She is also the founder and Senior Career Strategist at Cosmic Coaching Center, provider of career and life management services across Canada, the United States, and Europe. 

Fabulous Kinky Boots opens tonight on Broadway

The best musical I have seen in years. If you are in New York City, get tickets. I would get tickets now because the show opens tonight--it's bound to be a success.

Here's the story:

"Charlie Price (Tony nominee Stark Sands) has suddenly inherited his father’s shoe factory, which is on the verge of bankruptcy. Trying to live up to his father’s legacy and save his family business, Charlie finds inspiration in the form of Lola (Billy Porter). A fabulous entertainer in need of some sturdy stilettos, Lola turns out to be the one person who can help Charlie become the man he’s meant to be. As they work to turn the factory around, this unlikely pair finds that they have more in common than they ever dreamed possible… and discovers that when you change your mind about someone, you can change your whole world."

The book is by Harvey Fierstein, the music and lyrics are by Cyndi Lauper. The cast is amazing, the sets are great. The choreography and direction are marvelous. Need I say more...

 

Career Coach: Don't Let The "Victim" Sabotage Your Success

We’ve all known one, and some of us have been one – that negative coworker who finds fault with everyone. These “energy vampires” can be your employees, your peers, or your manager. No matter where they are in the organization, their main role is to be difficult, disagree with new ideas, and stop progress. They often see themselves as victims of you, the boss, the company, the weather, or even the current shoe fashions. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions, their poor performance, or the negative effects they have on others. 

If you find yourself interacting with this individual, beware. He will say he’s “just trying to get you to see all sides of an issue,” or that “someone needs to play devil’s advocate,” but the moment you engage his behavior, you’re hooked. You find yourself getting frustrated, stressed, and defensive. But there are three steps you can take to separate yourself from this naysayer. Take a look:

Know it’s not you, it’s him. Remind yourself that this confrontation has nothing to do with you personally. It’s this employee’s issue, and it wouldn’t matter to him if he were arguing with you, Michelle Obama, or Sherly Sandberg. They just want to argue for the sake of arguing. 

Remove yourself. Disengage and resist the urge to connect by physically stepping away from the individual. Instead of responding to his claims, take a slow deep breath. At that point, instead of being his willing target, you’ve become the observer, and will be immune to his “negative rays.” 

Stay focused. Don’t give up your power to walk away from your coworker, and don’t give him your valuable energy. Don’t let his personality affect you outside of work, and don’t let him live in your head rent free. Focus on you, your goals, and getting the support that you need to move forward. It’s your career, your future, and your success that concerns you most. 

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

 

What Would You Say To Your "Younger Self?"

In the past we've asked our followers what advice they would give themselves if they were just starting their career, but this time we made it a little more personal. Whether it's to take more risks or spend more time with yourself, we wanted to know what the WomenWorking community would say if given the chance to speak to their "younger selves."

Rachel Keener: Logical, rational, linear thinking is a valid and valuable form of intellect; but, it's not the only form of intelligence. Most importantly, it's not superior to all else. Trust what you know to be true, and always be curious. 

Naiomi Montalvo Pena: Stop worrying, it'll all turn out the way it's supposed to

Ivy Pittman: Do it now!

Tonja L. Eagan: Don't be motivated by fear of failure but rather the joy of success

Angela MacDonald: Believe in yourself, you are so worth the best possible life in every way!

Rachel Brown: It really doesn't matter what other people think.

Jen Wrigley: Raise your hand. 

Liz Hore: Regret nothing – all in life happens for its reason.

April Nugent: Spend more time on taking care of you and worry less. There isn't going to be the one time that the stress you cause yourself will benefit you. 

Franchesca Guzman: Be sure to always take a step back to look at the big picture. And also, not everything that glitters is gold. 

Esthy Gold Inwang: Be kind to others. 

So tell us: What advice would you give to your younger self? Share in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter. 

Career Coach: It's Time to Stop Being "Nice"

One of my coaching clients, Lorena, told me she overheard two senior executives discussing an opening for a senior director position that would be made public in two weeks. She thought she would be the best candidate, so I told her to go for it and suggested we use our coaching session to develop a strategy. By making the first move, Lorena could be hired before anyone else even applied. 

I could immediately sense her hesitation. She said she was worried about ethics, and that it might be unfair to other people who want to apply. Since she had overheard it, and not been told about the job directly, Lorena thought it would be better to wait for the official announcement. 

Now, Lorena is not new to the workforce. As a manager responsible for six different sites in the western region, she had not gotten a promotion in five years and was feeling stuck. Like many other women, she was waiting to “be discovered” as the best candidate. She didn’t want an “unfair advantage.” 

I told her what I’ve told other women for years: taking advantage of an opportunity is not unfair or unethical. It would be unethical to lie, sabotage a colleague, or tell a competitor your trade secrets. But this is not the case. If you think you are the best candidate based on the skills, experience, and passion you would bring to the position, you are doing your company a great service and have a responsibility – both to you and to them – to apply right away. 

The truth is, if you wait until the right time, you may be waiting until retirement. Being “nice” is a losing strategy. Wanting to be liked by everyone is a losing strategy. Not taking power to move ahead is a losing strategy. Instead, take a few minutes to decide where you want to be in six months, a year, and five years, and then create a roadmap to get there. No one will hand you a new job or a promotion – you must go out there and take it. 

So I sat down with Lorena, and we listed all of the reasons why she was the best person for that job – we discussed her experience, skills, expertise, and what she could bring to the company in this new position. We rehearsed what she would say, how she would say it, and the body language she would use. She approached the two executives she had overheard, and said she could save them the time, energy, and resources of going through resumes and conduct interviews. Her confidence was impressive.

Today, Lorena is the newest senior director at her company. And it’s because she didn’t confuse “being nice” and “being liked” with being ethical. If you don’t show up and announce yourself, no one else will. You may be the most-liked employee, but you’ll be standing on the sidelines as you watch everyone else move past you.

–Simma Lieberman, Career Coach

Fashion Guru: Don't Get Fooled By Spring Trends

Spring finally showed up just in time for the first of the month. As WomenWorking’s new style expert, my hope is that you keep up with this season’s trends this spring without looking like a fool on April Fool’s Day. Follow these tips to make sure that the joke is never on you when it comes to workplace fashion. 

What’s hot this season? Striking color, bold graphics, and floral prints. But these can be difficult to wear tastefully to the office. Here are a few ways to wear the looks well.

[image error]

 

Pencil Skirts and Fluid Shirts. The pencil skirt has long been a staple item in the workplace, but now it’s slimmer and high-waisted – which can unintentionally become a “sexy look,” especially for those with curvy physiques. Balance this look with a more fluid and looser top to soften the point where the skirt and shirt meet; your appearance will read less sultry and more fashion-savvy, and you’ll get by in even the most conservative work environments. Though solids work best for the pencil skirt, get brave with the numerous graphic print tops this season. 

 

Are Shorts Ever Appropriate? The long and “short” of it – sorry, I couldn’t resist!—is that Bermuda shorts are the only short appropriate for the workplace. They come just above or at knee[image error] length (anything shorter is too short and anything longer is considered a capri pant). No longer made of traditional menswear fabrics, today they come in an array of colors and materials from silks and linen to denim and cotton blends. They can also be played up or down – pair them with flats for an easy look or your tallest stilettos for an easy day-to-night look. 

But how do you wear them at work? It’s simple. Bermuda shorts can replace the skirt in most scenarios, so whatever you would wear with your skirt is fair game – blazers and cardigans included. However, wear this trendy style with caution. Shorts may not fly in some conservative arenas – if your boss would never wear them, then you shouldn’t either. 

 

Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts, and award shows. Got workplace fashion questions for Pamela? Write them in the comments below or send them to administrator [at] womenworking [dot] com.