Helene Lerner's Blog, page 154

Refuse to Worry!

What drains our energy and constricts our power more than anything else? Worry! Our worries escalate as we pay attention to them, and we can convince ourselves that something minor is major.

Worrying is a choice. You can either let it consume your energy, or you can focus on an activity you can do something about.

Reflective questions:

How have you diminished your power by worrying? Bring one situation to mind, and think about something else you could have been doing that would have been more productive.

Don't engage with angry people

It is so easy to get thrown off balance by reacting to hostile people who push our buttons.  When we do, it distracts us from accomplishing important things in our lives. 

Cheryl is learning how to avoid be reactive: "I've had a problem overreacting when someone is angry at me.  However, I am being coached to detach from that person--because their agitation probably has little to do with me. I don't have to get defensive.  As a result, I find myself having more time to do my work."

If we realize that the people who attack us are really in need of help, we take back our power and put the focus on ourselves. 

How have you acted with compassion recently to someone who was harsh with you?

Taken from In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self, Helene Lerner, Beyond Words/Atria

Manifest Your Dream Job

Farrah Sabado aka "Miss Sabado" is an up and coming dance music DJ, model, actress and producer. Farrah tells her inspiring story of how she was terminated from a job in LA and pursued her dream career. This video includes her original song, check it out!

 

 

Video Editor- Elena Havas

One woman's amazing story

This is such a heart-warming story. I had to share it with you. It was written by a woman who frequents our site.

Sharada and Srikantiah had an arranged marriage in October 1950. The only thing they knew of each other before their wedding day came from twin, 2x2 passport pictures. Srikantiah, at 5-foot-3 and a single hair sticking out of his head like the flag on the moon, is not intimidating. But at the Bangalore train station, en route to her new life in New Delhi, Sharada cried. She was 25, couldn’t make rice without overcooking it, and would be alone with a strange man. On seeing his sobbing wife, Srikantiah shoved his hands in his pocket and looked at the ground. On the train, he fell asleep on Sharada’s shoulder. She covered him in a wool blanket, tucking the sides under his thighs. “Because that’s what wives do,” she explains.
    It’s important for Sharada to remember how far she’s come since that sweltering day in 1950. A faded black-and-white wedding picture hangs on the peeling, white wall behind her dining table. Their blurred faces melt into each other. They stare straight into the camera, unsmiling. They both clasp their hands in their laps and an inch of space sits between them. But sixty-three years later, she cooks him separate, salt-free meals and rubs salve on his feet. He makes her coffee every morning and they drink it together in bed with the news on. “He has learned to love me so well.” Sharada giggles shyly. “And I love him just as well.”
    At 88, Sharada rarely leaves the house. Her stiff, arthritic fingers can’t curl around the front door and when she climbs down her steep, stone stairs, her knees crumble. But, at 20, Sharada received her Masters Degree in physics and marched with Gandhi. “I was by myself, in a crowd of men, and in India, at that time, that was unheard of.” Her voice grows stronger. “I was the only woman in the classroom, the only woman teaching undergrads,” she says. “My friends were having children at sixteen and learning how to make dhal and rice and there I was, studying atoms and motion and particle physics. It was wonderful.”
    She feels heartened by what India has become. “Women wear pants, they get their degrees, they learn how to cook and how to do Math.” She shrugs and her voice grows quiet. She pulls at a loose thread on her sari. “We really have come so far.” She presses the pads of her fingers against each other and looks up. “And I have too, I guess.” She smiles.

Written by: Nandita Raghuram (granddaughter)

Superman's Strategies for Reaching Your Dreams

I haven’t seen the new Superman movie yet, but I have watched three interviews with actor Henry Cavill, who is our new Superman. Here are three insights I’ve gained from listening to the newest Clark Kent:

 • Even "Superman" has setbacks. Henry talked about the long road he travelled to get to his epic role in Superman. In 2002, he was being considered for Superman: Flyby, but the project stalled out. Three years later, Henry lost out to Daniel Craig for the role of James Bond. Along the way, he was also considered for roles in a Harry Potter movie and for the Twilight saga but lost out on those as well. But these rejections did not hold Henry back.

The lesson: Are you rebounding from your setbacks?

• Others want you to succeed. When Henry was 16, he was an extra for the movie Proof of Life, starring Russell Crowe. After asking Russell for advice on his acting career, he received a package along with a written note of encouragement, “Dear Henry, A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” –Russell.

The lesson: Do you allow others to help you succeed?

• Challenge yourself. Henry talked about the incredible determination and commitment it took for him to finally achieve his biggest role yet. He recounted times earlier in his career when it didn’t seem he would ever make it as an actor--but he refused to settle. His success in playing Superman was not guaranteed, and failing in his new role would not be without consequences.

The lesson: Are you settling instead of going after what you want?

-Alan Allard, Career Coach

Meditation can work wonders!

A new book is out Yoga Wisdom At Work by Maren and Jamie Showkeir. Among the things the authors talk about is Meditation. 

Here are some of the tips they give which you may find useful.

1. You don't have to sit for hours in lotus pose for meditation to be effective. Start with three to five minutes a day for one week. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. To help you still your mind, try a simple (mantra)--a phrase that is calming.

2. Before a meeting, carve out two to three minutes where you can sit quietly and reflect on your intention. Ask yourself, "what do I want to create in the moment?"

3. Note the times you find it hard to focus on your work or feel unmotivated. If possible, find a quiet space where you can disconnect, meditate or take some relaxing, deep breaths. Then return to work.

Adapted from Yoga Wisdom At Work.Berrett-Koehler Publishers

At the Women's Conference I recently attended at Arianna Huffington's home, meditation and the need for it in our lives was addressed.

 

 

Five Ways to Become More Engaged at Work

"To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth." -Pearl S. Buck

The subject of “Employee Engagement” is a hot topic now for good reason. The extent we are engaged (or disengaged) at work affects our focus, creativity and our ability to drive results.

According to Kevin Kruse, author of the new book Employee Engagement for Everyone, being happier and more fulfilled at work is the responsibility of both senior management and the individual employee.

Let’s focus on you and consider five questions from Kruse’s book that will help you be more engaged in what you do.

1.      What did I do today to improve communication with my manager and peers?
2.      What actions did I take to learn and grow?
3.      Did I thank people today, and who recognized me?
4.      Was I mindful of our company’s long-term goals?
5.      How engaged was I at work?

I encourage you to ask yourself these questions daily for the next thirty days and see what happens.

-Alan Allard, Career Coach 

Career Coach: Costly Criticism verses Acceptance

For the sake of simplicity, let’s break down performance and motivation into two groups: high performers and under performers. They seem opposite, but both share one thing in common—they are often too hard on themselves.

Wanting to do our best can be motivational, but when it crosses over into self-criticism, we pay a price.

High performers seem to have it all together, but many of them are never satisfied. They think, “I’ve done well, but not as well as I should have.” “Okay, we hit our quota, but we should have done more.”

Under performers tend to engage in negative mind-talk. They spend time thinking “What’s wrong with me?” “I know I have potential, but I seem to blow it when it counts.” On and on it goes…

What not to do: Thinking about mistakes, minimizing successes, and not accepting praise will not help in becoming an effective leader. Harsh criticism undermines confidence and confidence is critical to perform well.

What works: Acceptance is what I find to be effective. It can work miracles. It allows us to better motivate ourselves when we make mistakes. “Okay, I forgot to mention a fact in my presentation, next time I’ll give myself more time to proof my work.”

The point of all this, is that when you’re tempted to be too hard on yourself—or someone else, catch yourself, and practice compassion instead.

—Alan Allard, Career Coach

Fabulous Bette Midler Is On Broadway

Yesterday, I saw, "Ill Eat You Last". Bette Middler plays agent Sue Mengers. She was on stage for over an hour (no intermission) and was great. There is a limited run of the show, so this is the last week.

I didn't realize what an amazing actor Bette is. She entralled the audience and the script was terrific as well--stories about celebrity after celebrity.

If you are in NYC and have some free time, go!

Women Leaders Need to Create New Rules

If a woman is at a high enough level in the organization, she needs to step up and create much needed change not only for herself, but set the example for the other women.  At some point, if what's expected of her is not working, she needs to take a stand and create new rules.

Some women are doing this, and others are not. It takes courage and conviction to make this happen. But the time for change is now.