Helene Lerner's Blog, page 158

Barbara Corcoran's Secrets to a Successful Life

In celebration of the holiday weekend, we've decided to bring back one of our favorite videos from the past year. Barbara Corcoran of ABC's Shark Tank (previously seen here, here, and here) shares the lessons she learned from her late mother, her hopes for her young daughter, and what she's discovered to be her purpose in life. Enjoy time with your friends, family, and loved ones this weekend. 

—Video by Nina Giordano

Career Coach: Dare to Take a Leap of Faith

I read a quote the other day by Neale Donald Walsh: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” I reflected on my life journey and noticed that the times when amazing things happened were when I was living on the edge of my seat. I was taking a risk – a leap of faith.

When I was 19, I took a gap year from college and lived in Switzerland with a family for two months and spent another two traveling Europe alone. I discovered wonderful people wherever I went and had exciting experiences I couldn’t have predicted. This laid a foundation with an understanding that if I could do enough planning to mitigate risks in pursuit of an outcome, I could take a leap of faith that would bring learning, adventures, and unexpected rewards. 

Stepping outside of your comfort zone can be healthy, illuminating, and invigorating. There’s no room for adventures and excitement in your comfort zone. They need not be huge risks – take a rotational assignment in a different department, learn a new skill from a certification program, or accept that promotion – even if you don’t feel fully prepared. Here are some ways to stretch your limits. 

Break a routine. Some of us are hardwired to be conservative, ensuring our road ahead is predictable. There is comfort in routine. Do something impromptu that you normally would never do to break it up. Think of it as a baby step. Whatever your routine is today, take a simple alternate action. For example, if it’s market day, shop at a different store instead of the one in your neighborhood. When out for your walk or run, take a different route. This is stretching your risk-taking muscle. 

Face a fear about what others may think. We get concerned about being viewed as weird, rude, or annoying. But if you consider the most charismatic, exciting, and enjoyable people you’ve come across in your life, odds are they weren’t meek, agreeable, and pleasant folks – they were a little crazy, adventuresome, and charming. I call this the eccentricity ratio. You can be as different in balance with how credible you are in the eyes of others. Notice how people forgave those lovable characters for being less than perfect, and in fact, liked them for their charm. 

Practice non-attachment. When you decide to do something new, generate a goal – an outcome you are after, but also, don’t get attached to it. Pursue an action for its own sake. Give yourself room to have fun and experience exhilaration. Focus on the joy of doing whatever you’re doing. Practice mindful attention to the process of getting to the outcome. Live in the moment so you enjoy the journey as much as the destination. 

Say “yes” to what is. This is a lesson from improvisation. One of the most important rules is to “always say yes.” Accept the way things go. When things don’t go your way, and they won’t, shrug it off. When is the last time you felt excited about not knowing what was going to happen next? If you’re deep in your comfort zone, it’s probably been a while. In my career, I took a promotion that was offered to me unexpectedly. I wasn’t ready at all. I got someone to mentor me, I took a class, collected feedback – these all helped me as I grew and stretched. 

There are wonderful benefits to taking risks in our career and our personal life: growth, developing strength, gaining confidence, acquiring new skills, obtaining wisdom, renewing our energy, picking up new ideas, and becoming more aware of the world around us. Sometimes we need to be reminded to step out – or as Sheryl Sandberg says in her new book, lean in. If it’s been a while since you’ve tried something new, give it a whirl and see what happens. It might be the change you have been looking for. 

—Andrea Zintz, Career Coach

 

Create a Staycation You'll Remember

Memorial Day Weekend is right around the corner. So what if you couldn't plan a quick weekend getaway. You have a whole extra 24 hours to yourself! Here are some simple but sure ways to ensure you make the most of your day off. 

Get Moving. You're stuck sitting in an office all week long—take advantage of this time to enjoy the beautiful weather. Look for local trails and go for a hike, bicycle ride, or jog. Revisit memorable spots within your town or check out MapMyRun.com to search for recommended routes. You may stumble upon places in your neighborhood you never knew existed.

Crack a Book. We rarely have time to sit down and enjoy a good book for fun. Lay on the SPF and plant yourself in a lounge chair while you catch up on the latest bestsellers. Recently released books include Isabel Allende's Maya's Notebook and Eve Ensler's inspiring memoir, In the Body of the World.

Rewind and Refresh.It's hard to keep up with our favorite television on a weekly basis. This weekend, curl up and catch up! Popular shows such as Dexter, The Newsroom, Arrested Development, and True Blood return this summer. Check out Netflix or websites to watch old seasons in preparation for the episodes ahead.

Treat yourself. Memorial Day Weekend often serves as the grand opening for seasonal food stands. Get that rocky road ice cream cone you've been craving since September—it will be doubly delicious on a hot, humid day. If you live by the water, hit up your local seafood shack and enjoy fresh fish while taking in the salty ocean air.

Get grillin'. A barbecue is a great way to catch up with friends and family and kick off the summer season. Serve your guests simple foods you can quickly whip up on the grill, such as our recipe for flavorful lamb burgers. Ask guests to bring their favorite side dishes, drinks, and desserts to complete the occasion.

–Shanen McElhinney

 

Making it Big in the Real World

[image error]“I want to win at this game.” That’s the phrase that Tami Roman lives by. The actress and entrepreneur brings determination and tenacity to all of her ventures – but it took years to build her confidence and get to this point. 

When Tami was just 16 years old, her mother lost her job and the two were homeless for several months. “I realized how much I took the little things for granted, like waking up and taking a shower or brushing my teeth in my own bathroom. That experience taught me that I should always be satisfied in the moment.”

Several years later, Tami was introduced to the television program, The Real World. She recorded her own audition tape and hand-delivered it to the MTV studios in Los Angeles. “They told me I was too late and the show was already cast, but I said, ‘No, you need to watch this! You need to see who I am!’ The casting director agreed to watch the tape, and the rest is history.”

The show premiered in 1993 and launched Tami into the national spotlight. “Nobody understood what reality television was at the time, or how big it would grow to be. People really thought that we were acting; they couldn’t grasp the fact that we were just being ourselves in front of the camera.” The next year she married professional basketball player Kenny Anderson, and the couple had two daughters. 

When Tami and Kenny divorced in 1998, she channeled her energy into an acting career. She has appeared on Married with Children, J.A.G., Summerland, and more. “My favorite part is being able to play different characters. I get to be someone else.”

But her appearances weren’t bringing in enough money to support her family, and one day she realized all of her savings were gone. “I remembered what it was like to be homeless, and I did not want my daughters to experience that.” With few options left, Tami signed on for the second season of Vh1’s Basketball Wives. 

“After the Real World, I wanted to be taken seriously as an actor. I felt I was taking a risk by affiliating myself with reality television again, but it was a risk out of need. The challenge has been finding my way back to an acting career. It has been difficult.” 

Always looking to take things to the next level, Tami has used her celebrity to launch several successful businesses, including her own makeup, jewelry, and hair extension collections. “No one can stay in front of the camera forever. I get involved in projects that are important to me, and I’m a part of the process from start to finish.”

At the end of the day, Tami enjoys unwinding with her two daughters over a meal. She has lots of ideas for future projects. “When there’s something that I want to do, I do it. I don’t wait for opportunities to come to me; I reach out to people and make things happen.”

How Tami Finds Her Entrepreneurial Inspiration:

Cosmetics. “When I fell on hardship, to show self-love I would get a mani-pedi and buy a lip gloss here and there. I had to keep myself looking good on a small budget. My nail polishes are named after my favorite sayings, while my lip glosses are named after the women who have inspired me.” 

Jewelry. “My jewelry line is TR LOVE Jewelry, and they feature sayings and symbols that have gotten me through tough times. Love, infinity, hope…I want to inspire people and incorporate these themes into my products.”

Hair extensions. “I know a lot about hair weaves, I have been wearing them for a long time. I decided to start a hair line because I know a lot about the product.”

–Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Are Your Clothes Keeping You From a Promotion?

I love style! I have always distinguished myself as authentic by what I choose to wear to see clients. I dress for appropriateness, the occasion, the weather, and what message I want my clothing and style to convey. When I came up the ranks in my corporate career, we had a very conservative dress code. Today, business casual or just plain casual dress codes reign supreme. 

We’ve all taken it as common sense that our clothing is important to the impact we have with others. Now, a study confirms it. In a survey from OfficeTeam, an independent research firm who conducted telephone interviews with more than 1,000 senior managers at companies with 20 or more employees, 80 percent of executives said clothing choices affect an employee’s chances of earning a promotion – and some respondents gave some pretty hilarious examples of outfits that missed the mark. Here are some choice examples, arranged from least offensive to the most extreme:

T-shirt and flip-flops
House slippers
See-through dresses
Fishnet stockings and stilettos
Yoga pants
Tube tops
Pajamas
Coveralls
Parachute pants
A chicken suit

To avoid seeing your attire added to this list, follow these office-apparel tips and keep your advancement plans on track.

Don’t dress too suggestively. Showing cleavage or too much leg can be distracting. Summer is a season that opens the door to a slew of potential fashion landmines for working women, including spaghetti-strap tops and gladiator sandals. Avoid this unless the dress code is so laid back that everyone, including executives, wears flip-flops. Dressing too sexy can also have psychological effects on your peers. Peter Glick, a professor of psychology at Lawrence University in Wisconsin, conducted a study that indicates that women in high-level positions who dress in too-sexy attire are viewed as less competent, regardless of their skill sets. 

Wear clothes that fit properly. Clothing that is too big or not tailored properly is a fashion snafu that can be easily avoided by buying clothes at department stores with on-site tailors or finding one of your own. Get a second opinion from a friend or colleague you trust if you can’t judge for yourself. 

Assess your work environment. Look around to see what is and what is not appropriate to wear in your office. Are the female VP’s wearing stockings in the summer months? Does your manager rarely take off her blazer or does she favor skirts and skinny jeans? As a consultant, I always stick to the rule of dressing more conservatively than required. This raises your credibility and keeps you from being under-estimated. 

With the proper attitude, you can match your company’s fashion culture without having to dress “boring.” Find stylish yet appropriate items that assert your individuality and personal style to boost your confidence to demonstrate that you are the whole package – smarts, skills, knowledge, attitude, and impact. 

–Andrea Zintz, Career Coach

Think About It: Career Rewind

It's a bad habit, but sometimes we can't help but look back on past decisions and consider what we would have done differently if we had the chance to do it all over again. We asked our followers what they wish they had known when they first started their career that they know now. Read what they shared and see how you can grow from their wisdom. 

Suzanne Millership: Never get stressed about work problems. In a month's time there will be a whole new set of problems and you won't even remember today's. If no one's dying, the company isn't folding, and you're not about to lose your job – relax. Deal with the issues to the best of your ability but don't let them ruin your precious time at home with loved ones. 

Jessica Kawecki Miller: I'd tell myself if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough. Shoot high. 

Pina Palumbieri: Networking is more important than hard work

Cynthia Canteen Harbor: Ask for what you want. That "no" is not the end, it's an opportunity. 

Janel Korhonen-Goff: Change happens. No matter what. 

Rowena Fenlon: It's all going to work out just fine. 

Latex Mattresses Natural Mattresses Organic Mattresses: Do what you really really really want to do. 

What do you wish you had known when you started your career? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below. And be sure to follow us on Facebook and Twitter for future conversations. 

Treat Yourself to a Chocolate Indulgence

While celebrating a special occasion earlier this month, I wanted a dessert that included all four of my favorite sweet-inspired things: chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, and strawberries. The final result? A chocolate lava cake with strawberries inside, topped with peanut butter and salted caramel sauce. Save this recipe for when you really need a pick-me-up. 

Chocolate Lava Cake: Serves 6

10 TBSP butter
1 cup chocolate chips (a combination of bittersweet and semi-sweet works best)
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 1/2 cups confectioners sugar
3 large egg yolks
3 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
6 medium-sized strawberries, finely chopped

-Preheat oven to 425°F. Grease ramekin or cupcake cups.
-In a medium microwavable bowl, melt chocolate chips and butter in 30 second increments until smooth, stirring in between. Add flour and sugar to mixture, mix until smooth.
-Stir in eggs, yolks, and vanilla until incorporated. Fill each ramekin or cupcake cup halfway full. Evenly distribute strawberry pieces amongst the six cakes. Top with remaining batter.
-Place cups on top of cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes. Edges should be firm but the center will be runny. Loosen and place inverted on plates to serve. Top with fresh strawberries and powdered sugar. 

Peanut Butter Sauce

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup light Karo syrup
2 TBSP butter
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter

-Combine heavy whipping cream, sugar, Karo syrup, butter, and vanilla in a saucepan and stir over medium-high meat until all ingredients are dissolved and combined. Remove from heat.
-Let the mixture cool completely, and then add peanut butter and combine thoroughly. 

Salted Caramel Sauce

2 cups granulated sugar
12 TBSP unsalted butter at room temperature
1 cup heavy cream at room temperature
1 TBSP sea salt flakes

-Heat the sugar over medium-high heat until it starts to melt. Begin whisking sugar (it will clump, keep whisking). Don’t stop until the sugar is completely melted.
-Cook the sugar until it reaches a dark amber color. If you are new to making caramel, use a thermometer – you don’t want it to heat past 350°F.
-Add the butter. Whisk until it is melted. Remove the pan from heat and slowly stir in the heavy cream. Whisk until cream is incorporated and caramel is smooth. Stir in the salt, and let caramel cool for about 10 minutes in pan before serving. Can be kept in an airtight container in the refrigerator for one month. 

–Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Enhance Your Effectiveness

In my work as a leadership development consultant and coach, I constantly see the powerful ways that reflection enhances one’s thinking, health, and effectiveness. In our busy lives, it isn’t easy to create space for this. We usually only realize the benefit of reflection when we accidentally stumble upon it while taking a shower or driving the car. But it’s worth purposefully scheduling into your day.

What are some of the benefits?

Strengthening the partnership between our conscious and subconscious minds. Research shows that visualization, meditation, and other strategies encourage the integration of our daily learning and skill strengthening into new habits and abilities.
Increasing our resilience to the challenges we face. As energy is expended in tackling challenges, be they emotional or physical, reflection helps with alternative perspectives and insights and rejuvenation.
Reducing the cortisol levels and increasing our endorphins. Everything concerning our health starts with the brain, and reflection activities are proven by studies to have physical health benefits.
Increasing our creativity. When we reflect, the natural resourcefulness of our subconscious mind, which holds all the information we accumulate throughout our lives, bubbles up in surprising ways. Many inventors have realized their best ideas this way.

How can you plan reflection into your daily life?

Sleeping eight hours a night. This gives your brain a chance to integrate new learning and fully process the emotional content of your day – especially the most challenging material.
Listening to your favorite music. Just listen. Absorb every lyric and feel every beat. Doing so while walking is an even better exercise. Try this without cognitive of brain-taxing work. Leave your mind free and clear.
Meditating. Start with five minutes and grow the time incrementally to 20 minutes. Your mind will naturally dart from thought-to-thought. Experts call this the wild monkey brain. However, noticing this means you’re reflecting and gaining all of the benefits.

Taking a 15 minute break from what you’re doing, sitting in silence or taking a short walk, can help you build reflection habits that strengthen your brain and physical resilience. It’s the most powerful practice leaders can use to move from being “caught up in the trees” to “seeing the whole forest.”

–Andrea Zintz, Career Coach

Bravo to a Powerful Leader

I interviewed the top production leader at Bravo recently, Shari Levine, and was impressed by her candor and powerful insights. Her career path has evolved and she's been flexible along the way to take advantage of the opportunities before her.

This single mom of two daughters has struggled like all of us to juggle between a career and a rewarding home life.  Heed Shari's wisdom – there are lessons in it for all of us.

–Video by Elena Havas

 

Career Coach: Want to Excel at Your Job?

If you’re ready to take your career up a notch, look into your company’s mentoring programs. They can provide a significant benefit to mentees and mentors alike. The value of learning from someone who has “been there, done that” can’t be overstated, especially since the best mentors are creative individuals who are well-suited to serve in this role as models, sounding boards, and guides.

These programs match people with a good deal of experience to those who are less acquainted with the industry, and typically offer mentees the opportunity to become familiar with the organization, develop their skills, and learn how to navigate office politics. If you are in such a program, choosing someone who you feel you can learn from and develop a rapport with is important. In particular, the mentor must like and feel invested in your growth and success. 

The best corporate mentoring programs provide some structure for the relationship by offering mentor and mentee training. For mentees, these orientations help you understand how to appropriately use your mentor and get the most from the experience. Here are some tips from programs I’ve conducted:

Own your career growth and personal/professional development plan. It’s not your mentor’s job to set your goals or ensure you have a strategy. You must be in charge and be proactive, with your mentor simply supporting you on your behalf. 

Venture outside your comfort zone to explore and grow. You won’t grow if you don’t stretch yourself. Take some risks and seek guidance and support from your mentor. 

Create a clear goal and objective. The clearer the objective, the better your mentor can focus his/her efforts to support you. Make them SMART: Specific, Aggressive or Attainable (your choice), Relevant, and Time-bound. Be prepared for all of your meetings. 

Take the lead with new relationships. You should reach out first and get time on your mentor’s calendar. But don’t feel that you have to limit yourself to one mentor. Research has proven that developmental networks are the most powerful way to ensure quality support of your career goals and action plan. 

Most corporate mentoring programs have a finite timeline, anywhere from six months to a year, but their effect can be ongoing. In many cases, the mentor-mentee relationship will convert to informal status once the program has concluded, with “graduates” adding their former mentors to their developmental networks and continuing to benefit from their guidance and valuable connections. 

–Andrea Zintz, Career Coach