Doug Ward's Blog, page 58
August 25, 2015
Ward's Words #467
Ladies. If instead removing your toenail polish you let them grow out, you're lazy. At some point they start to look like candy corn, which can be quite seasonal at the right time of year.
August 24, 2015
Ward's Words #465
The fine people at Ward’s Words came up with a reboot version of where's Waldo. We call it, “Lenny Jumped Bail.” You have to find the felon on the lamb, who’s wearing a classic black and white striped prisoner suit.
August 23, 2015
Ward's Words #463
What would we do if everyone in the world had the urge to poop all at the same moment? Would it be women and children first? Would it would be like the titanic, with not enough lifeboats, or in this case toilets? I can see the band guys playing their instruments as they shat themselves above deck.
August 20, 2015
Ward's Words #461
I don't like things that are camouflage. I set it down in the woods and poof it's gone. I wouldn’t have been so concerned if it wasn’t my compass.
August 19, 2015
Ward's Words #460
The house I grew up in was very Darwinesque. Our mom would chase us out, first thing in the morning, and lock the doors. She never thought for a minute that we had no water and no toilet, but I guess those things go hand in hand. We’d eat what we found in the woods. It was a real world survival of the fittest situation, but why did I always have to sample the berries first?
August 18, 2015
Ward's Words #458
My scented candle business just went belly up. I knew I was ahead of my time when I invented the fart scented bathroom candle.
August 17, 2015
Ward's Words #457
If I consume an energy drink I nearly have a heart attack. Kids now-a-days drink them and take a nap. Take that if you don’t think we are evolving.
August 16, 2015
Ward's Words #454
Does anyone else think that Sunnydale High School had an extraordinary large collection of books on the occult? I'll bet they banned Slaughterhouse Five though.
August 15, 2015
Ward's Words #453
I think smoke from a campfire, trickling through the branches of nearby trees, just seems a little bit cruel.
August 14, 2015
Ward's Words #451
When the dwarves first met Bilbo, they sang a song about their trip to the Misty Mountains. What the crap. They knew the whole journey from the start?
